5 months is it? Sasuhina month went by in a jiffy and here's my belated update for next chapter. I have long accepted this was going to be slow burn but I do tend to unite them before I break rocks on the plotline. I have not abandoned this one or your favorite, Úchiha's guide to hell.
I wrote another one for Sasuhina month titled, ''You took my hand, take my whole life too.'' Summary; On Sundays, Sasuke wakes up half an hour late, begrudgingly picks his brother's calls and does his wife's grocery. I'd be very happy if you give it a read ;). My ao3 user name is ''Dinosuccessor''
Thank you so much for the reviews this chapter wouldn't be here without those!
Accountability and accusations.
Forgiving self from moving on when they didn't.
Karin leaped from one branch to another through a dense forest region stretching beyond and above. The other person travelling with her was roughly a few steps ahead, she didn't need to see where she was. Her distinct chakra had been ingrained in senses but more than that she had a feeble trust the destination remains unchanged.
With good faith, nervousness dancing in their sleeves they had camped a few miles away from the desired destination. It was not camping in its traditional sense of camping where the scenery is canopies of darkness bedazzled by celestial bodies. The resemblance came more from familiar feelings of dubiety; niggling paranoia of a snake biting you in your sleep.
Poetics devices wouldn't begin to describe the transmundane comparison between real and reel.
A part of her was still wary, the prerequisites knowledge for the sanin would make them trace their path. It was still a hard concept to grasp why would he offer to help? The justification had been simple; to experiment, of course that was the basis. It should've dissolved into the mold of doubts but something was clawing her brain. Not brain, that would have been easier to pluck out; it was stuck at a corner of her thoughts. Her hands were flexing to grab them yet every time they attempted to do so, wriggling inches closer to the rock bottom they came empty.
It was for the best. As a medic or in the least someone who has watched corpses and cases to describe her livelihood this was the best. They might say it's never too late and the realization would be late. Shit like that was for people to be positive when they were careless. Karin was not careless.
They waited for around 30 more minutes for the clock to strike 5:38 pm when Yamato would do a roundabout periphery check. That was a particular time when his feet took him to western borders. The routine was same everyday- one might think shinobi are supposed to be unpredictable why the same routine? Firstly Karin was positive this was not a conscious decision. Yamato was the kind of man who remained glued to his post, wary of any intruders. The twilight lulled his senses and drugged him towards the sunset. Secondly it was not uncommon to follow a routine in order to confuse any possible spies. His brief absence left the other guard shinobis shaking with fear. They would exploit that, sneak from a tunnel like structure assumed to be blocked sewage area.
It went accordingly. A miniscule barrier at the tunnel to prevent immediate intruders was easily dismissed by her.
"My, my. " orochimaru was fast at feet to receive them. Karin felt a disgusting snicker on his face but it subsided as soon as it overwhelmed. The glint of lust was tucked behind a shady chuckle. She had to remind herself- orochimaru wouldn't do anything funny, he was under surveillance and Sasuke would haunt him down sooner or later. He left leaving both the women stricken with paranoia. Karin leads Hinata to a less used room disguised as a changing room. She leaned herself outside its door.
"Juugo?" The surprise was evident on her face as the orange haired bulky man walked towards her. Karin briefly frowned. If he was here then what about the mission? Did they complete it? On edge of her curiosity she walked away from the room Hinata was in. At any cost she shouldn't be aware of the mission "What happened to the mission?"
"It's forfeited for a while. " He shrugged. Sasuke never mentioned Karin and suigetsu being aware of it neither did he ever mention them being unaware of it. Prerequisite to that, where he resided was only privy to them and orochimaru. Sasuke located him, it was two plus two.
"Why? What happened in kiri?"
Juugo filled in details of their surveys. "Sasuke saved a girl in one of the arenas. Turned out she was from Takigakure on an undercover mission from oto." A surprised 'what the fuck' was compressed in her throat. Oto, the sound, never moved on from orochimaru. They still believed orochimaru sama was their ruler. In return orochimaru made a monarchy there, making a dupe of himself. No one knew who the dupe was or was it even a dupe? Oto was now regarded as a scientific zone. Orochimaru had the audacity to walk in there once or twice in a year to grace the public with his presence. "She recognized Sasuke. The guy she was pretending to work under popularly known as Khiro was the most branched drug dealer in Kiri. She knew about those pills, the drug itself is known as Geisha, for how pale the receiver turns. "
"How is this geisha obtained? It has a very…specific composition. "
"Geisha is obtained from a weed. It's growth doesn't make much difference, the plant is adopted to make the desired ratios for itself. The processing however was described as complex and tedious. They let the plant ferment for months which upon catalyst dissolves to form a very little amount of Geisha. They harvest it before winter and the product is deemed usable only after 2 years or so. The expenditure is a lot ergo it's banned. "
"But the thing is potent as fuck. It's a very very veryyyyy powerful tranquilizer as in, it brings over a sense of calmness over the person making the body induce sleep. A little alteration in its concentration can kill a person and make it look flawlessly natural. The body would refuse to retrace back to its working stage once the peace is settled. Because it's so natural, the victims are almost never considered for postmortem."She pushed her
Specs up her nose as the recollection of case studies swam through her mind. "Neat. Clean Work. "
Juugo pondered on her words. "Do they have any use in medicines?"
"Extensively. " Her answer was quick and stressful. "Used actually. As an anesthetic this was very popular. I heard some daimyo's wife died and didn't make it after surgery though it was supposed to be successful. Apparently the anesthetic doses were fucked up and ever since they're banned. There are better alternatives nowadays and honestly I long considered this a myth. " Karin had an optimal interest in medicine; their composition and uses. Over time through books and rumours she had hijacked as much knowledge as she could. That was a way she hoped could be in some use to orochimaru. It was all survival. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm not yet privy to further details following the find of the drug but, " He made a hesitant pause unsure whether or not to discuss a topic undisclosed. "I am guessing it will have something to do with the customer who has acquired it. At first given the price, I was guessing it could be noble classes who have substantial connections to order them. The search would be greatly narrowed if that was the case."
"Yeah so? Whatever you're thinking, money has to do with it. The thing was still costly as fuck so don't cut that outta ya list. "
"No, I'm thinking if they stole the drug. Do you by any chance have sources of what labs used that specific drug?"
"Stole it? Are you implying someone stole it from medical facilities?" Karin looked up, questioning his musings. "I mean even after the thing was banned people used it on many, experimentally. The hospitals, the ones registered, sold it to willing buyers at a discount. I don't have a list, most of the hospitals that pursued surgery had it. "
"The girl Sasuke saved mentioned how Khiro has no details of his customers accounted for anywhere. He has a sharp memory and we are unaware of the ninjutsu he uses. The kiri hospital had records for these drugs but all of them were disposed of. You say it was used on people experimentally, I wonder If it will do any good to search for a human trafficker?" Orochimaru would have contacts of such people. In their prime time they have themselves worked to help some of those disgusting people as a part of their mission.
"Hmmmm, a part of agreement between Orochimaru-Sama and konoha was that he would submit any details of such people. Kabuto had most of this information but we didn't know where he was or was. Konoha wouldn't believe so and they racked our previous hideouts. Those were ruined but if I had to take a guess I would say they must have located something a few years ago. All the contacts we have right now or atleast what we know off are completely useless in this case. " Karin thought back to continual invasion of konoha shinobis through this place and others only because an older pair of ass hats wouldn't fucking believe they had none to hide. The sensors around their previous hideouts indicated how shinobis frequently dug up the ruins. One fine morning it all seized.
"Sasuke strictly mentioned not to involve leaf, that is out of bounds. " He lowly murmured. "I was here to meet with suigetsu. He is the one who contacts the supplier for here hm?"
"Oh actually about that…" Karin trailed off wondering how to put into words the personal mission she undertook and how the dumb shit followed her. "I need your help. "
"Hinata-Sama."
Dread. It was unadulterated dread that dripped down the edge of a sterile plastic bag filled with salt concentration of ghastly lust. No one knew where it was leaking but it was, slowly across the sealed edges inclined at an angle that could fit a 'V' between thumb and forefinger.
"Hinataaa-sama."
Drip. Drip.
Her lips trembled with disgust. The last time she was so horridly disgusted by her own name was when Neji mouthed with blood oozing from corners of his mouth. He looked sickly pale, his perpetual frown melting into nasty blue lips. It was sickening and crumpled her heart within its violating grip.
Drip.
But Neji was not here, Neji has not been here for 15 years now. This emptiness, this raging anxiety was a poor imitation of what had burned underneath. Her knuckles grew whiter tuning with the shade of the man stalking towards her. Her Byakugan flared all her senses begging her to run.
"Hinata-Sama. Hinata-Sama. " A quiet chuckle spilled around the dense air. "Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid of me Hi-na-ta samaaa."
Was she? If so then why was she? He hadn't said anything to her. On the contrary, he saved her. She should be thankful then why was she shaking like a crisp paper on a windy day?
Because nothing needed to be said for fear to arrive.
Because he stalked towards with a sharp glint of ambition that she recognised to be hunger.
Drip. Drip.
"You wound me, Hinata-Sama. "Bile hiked itself, gnawing at her internal soft tissues as he brought himself closer and closer. Her heart started beating more compulsively. She could feel the muscle clamp on his veins, squeeze his arteries at an accelerated pace. She could very clearly hear the drumming tune as if there was nothing around to divert her. As if her feet were clipped down on the slippery tiles.
Wait…clipped down?
She..she can't move now…?
Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.
"Listen to me Hinata-Sama, I've nothing to hurt you. " The ghost voice cascaded through haunted lips; the baritone was low; it echoed across the hollow room and made the hairs on her body stand in attention. "You already saw them didn't you? Don't you want to know more about them?"
One of his hands curled around themselves to anchor her chin. His thumb peaked through the glob to graze the lines of her lower lip. "Don't you want to know how so many of your tiny chakra signatures are floating in those tubes?"
When hovered closer something terrific inside her snapped. With all her might she propelled a gust of chakra through her palms that were knitted beside her hips. On an amused smirk orochimaru stepped back and Hinata took her opportunity to land ample blows of jyukens on him. The Hakke Rokujūyon Shō; eight trigrams, sixty four palms that rotated like gears to clasp their prey. The green light illuminated across the dark room making Hinata shed her primordial layer of anxiousness. She exhaled out a shaky wisp of air which turned cold when he heard the chuckle again.
The orochimaru infront of her that was subjected into her attacks dispersed in the air and another one appeared beside her. It clutched her neck from behind and tilted it to look at the notorious face. She blanched, digging her nails inside the hands that held her neck. "What a show. Do you want to hear how proud you made me?"
He pulled her closer. "Or be a good girl and listen to your savior. " He pushed her back into the makeshift bed bonded with some sort of anti chakra jutsu. "I am unbothered if you consider this my paycheck for saving your life or my atrocity. Kindness have never been a word to associate me with and you are sorely mistaken if you consider some cells dying the worst thing I've been convicted of. I'm completely irresponsible for any emotional attachment you have with my subject of experiment. "
"Shut up!" Hinata hissed. "I don't care about your shitty personality traits! I can slap layers of legal violation but when has the system been eloquent? Your experimental subjects are our zygotes that you keep killing! How dare you say—"
"My my, I can do whatsoever with my experimental subjects. You can only have a say when you give something consciously or are willing to take something? As of now, Hinata Hyuga has no linkage to these cells. "
"Oh so you are implying my stolen genes will be cultivated like some mindless experiment, be killed within your convenience? You expect me to be dandy when I know your monstrous intentions? Like hell!"
"I expect nothing from you unless you are willing. Are you? I don't think so. You aren't concerned enough about this, I believe you're more under shock than anything else. Let it be a mindless experiment, why do you care?"
"Because that's my kid you asshat! What you're doing right now is what doctors do for infertility! What changes here is higher rate of failure! Why the hell would I not care?"
"Kid? These are cells miss Hyuga, a kid can only be called so when either of parents are willing to take responsibility through infertility programmes, as your law suggests. You have been conservational for these "babies" yet you refuse to harbour their responsibilities. This is being nosey. Your emotions have captivated me, how about I give you options? Would you like to carry one of these "babies and I shall stop everything else at once or would you like to be injected with a memory loss serum and go on with your life?"
"What?" Hinata panted. "Are you threatening me? How dare you—"
It was before a flash could end Orochimaru was pressing her cheeks, nails digging into her face. He had that nasty grin on his face and Hinata wished she could glare at him, like Sasuke would've done, instead of breaking down. "You're so demanding, it's cute. I gave you two options, choose. You are Sasuke-kun's figment of surrealism, do you not understand what I must go through everyday to know how it shall turn out if we pluck you and him to put it in another tiny body? I am irresistibly curious therefore i shall allow you to choose. A natural body, the mother's, would develop a healthy baby than these synthetic tubes. I want to know what is there to know, and you are a war veteran don't you know what I do to achieve my aims?"
Hinata couldn't do it. All her strength that she used to keep her tears dissipated. She cried, shattered in front of a ruthless, heinous creature. A part of her hoped Sasuke would come to save her from this torture. Another part of her accepted that she had lost, her weakness in terms of capabilities took over.
She agreed. It was terrifying, the thought of her child locked up in this vitriol liquids. She was scared of the phantom feeling that would slowly devour her and one day all that would be left- remorse.
"Hinata– what the fuck orochimaru! Free her! What the fuck do you think you are doing you damn snake!? Leave her!" She heard karin's voice echo in whitewashed room's. Karin was trying to free her from orochimaru's clutches. "What the fuck are those?"
Karin's voice shivered because she had a speck of suspicion on what it exactly might be. Hinata watched as shock waves quieted Karin, realisation gradually setting in. Hyūga eyes have never misled anyone. It was the peak of pride they had harvested because of this one unmistakable quality. She had too, as an heir, it was her ultimate pride; the range and accuracy of her byakūgan had been unparalleled. However at this particular moment she was anything was unreceptive of her own deeds. It was strong denial, no she bathed herself with. As if all her teen insecurities of her eyes being faulty to come true were morphing themselves into reality but this time by her own willingness.
"Oh those? Just yours and Sasuke's kids." She shattered a little more, hearing the disgusting chuckle and a predisposition of her future.
Her kid.
When she was 19 and in love, manipulated, she had assumed a kid would save her marriage. It would bring the spark that was lost after marriage. A kid did save her, upturn her barren life into something to look forward to. Boruto and Hima were unplanned yet they brought home such joy it had been almost perfect.
Now she'll again be a mother, put her wobbly feet in a planned pregnancy and uncertainess to familial love.
Hinata eyed the pouch secured around Karin which held a scroll coded with medications mandatory for this pregnancy. She would have to endure it for 60 days, be treated in orochimaru's laboratory, undergo multitude of hardships only to save a life. She hated how much it affected her, she despised to think what would happen to Sasuke's unborn kid if turned around today?
Karin insisted they call it a day and continue their journey the next morning. Hinata really wanted to get home or where her home is supposed to be. They reached konoha early in the morning when Sun was still shy.
"Hinata," Karin offered her water as she plopped on the couch. Himawari was still asleep while Suigestu lurked in the shadows. "You don't have to- we can contact Sasuke, he'll make it alright. "
"No. " Hinata protested. "I cannot have him save me every time. He's already helping so much, with money, with his team, with hope, I donot have the courage to ask him for anything. I don't want anyone else fighting my battles for me. "
"Hinata- C'mon Sasuke doesn't think that way. This is also Sasuke's kid, he has the right to know—"
"He doesn't stay Karin!" Hinata cried. "He-he has saved my life multiple times, I don't want to be a burden on him as I have on Naru– and this is orochimaru, he won't let any of us contact Sasuke and even if we do, do you think he'll stop? He will dig the earth to find another way!"
"We can stop him if we work together. You've barely saved yourself and a kid in this state- Hinata I'm worried. "
"Karin, do you really think we can stop him? No, we'll be trying for all it means. And you know the situation I'm in, I cannot go and ask the Hokage for help. The media will go berserk if this leaks- the fingers will be pointed towards me! This village loves the Hokage and the Hokage hates me." Hinata ran her sweaty palms through her hair reliving gruesome memories. "No no no I cannot risk the fate of my children iin his hands!"
"Hinata, breathe!" Karin jerked her shoulders. "Breathe, inhale, take a breath in! You'll be fine, your kids will be fine!"
Hinata felt dizzy. Her throat dry despite chugging the whole glass of water. She actively breathed, huffing through her mouth to relieve suffocation. "I won't let anyone harm my kids, Karin I'll be stronger. No matter what, I will be stronger."
The medication made her moody. She was injected with 10 ml of a serum everyday and whatever that was, it made changes in her body. She was happier….? She had suspicions Karin added multivitamins in her diet and encouraged learning many mind jutsus. Hinata dedicated every minute of her days and nights into learning numerous basic jutsus of and integrating them in her hyuga arts.
The failures terrified her. On bad days the jutsu cast would somehow be reversed and have large side effects on her. Being sick and tired of getting herself injured she developed a Fuinjutsu infused with Hyuga technique to develop a flexible layer of protection on her. Because her chakra reserves were still not strong enough to handle an entirety of Hakkeshō: Kaiten through a spar nor was it practical. Hinata developed a version that inculcated the basics of revolution of chakra from her pores but prevented her from physical rotation in the form of a seal. She mimicked the laws of physics needed to create a vacuum palm and coded it in form of a seal.
Or at least that was the vision. At first it was horrible, the vacuum would tear her skin, seal would burn it and too much chakra would be sucked to even decently land a few attacks. There would be frequent times when she would collapse on the dirt floor. For 15 dreadful day Hinata adapt to balance the negative response of her own jutsu along with Suigetsu's consistent attack; physical and elemental. Her edge that been rust infected was slowly shedding, polishing itself on finner metals.
On 16th day, it finally came together. A revolving membrane that was flexible to deflect attacks while allowing her own offensive movements. Hinata managed to lower the chakra expense to a negligible amount since it was in the seal form. She would have to invest chakra throughout the day and freely use it without hindrance during spars.
The little achievement was a moment of turning. She felt accomplished, she felt all the little memories that had been locked inside her. The spar with Suigetsu that day openly challenged his superiority against her.
On 17th day, Hinata was introduced to a new character.
"So little lady, to level up your game I have a surprise for you!" A huge guy, twice Hinata's height and thrice her weight stood infront of her. A brownish shawl was on shoulders, he looked rough as it went. "This is our final member of Hebi, Juugo. Don't stare, fight!"
They decided on a no jutsu fight. It was harder to deal with Juugo. While Suigestu was sharp and puzzling, Juugo was instinctual and brute strength. Moments where Suigestu would dodge Juugo would take the hit amidst landing a stronger one. At the end of the spar she felt far more fatigued and the memory gap she had proved her unconsciousness.
When she woke up with a splitting headache in the same pricking orange wall color and sheets she almost picked up the broken glass to stab herself. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck," She chanted in frustration "How will I earn for my kids if I keep fainting like this? How the fuck will I get myself in ANBU if I can't even handle a day's spar?"
These past few days she'd try to be stronger. She recollected all those boring lectures 'adults' would throw at her for being successful and what not. 'Never give up', 'set an example for younger generations','never lose your composer', 'bright sunrise after a blinding night'; she put all of them to use. She did her best to be a better mother than Hokage's depressed, divorced ex-wife. Then why? Why did it come crashing the moment she had to deal with uncertainty?
"Hinanana," Suigetsu knocked. Hinata wiped her face hoping her eyes didn't morph bloody. "You there?"
"Y-yea." Her voice croaked a little as did everyone's after crying ugly. Luckily Hinata learned to hide her tears from a very tender age.
"You're cool with Juugo training with us right?" He leaned on the door frame with his signature grin. "Your coordination and response to stimulus are pretty much jounin level. It'd be good if you can tackle someone like Juugo."
"Yes it's okay. I don't mind. " She assured. "Naru- Hokage's study room can be transformed into guest room–"
"Nah he'll live outside. "Suigetsu shrugged. "It's dangerous, don't ask me why. You'll know soon enough. "
"He's Sasuke's ally, is it bad I want to invite him?"
"He's Sasuke's ally, that is why don't invite him. Extra marks for being kind when you're fucked up yourself. " Suigestu strided across the room staring uncharacteristically at the walls. "Why are your walls so characterless? You wouldn't mind if I slapped some color on them right?"
"My budget would mind." Hinata retorted. "Hey Suigetsu, you guys know that I know we are using Sasuke's money? How much time before I can enroll in ANBU?"
"Let's pretend it's your money. If you don't use it by Sasuke's conscious wish it's going to be eaten up by capitalists. Sasuke is a nomad in the most unsafe place, I think he wants good omens. What do they say? Help the needy." For professional gimmicks he tapped the walls cringing at the sheen of dirt and the color. "Besides you're housing Sasuke's kid, his kid's bodyguards, his vacation home and housekeepers. He's a lavish man, don't worry about minute details. "
"For your second question I think you need to reconsider some life choices. Juugo is here now, we can track Sasuke. He'll put an end to the snake's sadistic land. You don't have to be the mother goat of sacrifice—"
"He can't. Orochimaru is Konoha's ally, you don't think there will be an investigation after he's 'dealt with '? And does Sasuke have no other work than being my guardian angel? He didn't even specify when he'll return and after all these if he takes a long break who am I to disrupt it? I know you and Karin have been trying to track him. Where did your efforts lead you to? What would happen if orochimaru gets to know about your plan? And- and what if– I don't, let me do this."
"You're already doing it. You've already planned how you'll demolish yourself starting with not painting this room. For ANBU you need a special set of skills that the Hokage finds great use of, not flashy one's like Sasuke's but efficient one's. Juugo is a bloody boulder, you can't use your Hyuga techniques and it just wouldn't penetrate to create that impact. Why don't you work on jutsus that would invisibly sharpen your physical contact without the boring Hyuga stance?"
'She's fine. Stable development. No suicidal intentions, tends to overexhaust herself. No other suspicions. Clones do peripheral checks but they haven't spotted Karin or Suigetsu yet. The kids are fast learners.'
Sasuke traced the rolled edges of the note littered with a vital piece of information that he openly pretended to not care about. He knew Juugo would do something like these, he also knew Karin and Suigetsu wouldn't sit still for their life. In his non meddling way, he could be thankful.
He did miss his daughter and the woman who she was with. Little gestures they shared have been stuck in his head like an annoying tune picked from streets. For the first time in his life he could justify the help he was endowed with. There was an eerie satisfaction of knowing there will be no casualties to look after when he returns or straining relations to hold on to.
He's been homeless for so long and now the shadows of shed make him yearn for home. In his savvy of guilt he decided to be repent and he did, tried to take accountability for actions of his own family members. He's tired now, of pretending or running away. In his family's way, 'íf uchiha's want something they take it' can be applied to surviving guilt didn't choose to be left, it was done for him. He didn't choose to become a maniac after dead people, it wall done for him. He didn't choose to be putty in hands of a dainty woman yet it was choosen for him. What is Sasuke if not a servant of fate?
He hopes one day Sarada would condone him for walking away and forgiving himself for the relationship that didn't work with her mother. He also hopes one day he could find a word that wouldn't resonate with love to describe this maddening feeling harbored for a 5 feet human flesh of a disaster.
Atleast he now accepts there are some feelings who cares if those are accusatory?
In my native language there is a phrase in a song which says, ''without you even breathing seems like glass'' which is my inspo for the next chapter. I do not know if they meant it for shards of glass that could cut or the translucent feeling of loneliness but whatever that was it is mine to create with now.
Thank you so much for the reviews!
