Shiny Happy People
Amazon Prime recently released a documentary that contained interviews with several reality show personalities and Christian influencers. (June 2023) The documentary titled Shiny Happy People illustrates the (alleged Biblical) philosophies believed to be responsible for the breeding ground of several abuse scandals that have surfaced surrounding some of these famous families.
The "modern Christian patriarchy movement"; which spawned certain "Christian child rearing" and homeschool philosophies, became a conglomerate of concepts gathering under the umbrella of a controversial organization called The Institute for Basic Life Principles; which was formed by Bill Gothard in the early 1960's. Many today are labeling this organization as a cult.
Now, leadership based in love and self sacrifice is certainly a Biblical principle. But Scripture too gives stark warnings about "shepherds" who "lord over the flock". For abuse of power is certainly not a new concept.
Thus my latest installment; also entitled "Shiny Happy People"
Dear Father, how old am I again? Jesus's thoughts mumbled along as he stood up, twisted back and forth a couple of times in hopes that a stretch or two would pop his achy back.
He stood a moment surveying the neatly stacked piles of freshly quarried stone they'd just hauled back to the job site. Noon was encroaching upon this recently acquired work across the other side of Nazareth; of which, they'd planned to be finished by the end of the day.
"Mom, do you need another nap?" James giggled at him.
"Yes, son Joseph Junior! Go fetch my hammock." Jesus joked as he wadded up their lunch satchel and threw it at his younger brother.
"Hey!" 'Joseph jr.' protested. "I'm telling dad you're throwing food at me again."
"He already knows." Came the response.
"OK" 'JJ' shrugged as he scooped the bag off the ground. "What'd ya pack for lunch mom?" He commented as he peered inside. "Oooh sausages!" Came the delighted wide eyed surprise. "But three?" A perplexed scowl flashed across his face. "You planning on being extra hungry; or on me fixing most of that wall?" He shot Jesus an unsure side glance.
"That one's for her." Jesus answered as he gestured behind James.
"Huh?" His brother swung around. "Oh." He shrugged as he flashed a few more confused glances between Jesus and the daughter of the house, now cowering in the doorway.
Go on. Jesus gestured as James wandered over and handed the extra sausage to the scraggly young'in who seemed somewhere eternally trapped between childhood and young woman.
"I guess mom wants you to have this." He mumbled as he rummaged through the bag a bit. "Ya are kinda skinny." He muttered thoughtlessly as she snatched the sausage and hurried off behind the broken wall to consume it.
James just glared back as his brother, shrugged haplessly and pointed behind him.
"You'll know soon enough." Jesus answered.
They continued snacking on random bites as they kibitzed about which rocks would be best suited for which part of the wall.
"So…" James paused at the uneasy question. "What's up with the girl? You know anything about this family?"
"A little." Jesus answered. "Goofy Sari has brought her to the synagogue to listen to me read."
"OH!" James nodded knowingly. "So when are you gonna marry lizard girl?" He snickered.
"I'm not…. Joseph jr." Jesus snickered back.
"Well…" 'JJ' smirked at Jesus. "Who is than?"
"Maybe you?" Jesus smirked back.
"Oh, no, no no bro!" 'JJ' waved his hands in protest. "She just the perfect amount of weird all for…. just you!" He pointed at Jesus.
"But I'm not the first of this family in line for a bride." Jesus retorted. "My first born son of Joseph." Jesus whacked his brother on the back. "Mr. JJ. That's you!"
"OK… mom!" He smirked again.
"Would you please quit calling me mom." Jesus sighed.
"What, you look just like her!" 'JJ' retorted. "If mom were a guy; she'd look like you! You know that don't you?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up." Jesus replied.
"We all know dad aint your dad." 'JJ' smirked. "You like; mom budded and just popped out….. you! Like a male bee; where'd you come from?"
"Royal jelly! That's where I came from!" Jesus held his hands up and wiggled his fingers at 'JJ'. "Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, Buzz!"
They both laughed as they commenced a brief brotherly game of shove me.
"MARIUM!" A shrill voice rang out from inside the house. "MARIUM? WHERE ARE YOU?" A raging middle aged hag of what once appeared as a 'Proverbs 16 woman' came running outside. "YOU LITTLE Whor…" She suddenly stopped when she saw the two men steadying each other.
"Oh hello." Her bitter rant suddenly slid into a tone as smooth as melted butter.
"She's heading to fetch water." Jesus replied.
"Oh… is she?" The woman commented as she folded her arms and peered at the bucket sitting by the door.
"We'll take that to her." Jesus answered as he walked over to retrieve the wheelbarrow. "We need to get some water for the mortar anyways." He pointed 'JJ' to grab the bucket.
The woman glared suspiciously at James before she slapped him with the bucket and marched back inside. James turned toward Jesus flashed a perturbed look and shook his head.
"Come on." Jesus sighed as he threw a second bucket into the wheelbarrow and headed off toward the other side of the wall. James simply shrugged and followed along.
Jesus turned the corner and walked over to where Miriam was cowering behind the broken stone. "Here." He handed the girl a piece of fruit and then the bucket while they began to walk. Miriam scarfed down the fruit as fast as she could and scurried off after the brothers, just before they disappeared from her sight.
"Did you bring a sufficient number of bribes?" James smirked.
"For you?" Jesus smirked back. "No. You're going to have to buy your own lunch!"
"MOM! You aint serious; are you?" 'JJ' shot Jesus an unsure glare.
"Yeah!" Jesus grinned back at his brother as he fished through the pouch on his girdle and slapped 'JJ' with a couple of coins. "I want one of Anthony's sizzling slather turkey legs; if he's got any left."
"WOO HOO! Thanks Mom!" 'JJ' whooped as he took off running. "Hope he's got two!"
"You only get half if he doesn't!" Jesus yelled after him.
Jesus turned around to look after, if Miriam was still with him. She was following along; although not too close.
"You want some cheese?" Jesus asked.
Miriam scurried up behind him at the promise of more food.
"I…I..I'm sorry." Miriam whispered as Jesus handed her their lunch bag. "I…I.. I don't usually eat so much." She tried not to look so longly at the contents of the bag. "Really I don't. I.. I.. I don't usually eat hardly nothing at all."
"I know." Jesus replied.
Mariam stopped a moment and looked up at him.
Jesus turned around.
"You're the fellow Sari likes." Miriam blurted out. "The one that reads at the synagogue… I..I mean."
"Yeah." Jesus nodded. "That's me. The one who reads at the synagogue."
"She said her dad has talked to you." Miriam blurted out another fact which had been previously relayed to her.
"Yeah, her dad has talked to me." Jesus answered.
"Has it happened yet?" Miriam blurted the last question that spontaneously popped into her head.
Jesus made a funny face and shook his head. "For what ever "it", is referring to; no it hasn't."
"Her brother is nice." Mariam went on to a seemingly unrelated subject.
"You like Sari's brother; Jacob?" Jesus inquired.
"Well, he gives me her old clothes." Mariam answered. "Well… you know.. the ones that don't fit her any more."
"Your father makes a decent wage; why doesn't he buy you clothes?" Jesus commented dryly.
Mariam paused another moment. "Um…. Maybe.. maybe he's saving up for my dowry?" She made a hopeful announcement. "That's it. He's saving for my dowry."
Jesus only sighed.
Mariam's glee sunk into the stranger's lunch she was holding. As she looked at the nearly empty bag and shamefully handed it back to Jesus. There was no dowry. She tried to suck back the tears. No dowry and no hope that any decent man would ever want her. After all, she was long past purity any more.
They stood for another long moment as Mariam tried not to run in terror, wondering what these men thought of her… or intended to do with her? Then suddenly, this stranger's words broke into the horror of the reality of her….. shiny happy life; of…. the fervent religiously obedient family….that is?
"Your adopted Father will provide your dowry." Jesus answered, as he turned, simply picked up the wheelbarrow and kept walking.
"Wha…?" Mariam gasped as she wasn't quite sure what she'd heard. My what… Her face quivered as his words tripped in her head while her feet tripped through the dusty streets.
"HEY MOM!" A familiar voice called, as 'JJ' came jogging up; one turkey leg in each hand. "I found your lizard bride." He laughed as he gestured behind himself at Sari; who'd managed to escape her momentarily agitated brother. "He mad. I nabbed his last turkey leg." He gestured at Sari's brother; Jacob.
"Give him mine and go get me a beef sandwich and baked potato." Jesus motioned to Jacob.
"Well, thanks… mom; but you don't have to buy me lunch." Jacob sighed as he handed Jesus his lunch money and happily took the turkey leg off 'JJ's' hands.
"Thank you for accommodating my pokey brother." Sari giggled. "I told him Anthony's sizzling slathers go fast."
"Come on." James nudged Jacob. "We go get him a sandwich before they gone too." He took a bite of his turkey leg. "What you want lizard bride?" 'JJ' snickered. "Grasshopper legs or fly pie?"
"You been hanging out with his cousin again; haven't you?" Sari retorted at her brother.
"Hey, John's cool." Jacob answered. "A little weird; but… ya know; so is the rest of the family!"
"Gee….. Thanks dude!" 'JJ' gave him the glare as they took off back toward the town square.
"Hurry up." Jesus hollered after James. "We got a job to finish!" He paused and muttered to himself. "And I'm still hungry."
"He shouldn't have swiped your lunch like that." Sari muttered a sympathetic scolding in her brother's direction.
"And I really wanted that turkey leg too." Jesus offered a sad, longing smirk.
"Life is so unfair." Sari added her own commentary.
"Waaahhh!" They laughed together in the well rehearsed pretend tantrum of two longtime childhood friends.
Sari scurried up to Jesus and gave him a sympathetic side hug. Then she scurried over to Mariam and gave her a sympathetic hug too.
The afternoon labor continued back at the job site as 'JJ' and Jesus hired Jacob and made him useful for the rest of the day; while Sari helped Mariam wash clothes. Come sundown; the group of friends went their separate ways. And upon returning home; there was still some extra stew and bread in the coals awaiting…. 'mom' and 'JJ'.
Mary; (the…female mom; along with sissy) joined her sons in the workshop, as they puttered around putting tools away and getting organized for the next day
Suddenly an angry bang came on the back door.
Jesus peered out of the curtain to see who it was. There stood Mariam and her father.
"YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS!" The man bellowed as Jesus slowly opened the door and her father shoved Mariam inside. She tripped over the floor lathe and fell next to the work bench. Jesus's sisters retrieved the girl, as several other brothers quickly appeared in the entrance between the house and the shop; to see what all the commotion was about.
"What's the problem?" Jesus said sternly.
"YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS!" Mariam's father continued to bellow. "YOU WANTED HER; NOW SHE'S YOURS!" He screeched as he slammed the door, dusted his hands off and walked away.
"What is going on?" Momma Mary asked stunned. "Isn't he the scribe? Rabbi Pent's assistant?"
"Yeah." Jesus growled as Mariam sobbed inconsolably while his sisters held her.
"We fixed his garden wall today." James answered. "And took her into town to get water."
"OK?" Momma Mary flashed a confused expression.
"We ran into the lizard bride and her sidekick brother." 'JJ' smirked.
"You really shouldn't call her that." Momma Mary objected.
"But Mom; I mean mom; it's funny." 'JJ' shrugged her off in silly sarcasm. "Made her brother useful too; and Sari helped her do laundry." He gestured at Mariam in a more serious tone. "The wall was done when we left."
"Why he's mad we took her into town with us; I have no idea?" James shrugged haplessly. "Jacob helped buy us lunch because she ate ours;….. or; mostly ate ours." James made a funny face. "Unless he's mad that we fed her?" He shook his head and threw his hands out in front of him. "But dude! She was hungry!"
"She ate both of your lunch?" Momma Mary whispered with a peculiar expression of utter awe.
"Almost." Jesus answered.
"Oh my." Momma Mary tried not to laugh. "Is the poor dear with child?"
"Yeah." Jesus soberly nodded.
Mariam stopped sobbing long enough to hear the conversation; held her breath and starred stunned at Jesus.
"Don't worry." James muttered to Mariam. "We all know it aint him. He just knows random shit no-one else does!"
Jesus's siblings all let out a collective snicker as Momma Mary gave James a swat.
"Language." She scolded.
"Yeah, he's a fair guy and very moral too." Jose cut in between his sister and Mariam.
"But he's not much fun." Judas giggled.
"Except to throw into ponds." Simon added his own two cents.
"Yeah, just ask the lizard bride!" James held his hands up with his biggest toothy impersonation of Sari.
"Or cousin John." Sissy added.
"Does he really eat bugs?" Mariam lent a hesitant inquiry as her eyes dared among the siblings before she wiped a few more tears away.
"Um…. Yeah!" The entire family lent a unified nod.
"But… hey, they are lawful." Jesus shrugged.
"Even if the laws of men say they aren't exactly…. kosher." James chuckled.
"That's OK; cousin John can have my share." Sissy made a face.
"Mine too." Momma Mary admittedly giggled, before she instructed her other daughters to take Mariam into the house, as she followed.
Momma Mary grabbed a couple of cups from the kitchen; a skin of wine, before she returned to the shop and had a seat with her sons.
"So…. who's the father?" James posed a guarded question, he wasn't sure he wanted the answer to as he passed the wine over to Judas.
"I put my Caesars on the guy who brought her here." Jose lent a disgusted grimace; although also marking an understood point.
"Well, we do know that's all a little too common for a lot of these religious elites." Momma Mary sighed.
"Yeah, they all snakes." James declared. "So… no more running off to the temple!" He pointed, as he scolded Jesus. "Dad absolutely flipped out when they couldn't find you."
"I remember that." Judas nodded. "I didn't know why mom and dad disappeared all the sudden; they were just…. gone."
"Yeah, and you drove Aunt Elizabeth crazy." Jose slapped his brother. "You were an absolute brat!"
"Hey, I was, what three years old?" Judas protested.
"Yeah, a three year old brat!" Jose smirked.
"Don't think I've met too many three year old's that aren't brats of one way or another." Jesus shrugged as he took a couple of bites of dinner.
"Yeah… OK." Momma Mary slapped her hands on the table. "True, you had your moments too." She nodded as she wagged a finger in Jesus's direction. "Toddlers; a lot like infants. They either fussing because they're hungry, messy, tired or….they're asleep. Not much in-between." She chuckled.
"So… not to be the bearer of practical news?" James turned to Jesus. "What are we gonna do with Mariam?"
"Well, Isaiah just bought a house for Jacob and guess what house… we just fixed; that's going up for sale soon?" Jesus lent a sober nod to his accompanying wagging spoon.
Because a certain occupant owes Isaiah a bunch of money!" Momma Mary added an important detail.
"Yes." Jesus confirmed. "Isaiah will be paying us with some of that, as well as the house he just bought for Jacob. That's going to need repairs too."
"And guess who's fixing that house; for… almost nothing?" James let out a sigh and put his head on the table.
"Hey, we're getting a good deal out of this." Jesus answered his brother. "None of us are going to starve and the new property has a grain mill and vineyards." He smiled happily. "Mind you, it's good to have friends who own a grain mill and vineyards!"
"Well, OK; I'm for getting paid in good bread and fine wine." Jose chuckled. "What kind of grapes they got?" He grinned big.
"Good deal!" Simon nodded approvingly as he offered a high five.
"Thank her." Jesus pointed. "Isaiah is Joseph's third cousin, twice removed…. or; or something like that."
"Mom the market trader." Simon cooed as he diverted his appreciation. "We'll sign your name to the city planning board." He chuckled with a big hug for mom.
"Today Nazareth. Tomorrow Rome." Momma Mary laughed.
"Yeah!" James cheered. "Move over Caesar! Here comes… MOM!"
"Everybody wants to rule the world." Jesus commented dryly.
"Well, Good; while you all staging your armies. Take him with you!" James smirked at Jesus, while pointing to brother Jose. "I'll stay back here and do the accounting." He grinned. "Besides, I'm getting too old for this."
"Yeah? Really?" Jesus shot him a glare of disbelief. "Too old?"
"You age better than I do." James shot back. "Allow us mortals to complain about our mortality."
"Complain away." Jesus threw his hands up in the air as he got up from the table. "Come and get me when you're done. I got a job for you!"
"Will that NOT involve picking up heavy rocks?" James inquired.
"Yeah." Jesus answered thoughtfully, as he gathered his dishes and headed toward the house. "Instead, you'll be picking up your cross and following me."
"Picking up my WHAT?" James swung around toward Jesus; who'd already escaped into the kitchen. "Where's he come up with this stuff?" He turned back and smacked Jose with the question.
"I don't know?" Jose only shrugged. "Ask her." He gestured at mom.
"No." James threw his hands up in the air. "No offense mom; but I don't want to hear about the wise men again!"
"Or the shiny dude." Jose added with a smirk.
"Hey, don't make fun of... the shiny dude. His name is Gabriel. I actually remember him!" Sissy objected as she emerged from the doorway to the house carrying the dregs of dinner.
"You were a baby." James threw his hands out in front of him. "How do you remember the shiny dude?"
"His name is Gabriel and stop calling him the shiny dude." Momma Mary scolded as she followed her eldest daughter into the shop while swirling the soup's ladle at them. "I don't think you'd be so caviler about all this if you'd seen the angel of the Lord."
"Mom!" James attempted to reason with her. "Who told you…. he.. was the Messiah." He gestured as he got up and strolled over to Jesus. "Him; sweaty, grimy first born son whom dad…. dad... your husband; would say: "Son… son. I love you like you were my own; but stop correcting my Hebrew. Forty five years of hearing it one way, aint ever going to sink in." James leaned over and sucked in a deep breath.
"You…. you who be rude to dad and he'd get frustrated with you… Messiah." James paused a moment. "Divine; they say, but you smell…. just like the rest of us!" James paused with a smirk. "Sorry bro… I know you got a good heart; you're very moral. But dude, you sound like a nut case!"
"Yeah." Judas broke in. "Father forgive us for being sinners."
Jesus only let out a sigh, of the vailed frustration of having heard this a million times before. "You will understand one day." Was all he could offer to James.
And Mariam's adopted family provided her dowry; from the money her father actually owed her future father-in-law.
