By the time American Werewolf had finished, it was nearing ten and Sam was reasonably confident that her parents would be at home. She thanked Mrs Scott and told her she'd walk back to her house.
Mrs Scott frowned. Had Sam done something to annoy her? "I don't know, Samantha. It's quite late. It might be better if I give you a ride..."
"No, it's fine. Honestly." Sam was exhausted. She had no more energy available to perform a conversation with an interested adult, even a short one while Mrs Scott drove her home.
"I can walk Sam, Mrs S." Eddie was putting his jacket on in the hallway. "You're towards Hampton, right?" Sam nodded. "My van's parked that way anyway so it's no problem."
Sam nibbled her lip. It would be an inconvenience for Eddie if he had to overshoot his van to walk her all the way home and then walk back. She wondered how much she would have to argue with him to get him to let her walk the remainder of the way on her own. Less than it would take to argue with Mrs Scott, she thought.
Mrs Scott seemed to perceive her hesitation as worry about walking home with Eddie. "Don't worry, Samantha. Eddie will see you home safe. He may seem mean and scary, but he's a gentleman. Aren't you, Eddie?"
"But of course!" Eddie grabbed Sam's bag from the floor next to the front door and swung it over his shoulder. "M'lady."
Damn, how was she going to get her bag if he didn't want to give it back? It hadn't happened since middle school, but she recalled vividly the times that other boys and girls had grabbed her bookbag from her and withheld it. She had never figured out the right thing to do to get them to give it to her and over the years she had spent hours retrieving its scattered contents from the hallways and playgrounds. She picked up her library book and hugged it to her chest. At least she could keep hold of this. And she had twenty minutes before she got home to figure out a plan for persuading Eddie to give her her bag back. She followed him out the front door.
Eddie had long legs and strode up the road confidently. That suited Sam just fine. She was shorter than him by several inches but she walked fast. One of the things she hated was having to wait for other people when they walked too slow. It felt like all her energy got locked in her thighs when she had to do that. The pace that Eddie set was just right. As she walked, she relaxed a little about her bag. She was moving at a pace that worked for her body and Eddie was letting the silence stretch comfortably between them. Not everyone did that. Sometimes people felt the need to fill the silence and then she had to meet them in conversation. It wasn't too difficult if the topic was one she was interested in, although she still had to monitor herself so that she didn't get too excited and dominate the conversation with the information she wanted to impart to them. If it was a topic she wasn't interested in, she had to work harder to make the whole thing work. She had to listen to what they said and think of a response and monitor her reactions to make sure they were appropriate. And get the timing right so that she spoke up at the right point without interrupting or leaving long gaps. It was tiring. Not like this. Walking and no talking. This was great.
With the hand that wasn't holding her book, she stroked the pad of her thumb over her fingertips, one circle over the tip of her middle finger, the same over her index finger, and then over her ring finger. The gesture soothed her further, the feel of her skin sliding against skin. It was silky and... right. A good little feedback cycle. She was partway through repeating the gesture when her eyes flickered from scanning the path ahead of them to Eddie and she saw him watching her hand. Damn. She should have realised he would notice that. She dropped her fingers into a neutral pose, willing him to stop looking at her.
Maybe if she distracted him with conversation... She was loathe to break the silence but there was a question that she wanted to ask. One that she thought he might answer for her. He had been kind to her earlier in the night. He was being kind right now by carrying her bag, assuming he gave it back. She would ask him. He would probably be kind again and give her the information she wanted. Even if he laughed at her for it, she would be fine.
"Eddie. Can I ask you a question?" She had pitched her voice a little quiet but the road was empty of traffic and people at this time of night so it didn't matter, he still heard her.
"Yep!" That plosive P... That felt nice. She popped her lips together pleasantly before asking her question.
"You're a guy." A stupidly obvious observation but she needed some way to start her question.
Eddie let out a laugh. "Noticed that, did you?"
Sam nodded. "Why would a guy ask a girl out if he didn't like her? Unless it's leading to a pig's blood situation, like in Carrie." She may as well make it clear that she had thought of that option to save his time considering it.
Eddie slowed his pace and turned to her. As much as she didn't want to, she had to slow down too in order to match him if she wanted an answer to her question. He slowed to a halt in the middle of the footpath. Ok, stopped was better than too slow. She made an effort to look at his face. He was giving her a curious look. Not curiouser and curiouser like Alice, but like he was actually curious about her question. "Someone asked you out?" He didn't sound like he was amused by the thought that anyone would ask her out. She thought she could risk the truth.
"Yeah."
"But you don't think the guy likes you? And you want to know why he would ask you if that's the case?" Eddie scratched his jaw. Sam nodded. "Did you say yes?"
"No, that would be stupid. Pig's blood, remember?" She was slow with some things like emotions and other people, but she wasn't stupid.
"Well, that's something at least," Eddie muttered under his breath. His comment didn't appear to be aimed at her so she thought she could probably ignore it without any problems. He started walking again and Sam walked beside him. He seemed to be thinking. "So I guess the first question to ask is why do you think he doesn't like you?"
"I don't think. I know. Because..." Sam shrugged.
"Because...?" Eddie was staring at her again. Was he really going to make her say it? She felt the familiar bubble of mortification rise inside her again. Surely he knew? Eddie raised an eyebrow at her.
Damn... damn! She shouldn't have started this conversation. Look at where it had gotten her. She slid her hand around the cover of her book and pressed the hard corner into the middle of her palm. The pain was sharp and helped to centre her. Ok... she would have to answer his question. He either didn't know or he wanted her to say it out loud for some reason. Either way, she could do this.
She stared dead ahead and made her voice as neutral as possible. There was a slight lump in her throat but it was fine, it wouldn't stop her talking. "I have something wrong with me. Something missing or broken. I don't ever remember it not being like that. Everyone seems to see it when they look at me. And I know that it exists because of the feedback they give me but I can't see what it is. And no-one will tell me. Even when I ask." It wasn't like she hadn't asked. Her mother had told her that she was imagining it, that there was nothing wrong with her even though that had obviously been a lie. Her father had told her to stop being so sensitive. After that, she had given up on adults and tried to ask her cousin because she was around the same age. Her cousin had just scolded her for looking for compliments and attention. She hadn't been doing that though. She had just wanted someone to tell her what was wrong with her.
"Because I don't know what it is, I can't make it right. But I know it makes me do and feel things incorrectly. And I don't read people properly either. It's like everyone is speaking a foreign language that I don't speak." She needed to wrap up now before she started rambling. "Anyway, that's why guys don't want to date me. Because of the broken thing." Sam took a deep breath and forced herself to stop talking. She had explained it as best as she could and either Eddie understood or not. She hoped he wouldn't try to tell her there was nothing wrong with her. That was such a tiring lie when she couldn't point to the bit that was wrong and say "There it is!" to disprove it.
Eddie was silent for a couple of minutes, staring ahead of them at the path. That suited Sam just fine. It allowed her to get some control over her throat that was threatening to close around the lump and her eyes that were feeling hot and scratchy. Crying would do no good. It never did when it came to this topic.
She had calmed significantly by the time Eddie responded to her. Not happy, not sad, just calm. Far away from troublesome emotions. She thought she had gotten away with it too. She had remained calm on the outside the entire time. Her voice hadn't shaken. She hadn't cried or made inappropriate facial expressions. When he spoke, she was almost as calm on the inside as she appeared on the outside.
"Has it occurred to you that maybe whatever is wrong isn't with you but with the world's expectations of you? That you're fine, and it's everyone and everything around you that has a problem?"
"I'm clearly not fine, Eddie. I'm weird and..." Wait, what had he said first? "The world's expectations…" she muttered to herself. That was a new perspective. Sam slowed to a halt as she considered his words. She would need to take some time to herself to really think about that later. When she was alone.
Eddie stopped in front of her and turned to face her. He was still talking even as Sam was mulling over his earlier words. "Yeah, ok. You're a little weird. But all the really interesting people are. And as for guys not wanting to date you, that's nonsense." He stepped closer to her and leaned forward to bring his face down to the same height as hers. "I want to date you, Sam. I'd like to take you out, if you'd like that."
What?!
"What?!" Sam's brain had been rudely booted right out of her thoughts to face what Eddie had just said to her. This wasn't just flirting, this was... Her understanding of the universe flipped awkwardly, making her dizzy.
"I said, I'd like to date you." Eddie was watching her with some indecipherable look on his face. While she looked at his mouth, he drew his bottom lip in between his teeth, chewing it lightly.
She pointed vaguely towards his face, and she whispered, "What emotion is that?" She honestly didn't know.
"What?" Eddie's face changed. Now he just looked confused.
"You had a look on your face. And I don't know what it meant... I need you to tell me what emotion it was." Because of the broken thing. Because it stopped her from knowing.
"Uh... nerves, I guess." She saw Eddie's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "I'm nervous. Because I like you and I asked you out and you're kinda leaving me hanging here..."
Nervous... huh? He was nibbling on his lip again. It looked painful. Sam raised her hand towards his face, "Can I...?" Eddie froze, then nodded. She used her thumb to gently ease his bottom lip from between his teeth. His lips were very soft. Unexpectedly so. She stroked the pad of her thumb over his bottom lip. It was more pleasant even than rubbing her thumb against her own fingertips. As she watched his mouth, he pursed his lips and kissed the tip of her thumb. She pulled her hand away from his face.
"Can I kiss you?" Eddie's voice was barely above a whisper.
She gave him a confused look, her eyes flickering quickly between his mouth and eyes before settling back on his mouth. "You just did."
His lips curled into a smile. Amusement, she thought. "I meant on the mouth."
"Oh..." She'd never done it before. She wouldn't be any good at it. She wondered if she should warn him. Oh to hell with it, he'd figure it out himself quickly enough. She nodded and let her eyes close. She worked at keeping her nerves contained. Very gently he touched her. Stroked his fingers over her jaw and into her hair, letting them tangle behind her ear. She parted her lips slightly as she felt something soft touch them. Something warm and gentle. Eddie...
He pulled back from her after a couple of seconds. "Move your lips against mine. Just copy what I do." Oh, of course. Stupid girl. You can't just stand there like a statue.
She felt his mouth meet her own again. Felt how he was caressing her lips with his. She made an effort to memorise the feeling, even as she mimicked his actions. Her first kiss. Her heart was thudding painfully behind her ribcage. Her stomach had wrapped itself into a tight little ball. Her muscles felt like she had touched a live wire. It sounded terrible. It felt wonderful. His lips were so soft... Were all lips this soft?
He pulled back a second time and she wondered what she had done wrong. But he wasn't scolding or correcting her on anything. He was just smiling at her like he was happy. Had she done that?!
"So... about that date?" he grinned a little wider.
He still wanted to go out with her? After he'd kissed her. Well, she wasn't going to say no. Saying no to Nick had been no hardship but if this was her one chance to go on a date with Eddie Munson, she wasn't going to blow it. She'd date him until he saw whatever the broken thing was and decided he didn't want to spend time with her anymore after that. And she'd be heartbroken but at least she'd be left with the memories of this kiss and at least one date. She nodded, "Yes."
She glanced at his eyes. They were crinkled with what she hoped was happiness and she found herself smiling back at him. Really smiling, not just drawing her lips back to present what other people expected of her.
He took her hand and led her along the path towards her house. It felt strange, his grasp on her hand. The way he stroked his pinkie finger lightly against hers. The feeling of his heavy rings against her skin. Not bad, but... not something she was used to. She'd have to get used to it. It's what people who dated did.
He kept glancing over at her out of the corner of his eye, grinning wider each time he did so. Her house was in sight now. The car was in the driveway and the lights were on so she knew her parents were home. "What are you doing on Friday?"
She wanted to say something flirty like 'You' but that would be too much. It would haunt her later when she replayed this conversation in her head, picking it apart to examine it for all the things she had done wrong. Things that she needed to fix before the next time. She settled for the truth. "Nothing apart from school."
"How about Friday evening for our date then?" He drew to a halt outside her house. How did he know this was hers?
She nodded, suddenly unable to string a coherent sentence together. The day had been too long. She had too much to process. The thought of talking to anyone right now, even the boy who had just asked her out, was too much. She would retain enough words to explain to her parents why she was coming home late and then she needed to sleep.
Eddie seemed satisfied with her nod regardless. He squeezed her fingertips briefly and dropped her bag off his shoulder to hand to her. "Great. Sleep tight, beautiful. See you tomorrow at school." And then he was gone, walking quickly down the path they had come from, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet with every step.
It wasn't until Sam had made it to bed that she realised she hadn't asked what he wanted to do for their date. She would have to ask. It would be better if she knew in advance. She could make a plan then. Maybe even ask for the concessions that would make her more comfortable. So she could enjoy herself and make the most of it. She lay staring at the light from the streetlamps on her ceiling, performing her nightly ritual of stretching each limb to its limit to release the energy in it and allow her to sleep. For all her tiredness, she had to actively get rid of the tension that built up inside her everyday before she could rest.
She wondered what their date would be like and how many of them she would get before Eddie saw the broken thing. It was really going to hurt when he realised he didn't want to see her any more. Best to make the most of it in the meantime.
