Chapter 14

Phoebe's POV…

It was strange, at first, being Jerome Valeska's girlfriend, I couldn't get used to kissing him, but as time passed, I realized that nothing had really changed between us. We were still always together, walking hand in hand around the circus grounds or sometimes we seemed to step as if of one body. Jerome would walk with his arm around my shoulders or my waist, my arm would be just the same around him, and the way he kissed me, soon everyone knew of the change in our relationship status. He would kiss my cheek, kiss my hands, shoulders, throat, but most often my forehead and my lips. Sometimes, they were passionate like that night behind my trailer, sometimes slow, but most always they were sweet.

I began to get a thrill just by kissing him and when he looked at me, I knew he did too. Yet, in those first weeks as Jerome's girl I noticed a change came over me, one that I liked, unlike everyone else. I had always dressed simple until then, but for Jerome, I began to want to look my best for him. I had always worn the clothes my mother left behind, mostly because my father didn't give me much choice, but with Jerome, suddenly, I noticed that I was in fact beautiful. I wore dresses with necklines that plunged, so Jerome couldn't stop looking at me, skirts that showed off my legs, and I even began to wear makeup.

Everyone started to look at me, even my father and my uncles, and that was why at first Jerome didn't like it either. We were walking on the edge of the circus grounds when he looked at me with a pained expression that instantly bothered me.

"Something wrong?" I said, we were holding hands, our hands swinging between us.

He stopped almost immediately moving a strand of curly hair out of my face.

"You looking to be somebody else's girl, Phoebes?" said Jerome, his voice sounded pained too.

"What? No, Jerome, no…what would make you think that?" I exclaimed touching his face feeling as he touched the curve of my hip.

"You're beautiful, Phoebes, and you're flaunting it. You're wearing makeup, curling your hair, and dressing pretty every day. All eyes are on you. There was a time when only mine were" whispered Jerome, I understood what he was thinking the more he spoke, so much so that taking his face in my hands, I made him look at me.

"Don't you see, Jerome, this isn't for anyone, but you" I whispered kissing him then with the kind of passion he had taught me.

My hands were in his hair, his own hard against the small of my back, and when his tongue swept against my bottom lip, I opened right up for him.

"You've always been a beauty to me, Phoebes, you didn't need to change, don't you know that?" said Jerome, our foreheads touching in a tender moment of surrender.

"I know…it feels good though, I like it. Getting all dressed up for you, wearing lipstick that stains your lips and your cheek when I kiss you. It feels good to know you'll always like me either way, but I do like the way your eyes run over me when you see me all dolled up just for you" I whispered wrapping my arms around him as we walked again.

I knew he understood me by the smile he wore as we walked together. His lips kissed my forehead as he held me close, the sun going down behind us, and we were at peace as the drums began signaling that the show was about to begin.

"Phoebes, you are my girl…you always will be…just…don't ever forget that" whispered Jerome, the comment came out of nowhere as we were walking in the dark.

I brought myself to stand in front of him then as I kissed his jaw before seeming to trace it with my fingers.

"Jerome, I've been your girl since the moment we met. I love you, you know that, and I don't care if you feel the same or say it back, so don't freak out like last time. I love you though, so I'm not going anywhere or forgetting anything, ever" I said it with a hardness to my voice.

I know those three words would make him squirm and they did, but everything else I said seemed to lesson it. My fingers were laced behind his neck as he held my hips as we looked at each other in that moment with a certain wicked mischief that we had created in the few weeks. Jerome kissed me, a brief touching of two pairs of lips was all it was, but as he did, he leaned down his hands leaving my hips to grab my ass. We had never done anything but kiss, yet every time he did that, it always made me feel the same.

It was like a thrill would go through me that only increased when he went lower to hoist me into his arms. We were kissing still as Jerome started to carry me across the circus grounds. My legs were clamped around his waist keeping me close to him, yet when I drew away, he stopped altogether.

"You want me to stop and put you down?" said Jerome, his lips immediately descending to mark my throat.

I covered the hickeys he left with makeup, but that only encouraged him to leave more.

"No, I want to be alone with you, Jerome. Let's go somewhere" I exclaimed my fingers were in his hair, a moan of something leaving me as he started to move again.

We had made out before, spent hours at a time kissing, and touching with no end in his trailer, in the woods, and sometimes, in the back of Mr. Cicero's car. That night, we ended up in his trailer on the couch, and the moment he sat down with me in his arms, everything else was forgotten. Jerome slanted his mouth over mine, my arms were around his neck still as I straddled him. I could feel the effect I was having on him, but he had never pushed me to go that far in our relationship.

Jerome had always been patient, at least, so far. I was grateful for that especially as I remembered how he had been once with those other girls. I knew someday that we would be that way, but I wasn't ready for that yet. I thought he knew that and that he also knew that he made me feel just the same way. Yet, on that day, he took me by surprise.

Suddenly, Jerome stood up with me in his arms, and laying me on the couch, soon after, I was underneath him.

"Jerome?" I said his name on a breath, my hands reaching for him.

They brought him back to me, my legs naturally seeming to part, so he could lie in between them.

"I want you, Phoebes" whispered Jerome kissing me with a desperation that I matched.

"Kiss me, Jerome" I whispered our lips meeting and parting before meeting again.

His hands were touching me now, groping my breasts through my dress as his other hand lifted the skirt until it was wrapped around my waist.

"Jerome?" I said his name on a moan.

That was the first time he touched me there, his hand coming to cup my sex through the fabric of my panties. When he felt the wetness there, he looked down on me with a particular heat in his stare, and immediately , I grabbed the back of his neck. On instinct, I seemed to grind my body into his, my mind spinning as he just held me there at first, as if to gently stoke the fire within me.

Yet, when he lifted his hand as our lips hurried together in a flurry of kisses, I thought he only meant to return to my breast, but instead, his hand moved between us. That was when everything seemed to stop, and I knew this was going too far. As I realized that, my mind seemed to snap together, and my hands moved to push him away.

"Stop" I exclaimed, Jerome didn't, when I looked at him, I knew he was in a daze.

"Jerome! I said stop, now" I said it more firmly now my hands roughly pushing him away until he fell back against the couch cushions.

Jerome's pants were open, but I barely noticed that as I worked to fix myself. When my clothes were decent, I ran out of that trailer, and Jerome didn't follow me. I didn't see him again until the next day. Like every other fight we'd ever had, he showed up at my trailer, and when he knocked on the door, I almost didn't answer the door. It wasn't that I felt violated, it was that I'd lost trust in him, and I think he knew that the second he laid eyes on me once the door swung open.

"Phoebe?" said Jerome, he said my name differently now.

I walked right past him not even bothering to close the door. He followed immediately after me, barely keeping up with me until suddenly he did, and grabbing my arm, he brought us to a halt.

"Phoebes, listen, about yesterday—" exclaimed Jerome, I freed myself from him almost immediately.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say about yesterday. You crossed a line, Jerome" I exclaimed crossing my arms over my chest finding in that moment that I couldn't look at him.

He didn't try to make me either.

"Would you have just had your way with me like that, Jerome, without any type of consent? I don't know what to think of you anymore" I whispered finally looking him in the eye.

I knew by the look on his face that he didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, Phoebes, I swear, I thought it was what you wanted. You acted as if you…you responded like all the others always did" exclaimed Jerome, yet, when I stepped closer until I was directly in his face, we stared each other down.

"All those other girls, Jerome, did they go with other boys before you? Or were you the first?" I snapped, I had never wanted to strike Jerome, but on that day, I was very tempted.

"I didn't think about that, Phoebes, I got caught up in the moment…it'll never happen again" whispered Jerome, he held my shoulders now as he pulled me into his chest.

I still hadn't looked at him, but I could tell he wanted me to.

"I'll never cross that line again, Phoebe, not until you want me to" whispered Jerome, I chose that moment to look at him.

I wanted to believe him, but once that bloom of doubt had entered my mind, it didn't want to go away.

"I won't give you another chance if this happens again, Jerome. It can't happen again and you're going to have to earn back the trust I had in you" I whispered finally looking at him.

This was exactly what I hadn't wanted. I'd worried that this relationship we'd begun would ruin us and it had already started. I think he knew that, for when he hugged me, I didn't hug him back right away. It made Jerome look down at me, our eyes peered into each other, and after a moment, he tried to kiss me. At the last moment though, I turned my head, so he bypassed my lips in favor of my cheek. We walked hand in hand still, but it would be a while before I let him kiss me again.