Bart Wars The writers received letters asking for a Star Wars themed episode and try various things to satisfy the fans. Then Homer becomes a bodyguard for the mayor.
PlotThere is a Star Wars title sequence and a lemony voiced narrator is discussing that us the fans wanted a Star Wars themed episode. There are clips from other episodes featuring Star Wars references and clips from the episode this is based on. (Mayored to the Mob)
The narrator suggests that at first they redubbed episodes with Star Wars voices.
During the events of Dog of Death... The family are discussing their finances and Marge is explaining they need to make sacrifices.
"Homer you'll have to stop drinking beer for a while." said Marge.
Homer screamed.
"I know it's tough dear..." Marge sighed. "Bart, you'll have to give up your Jedi lessons."
"No way man!" said Bart. "I love the Star Wars Trilogy!"
Marge in Darth Vader's voice. "Do as you are told! I am your mother!"
Bart hugged his chair in shock. "No! That's not true! That's impossible!" he screamed.
"Search your feelings, you know it be true!" said Marge Vader.
"Nooooooooo! No!" Bart cried.
...
The scene cuts with the writer explaining that didn't work so they hired two well known Star Wars characters to do running commentary. A scene of C3PO and R2D2 fighting the Cylons was redubbed with Chewie growling and R2D2 whistling and beeping.
The narrator explained that didn't work either.
"Gee I hope someone got fired for that!" said Doug in a clip from The Last Temptation of Homer.
The narrator then said they'd decided on a clipshow of Star Wars gags from the series.
A clip from I Married Marge showing Homer leaving the cinema with Marge while they were dating.
"You are as beautiful as Leia and as wise as Yoda." Homer said to Marge.
She sighed romantically and snogged him.
Then a clip of Lisa getting a makeover at the hair dressers. One of the hairstyles chosen was Princess Leia's cinnamon buns...
Then from 'Round Springfield when ghost Bleeding Gums Murphy appeared as a cloud to speak to Lisa.
"Luke, I am your father!" said Darth Vader.
Then from Mayored to the Mob.
"Homer, use the force..." said Luke Skywalker.
"The force?" Homer asked.
"The forks! Use the forks!" Luke explained.
Then a scene from the Homer Files.
Bart as an alien with eyes on springs glasses. "I'm an alien! From your anus!"
Then the ending from Bart the General where he is in the library.
"There are no winners, only losers." Bart explained. "And war is neither cool or glamorous. Except World War One, Two and the Star Wars trilogy. Peace out folks! Losers!"
Then the narrator said they decided on this episode packed with more Star Wars references! Enjoy!
...
There is a Star Wars themed title sequence. Bart is on Dagobah writing lines for Yoda as a punishment. The lines read: "I will not use the force to give people wedgies." Bart is dressed as Luke Skywalker. A school bell rings and he runs outside and gets in his X Wing and flys away.
Meanwhile Homer as Darth Vader is observing his workers when a siren goes off and he runs off to drive home thinking his day at work is finished.
Mr Burns as Darth Sideous checks his watch.
Lisa as Leia is playing an alien saxophone like instrument. Mr Largo as one of the Catina aliens angrily dismisses her from music class.
Marge is Mon Mothma at a rebellion meeting with Maggie. She is then dismissed by Admiral Ackbar and goes home.
Bart skateboards through Mos Eisley annoying various aliens and characters such as a sand person tusken raider, Boba Fett, a jawa etc.
Marge Mon Mothma and Maggie are driving home but are being shot at by Homer Vader.
They then arrive at the Simpsons house as a Tatooine underground house, like the Lars homestead and go inside with Darth Vader Homer screaming and nearly getting ran over by Marge's spaceship. They go inside.
The couch gag is them sitting on the couch in their Star Wars costumes while the imperial death March plays.
...
Bart and Homer are watching Star Trek XII: So very tired which features very old versions of the characters clearly too old to be still acting.
"Joints hurting. I try to talk. But, no one, listens." said Captain Kirk.
"Captain! I'm picking up Romulan ships on the scanner, or I'm going dolally! Where's my cat?" said old Uhura clearly going mad with old age.
"Oooooooh myyyy!" said Mr Sulu.
"I cannae reach the controls captain!" said Scotty, because he was too fat!
Suddenly the episode was interrupted by cartoon aliens advertising a Bi monthly science fiction convention called Bi-Sci-Fi-Con. Star Wars actor Mark Hamill would be there and Alf the alien and more.
"Cooooool!" said Bart.
Then there was a fight between Star Wars robots C3PO and R2D2 vs the Cylons from Battle Star Galactica. The narrator referred to C3PO and R2D2 as the gay robots from Star Wars.
"Oh! Ah! Ow! Save me R2!" C3PO is being beaten up by a Cylon.
C3PO was being beaten up pretty badly and R2D2 wouldn't help him.
"You stupid little robot! I hate you!" Yelled C3PO as he was being beaten up by the Cylons.
Then the aliens came back on.
"Be there or be square..." said the alien.
The commercial ended and Star Trek came back on.
"Eh, beats work." said Homer.
"Eh beats school." said Bart.
"Why were we watching Star Trek again..." Homer realised cringing.
"Because Hugo loves Star Trek. And other nerdy things..." Bart groaned.
"Without my trauma inflicted psychosis I'm just a nerd and proud of it!" Hugo boasted while reading a book.
"Shut up, freak!" Homer snapped.
...
Very early the morning of the convention Homer snuck out with Bart, Hugo and Oscar because this was a work/school day.
Hugo was still barefoot and wearing tattered clothes, with his hair completely dirty and unbrushed.
"If your mother finds out, it was Bart's idea." Homer smirked.
They go to the convention. There were people in costumes and stalls. Some were shops, some were budding artists asking for commissions and some had stars at them signing autographs.
"Oh my god! Oh my god!" Oscar yelled. "Look! It's Doctor who! Tom Baker!" He ran off the queues in front of the table Tom Baker was at.
"Who is Tom Baker?" Hugo inquired.
"Hi Homer!" said Homer's nerd friends from college.
Bart and Hugo went to see the original Dr Smith from Lost in Space.
"Hey I watched that Lost in Space movie and you're not Dr Smith..." said Bart rudely.
"Oh the pain! The pain of it all!" said Dr Smith.
"Hahaha! You still have it Dr Smith!" said the robot from Lost in Space.
"Silence you nickel plated nitwit!" Dr Smith yelled at the robot. Then he spoke to Bart. "Boy I assure you I am the real deal and will be willing to show you my resume if you'll meet me later in the food court!"
"Danger danger! Bart Simpson!" yelled the robot warning him possibly of Dr Smith's motives...
Bart and Hugo ran away.
Meanwhile Comic Book Guy was dealing with a lady handing back water damaged Lulu comics and loudly complaining that someone mixed up the Spider-Man and Amazing Spider Man comics together.
"How much for these water damaged Lulu's?" the lady asked.
"First up that is not water that's diet Mr Pibb and- Oooooh!" Comic book guy fell in love with her because she was wearing braces. Yeeeuck!
"Uh... I wear braces..." said Irreep with braces or a retainer on her teeth.
"How do you feel about middle aged men who still live in their mother's basement reading comics?" said Comic Book Guy trying to woo her.
"Comb the sweet tarts out of your beard and you're on honey!" The lady was attracted to him. Yuck!
"Don't try to change me babe." said Comic Book guy.
...
Then was the main attraction. Mark Hamill! He got out of a fake spaceship and knocked over some cardboard cutouts of storm troopers with his lightsabre.
Mark Hamill made a speech and asked for someone to come up on stage and volunteer for a mock lightsabre battle or something.
"Pick me! Pick me! I've waited my whole life for this!" whined Lenny.
"No I am the most nerdy with force and the Obi Wan save me! And the thwing thwing..." said Professor Frink.
"I'll show you how to Thwing!" said Willie punching him. This started a massive fight.
"Oh heavens! This calls for my alter ego Batman!" said Mayor West. However the violent crowd knocked him over. "Oh heavens! I'm a tomato!" He said having a nosebleed.
"Oh geez! The mayor is down! Where are the mayoral body guards?!" said Quimby.
Outside the mayor's bodyguards were outside relaxing.
"That cloud looks just like Bleeding Gums Murphy." said a bodyguard.
Up in the sky...
"Sure, looks like..." said the cloud form Bleeding Gums Murphy looking shifty.
Inside people or nerds are fighting.
"Nerds are still people, narrator." said Hugo dryly.
"Oh no! We're doomed! Dooooooomed!" said Dr Smith lamenting.
Oscar laughed. "Dr Smith..."
"Oz! The only Dr Smith is Gary Oldman!" Bart ranted. Bart that movie sucked.
At home.
Marge wasn't happy Homer took the boys out on a school morning to a sci fi convention.
"They don't even like Sci-fi conventions..." said Lisa getting ready for school. "Well Oscar does and I don't know about Hugo."
Marge grumbled annoyed at Homer.
...
"Dad do something!" Bart begged Homer. Homer had just the idea.
He punched his way through the crowd to get to Mark Hamill and the mayor.
"Luke! Can you walk?" Homer asked.
"I'm Mark Hamill! Luke's just my character! And no! I think I've sprained my ankle!" said Mark.
"Never mind! I'll get us out of here!" said Homer. He picked up Mark Hamill. "Come on Mr Mayor! Mayor West followed him onto the fake spaceship.
some moments later Homer left the spaceship. "How was I supposed to know it was fake..." He groaned. He punched and kicked his way through the fighting nerds to the fire door.
"Oz come on!" Hugo called him.
"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Oscar cheered as encouraged everyone to fight.
Homer got out with Mark Hamill and the Mayor.
"Thank you Homer! How can I ever repay you?" said Mayor West.
"Well, I've always wanted to be gigantic and made of gold..." said Homer.
Marge then pulled up with Maggie in tow.
"Homer Jay Simpson! Why are you cutting work and letting our sons cut school?!" yelled Marge angrily. "The principal called wondering why Bart and Hugo weren't on the bus this morning?!"
"What about Oscar?" Homer asked.
"Eh. He's not our problem." said Marge.
"Matt didn't give me any lines..." said Lisa.
Oscar laughed.
Elsewhere inside the nerds stopped fighting as the police stormed in and arrested everyone.
"Ugh... usually it's the Furries that start brawls..." said Squeaky Voiced Teen.
And Comic Book Guy started dating that lady with braces. The relationship isn't gonna last...
...
Meanwhile, Mayor West had some strong words of his own to say to his bodyguards. He was joined by his predecessor Quimby.
"You two! Where were you when my life was in danger?!" Adam demanded.
"You asked us to wait outside and relax." said the bodyguards.
"As your former boss I am mad at you too! You morons!" said Quimby.
"Joe please, I'll handle this." said Mayor West. "You two are fired!"
"Fired? Who will you get to take a bullet for you?" asked a bodyguard.
"Or get their genitals hooked up to a car battery by a Russian mafia boss?" said the other bodyguard.
Oscar moaned pervertedly. "Mmmmmmm! Electro shocks to my gen-"
"Oz no!" Hugo groaned in disgust.
"I'm Batman! I don't need bodyguards! And uh I'll hire this guy!" he pointed to Homer.
"Woohoo!" yelled Homer.
"Homer I don't think you-" Marge explained.
"I said Woohoo..." said Homer.
Marge sighed.
They enjoyed what was left of the Sci Fi convention while the cops tase red the rioting nerds.
"Gaaaaaah!" Doug from college whined.
"That's some great zapping Lou." said Wiggum to Officer Lou.
The Simpsons meet Üter at the convention getting an autograph from Harrison Ford.
"Üter?!" The Simpsons ask.
"Oh Ja! Ich liebe Sci-fi just as much as Ich liebe deep fry!" said Üter.
Bart grimaced.
"Mmmmmm... Wraps of Khan..." said Üter. Right that's it!
Oscar inhaled deeply. "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" He screamed.
Üter winced.
...
At home.
Marge was on the phone with Smithers.
"Homer that was the plant. They say if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday."
"Woohoo! Four day weekend!" said Homer.
"No Dad! That means you'll be fired. You won't be coming in ever again..." Lisa pointed out.
"Oh well, I've always wanted to be a bodyguard. Ever since I saw that film with Whitney Houston and Kevin Kostner..." said Homer.
Marge sighed.
"She was extremely racist to Kevin Kostner in that film..." Oscar seethed.
"Oh and the Principal is very angry that our kids didn't turn up today." Marge frowned.
"But Marge! It was bi monthly! Bi monthly!" Homer whined about the sci-fi convention.
"And Mark Hamill was there..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed.
Later when Ralph got home. Bart, Lisa and Oscar took him to the Kwik e Mart.
Ralph wanted Skittles.
"I like to eat rainbows!" said Ralph. Again! Must unleash madness!
"Taste the rainbow MotherFu-" Oscar yelled but Bart hand gagged him.
"No Oz! No cursing in front of Ralph!" Lisa told Oscar off.
Bart released Oscar and paid for his candy.
"My diaper is full now." said Ralph.
Bart groaned.
"So's mine..." said Oscar. Yeah he has a diaper on.
Bart sighed.
There were unpleasant squishy sounds coming from Ralph and Oscar because of their dirty diapers.
Bart and Lisa escorted Ralph back home. He was inserting Skittles into his nostrils...
Plot 2Homer quit his job the next day despite being banned from doing so after he quit to work at Barney's bowlerama. And turned up at the bodyguard classes.
The teacher was a strict southerner.
"You answer to me and no one else! Not to yer country, not to God, not to Moo-hammed!"
"Moo-hammed! Hehehe!" Oscar chuckled.
"Mr southerner please! They're still extremely mad at us!" A bodyguard school assistant whined.
"Not even during Ramadan?" Homer asked.
"Shut your s'asshole boy!" said the southern teacher.
They then did exercises. One of them was to take a bullet for a watermelon. Homer's was named Ann Landers. XD
"That watermelon is a boring old biddy!" Oscar yelled.
Everyone gasped horrified.
"Oz stop being rude about Ann Landers..." said Homer.
"Shan't." said Oscar.
"This watermelon is the mayor and or celebrity you are guarding and-" Homer was eating it. "Homer?! Are you eating your client!?" the Southern teacher asked.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
"Drop down and give me twenty!" demanded the teacher.
Homer groaned and did exercises.
"Now I'm sick of the lotta ya! You're all pathetic!" said the drill sergeant southern accented guy.
"Are cows sacred to Moo-hammed?" Oscar asked.
"Shut your sass-hole boy!" The drill sergeant yelled.
Oscar frowned.
...
They tried it again with a fresh watermelon. This time Homer didn't eat it.
They took turns trying to protect it. It was Homer's turn.
"Noooooooooooo!" shouted Homer half-heartedly while diving in front of it.
"That was terrible! Your nooooo! wasn't loud enough! That nooooo! is what gets you your job!" the teacher scolded him. "Now drop and give me thirty!"
"Noooooooooo!" Homer screamed.
"Even better!" said the southern teacher proudly.
Then they had to taste food for their client to see if it was poisoned.
A guy choked when he tried food.
"Sonny that food wasn't tainted! Get up!" The drill sergeant yelled. "Sakes alive boy!"
"I'm allergic to peanut..." the guy groaned as he suffocated.
Then they did an obstacle course.
"Oh crap! More exercise! My thighs are chafing! Chafing!" Homer cried.
"Get going maggots!" The drill sergeant or bodyguard teacher yelled.
Homer and Oscar are running together and climbing walls etc. Homer went the wrong way.
"Come on, you big drip! Where ya goin'?" Oscar yelled.
Homer growled and headed back on course.
At the end of the course the drill sergeant gave everyone a dressing down.
"Ladies and gentlemen you are the most sorrowful clique I've ever met! You're not fit to guard a Russian rock band!" ranted the teacher. "But you passed all the classes so you all graduate!"
Everyone cheers.
Also there's no such thing as Russian rock bands. Communism banned them...
"Yeltsin disbanded communism..." Oscar sighed.
...
At home Homer, was now a fully fledged bodyguard. He was in his suit wearing sunglasses and a personal comms device to discreetly call for back up.
He suddenly tackled Marge.
"Cat!" He yelled while tackling her. Snowball II hissed and ran away scared.
"Homer! Please! I know you're really excited about your new job! But please!" Marge told him off.
"The chicken is in the oven." He says in his comms device.
"Homer..." Marge sighs.
"Mmmmmmm! Chicken..." Oscar moaned and drooled.
"Cool! Can you do that shoulder pinch thing! Can you?" Bart asked.
Lisa started boring everyone with a lecture. Homer did the shoulder pinch on them knocking them both out.
"Homer! I don't want you doing that to our children!" Marge nagged. Homer did the shoulder pinch to her too, knocking her out.
"Hmmmm, its an hour till dinner. Oh well." He tried to give himself the shoulder nerve pinch and fell over and hit his head on the table. "D'oh!" He yelled in pain.
Oscar who missed all this fun arrived with Hugo to find everyone was lying about in the kitchen unconscious. "Oh my god! They're dead!" He overreacted.
Hugo checked his parents and siblings over. "No they're just unconscious."
"Unconscious? Do you know what this means?!" Oscar gasped.
"Enlighten me Oz." said Hugo.
"We can make a mess and run around the house naked! And no one can stop us!" said Oscar.
"Uh I'm not sure about any of those ideas... but I can make what I like to eat without Dad yelling at me that I'm not allowed food because he never wanted me." said Hugo.
"So all you want is a snack..." Oscar sighed.
"Yep." said Hugo getting a snack from the fridge.
"Access Denied." The Fridge had the automated announcer for the doors in Half Life that goes "Access Denied" play when ever someone opened the fridge.
Hugo winced exasperated.
...
Homer then woke up and took Mayor West to were he wanted to go.
They went to Moe's.
"Hey, Homer, I told you not to come round here no more... till you paid your tab, or at least cleaned up that mess you made in the bathroom..." said Moe. Apparently Homer did something bad or wasn't allowed in until he paid his tab. "And your joke with the salt shaker wasn't funny now get outta here."
"First of all, here's fifty dollars for my tab. Secondly the mess in the bathroom wasn't my fault! It was Oscar. He tried to flush one of his diapers. And thirdly screw you pal! That salt shaker prank was hilarious!" Homer ranted.
"Ahem!" said Mayor West.
"Oh you're the mayor's bodyguard? Oh well come in! Come in! Forget all that... heh heh..." said Moe relenting.
Moe offered West a bribe to waive any potential health inspections.
"Your generosity is greatly appreciated... especially during this health inspection season." said Adam West as Moe offered them drinks.
"Oh, yeah, yeah. Right. Health inspection. That reminds me. Ha! Your change, sir." Moe gave him a bribe.
But the money crawled away on tiny legs as there were roaches under it.
Moe took the money and smashed the poor roaches and gave West his money.
"Batman does not take bribes!" said Adam West.
Moe rolled his eyes. I liked the old mayor...
"And Batman doesn't consume mind altering substances. I would like an orange juice. To keep my head straight while watch for criminals..." said Mayor West.
Moe was quite annoyed the new mayor wasn't a drinker. Mayor West had ordered orange juice.
Homer however drank for the two of them.
Meanwhile Grandma Jacqueline visited.
"Mom!" said Marge hugging her.
Jacqueline hugged her daughter. "I see Homer's out..." She felt Marge could have done better and some things Homer did, annoyed her but she was far more supportive than Patty and Selma.
"Yeah he's the mayor's bodyguard now." said Marge.
Jacqueline hugged her grandchildren. Then because she felt it was a little chilly she had one of her over bearing grandma moments. Like Jewish grandmas but I think it's a thing with all grandmas. Lisa wanted to go out without a sweater because she felt it was too warm. Grandma Jacqueline felt it was too nippy to go without a sweater or jacket.
"But Grandma! Global warming-" Lisa protested softly.
"I don't care about climate change! Put on a sweater before you catch a cold." Grandma Jacqueline said sternly.
Lisa complied and put a sweater on.
...
At home Homer regaled all the things that happened on his job.
"We went to Krusty Burger and they gave the mayor a double double! I had the double double double!" Homer had a burger with six patties basically.
"And then we went to the Kwik e mart and Apu gave him lots of change!" said Homer.
Lisa had another rant. "Dad! Don't you see?! That was bribe money! The people here are really corrupt and-" Homer used the shoulder pinch on her and knocked her out.
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
"I'm getting a snack." said Bart.
"Access Denied..." the Half Life computerised door AI boomed.
Bart winced exasperated.
Elsewhere The Robinson family, Dr Smith and the flailing arm robot were on some sort of planet. Possibly the one with man-eating socks.
"Danger! Danger! Dr Smith refuses to do his astro-chores." said the robot.
"Silence! You babbling birdbrain!" Dr Smith yelled.
Iago winced exasperated. Because I think Genie kept calling him birdbrain or featherbrain.
Also Mr Robinson in Family Guy kept pairing up the crew inappropriately ie their daughter with her amorous/horny boyfriend with access to the planet buggy. And leaving William, the little boy with Dr Smith who presumably is um weird...
At home Marge was doing housework ie vacuuming.
"Clear." Homer was making sure the living room was safer...
"Hmmmmmm... Homer do you have to do that for every room we go in!?" Marge grumbled annoyed.
"The pig is in the poke..." said Homer.
Hugo sighed frustrated. "I have a feeling Dad's new thing is gonna be very, very annoying..."
"Yes dear..." said Marge doing housework while Homer was a little to enthusiastic about being a bodyguard.
Then Oscar's pyromania led him to starting a house fire...
"Aaaaaagh! Fire! Everyone outside! Now!" Homer screamed.
Outside the house.
Lisa realised someone was missing while doing a head count.
"Oh, my God! Someone has to go back in for Maggie." Lisa gasped.
"Forget Maggie. She's gone." said Homer being stupid and possibly insensitive.
"I've got Maggie." Marge said sternly as she was carrying Maggie.
...
Homer went on another job. Mayor West took him to Fat Tony.
"Thank you Mayor for allowing our family a monopoly over school milk for the children..." said Fat Tony.
"We used to have cartons of milk in infants or as you Americans call it, Kindergarten, but then Thatcher took our milk! Damnit!" Oscar ranted about Margret Thatcher taking the school milk.
Homer grimaced exasperated.
Homer was then speaking to Legs.
"So how do you get a name like Legs..." asked Homer.
"Well, its a long story..." said Legs. Apparently it involved President Kennedy's father!
"Ooooooh! A mini cannoli!" Homer saw a cannoli.
"Mine!" Oscar yelled tackling him.
During the meeting Homer needed the bathroom. However he went in the wrong room and found rats being milked!
"Milking rats! Homer screamed.
"Oooooh! Narf! I don't know why I'm here! I'm a male! Narhahaha arf!" Pinky laughed as he was being milked...
"What is going on- great Caesar's ghost!" Mayor West gasped.
"Gentlemen, please, perhaps we can come to an arrangement..." Fat Tony tried to sweet talk the mayor.
"Fat Tony, you've messed with the wrong Mayor! For I am Batman!" said the mayor turning into Batman.
"B-b-b-Batman?!" The curly haired monster stuttered.
"We're no match for no costumed yutz! Let's get outta here!" said Legs. They ran away.
"Wait for me boys!" Fat Tony ran after them.
"Now to call the proper authorities." said Batman/Mayor West.
"You're boring! I'd have taken a bribe! Don't wanna make you mad Mr mobster!" Quimby trembled at the sight of Fat Tony.
"And that's why you're no longer Mayor... Homer said annoyed at Quimby,
The cops arrived and shut the operation down. However Wiggum explained some of the milk was already heading to clients. Namely Springfield Elementary.
"My kid's school!" Homer gasped.
"To the Batmobile!" Mayor West yelled.
"Your limo?" Homer asked.
There was a pause. "Yes..." said the mayor.
Plot 3It was lunch time at the school. Bart was drinking a carton of rat milk. Yeeeuck! Homer ran in and knocked the carton from him.
"Hey! I traded my maths book for that!" Bart yelled.
Lisa then turned up also drinking rat milk! Aaaaaghhh! And so was Hugo.
"Hi daddy! Eeee!" She tried to kiss him.
"Eeeeew!" Homer groaned. "Kids, I don't want you drinking anymore milk! Ever!"
"Why?" Bart asked.
"Yeah why? You! You! Margret Thatcher!" Oscar yelled.
Hugo winced. "Okay enough about Thatcher Oz..."
"Because it's rat's milk! Milk from rats!" Homer explained.
"Eeeeeeeeeew! Bleh!" Bart, Oscar and Lisa yelled in disgust and spat out what little of the milk was still in their mouths.
"And...? Well Freckles the rat part of my pigeon-rat can't express milk because he is a boy rat..." said Hugo.
"No one cares Fr- I mean Hugo." Homer replied unable to insult Hugo because Oscar was pointing his gun at him.
"Well, my job is done here! Come on Homer!" said Mayor West.
"Okay, but should I take my kids to the doctor?" Homer asked as he followed the mayor out.
"They'll be fine..." said Mayor West.
"What about me? Can I still drink the milk?" Milhouse asked.
"Sure, you're not my kid." said Homer.
"Alright!" Milhouse cheered and drank the rat milk.
"Eeeeew!" Homer groaned.
Elsewhere Gary Oldman Dr Smith is friggin evil in the movie!
"Give my regards to oblivion."
"Why do you think I prefer the movie..." Bart smirked evilly.
"Well unfortunately Spider Smith scares the heebie-jeebies outta me..." Oscar whined.
...
At home, Oscar was watching a film.
"Oh my god! His corpse is climbing the building!" a man screamed.
"Coooooool!" said Oscar thinking that was cool. In canon Homer said this after accidentally flinging Quimby out of his apartment window.
"I'm not dead you idiot!" said another guy.
"Shows over, the news is on." said Homer putting the news on.
Fat Tony was on the news being arrested. Kent interviewed him. He only had to say that he was declaring a vendetta upon the mayor and Homer Simpson.
"And do you have anything to say Fat Tony?" Kent asked Fat Tony as he was taken into custody.
"Yes, I would like to remind Homer Simpson that accidents will happen - like the killing of you, by us!" Fat Tony said menacingly.
"Basically we're swearing a vendetta upon this Homer fella..." said Louie.
"I think they understood it better in American, you putz!" said Fat Tony annoyed at him.
Lisa read an Italian to English dictionary and gasped. "It means revenge!"
"Homer! You could be killed!" Marge gasped.
"So could the mayor! They're planning to whack him too!" said Homer.
"Make him an offer he can't refuse..." said Oscar. "Ie like when I offer Üter food..."
"Oh Ja! I'll do anything for Bratwurst! Mmmmmmm!" said Üter.
Oscar snickered evilly.
"Uh... no..." said Homer.
Oscar pouted.
"I better stay in." said Homer.
"That's very sensible Homer." said Marge pleased.
"I'm still here. Bart stop slouching!" said Grandma Bouvier.
"Never mind... I'm going to Moe's..." Homer went out.
Marge grumbled.
...
Homer was called out by Mayor West for dinner at a fancy restaurant.
He groaned and finished his beer at Moe's and headed to Adam West's house.
"I'm not so sure Mr Mayor! Can't you stay in tonight?" Homer asked.
"Nonsense! Batman fears nothing! Besides I've brought Burt Ward with me and a cat crossbow!" said Mayor West carrying a crossbow that fired cats at people. "My ex girlfriend recommended it. Here she is now."
The crazy cat lady ranted at them in gibberish. And hurled cats at them.
They went to the restaurant. There was a show on starring Mark Hamill called Guys and Dolls. Below it was a sign reminding people the entree was steak and mashed potatoes and Mark Hamill was the guest performance...
"But I wanna eat Luke Skywalker..." Oscar groaned.
Homer went in with the Mayor. He asked the waiter.
"Hello." said Homer.
"Yeeeeeees?" asked the waiter.
"Do you have a table for the mayor?" Homer asked.
"Why yeeeeeeeeees!" said the waiter.
"Why do you talk like that?!" Homer asked.
"I've had a stroooooke!" said the waiter. He guide them to their table.
Oscar winced at the waiter with the weird voice.
However Homer noticed Fat Tony was there! Fat Tony grinned at Homer.
Mayor West was about to have a bite of his dinner.
"Noooooo!" Homer took the food and ate it. It was safe. "Potatoes safe, must be in the steak." He tried some of the mayor's steak. Mayor West was annoyed at him.
Homer then had words with Tony asking him to back off. He then went to check on the mayor.
"Fat Tony asked me to give you this." He kissed Mayor West well more like snogged him!
"You fool! That was the kiss of death!" said Mayor West.
"Wait! Maybe I didn't do it right!" Homer tried to kiss him again.
"Homer! Just be on the look out for any criminals. Especially the Joker..." said Mayor West.
...
Meanwhile Hugo was watching a documentary on Neil Armstrong.
"This is one small stop towards firing your ass!" said Armstrong.
"I'll give him ass fire!" Oscar farted flames from his butt.
Hugo grimaced disgusted.
Hugo then flicked over to The Bodyguard starring Kevin Kostner and Whitney Houston.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaannnndddd Iiiiiiieeeeeeeiiiiii Will always Loooooove Yooooooooouuuuu!"
"Aaaaaagh! My ears!" Hugo screamed in pain.
"Houston we have a problem. Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed.
Later he annoyed Database and Martin.
"The Cybermen could kick the Cylon's butts!"
Database blustered and went into a bout of his Myaaaaaaa! Tics then gasped for air and took his inhaler.
"For heavens sake Oscar! Stop provoking him!" said Martin.
"What? The Cybermen would destroy the Cylons..." said Oscar.
"No one cares... you geeks..." Bart groaned.
...
Mark Hamill was getting ready in his changing room.
"Luke my son..." said Darth Vader.
"Dad I'm on stage in five minutes..." said Mark Hamill.
"Yes I know. I'm here to encourage you! Good luck my son." said Darth Vader.
People were singing Guys and Dolls which I assume is the main song of the musical.
Mayor West was enjoying the musical.
Former Mayor Quimby was grooving to the music in a silly childish manner.
Fat Tony was getting angry. He was giving instructions to the curly haired high voiced mobster.
"I want him dead. I want his wife dead! I want his children dead! I want his cat and his dog dead!" Fat Tony specified.
"What was that after the children?" the curly haired mobster asked.
"Just kill the mayor..." Fat Tony got frustrated.
The curly haired guy left to do his job. "You're not mad at me are you?" He asked.
Fat Tony glared at him.
Mark Hamill was performing.
Curly haired guy Aka Louie snuck on stage but was mistaken for a dancer by the director. He was shoved on stage to perform. Which he did so spectacularly.
However Mark Hamill was annoyed at him for stealing the show.
"Hey that was my bit you!" Mark ranted.
"Take a hike Luke! You didn't even finish Jedi school!" curly haired guy kicked Mark Hamill over and tried to throw a knife at the mayor but Homer tackled him.
"Give me that!" Homer yelled.
"No it's mine!" said the curly haired mobster.
They scuffled.
"For goodness sake Mark use your lightsabre!" said the director.
"What?! And risk breaking it?! You do realise George pays for these! If I broke it he'd be so mad!" said Mark Hamill.
Homer was then over powered and had a knife at his throat. He gulped.
"Homer, use the force!" said Mark.
"What?!" Homer asked.
"The forks! Use the forks!" said Mark. There were forks nearby on the floor.
"On." Homer took them and disarmed the curly guy and pinned his tie to a table which caused him to scream for some reason.
Oscar grimaced exasperated.
...
Meanwhile Fat Tony was battering the mayor with a baseball bat.
"Fat Tony..." Homer sighed in disappointment.
"What?" Fat Tony asked.
The cops arrested Fat Tony and his gang again and and ambulance came for the Mayor.
Homer was disappointed he couldn't protect the Mayor. Mark came to comfort him.
"Homer I just got words from the paramedics. The mayor's gonna be fine... just concussed." said Mark Hamill.
"Why are you relieved he's only concussed? You of all people should be happy Fat Tony nearly killed Batman! You're the friggin Joker!" Oscar ranted.
Unfortunately Mark Hamill ignored him.
"I just wanna say, you were awesome tonight and I'd be honoured if you were my bodyguard."
"Awwww thanks Mark. You were great too."
"Awww thanks. Would you say I was incandescent? Magnetic?" asked Mark.
"You were something Mark..." Homer sighed.
Mark Hamill took him out back but there was a crowd of screaming fans. "Oh dear... I think you know what to do Homer..."
Homer picked up Mark and carried him out kicking and punching the fans out of the way while And I will always love yoooouu by Whitney Houston played.
"Oh shoot! I forgot my lightsabre." said Mark Hamill.
Homer groaned and fought through the crowd to get back inside.
"Oh wait, here it is." Mark realised he had his lightsabre after all.
Homer groaned and fought through the crowd again.
The end!
Trivia This episode makes references to Star Wars, Star Trek, Doctor Who and Lost in Space. It also references the Bodyguard starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Koster and Battle Star Galactica.