"Okay, so you weren't kidding when you said everything was a mess," Lanie said as she poured another glass of wine. "But it doesn't mean we can't fix it."
"I don't see how," Kate grumbled as she took a sip of wine.
"So this proposal… are you seriously considering it?" Lanie watched Kate, but she didn't answer. "Why would you even entertain the idea?"
"I just…" Kate let out a long sigh, "I thought it would be easier, you know? It isn't like dating works for me anyway. Half the guys think I work too much and the other half only care what I look like. I just want someone—"
"You want Castle," Lanie interrupted. "Don't bother denying it."
"I wasn't going to. Not that it matters anyway, it's never going to happen."
"Girl, he's into you. He's been into you for a while, in case you've missed it."
"I kissed him and he rejected me, Lanie. He's not interested."
"So wait… he knows you were considering marrying Lucas and didn't want to make out with you? Because he's in love with you, Kate. Deep down you know he is."
Kate shook her head. "I don't think so. Not anymore. I should never have kissed him."
"So apologize. If you think it was a mistake -timing or in general- you should apologize to him." Lanie watched as Kate bit the inside of her cheek nervously. "Kate, just explain to him that you aren't sleeping; you aren't thinking clearly. He'll understand." Lanie paused for a moment before continuing. "That brings us to those dreams. Girl, anytime something involves your mother you spiral. That's what's happening; you're spiraling."
"How do I stop?" Kate squeaked in a tone that broke Lanie's heart.
"Sleep is the first step. I'm going to refer you to a doctor; he could probably prescribe you a sleeping pill…" Kate nodded but said nothing. "Do you need me to stay with you?"
"No, no. You've done enough. Thanks, Lanie." Kate stood and took their wine glasses to the sink. Lanie hugged Kate before putting on her coat and heading out.
Kate was able to pick up her prescription that night. For the first time in days, she finally got the rest she so badly needed. The next morning, she set out to right her wrongs.
Her first stop was meeting Lucas for coffee. Drinking coffee with another man felt like cheating to Kate, but Lucas insisted.
"Thank you for meeting me," she began. "Since you came into the precinct, I've been going crazy thinking about your proposal. I thought I could enter into a loveless marriage but I just can't. If and when I get married, I want it to be the real deal."
"What about a long engagement? You can take your time falling in love…"
"Let's have it," Kate said blankly. "You're up to something. What's your endgame?"Lucas sighed and took a sip of coffee in an attempt to stall for time. "Lucas!" Kate pounded the table with her fist.
"Okay, okay. I'm on the fast track to becoming partner—"
"What does this have to do with me?" She snapped, growing impatient.
"It's just my boss… he's a huge Nikki Heat fan. And of you, too. I just thought with you could open doors for me…"
"That's deplorable," she hissed, trying not to make a scene. "I'm out of here."
"Kate—" Lucas tried but it was too late; Kate was long gone. As she stepped out of the coffee shop she couldn't help but smile in relief. He had been so slimy with his ulterior motives that she didn't feel any guilt over rejecting him.
She sighed as she stood outside Castle's apartment. She knew this would be the hardest part.
"Hey, Castle," she greeted when he opened the door.
"Beckett, come on in. Can I take your coat?" He slid the coat off her, silently making note of just how many coats she owned. She wasn't materialistic in any way so he couldn't help wonder why she had such a large collection of coats. Whatever it was, he found it adorable.
"Castle," she started, turning to face him. "I owe you an apology."
"I'm the one who owes you an apology," he corrected. Kate stared at him in confusion until he spoke again. "I shouldn't have left like that—"
"I made you uncomfortable. I should never have kissed you. It was wrong of me to put you in an awkward position like that. It would kill me if I did anything to ruin our relationsh— I mean friendship."
"Kate," he interrupted, trying to get her attention back. Castle ran a hand through his hair. "When I said I shouldn't have left, I meant I should have stayed with you. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I just didn't want to be that last fling before you get married."
"I'm not getting married," she said softly. "At least not yet."
"Married, engaged, same thing," he waved his arm in mock exasperation.
"I'm not getting engaged, either. I told Lucas no."
"Why?" Castle asked, stepping closer to her.
"Because I don't love him," she admitted. "I thought I could look past it but I just can't."
"I won't lie to you, I'm relieved to hear that. It would have been a mistake." Kate nodded in agreement. "You should marry someone who loves you… someone who will bring you bearclaws in the morning… someone who will reach for the Tylenol when you pinch your nose the way you do when you get a headache…"
"Sounds like someone I know," she pressed gingerly. She didn't know how to react; he had rejected her the night before and was now hinting that he had feelings for her.
"You know how I feel, Kate."
"Do I?" She asked. "You've never—"
"Neither have you and I know how you feel," he interrupted. He stepped closer to her, close enough to make her breath hitch. "You're in love with me, Kate. You have been for a while…" he watched as her cheeks grew rosy.
"What's changed since yesterday?" She asked quietly. "You didn't want me."
"I thought you were with Lucas." He stepped dangerously close to her. "When I have you, I want you to be mine and only mine," he growled. His eyes darkened with desire as he took another step closer to Kate. "I'm crazy about you," he whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb. He leaned in and let his lips glide over hers lightly. He waited until she kissed him back to deepen the kiss. As he kissed her he took another step closer, pinning her to the kitchen counter.
Kate felt like her world was spinning. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. It wasn't that she didn't want Castle, she'd yearned for him for years. She just wanted to do things right with him.
"Rick," she placed a hand on his chest, "I want this, I really do but I don't want to rush into it. I want us to take our time…" she leaned in and gave him a slow kiss. "I just want to go slow," she whispered.
"So we shouldn't be doing this?" He whispered as he kissed her softly.
"Oh, no. Kissing is good. Really good," she smirked before kissing him again.
The end.
