The last place she thought she'd see Austin Moon again is at the house of a random classmate in one of her electives junior year of college. But here he is, yawning as he emerges from what must be his room, shirtless and scowling, while Elliot starts to introduce him.

"Ally Dawson?" Austin interrupts, his scowl melting into a confused frown.

"You know each other?" Elliot asks, looking between them.

"We went to high school together," Ally replies, giving Austin a small smile.

"Did you just say Ally Dawson?" She would recognize Dez Wade's voice anywhere. And sure enough, the redhead pokes his head out of another room, and his face breaks into a huge grin. "Ally!" he says as he rushes over. He wraps her in a huge hug, picking her up and spinning her around while she giggles.

"So you all know each other," Elliot says.

"Ally's the one who introduced me to Carrie," Dez says, his smile widening. "She was captain of the cheer team before Carrie quit."

Elliot opens his mouth, but before he can say whatever he was going to, Austin speaks up, "I thought you went to Harvard."

"And I thought you were moving to L.A. to become a rockstar," she replies, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Touché."

Elliot starts inviting Ally over more as finals approach. She ends up an integral member of their roommate game nights, and she starts bringing Trish along after meeting Jace, the fourth roommate. Although they still have an odd number, because Austin never plays with them. In fact, she barely sees Austin after that first time.

He always tended to keep to himself in high school, so she isn't necessarily surprised that he spends so much time locked in his room. But for some reason, she gets the weird feeling that he's avoiding her. More than once, he's been out in the living room with his roommates and then immediately left as soon as she arrived. She's not one to let little things like that get to her, but she thought they were sort of friends back in high school. Maybe she was wrong.

Elliot invites Ally and Trish to the boys' end-of-year house party, and Trish leaves Ally's side as soon as they arrive and get drinks. Although considering how things have been going with Trish and Jace, Ally can't exactly blame her. As the party goes on, Ally wishes she was having as much fun as Trish probably is. But instead, a drunk Elliot is following her around like a lost puppy and talking her ear off. She likes hanging out with him, but it's getting to be a little much. So when they're in the back yard, she makes up an excuse about going to the bathroom and heads to the living room, grabbing another drink on the way, just to get a break.

When she sees Austin standing in the corner of the room, she flashes back to every single high school party she went to, where he would do the exact same thing. She may have had a tiny crush on him back then and would always make it her mission to get him to leave his little corner and have some fun. A couple times, it actually worked.

"Why do you come to stuff like this if you don't like to socialize?" she asked him once when he refused to go play a drinking game with her and the others.

He had shrugged and taken a sip of his drink. "Now that Dez is getting invited to parties, he always drags me with him. And I guess I feel like I gotta make sure none of these assholes are making fun of him when he's too drunk to realize it."

"That won't happen," she'd said. "Trust me."

He had raised his eyebrows. "Look, I don't know how you got them all to stop bullying him after I've been trying for years, but Carrie's the only one of them I trust. And you, I guess. But considering I've had girls offer to be nicer to Dez and convince their boyfriends to do the same if I hooked up with them, I'm not betting on a sudden change of heart from everyone in the school."

Ally had made a face, and it must've been a pretty good one because it was the first (and only) time she ever heard anything resembling a laugh from Austin. It was just a slight little chuckle, but it still felt like a victory.

"That's fair," Ally finally said. "But if you're really miserable at these parties, I promise you that Carrie and I can protect him. After I kicked Brooke out of cheer, everyone knows that I won't put up with them being mean. I told everyone in the friend group I'd drop them if they kept acting like that."

He had looked at her skeptically. "And they just . . . listened to you? Even the guys?"

She shrugged and nodded. "I guess I host the best parties, and they know I'd stop inviting them if they were still bullying people. But I should've done something sooner."

"Well, still. Thank you for sticking up for him and introducing him to Carrie. I mean, I'm not gonna stop coming to parties to keep an eye on him, but it is nice to know that there's someone watching out for him who these people apparently actually listen to."

She shakes herself out of the memory and walks over to Austin, smiling a little and leaning on the armrest of the couch. "You certainly haven't changed," she says.

He raises his eyebrows at her. "You haven't either."

"I like to make sure everyone's having fun. Or at least try to include them, if they're stubborn and broody and antisocial."

He smiles just slightly into his drink as he takes another sip. "So, tell me. Why aren't you at Harvard right now? I thought that was your dream school."

"You tell me why you're not a rockstar first."

"Kinda hard to be a rockstar when you're stubborn and broody and antisocial." He finishes his drink while she laughs a little.

"I'm serious!"

"Okay, okay. I was working the summer after graduation to save up to move to L.A., and I got a job teaching music to kids at the rec center. Then I liked it so much that I started giving private lessons on weekends. I ended up doing that for a year and then signed up for some accelerated community college classes so I could come here for junior and senior year and get my teaching certification."

Ally immediately recognizes that little flutter in her chest, but she decides to pretend it's the alcohol even though she's about ready to melt. "You're gonna be a music teacher?"

He nods and shrugs. "And then I figure I can keep giving lessons during the summer, too."

She smiles. "That's really great, Austin. I didn't take you for a kid person."

"Yeah, I didn't really think I'd be good at it either, honestly. But it was the only job I could get at the time, and I ended up really loving it. This is probably the dumbest shit I've ever said, but helping kids fall in love with music and watching them learn and improve honestly makes me feel better than performing ever did." He's actually smiling now, and there's more life in his eyes than she's ever seen. It's probably (definitely not) the alcohol, but she's a little dizzy.

"It's not dumb," she says, her smile growing. "It's sweet. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks. Now your turn." He nods to her. "Why aren't you at a party with all the other perfect know-it-alls at Harvard?"

She finishes her drink and sets the cup down to avoid saying it out loud a little longer. "I dropped out," she admits.

His eyebrows shoot up. "You what?"

"I was miserable," she continues. "You said it yourself, Harvard people are perfect know-it-alls. It was all school, all the time. Everyone was constantly competing to be the best and brightest, and being the smartest person in the room was more important than anything else. I saw all these kids who had no time for friends or fun or even sleep, and I didn't want that to be me. So, I dropped out and came home after one semester."

"That takes guts," Austin says. "But it sucks that your dream school wasn't what you hoped it would be."

She shrugs. "I just wanna be happy, you know?"

"Well, are you?"

"I'm definitely happier here than I was at Harvard. It's nice being close to my dad and getting to live with Trish."

"I feel like there's a but in there."

"I don't know," she says. "Sometimes I worry that I'm wasting my potential."

"I get that. But there was always more to you than your grades."

Her heart pounds, and she meets his eyes. "I didn't think you saw anything more than the know-it-all perfectionist who once helped out your friend."

He watches her. She notices his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. "I saw you," he says quietly.

She stands up from the couch's armrest, and they're so close she has to tilt her head to look up at him. She can hear her heartbeat in her ears and somewhere in the back of her mind she registers his eyes flicking down to her lips for a split second. So she grabs his face and kisses him.

It's exactly how she always thought kissing him would be in high school, on those late nights when she let her mind wander to her little crush. Still, it's also somehow better. Maybe it's the thrill of the things he's been saying to her, or maybe it's the fact that he kisses her back without the slightest hesitation for confusion or surprise or processing, like maybe he's thought about this before, too.

They end up in his room, where he pins her to the door and kisses her more fiercely, until they both run out of breath and have to slow down. Still, she doesn't want this to end, so she kisses his neck and relishes his rapid pulse against her lips. Then he pulls away just enough to lift her chin and bring her mouth back to his before moving his hand into her hair and kissing her again.

But then he pulls away and steps back, and when she looks at him, he's frowning and shaking his head. "This can't happen," he says as he catches his breath.

Now she frowns. "What can't happen?"

"This." He gestures vaguely and then runs his hands through his hair, closing his eyes. "We can't . . . None of this should've happened. I'm sorry."

"Austin, what are you talking about?"

"Elliot likes you," he says, opening his eyes to look at her again. "A lot. I can't do that to him."

She raises her eyebrows, trying to take in that revelation as best she can. It does explain a lot. But then she frowns again. "So, what, he called dibs on me? How old are you guys, twelve?"

Austin shakes his head. "No, of course not. But if he knew about any of this, it would kill him."

"Okay, but I don't feel that way about Elliot. I never have."

A muscle in Austin's cheek twitches as he sets his jaw, looking away from her. "I just don't want to be a bad friend. I don't want to hurt him."

"Austin, you've known me longer than he has. And judging from everything up 'til now, you've probably wanted to kiss me longer than he has, too." Austin's cheeks tint pink, confirming her suspicions. She tries to ignore the thrill of that fact. "So, by your logic, you're not doing anything wrong."

"But he doesn't know any of that."

"He also doesn't know about this."

Austin swallows again and glances over at her. "And he won't find out?"

She shakes her head, smiling a little as she steps close to him again and drapes her arms around his neck. His hands come up to her waist hesitantly. "It can be our little secret. Resolving our weird relationship from high school."

Now he pulls her closer. "What if I don't want this to be a one-time thing?"

Her smile grows despite the slightly embarrassing shiver that goes up her spine. "Then it won't be."

This time, he kisses her first. If she was a little buzzed at the party before all this happened, she's completely drunk on him now.


She wakes up in his bed the next morning, and her face immediately heats as she remembers last night. The shower is running, and she manages to shake herself out of the memory and take the opportunity to look for her clothes. Although she can't find her top, so when the shower turns off, she grabs Austin's t-shirt from last night off the floor and pulls it on, hoping he won't mind.

Austin comes out about a minute later in a towel, but he freezes in the doorway, staring at her. "Holy shit."

Her cheeks heat again. "Sorry," she says, looking down to where his shirt falls about to the hem of her shorts. "I couldn't find my top, and—"

"No, it's not that," he says, shaking his head. "You just, um . . . You look really good."

Now she raises an eyebrow. "You're turned on by me wearing your shirt."

"Yeah."

"I have morning breath and I got makeup all over your pillow."

"And you have sex hair and you're wearing my shirt."

She considers that. "Fair enough."

So he walks over and kisses her hard, bunching the loose shirt in his fists against her back. She can't even be that insecure about her morning breath because it's pretty obvious that that's the last thing on his mind. She moves her hands up his chest and into his wet hair, and for a moment she can't believe that her tiny high school crush turned into this. But then her mind goes blissfully and utterly blank.

She does end up leaving eventually, climbing out Austin's window so she doesn't risk running into Elliot or Dez or Jace. Or maybe even Trish, if all went well for her last night.

The next time she goes to that house, it's for another game night. Unsurprisingly, Austin still doesn't join them. He's in the kitchen eating dinner when Ally and Trish walk in, and he doesn't even look up.

"Do you want us to wait for you?" Dez calls to Austin as they all find seats in the living room.

"I don't know why you're even asking, Dez," Elliot says, sitting just a little too close to Ally. "He's never gonna say yes."

"It's always nice to know you're still invited," Ally says. "I think it's sweet Dez makes sure Austin knows that."

"And yet Austin doesn't give a shit," Elliot replies.

"I do appreciate the invite, but I'm still not really a game person," Austin says, walking into the room. His eyes meet Ally's for a split second before he starts walking down the hall to his room. "You guys have fun, though."

"Asshole!" Elliot calls after him, but Austin just shuts his door.

"It's fine," Trish says, "Fewer asses for me to kick, but it'll still be satisfying."

Throughout the night, Ally can't help stealing glances in the direction of Austin's room. She's having fun with her friends, but . . . she'd kind of rather be having a different kind of fun with Austin. She hates that she's happy when the game night is over.

"You can stay here, too, you know," Elliot offers while the two of them move chairs back into the kitchen. "It sucks that you have to Uber home now."

"I don't mind," Ally replies. "Besides, you know Trish is staying here for very specific reasons."

"I know, but it still sucks. I could sleep on the couch if it would make you more comfortable. Or you could, but it would probably ruin your posture for life."

"Thank you, Elliot, but it's fine. Really. I like being in my own bed."

"If you're sure . . . "

"I am. Thanks for tonight."

She says goodbye to everyone and heads outside to wait for her Uber, but then cancels it. Instead, she sneaks around to the gate leading to the boys' back yard and opens it as quietly as she can. Then she takes a deep breath and knocks on Austin's window.

He pulls the curtains aside and then immediately jumps back with wide eyes, tripping over his desk chair. She covers her mouth, unsure whether to be embarrassed or to laugh at him.

"You scared the shit out of me," he says when he opens the window.

"Sorry," she giggles. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know, I think I might've really hurt myself."

"Do you need me to kiss it better?"

He grins. "I might. What happened to game night?"

"It's over. Everyone thinks I'm in an Uber on the way home. Are you gonna let me in?"

"I never thought Ally Dawson would lie straight to her friends' faces," he says, stepping aside to let her climb through the window. She takes the hand he offers to help her into the room.

"I'm just full of surprises. Hey, why didn't you join game night?"

He raises an eyebrow. "It might've been a little suspicious if I suddenly started hanging out with all of you right after you and I disappeared at the same time during the party. Also, I hate games. And I would've been . . . distracted." Now he narrows his eyes. "And I know you would have, too."

"You're right, but I was still distracted the whole time wishing you were there." She cringes a little. "And then Elliot wanted me to stay here for the night. Now that I know he likes me, it felt . . . gross."

Austin rolls his eyes. "Elliot's such a fucking dumbass. Everyone knows you don't like him like that, except him, I guess."

"Austin, are you jealous?" she asks, raising her eyebrows.

He snorts. "Of what? Pretty sure this is only your second time sleeping over here, and I'm two for two."

She smiles a little. "You have no reason to be jealous."

"I'm not."

But then he grabs her waist and kisses her like he definitely is jealous.


By the end of June, Ally has spent more nights sleeping at Austin's than she has in her own apartment. Trish must be assuming she's just been spending time with her dad and sleeping at home more often now that it's summer, but Ally isn't about to complain about it.

The boys throw a pool party for the Fourth of July, and she might put in a little more effort than she normally would as she gets ready. But so does Trish, so it's fine.

She casts an involuntary glance down the hall to Austin's room as they walk through the house to the back yard, even though he's probably outside at the party. Still, she may as well start planning how she's going to sneak away. Judging from the massive crowd in the yard, it seems like it won't be too difficult, but this relationship with Austin has embarrassingly taken over most of her life. She can't not think about it.

"You made it!" Elliot says, walking over and hugging Ally and Trish. He's clearly drunk and very sweaty, but Ally hugs him back to be polite. Trish, however, pushes him off and then leaves to go find Jace.

"I don't think she likes me," Elliot adds as he watches Trish walk away.

"She likes you," Ally tells him, although even she isn't convinced.

"It's whatever," Elliot says with a shrug. Then he grins at her. "As long as you like me."

"We're friends," she replies. "Of course I like you."

He nudges her. "I mean, we're a little more than that, aren't we?"

"Not really." She starts scanning the yard for Austin, already desperate to get away.

"Oh," Elliot says. She looks at him again, and he looks hurt. A wave of guilt washes over her for trying to find the first opportunity to ditch him. "I guess I just thought . . . "

"I'm sorry," she says. "I really only see you as a friend. But a good friend," she offers.

"Yeah," he replies halfheartedly. "I'm sorry, too."

She swallows. "I was, um, gonna go get a drink. Do you want one?"

He shakes his head. "Thanks, though."

"Are we gonna be okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, of course," he says. "I'm just being a baby, and the alcohol probably isn't helping. I'll get over it."

She doesn't quite believe him, but for his sake she doesn't want to push the issue.

"Okay," she says. "We'll talk later then?"

He nods, and she awkwardly walks away from him and back inside to get a drink. That's where she sees Austin pouring his own drink, and her chest immediately fills with relief. Still, she grabs his drink before he can and downs it.

"Hey," he says, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Hey," she replies, pouring herself a shot and then using the new drink Austin pours himself as a chaser.

"Can I make you your own drink?" he asks, and she nods. "Are you okay?"

She glances around, making sure Elliot isn't in here. "Elliot just basically admitted he likes me. And I was only half paying attention because I was looking for you, so I rejected him with, like, no emotion or anything. He asked if we were more than friends and I just said, 'Not really.'" She buries her face in her hands. "I'm a terrible person."

She hears Austin's footsteps as he walks around the counter to her side, and then he gently pulls her hands away from her face. "You're not a terrible person," he says. "You shouldn't feel bad for rejecting a guy you're not into."

"It's the way I rejected him," she complains. "I said sorry after, but . . . he was really hurt."

"He'll live," Austin replies.

"Maybe you were right in the beginning," she says. "If he knew about us, it would kill him."

"Or maybe you were right. You still deserve to be with who you want, and that clearly isn't him. You shouldn't have to ignore your own feelings just so you don't hurt his. And he doesn't know about us, so it's not gonna kill him."

She sighs. "I feel like a bad friend."

"He's the bad friend if he expects you to stay single and celibate just to avoid hurting his feelings." He gives her a small smile. "I think we both know I'm a very jealous person, but even I wouldn't expect or even want a girl I liked to do that if I knew she didn't like me back."

She can't help smiling a little. "I guess you're right. But after all that, I'm not really feeling this party anymore."

"I think I might have just the thing." Austin hands her the drink he made her and then grabs his own before walking over to the fridge and pulling out a wine bottle. "Wanna go drink fruity wine and watch a shitty reality show in my room?"

Her smile grows. "I would literally love nothing more."

So they go to his room, and while he finds a show for them to watch, she changes into one of his t-shirts so she's more comfortable. And also because she felt like her clothes were covered in Elliot's sweat, which was disgusting. And maybe a little bit because she knew Austin might lose his mind about it. (Which he totally does, and they don't even get through a single episode of the show because of it. Not that she's complaining.)


Things with Elliot don't really get better. She and Trish still get invited to things, but Elliot looks like a kicked puppy every time. She starts feeling even guiltier for hooking up with Austin behind his back. Not guilty enough to stop doing it, but still.

Meanwhile, she's falling for Austin hard and fast. Their relationship is becoming more and more real, but neither of them wants to let their secret out and hurt Elliot's feelings, so they're stuck in a sort of limbo. On the few nights she isn't sleeping at his house, she still falls asleep on FaceTime with him. And yet they haven't even been on a date, haven't even talked about what their relationship is. For all she knows, he could be hooking up with other girls without her knowing (although with how much time they spend together, that seems unlikely).

The guilt gets even worse when Elliot invites her to his birthday party at the end of July. This time, she really is considering just going home after the party instead of sneaking around to Austin's room. But she just got here, and there's still time to figure that out. For now, she makes herself avoid looking around for Austin and focuses on Elliot in the pool with her. She's determined to make an effort for him tonight, to prove to both of them that they can still be friends.

"Are you having fun?" she asks.

Elliot grins, his eyes glassy. "Yeah," he replies. "Are you?"

"Yes," she replies. "You guys know how to throw a party."

"I'm really glad you came tonight. I wasn't sure you would."

"Elliot, it's your birthday. I wouldn't miss it."

He shrugs, his smile fading a little. "I don't know, I've just kinda felt like you've been pulling away lately. Ever since . . . " He swallows. "I mean, I guess it's my fault."

"It's okay," she says. "I'm sorry. I guess I have been feeling a little awkward. But you're my friend, and I don't want to lose that."

"Thanks, Ally," he says, and then nudges her with his elbow. "Are we good enough friends for a birthday kiss?"

Her chest drops, but she tries to laugh it off. "I don't think I'm good enough friends with anybody for that."

He looks down. "I figured. It's just been a rough summer, I guess. I could use an ego boost."

"Hey, you're awesome. You're gonna find a girl who adores you and can give you everything you deserve."

"It's not just that," he says. Then he shakes his head. "Austin's been such a dick about the whole thing, fucking rubbing all this in my face having girls over all the time while I have no one."

Ally swallows, thankful that it's dark enough outside he won't be able to see her blushing. "Do . . ." Her voice comes out a little high, and she clears her throat. "Do you really think he's doing that?"

"He's way too happy in the mornings to not be doing it on purpose. He knows I'm alone and trying to get over . . . well, you know. It's like he's making sure I know he's fucking every girl in sight without a care in the world just to make me feel worse." Now Elliot narrows his eyes, looking down again. "But I know his secret."

Ally tries not to panic. "Austin doesn't seem like he cares enough about anything or anyone to have secrets."

"He likes you," Elliot says, meeting her eyes. Her heart pounds. "He may be hooking up with other girls, but he likes you a lot. That's why he doesn't hang out with all of us."

"What—What makes you think that?" She's struggling to breathe, and she hopes Elliot is too deep in his own thoughts to notice.

"It's like he panics whenever you're in the room, and he immediately leaves. He doesn't do that with anyone else. And he looks at you like . . . I don't know. But it made me jealous. Now it just pisses me off."

She swallows again, unsure what to say. "Maybe you should talk to him . . . ? Tell him how you're feeling?"

"No," he says, shaking his head. "He's been an asshole, and I want him to get a taste of his own medicine. Will you help me?"

"What?" she says, knitting her eyebrows together. "How?"

"Just say we hooked up. We don't have to do anything, obviously, but if he thinks we did, it'll destroy him. Then maybe he'll stop acting he's so much better than me."

Ally frowns, her chest aching. At the way Elliot is talking about Austin, and at how much Austin cares about him when he clearly doesn't reciprocate that loyalty. "What the hell? Elliot, that's terrible."

"No, what he's doing is terrible."

"You don't even know if he's doing that on purpose! He might just be having fun without even knowing it's hurting you."

"It doesn't matter."

"Well, I'm not helping you," Ally says. She has half a mind to tell Elliot the truth about her and Austin, but it isn't entirely her secret to tell. Elliot has already betrayed Austin; she won't do it, too. "And honestly, if this is how you treat your friends, I don't want to be one of them." She walks out of the pool, ignoring Elliot's calls for her to wait as he stumbles after her.

"Ally, please!" he exclaims, grabbing her wrist.

She shakes him off. "Have a good rest of your birthday."

She walks into the house, but instead of leaving she goes to Austin's room, close to tears. Austin is still at the party, probably drinking alone in a corner, so she's alone for now. She changes out of her swimsuit and curls up on his bed to text him. All she says is that she had a fight with Elliot, she's done with the party, and she's now hiding in Austin's room. The rest should probably be said in person.

Austin walks in about two minutes later. "I got your text," he says as he sits on the bed next to her. "What happened?"

"Elliot sucks," she responds through tears, sitting up to hug him. He wraps his arms tightly around her, which makes her cry harder into his shoulder as she remembers how much he cares about her and his friends. How much Elliot doesn't care about him back.

"Did he try something? What'd he do?"

Ally sniffles and pulls away, shaking her head. "No," she says. "It wasn't something he did to me. He . . . He said some things about you."

Austin's eyebrows pull together. "Me? I'm one of his best friends, what could he possibly have said about me?" Then, before she can answer, he adds, "Did you tell him about us?"

She shakes her head. "No, but he said you like me. He said you've had girls over all summer and thinks you're doing it on purpose to rub in the fact that I rejected him, and he's pissed about it."

"Ally, the only girl I've had over this summer is you. And I would never—"

"I know that," she says, wiping her face and probably smudging her mascara everywhere. "But apparently he doesn't. Since he knows you like me, he wanted to tell you that he and I slept together and wanted me to back up the story. He said he wanted to make you feel the way he feels, and that telling you we had sex would kill you." She sniffles again. "Austin, I'm so sorry." She wraps her arms around him again, and his hands slowly come to rest on her back.

"It . . . It's not your fault," he says slowly, his voice barely audible.

She squeezes him tighter. "It's not fair," she says, her heart shattering when Austin's arms tighten around her and he buries his face in her neck. "I know how much you care about your friends. I can't believe he would do something like this."

Austin lifts his head and rests his chin on her shoulder. "I probably deserve it," he says with a sad little chuckle. "I've been hooking up with the girl he likes all summer behind his back."

"Because you didn't wanna hurt him. And like you said, I shouldn't have to stay single and celibate to avoid hurting his feelings when I don't feel that way about him. It was my choice, too. I was the one who started this whole thing."

Austin pulls away to look at her, resting a hand on her cheek. "I'm glad you did. I hope you know I'd do it all again." Her face heats, and her blush must be noticeable because he smiles just slightly and brushes his thumb over her cheekbone. "When I saw you that first time you came over, it was like I was back in high school. Every time you smiled at me back then, the world could've ended and I wouldn't have even cared. And whenever I thought about it after years without seeing you, I figured I remembered it like that because I was a hormonal teenager or something. But then you smiled at me that day, and God, Ally . . . I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. You could light up a city."

She laughs a little and closes her eyes, a couple more tears rolling down her cheeks. But this time it's not because of Elliot. "You should've said all this back then. Things would be much less complicated now."

"I was terrified of you. Still kind of am."

She laughs even more now, looking at him again as he brushes the stray tears from her cheeks. She could swear there are constellations in his eyes, and his own smile is bright enough to rival the sun. He kisses her as her laughter dies down, warming her from the inside out. All the drama from tonight starts feeling like a distant memory as she closes her eyes and kisses him back with a pounding heart and a soft sigh.

Now she knows she's in way too deep, because all she can think about for the rest of the night is that she loves him and it takes all her willpower not to say it. After everything, she can't ruin this now.


The next morning, a knocking wakes both of them up.

"Austin?" Elliot's voice comes through the door. "Are you awake? I need to talk to you."

Ally looks at Austin, who meets her gaze. "We should tell him about us."

"That would be stooping to his level," Austin replies.

"He deserves it after last night."

"It'll just make everything worse."

"I'm sick of sneaking around, Austin."

He searches her eyes. "Not yet, okay? I need to figure out how to break the news."

Her heart falls. Sparing Elliot's feelings can't be the only reason Austin doesn't want anyone to know about their relationship. If it was, he wouldn't care about hiding it anymore. Maybe she overestimated his feelings for her.

"Austin?" Elliot repeats.

"One sec," Austin calls back to him, pressing a quick kiss to Ally's lips before getting up to pull on his jeans from last night.

Ally has to blink back tears as she pulls the covers over her head. At least Austin won't realize how heartbroken she is.

She hears the door open, and then Austin says, "What's up?"

"Can I come in?" Elliot asks.

"Uh, that's not really a good idea."

A slight pause. "You have a girl in there?"

"Maybe. You said you wanted to talk to me?" Austin asks in a rush.

"Yeah." Elliot clears his throat. "I wanted to be the one to tell you, before it gets out and you hear it from someone else. Ally and I sort of hooked up last night."

Ally cringes at how easily Elliot tells the lie. Austin doesn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Did you now?"

"Yeah. But I know you're into her, so I wanted to apologize. And I wanted to tell you that if she knows you like her, the guilt will probably eat her alive. I know you wouldn't wanna hurt her, so . . . "

"So you don't want her to know that I know."

"I just don't want her to get hurt. I'm sure you don't, either. I mean, you do like her, right?"

Austin is quiet for another few seconds. "Yeah. I do."

"So you won't confront her about it? And don't tell her you like her, either. Bro code and stuff. I hope all of this doesn't ruin our friendship."

"Right."

"Good talking to you, buddy. Sorry if I interrupted anything."

Ally hears the door click shut, and then Austin takes a deep breath. "He's gone," he says.

Ally pulls the covers down to her neck and looks at him. "You should've told him you knew he was lying."

Austin shakes his head and walks back over to the bed, collapsing next to her. "It would've started a whole thing. Unnecessary drama."

"Unnecessary? One of your best friends just lied to your face for the sole purpose of hurting you."

Austin shrugs, clearly not interested in having this conversation. Fine.

"You like me?" she asks.

He gives her a look. "Of course I like you."

Her heart flutters, and she can't help smiling a little. "I don't know! Maybe it was just sex. It's not like we've talked much about our feelings."

He raises an eyebrow, smiling back at her. "I feel like I've implied it pretty heavily."

"I didn't want to assume."

"You're allowed to assume, Ally."

"Then why are you still so against telling Elliot about us?" He purses his lips, and she sighs. "Right." She gets out of bed and starts getting dressed.

"Ally, come on," Austin says, getting up and watching her. "You know it's not like that."

She shrugs, walking over to the window and opening it. "Do I?" He follows her, looking helpless. Her heart pangs with guilt, but mostly hurt. She looks up at him. "I just hope it's worth it to protect the feelings of someone who clearly doesn't care about you if it means hurting someone who does."

And with that, she climbs out the window and holds in her tears until she gets in the car.


It rains for the next week straight, so she can't go to Austin's even if she wanted to. She has to park her car around the corner, and she's not walking all that way in the rain just to sneak into his room through the window when he won't even tell people about their relationship or make it official. And sure, she could Uber, but her feelings for him are clearly stronger than his feelings for her. It's best if she just does a full Austin Moon detox and tries to get over him.

That is, until Trish barges into her room with wide eyes and an accusatory tone as she says, "Austin is here to see you."

Her head snaps up from her book, and her heart pounds. "What?"

"He's currently standing out in the hallway looking like a soggy puppy left on the side of the road. He asked for you." Trish raises an eyebrow. "Is there something going on that I don't know about?"

"Yes," Ally says, brushing past her and rushing to the door. Then she composes herself and steps out into the hallway.

Austin is mid-pace, but he freezes and looks up at her as soon as she opens the door. She swallows and closes it behind her as she takes him in. He's drenched from the rain, his shirt sticking to his chest and his wet hair falling into his eyes.

"You were right," he blurts. "I'm going to tell Elliot everything. But I needed to see you first."

She raises her eyebrows. "What . . . What changed your mind?"

He shakes his head and steps closer to her. "I never wanted to hurt you. I was an idiot and didn't realize what I was doing to you. I should've agreed to tell Elliot the moment you wanted to, but there was more to it that I just couldn't figure out. I wanted this to be real, but at the same time, I was terrified."

"So, what, you're just afraid of commitment?"

He shakes his head again. "I've been thinking about you all week, trying to figure out why I was so scared of telling people and having a real relationship with you when I know that's what I want." Her heart pounds. "You've always intimidated me, Ally. You're everything I'm not, everything I wish I could be."

"Austin—"

"I'm sorry, I'm almost done," he says in a rush. Then he swallows. "I realized that the reason I'm so terrified of making this real is that I feel like I'm going to disappoint you, and I could never forgive myself if it didn't work out and it was my fault."

"That's ridiculous," she says, knitting her eyebrows together. "The only time you disappointed me was when you insisted on keeping this secret. I want this to be real, too."

He runs his hands through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm not saying what I want to say. I can never find the fucking words."

She swallows and reaches a hand out, resting it gently on his arm. "Austin, just talk to me."

He looks at her, his eyes soft and vulnerable. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I never should've let this go on as long as it did."

Her chest falls, and tears immediately fill her eyes. She hates how quickly and easily and terribly he can break her heart, hates that she still loves him. "No. You shouldn't have."

A tear escapes down her cheek, and he knits his eyebrows. Then he shakes his head quickly and grabs her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "That's not what I meant," he says. "I shouldn't have let the secret go on as long as it did. I never should have insisted we keep this a secret in the first place. But by the time I realized that, I had also realized something else, too." He swallows, searching her eyes as he brushes his thumbs over her cheekbones. "I love you, Ally. I love you, and I'm terrified." He releases her face, as if he hasn't just turned her world upside down. "And I'm so sorry for hurting you. For all of this."

"I . . . " Her throat is dry and her voice cracks, so she swallows and tries again. "I love you, too."

He coughs, eyes wide. "You do?"

"Yes! I felt like such an idiot. I thought you just didn't want to be with me, and that's why you didn't wanna tell anyone about us even after everything with Elliot."

"I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way," he says. "I never want to do it again. You've always made me feel so . . . alive. Like I wake up whenever I'm with you. You deserve someone who makes you feel that way, too." He meets her eyes. "And I want to be that person."

"I thought you were terrified."

"I am. But I also know that I'm done sneaking around and pretending to be the no-strings-attached kind of guy, because with you, that's not who I am. I love you, and I want to be with you so I can show you how much I love you."

She tries not to let herself be pulled in by his words, but it's not easy. "How do I know you're not gonna wake up tomorrow and realize you can't overcome that fear?"

"Because when I'm with you, I feel like anything's possible. Everything that seemed scary and overwhelming before feels so much smaller if you're with me. Even now, I'm less afraid here with you than I have been all week."

"I thought you were intimidated and terrified of me."

That makes him smile just a little. "I realized it's the good kind," he says. "Like going on a rollercoaster, or seeing a horror movie." That gives her pause, but he continues. "Those things might be scary, but that's how you know they're good. And this, what we have . . . it's good. And I feel like that fear I had is what proves it. I've never had so much anxiety over a relationship before, because I've never been in love before."

She purses her lips, but a small smile still makes its way onto her face. "Me, neither. It is kind of scary."

He swallows and hesitantly takes one of her hands. "Think we could be scared together?"

She looks down at their hands and then back up at him. Suddenly their argument feels so far away, like a distant memory. Everything that happened with Elliot feels like a blip and nothing more, because she's in love and Austin loves her back and together, they might just make it.

She allows herself to smile a little more as she nods. "Yes."


had this idea for a while and i've been working on it since may soooo since it was my bday a couple weeks ago i wanted to celebrate w a little treat :) i feel like i should've added an extra scene or two at the end to make it feel more complete but then i would've never finished it so this is what we got lmao

btw thank u for the well wishes on grad school! it's pretty rough lol but i'm studying to be a speech language pathologist and i'm v excited bc i get to help teach kids how to read! (among other things of course lmao) but i loved reading growing up and i wanna help other kids feel that same magic i did :,) i start seeing clients for therapy on 9/11 so i'm v nervous but also super excited!

also speaking of bdays i forgot to mention this but march 9 of this year was my 10 year anniversary on this hellsite. 10 YEARS WRITING FANFICTION FOR A DISNEY CHANNEL SHOW I STARTED IN MIDDLE SCHOOL AND NOW I'M IN FUCKING GRAD SCHOOL literally i can't think about it too long or it makes me wanna walk into the ocean lmao. but yeah anyway for those of u who are still here thank you! if you're new i appreciate you very much and hope ur okay if ur looking for a&a fanfic 7 years after it ended, and if you've been with me since the beginning i also hope ur okay bc you've been reading my fics for 10 goddamn years and you saw me at my cringiest and for that i apologize and also i wanna know how and why you're still here but more than anything i wanna say thank you! and if you joined me at some point in between i love you and appreciate you as well of course and i also hope you're okay too! sorry for the long author's note it's just kinda crazy to me that i'm still on my bullshit 10 years later. it would also be more poetic if this was my 100th fic but we're close enough and if u count my ao3 fics i'm past 100 anyway.

ok sorry anyway! hate to end on a sad note but i'd also kind of like to take a hiatus from a&a fics to focus on other stuff. i have fics for other shows i wanna write (which u can find on ao3 if u like the owl house or miraculous lmao there's also a couple for julie and the phantoms and one for psych i think if any of that interests you) but also i wanna start actually focusing on original work because APPARENTLY just having the idea in your head doesn't write the book for you :/ and i guess i should also probably focus on grad school too that's kind of important. but i do still have that three-shot royal au i have to finish and i'm in the process of writing the last chapter but it might take a while

lastly if you wanna keep in touch follow me on twitter! (or x now i guess lmao) my handle is still ausllydawmoon just like it is on here! i don't post a ton but idk i just don't want anyone feeling abandoned :/ y'all have said how happy you are i still post fics and now that i'm kinda taking a break i don't want anyone to be sad :( i think that's all i wanted to say but idk maybe in a few years i'll be a bestseller or something and i'll have to admit to the world that my start was writing austin & ally fanfiction who fuckin knows man

ok i love you all so so much thank you for reading this fic (esp if you got this far in the author's note holy moly) and for reading all the others over the years and just thank you for letting me share my writing with you. y'all are honestly probably the reason i never gave up writing as i got older (and now i don't think i ever will) and y'all are definitely the reason i've been able to grow and improve so much since 2013. tbh i feel like y'all basically made me into a writer bc you gave me the confidence and support i needed to keep going and share my work and follow through with so many of my ideas. so that's pretty damn cool.

sorry again lol. i love all of you more than you know