Vala gets to grow old under red-orange autumn leaves and a crisp breeze that threatens her cozy white sweater. At some point high-heels and nights out with Sam and Carolyn was replaced with sensible boots and nights by the fire or sitting on the porch with Daniel. Sometimes Sam, Carolyn, and Amy came to visit but it wasn't the same. They would never recapture the long nights of too many cocktails and making fun of the hotshot cadets from the Air Force Academy. Now they drank wine by the glass, not the bottle, and cooked food in the kitchen or watched as the boys argued the best way to grill a steak. Jack always won of course, though the women knew it was never even a contest: Jack was a master at the grill.

It wasn't the life she thought she would ever get to have, even if she had consciously decided to choose it. She had always assumed she would never be one of those people who got to have a family. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment all her subconscious choices, became about reaching this moment: when she decided to stay on Earth, allowed herself to become close to these people. When she decided to stop playing games and finally let herself be close to Daniel. When she got pregnant with his child and, while she was nervous, didn't panic because she knew if he was there, it would all somehow work out. When they both decided that active roles within the SGC were too dangerous now that their child was to be born. When they both retired with handsome pensions and passed on the galactic struggle to the next generation of eager fighters.

Their child would be born in the spring, for no reason other than it was Vala's favourite season, even if everyone else insisted it was summer or Christmas time. Their child would definitely not be born at Christmas: Vala had learned that children born at this time usually only got one present and she didn't think that was fair. They would think the first few months were the hardest, but it would be nothing compared to when the child could walk or start talking back. With her mouth and Daniel's contrary nature, their work would be cut out for them. But they would be opinionated and passionate and know their own mind. They would be fiercely protective with a penchant for the underdogs of the world. They would know so much love from her and Daniel and Jack, Sam, Teal'c, and Carolyn. They would graduate high school and her and Daniel would watch, his arm around her shoulder, from the porch, as the summer air began to turn, as their child packed up their car and left them behind to start their own adventure.

As she watched their child drive away, she would get an overwhelming sense of dread. She wouldn't know why, but she knew she would never see their child again.

Vala shivered even though it wasn't cold, the air was always the same temperature, all day every day, and felt a zip-up hoodie being placed around her shoulders. She didn't need to look up to know who it was. Cameron had claimed this hiding spot months ago. Or, maybe, it was years ago, like most things on the Odyssey, time didn't matter like it did in the real world. The only thing that marked time for her now was a 'before' and an 'after'. She had been trying to find a new hiding spot since it happened; Daniel had found all her other ones. But not this one. That, or he had given up trying to find her. She had even found herself back in her old quarters: the message was being received loud and clear.

"We're going to die here, aren't we?" She asked him after they had sat in silence for what felt like hours.

"Yes, princess, I think we are." He was the first one to admit it; out loud, at least. "But that's not why you're here hiding from everyone is it?"

She remained silent. He sighed, "Look I noticed you and Jackson avoiding each other if you're having problems-"

"I was pregnant," she blurted before she had time to think. "I lost the baby." So, I guess you could say we're having problems."

She knew this is where she should stop talking. But Cameron hadn't witnessed the before. Daniel and Sam had assumed what she felt. Cameron had no preconceived notions. "Do you know the first thought I had when I realised, I was pregnant: that we were going to die here. But then Daniel was so happy, so I allowed myself to be happy, but maybe this whole thing is for the best. What kind of life is this to bring a baby into, sitting around waiting to die?"

For the longest time he said nothing, and she began to think she had misjudged his position in this. He was using this time to understand what he thought she must feel. She was relieved when he eventually asked, "Did you want the child?" She nodded. "Then I don't see how losing a wanted child is for the best; even if we are trapped on a glorified tin can."

"Thanks to my other child," Vala remarked scornfully. My child. Was that the first time she said that? Sometimes Adria did exist in Vala's other worlds. She allowed herself to explore what their relationship might be like if she was born under any other circumstances, but it was much harder to maintain the illusion- some might say, delusion- when remembered Adria was never hers to begin with. "I couldn't save her either."

"Is that why you've been avoiding, Jackson? You feel like this your fault?"

"I have done some pretty terrible things, Cameron. They were bound to come back to haunt me."

She presented as logical, with no sense of questioning or emotion. If it was universal payback, then so be it. Cameron shook his head. "Look, princess, I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm an expert on the inner-workings of the galaxy. But you're not a bad person. You've been dealt a tough set of cards, but you have proven time and time again who you really are under the false bravado and nonchalance. Sometimes, you can do everything right and still have everything fall to shit. Now, you're allowed to feel whatever you want: sadness, relief, grief, like you want to punch a wall, it's all valid but you have not let Jackson down and if he tries to say as such, I'll kick his ass in to next week."

"That will be a feat considering we don't know when that is," she said dryly.

"There's that sense of humour," he said drawing her to him with an arm around her shoulders. "You're a survivor Vala, time has shown us all that, and you will get through this. But you don't have to do it alone. And if I know one thing about Jackson is that he wants to be there with ya."

"Has anyone ever told you you're not just a pretty face?" She asked looking up at him.

"You should find, Jackson," he told her. "Don't let this be the thing that tears you apart."

She thought his tone would be encouraging but it was something else. Was it envy? Or some form of resigned acceptance that she had something he didn't. She was supposed to find that offensive, wasn't she? After what she had lost, what he could be envious over? She chose not to comment. Instead, she stood from his hug and placed his hoodie around his shoulders and watched for a second from the doorway. He was staring straight ahead into the void of space. Was he imagining his own alternate life? Was he growing old on a porch somewhere in Kansas? Did he inherit his parents land with his mother's pie recipe included. Were there kids running around in the midday sun and was Amy, she assumed Amy, yelling at them to get inside before they burned? She could see him as a father and a husband: spending the days doing whatever people in Kansas did and then going home to the place where he was happiest.

Everyone on this ship was happy for the same reasons: they remembered it was special occasion or Sam perfected chocolate cake from the Asgard beam manufacturing thing. But their grief was all unique. SG1and those they had left behind on Earth had lost something the second they boarded this ship; they just hadn't known it. Everyone but Vala. Vala had everyone that made Earth her home. Her fantasies of the future had less to do with Earth and more to do with the people in them. Is that why Cameron had sound envious? Because she never had the chance to leave the SGC and have meaningful interactions with people outside the Stargate Programme? Because she had Daniel and he had no-one?

Maybe she was being too harsh. Either it didn't matter whether he was or wasn't envious. She was as stuck on this ship as he was, regardless of who she spent her time with. She was as defeated as him now too. Being a thief and a con-artist required optimism. If you didn't believe you could lie or fight your way out of situation, then you had already been defeated. She had retained a sense of hope about this situation because otherwise they would stop fighting. Now, all that fight was gone. With the loss of this child came the loss of the hope that she could ever have the life her and Daniel deserved.

Vala opened the door to Daniel's-to their- quarters with a wave of her hand. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking blankly at the chest of drawers. He didn't acknowledge her, and she didn't speak. She sat on the floor by his feet and laid her head against his thigh and closed her eyes.

"In my head it was girl." he spoke softly. It sounded devoid of emotion, but she knew him too well. "I don't know why."

She reached for his hand and tugged him to the floor, waited for him to continue. "She would do ballet and we would go to her recitals at the weekends, and when she got older, she would join the debate team or maybe the theatre department."

"Argumentative and dramatic?"

"A perfect mix of the two of us."

She laid her head on his shoulder, the tales of an imaginary world lulling her to sleep; but she would awake into this world. Into this world where parents lost children and children lost their parents. In this world, there was no breeze but that of the recycled air through the vents. It wasn't autumn leaves that covered the ground but a layer of dust that would one day consume them all. To walk this ship was to walk through a cemetery where every corner was haunted by the glimpse of a world outside its metal walls.