Author's note: I was really on the fence about posting this one. Content warnings for dehumanization, heavy angst, unwanted teen pregnancy and discussion of abortion. Please read with discretion - thank you!

If none of that turns you off, I hope you enjoy. :)


Ten-ten Sato clamped a sweaty hand over her mouth. The closet-sized bathroom in her parents' attic was no place to scream – not with such thin walls.

The drugstore pregnancy test quivered between her fingers before she dropped it into the trash bin. A moment later, she retrieved the plastic stick and wrapped it in far too many layers of toilet paper. Ten-ten slammed the bundle back into the trash with a muffled curse. The shock of an unintended – and thoroughly unwanted – pregnancy was a slap in the face amid the village's post-war euphoria. Ten-ten supposed the cruel forces controlling her life couldn't grant her too much luck.

She was fortunate to survive the war and emerge a celebrated hero. The thing growing inside her simply balanced the scales.

"Ten-ten, dear," her mother called from beyond the door. "Ten-ten, is everything alright? You've been in the bathroom for 15 minutes already."

The Sato family's small apartment had only one toilet, and Ten-ten imagined her mother or father probably needed it. Tears gathered behind her eyes. Ten-ten wanted to run into her mother's arms to sob for hours. But Takako Sato didn't offer comfort without questions. Unfortunately, Ten-ten wasn't in a place to answer the inevitable why or how.

Her parents believed her a proper young woman preserving her virtue for marriage. They didn't need to know that her lover lay interred in the Hyuga clan plot beneath 6 feet of earth.

"I'm fine, Mom," Ten-ten choked out. "I think I just ate something bad."

"Okay, dear. Feel better soon."

Takako's footsteps thudded across the floorboards, fading as she retreated back down the stairs. Ten-ten had at most a few more minutes until Takako interrupted her again with more insistence. She sat back on the worn toilet seat, shoulders and back bowed forward. Her head falling into her hands, she drew a few long breaths.

Damn it. You fucking idiot. You horny, lovesick moron, Ten-ten cursed. She'd saved memories of her first – and only – night of intimacy like shards of a shattered jewel. Scattered sensations and images from that night sat close to her heart. She savored the way Neji's hands tangled with hers above their heads. The shock and wonder on his face when he woke to her in bed next to him.

Ten-ten sensed something different about Neji on the eve of the war. He'd held her as if she might break in his hands and whispered that he didn't want to die without loving her. Of course, Ten-ten reassured Neji of his certain survival. He defied death once, and their entire team had defied the odds together multiple times. Maybe it was the optimism of youth, but Neji nodded with a weary smile. He'd allowed the war talks to twist his mind, he said.

Her kisses silenced his fears and doubts. Their bodies joined for the first time, melding together without friction or pain. Precautions were the last thing on her mind or his, not while infatuation consumed them.

Then Neji had died in the most bitterly ironic turn of fate.

At least once a month, Ten-ten still dreamed of them coming together in the ultimate expression of love and trust. Upon waking, the tingling warmth in her lower core left her gutted, or disgusted – depending on the day.

Ten-ten hated that thing for tainting the one precious memory that belonged only to her and Neji. It would have forever been theirs if the thing hadn't made itself known.

She listened for her parents on the other side of the door. Hearing the clatter of pots in the kitchen, Ten-ten slipped into her bedroom, where she collapsed into her twin bed. The bed was a holdover from her days at the ninja academy, too small for her fully extended body. The attic's sloping walls left barely any room for the bed, a nightstand, a wardrobe and a washbasin. Adding a child's crib would leave the space unnavigable. Laying in her childhood bed reduced Ten-ten to an overgrown child. An overgrown child had no business birthing a fatherless baby. It didn't matter that the village considered her a legal adult with all rights and privileges.

Still, legal adulthood granted her choices on how to address the thing growing inside her. Kunoichi often terminated unwelcome pregnancies. And the hospital offered the utmost discretion for pregnancies detected and addressed early.

With only two missed cycles, she could rid herself of the problem without notifying anyone except the med-nin who offered her relief. Either solution struck Ten-ten as far cleaner than birthing a bastard scorned by the Hyuga clan and her parents alike.

Once the raw wound of Neji's death turned to a faint ache, Ten-ten could marry another man. Her life could continue as if going from virgin to not virgin hadn't changed everything.

Through her bleary vision, Ten-ten glimpsed her first team photograph with Neji and Rock Lee standing on either side of her. Neji's white eyes gazed back at her, steely and cold as they'd appeared when she first met him. The genin frozen in the photograph were untouched by the horrors of combat, still eager to prove themselves. Young Ten-ten's carefree grin swelled her heart and drew tears from the corners of her eyes. She believed in her infinite potential back then, unaware of the pitfalls that might derail her dreams.

Who am I kidding? – she thought. I can't just un-fuck my life.

That girl couldn't return, even if Ten-ten rendered herself unpregnant. Perhaps some mistakes really weren't reversible. Because she lived, Ten-ten bore the consequences alone, even when Neji shared her culpability.

"Fuck," Ten-ten spat. "Fuck you, Neji. Fuck, fuck, fuck."

She slammed her fist into the mattress and heard its rusty springs groan in protest.

Ten-ten seized the sides of the picture frame on her nightstand, its sharp edges digging into her palms. It was her only picture of her lover, who hated cameras or posing for them. Before she slammed the frame to the floor, genin Neji's eyes caught hers and a painful twinge hit Ten-ten's heart.

"You're a dad, Neji," she muttered. "Does that make you happy?"

Ten-ten couldn't know how he'd react to fathering a child. She pictured one of his quiet panics, his lips drawn in, white eyes glazed. The Neji in her photograph didn't answer, except to look dismayed. But that was how he always looked at that age.

How unfortunate that both of them became adults capable of landing themselves in such catastrophe. Ten-ten's fingertips traced the cool glass over her photographed face, then over Neji's. Her gaze lingering on Neji's face, Ten-ten couldn't deny that she carried a baby borne of their stillborn love – not a mere blob or thing. In a world that allowed him to live, she dreamed of raising their child together and facing parenthood by his side.

"I love you," she whispered – to Neji, or their baby. "I wish things could be different. Then I could make a different choice."


Less than a week passed between Ten-ten's discovery and the day of her appointment. Even that felt like too long to wait. The baby's cells divided faster than her blinks or the flutter of her heart. Every second brought her closer to the time when her pregnancy would have progressed too far for termination. Ten-ten couldn't fault the med-nin at the hospital desk, who did his best to accommodate her urgent need. His wry smile spoke of intimate familiarity with her situation, with the desperation in her wide eyes.

Ten-ten found the brightly painted waiting room almost empty on the day she arrived for her operation. Across from her sat a pregnant woman whose rounded belly made her a poor fit for the cheap plastic chair. Relief flooded Ten-ten upon realizing her child would never swell her body. She imagined herself a visibly pregnant teenage single mother, sharp glares burning into her back. You're doing the right thing, she told herself. What other choice do you have?

After a nurse called her name and ushered her to an empty operation room, Ten-ten's heart sank when Shizune entered with a tight smile.

"Good morning, Ten-ten."

Shizune knew not to inflect her tone with too much cheer or somberness. She wouldn't offer condolences – in case the termination was a happy occasion. Yet she couldn't sound too happy, in case it was a tragic choice. Every med-nin with any tact knew the unspoken rules for these occasions.

Ten-ten nodded and returned the greeting. She stripped and donned a hospital gown behind a flimsy green curtain, the plastic sheet billowing in the stale, sterile air. Following Shizune's instructions, Ten-ten reclined in the cushioned seat and tried to relax the tension in her core.

"So...uh, are you going to...you know, do it?"

"No, that'll be someone else. I'm only here to collect some of your vital signs before the doctor comes."

"Right."

Ten-ten closed her eyes, the fluorescent lights above still stinging behind her eyelids. The procedure would begin and conclude in the space of minutes. That was why she opted for surgery, though most kunoichi in her situation now chose pills. Ten-ten didn't want to stretch her ordeal over multiple days, or suffer the pain rumored to accompany the pills. Afterward, she could recover at home. Her fatigue and malaise could be explained as a headache, or part of her body's regular monthly cycle.

Shizune wrapped a pressure cuff around Ten-ten's upper arm and squeezed the attached rubber pump. Her pen scrawled on a clipboard before she listened to Ten-ten's heart and lungs, the stethoscope cold against her breastbone.

"It'll all be over soon. If you want, you can forget any of this ever happened. A lot of girls do that."

Now alone, Ten-ten's hands toyed with the loose strings on her gown.Let this be over, she pleaded. Her words applied to both her pregnancy and confinement in the operation room. An unfamiliar med-nin wearing a mask and green scrubs arrived after a series of quick knocks.

Unlike Shizune, he made no conversation, not even a perfunctory greeting. She closed her eyes while the med-nin and his assistant made their preparations. Ten-ten's hands settled over her lower core, maybe in a subconscious gesture of protection. Gloved hands gently nudged her fingers aside. She complied, not that she could offer much resistance when she requested the operation. Her gown opened and something cool and wet spread over her lower core.

"You don't have to look if you don't want to," the med-nin said, his voice surprisingly soft and mellow. "Keep your eyes closed and I'll take care of everything for you."

Ten-ten obeyed and squeezed her eyes shut. Again, she thought, this was the best end for her unfortunate child. A probe applied firm pressure over her clammy skin. By her bedside, the assistant – a woman – drew a sharp breath and muttered oh, that's a strong one. The hushed, almost panicked exclamation elicited dread at the base of Ten-ten's stomach.

Ten-ten opened one eye just enough to see the assistant wearing a headset, her brows furrowed at a turned screen.

The woman buried her grimace beneath a strained smile.

"Nothing you need to worry about. Relax, okay?"

The woman's tinny, high-pitched tone drew Ten-ten's skepticism.

"Does this mean...is something wrong?" Ten-ten pressed.

The assistant and the med-nin exchanged a wordless message in raised brows and sidelong glances.

"Do you want to listen?" he offered, despite the apprehension in his assistant's pursed lips.

Ten-ten nodded. The headset's thick pads settled over her before a rapid whump, whump whump filled her ears. Ten-ten's heart accelerated, as if trying to keep pace. The assistant had been right – the beat thrummed with surprising power, and it all came from within her.

That quick, pulsing rhythm still echoed once the assistant removed the headset.

"What's that?" Ten-ten asked, her tongue thick.

Someone – either the med-nin or the assistant – clutched Ten-ten's hand. No answer came. The sound reminded her of laying her head on Neji's chest after their first and last time together, listening to his fast heart tick like a clock. Less than two days later, long, hard spikes stopped his heart far too soon. Ten-ten thought of Shizune's stethoscope against her breastbone, probing the rhythms of her heart.

"Are you alright, Ten-ten?"

"Mh –"

Her swollen throat kept her words at bay.

"There'll just be a little bit of pushing, and you'll be done before you know it," the med-nin interjected. "You'll hardly feel a thing."

"Don't," Ten-ten breathed out.

"If you're nervous, you can take some time to breathe. I'm in no hurry."

You'll hardly feel a thing. The words rang false, despite the heartfelt intentions behind them. Ten-ten wanted to scream no, to declare that she now felt far too much. She imagined Neji's heart beating onward inside her, a continuation of the heartbeat she heard in the afterglow of their first time. Heat rushed to her face and neck, and Ten-ten wanted nothing more than to run.

"S-stop. Just stop it."

"Are you sure, Ten-ten?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I want to do this anymore."

Despite their breathless gasps, they complied with her wishes. A numbing, warm haze surrounded Ten-ten as she left her seat, dressed again and steered herself through the hospital. Only her pounding heart reminded her that she was still alive.


If Ten-ten couldn't bring herself to terminate, she at least owed the baby a future. By village law, fathers were obligated to shoulder half the costs of raising a child. In lieu of a living father, the father's next of kin assumed the responsibility. Ten-ten groaned at the realization that Hiashi Hyuga – the aloof and hard-nosed Hyuga clan head – was Neji's next of kin.

A man with little patience for human weakness, Hiashi would likely turn his back on Ten-ten's bastard son or daughter. Most of the clan would likewise recoil at the prospect of a Hyuga and outsider conceiving. But her baby's needs pressed on her, making every second urgent for a different reason. In a few months, Ten-ten's body alone would no longer feed and nurture the baby.

A lump rose in Ten-ten's throat when a Hyuga servant asked her to state her business with Hiashi Hyuga. Knowing the servant would otherwise keep the compound gate latched, Ten-ten explained in a quivering voice. She needed whatever he could offer her child, the son or daughter of Hiashi's late nephew. The servant's lip curled in a sympathetic pout. She led Ten-ten to the Hyuga clan head's study, where he sat practicing calligraphy.

Ten-ten's frozen muscles anchored her in the doorway. Neji mentioned his uncle's hobby on a few occasions. However, nothing prepared her for the sheer strangenessof witnessing the strokes of Hiashi's practiced hands and the wrinkle in his brow. Hiashi appeared almost human before his stern white eyes met hers, and the authoritarian mask returned.

"This is an unexpected visitor," Hiashi huffed. He cleaned his brush and set it neatly on the mat next to his parchment.

"Hello, Lord Hiashi."

Ten-ten bowed her head. Bile rose in her throat when Hiashi dismissed the servant with the back of his hand. Now alone with a man she hated and feared, Ten-ten supposed this was her first duty as a mother.

"What brings you here, Ms. Sato?"

"Um. I need your help. My lord."

"Well, you must understand that my abilities aren't limitless. So I ask that you please state why you find yourself coming to me for assistance."

Hiashi's cool, dismissive-sounding answer chilled Ten-ten's blood.

"This concerns Neji. You...can't see it now, but I'm pregnant," she stammered. A moment later, she added "we were in love," to blunt any assumptions Hiashi might make about her character.

"Oh?"

His impassive expression broke before he smoothed the features of his face again. "You're rather young to become a mother. Do your mother and father know you're with child?"

Twisted her hands, Ten-ten shook her head and mouthed no. "And I don't have any money, and my parents don't have any, and I can't go on missions...and...I thought maybe you'd help. My parents can't know because they'd kill me."

A sob escaped at the end of her ramble. Ten-ten pressed her fingertips into her eyelids to cover her tears. Crying like a child wouldn't endear her to the Hyuga clan head or inspire pity in him. Ten-ten reiterated to herself that the man hated weakness.

"Ten-ten. I'm sorry for my impoliteness. It just surprises me that Neji...actually conceived a child."

"Well, he did. I mean, we were only together once, but still."

"Understood. These things happen in youth, I suppose."

Hiashi stood behind his desk and advanced toward Ten-ten. Shivers ran up her spine. His hands held her by either shoulder, then he gave her a squeeze. The awkward gesture spoke of either comfort or intimidation – Ten-ten couldn't tell. Maybe in additionto labeling her a cheap woman, Hiashi Hyuga believed her to be a liar. She wasn't sure whether her frayed nerves could withstand an interrogation.

"I swear, I'm not trying to steal from you. I don't want to get rich or take the Byakugan, or anything like that," she cried, her swollen red eyes locking with Hiashi's.

"I never made any claim of that nature. This is certainly not what I expected you to tell me, but –"

"You have to know – I didn't think I'd end up with a baby...and I have nothing else."

Ten-ten heard something between a hum and a sigh.

"I –"

"I was going to get an abortion."

The confession escaped her, pushed forward by desperation. Fingertips to her lips, Ten-ten willed her heart to slow and hoped she wouldn't meet his harsh judgment. Hiashi's head tilted to examine her tearful face and he released a long breath. Her lungs deflated the moment Hiashi embraced her, his hands settling on her upper and lower back. The pressed cotton of his yukata soaked with her tears.

"I'm thankful you chose otherwise, Ten-ten. It brings me great sadness that you ever even considered it," Hiashi sighed.

"I thought I didn't have any other choice."

"I can't pretend I understand, but you're a young woman with a lot of courage."

"T-thanks."

"On my word, you and the child may have whatever you need. A place to live. Money for food or medicine. Ask and I'll give it."

"Oh, thank you so much."

Her vision blurred again with fresh tears. Hiashi's hands smoothed her buns and laid across her shoulder blades. The steady, certain beat of his heart reassured her.

"I owe it to Neji. He willingly gave his life for my daughter. I can at least repay him by caring for his child. With him gone, I can only hope my support is adequate."

"Yeah, he's not gone," she whispered.

Ten-ten wondered if Hiashi heard her, until he answered with an even softer I suppose you're correct.

Their embrace tightened again, wrapping Ten-ten in comforting warmth. Though Neji would never meet his child, she smiled through the tears knowing she carried part of him with her.