Sam sat in the dark living room and tried not to watch the clock. Having the lights out helped. It meant she had one less form of input to process. All her eyes could make out were shadows. Unless she leaned over the arm of the armchair. Then she could see the glowing clock on the oven in the kitchen. She did that now to see how much time had passed since she last checked. Eddie would be here in five minutes. Or less. Or more. It was hard to tell, she wasn't sure how punctual he usually was.
She fidgeted with the cuff on her sweater. It was a cotton knit with a V-neck. Comfortable. Not like wool or synthetics that would have her crawling out of her skin before she left the house. Not a tight collar that would have her wanting to rip it off as soon as it went on. She was so sensitive to what she wore. Too sensitive, her father said. At least her mother accommodated her. Natural fibres, so long as they weren't wool. No makeup. No jewellery, except a watch and even that had to have a leather strap. She couldn't bear metal links or plastic against her skin. Just like she couldn't bear the touch of another person unless she was prepared for it. Usually, them asking was enough to prepare her. But when they touched her without warning, she had to work to stop herself flinching.
She thought back to Eddie's touches on Tuesday night. His mouth had been on her. His hands too. She hadn't flinched. Because he had asked first. And she had been wanting him to touch her for so long, even when it seemed like an impossibility, even when she thought he didn't know that she existed. Since he had held a door open for her the first week of the school year, she had wanted him to touch her. To talk to her. To ask her out. And now he had and she thought she was going to lose her mind waiting for him.
She had made it all the way to junior year without a boy showing the blindest bit of interest in her beyond the occasional friendly conversation about fantasy books or horror films and she had been fine with that. She didn't really understand the appeal of going on dates or letting boys touch her. She had seen couples making out around town sometimes. They mostly pawed at each other. It looked like the type of thing that would make her flinch. And boys clearly didn't see the appeal of her. But then Eddie had held open one door for her and bam! It suddenly felt like dating and touching would be appealing so long as it was him doing it. For weeks, she had ridden high on the feeling she got from him holding that door for her and the little wink he had given her as he did so, until she realised that he had probably done it by accident. Because Eddie, for all his metal exterior, for all that he was a freak and a non-conformist, was clearly into cheerleaders. She had seen that as she glanced at him between classes and during lunch. He held doors open for them at every opportunity, danced politely out of their way in the cafeteria, bowed dramatically as they walked past him in the hallways. He liked pretty girls in short skirts with high ponytails and makeup and jewellery. Not girls who lived in jeans and comfortable shirts, who struggled with anything that constrained their long hair because tying it or pinning it felt too tight, who dreamed of dragons and dramatic bards with long curling hair like a romantic poet and artists' hands and...
There was a knock on the front door. Sam jumped up. Finally! She glanced at the glowing clock as she walked to the hall. He was two minutes early. She felt a little giddy at the idea he was here at all. Thank God her parents were out this evening. She didn't think she could manage if she had to answer their questions about a guy picking her up to go on a date. As it was, they hadn't asked anything at all after she said she might go out. On Fridays, they had a standing date for bridge with another couple who worked with her father, and Sam sometimes went to the library or the cinema while they were out. So it wasn't too unusual that she had plans tonight. Even if the plans themselves were unusual. She just hadn't mentioned that aspect to them and they hadn't asked. A lie by omission maybe, but that was a tricky thing to prove.
She opened the door to find Eddie standing outside. As expected. Not dressed up. Also as expected. Although he had changed some of his clothes since school. The t-shirt under his red flannel shirt was a plain black one this evening. No curvy spiky demons or band names for her to consider. Her eyes lingered on his chest where the logos normally sat. This t-shirt was a little more snug on him that the others were. She could make out the slight dip between his pectoral muscles. The shadow in that dip expanded and contracted as he breathed in and out. Sam felt hypnotised.
Goddammit, how long had she been staring at his chest? Again? People were right. She was so weird. She squeezed her eyes closed and then popped them open, forcing herself to look directly into his. "Sorry!"
"Don't be," he said with a grin.
He looked... smug? Satisfied? Or... "Pride?" she asked.
"Hell yeah! A hot girl checking out my body? You can bet I'm proud."
She resisted the urge to hug herself. Hot? He had called her beautiful before, but hot? That did not line up with her view of herself. She had no idea what to say to that.
Fortunately, Eddie saved her from herself. His gaze dropped to her mouth, "May I kiss you?"
How to answer? 'You may' seemed too formal, 'yes' was too abrupt, swooning and having him catch her was too dramatic although she thought he might appreciate the humour. She opted for "Please" with a little curve of her lips. He leaned down to her and pressed his lips gently to hers, stroking his thumb over the line of her jaw as her eyes fluttered shut. It only lasted a second but the feeling of his lips against hers left her head reeling. And then, as his mouth parted from hers, he flicked his tongue out to lick lazily over her lips. Just once, slow and teasingly. Not even into her mouth, just over it, but it was enough to elicit a tiny involuntary moan from her. He pulled back as her eyes shot open and her mouth clamped shut. How embarrassing! There was no way he didn't hear that.
He dropped his hand from her jaw to stroke one finger down her neck. "Definitely sweet enough," he said with a smile. He had two points of colour high on his cheeks. He held his hand out. "Come on, m'lady. Your dinner awaits!" She slipped her hand into his warm one, and pulled the front door shut behind her, before allowing him to lead her to his van.
Benny's had been a good option tonight. There were a few families finishing their meals at this hour, but far fewer high school kids than normal for a Friday. A couple of sophomores gave them odd looks as they walked in. Sam was used to odd looks. Fleeting ones could be ignored. Longer ones could be walked away from. And sophomores were unlikely to make comments, especially with a senior at her side. Eddie steered her to a booth towards the back and examined the menu in front of him. Sam did the same for the sake of looking as normal as possible. She already knew what she wanted to have. Benny had a new Mexican burger on the menu. She hadn't had it before but that was part of the appeal. She didn't like repeating her food orders. Having the same coffee or dessert every time you went out was fine. It was typical to have favourites for those. Weird if you changed them too frequently. But meals were different. You could try different things every time you ate out without seeming odd. And Sam liked trying new foods. Even the ones she didn't like were a good thing. A lesson learned.
The waitress gave them a few minutes before walking over to take their order. A Mexican burger with extra jalapeños on the side and a strawberry milkshake for Sam. A double cheeseburger and a chocolate milkshake for Eddie. And a large fries to share. Eddie quirked an eyebrow when she ordered the jalapeños and leaned forward with a grin after the waitress had left. "Someone's been paying attention to proper pronunciation in Spanish class..."
"Jalapeños...?" Sam felt the corners of her mouth twitch. "It feels nice to say." She repeated the word, drawing it out. "It's all soft. Even the P is soft."
"Hal-eh-pean-yos. Hmmm... That is nice to say." Although she wasn't looking directly at his face, Sam could feel Eddie's eyes on her. "You do that a lot, you know? Make the shape of words with your lips. Saying them silently."
He had noticed? Oh God, she hadn't thought it was so obvious. She dropped her eyes to the paper placemat in front of her, edging her hand out from underneath the table to straighten the edge of it relative to the edge of the table. Now that she had done that, the cutlery needed straightening too. A nervous habit. These things usually only bugged her when she was stressed. Eddie was still waiting for an answer. Patiently. Not pushing her. "Some words feel good. When you say them." Such a stupid childish thing to like.
But Eddie didn't make fun of her for it. He leaned forward again. "What's your favourite word to say?" She wasn't looking at him but she could still hear the smile in his voice. Not teasing this time. Just smiling. She could almost see the curve of his mouth. Would see it if she looked up.
She looked up. Yes, he was smiling. "It changes from time to time, but at the moment, it's 'ebullient'."
He made the shape of the word with his mouth, letting his lips linger over it. "That T at the end is hard."
Sam nodded, flickering her eyes quickly to his and then away again. There was a man in a dark coat walking a golden retriever around the corner across the road. "Hard is fine. It contrasts nicely with the softness of the B and the Ls. And the word flows from the front of your mouth to the middle and back to the front again. What's your favourite word to say?"
Eddie considered for a minute. "Enwrought."
"Ohhhh... Enwrought with golden and silver light."
He grinned, "Yeah, we studied it last year in English. I figured that was the story of my life. Having people tread on my dreams..."
She glanced at his eyes and arranged her face in a questioning expression. "I think it's meant to be romantic...?"
He grinned a little wider this time, "Yeah, I'm starting to see that now."
Their milkshakes arrived, interrupting the conversation. Sam took a moment to rearrange her thoughts. Interruptions could be bothersome. They usually resulted in a change of topic even if the previous one had been interesting. She held her cup in one hand, the cold bleeding through the metal into her fingers, while she stirred her milkshake with her straw. Eddie reached out to trace one finger over the back of her hand holding the cup. "This ok?" She nodded and took a sip of her milkshake. "Would you prefer if I asked?"
Every time? Sam considered it. That would be overkill. "Maybe just at the start. And... if there's a change in pace? Level? I'm not sure what the word is that I'm looking for."
Eddie thought for a couple of seconds. "So, like, don't go from holding hands to sticking my hand up your top without asking first? Gotcha!"
Sam chuckled at the thought of Eddie Munson of all people wanting to stick his hand up her top. Although he had almost stuck his tongue in her mouth earlier so maybe he did want to do that too.
"Doing wonders for my ego that you're laughing at the thought of me feeling you up, I have to say." His voice was low and teasing.
She giggled. Oh my God, she was giggling over a boy. Her transformation to airhead was complete. She made an effort to get herself under control. "It's not that... It's..." She flicked her gaze to the window again. She couldn't find the words to say that it was impossible to her that he would want to do things like that with her after she had spent most of a year with a massive crush on him. Not without outright saying she had a massive crush on him. There was no way she was brave enough to ever say that. She growled out a little frustrated noise. Why could she not do the flirty thing that other people did? Come up with some witty response that suggested she liked him without exposing herself quite so much? Their food arrived. Sam continued to stare out the window.
Eddie tapped the back of her hand gently with one finger. "It's ok... You don't have to explain yourself. How about we eat before it gets cold?"
The silence drew out between them. Comfortable. Sam munched on her burger, throwing occasional glances at Eddie. When he caught her doing that, he winked back at her and she felt herself want to freeze like a rabbit in headlights. She covered it by popping a couple of jalapeños into her mouth, relishing the heat of them. She could feel her cheeks warming but this was the ok kind of warming. It was because of the chillies, rather than her emotions.
He finished his burger and took a sip of his milkshake before leaning his elbows on the table in front of him. "Can I ask a question...?" She nodded. "You don't like looking into people's eyes?"
She shifted uncomfortably, suddenly hyper aware of her body and its annoying limitations. Or maybe this was a limitation of her brain. Deep breath. Find the right words. She had tried to explain this to her parents in the past and it hadn't gone well. They hadn't understood and had gotten visibly annoyed, and she had panicked and cried. It had exhausted her for days afterwards. "When I do it, it feels like the other person is looking into me. Like I don't have any secret places left. It's all exposed. Sometimes I can do it without feeling like that, if I'm prepared. But people want you to make eye contact for longer than is comfortable for you but then if you do it for too long, it becomes uncomfortable for them and you're being the weird one. Too intensely stare-y, you know?" Why was she talking in the second person? This wasn't something Eddie suffered from. It was all her. "Anyway, I never know how long is right and it's usually exhausting anyway so the short answer is no, I don't like it."
She saw Eddie's arm move out of the corner of her eye. "Ok. Mind if we try something? Look at me for a sec?" She glanced up at his face, intending to look away immediately. After a revelation like that, she just wanted to fold in on herself. Sustained eye contact was definitely not happening. But Eddie wasn't making eye contact with her. He had propped his chin on his first and had raised his eyes to stare at the ceiling fan over the booth behind her. "Is this better?" His lips were pursed in a little smile.
"Um... yeah." Sam let her eyes rest on his face as he held still for her. His eyes remained on the ceiling. She felt that little rush of heat between her legs again. He really was handsome. She took in his lips and jawline and eyes. They were an intense liquid brown. She hadn't realised that before.
His smile spread a bit wider. "Having fun?"
"Yes!" Sam replied happily.
"Didn't think I'd say this, but this is pretty hot. Knowing that you're looking at me..."
Sam drank her fill of him. Let her eyes drop back to her food. "You can look down now if you want."
"Had enough for the moment?" he teased. Sam nodded and picked up her burger.
By the time they had finished eating, Sam thought she might be able to look Eddie in the eye again. She glanced at his mouth. Good... Tried for higher. Her eyes skittered off to look at the wall over his shoulder. Ok, not quite yet apparently.
Eddie cleaned his fingers with a napkin and balled it up. She tried not to stare at his hands. "Want dessert?"
Did she? She thought over the options on Benny's menu. Nothing appealed to her. Her desire was not for something sweet. She shook her head.
"Ok." He didn't sound bothered as he grabbed the check. She reached for her purse. "Hey. No. I asked you on a date, remember? So, I'm getting this."
She glanced at his mouth. A hard line. She swallowed, a little lump forming in her throat. She couldn't read it but she was pretty sure it was a negative emotion. What had she done to prompt that? "Annoyed?" She hazarded a guess.
Eddie's mouth dropped open. That was easier. Surprise. His voice was soft when he spoke. Which made no sense if he was annoyed. She was thoroughly confused. "I'm not annoyed, Sam. Tried for emphatic. Might have overplayed it."
Oh... She thought that over as the waitress came over to take Eddie's money. She just about remembered to thank the lady before she left with her payment. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, Eddie watching her as she thought it through. She gave up. It was getting her nowhere. "I don't understand. Why emphatic?"
He sighed. "You know I'm not exactly loaded, right?" Sam nodded. "So, paying my way is kind of a big deal regardless of that. My dad's a deadbeat and used to skim off everyone he knew whenever he was able to. Prison has been the only thing that stopped that particularly delightful trait. My uncle has tried to make sure I didn't turn into that."
Sam considered his words. She wanted clarification. "So, you feel you should pay because you asked me out?"
"Precisely."
"So if I ask you out, I can pay next time? And you'd have to stick to that deal, because I'm asking you out now." She forced herself to look at his face. Curled her lips into what she hoped was a cheeky grin.
Eddie's mouth pulled up into a matching grin and he rolled his eyes. Playful, she thought. "You're deranged, you know that? I just told you my dad's in prison and you're asking me out on a second date."
Sam shrugged. "Well, I'm not asking to date your dad so where he is shouldn't bother me."
His mouth dropped open. Definite shock. Should she not have said that? Dammit.
Suddenly he laughed, loudly enough that several other people in the restaurant turned to look at him. "Oh my God, you're perfect. I'm going to have to introduce you to my uncle Wayne sometime. He is going to love you! C'mon, beautiful. Let's blow this popsicle stand." Eddie took her hand and lead her out the door to the street. "So, what do you want to do for the rest of the evening? We could... uh, go back to mine and pop on a movie."
Sam smiled and nodded enthusiastically, "That sounds good!"
