DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.

Please find the full disclaimers in the beginning of Chapter 1.


Chapter 5

They spent the following week in their usual routines.

There were no unusual delays from Maura to cause any scare or concern on Jane.

But both had been reflecting and digesting on what they had talked about.

As the following Friday approached, the day of their next "shrink session" date, both began to feel a bit more anxious.

On one hand, they hoped the other would forget about it.

On the other, they were kind of looking forward to the opportunity of safely probing a deep further for things they still didn't know about themselves and about the other.

In the end, it was Jane who felt she needed to be the big girl. She knew Maura had been hurting. She had seen Maura's explosion last week with Dory's birthday celebration. If talking about things would help Maura, Jane would be there for her, no matter how much it could cost Jane.

"Hey, are we up for our session tonight?" Jane texted as she arrived home from boxing, glad to see Maura's car already parked in the garage.

"Come on over, I have food and drinks for us. And if you are up to it, we can resume our session."

Jane dropped her duffle bag inside the door of her own apartment, and moved to the next door. This was such a convenient arrangement, and it gave her so much peace of mind…

She knocked, and Maura opened. They both had keys, but living side by side, unless it was an emergency or a pre-arranged silent entrance, they always knocked or ringed the bell.

"How was your day?" Jane asked, as she always did, inspecting Maura. Maura's well-being had always been a top priority for Jane. But since all that had happened a year ago, it had been first and foremost on Jane's mind.

"Busy, productive. I was able to close one of the five cases we've been grueling with, and it felt good. But I am ready for the weekend." Maura replied, a calm smile on her face, offering Jane a beer while she picked her own glass of wine. "I hope Thai is okay…" Maura asked, and Jane nodded hungrily before Maura divided the food in their respective plates.

"What about your day?"

"The usual. No consulting cases this week, so it was just the regular classes with the cadets, and the classes for refreshing field agents. And although I love to catch the cadets in little traps, getting the agents in those tongue traps is priceless." Jane smiled a mischievous smile. "And we do that in good sports, most of them had been in contact after the training whenever they face interesting situations." Jane replied in between eating and sipping her beer.

After they finished, they quickly did the dishes, and moved to the sofa, replenishing their drinks.

"So, Dr. Freud. Did you have time to think this last week?"

"Oh yes… I did a lot of thinking…" Maura agreed. It was the truth.

"Do you think this helped? Should we continue doing it?" Jane offered. She knew that last week Maura had been vulnerable, and she didn't want to continue with this if Maura didn't feel it was helping her somehow.

"It helped me immensely, Jane, even if it was to organize my scattered thoughts in a way that makes more sense. Did it help you?"

"It did provoke a lot of thinking." Jane admitted. "And I am game to keep going if you are."

"I am."

"So why don't you start? You interrupted your thought process when we talked about Cailin and then you shifted the focus to me."

"Well… Once I arrived home, I called you. I knew you were in classes, but I didn't want to leave a message or text, and I figured you would realize it was urgent for me to call. When you called me back a few minutes late, just seeing your face on the screen of my phone when it rang and hearing your voice gave me comfort. I could not wait for you to arrive. I was so hurt, and confused, I really wanted you there with me. Your mother arrived, and she was in mama bear protective mode, she cared for me as if I was the most precious being in the world."

"You are the most precious being in the world." Jane said, and blushed realizing she had just blurted that out loud.

Maura looked at her and opened her mouth to speak, but decided for cataloguing it for later and proceeded with her tale.

"She wanted to go with me to the airport, but I explained I was waiting for you to go with me to the morgue and to the precinct for my statement. So I thanked her, and I left. The person entering my car was the fastest thing ever. I was looking at a traffic light one moment, the next someone was slipping into my car through the door behind me, and before I could process or scream or ask anything, the next thing was a combination of this loud noise, a strong pressure pushing me forward, unbelievable pain, and darkness." Maura shuddered, and Jane had goosebumps in her arms.

"I woke up completely lost in time and space. The fact that the room was sterile, completely white, and that everywhere I looked there was a man in a dark suit didn't help. I couldn't move my body, although I did have a strong pins and needles feeling on some members. And the pain… It was horrible. I wanted it to stop. I could barely speak, I think it was because they had intubated me before, and I kept asking for you. I was sure there would be no way something would have happened to me, and you would not be there when I woke up. I was in and out of consciousness for I have no idea how long, but every time I remember being awake, I called your name." Maura shook her head. "I could not understand what was going on, and nobody tried to explain at first. It was surreal. At first, I thought I had been abducted. Then I thought that I was dead and in some type of limbo or hell. But after what should have been days, I finally was keeping conscious for long enough for them to begin to fill me in."

"But what they told me was so absurd, that I refused to accept or believe it. I kept asking to see you. I was in pain. I was confused. I wanted you. I knew you would explain to me in a way I could understand. I knew you would do what was best for me even if I couldn't decide it for myself. I knew you would save me, protect me." Maura realized she had been crying.

"That was when they gave me the reality check. They told me that I was dead for you and for everyone else who ever met me…" Maura said, pain in her voice, shaking her head.

"I was so mad, Jane… I couldn't move yet, but they had to sedate me, because I was in a fit... I screamed, and I cried, and I could hear every monitor equipment beeping through the roof. I didn't want to live if that meant being alone and isolated. Not again. Not how I had lived most of my life…"

Maura observed Jane had her fists closed, trying to hold back her own tears.

"I could have been there... I was sitting at home drinking myself to death..." Jane muttered.

"You didn't know, Jane. Nobody did. Or nobody who mattered did… And I gave up. In the sense of… It didn't matter any longer. If I was dead to the world already, it didn't matter what they did about me any longer. I didn't care. I completely tuned them off."

Jane was taken aback. It was so unlikely of Maura to give up control on anything. She was always the proactive, prepared, planned person.

"Oh Maura, I had no idea… I wish I found out earlier, so I could have been there earlier for you…"

"Whenever they tried to talk to me, to address me, I would always ask for you, Jane. I think for a while they might have thought I had lost my mind. But I couldn't care less. As soon as they realized I could drag my body around, even if slowly and painfully, with crutches, they shipped me to that God forbidden farm. In a way it was great, because they were not there all the time. I would lay on that bed, and pretend nothing had happened, pretend I was really dead, pretend it didn't hurt as much as it did to be all alone again. And then the infection came, and the fever. And instead of worrying that I would die of sepsis, I relished it. Because the delirium meant I at least saw you. And sepsis meant I would be free of all that pain sooner rather the later…"

Maura watched as Jane dried her tears. She remembered Maura telling her, the first night she was conscious, that it was the first night Maura had wanted to live. But only now Jane was understanding the real dimension of what Maura meant.

"The day you showed up… When I woke up, and my delirium version of you was talking to me, giving me water and medicines, holding me, and caring for me… I was sure I was dead, or dying, because it was so different than how I had felt until then… But I felt relieved I was going to die in peace because you were there with me, even if I knew it was only a product of my delirium, I was not going to die alone, I was with my favorite person in this whole world…"