A/N

Ah, yes, September First! Do you know what that means? Hogwarts! Have a great term. *clears throat* I know I have a Sirius problem. I hope you enjoy, and this story will probably receive edits so.. enjoy. Thank you for reading my ramblings.


And Maybe, Just Maybe

Maybe, she should've gone to breakfast that morning, and the morning before, and— and maybe she would've eliminated a suspicion by indulging going to lunch, like she hadn't for weeks. And maybe, just maybe, it was a strong possibility she would never have ended up like this if she had just gone to dinner after classes, if she hadn't ran when he threw his friends off and tried running after her.

Maybe if she had never screamed at him, calling him a blood traitour and screeching that it was people like him and her family that made her life difficult because they already seemed to have made her choices for her, and they didn't get her, nor wanted to. He probably wanted to see her dead.

Maybe she never should have stayed that night all those months ago when he stumbled upon her in the Restricted Section, both of them feeding each other lies on why they were there, never reporting one another. Maybe she should've tried better when hiding her tears, not letting him see the dark circles under her eyes. And she knew better than to let him shuffle closer to her, whispering reassurance she didn't know him capable of. And she never should have allowed them to study together, after dinner, in their corner of the Restricted Section. Then, came the deep talks, and the hurt, and— but something else too.

And maybe, just maybe, she never should have let herself fall for him.

Maybe it had been a small crush, someone seemed to care about her. Care? Care was a feeling she hadn't felt for years, not since her mum hugged her bye on the Hogwarts Express for the first time. And maybe, maybe she got care from her older sister. But maybe, it was possible that that care wasn't care, it was just pity.

Then she thought that maybe, just possibly, maybe, it was infatuation. She had been infatuated with people before for their popularity throughout the school, she had followed her sister for three years trying to get her to notice her. People had scoffed at her, calling her a poor dog, asking if she lost her owner. She had even been infatuated by Lucius Malfoy, from the two times she had ever met him ,properly. His stare, his blond hair, charm, the power and money he radiated. She couldn't help infatuating over people, from their popularity, to an infatuated desire on their power.

But, she didn't have a crush. She wasn't infatuated by him. She didn't even hate him, not anymore, at least. She could never hate him, no matter how much she wanted to.

Nothing would get rid of her nausea, nor the nerves he gave her. Nothing would ever erase his smile from her head, the way he barked out a laugh like a dog. Nothing would purge his words, telling her she always had a choice, that her insults were to only protect her from others.

He ignored when she had called him . . . that thing.

He was so different to her than others.

Maybe she should have fought harder, when he trapped her in an empty classroom, demanding to see the Mark she would never be able to burn from her flesh. She had argued with him, snapping that if he wanted to be an Auror that then, was his chance to look good for the Ministry. He had yelled over her. She had screamed for him to turn her in, to Dumbledore, the Ministry, someone, anyone. She went as far as saying he could kill her. He had stopped, before whispering that she had a choice, she always had a choice.

He had pulled her sleeve back down, a look of disgust in his grey eyes. At the Mark, not her, never at her. He was disgusted by the Mark, and the choices she had felt forced upon her. And she was guilty, and living in self loathing.

When she had finally realized she had fallen for him, she knew he would never accept her.

It had finally come time to pick up Muggle habits.

She ran from him like cold turkey. She tried Charms to throw him off her trail. She avoided him like the plague of the thirteen hundreds. Which, he didn't understand the gap between them, or the reference she had had one of his friends give him.. And she felt as though every corner she rounded around, he was there, trying to catch her.

It was like he had the senses of a dog.

And now, here they were, her back pressing against a bookshelf. His hands on the shelf behind her, arms trapping her in place, his warm breath ghosting across her face.

She never should have gone to the library over dinner. She never should have walked down this aisle, letting her fingers glide softly along the books, her heart steady, the nausea forgotten. It was too peaceful, her mind calm.

But then, it had all made sense, clicking into place like the pieces of a puzzle.

With refluxes she didn't know were humanly possible, he had darted from the shadows, pinning her to the shelf. She hadn't seen him at all, it was as though he had just appeared from the dark.

And now, he was here. He was right in front of her.

"Sirius," she whispered, fear gripping her chest, making her feel sick. "Please, let me go," she begged, her blue eyes pleading with him.

In her eyes, you could see hurt, loss, and rejection. Her shields were broken, he had crumbled them long ago.

"Why. Why are you avoiding me?" Sirius had leaned forward, their faces inches apart, his breath shaky.

Jade Everest swallowed, looking away from him. The sun had set, and now the moon shone brightly outside the windows.

She couldn't answer him, he would hate her, call her disgusting. She couldn't bare the thought of him looking at her like he looked at the serpent on her left forearm.

"It's something, clearly," he growled, his body pressing into hers.

Jade inhaled sharply, catching a whiff of fresh air, rain water, and something stronger and masculine. Her head felt like it was spinning, he smelled wonderful.

"Jade," Sirius was in her ear now.

"Mmm," she murmured.

Sirius stamped his foot, his lips pressed in a thin line.

First, she stared at his beautiful grey eyes. But then, her eyes slid down, focusing on his lips. Jade knew her eyes lingered a second too long, but she was finally able to meet his piercing gaze again, after giving herself a mental shake.

It was a bad idea, this was Sirius Black, supposedly Hogwarts' heartbreaker, womanizer, libertine, playboy— yeah. But if he noticed, he didn't give any indication.

"Why in Merlin's name are you avoiding me?" Sirius had leaned back, the moonlight falling across half his face.

Jade now realized the library was closed, had he hidden her? She narrowed her eyes on his face. How long had he been following her?

Sirius huffed, the hot air fanning her face. Had he eaten apple pie? Without her.

"It's nothing of importance, Sirius," she finally said, looking back out the window. In all honesty, it was important, important to her, but not enough, she supposed.

"I don't believe you," replied Sirius crossing his arms over his chest, his face scrunched in a frown, "and it obviously involves me. Now, what is it."

Jade sighed, "drop it, Black."

Sirius spluttered at the use of his sir name coming from her lips. "B-B-Black?" His hands flew up wildly, "okay, Everest."

Jade felt it, a small pang of grief when he said that, she loved how he said her name, she wanted to hear him say her middle name.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, a tear finding its lonesome way down her cheek.

Sirius didn't make a move to wipe it away.

"I don't think we can be friends."

"Why not?" He had stepped back, his frown deepening.

Jade didn't like it, and knowing she was the cause of it made things worse for her.

"I'm not a good person. I've done horrible. . . stuff, I'm not even out of school. I don't have anything but darkness in me. I'm not a good person, Sirius. I study dark things and I want to pursue them. You know that, don't give me that look. I don't have anything but bad wishes for most. I've only ever been mean and hateful toward you and your friends for. . . seven years. I insulted you for being better than me, but we both know my thinking is being ruined. Blood traitour? It means you broke free from the darkness. Sirius, I don't deserve friends. I called my mum a m-m-mudblood over Christmas break. My. Mum," Jade was sure that most of what had spewed from her mouth had been nonsense and cheesy, but she didn't care, she was crying and she couldn't remember why.

"Jade," Sirius began, stepping away from her, holding his hands up.

"No," Jade spun, clutching the shelf so tight that her knuckles turned white, "please, my mother wouldn't let me say this. Please, Sirius, it's still wrong, how I acted. I'm sorry, I apologize," there were tears, and they didn't want to stop, "I don't think I want to be a bad person?" She hiccuped, "I don't know any other way. I didn't mean to."

Neither of them moved, the darkness enveloping them in its cold embrace, moonlight barely shining through a window nearby, Sirius within arms reach of her. Jade's silent sobs hardly heard, even by the one nearest.

Jade could feel his eyes on her, those eyes she longed to count the specs of brown in.

Finally, Sirius moved, his fingers touching the strands of hair that had fallen in her face ever so gently. "I forgave you long ago," he murmured softly, "and it's more insulting when you put filthy before it."

"When you turned your back, I—"

"Shhh. So, why are you avoiding me?"

Jade repressed a groan, he was persistent, she'd give him that.

"Is it something you can show me?" Sirius asked this in a casual manner, his face still holding the lingering frown.

Jade gasped. "We need to go."

She tried walking down the aisle, and almost succeeded in getting away, making it toward the end. A hand shot out, grabbing her wrist.

"Jade? Please," Sirius' voice was pleading with her, pleading for her not to go.

Maybe she never should have turned, then, she never would've seen his eyes, large and desperate. He was like her, rejected and forced to pick up the broken pieces as he went, stumbling and falling, trying to make sense of right and wrong, good and evil. You didn't know who you could trust, but you had to trust someone. And maybe those broken pieces had to come together, to trust, falling but standing, one dark and one light. Maybe, but just maybe.

And Jade surged forward, grabbing him by the shoulders and forcing him back against the shelf he had had her trapped against earlier, her lips crashing down on his.

And that was the bravest thing Jade Celeste Everest had ever done in her life, probably.

There had been no sly plan behind this action, the Slytherin in her, left at the end of the aisle.

After a moment of hesitation, Sirius began reciprocating, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer, his fingers tangling in her hair.

Jade finally pulled back to stare into his eyes, he was giving her a genuine smile.

"I was investigating," he said innocently.

She giggled, letting her eyes flutter shut as she leaned up, her lips finding the corner of his mouth, where they lingered for just a second longer than they should have.

Neither of them noticed, though.

Her hand found its way from his shoulder , the tips of her fingers gently brushing against his face as she continued kissing him, something she could do for the rest of her life. She wanted to know every pattern there was to trace, every curve to the angles of his face.

Jade pulled back, poking him on the tip of his nose.

Sirius blinked.

Jade giggled again. "Dork," she teased.

Sirius pulled her back, lifting her feet from the ground. "Is there any way that can get cross contaminated with you?" He asked, spinning her around and effectively switching their positions.

Jade shook her head as her giggles were stifled by Sirius.

He could keep doing this, kissing her, he means.

As Jade leaned back in the bookshelf, Sirius pressed against her, his hands in her hair and mouth exploiting her, she couldn't help but think that maybe. Maybe, just maybe this was right. And maybe, maybe they were meant to be.

He pulled away to breathe.

Jade blinked her eyes open. "We need to go to bed," she murmured against his shoulder.

"Bed?"

"Separate beds."

"Maybe."

"No."

Sirius gave her puppy eyes. "I was just going to say, maybe I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow," he mumbled.

Jade took his hand in hers, "and maybe, I'll give you a little wave."

And maybe, just maybe, they'll survive this war.