OA lost track of how long he had been sitting beside of Maggie's bed, but he hadn't once let go of her hand.

After the little nod she gave him, he was convinced she could hear everything, and if there was a chance that she could feel too, then he was going to make sure she felt at least some comfort. He hoped she wasn't in any pain, but from what he knew about the effects of sarin gas, there was a big possibility of it.

He wanted her to know that she wasn't alone, that he wasn't going anywhere… so he did the only thing he knew to do. He held her hand.

Sure, he was used to that, he'd held her hand on numerous occasions… when one of them was comforting the other, when they were grasping onto each other for reassurance or celebrating a shared victory, even just walking home from dinner together, but never like this. Never when hers was so limp because she couldn't respond or squeeze his in return.

Then again, aside from that small nod, she still hadn't moved at all. He wasn't used to seeing her like this, so lifeless. It was so similar to right before he had broken the glass in the lab and that was unnerving. It threw him right back into that moment where she had been leaning against the wall, eyes closed while taking shallow breaths that were coming way too slow for his liking.

It was a stark contrast to the moments leading up to it though, moments that OA desperately wanted to forget. Yes, she had been conscious and able to speak at that time… but it was still something OA wishes to have not witnessed.

He had never seen Maggie so panicked and desperate… so scared… and he never wanted to again. Not his Maggie, the woman who was always calm and in control but now, he wouldn't ever be able to forget her expression of pure terror. He knew without a doubt that it would haunt him for the rest of his life, and that he would forever hear her pleas as she begged him to get her out.

The last thing she saw before falling unconscious was her partner failing to rescue her… and guilt had already settled deep in his gut for it.

He had let Maggie down.

During their first few months as partners, OA had promised himself that he would always do everything in his power to protect Maggie, and that her safety would always be prioritized over his own. Ever since then, that had been the case. Whether it be situations outside of their control, or ones they were put in due to his own recklessness, he made sure to do whatever he could to get her out unscathed. Even if it would mean the point of death for him, it would be worth it to know she was safe… just like he always knew he would take a bullet for her if it came to it.

If only he had gone to those lengths this time.

He kept asking himself the same question over and over… how did it come to this? Just this morning, he was sitting at his and Maggie's favorite café, discussing tomorrow night's dinner plans with his mom and sisters. How had it gone from excitement over that, to watching Maggie fight for her life?

He only had one answer to that… he had failed. Yes, he exposed himself to the sarin gas and had pulled her out, essentially sacrificing his safety, their matching hospital bands proof of that, but it wasn't enough. His sacrifice would never be enough because she was still laying here unconscious after sacrificing herself for her city.

He should be laying there in her place. It should have been him taking the worse of it, not her.

His actions, however, would never compare to what she had done, they would never compare to her heroism and the lives she saved. She had protected so many people who would never even realize it, and he couldn't even protect her.

She had saved his life countless times, and he always swore to do the same. He owed it to her, she deserved it, deserved so much better than he had given her.

Tears blurred his vision and he wasn't sure if they were from the fear or the guilt. He looked down, staring at his and Maggie's hospital bands. They were mocking him, seemingly a representation of the thoughts that had just plagued his mind, a comparison of how the two of them had handled the case today.

She hadn't hesitated to pursue their target and put herself in the line of fire, but he had hesitated when it came to rushing into that lab. Instead of breaking in immediately, he waited to find that mask. If he had the chance to do it all over again, he wouldn't hesitate… so why had he earlier?

Maybe it had to do with his time overseas. Maybe after seeing the gas deployed then and the effects it had, his subconscious was keeping him from putting himself in that position. He didn't know, but either way, it shouldn't have happened. All of his focus should have been on her, and if anyone were to ask him now what his biggest regret in life was, it was his response to the situation only hours prior.

Before his thoughts could drag him any deeper into his guilt, there was a light knock on the door followed by Jubal stepping into the room.

"Hey, how is she?"

He turned his attention back to the brunette in question, his eyes stuck on the slow rise and fall of her chest. "Not really any change." His voice was hoarse and the sound made him cringe. He didn't mention the slight response he had received from her earlier, no reason to give the other man any false hope.

"I, uh, didn't get a chance to talk to you about this earlier, but I called Maggie's family."

OA mentally chastised himself for not thinking of them sooner. How could he have forgotten about calling them? That responsibility should have fallen on him as her partner. "I'm sorry, that should have been me."

"You've been through enough, OA. You didn't need the weight of that on top of everything else. I didn't mind doing it, but unfortunately, they won't be coming. Maggie's father is having some health issues, and her step-mother doesn't really want to leave him, not sure if she even can. Her brother is overseas and I can't find a way to get in touch with Erin... which I'm sure you already know all of this."

OA nodded. He did know and understood why they couldn't come. He and Maggie had discussed flying out to Indiana over the weekend to visit her father. His current health condition had Maggie concerned, as did her brother's most recent deployment. She hadn't spoken to Erin since right after the overdose, but that situation was weighing heavily on her as well. "Yeah, there's a lot going on with her family right now. She's been pretty stressed over all of them."

"I spoke to her step-mom. If there's anyway they could be here…"

"Maggie will understand. She wouldn't want them here worrying over her or seeing her like this anyways." It felt strange to talk about her while she was right there in the same room, but at the moment, she couldn't speak for herself. OA knew her well enough though to know what she would say, what she was probably thinking if she could still hear them.

Jubal nodded in understanding. "Everyone went home for the night. I'm getting ready to head out too, but we'll be here first thing in the morning to check on both of you. Do you need anything before I go?"

"No, thank you."

"Okay, well you let me know if anything changes."

OA didn't want to think about that unless it was a change for the better, but he promised to let Jubal know either way. The other man appeared reluctant to leave, but OA knew he had to be exhausted. "We'll be fine. Go get some sleep."

"Yeah… yeah, I will. You try to sleep too."

OA just nodded, knowing that probably wouldn't be much of a possibility right now. Glancing back at the window, he noted the near black sky and just how late it really was. He hadn't paid any attention to the time before.

Jubal left after another moment, but it wasn't long before there was a second knock at the door. This time it was a nurse who entered the room. OA vaguely recognized her from earlier when he was first admitted.

"Good evening, Agent Zidan. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." He was far from fine and this was anything but a good evening, but he was pretty sure she was asking how he was feeling physically. In that case, he wasn't really feeling any effects of the sarin gas.

"Well, I'm here to take you back to your room. The doctor would like to go over your test results soon, and visiting hours are over. You need to be in your own room for observation."

He could care less about his test results and he sure as hell wasn't leaving this room. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going anywhere."

"Sir, you can't be in here. I'm sorry, but it's protocol. The only exception is immediate family. She can have one family member in here after hours."

"We are family."

She appeared skeptical but was still maintaining her patience. "I didn't realize that. I was just told the two of you are partners. How are you related?"

"She's my fiancé." Okay, so not technically true, but he figured that would get a bit more leeway… and Maggie was his family.

She eyed him for a moment.

"Please, you have to let me stay with her. I can't leave her." He didn't care that he was begging. He had made Maggie a promise. He had told her that he would be here for her as long as it took… and while yes, he was talking about in the long run, to him, keeping that promise meant being literally right beside of her… though he couldn't deny that was for his benefit as well because the thought of not being able to see her right now made his chest ache.

The older nurse must've seen the desperation in his eyes because she was suddenly nodding and giving him a comforting smile. "Of course, dear. What kind of person would I be if I took you away from your fiancé? That's fine, but I do need to check your vitals."

"Okay." He was willing to do almost anything as long as he didn't have to leave. "Thank you." He looked up at her, hoping to convey his genuine gratitude. He was pretty sure she could see right through his little lie, but he didn't care.

Sandra, according to her name tag, just gave him another smile before going to work. After a few moments she finished checking his vitals, then told him to hit the call button if he needed anything. The doctor would be in there in the morning to check over Maggie.

After she left, OA grabbed Maggie's hand again and gave it a squeeze. "You hear that, Mags? I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be right here with you, I promise." He slid his chair even closer and rested his head on the pillow beside of hers. It was a little awkward with the railing, but he made it work, his desire to be near her outweighing any discomfort.

She would be okay… she had to be. She was strong, a fighter, she would pull through and someday this would all just be a distant memory… a terrifying reminder of how much they almost lost.

He shuddered at that, gripping Maggie's hand all that much tighter. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. From here on out, he would protect his partner no matter the cost and just be grateful for another opportunity to do so… because that would mean that she was still with him.

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to be comforted by his partner's presence and the rhythmic beeping of her monitor. Exhaustion was starting to consume him, the adrenaline of this evening finally out of his system. Sleep wasn't as distant as he originally expected, and it wasn't long before he felt himself drifting off.

Maybe it was minutes, or possibly even hours later, but after a while OA was startled awake by a loud noise coming from the other side of the bed. He jumped up from his seat, his stomach dropping as he realized the sound was emanating from Maggie's monitor. It was beeping rapidly as her heart rate dropped and she lay motionless.

He barely heard the code blue called over the loudspeakers in the hallway, and it took him a moment to realize that was for Maggie.

He stood paralyzed as the numbers on the screen continued to drop, and the alarm was joined by one long and steady beep that seemed to pierce right through his heart.

The door burst open and a swarm of medical staff rushed through with a crash cart. OA was immediately pushed out of the way.

He didn't fight, his brain not processing what had happened until he was standing in the hallway with the door being slammed in his face… but if he thought he had been afraid before… that was nothing compared to the ice-cold terror that just flooded his veins.