(Present Day)
I resisted the urge to laugh in Dr. Crane's face. Help me? Oh, this shrink wasn't going to anything to improve the situation... I had already accepted my fate, it really didn't matter to me. Humor was the only slight emotion that seeped from my heart, all I felt was numbness... I won't be feeling passion for a long time, maybe never again, and I was also not going to just... Explode in front of someone who would most likely be excited to see that. Maybe Dr. Crane would be different.
He sat down in front of me, and I silently took in all of the details... He was at least a man who carried himself well, despite the 'crazy night' he had, it had not manifested physically. He had gelled hair, a fancy watch, and none of it even looked out of place. I kept taking in small observations, not excited at the prospect of opening my mouth.
"I see you are an observant woman, Ms. Taylor. And do not worry, you've nothing to be suspicious of. I'm just here to get an accurate reading of your psychological state."
Jesus... He was cold. Maybe it was because we were in the wee hours of the morning, but the tonal clash of his every-so-slightly kind words, with this... Ice-cold figurative mask he put on was interesting.
Almost intriguing.
"I understand if you don't want to talk. It's late, and you've been through the wringer. I'll just ask you a few simple questions, they can even be re-worded to be simple 'yes' or 'no' questions, if you so desire."
Again with the faux-kindness! It was as if he had practiced this speech in a mirror trillions of times.
I almost wanted to call him out, but that instinct, that voice in my head, told me to keep quiet.
"Before I start, I do realize we haven't been able to locate your medical file and history... Nor any psychological report, so I did want to start with this question:
Have you ever struggled with suicidal thoughts, self-harm or eating disorders? Or a combination of the three?"
Two thoughts immediately popped into my head.
The first one:
I did a good thing, burning those reports... Though, I feel those weren't the only copies.
The louder thought, however was an answer to Crane's question.
All three in a row...
After a long pause, he tried to shift into a smile, as if to comfort me, coax the answer out of me.
He still wasn't being genuine, he still had his mask on, and... Technically, he never asked if I dealt with all of them... At the same time and on separate occasions.
A petty diversion, but I would have to choose my words carefully. This man was trying to convince himself and all of these people around us, in this station, that I was a nut.
I was many things, but not a nut... And I wasn't going to end up in some dilapidated nuthouse.
"I take it from your silence that you don't want to answer the question? I wonder why... Is it to seem rebellious with your continued silence? Is it confusion, now you're questioning if you have? Or... Is it just that you don't want to talk about it?"
My face was still in the same position as the moment he got in the room, unfazed by a single word he said.
"I just hope you understand, Ms. Taylor,.if you don't cooperate with me, the consequences for your actions could be quite... Unpleasant."
I still wanted to not have to tell him anything, not wanting to play into his hands.
The air was so thick with denial. The scenery didn't change at all, though I almost wish it did. Maybe it was all just coming from me... I didn't know what to say with this man, it was as if he was poking and prodding me with a metaphorical stick, waiting to see my reaction.
Finally, I spoke.
"I won't be what you want, Mr. Crane."
He raised his eyebrow at that, but a smug grin went to his face.
"I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that - You delivered it in such a monotone, quiet fashion... I would love to know what's in your mind."
"What do you want to know?" I asked, still monotone.
"I've already asked a question."
"You weren't specific."
"Excuse me?"
"How many people have suffered with all three of the things you listed at the same time?"
Me!
But... Divert, deny, and distract... What I always do.
"There's a lot of overlap in such mindsets - Why do you ask?"
My eyes glazed over, I cocked an eyebrow.
"Curiousity."
He cleared his throat. Damn, this man wasn't threatening at all... He was like a little bug about to get crushed in this big dark city.
Or was he? Was I saying those things because the complete opposite could apply?
He was colder than any therapist I've ever interacted with, his eyes so intimidating, almost like I could get lost in them.
While I was lost in my thoughts, he asked me a question... I didn't hear whatever he.said, plus it was almost fun to play with him.
Just let me have this catty game before I'm locked away forever.
I think I saw a twinge of frustration in him, but he buried it quite quickly.
"Ms. Taylor, I can tell you are either intimidated to answer these questions, or don't want to... I can tell you're quite troubled."
Hah, you'll never know the depths of trouble in my head, weaving across my mind.
"However, I wanted you to know what I stand for. It wasn't cordial for me to not give you my position - I'm the director of Arkham Asylum, a top-teir facility for mental support and I, especially seek to make sure everything and everyone... Gets healed. I love, crave to help."
Something inside of me, maybe a voice in the back of my mind, screamed that he was going to be the type who was a good liar... Something about him screamed danger, and just because he was giving me some rehearsed speech made me wary - Then again, anyone can put in the costume of a good person, until it serves them and is soon discarded, showing them for who they truly are.
My mind only continued to spiral, constantly overthinking, wondering too much - Something I bet Crane would be all into...
I hope that if I didn't answer his questions, didn't give him anything to theorize about, was too boring and quiet to be intriguing... I would never have to see him again.
"The Asylum will treat you very well - You will get lots of special treatment, and I'm sure you will benefit. I just need more information for my assessment of you."
"Do you think I'm insane?"
"If you would answer my questions, rather than diverting, I could give you an educated answer."
"I don't know what more I can do - You said all you have to do is get my records."
"Which we don't have any... They've conveniently disappeared." He put extra emphasis on the 't', as if his smugness would force me to reveal my secrets.
"I was just hoping you could reveal some answers willingly, and it would also help me with my informed assessment of you."
"And if I don't give you the answers?"
"More information that will be accounted for in my assessment of your mental state, Ms. Taylor."
Oh... Oh he thought I would just give the answers that easily?
Not even my best friends were allowed into my mental state... Unless it was a night of too many drinks, finding old pieces of the past, and well... Tears and my own foolishness.
Ah, friends - Where have they all gone?
To a place I desperately wish to follow...
However, unlike those nights - I was quite sober at the moment, and Crane was far from a friend of mine.
Finally, Crane looked at the clock. The ticking in it felt like an inevitable countdown.
"It is quite late, Ms. Taylor, I hope to see you once more, perhaps I can receive a more accurate reading of your mind."
If he thought the waned vulnerability the night brings would be enough to pry answers out of me - He was dead wrong.
As he would always be about me.
He turned to leave, but before he opened the door to leave, he remarked:
"Oh, and Ms. Taylor? Those red marks on your wrists will probably need some medical attention.
Shit.
That wasn't going to help my case, would it?
"And what does that say about me?" I said, in which the only emotion I displayed that night came out - Humor. I almost found this all funny... Sarcasm was an easy defense mechanism, everyone knows that, I'm sure he even did.
But I'm also so damn sure he took everything so literally, I could only slightly hope it would go over his head.
Admittedly, he also seemed to have a sense of humor, even if it was his own smug remarks.
I heard a low, dark chuckle escape from him.
"That you and I, Ms. Taylor, will have lots of fun together."
