Firstly I am SO SORRY that I haven't been updating. I've kinda lost my inspo because I wish I would've taken a different road with this one, but I'm gonna try to keep going because I hate when I get really into a fic and I'm left on a cliffhanger lol. Secondly… I've discovered Pose by SadBeautifulTragic08 on here and I absolutely fell in love! It's a beautifully written fic. But I've also had some PM's saying I was copying the story so I wanted to clarify that I didn't know that story existed until about a week ago. So I have no intention of stealing anyone else's work.
This chapter was kinda rushed, but I hope it's at least enough to satisfy you, lol. I'm trying to break everything down and see where I can take this story from here. Wish me luck lol.
Trigger warning: No specifics, but it is kinda sad…
Everyone stood still for a moment. "So… What now?" Olivia breathed out. She looked around at the men who occupied her office.
I'm going to cut it to you straight. Cragen spoke up, "Realistically this is a problem when it comes to your credibility." He took a beat. "It's not that I don't believe you or would ever question your story, but if 1PP got word of this they'd probably try to question every move you make from here on out."
Olivia's breath hitched. She hadn't even thought that far. They'd question everything from her beating him half to death to their time in the granary, but she's been cleared. They can't charge with anything. They can't retry the case. Can they? No… Olivia, you know how this works. They can't do that. But they can take your job. Everything you've worked for. You'll lose everyth-
"Liv…" Elliot's voice interrupted her thoughts. He could she her mind going a mile a minute. "I know what you're thinking, but we won't let that happen."
"How are you going to stop it?" Olivia looked up at him trying to hide her emotions.
"We'll figure it out, Olivia. Right now… We just want you to heal. That's all you should be worried about." Elliot said as he walked over to her to knelt beside the chair she was sitting in.
"I don't need to heal. I've moved past it. I've… Moved on. It's a non-factor in my life. I have my son. I have my job." She motions to her plaque that says Captain O. Benson. "I have… You." She reaches her hand out and rests it on his face.
Elliot wants more than anything to believe her, but the incident that happened just a few nights ago was running through his head. He knew she was still struggling. No matter the façade he knew the trauma was still fresh in her mind. "Hey, you guys mind giving us a minute?" He looked at Cragen and Fin.
"Yea, man." Fin figured Elliot knew more than him when it came to Olivia's feelings on the matter. "Babygirl… Let me know if you need anything?" He asked knowing that she'd never reach out, but hoping if all else fails she'd know that he was there.
Cragen stood up, "Same for me, Olivia. You know I always got your back, okay?" He gave a small nod. "I'll call you later?"
Olivia gave him a slight nod and thanked him for everything. "I'll talk to you later, Cap." The two men made their way out of the office and Elliot stood up to lean on her desk.
"Listen, Liv…" He took her hands in his. "I understand this is difficult, but you have to be honest with yourself. I know you're hurting."
Olivia let out a heavy breath and tears started to pool in her eyes. "El… I don't want to go back there. I don't know if I can… It'll- It'll break me." Elliot stood tall and grabbed her hand to make her stand up. "Come here." He said as he led her to the couch in her office.
"It won't break you, Olivia. You have all the support in the world. You have your squad, you have Cragen, you have Noah and you have me. You know as well as I do that I wasn't there when you needed me, but I'm here now and I'm not leaving."
Olivia let out a sob and Elliot pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm not leaving you. We're going to fight this together, okay?" Olviia let out another sob in response, but Elliot needed to know that she knew he wasn't leaving so he asked again, "Okay?"
A barely audible "Okay" came from Olivia's lips.
"Can I take you home?" Elliot asked while rubbing the back of her head. She only responded with a nod. She was grateful for Elliot. She was grateful for how he helped her be vulnerable. She was grateful that she had someone to help carry the burdens she was feeling. This was a new feeling for her, but she was grateful.
Elliot let her go so he could grab her stuff. "Give me a minute to get myself together?" She asked as she wiped the remaining tears on her face.
"Yea, of course. I'll go get the car and meet you out front."
"Okay." She stood up and started walking to the little nook she had in her office, but stopped before she reached the sink. "Elliot…?" He turned to look at her, "Thank you…" He gave a grin, "You don't have to thank me. I'm here because I want to be. Because I love you." She felt herself wanting to cry again, but fought against it. "I love you too, El." With that she made her way to the nook to fix herself up before she had to face her squad.
Elliot and Olivia made their way into her apartment and Olivia immediately walked into her bedroom. "I'm going to make you some tea. That okay?"
"Yea, that's fine. Thank you." She called out as she started to undress and made her way to the bathroom. "I'm gonna take a quick shower. I'll only be a minute."
She turned the water on as hot as it would go and hoped in. She felt like this entire day drained her and it wasn't even 10am yet. All the events ran through her head as she let the hot water spray her. Everything from the first and second Lewis encounter to the three men that confronted her about it only an hour ago in her office. Then the thought of the truth coming to light. What would happen to her? WIll she lose her job for lying? Would people question her every move now? What about Noah? What about the survivors she faces everyday. How can she convince them that the shame was not theirs to carry when she walked around carrying hers?
She was brought out of her thoughts by the cold breeze that hit her. She knew Elliot was standing at the door. "Yes, El?" He didn't respond. "You come for a show?" He let out a chuckle. "No, but you've been in here for about 20 minutes. I had to make sure you didn't melt down the drain."
"No, I'm still here." Elliot could hear the smile in her voice. "Well good, because I wouldn't make it without you." He said as he exited and let the door close behind him.
Olivia took a breath and began washing her body. She hadn't realized how long she had actually been in the shower, but the way her fingertips were becoming mush told her that Elliot was right so she rinsed off and got out. She caught a glimpse of herself in the foggy mirror and it made her heart break all over again. She looked drained. She looked like she was one minor event away from falling apart completely. She truly didn't know how much more she could take. She couldn't bear to look at herself anymore so she grabbed her towel and made her way to the bedroom where Elliot was waiting for her at the foot of her bed.
"You feeling better?" Elliot asked, handing her the cup of tea. She took a moment before answering because the phrase 'I'm fine' almost slipped out of habit. "You want me to be honest?" She raised her brow.
"Of course, Liv. I always want you to be open with me." He said, guiding her to her side of the bed and pulling the blankets back.
"No… I don't feel better. I don't feel okay and I don't know if I ever will." All of her feelings spilled out of her. "And… I don't know if I'm good enough for you to fight this hard for." A few tears spilled out of her eyes.
Elliot was taken aback by her admission. He knew she was struggling, but he didn't think she was struggling this much. "Babe… don't you EVER…" He stopped trying to find the words because it seemed like nothing he said was getting through to her. "Olivia…" he made his way around the bed so he could truly be face to face with her. "I don't want you EVER questioning whether you're worth my time. Worth my effort. If anything I should be feeling that way."
"Elliot you don't get it. I'm broken. I'm ruined. I-"
"Olivia, stop." He pulled her into his embrace and rested his chin on her head. "I know my words aren't reaching, but I will never stop telling how much you mean to me and I'll make it my life's goal to get it through this thick skull of yours." He let out a little chuckle. "Whether you want to believe it or not, you are worth the world and I'll tell you, show you, whatever I have to do to make you see it yourself." He sealed his promise with a forehead kiss. "You're my world, Olivia Benson and I intend on making you see it."
Olivia didn't say anything. She found herself at a loss for words so she just nodded against him. "I love you." Elliot whispered in her ear. "I love you too, El…. Forever."
So I know… that was quite short… I'm sorry. I promise I am trying, but maybe let me know where you want to see me take this story. It might spike my inspiration. Leave a review if you'd like. Thanks for reading!
