Although her food of choice was not really different, Lily could not watch it.
Bella now drank the third cup of human blood and sighed contentedly. Her skin was now rosier and she had gained some weight.
Still, she did not look healthy.
The mood was a little better, apparently everyone was relieved that she was feeling better and Lily was relieved too. Although Carlisle's expression was still largely somber, at least it brightened when he saw her. For Carlisle, it made no difference how Bella was doing now, she was doomed to die.
There was no scenario for him in which the whole thing would end well.
He would not only lose a loved one, no, Edward would disappear and probably others. It would destroy the family he had created and loved so much.
Lily continued to stay outside most of the time, it was something she had not discarded even after her death or better her transformation. The house was huge and now as a vampire, it wasn't quite as intimidating either, but for someone who had lived alone most of his life, it was a bit crowded.
Through a large window, she watched Rosalie bring Bella a blanket.
Lily narrowed her eyes.
Of course, she realized why she was acting this way.
Bella was living her dream, her deepest desire.
It was hard to judge, because Lily had never really had time to consider the issue. She had never felt a desire to have children, how could she, she had only been 18, and when Edward, Bella and Alice returned from Italy and their fate was sealed, she had resigned herself to it.
She took a deep breath and made a face.
Jacob had now been joined by Leah and Seth.
She liked them both, she used to be good friends with Leah too, but the scent was really hard to bear.
Behind her she heard the heavy paws treading on the damp forest floor. She turned and looked into Leah's blue eyes.
Her thick fur shimmered gray and silver, contrasting subtly with the forest backdrop.
"You look better as a wolf than as a human."
The beast snorted.
What Lily liked about Leah was her humor. They could banter for hours.
The wolf disappeared into the bushes and Lily smelled the subtle change in scent. It was still ghastly but a tiny bit more bearable.
"At least I'm still human."
Leah's voice was low and raspy and while still pulling down her shirt, she walked up to Lily.
"You don't smell like one anymore, though."
"Don't get me started on smells..."
Leah wrinkled her nose and Lily laughed.
Leah never missed an opportunity to describe to Lily exactly what she stank of, and from her description, it had to be really horrible.
They walked a few steps away from the house,Lily had nothing to hide, but still she preferred a little privacy.
As possible it was in a house full of vampires and now wolves.
"I never said it, but I'm sorry about how things went with Sam."
Lily's voice was soft and careful.
Leah turned to her and looked at her with hard, dark eyes.
For a brief moment, Lily thought she was going to retort something nasty but finally the Quileute heaved a sigh and turned her gaze forward again.
"Thank you."
A comfortable silence spread, both women lost in thought.
"So. You and the doctor."
"Yes."
"That's.. "
"I know, yes."
"Are you happy?"
Leah looked at her, and there was nothing evil or reproachful in her gaze. Lily let her gaze wander over the river, thinking.
Was she happy?
With Carlisle? Yes.
With the situation? No.
"Yes. Yes I am."
Leah's expression changed and a wistfulness flared in her eyes.
"I envy you."
"You don't."
"No... Yes, I do." Leah shook her head.
"It's... no matter how hard I try to come to terms with it... it's so hard."
Lily looked at her with pity.
It had to be awful and no matter how difficult Leah could be, she definitely didn't deserve this. Alex was still a shadow haunting her and he was dead. What must it be like for Leah to have what she wanted walking around in front of her.
"I know."
"If only I could imprint. On anyone."
"Even on a vampire?"
Leah laughed out.
"Even on a vampire. Just to escape him, to not think about it for once."
"He'll come, I'm sure of it."
Leah shook her head and stepped from one foot to the other.
Lily got the feeling that this was the first time Leah had talked about it openly.
"As long as he doesn't have scary eyes like yours..."
Lily laughed out.
The red glow of her eyes had already lost intensity but it was still visible.
Carlisle still found her beautiful, though Lily wasn't sure if there was anything that could dissuade him from his fascination.
After all, she had killed people... and vampires, and yet he looked at her as if she were the noblest and most beautiful thing in the world.
"Paul still has a thing for you."
Lily wasn't fazed.
"Paul is an idiot and loves a challenge."
Leah immediately agreed with her and the women laughed.
It was the first moment in weeks that the world didn't seem quite so hard.
The wind shifted and she could pick up his scent; he and Emmet were returning from the hospital with more blood. She wanted to accompany him, but there was a risk that someone could see her and her appearance was more than changed and would definitely raise too many questions.
Leah immediately stepped aside and disappeared behind the bushes, Lily again heard their heavy paws moving away from her.
Carlisle pressed the cooler into Emmet's hand and walked over to Lily.
A satisfied grin spread across his face, almost carefree and happy, just as she missed it. Immediately she strode into his embrace and pressed her nose to his neck.
His scent broke over her like a wave and she closed her eyes in pleasure.
"How are you?"
His voice vibrated in his chest and Lily pressed herself even closer to him.
"Good now."
He gave a hoarse laugh.
Moments like this were rare, too rare.
Bella was drinking more blood than expected, and Carlisle was starting to get nervous.
He knew she would need more than they had for the birth, and a discussion erupted. Besides, a hunt was too dangerous, as Sam and his pack were just waiting for the opportunity to get them alone.
Lily was reaching fast her limits as she felt her hunger grow with every day. Having a human in the house, even a sick one, did not make it easier.
Her throat was burning and she knew the others were not faring any better. The eyes were jet black and the vampires silent.
Only Carlisle, Esme, Edward and Rosalie didn't seem to mind the thirst as much as the others, probably because they had more time to get used to it or because they saw the bigger picture behind it.
Lily didn't.
She didn't see the point behind it.
Bella would die, the wolves would kill the thing, and the family would be destroyed forever.
What was the point of it all?
Finally, Carlisle said he had to go to the hospital.
Emmet and Lily got up immediately. Emmet was probably thinking more about hunting and Lily wouldn't let Carlisle out of her sight again. Besides, it was already nighttime and the danger of being seen was non-existent.
It did not take long as the first wolves rushed after them.
Paul, of all people, was among them.
Lily dropped back and covered Carlisle's back, her power was ready and if necessary she would push the wolves back and increase their lead.
There were only two, the rest would probably continue to lurk near the house. Emmet flanked her and she was sure he was doing it just to have a little fun with them as well.
The wolves wouldn't attack them, they were outnumbered, but she was never sure about Paul. He was a lot like Emmet and would probably just try for the sake of fighting.
The town was already visible and Lily was relieved. Once they were on the road, the wolves wouldn't stand a chance.
Carlisle slipped into the hospital through a side entrance and Lily and Emmet waited impatiently. The scent of the humans was tantalizing and Lily felt her throat burn. They should leave again, as soon as possible.
All of a sudden there was a crack behind them, Emmet immediately crouched down and had his massive arms ready.
Through the thick forrest came Paul, dressed only in a tattered jean.
Emmet growled at him but Lily gave him a shove.
Paul obviously didn't want to fight, and she wouldn't attack him without reason. His muscles moved under the dark skin and he was not inferior to Emmet in terms of physique.
"You live dangerously, Lahote."
Paul tilted his head and eyed them.
"Do you know what you're protecting?"
Paul's voice was reproachful and charged with energy.
He'd always had a pretty short fuse, that obviously hadn't changed.
"It doesn't matter."
Emmet relaxed a bit, but kept an eye on the surroundings. After all, there was still a wolf prowling around.
"No? So Seth having to fight his friends, his brothers, or Leah having to choose doesn't matter?"
"I don't think the decision was difficult for Leah."
Lily's voice was cynical, and Paul rolled his eyes.
"You know what I mean- how can you- do you think Alex would have wanted this?"
Lily interrupted him, maybe it was hunger, maybe it was tension, but her patience was wearing thin and when Paul mentioned Alex she was done.
"How can I what? What choice do I have? You think I'm going to leave Carlisle to you? You think I chose this?"
She pointed at her stony, cold body. Paul backed away and Emmet also took a step to the side.
During her outburst, the trees that covered the moonlight above them creaked.
Paul shook his head.
"No, of course not."
It was the first time Paul stepped back from a fight, and Lily's anger flattened.
"It is what it is, Lahote."
She saw that he knew what she meant. She wasn't just talking about Bella's monster baby, she was talking about everything. About her accident, about Alex, about Carlisle, about her transformation.
In the distance she heard a yelp and Paul disappeared, at the same time Carlisle joined them and they set off, this time without wolves on their tail.
Something must have happened and Lily was glad that Carlisle was with her, safe.
She thought of the situation with Paul and she suddenly remembered Rosalie's words.
Was this the life she would have chosen? What she would have dreamed of?
She flanked Carlisle and looked at him out of the corner of her eye.
Would she have chosen that life? No.
But she chose Carlisle, she would always choose him. In a different life, in a different world. It didn't matter.
He was worth it, and that was all she needed to know.
It did her no good to think about missed opportunities and sulk around with what ifs.
In a perfect world, she would have met Carlisle as a human being, they would have gotten married and maybe had children. They would live in a nice house with a big yard, a house with a tight roof and a warmth that didn't just come from a fireplace.
But that was the perfect world and when you forget the monsters, their world wasn't so bad.
Before she saw it, she could smell the pack and the Cullens.
From the house came the intrusive scent of human blood, something that had clearly belonged to Bella. Carlisle's fears had come true.
Bella was dead and now they had to contend with the consequence.
Lily pushed the wolves back a few feet with a wave of her hand to buy a little time.
The tactic worked, big black eyes looked at her in horror.
What Paul had only suspected was now confirmed. The pack knew of their power.
There was chaos and even without Edward's gift, Lily knew the wolves were considering their next move. They would never break the line of the Cullens, not as long as Lily was here.
But would they kill her?
Lily almost hoped so, because if the pack focused only on her, maybe she could save Carlisle. Suddenly Jacob stormed out of the house and with a loud growl he phased.
He stood in front of the Cullens and a deep growl came from his powerful throat.
Edward, who was covered in blood, looked at him in horror. "He imprinted. They can't hurt her."
Lily was confused.
She knew from Paul what imprinting was all about, she knew Leah would do anything to imprint on someone just to get away from Sam. But she hadn't thought it would stop the wolves. Edward explained that whoever a wolf was imprinted on was not to be harmed.
That was there number one rule.
The wolves froze. Lily could sense that it was more of a constraint than a directive, and for a brief second she thought of what might happen if the child were really as unpredictable as Sam had feared. What if it couldn't quench its thirst. What if it wiped out all of Forks and the state of Washington?
Who would stop it before the Volturi did and killed them all?
