"Mr. Hebert." Glenn Chambers stated as he sat back down in his chair. "Do you know which type of shells you loaded in that shot gun?"
"The blue ones."
"Good, you're not as crazy as that bitch Piggot then." Glenn nodded. "I can assure you that you won't need either color."
"Umm should you be talking about your boss that way?" Taylor questioned.
"She is not my boss. On your paperwork it should read that I am the head of the PR for the Protectorate and the PRT, that means ALL of it. I have six offices, one here, one in Florida, one in Texas, one in Chicago, one in Seattle and one in Vegas. I rotate between these six offices as need be.
Given in the last three months,Browbeat, Alucard, Druid, Baskerville, Spitfire, and now you, have all come to ENE, I am here. Once I set you up and get the department here rolling I will be on my way to Miami to deal with a re-brand and a Ward moving up to the Protectorate.
Now then to the meat of this. I assume she told you about the posters and upon seeing me looking like a white trash hipster with delusions of being a YouTube celebrity you reacted."
"Errr. Yes?" Danny offered.
"Good that is what I hope for. A knee jerk, gut reaction. Why? Because that proves to any would be heroes that first impressions matter. Your first impressions of me are that I'm a fat lazy slob, never mind the fact I've got awards for running in marathons, and can bench two thirty five."
"Uhhh." Danny continues eloquently. "She did mention the posters."
"Of course she did. And she is right I do consider them my greatest achievements up to this point. And that is only because some one else took over the Mouse Protector line and RUINED IT! Cheese flavored cereal? And what the hell was with the last two seasons of her show, they Scrappy Doo'd it fer fucks sake. Who thought it was a good idea to get her a pet Chinchilla that could talk?! MOUSE it's in the damn name, she's not Assorted Rodent Protector." Glenn ranted. "The only super heroes in this town that I did not design costumes for are Armsmaster, Moon Dog, Gallant, and Vista. Everyone else has my touch some where in their costume, even Alucard."
"Gallant said you designed Vista's costume and she hates it. It was something he warned me about." Taylor offered.
"I did design Vista's costume,THE FIRST ONE, there's nothing left of it. I had her set up in a full covering design with pockets and green tint, almost like a loud military BDU crossed with a Tron outfit.
She loved it. Her mother vetoed all of it and put her in a skirt and gogo boots because it pissed off her father, who vetoed half of that and then they went back and forth for WEEKS I just let them throw together what she's wearing now and washed my hands of it." Glenn snarled.
"Now then the posters. See this woman on the left looking like Jessica rabbit? Her name is Tex, as a nod to Tex Avery, I thought it was clever, she's a case 53 with stranger powers not unlike a classic bugs bunny cartoon, walking on air unless she looks down, the mega ton hammer, the body contortion, the works.
That image is the form she took for that poster shot and for every PR shot, other wise she looks like a cartoon rabbit. She's pretty much the Mouse Protector of the West Coast."
Glenn pointed to the middle picture.
"This is Mister Perfect. He is a devote and rabid Nudist. Yes the religion. That I got him to wear ANYTHING is a testament to my skill."
He pointed to the pixie girl. " And this? The 14 year old looking girl wearing what amounts to a Disney stripper costume? She's a seventy year old grandmother who gained powers that unaged her back to her teens.
Tinker Hell then went on a rampage of debauchery and chaos using master, mover, and stranger powers to relieve every internet fantasy she ever read in her long life, whether the recipient wanted it or not.
She was shaping up to be the next Heartbreaker and not a damn person could do anything about her as she tore across the south like a one woman frat party. She made every law enforcement agency out there including the PRT and Protectorate look like amateur hour for a year before she was finally stopped, not by the PRT or a Cape, but by a pissed off girlfriend of a guy she broke who'd been tracking her through six states!"
"I can't say I've ever heard of that." Danny admitted.
"Yes. You're welcome." Glenn threw his hands in the air. "I have been a PR man since the seventies Mr. Hebert, and I have been working with the Protectorate and the PRT almost since day one, I just missed being able to vote on those damn storm trooper outfits for the rank and file, but I will fix it one day."
"Umm. Why does the Director seem to hate you then?" Taylor asked.
"Because the first suggestion I had for Druid was to put the girl in a bikini." Glenn sated causing Danny to clutch the gun tighter. "Do you know why I suggested it?"
"No.." Danny offered.
"Because her powers work from SKIN CONTACT, she has to be able to TOUCH her target to do anything. The bikini was a base to build off and Piggot lost her shit and now she looks like a freaking Muslim in that outfit, full face mask, hood, everything but her hands and feet covered, sure there's Velcro and sashes all over it so she can open it up if need by and fucking sandals she can slip out of but for fucks sake."
Taylor and Danny looked at each other. "Okay so why don't you talk to the Director and clear this up?" Taylor asked.
"Ahh that. There is a very very good reason for that." Glenn offered steeping his fingers in front of his face in a way that a glint of light flashed across his glasses.
"And that is?" Danny asked.
"Because I'm an asshole." Glenn offered.
"Uhhh." the pair blinked at the statement.
"Look if I'm an asshole and it gets around that I'm an asshole, people leave me alone, if I'm left alone I can do my job without getting calls every thirty seconds asking if Bacon Man's left boot needs stitching across or with the lines. It's taken me years to prefect this to the point where people fuck off of their own accord, people do not fuck off if you just tell them to fuck off."Glenn explained. "However no one wants to work closely with a known asshole, my actual boss knows the score and knows what I've done everyone else only needs to listen or get out of my way."
"But what if some one comes in like we did and then says something to other people?" Taylor questioned.
"Simple my dear, no one will believe you, just like they haven't believed any one else I've told. Or they think you got lucky and caught me on a good day. There's people I've never met in the PRT who can't stand me, and I absolutely love it." Glenn grinned.
"Now then. I've taken a look at your power set and I have three designs here depending on what you want to work up. I've got the cool design, the functional design and the cute design.
Honestly I'm not sold on the cute, I mean a bumble bee motif might work if you played it up full ham like Mouse, but I don't think you're going for that. Now take a look at these and tell me if they are something you might be able to work with."
Glenn handed over a pair of sketch pads to the Heberts and started talking about the designs on them.
[Wards area. Hours later.
"So he shot down your name ideas?" Spitfire asked taking a sip of her soda. Out of all the people Taylor had met, she was oddly most comfortable with the other new Ward, not having met Vista yet however. Spitfire was another shy girl who was content not be the first to say anything, though she was also the only Ward here in the middle of the day. She was scheduled to start Arcadia next week, something pushed back so that Taylor, and some others normal students, could be transferred in as well.
"Yeah, though to be fair most of them were off the top of my head. With my power set he narrowed it down to Weaver, or Skitter. I vetoed Skitter as it was too close to what Alucard mentioned and it sounds like a villain name. I tossed out Weaver too as it makes me sound a bit too much like a cloth tinker or something, or a spider girl." Taylor sighed.
"So what did you pick?" Spitfire asked
"Well one of the outfits was heavily into vampire and the other was heavily in the bug control, and it gave me an idea even though I didn't like the bug outfit that much. I could have used a butterfly name , but with the whole vampire thing I didn't think that worked even though butterflies are known to drink blood."
"What?" Spitfire asked.
"Butterflies drink blood. Also sweat, tears, sometimes poop, and other fluid like things depending on the amino acid and sodium levels they need. But since a butterfly brings up images of flitting around flower petals, I actually went with a name from a goth butterfly." Taylor explained.
"Goth butterfly?"Spitfire asked.
"A moth. Saturnia Pavonia, the small emperor moth. They're mostly found in Europe and the northern parts of Asia. But given I control bugs like an emperor would control armies and I'm pretty much nocturnal now I figured this would fit." Taylor pointed out taking a sit from the non descript bag she was given, though Spitfire could see the deep red through the straw. "So my cape name is going to be Saturnia."
"That is a very long and convoluted naming process." Spitfire offered.
"Says the girl named after an airplane with a costume to match." Taylor pointed out. " Both our names also point out our powers, but you have to know bugs to understand mine, and aviation or history to get yours."
"Fair enough." Spitfire shrugged." So when will they have your costume ready? They're looking to debut me first of March."
"Same time really, They may be debuting us together along with another girl named Baskerville." Taylor offered.
"Not met her yet, but I've heard about her from Druid." Spitfire offered going on to tell Taylor about the other new cape while they waited for any one else to need them for something.
PRT building, Cafeteria
Assault, Battery, Alucard, and Baskerville were sitting around in the main cafeteria eating lunch around the same table, save Baskerville who was in a corner feeding part of her lunch to a trio of dogs with her, when Assault put down his sandwich and stared into the middle distance.
"You ever get the feeling that you're not showing up as often as you should? Like you're a main character that some how got put on the back burner to introduce some new characters?" Assault hummed.
Alucard paused sipping from his blood bag, then frowned. "Yeeeeaaaah, now that you mention it." He hummed taking another sip of the blood through a six loop crazy straw. "That's completely unacceptable since I'm the main character and all that."
"Pffft you? No way, I'm the handsome and charming one here." Assault huffed. " Look at this jawline."
"Bah, you're part of the background comic relief, even Mouse Protector has more stage presence and she's a tiny thing." Alucard offered.
"Big talk from the edge-lord." Assault grinned. "You're like a secret character in a video game that they didn't have time to write all the lines out for so they just threw together some dark edgy story."
"Listen you makeup-less clown, my dark edginess is trademarked, thank you very much, and cannot be used in a game without my consent, so no I'm not, though that does sound like an awesome idea for a game."
"Both of you are idiots." Battery stated flatly.
Baskerville ignored them all finishing her lunch with the help of her dogs.
