Chapter Two
January 1940
Maria laughed as she watched Georg, Kurt, Friedrich, and Gretl take on the four older girls and Matthias in a snowball fight. Maria wished she could be out there as well, but Lida was far too little to be out in the cold January weather.
Truth be told, Maria wasn't overly excited about Georg being outside in these temperatures nor Liesl who had informed them recently she was carrying her first child with Matthias and was due at the beginning of summer.
Liesl's news had been a trigger for Maria as Liesl's baby would be born around the same time as Lida had been; meaning it was conceived about the same time of year as Lida, near the same time of year Maria was assaulted.
Georg had been wonderful as usual. He held and coaxed and coddled as much as she needed him to and he always did it until. It didn't matter how long the panic attack lasted or if they were reading as a family or if he had to be late to work he was there until Maria was calm and secure again.
Their ill-fated attempt at intimacy last October was the last time they even tried to be sexual with each other. Since that night Georg kept himself in check. The last thing he wanted to do was make anything harder on Maria. They would kiss and cuddle, there were even a few kisses and cuddles that could be called "deep", but Georg left his hands on Maria's back or waist, and his lips on her lips or cheeks. It was terribly restrictive for both of them.
While still not settled at "home" just yet, they hadn't been able to break ground on the farmhouse before the snow came, their rental house was large, warm, and beginning to feel like a home.
Georg herded the kids into the house before it went dark outside. "Okay, go wash up for dinner," he instructed with a clap of his hands. As soon as Lida saw Georg she started to kick her legs and squeal with delight.
"Hello, my Lida Rose," Georg greeted the little girl. "Were you helping Mama? Did you help Mama make stew?"
Maria leaned up and kissed Georg, "Oh, you're cold! I hope you don't get sick, Georg."
Georg sensed Maria was open so he wrapped his arms around her. "Guess you'll have to warm me up, won't you?" he chuckled.
"Of course," Maria laughed placing a warm lingering kiss on Georg's lips. "Did you enjoy yourself out there? You looked happy."
Georg inhaled Maria's sweet aroma as he snuggled her. "I am. I'm getting there at any rate. Once we're in the house, our own home, it'll be…" Georg sighed. "Close to home."
Maria sighed softly, she could never totally comprehend his anguish at having to run from Austria in the middle of the night and leave his home, his country, everything he knew. Just as he would never comprehend her experience. The joint understanding of that made them even closer. Lida kicked and babbled again, Georg gave in and picked her up to cuddle her "Okay, my little rose, okay. Papa has you, Papa has you."
Georg was magical with Lida and with all of their children. Once Georg allowed himself to open his heart he bloomed like a flower as a father, husband, and best friend. Maria knew how lucky she was.
Supper and coffee hour were joyous and boisterous as always, full of laughter, full of life, but Georg was quiet. Maria kept a watchful eye on him, because it was unlike him to go quiet now.
After Liesl and Matthias left for their own home, Georg started helping Maria with bedtime. Maria saw how much he seemed to be favoring his right shoulder. She shook her head, Georg sometimes forgot that he was a touch older and needed to be a little more cautious with his health.
They would always have a family prayers then one parent would see to the oldest four children and the other to the youngest three. Tonight, it was Georg's turn for fairy tales and lullabies. Bedtime always seemed longer when it was his night with the littles.
By 9:00 PM however, teeth were brushed, stories read, and Lida fed and freshly diapered. Both Maria and Georg fell onto the bed exhausted yet still fully dressed. "I can't deal with undressing," Georg sighed. "I'll sleep like this."
"You played hard today," Maria smiled. "Come on, Captain. You can't wear your clothes to bed, and you haven't brushed your teeth. Come on."
They both levered themselves up and began their own nightly routines.. Georg locked up the house, Maria turned down the bed. It was all very civilized and a bit romantic how one predicted the other's routine.
Georg was in bed reading when Maria came out of the bathroom with the liniment oil in her hand. "What's that for?" Georg asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Your shoulder," Maria replied "I can see how you're favoring it. If I rub it with this ointment tonight, you won't feel it too much tomorrow."
The idea of Maria messaging him even if it was with liniment was enough to ignite Georg's desire. They were so close in October at the hotel in Manhattan and while they had shared a few steamy kisses and caresses, they never let things get that far again. Maria told him around Christmas time that she felt ready, but the timing was never right, and she didn't push it.
Georg nodded his consent then removed his pajama top with a slight wince when he raised his arm.
"Lie on your stomach," Maria instructed the firm rippling muscles of Georg's chest not lost on her.
Maria rubbed her hands together to slightly warm the liniment before she touched Georg. Georg shuddered at the initial shock of the ointment on his skin, then sighed as Maria's small yet firm hands began to knead the sore muscles. Georg expected Maria would stand to massage him only she didn't. She sat on the side of the bed, her warm, supple body pressing close to his. Georg moaned softly, but he was unsure if it was the massage or Maria's entire essence causing the sounds to spill out of his lips.
"Am I hurting you?" Maria asked, her hands immediately going still.
"No," Georg replied. "It certainly is not pain that I'm feeling now, my Darling. It's wonderful. Go on."
"Your muscles are so tense," Maria fussed. "Really Georg, I know we all love the outdoors, but it's not good for any of us to be outside when the wind chills are in the single digits."
Georg didn't reply, it wouldn't do any good. Maria was going to fret and worry until everyone felt more settled. The only sound Georg made was a husky sigh of pleasure.
Maria's tender ministrations were relaxing his sore shoulder but were wreaking havoc in other areas. Georg felt his masculine need building up. He took a ragged breath, "Stop!"
Maria was confused but Georg 's town left no room for arguments. He pulled her hands back as if his silicone skin burned her. "What happened?"
Georg had to admire Maria's innocence in all this. All she was doing was her duty as a wife. He had pain, she was trying to ease the pain. For her it was simple. She didn't or perhaps couldn't understand how much he physically craved her. When they wed, he did it with his eyes wide open. He knew he might never, probably would never, consummate his love for Maria. Not at all. The knowledge didn't stall the desire.
Georg decided to tell Maria the truth about what was happening. They had a special trust that was hard won and part of that was always honesty. If the truth hurt, forgiveness would come later. This time though Georg was afraid the truth would terrify Maria.
Maria's eyes were shining with unshed tears. Georg can see fear there already, but it wasn't fear of him, it was fear for him. "Georg, please tell me. Are you ill?"
"No," Georg replied. "No, my Darling. I'm okay really. It's just…your touch is so tender and you smell incredible. Being so close like this…I'm excited, Maria. I'm aroused. "
Maria gasped Georg made that admission, but then she realized and smiled at him.
"Well, that's natural isn't it? For you want your wife that way?"
Georg shifted and sat up the sheet only covering him to his waist. "Yes my love, it is natural for a man to desire a beautiful woman especially his wife when it's properly done, of course, but we set limits Maria. It wasn't 3 years ago you nearly took flight when I touched your knee. Now you're not frightened of me anymore, you trust me and I can't betray that trust."
Maria reached her hand out to touch Georg 's face, "Even if I want you to touch me? Even if I want to touch you? I'm ready Georg, I feel it and I can do it for you what you want."
Georg sighed and covered Maria's hands with his own. He turned her palm and placed the kiss there. "Love making doesn't work that way, Darling. Remember when we first arrived in America and we heard about all those property rights petitions women's groups were circulating about women controlling their own property after they get married? "
Maria nodded, "Liesl and I were both confused about that, a wife belongs to her husband. I am yours, Georg, and I'm proud to be, but what does that have to do with making love?"
"Exactly that, Maria. There's a certain trust between a husband and wife that comes from knowing everything you have is shared. What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours. If you start doing things just because you think I want it, something happens to that trust."
Georg could be so cerebral at times, and philosophical as well. "Love making is about that same sharing," he continued. "I won't get much pleasure from it if you don't, Darling. Part of my pleasure is watching you enjoy yourself, watching you react when I touch you."
Unconsciously, Georg moved his face closer to Maria's and she had done the same. His voice dropped low, into that husky register Maria knew meant he was aroused.
"I love it when your voice sounds like that," Maria murmured. "I know it means you want me. I want you too, Georg. Please," Maria whispered.
Georg closed the distance between their lips and captured Maria's in a deep kiss. He felt her sigh against his mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Georg pulled back after a moment, looking at Maria's bare feet. She wore no socks or slippers and it was freezing inside and out. Sure enough, her feet were like ice when he slid his hands down her body to touch them.
Georg wrapped his hands around one at a time, massaging gently until Maria made a soft sound of pleasure.
Slowly, Georg moved ahead removing the clothing barriers between their bodies. Maria's underdrawers came first, then her nightgown. Her skin gleamed like ivory, her ripe breasts tumbling forward. The cool air made the nipples tighten and automatic response.
The need that gripped Georg's body since Maria's hands first touched his bear flesh tonight throbbed between his legs. He wanted to fill his hands with her breasts, his mouth with sweet taste, he wanted to feel her softness enveloping his man's heat. He wanted to watch her when she came undone.
"Lie down," he urged, helping her into bed. He pressed her back on the feather mattress, then drew the piles of covers over her naked body. Swiftly he pulled off his bottoms and underwear, tossing them haphazardly on the floor. If Maria was ready, so was he. Or so he thought.
Maria watched him wordlessly, bracing herself for what was to come. This could hurt her, just as it had in the past. not physically of course, Georg would never be rough with her, he loved her, but would her demons arise again to ruin this night?
Maria sighed as Georg came toward her, one corner of her mind registering the sheer physical splendor of his naked body; starkly masculine, he moved with athletic grace, his body rippled with strength. Maria drew a short breath as a hot shameless need filled her.
She took a few deep breaths, bracing herself, reminding herself she wanted this, she needed this and so did he.
Georg stood over her, waiting. "Maria?"
Maria wondered if she was imagining the hoarseness in his voice that hinted of his desire? Was he doing this because he wanted to, or was he doing it because he felt she wanted him to? Wasn't that what he had been talking about? That this experience had to be for them both. Maria wondered if that could ever be.
Yes, it could. The time for self protection was long past Maria knew she didn't have to protect herself or her body from Georg . She wanted his hands, his mouth, his masculine body, wanted him in a raw R
Reckless way. He made her want him.
Georg could see and Maria's expressive eyes, she was his for the taking. He slid beneath the covers, pressing against her, letting her feel him and get accustomed to him. His hands stealing upward, he threaded his fingers through her hair. "I love you Maria."
Georg 's lips found her throat and her back arched, her taught nipple scraping against his chest. He llowered his head to her breasts; his tongue circling the dusky crest. His mouth closed over her nipple, sucking it gently, Maria whimpered at the searing, wet heat of his lips.
Maria's head thrashed on the pillow as Georg continued his exploration of her body. When they had first met she could never imagine the degree of tenderness that would creep into his hands and into his eyes when they were together like this. Georg's touch was smoke and fire, making her burn with the pleasure he was giving her. Her skin was fevered, her senses singed by the searing heat even in the drafty room. Maria could scarcely bear the magic that he was working with his hands and lips all over her body.
Seconds, or perhaps eons later, Georg eased his body between her legs as he held her gaze, eye to eye. Maria wriggled unconscioulsy beneath him.
Georg knew, he could always tell what Maria wanted, what she needed, and it was love making. His love making. The points of no return. A place and an act that required not only love and desire but all the trust in the world. It was a moment of her complete surrender.
Maria was lying beneath him, naked, vulnerable, trusting. She was quietly pleading with him desperate for something only he could give her, only he should give her. Circumstances being what they were, he would not be the only man to touch her like this. There had been another, willing or not there had been another man between her silky thighs.
Georg tried to disocunt that image. His instinct was to bury himself in her and finally cross this last barrier between them, to finally release all the pens up feelings and emotions that had existed between them since she sat on that ridiculous pine cone. " Georg," Maria whispered, her voice pleading desperately. "Love me," she begged. "Love me, please."
He did. God how he did. He loved her so much. He cherished her. He worshiped her and he trusted her. She trusted; she trusted him with her heart and her body just like she had once before, to her detriment.
It had taken nearly two years to rebuild that trust between them. The trust that existed between a husband and a wife was special and sacred the foundation of marriage itself. If something he did now destroyed that, the couldn't bear it. The risk was too great
Suddenly all of the blood that had been sustaining Georg 's physical desire rushed to his head and his body literally shrank away from Maria.
"Jesus!" Georg swore, pushing himself off Maria and sitting on the side of the bed, chest heaving, head in his hands, feeling one part embarrassment, and one part defeat.
Maria focused a moment to steady her breathing then sat up holding the quilts over her naked chest. "Georg? What is it, Darling? What happened?"
Georg didn't reply, he could barely breathe how could he speak? He never felt so embarrassed in his life. How could this happen when he had his beautiful Maria ready and willing for him to put his mark on her. Georg closer his eyes. He hated how he felt right now. There were so many emotions going on inside of him. How did he explain this to her?
Maria moved closer to Georg and rubbed her hands on his back. "Please, Sweetheart. Talk to me. What's going on inside your heart?"
Georg stood up and pulled his robe over his body. He started to pace off his agitation at himself and that sick, sadistic animal that had been where he desired to be. He ran his hand through his hair, "I don't even know what to say, Maria. I really don't. That can happen to a man sometimes. I guess I'm a little more tired than I thought."
Maria wasn't buying it. "I could believe that except you were ready and then you all of a sudden weren't. Tiredness.. "
"Oh, believe me, Darling, being tired can cause a lot of things," Georg replied. "And I am that, but honestly, I'm…uh.. I'm uh… envious." Georg couldn't even meet Maria's eyes when he said that.
"Envious? Of what?" Maria asked as she watched Georg pace.
Georg shifted his gaze in a way that conveyed a reply he was too ashamed to say out loud.
"Of him?" Maria spatt the thought of Braun leaving a bad taste in her mouth. "I knew it. I knew that because I was ruined you would find me repulsive, but you seem to have a good reaction so.. "
Georg didn't think it could get any worse, and then Maria said that. "Maria," he rushed to the bed to hold her hands while he explained. "That's not it, that's not it at all. This really has very little to do with you. This is…I find myself repugnance for my own cowardice in pursuing you. For not trusting you. I'm envious of.. because, yes he had what I wanted. I wanted to be the man that claimed you that way and.. then I thought about what we have now that is so special, something that is only ours and that's your trust in me and my trust in you. If I somehow violate that. That means more to me than anything."
Georg swallowed a lump in his throat. "If anything I did hurt you, made you think of him, made you afraid.. I couldn't bear it and I.. panicked."
Maria listened as Georg explained himself and could see how the loss of her virtue to another man, however it came about, would threaten his ego. It was ridiculous, but she understood. She had to understand. Georg was nothing if not understanding with her.
.
When Georg admitted he panicked, Maria's face softened into a smile. She gently touched Georg's cheek and ran her hands over it. "Nothing you could ever do could make me feel like I did that night. Those memories come for me, not you or else I would only have them with you. I know how much you desire for us to be a couple in that way and.. as beautiful as tonight was perhaps it came from the wrong place. I pushed you because I.. you deserve it, Georg, you deserve a complete marriage. "
Georg held Maria's hand against his face then placed a chaste kiss on Maria's soft lips. "I have a complete marriage. I have your love, your respect, and your trust and you have mine. We belong to each other and nothing else is necessary to prove that. To lose those things for physical pleasure…I couldn't do that. I may not be ready yet, even if you are."
"I may not be either, not for the right reasons," Maria confessed. "Why don't we just keep exploring, learning, growing and when we're both ready we can just let it be."
"That sounds like a very good idea," Georg murmured in a husky tone. He removed his robe then crawled into bed next to Maria, both of them remaining undressed as they spooned together, each remembering their love for each other as they drifted off to sleep in one another's arms.
A/N: So, it seems that our favorite couple isn't quite ready to "couple" just yet, but there is still part 3. Drop your reviews, gave, and follows.
Next story up will be another longer multi chapter so might take a bit for me to post again except if a one shot sneaks in.
