DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.
Please find the full disclaimers in the beginning of Chapter 1.
Chapter 2
Jane had lost her appetite, but she knew she needed to eat. She would certainly need a beer – or two – but she knew she would not risk drinking on an empty stomach considering her current state of mind.
When the doorbell rang, Jane went to pick up the food, but realized it was Maura, carrying the food Jane had ordered.
"I found the delivery boy downstairs..." Maura explained, handing Jane the food.
When Jane picked the food from Maura's hand, Maura noticed Jane's hand was shaking, and eyeing Maura with an expression of relief on her face.
"Are you okay?"
"I was worried about you… It was late and you were not replying to my texts…" Jane admitted, quietly.
"I am sorry. It is not that late, and I got distracted…"
"It is fine, not your fault, it is just that..." Jane swallowed hard. It was just that her mind had gone back to almost a year ago, to Maura's supposed death.
"It is not fine if it makes you feel this worried, Jane..." Maura replied gently, observing Jane, placing a hand on her forearm as if to steady her.
Jane motioned for her to enter, noticing the stress that was also etched in every single one of Maura's features.
Jane's hunger forgotten for good, she placed the food by the kitchen aisle, then took Maura by the hand, and guided her to sit on the sofa. "Sit." When Maura was sitting, Jane continued. "Speak."
Jane could see Maura's fists closed as if she was trying to control herself, the knuckles white with the effort, and all alarm bells began to sound in her mind.
"Maura?"
To the sound of her name, Maura sobbed. And her emotions seemed so raw that Jane immediately moved to sit by her side, passing an arm around her, while Maura curled her legs underneath her and hid her face in the crook of Jane's neck.
Jane was at a loss of what might have caused such a visceral reaction in Maura. She rubbed her hand up and down Maura's back, offering comfort while the emotional explosion took its course.
Jane knew Maura's life had been stressful lately. First, Hope's murder, then Maura being shot and almost dying, being put in WitSec against her will. Finally, having been released from WitSec just to find herself still living an alternative identity – away from Boston and moving into DC.
For someone who could not lie, it was a constant source of stress.
Having Jane around have helped – Jane would twist things a little to make them fit in a non-lie definition that Maura could live with. But Jane knew Maura, her scientific mind, and knew the stress was accumulating little by little. Jane just had not realized it had been so close to exploding. With the secrecy, Maura could not even use therapy without lying, so whatever Jane had not noticed, nobody else would likely have noticed as well.
When Jane finally felt Maura's sobs subsiding, Jane knew she needed some answers.
Jane extended her long arm for the box of tissues, handing them to Maura.
"Will you tell me what happened?" Jane asked, gently.
Maura pushed a bit from Jane, drying her tears on a tissue, and sighing tiredly.
"I just came from a surprise birthday party."
Jane knotted her eyebrows, not understanding.
"A surprise birthday party for me, because today is Dory's birthday."
'Oh, fuck…', Jane thought… It would be comical if it was not tragic… And she now understood why Dean had come back with a puzzled smile on his face. He had likely heard the celebration, associated the dates he knew from her documents, and figured it would have gotten to Maura in more than one sense.
Jane hesitated for a moment, but decided that some humor might help.
"Jeez… What kind of best friend am I, Dory? I completely forgot it was your birthday… I am sooooo sorry…" Jane added, in a theatrical voice, and Maura threw a crumpled tissue at Jane, finally chuckling a bit amidst her tears, and Jane kissed her temple.
"What did they do?"
"By the end of the day… they showed up with a cupcake with a candle for me to blow while they sang Happy Birthday… just the three closest people I interact with. And then they produced some bubbly wine, a nice charcuterie board, and stuff they had hidden in the fridges. They were nice… And I hope they confused my surprised face with the surprise for their surprise, not a surprise because I didn't even remember it was my birthday…"
"Well, we can always argue you are weird and forgot about your birthday…" Jane teased, gently, and Maura slapped her weakly on the arm.
"I am not weird!"
Jane took Maura's hands in hers.
"No, you are not. But there is more to it than just the surprise birthday party, isn't it?" Jane asked.
Maura sighed, and nodded, her face crumpling again.
"Living this lie is tearing me apart, Jane. I feel like I am living with multiple personalities. When you called me by my name now, it felt like home… The only time I feel I am myself is when I am with you…"
"You know you can always decide to resuscitate Maura Isles for good, Maura. Dean is one phone call away…"
"I know. But we also know I have a number on my head. Last time we went to Boston, between Christmas and New Year's, you remember what Frankie shared having heard from Rondo…"
Jane recalled. It seemed the mob wars were quiet, but they really were not. They were dormant, what was a very different thing.
"Yes, I know…" Jane sighed, shaking her head. "What would you like to do?"
"I am not sure anymore … The one thing I know is that I will do everything I can to remain safe. The empty bravado from when we first learned about who my dad was is now gone. I learned my lesson the hard way..." Maura unconsciously moved her hand to the back of her head, where only she and Jane knew the places where hair would never grow again due to the scarring from the shot that had almost costed her ability to move and her life a year earlier.
Jane was internally relieved. She knew that if Maura ever decided to resuscitate Maura's real identity, she would have a bull's eye on her forehead. And because the menace was not a person that could be arrested, but an endless organization, it was pointless to assume it could be caught.
But she also knew that it meant this duality, this lie, would continue for as long as Maura lived. And it was a heavy weight for Maura to carry around.
"You should eat… Your food is already cold." Maura stood as if to move next door.
"Stay. I know you already ate in your birthday party, but we can at least keep each other's company."
"I am not really good company today..." Maura knew she was in a funky mood.
"You are always the best company. Always, do you hear me? I will take your funky mood head on, any day, because that means you are alive and you are here with me." Jane stood, placing her hands on Maura's shoulders, and waited until Maura looked up at her, before steering her to sit again.
Maura could see the urgency on Jane's tone of voice, and recognized how on edge Jane had been with her delay. She sighed, feeling guilty for causing Jane's distress.
