Okay so 16 years later I thought I would add a little addendum to this tag to Millers Crossing.
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McKay looked in the rear view mirror again where Sheppard was lying across the back seat, half asleep and filling the inside of the car with the smell of eighty percent proof alcohol.
Sheppard groaned and shifted slightly.
It wasn't as if he'd never seen Sheppard drink before; there were times when they were off duty, or by accident, that he'd witnessed him pleasantly buzzed, but he'd never known him drink to escape.
"Ah hell," McKay snapped, flicking the indicator and doing an illegal U-turn. His eyes on the road, he could feel Ronon staring at him.
"We can hardly take him back to the SGC in this condition."
"He's fine," Ronon said. He reached a hand back and patted Sheppard's shoulder. "Aren't you buddy?"
"We'd have to get him through security and then there would be questions. The commanding officer of Atlantis returning half cut is not a good look." To Ronon's shrug, he elaborated. "People will talk."
"What are they going to say, Rodney?" The smell of whiskey announced that Sheppard had sat up and was leaning between the front seats
"Would you sit back and put your belt on," McKay snapped.
Sheppard laughed. "You know; this is why I didn't call you."
"You did call us, hence me driving around in the middle of the night when I should be asleep."
"I didn't call you. I called Ronon."
What did he mean by that? He called Ronon. Irritated, he said. "And what did you think Ronon was going to do? Run to your position and carry you back?"
Ronon nodded. "I could've done that."
"He can't drive. He had to ask me."
"I don't know," Sheppard said. "I thought he'd be cool."
Ronon scowled. "I am cool."
"I'm going to a motel. We're not scheduled to leave for another day anyway so you can sleep off this and your imminent hangover."
Sheppard lay down again. "Whatever Meredith."
--SGA--
Ronon keyed the motel room door and was about to turn the handle, when Sheppard pushed ahead of him, stumbling for the bathroom.
McKay sat down on one of two double beds, eyeing the crack in the bathroom door with annoyance.
"What does he mean he didn't call me?" he said.
"Guess he knew you'd be uptight."
"Uptight?" McKay forced a laugh. "I'm not uptight. I could care less.'
Ronon peered into the bathroom where Sheppard was busy retching, and pulled it closed with an ominous click. They stood in silence for a moment.
"Maybe you should care."
"I care that he's taken me away from Jeanie." He crossed his arms, the move forcing the rigid photos in his pocket to peek out. He ignored them. Uncrossed his arms so they could fall back into place; out of sight.
"You have no idea what he almost did for you, do you?"
"I have an idea that he did something."
Ronon dared him to say more, but he wasn't in the mood. After the day he's had, he was tired and eager to get back to his sister.
"We should get some sleep. It's late and I have a lot to do tomorrow."
He could tell that Ronon was annoyed with him. They'd been team members long enough for him to read his various tones of quiet.
Ronon, it appeared didn't want to sleep. "You got any money? I want to get some water."
"There's water in the taps."
"I want some snacks," he said.
McKay dug through his pockets and found some loose change. "Don't spend it all."
"I'll try.' Ronon headed for the door, but stopped short. "Check on him. Make sure he's okay."
"Okay." And then to Ronon's glare. "I will."
The door closed and McKay sat for a while. If Sheppard was being sick he wouldn't want him in there with him. He decided to check in with SGC, feigning car trouble as the reason for their groups sojourn.
When he'd finished his call, he knocked on the bathroom door. There was no answer. He debated just getting into bed, but he could hardly sleep wondering if Sheppard had choked on his own vomit or knocked himself out on the toilet. With a put upon sigh, he turned the handle and pushed.
The door met with resistance in the form of Sheppard's foot and McKay had to squeeze through and climb over him to get into the tiny room.
"Sorry," Sheppard said from where he was sitting next to the toilet; his elbow resting on the rim, his hand shielding his eyes.
McKay looked for somewhere to perch and settled on the edge of the bath tub.
"Feeling better?"
"Not really."
He took the photos out of his pocket and tossed them into Sheppard's lap.
Sheppard lifted his hand and regarded the polaroids with a look of indifference.
"I never asked you to do that."
"I know," Sheppard said.
"I was happy to do it. I wanted to and-"
"I wasn't. I couldn't."
"I'm surprised you didn't offer."
Sheppard met his gaze and McKay was suddenly filled with anger.
"You made me think it had been an accident. You made everyone think that it was an accident."
"And that's the official line," Sheppard said.
McKay hated how calmly he admitted it. Deep down McKay had known that it was too good to be true. Of course, it hadn't been a serendipitous accident. He knew he'd deliberately ignored the conspiring glances and Sheppard's haunted look since. He'd not given the fact that his pass was not working that morning, a second thought.
"So, how did you do it?"
Sheppard scowled. "Do it?"
"Did you just push him in there and walk away?" he said, "Or did you knock him out first?"
"He volunteered."
"But not without a little persuasion, right?"
Sheppard suddenly slammed the toilet lid down and stood. He leaned back against the wall as he fought for balance. "What did you want me to do?"
McKay stalked out of the too-small bathroom, aware that Sheppard was following close behind. "I wanted you to tell me."
"Oh come on. You'd never have agreed."
"No," McKay said. "I wouldn't."
"There wasn't time to talk about it. I made a decision and-"
"It was my decision!" McKay shouted. "It's probably the bravest and most selfless thing I've ever done and you took it away from me."
Sheppard glared. "That's what this is about? Pride?"
"I wanted to do it and you said no."
Sheppard lifted his chin in defiance. He'd seen that look before; usually he had a gun in his hands. "I did."
"And it ended up killing somebody else. How am I supposed to feel about that?"
"You think I feel good about it?"
"I don't know. You do this kind of thing right?"
Sheppard made a half laugh, half anguished sound. "Yeah, I do this kind of thing."
Sheppard walked past him, heading for the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I need some air." But then he stopped. He didn't turn when said. "He was a bad person. I gave him the chance to make things right. He told me no too."
He bumped shoulders with Ronon as he left and Ronon dropped a bag onto the nearest chair before turning to see where Sheppard was going.
"What was that about?"
"He's getting some air."
"You talked."
McKay reeled on him. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
Ronon bit into the chocolate bar he'd unwrapped and shrugged. "No."
McKay felt like he was unravelling. So much had happened in the last few days and of all the people he thought he could count on, Sheppard was number one.
"I was going to let the wraith feed on me. He told me no."
"I know." Ronon said, frustratingly calm. "I'd have told you no too."
"And he guilted, no forced, Wallace to feed himself to a wraith."
"I'd have done that too. Only, I would have just walked him there myself."
"What?"
"If you can't figure it out then I don't want to tell you."
"I was willing to give my life for Jeanne.". Ronon just stared at him.. "What?"
"Sheppard was going to do it. Found him outside the lab. Had to drag him away. He didn't know Wallace had already gone in."
For once, McKay was speechless.
—————————-SGA————————-
Sheppard was outside, sitting on the hood of McKay's rental. Resisting the urge to tell him to get off it, he sat next to him.
They sat in companionable silence; the only sound, the humming of the neon motel sign.
"How's Jeannie doing?" Sheppard asked.
McKay looked at his friend and the vestiges of anger drained away.. He felt foolish for not believing that Sheppard had his best interest at heart and guilty for not realising that he was struggling with what he'd done. That he was willing to give his own life in place of him and for Jeanie… he wasn't sure he could put into words how profoundly touching that was.
"She's getting there."
"She's tough. Stubborn."
"Scared the life out of me. I thought I'd lost her."
Sheppard bumped shoulders with him. "Family, huh?"
"Yeah. Family." He cleared his throat. "And I'm sorry, you know about…"
"I know."
"I shouldn't have said-"
"We're good. If you're good."
"I think so."
Sheppard smiled and abruptly blew out a stream of air. Expecting something else, McKay was surprised by his admission. "I'm so drunk."
McKay grabbed his arm and pulled him off the hood of the car, righting Sheppard when he sidled away from him.
"Ronon got snacks. Let's go sober you up."
He went to move and Sheppard resisted. "Thanks Rodney."
McKay squeezed his arm. "Team, remember? Now come on."
