"They'll take them from your hand, even," Seiji says, as if Shuuichi has been there all along. He's feeding the koi bits of cracker.
"You know, my sister would have them turning tricks for these." His fingertips graze the surface of the water. "For all we look alike, they can still tell the difference."
The moon and the stars have been brought down to earth, and the fish move between them. Brilliant fireworks against the inky blackness.
"Are you enjoying the evening, Shuuichi-san? I was sorry to leave you alone."
He sits down now, but can't seem to relax.
"You know the answer to that already, don't you."
"Are you asking me?"
"You were there for some of it, weren't you?"
"I was just in and out—for my treats." He emphasizes his words with another toss of crumbs, further afield.
The koi set off in slow motion.
"Seiji."
Seiji finally looks at him, his expression strange and as unfathomable as the dark water. Not for the first time, Shuuichi wonders what it will be like when his face is halved by the seal.
"What do you want me to say? That I heard none of it? That I heard all of it?" His voice is devastatingly quiet. "Tell me, what do you want?"
All at once, he can't stand it.
"I don't know." A barely whispered admission—a confession.
Seiji turns back to the pond.
"I don't envy you, but there are parts of you that are very enviable. But that's not enough, is it?"
Shuuichi stiffens, already feeling scraped raw by the evening. Something unpleasant rises within him.
What am I supposed to do?
If the ground opened up and swallowed him whole, he doesn't think that would be such a terrible thing.
It is a while before Seiji speaks again.
"Don't mind me, Shuuichi-san, I'm just thinking aloud." Is it bad that those words feel like a balm?
And so absurdly—
"Canapé?" Seiji proffers his plate.
Instead, Shuuichi swipes the rest of the butter cookies Seiji favors. A small retaliation. But maybe not too small when it comes to Seiji and his sweets.
They melt in his mouth. Seiji stares down at his plate.
"They're good, aren't they?"
Shuuichi tips a few back onto the plate.
"Not too bad."
