It was something random she planned to try, once she was far, far away from the spotlight.

She'd read about it shortly after finally learning Occulmency.

Astral walking. The Arte of separating your conscious mind from your body and basically flying around. It went into extensive detail about how to protect your body from unwanted intruders trying to take over while you were gone, and how to defend yourself against possession when you were in the body.

She took all due precaution, but forgot about one thing.

Human intervention.

When she got bored and went back to where she left her body, she found it missing and her things packed up. Horrified, she started checking local hospitals...and found it just in time to see her body possessed by a demon.

Needless to say she was beyond pissed at this development. Fortunately the book also clearly stated that as long as one remained within a certain distance of the body, the magic would keep the soul shielded from unwanted predators.

It never said how you were supposed to get the body back in the event a demon got to it before you. She just hoped like hell the thing didn't kill her body.

Three agonizingly long months, and her rage toward the demon only continued to go up. And her assessment of the idiot who apparently believed this...Ruby...only continued to go down. Fortunately she had a way to vent her frustrations.

This Sam Winchester found himself the target of a very, very pissed off poltergeist, and since she never revealed herself, he couldn't figure out how to deal with the obvious ghost. Salt lines didn't help, because despite some rather valiant efforts she always found a way to slip through.

As someone who had walked through an intangible ghost many a time while a student, she knew that salt only worked when you could completely surround yourself with it...and she had no problems throwing his own things at him. Every time he slept with her body, the amount of activity skyrocketed.

Sam ended up getting a lot of sleepless nights because of it, and nothing Ruby did helped. Primarily because demons were vulnerable to pretty much the same things as ghosts...and this particular spirit wasn't technically dead.

Finally enough was enough, and he drove to Bobby's house hoping he had a place to sleep that was ghost proof.


"Dammit boy, where the hell have you been?"

"Bobby, do you have any place to sleep that ghosts can't enter?" asked Sam with a wide yawn.

Bobby narrowed his eyes at him.

"You have a ghost and haven't salted and burned it yet?"

"It seems to be following me and is pissed off, and I can't find out why. And since I haven't seen the thing I can't track down who it was. It's a slippery one."

"...Panic room in the basement. And when you get up you're going to have a lot of explainin' to do."

"At this point, I just want to sleep without having to worry about my laptop damn near braining me," said Sam. That had happened twice and the second time he almost hadn't ducked quickly enough.

Sam went downstairs, got the bed the way he preferred it, and then firmly locked the door. He was out in minutes.


Bobby had seen many strange things since his wife died...but this took the cake.

Something had picked up a pretty heavy piece of solid wood and was wedging it against the door in a way that made it clear it was trying to open it without actually touching it. And he had never heard of a ghost doing that! Whatever this was, it was clearly aware and very active.

He knew what a haunting looked like. Whatever this was had attached itself to Sam, and he wanted to know why.

"I don't know who or what you are. But if you don't let that boy sleep, I'm going to dust the entire floor with salt."

The wood paused, then to his shock it moved to the wall. That was when the rapping started.

Bobby raised an eyebrow.

"One for yes and two for no, is that it?"

There was a single loud "THUMP!"

Bobby went upstairs, and he had a feeling the thing was following him.

He was halfway past his bookshelf when one of the books fell off with a loud thud. An unseen wind seemed to blow open the cover, which had him raising his eyebrows.

It was a common book on psychic abilities, from astral projection to pyrokinesis. He had bought it when Sam's abilities first started. It stopped firmly on the 'astral walking' page and a pen immediately seemed to underline the two words.

"So you're not a proper ghost. You're a psychic who's lost control of your body?"

It made sense. If a psychic stayed close to their still living body, it would provide enough protection and energy to stick around. The question was who exactly had Sam pissed off that they were sticking around rather than try to get their body back?

Bobby looked in the general direction of where he thought the soul was. He could see a light haze that didn't look quite right.

"If we can find your body, we'll see about getting your soul back where it belongs. But you have to leave Sam alone."

The pen floated a bit, unstable and he could see the plastic beginning to melt from the sheer power being emitted. Whatever he said just set the soul off.

He quickly got a Ouija board and a pointer. Then he got a notepad and some paper. Spirits were able to move the pointers around, even if it was a cheap board.

Bobby kept one finger on the pointer and let the spirit 'talk'.

"D-u-m-b-a-s-s-i-s-s-l-e-e-p-i-n-g-w-i-t-h-d-e-m-o-n-w-h-o-h-a-s-b-o-d-y. Dumbass is sleeping with demon who has body? What demon?"

The pointer moved again.

"C-a-l-l-s-h-e-r-s-e-l-f-r-u-b-y. Calls herself Ruby."

Bobby's eye twitched. Sam was sleeping with a demon...and the soul of the body was caught outside? That explained a lot. Like why a poltergeist wanted to cave his head in.

Bobby looked at the general direction of the haze.

"You, stay here. When Sam wakes up I'm going to have a talk to him. And try to figure out how to write with a pen!" said Bobby.

"F-i-n-e. I-w-i-l-l-s-t-i-l-l-k-i-c-k-h-i-m-t-h-o-u-g-h. Fair enough," said Bobby.

Considering she definitely didn't give her consent to sleeping with him, a kick was the least of Sam's problems.


Sam stared at Bobby incredulous.

"What."

"Your ghost isn't dead."

"How is that even possible?"

"Astral projection. If a psychic forgot to put their body somewhere safe, people would assume that the person is dead and bury them. Sometimes people would be buried alive because the doctors didn't know any better."

Sam winced.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"From the sound of it the girl you've been seeing is possessed, and the original soul is pissed you've been sleeping with her."

Sam's wince became far more pronounced. Ruby had all but assured him that the body was already dead when she took over. She even showed a doctor's confirmation that the called Time of Death.

Suddenly Sam had misgivings about Ruby. Then he heard the scratching.

He turned and saw a pen moving awkwardly on paper.

Bobby picked it up when it was finished.

"'Now that you know that the body still has an owner, if I catch you sleeping with that demon whore again I'll make you wish you had never been born.' I ain't helpin' you get your body back if you're going to kill him after," said Bobby.

There was more scratching.

"Pranks are not off the table, but nothing lethal," said Bobby after a moment.

Sam had a sudden chill go down his spine. He had a bad feeling about this...and was that cackling he heard? What the hell?


The bad feeling panned out when a few days later, Sam tasted something off in his coffee...and felt a sudden shift in his body.

Thank god he was in a hotel room at the time.

He ran to the bathroom, looked in the mirror...and almost screamed in horror.

He had breasts! He...she...could literally see a very well endowed rack and in a state of panic she pulled open her sweatpants. And nearly did scream in horrified disbelief. What the hell had been in that coffee?!

Sam looked in the mirror, and noticed a grayish haze behind him...her. She turned, but found nothing. She looked in the mirror again. The haze was still there.

"Okay...either I'm going crazy...or my poltergeist decided to up the ante. Did you do this? Once for yes, twice for no."

A single loud thump.

"How long will this last?"

Seven loud thumps.

"A week?" guessed Sam. Another loud thump. "We really need to work out a better way of talking."

A thought occurred to her, so she let the mirror steamed up. She lost track of the odd haze, but it would allow the poltergeist to write instead of thumps.

Sam waited a few moments, and then the writing appeared. She could feel something cold on her shoulder, like someone was leaning over it. It felt like ice water.

"You...really...need...to...learn...Morse...code...dumbass," Sam read. She looked annoyed. "Why do you keep calling me a dumbass?"

Steam fogged up the mirror.

"You...sleep...with...a...demon...in...MY...body...and...drink...blood. Dumbass...is...fine. I take offense to that. And how was I supposed to know the body wasn't really dead?"

New writing appeared, almost angry.

"Demons...always...lie. And...people...are...idiots."

Sam couldn't exactly refute that.

"Look, can you use a computer to type?" asked Sam. "Pens...are...hard. I...can...peck."

Sam made a face. The 'hunt and peck' typing method was something people who weren't familiar with typing used. It was something he had to break Dean out of years ago.

Sam set up the computer and the Notepad program.

"Explain. How did you end up in the hospital long enough for doctors to declare you dead?"

Sam waited for the typing to stop for two full minutes before he read.

I was astral walking, and apparently forgot to close the blinds. Some maid saw me collapsed and called the paramedics. A body without a soul is just a shell, and all the defenses I made against the supernatural were worthless against humans. Even if I locked the bloody door.

Sam winced. Okay, he could understand that.

"Why were you astral walking, was it?"

Read about it in a book, decided to give it a try. Coincidentally changing genders will be the least of your worries when I get my body back.

Sam would have worried about what a poltergeist would do to him when it wasn't a spirit anymore, then his conscience kicked in. He was a Winchester. They kill monsters and saved people.

Still, this felt like it was going to be an awkward...and possibly painful...meeting with the owner of the body Ruby was using.


Sam had a chance exorcise Ruby when Dean suddenly came back. Seeing an opportunity when he spotted his brother, he figured he could use his brother as a meat shield once the woman repossessed her body.

Which was why Sam started the exorcism on Ruby, and Bobby joined in pretty quick when he figured out what was going on.

Ruby was likely to be pissed, but she didn't have to deal with an irate poltergeist that kept dumping foul concoctions in her drinks, food and anything he was likely to touch that had week-long side effects. Fortunately nothing lethal, but he was getting tired of being plagued with explosive diarrhea for two days straight.

Dean looked surprised, originally assuming the demon exorcism was for him until he saw how the very, very hot chick reacted.

She slumped into a nearby chair...before suddenly opening her eyes and looking very pissed off.

"NOW? Now you chose to get that demon bitch out of my body you..." she snarled, looking ready to claw Sam's eyes out.

Confusion turned to understanding and annoyance when his brother yanked his arm into the way of the irate female.

"Sammy, what the hell did you do to her to piss her off so much?"

"I haunted his ass for nearly four months because the son of a bitch was sleeping with a demon that just happened to take over my body."

"What."

Dean turned to look at his brother. Sam winced.

"You were sleeping with a demon?"

"Some bitch named Ruby. And he was stupid enough to go all vampire and drink her blood while he was doing it!"

Dean's scowl became more pronounced.

"Really Sammy?" he said. Sam practically wilted.

"Hey, she kept pranking me for three straight months!"

Her eyes narrowed in rage.

"You took your sweet time exorcising that bitch, and you think you have a right to complain if I took some payback since you were so bloody reluctant to get rid of her?!"

"What did you do to my brother?"

"Explosive diarrhea, fluorescent hair colors that lasted for weeks, and I've turned him into a girl and canary twice. Not my fault if he was dumb enough to eat a Canary Cream without asking where that cupcake came from," she replied instantly.

"You turned him into a girl? How?" said Dean, far too interested for Sam's comfort.

"Dumped a potion in his coffee. I know a pair of twins who were more than delighted to help me dose him when they found out what was going on. They also want to have a...word...with him once their passports clear and the demon's gone."

"Potion?" said Bobby abruptly. Okay, that explained how the hell she was able to stick around without a body for so long. A witch had a connection most people didn't have to their body. She must have stuck around Sam because of Ruby.

"He should be glad I'm not in the mood to use an explosive castration charm for that stunt he pulled!" snarled the witch.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a damn minute! Charms? Potions?" said Dean.

"You're a witch aren't you? The real kind, not the idiots who made deals with demons just to use magic?"

"I'm not one of those inbred hicks who can't use their powers just because their genetics are damaged! I'm a proper magical user, even if I prefer to solve things hands on!" snapped the girl.

"Bobby?"

"There are people who can use magic. Real magic, not that crap demons peddle. Generally only weak magicals or those born into magical family without the ability to use it make deals, because they can do more on their own without it. They live side by side with humans and rarely bother them. Hell, they're more likely to simply erase the memory of someone seeing something they shouldn't than kill the witness," said Bobby.

The girl rolled her eyes.

"There are entire teams of witches and wizards who erase the memory of magic. They remember the witch trials, and the last thing they want to deal with is a repeat. Even if as a consequence they are extremely backwards as a society."

"So...not evil?" said Dean carefully.

"Only if dumbass over there thinks I'll let Ruby anywhere near him or me. I plan to make that bitch suffer for the crap she put me through. Do you have any idea what's it like to have to dodge reapers for months?! They were about ready to call Death from the bloody pit because I refused to 'pass on', even though ghosts are common enough in England!"

She had a rather vindictive smirk as she then said "Though cold cocking the last two was pretty funny."

"I'm not going to ask. So you're sticking around?" said Dean.

"Until I get my revenge on that bitch for stealing my body...yes. Besides, Dumbass here needs someone to keep him in line and I'm still not done getting my revenge on his oversized ass," she replied.

Dean looked highly amused.

"You know I find it hilarious that she's calling him the dumb one and not me for once."

"Would you be stupid enough to believe a demon that keeps showing up doesn't have an ulterior motive for being helpful or a sinister motive?" she asked.

"Hell no. Demon killed our parents."

"Then you're not a complete dumbass like Gigantor here," she said flatly. "Not to mention the fact he never once asked what my name was."

"Who are you anyway?" asked Dean.

Surprisingly, it was Bobby who answered that.

"Regina Black. Savior of the English magical community, and Slayer of Dark Wizards. She has a habit of getting...creative...depending on the kill count of the people she's going after. She's pretty much the magical equivalent of a Hunter."

Dean and Sam stared at her. Regina smirked back.