Back inside the head of a teenage girl :-) Sorry for being late, I needed time to re-read the chapter before posting (may not have caught all the typos, but I did get a few).

And for anyone worried, HEA for ODC is a must for me, so I doubt I will ever write a book without. Other characters now, well, I can have fun...


Chapter 3


~ Wednesday the thirtieth of October morning after the Lucas Lodge evening party ~

I heard the best of news yesterday! A militia regiment will be quartered near Meryton for the whole of winter and maybe even spring. That is wondrous news, there will be so many dance partners, I will not have to sit a dance out for months. A whole regiment, a camp full of soldiers. Handsome soldiers in uniforms. I shall go distracted.

Lizzy seemed less enthusiastic than Mama, Lady Lucas or us (us being Maria Lucas, Kitty and me), but I did not much care last night as I was too excited.

I asked her this morning at breakfast, and she says she worries not all the officers are decent gentlemen, and most of the lower rank soldiers are not even gentlemen at all, so walking in the neighbourhood will not be safe any more.

Mama started telling her off, so she did not say more, but I think I know what she means. Kitty and I often walk to Lucas Lodge or town on our own, but maybe until we know the officers better, we should get one of the stable boys to come with us, just to be safe – we can call him our manservant, it sounds better does it not? I do not want to be forced to marry a simple soldier, or a very low ranked officer without money.

Mama does seem to love a red coat even more than us, but it would not do to be alone with the soldiers. I am not as silly as Mama, thank goodness, and I can protect Kitty, as she is just a dreamer, a sweet and pretty looking dreamer, but still, I must look after her. She has restarted her drawings – Lizzy did give me money for pencils – and I think she will not really care about the militia because of that.

I still have not started getting up early to join Lizzy in her walks, although I really do want my legs to look nicer. Maybe I can ask her to wake me; she did not want to before as she says I am still so young I need my sleep, but I am fifteen now, and that way I can keep her safe too when the militia is here.

Last night, I overheard something else the addle-pate Derbyshire man said to the Bingley tatterdemalion (that was in Papa's book too - I know her clothes are not ragged, but they might as well be as they are so ugly and ill-suited to her colouring, and it is a long snobbish word, it suits her), once more because his voice is quite clear, not because I wanted to spy, but this time Lizzy did not hear. "I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow." What a confusing man he is, first my sister is not handsome enough, and now she has fine eyes and is pretty. At least his eyesight has improved, Lizzy is pretty, thank you sir, I told you her eyes sparkled, well I wrote it here anyway, but you should have known.

Still, I could not believe my ears when he told Miss Snotty Bingley that he was talking about "Miss Elizabeth Bennet" – I quite like the way he said her name, kind of reverently, that was nice. Maybe he is not so bad.

The Bingley harridan though, yuk. Aunt Gardiner always tells me to be more ladylike, well, if that is what a London lady is like, count me out. That woman is vicious, and I do not think she likes anyone in or around Meryton.

I will need to keep an eye out, protect my sisters from her, I do not trust her at all. Of course Jane loves her, honestly how can I have such a naive sister? Lizzy and I will protect her too. It is a lot of work to be a good sister, is it not?

LMB


~ Tuesday the fifth of November, late morning after a diner at Haye Park yesterday ~

The officers are here and now attending many of the local events, and they really look ever so handsome in their uniforms. Red is my new favourite colour, I think. Maria and I had such a wonderful evening last night, Maria and I were such favourites for all the officers, Captain Carter, Mr Chamberlaine, Mr Pratt spent the whole evening in attendance, getting us plates of food, drinks and paying us so many complements. It was heavenly! Ot at least it was at the time, now I am not so sure.

Last night, Lizzy asked me to sleep in her room so we could get up and go for a walk without disturbing Kitty or Jane. I was so happy, I have tried to wake up to join her, but it is hard. Being in her room means I do not need to worry as she nearly never oversleeps, lucky sister.

When we were walking, we talked about last night. Lizzy did not much like the officers. She said they looked like predators, hunting the youngest, most vulnerable preys. We talked about lions hunting in the African Savanna – Papa has a book about them, and I loved it so much when Lizzy read it to me many years ago – and we talked about the similarities. She says I can borrow the book again from Papa, so I can read it again, but I think she is right.

Most of the officers are at least five or six and twenty years old, yet they did not spend time with any of the older girls, not even Lizzy or Jane who are so lovely to look at, they only talked to us. Maria was as lively as me last night, and I think we were a little silly, and we got caught in the moment and flirted too much.

I will ask Lizzy to come with me tomorrow, we will talk with Maria, so she is more careful too. Kitty will follow our lead, but Maria may need more help to persuade. Maybe Charlotte will help, she is so sensible, and she will want to help her baby sister, I know she will.

Lizzy did not say we acted badly, but that was because she is too nice and doesn't want to hurt me. We were two giggling unashamed flirts. Except I am quite ashamed now that I read back through what I just wrote, and if Maria isn't, I will make her see she should be. In fact, if I tell her that my Mama saw nothing wrong with our behaviour, she will know we went too far, for she knows Mama well, and we need to behave much better.

The red coats are really fetching uniforms though, but I will not let that turn my head. Silly flirty Lydia is not a nickname I want to gain, thanks but no thanks. They do look very handsome though.

Maybe I should not have criticised Jane so much for flirting with her Bingley in a boring manner, for at least she doesn't look wild and shameless; I do want more fun and more passion, but maybe I can be a little more like her. No, not too much like her, I can't be that dull, I won't be, but maybe like Lizzy, lively and friendly, but not a flirt. That will be hard, as I can get carried away sometimes, well often, but I can do it, keep myself safe. Lizzy will help when my own control is not good enough.

LMB


~ Friday the fifteenth of November ~

I have not written here for many days, but the house has been upside down and I have had no chance to do anything.

Mama was her usual self a few days ago – that horrid Miss Bingley invited Jane to dine with her and her useless sister and Mama insisted Jane went on horseback. And Jane being her usual naive and obedient self, well, she obeyed. Honestly that girl will be the death of me if she does not grow a backbone soon; she is two and twenty, yet is more useless than Kitty at times, and Kitty is only seventeen and is fast growing out of her daydreaming phase.

Now Jane is in a sick room in Netherfield and Lizzy had to go there to nurse her, so Mary and I have to do everything around the estate – Kitty has a bad cough again, so we do not want her to spend too much time outside. I like the tenants, and Lizzy is right, the children are very sweet, but I do not like having to go get the eggs from the home farm – hens and chicken smell terrible, it is a really horrifying, vile stench. Why did god create such disgusting odours at all? Eggs are so very useful in the kitchen, but if I think about the hens, I am not sure I will want to eat the eggs at all. I have cleaned thoroughly, but I can still smell them in my mind, yuk.

I wish Mama had not sent Jane on Nellie who is so old and slow. I wish Jane could have come back to be nursed here, so Mary could help Lizzy – I am not very good as a nurse, Mary says I am not quiet enough and it is not soothing at all; I don't think she is right, as Lizzy thanked me so sweetly when I sat with her when she had a sprained ankle last year, so I cannot be so very bad; it is hard to sit for many hours and read stories quietly, I prefer to make the voices and act the stories when I read to my sisters, it is much more fun, and the noise cannot really do any harm, does it?.

We will go visit Jane tomorrow, hopefully she will be well soon, and we can all be home.

LMB


~ Saturday the sixteenth of November, just before dinner, back from Netherfield Park ~

Mr Bingley will be holding a ball. A proper ball, in a huge and pretty ballroom! That is so much better than the monthly assembly, I will still go to the assemblies too as I simply love to dance, but a proper ball is so exciting.

I think Mr Bingley may not be so boring if he holds balls – it may be good for us all if he marries Jane, we can ask her to have balls much more often. He had mentioned holding one in passing before, although I do not quite remember which function it was at, and I asked him today. He said the date would be set as soon as Jane is better so that is great, as she really did not look that bad anymore, and Lizzy was smiling – she would not if Jane was in any danger.

His sister was not happy at all, she looked like she was sucking lemons. I hope Kitty saw her face; I will ask her to draw it as it was so funny.

Mr Darcy doesn't seem to like balls either, but maybe it was just that he was distracted. He spends so much time just staring at Lizzy, I am not sure what to think. Do men stare at ladies they don't like? He is so silent and cross-looking. Do men look cross when they look at ladies they like? I cannot work him out at all. He has not been rude since that first assembly, and he does talk to Lizzy far more than he does anyone else. Could he like her? She does not like him, and she won't care about all his money, so if he likes her, he needs to make himself more approachable. And apologise, he must absolutely apologise to Lizzy.

Would I like him as a brother? I would like his money and London house for sure, but him? Does he meet the characteristics for a Lizzy husband? Clever and educated – he certainly is that. Handsome – yes. Outdoorsy – he seems so and he has an estate so won't drag her to town too much. Well-read – again I think he is, Lizzy spoke of a book they debated at Netherfields, and of poetry, so that's good. Although I do not like poetry, for they never say what they mean straight, Lizzy has tried to find some poems I like, but she has not managed yet. I don't know if he likes the theatre, Mr Darcy I mean, but if he likes books, he probably does. I wonder if he is hiding some passionate side of him under all the brooding. That would make him suitable I think.

She is very lively, and she seems to drag him out of his shell more than anyone, would that be enough? I need more time to think, and this time I cannot ask Lizzy. Maybe I can ask Charlotte.

LMB


~ Monday the eighteenth of November, late, safe in my room ~

Gollumpus – another word I found a perfect use for. Mr Collins, our father's cousin, the heir to Longbourn is a gollumpus. In fact, he matches several of the words in that insult list. Gundiguts works too, Puff Guts, why not. The man is fat, clumsy, smelly and oh my god, he talks so much. More than Mama, more than Aunt Phillips, more than all of us five girls together. And he has nothing interesting to say, who cares about his grand Lady Patroness or what she says – she sounds just nosey and interfering, not at all nice.

I am glad he followed Papa in his study and talked to him for over an hour, although Papa was not glad at all. How we are to survive his company for two full weeks I have no idea. I think I will die of boredom or gauge my own eyes out.

Even Mary, who enjoys a sermon more than most, could not like him. I am sure she will pretend she does but I saw her roll her eyes – I will admit she was discreet and ladylike, but that was an eye roll, most absolutely. I don't blame her, even I could notice he misquoted the bible, and I don't know that many verses, it must have hurt her mind coming from a parson.

Lord, to think some poor parishioners have to listen to him droning on and on every Sunday. I shudder just to think of it.

I will not think of it, I will check what Kitty has been drawing for the past twenty minutes and then go to sleep.

LMB

I need to add a note – Kitty was drawing the pretty phlox that somehow is still in bloom at this late time of the year (what a terribly name for such delicate flowers) they are the only flowers left at the front of the house, I think it is because they are so well protected by the garden wall, and autumn has been very mild until now. I do not think they will last much longer as it is getting cold. Lizzy is right, Kitty is talented, her drawing is simply beautiful. She has written Aunt Gardiner in London to ask for more supplies for Kitty as we could not find many in Meryton, and Lizzy thinks we should get Kitty some watercolours for Christmas – our aunt can bring them when they visit.

I must talk to Papa and Mama tomorrow, Kitty needs a master to help her, but she will be the most wonderful artist, I am sure of it. Such a beautiful drawing and done when the flowers are not visible from our room, or at night, I guess even if we were in the front parlour, she could not see them at that time. Clever Kitty. I hope they agree. Maybe she can draw me, so I can always remember how pretty I am now, for when I am as old as Mr Thompson, I probably won't be so pretty anymore. I wonder if I will get prettier after twenty years old, like Jane did. Maybe that would be just too much.

LMB again.