"It will take us 3 days to get to the Sand Village, we should hurry."

Shikamaru looks at the map in his hand and turns his attention to his teammates. Tenten, Lee and Temari are standing in front of the Leaf Village entrance, ready to move out.

"Do not worry, Shikamaru-kun. Tenten and I will make sure that we be there in less than three days."

"Geh, I don't want to. Too troublesome to be that fast."

"Don't mind him. We will go with normal speed." Tenten sighs "Lee can carry all our bags if that's a challenge you want to accept."

Her comment somehow makes Lee even more determined to prove to everyone that he can make it to the Wind Country in less than three days while carrying their bags, making the vein on Tenten's forehead pops as she smacks him across the face.

Shikamaru and Temari shake their head, at least Tenten still has the strength to wipe some sense into this guy.

"Let's go!"

They move out, jumping from tree to tree, heading towards the Wind Country.

Tenten, despite being able to catch up with Lee easily, lets everyone lead the way. Each step she takes feels heavy, the thought of going to the Sand Village and seeing him somehow scares her. It has been two months since that incident and she tells no one about it. She's afraid of what they might think of her, of them.

What will she say to him? What is going to happen between them? Is she ready to face the consequences or not?

After the talk she had with Hinata yesterday, Tenten was not able to sleep that night. She thought about what the young heiress told her, how she should let go and move on, that Neji would be heartbroken if he sees her like this, dulled and lifeless. She asked herself the same question over and over again, if she let go of the life she used to have, then who or what is she?

What is her purpose in life?

She knows she wants to be happy, but how can she make that happen?

The voices in her head become louder as each day past by to the point she has to cover her ears and scream for them to stop. Last night, however, they seem to let her have a moment of peace. Instead of fighting with her inner demon, Tenten found herself staring at the mirror, looking at her own reflection.

How long has it been since she last looked at herself like this?

The person in front of her looked horrible. The bags underneath those brown eyes, the sickening pale skin and the almost scrawny body. Tenten almost shivered at the idea that this was her reflection. She thought that she has been taking very good care of herself, that she eats three meals a day and trains moderately. How can she be like this?

Tenten closed her eyes, chasing those voices away again. The silence of her bedroom always makes those voices become louder. When she opened her eyes again, she was greeted by a little girl, cupping her face as she cries.

She has brown hair tied into buns, her brown eyes are glossy and puffy due to the crying. She keeps asking for help, for someone to take her hand and whisk her away from this dark and empty place. She is lonely and all she ever wants is to be happy.

Be happy…

Tenten wanted to reach out and hold the little girl in her arms, telling her that everything is okay and that she is there to help her. But when she felt the cold surface of the mirror on her skin, she retrieved her hand, almost too afraid that if she kept pushing, she would end up on the other side of the mirror.

That little girl…

She is the reflection of her heart…

She is a young woman with many responsibilities, but the little girl inside her only wants one thing, she wants to be happy. Tenten has disregarded that part of her for so long, it is now coming back to haunt her. After all those years of pining over Neji, telling herself that she loves him, that fate is too cruel to separate them, Tenten also ignores that little girl inside of her and in turn, stops herself from having the happiness she deserves.

She spent the whole night, wondering what is it that makes her happy. The voices inside her head kept telling her that she does not deserve happiness, that she is the one who steal away Neji's future, that she should spend the rest of her life atone for that sin, or even better, she should die in his place instead. But Tenten knew better than to listen to them, although she wasn't able to chase away the screaming, her voice was loud enough to keep them shut.

Tenten remembered what Temari told her, that Gaara would be very happy to see her. The thought of his face lighting up upon seeing her almost makes her blush, but she could not hold back the smile on her face. Gaara wants to see her, does that mean he misses her as well?

It has been two months since she last saw him and if Tenten has to be honest, she misses him a lot. All the time she spent with him always made her smile, she was the happiest when she was with him. Although Gaara didn't say much, his actions were what warms her heart.

The way he cares for her, telling her to rely on him, letting her know that he's there for her. Tenten misses being next to him, the warmth of his body whenever he pulled her into an embrace always makes her feel so loved, so safe. It's the same feeling as when she was with Neji.

But Gaara is not Neji. He is not a replacement for Neji.

Tenten wonders if being by Gaara's side truly makes her happy, or is it because Gaara reminds her so much of her past love?

She can't do that to Gaara. He's a Kazekage, a war hero, an honorable man with a bright future ahead. To make him Neji's substitute would be an insult, not only to him but to her as well.

"We'll settle down for tonight!"

Shikamaru's voice pulls her out of her thought and she stops moving, finding herself now standing on the ground. While Lee offers to make fire, Tenten pulls out a scroll and unseals some ingredients they can use to make food for dinner. Temari offers to prepare the food while she goes to a nearby lake to gather some water.

When Tenten reaches the lake, she looks at her own reflection. This time, instead of seeing herself, she sees that little girl again. Holding the drinking utensil tightly in her hand, the brunette exhales in frustration. Why is she here, looking at her with such a sad and lonely face?

"That's a loud sigh."

Tenten flinches and turns around, only to see Shikamaru walking towards her, yawning lazily.

"Shikamaru, it would be very nice if you don't sneak up on me like that."

"It's you who keeps your guard down. I'm just here for a smoke."

Tenten glances at the lighter in the advisor's hand, isn't that Asuma-sensei's lighter?

It has been many years since he passed away and Shikamaru still keeps his lighter…

"I didn't know you are such a bad liar…" she smiles, knowing the old lighter is not going to help him light up his cigarette "Say, Shikamaru… When Asuma-sensei passed away, how did you cope with it…?"

Shikamaru stops what he is doing and looks at the girl by his side. Although it has been years since that fateful day, he still can not shake off the dreadful feeling of looking at his teacher dying in his arms.

It was raining, Asuma got a fatal blow from Hidan and was using his last amount of energy to have some final words with his students. Shikamaru still remembers what face he was making that day, the cold blood that ran through his skin, how his heartbeat slowed down and almost went to a complete stop. Just a few minutes ago, he was fighting alongside his teacher and here he was, holding his lifeless body in his arms.

Shikamaru knows that being a shinobi means his life can be taken away at any time, he has prepared himself should that moment comes. But when Asuma-sensei died in his arms, his mind went blank, something was missing from him. He looked at his teammates and how they cried at the loss of their beloved teacher. He looked at Kurenai-sensei and how she reacted when hearing the news. He thought that his eyes were watery, that he was crying for Asuma-sensei. He had to, who wouldn't cry when they lose someone so close to them?

But his eyes were dry, not a single tear coming out from them. On Asuma's funeral day, instead of attending, he walked away, hiding in his house and playing with his late teacher's lighter. His father walked up to him, asking him to play chess. Bit by bit, as each piece of chess was placed on the board came the reality that he had tried his hardest to avoid.

"Asuma is dead."

That was what his father told him. Shikamaru was angry, he was angry at what his father told him. He was weak, he was a coward who could not avenge his teacher's death. His father should have scolded him, telling him how weak and pathetic he was, but instead of the insults, the wise man just left him with one simple piece of advice.

"Let them out."

The anger and sadness that were building inside of him, his father told him to let them out. Shikamaru Nara, a man who couldn't care less about what happened around him, finally allowed his emotion to take over him. And he cried, he cried like a child. That sadness of not being able to save his teacher, the anger of not being able to avenge his death, the fear that he might be an emotionless person who couldn't even shed a single tear for Asuma. That night, he cried until his eyes were puffy and his voice was hoarse. That night, Shikamaru was no more than a little kid who cry for the loss of his Asuma-sensei.

"So that's how you dealt with it…" Tenten looks at her reflection again "I see…"

"And you? How have you been?" Shikamaru asks her, observing the young woman "Surely, you already found your answer?"

"My answer? To what exactly?"

"To Neji."

Tenten can feel her throat becomes dry and swallowing the lump inside it becomes painful. Shikamaru is not the type of person who beat around the bush and in some of the rarest moments, she actually feels grateful that he asks her that question.

"I honestly don't know…" her eyes become glossy as she sniffles, rubbing the tears away "My life has revolved around him for so long, to abandon that identity sounds scary to me…"

The advisor can see how her shoulder is shaking, how she tries her best to keep this conversation going without bursting into tears. She wants his help too…

"Well, letting him go doesn't mean you will lose your identity. It just means that you finally forgive yourself…" he stops for a moment then continues "You forgive yourself for being weak, for not strong enough to protect him. You forgive yourself and in turn, you forgive him…"

Tenten looks at Shikamaru, brown eyes widen at his words.

He also said the same thing…

The thought brings a smile to her face as she recalls how Gaara told her the same thing a couple of months ago.

"You sound just like him…" Tenten plays with the cool lake water "Gaara, I mean…"

"What are you going to do with him?"

"Why asking? I'm no more than just a low-rank kunoichi of the Leaf Village. He couldn't care less about me."

"Are you sure that's how you want things to end?"

There's a serious tone in Shikamaru's words that makes her puzzled, almost angry in a sense. Tenten doesn't think she's wrong, especially when the person they're talking about is the Lord Kazekage of the Sand Village. For someone who is in that position, Gaara would probably just treat her like most women who were lucky enough to spend a night with him. But then again, how can Tenten say that to Shikamaru, that is not something she should be bragging about.

"Look, I don't know what happened between you guys, but…" Shikamaru sighs, mumbling how troublesome this whole thing is as he continues "If you can, go talk to him. Lord Kazekage doesn't seem to share the same thought as you are right now."

With that, he walks away, leaving Tenten dumbfounded at his words. She touches her face, feeling how warm her cheeks are after listening to what Shikamaru has to say. Why is it that everyone keeps telling her this? And why is her heart beating so fast now? Is there something about Lord Kazekage that she should know?


Three days and many leg rest sessions later, her team finally arrives at the Sand Village. Just like the name depicts, the village is surrounded by a vast desert. A gust of wind passes by, creating a deep hollow sound that makes Tenten jumps.

"No matter how many times I come here, the sound of the wind still makes me nervous."

"A sandstorm occurred two days ago. We are very lucky to avoid it." Temari sighs "Let's go, Gaara is waiting."

Her words hold an underlying tone as she casts a small glance at the brunette before some Sand shinobi escort the group to the Kazekage's office. Tenten follows behind, holding a small distance between them. With each step she takes, anxiety starts to creep in. She hasn't seen him for a while and something about standing in his office, facing Gaara directly intimidates her.

Before all of this, seeing Gaara always bring a wave of calmness to her heart. Whenever he is by her side, the warmth of his body feels nice and cozy, chasing away all those voices inside her head. And when he holds her close, combing her hair gently with his fingers, there are butterflies in her stomach. A small fire lits up in her heart, bringing up the fluffy feelings she discards years ago.

But now, things are…different

That night changes everything between them. They are no longer just friends, they are more than that. She wonders how she can meet him without feeling awkward about herself, about them. Besides the odd feelings, there's also a sense of guilt in her heart. She was the one who opened her arms and invited him in that night, as much as Tenten hates to say it, she tainted him.

For the honorable Lord Kazekage to spend a night with a low-rank kunoichi of the Leaf Village, she wonders how everyone would react if this news come to the public.

She knows that it's a chance of a lifetime to have Lord Kazekage by her side that night, however, it's not something she prefers to brag about. If anything, it will only ruin his image even more. Gaara already has enough on his table, she should not be the problem that keeps pilling up for him. So it's best for her to stay silent…

"Lord Kazekage, the Leaf Village shinobis are here."

"Let them in."

Tenten flinches at the voice behind that door. Although muffled, she can still make out that deep and warm tone of his voice, the voice that has chased away all her nightmares months ago. Her body is stiff, each step feels heavy as she follows her group, entering his office. She plans to hide behind Lee's tall frame, her teammate can surely cover for her.

"Gaara-kun! It's very nice to see you!"

As always, Lee greets him with a grin and his signature thumbs up, making Gaara chuckle. His subordinates send the man a weird look, but the aura exuding from their Lord makes them flinch, knowing very well how inappropriate their action was.

"You seem well, Lee."

"Of course, my friend. It's all thanks to my diligent training schedule. Gaara-kun should try it as well."

Tenten stands behind Lee, despite the pressure she is feeling right now, her teammate's words crack a chuckle out of her as she covers her lips, hoping to stop the amused giggle. Her action captures the attention of the auburn-haired man, his ears perk up interestingly. Shikamaru sends her a look before stepping in, stopping Lee from talking nonsense any further.

"That's enough Lee. We're on a mission." he sighs, patting him on the back "Anyway, the scroll."

It takes Shikamaru three times to repeat himself so that Tenten realizes he is talking to her. Lee finally notices how his teammate is hiding behind him, as much of a dense person he can be, Lee understands his task and slowly moves aside, no longer blocking Gaara's view.

"Tenten, the scroll…" the advisor looks at her again, still patiently waiting for her to come back to her sense.

The brunette jolts at his words and realizes that she is no longer in her safe hiding spot. That's right, she has the classified scroll, she needs to give it to Lord Kazekage. With a soft pat on her shoulder, Shikamaru gives her an encouraging look as he guides her towards Gaara, who is keeping a steady gaze on her.

Holding the scroll tightly in her hands, Tenten bites her bottom lips, too nervous to even take another step closer. When her eyes finally meet his mint one, something sparks between them. Her legs feel weak, her hands are shaking as she delivers the scroll to his desk. Tenten breaks the eye contact, a faint blush appears on her cheek as she moves back to her standing spot, avoiding his gaze.

"Thank you." she wonders if those words are for her or someone else "Prepare a place for them to stay the night."

His subordinates are surprised at the order. Normally, shinobis of other villages will go to an inn to stay for a night, only the higher-ups are allowed to stay at Lord Kazekage's office. This whole building is his home, to ensure the safety of Lord Kazekage, anyone that does not associate with his family is considered a threat that needs to be eliminated.

"Well, what are you guys waiting for?" Temari speaks up, almost commanding them.

"Y-yes, of course."

Her team follows them, with Tenten walking behind, just fast enough to catch up with them. When she reaches the door, she hesitates to walk out. Those eyes are still on her, they are boring into her soul, making the brunette nervous. She is afraid that if she turns around a look at them, she might not be able to leave this room.

"I miss you."

His voice is warm and gentle, almost taking her back to those days when she was in his arms, enjoying the calmness and safety they brought to her. But now, she can't look at him. Tenten is not ready, so she chooses to run away…