Warning: Rated M for mature audiences. Graphic details are mentioned, along with attempted suicide. Please continue at your own risk. If you or a loved one are suffering from suicidal thoughts or tendencies, please reach out to the suicide hotline via phone or text at 988.
Chapter 12
Fight or flight
Konaha 11 months ago.
She walked. Body scroll in one hand as she did. Striding up to the gates, face unmasked, pink hair showing through crusted blood. Her features a swirl of pain, indifference and sorrow.
She was breaking rules. She knew it. She just didn't care. Walking into the village as an anbu operative without wearing your mask? It didn't matter if you were missing for a month or more. It didn't matter if you were carried in dead. It didn't happen. You were to conceal yourself at all times. No matter the cause.
You didn't walk through the village as desheveled as she, without your mask or changing your appearance.
Their were other entrances for anbu with out supplies to go through. To keep themselves unknown. This was her making a martyr of herself. She had a point to make, and she would make it. Even if it took taking down every shinobi on her way.
Her eagle mask-inos mask painted with blood tied to her waist, her clothing shredded in places, dirty and stained.
Genma flashstepped into her path, halting her for a moment before she stepped forward. Coming toe to toe with him.
"Sak-blossom." He started. "Hokages orders, place down your mask."
Eyes unwavering, she side stepped him.
His arm came out to block her.
"Blossom, are you defying an direct order from your hokage?" He didn't look at her. "Place. Your. Mask."
She ducked under his outstretched hand.
He moved Sending out a leg to interrupt her striding into the village. She leaped, disappearing into thin air, reappearing behind him, hand signs flashed, and Genma dropped. Genjutsu.
She turned on her heel. Continuing to walk down the Main Street. Every villager in leaf gawked at her. As she made her way along, six more anbu tried unsuccessfully to ambush her. She dropped everyone without breaking a sweat. However, as both sai and naruto both stepped in, sai starting at her hands. Both shaking. She placed her arm upright, displaying the scroll. Without saying a word, he knew. She held it out to him. but sai wouldn't take it. He wrapped her fingers over the scroll again.
"Thank you." He said and bowed, pulling up her flank. "Let's bring her home."
Naruto took two steps forward, his eyes shining, he bowed his head, letting tears drop for both his comrades. Sakura paid no mind. Face blank, eyes blank. She continued. Saying nothing, hearing nothing, defending when attacked she walked. Until Tsunade herself stepped in her path.
"What the fuck is the meaning of this?" She put both hands on her hips, striding up to sakura.
She held her hand out, displaying the body scroll.
"Inos funeral precession." Her emotionless voice held no edge. Just displayed it.
Tsunades face twisted. As her shaking hands came out and wrapped around her protégés, she looked back into sakuras face.
"Sakura…." Tsunade waved a hand out, thirty or so masked anbu came out seemingly of nowhere.
Sai walked up to sakura, staring at her. His eyes holding true to the scroll.
"Stand down men. Let her finish her mission." Tsunade turned, sakura sai and naruto followed.
Along the lines of the market district all men women and children alike bowed their heads in solidarity.
They walked up to the flower shop. Tsunade holding the door open. Sakura entered, the chime ringing as she did.
"Sakura….." inos mothers hands were shaking. Sakuras eyes shined, as she walked up to her mother, and placed the scroll in her hands.
"She fought well. She died a hero. Without her, I would not be standing here." Her voice was raspy, almost breaking. As she wrapped the woman's fingers around the scroll. "I refused to leave her behind."
Sakura woke to white walls, the smell of disinfectant, and paper gowns. She blinked, readjusting her eyes to her surroundings. The bright lights dimmed in comparison to the natural light bleeding in through to window.
She sat up, jostling the cords and tubes coming from her body.
She felt weary, tired, but for the most part, no pain. She couldn't get her mind to focus on one thing for long. A monitor next to her beeped, setting off alarms all across her room. She turned, whipping her legs out from under the light hospital sheet, and started to turn off the machines. Slowly, she unplugged the tubes and Iv's. Hanging them in place as she stood, hospital socks sticking to the linoleum.
Walking to the foot of the bed, grabbing her clipboard, and strode to the window, where her bag hung with clothing and shoes. She stripped looking over her charts.
It had been seven days since admittance.
The day she had delivered inos body.
She felt her shoulders shaking. Their was no one waiting for her to wake up. The perfect time to take off. It looked like the last time a nurse had been in to check her was fifteen minutes ago. That meant she had another forty five to get dressed and leave, which was forty minutes more than she needed really.
The impressive chicken scratch on the paper stopped her, she flipped to the second page, reading over the diagnostics as she wrapped her breasts.
'Paitent is experiencing acute pain to several limbs all at once, cause of pain unknown, paitent was admitted with abrasions and Contusions covering the lower genitals and groin, burns and contusions on both wrists and ankles. Extreme bleeding from pelvic distress. Is showing symptoms of paranoia and PTSD. Suffering insomnia and night terrors.'
The list of medications was extreme, even in her condition she wouldn't have prescribed that many anxiety pills and pain killers.
She felt her head, her chakra weak due to the drugs in her blood stream. She pulsed green, fading in and out. She was trying to burn the drugs off. It would take awhile. But she could manage basic maneuvers.
She pulled her shorts and tang top in place, strapping her kunai holster. She checked it, it had exactly three in it, she placed her med skirt over her shorts, and pulled her shoes on. Slipping on her gloves as she perched on the window seal. Tying up her hair.
Looking down, she seen the street below, busy as usual. They'd put her on the sixth floor. She pulsed the chakra in her feet, adjusting just what she needed to run the side of the building. She played with the idea a minute more before skipping off onto the side of the building. Standing for a minute getting her barrings before she darted sideways, rushing the three floors to the panel of air conditioners and rolling off onto the rooftop garden, looking down to the street. Scanning for any operatives. She could feel chakra waves close to her, and masked what she could to keep herself invisable.
Her body still wobbly, she braced herself, flinging her body forward in the best immiattion of her flash step, which only proceeded to jump her a few feet before dropping her on a neighboring rooftop. She dashed into the direction of her apartment.
She arrived a moment later, landing on her balcony. Her first trap disabled, walking into the building.
"You haven't been discharged yet." A familiar tone spoke from her corner.
"I know." She replied not skipping a beat.
"Then what do you think your doing, sakura?" Tsunade sat in the small chair hidden from the window, a cup of sake in her hand.
"I think I'm preparing for the mission tour going to assign me." She spoke low. Grabbing her pack and filling it with essentials.
"Your off the roster for an undetermined amount of time." She sipped her cup. Starting at her pupil.
Sakuras emotions were in a rise.
"I think you don't have a choice, hokage sama." Sakura turned, fists clenched. "Either you send me, or I'll go myself."
"Missing nin huh?" Her half smile adorned her face, brow raised. "I'll stop you myself before that happens."
Sakuras face grew red. She tightened her jaw.
"I have to go!" She screamed. Spitting out "you have no right to stop me!"
"I have every right sakura!" Tsunade rose anger flairing. "You are a ninja of konaha! You are my charge! And you are not in the right state of mind!" She rushed towards her. "You are under surveillance right now! Look at you! Your a mess! Are you in any condition to fight?! You can't even feel your chakra levels I'll bet!"
Sakura turned her face down. Picking a spot on the brown shag carpet. She could feel small bits of her chakra now. But still she had a long way to go before she could feel her full ability's.
"It's these damn drugs, they will be out of my system soon."
"Two days. Two days and they will be out of your system." She turned trudging back to the balcony. "Your not going. Not now. Not until you receive my approval, and that's going to be a while."
Sakuras stunned eyes peered up at the blonde. "Excuse me?" She threw the bag she was holding at the ground. Tears pricking her eyes. "So what you think you can just hole me up here?! Keep me from completing my duty?!" Her voice was cracking her posture tensing.
"You did. Sakura. You finished it when you brought her home." Tsunade turned hand on the balcony as she threw her cup down breaking it. The noise made Sakura flinch. Tsunade caught the wince. "Your afraid of your own shadow sakura! Any noise and sound puts you on high alert. You are not ready for battle."
"Tsunade I only have that left. I have to find him I have to-"
"Sakura! Your not ready. That's final." Tsunade watched her student fall to the ground. Sobbing. Shaking like a leaf. She walked to her and crouched. Hand coming to raise her chin. "Your like a daughter to me sakura, and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, but as a leaf shinobi, as an anbu, this is what you signed up for. We watch them fall. We watch them die," She closed her eyes, the feeling setting over her. Her pseudo daughters eyes boring into her. "And sometimes, we have to accept that. Killing him right now, as much as you want to. Will not bring her back."
Sakura sobbed harder.
"I-I know that, an-and yet…." Sakura put her arms around her knees, pulling herself into a fetal position. "I have to, Tsunade I-I have to…."
"I know sweetheart. I know." Tsunade wrapped her arms around her. Holding her tight. "You have to work though this first, he stole things from you. You need to feel that. Feel that before you can even think about destroying him."
After Tsunade had put her to bed, sakura slept soundly, she thought she had let some of it out, but the horrors waited for her in the night. Ready to strike. Ready to manifest itself in her terrors.
Sakura cried for hours, when she first awoke alone in her room she felt the weight of it all, felt the misery. The responcibilty.
It was her fault.
She'd done this.
Ino was gone and that monster had lived.
Tricked into a puppet.
Had ino even controlled him? Had he caught her in a trap to kill her best friend?
The mask laying on her bedside table proved heavy. Sakura pulled the kunai from the drawer. Holing it too her chest.
She would see her again soon.
Holding the kunai to her wrists she dug it deep into her veins. Vertically splitting her skin into deep gashes. Blood swelled and over flowed. Splattering her sheets with red rivulets.
She watched in facination as it bled, moving tendons in and out of view.
'It was so much cleaner with a chakra scalpel.' She thought, blinking Woosily from blood loss.
It took a few minutes for consciousness to fade, and she lay back in her bed, waiting for the end to come.
"I'm coming ino…."a single tear slid down her face, edges of her sight faded black. A swirl of silver hair all that permiated her view before she blacked out.
She blinked to the smell of disinfectant and beeping of machines. Blinded by the bright lights, her mind reeling from calming drugs. She tried to talk but gibberish was all that could be heard.
Blonde hair and a purple triangle came into view she tried to adjust her eyes, but couldn't quite slingle out features.
"Your not going to die on me, you damned moron." Tsunade?
"And you've just earned your spot in the mental ward." Tsunade scoffed, her voice hard.
"Tsu….Tsunade sama?" Sakura grumbled. Trying to more her hands to rub her eyes, finding herself braced to the rails.
"Sorry dumbass, your restrained." She spoke, "and until myself, and doctor wasabi, release you, your stuck her." She put her palm against sakuras head, pushing her back into the bed. "So stay calm until I finish." She flicked the tube in sakuras arm right above the bandages and wrist restraints. "Otherwise, I'm giving you more night night juice and you can sleep off this bullshit you thought was a good idea for a month. Understand?" Tsunade gave her a wide smile, but in no way was it a happy one.
Sakura nodded, the foggy haze fading a bit.
"Your going to therapy. Your going to let the nurses do their tests," Tsunade put a hand on her forearm. "And I'm not going to heal these. We will let them stay, as a reminder, to yourself. What happens when you think you can make your own choices."
Sakura nodded again, not trusting her voice.
"You are going to work through this, sakura, and if you ever, and I mean ever, think killing yourself is a good idea, I want you to run it by me first so I can give you all the reasons it's not. Suicide is a perment solution, to a temporary problem." Tsunade sighed. "You are loved, you are safe, and we are going to help you. You will heal, even though it seems like you never will now, you will."
She looked down at the pinkette, pity in her eyes.
"Your lucky kakashi was checking in on you, you owe that man an apology. Not to mention naruto and sai. They've been in here dozens of times, telling you how special you are to them." She looked to the side table, "oh and naruto wants to hunt him down, and I quote, 'rip his fucking head off and feed it to kurami.'" She brushed hair from sakuras face. "You owe them all apologies to be honest."
"Tsunade?" Sakura finally tried.
"Yes sakura?"
"I'm sorry."
Present time konaha
She wasn't sure how it happened so fast, or why she let him. But all she knew was her partner was quick to the point and shuffled her in the door and into a secluded booth in the back of a small resturant, lit by candle light.
"Um. Uchiha San?"she peered around, absorbing the atmosphere.
"Itachi, please, sakura." He gazed at her under his lashes.
The candle light reflected off of him, deepening his already distinguished tear troughs while also making his handsome face look angelic, and masculine.
"Yes, yes," she waved her hand dismissing his comments. "What I'd like to know is why here?" She questioned. "I thought you wanted dongo?"
"And chakra tea." His eyes bled red, he crossed his hands in front of him. "Your levels are extremely low still."
"Ok, yeah, I know." She rolled her eyes. "But really whos fault is that?" Then she looked down at her menu. "And this place is really pricey. I don't see how this is necessary."
"It's a date sakura, I won it remember?" He smirked. "I also won as many as I'd like. But this will do for now. Order whatever you would like."
She gave a fake smile. "Fine." The waiter arrived then, and Sakura turned her attention to him.
"What will it be sir?"
"I'll have the curry beef and rice dish, with olong tea." He stated, never looking away from sakura.
"Yes sir, and for you my lady?" He scribbled on his note pad before looking to sakura.
She looked over the menu quickly. "I'll take the shrimp tempura, extra sauce, two orders of chichi dango, three orders of the fried rice, and two large bottles of too knotch sake." She finished, Itachi smirk widened.
"She also wants a fresh brew of your chakra tea."
"Hai. Please."
The waiter froze. Starring down at the small girl in the booth. Shaking his head and jotting it down before bowing. He collected the menus and walked away without another comment.
"So who's all the food for?" Itachi commented.
"Stocking up. Figured since you said whatever I want, your paying." She waved her hand around, picking up her water glass and taking a sip.
"Well, your assumption is correct, and if you think this is changing my mind about persuing you, then you are wrong." He watched for her reaction. She rolled her eyes.
"Free food is free food."
He laughed outright at that. "Have it your way sakura, order all you want, but your Sharing a dango with me."
"Why, how presumptuous of you?" She smiled. "Never get between a woman and her deserts uchiha San. It could be the last mistake you make."
He reached out quick and flicked her forehead with a finger. She dropped her smile, smacking his hand away.
"What was that for!" She rubbed the sore spot.
"If your going to smile, I'd like to see the real one, not the forced one." He studied her.
She dropped her gaze, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks. "Your the second person to notice that from me. I'm loosing my edge it seems."
"Or, I'm just perceptive." He stopped as the sake and teas were deposited in the center of the table. "Should we partake in the sake?" He motioned to the glasses.
"I really shouldn't, I was planning on grabbing food and headed back to the training grounds honestly," she sighed. "Maybe I should just run laps though, since my chakra is so low."
"Stamina does help, but may I ask, what are you training so hard for?" He opened a bottle pouring two cups of sake and pushing one in her direction.
She grabbed it, downing it quickly, before answering. "I'm going to try to get back in the anbu squad going after Akasuna no Sasori."
"Ah. Is that the one who you and sai were discussing the other day? The one you want to destroy?" He poured more sake for her.
"Arigato. Yes," she downed it too, "theyve narrowed down the area they think he resides. I'd like to be on the mission when they infiltrate." She glared at her hands. "I'd like to be the one who ends him."
"I see," he poured more into her glass. "Would you like assistance?" She looked into his coal eyes.
"Assistance? In the mission?" She threw back another cup of sake as he poured the rest of the bottle into her cup again.
"No, sakura, in training." He finally took a sip of his cup.
"You? Train me?" Her head felt hot, was that the sake? She needed to slow down. It wasn't even noon yet! What would her shishou say? Ok scratch that, she'd be proud. She'd always been on sakura to loosen up a little.
"Yes, I can definitely help you in training. I think you'd make a better pupil than my own brother."
Sakura grinned a true smile. "Yes well he's a bit too serious sometimes."
Itachi smiled back. Her face tinged red from the alchohol but this smile felt right.
"He also gets a bit butt hurt when he looses. Too uptight." He replied.
"Ah, sasuke." She laughed. It felt foreign, and tight. But it also felt refreshing. "One time, When we were young genin, i bested him and naruto in a taijutsu match, and he got so but hurt he tried to put a genjutsu trap. Naruto summoned about 100 clones and they both came at me." She giggled. "I then broke free of the genjutsu so quickly he stumbled and I hooked him in a ground jutsu that had him stuck for about an hour whilst I destroyed Naruto's clones and knocked him clean across two training fields!"
"Your laugh is beautiful." Itachi commented.
"Um. Gomen." Sakura tossed back the last of the cup.
"Why apologize? I like the sound." He reached a hand out again, brushing hair behind her ear.
Sakura smiled nervously. "Um, uchiha san. Can you please not touch me? I don't really….I don't like being touched."
"I apologize, i will refrain." Don't call her petal. Don't touch her, the last one was on a time and place basis he knew.
The food arrived, sakuras eyes lit up at the tempura, she was almost drooling.
"I hear that's your favorite?" He started as she dipped her shrimp in the extra large sauce cup.
"Hai! Tempura is most definitely the most amazing food ever created." She crunched down on the perfectly deep fried food. Savoring the sauce.
"It's my mothers favorite too, she makes me bring her here, when I'm home. This place supposedly makes the best tempura in konaha." He was an elegant eater. Unlike sakura who felt like a pig stuffing her face. But he wasn't wrong, this place did have some damn good skills, and the sauce was the best she had ever tasted.
"Well I've never been here, and it's a shame really, because now I think I'll dream of this!" She grinned dipping another shrimp.
"I'll bring you again, promise." He continued his meal. Asking her random questions and pouring more sake out for her.
After the tea and food was mostly done, except the three large boxes of rice. The waiter brought out the dango. Sakuras eyes lit up and their beauty. She grabbed a stick, popping one in her mouth. Chewing slowly and feeling the sweet glaze in her mouth. Itachi reached out, plucking a ball off the end.
She glared. "You really have a death wish, uchiha San."
"Itachi," he waved her off. "If you don't want to share your dango, then please, call me Itachi."
She sighed. Nibbling the last dango while trying not to make eye contact.
"What time do you want to train tomorrow sakura?" He started.
"W-what?" She choked a bit. "What do you mean?"
"I've decided to help you achieve your goals. I'd like to help you surpass your monster." He smiled. "If not to help you drain the life from his eyes myself."
"I told you, it's not necessary uchiha San, I can handle-"
"I'd like too. Since I'm waiting on a mission plan myself and handling clan duty's for the next month, consider it my honor."
Sakura pursed her lips. "Fine, but one condition." She stated.
"What would that be, love?" He smiled.
"Don't touch me, Don't kiss me, and don't piss me off During practice." She counted off on her fingers.
"Five fifteen. Practice field three." He stated. Paying the bill that arrived.
"Does that mean you consent to my agreement?" She stated grabbing her to go bags and standing up with him.
"It will be required of me to touch you at times." He said.
"For correction purposes only then?"
"Don't be late, sakura." He purred her name, and sakuras blush deepened.
Her face felt way too hot. Her legs felt tense. And it wasn't from the sake.
This boy was trouble.
A/N: hey guys, Time for another love note. Just wanted to thank you all for reading, and for supporting me! I appreciate all the pms and comments on my story! I know I haven't been mentioning everyone, but I'll do that now! Thank you so much jesskmemmy! As always for your comments! They really do make my day, thank you smb.xoo for reviewing! I'm glad your enjoying the ride! And mbravesgirl7 y'all are awesome! Also! This is the last of sakuras flashbacks, and I'm honestly considering writing more flashbacks, I kinda enjoy the little lul in the story with them. Would you guys enjoy more? Maybe from kakashis viewpoint? Lemme know! Until my next love note
-ViewlessTea0
