"Did you start writing last night?" Laura asked over breakfast.
"No, but I did go over some stuff."
"How was it?"
"Odd, very odd. I forgot how many times I screwed up. I don't know how Matska kept me in line for so long," Carmilla admitted.
"What did you do?"
"She just had to babysit me so I didn't kill anyone before I was ready. I don't think I could take on the responsibility of a baby vampire ever."
"You wouldn't have the patience."
Carmilla nodded in agreement, "I'd probably kill them." She guided Laura into her lap, "I did like looking back on my past accomplishments."
"Accomplishments? Oh, dude," she protested.
Carmilla brought her in for a deeply passionate kiss and pulled her leg across until her partner was fully on top of her. Laura draped her arms over her shoulders until she could place a hand on the back of Carmilla's head.
When they finally pulled away, Laura stated, "Well, I'm glad you thought of me."
Carmilla captured her lips again, "You're all I could think about. Most everyone else used me or you know whatever, but you were the first person who saw me."
Her wife quickly embraced her tightly before giving her another lingering kiss. She sat back in Carmilla's lap when they parted. "God, I love you." She played with her black hair by combing her fingers through the wavy strands. "I don't really want to go to work today, but I don't have any more sick days until next month, so…" Laura got off of her partner's lap and ate. "Tonight, I promise."
Every time I had a connection with someone, one of us wanted something from the other. Anne wanted secrets, Nanaya wanted to hold something over Mother, and my targets were to be sacrificed. We traveled from palace to palace to collect our offerings and in 1872, it started the same way. We were in a carriage where Mother briefed me on our latest target.
"Where are we?" I asked.
"Wernigerode Castle. Are you ready Mircalla?" Mother checked-in.
"Yes."
"Your target is Elle Fräulein zu Sheridan-Wernigerode. She is the niece of Otto Graf zu Stolberg-Wernigerode, staying for an indefinite time."
"Would you like me to turn or abduct her?"
"Abduct, we need time to bring her to Silas."
"Yes, Mother. I will write to you when she is ready."
"That's my girl. Oh, and use Carmilla this time," she smiled. "We're a little too close to home."
We played out the usual ruse by breaking down as a way to get into the Schloss. I pretended to pass out and played up an illness until I finally 'awoke' to a young boy by my bedside. He was quickly ushered out by a woman dressed too well to be a governess.
"Do not bother the kind lady, Hermann," she berated him.
I studied her as I tried to figure out if she was my target. She was pleasant in both attitude and face with green eyes that took me aback. My words caught in my mouth as I sized her up. She gave me a shy smile in the awkward silence before leaving me to recoup. I finally let out a sigh and covered my mouth in slight embarrassment. She did return once the boy was gone.
"I apologize for my cousin, he was only curious. He didn't mean to be rude," she explained. "How are you feeling, you took quite a tumble."
"Much better, thank you. I still feel dizzy, though."
"Your mother said she had to leave so she asked that we care for you until she could return."
"Of course, she values her work above all else."
"What does she do?"
"We're merchants, she and her partner travel Europe to supply chefs with spices and herbs."
"Really?" the woman smiled with genuine intrigue. "That must be exciting!"
"It is but we never stop traveling."
"What's been your favorite place?"
"Prussia, two years ago. We had time to relax and travel to different palaces where I met the most interesting people at galas."
"That sounds fantastic. My name is Elle, I'm the niece of Graf u Stolberg-Wernigerode. What is your name?"
"...Carmilla."
She looked at me with a curious gaze. "I will have a maid bring your breakfast."
"Oh, Fräulein Elle, I would very much love to go for a walk, would you care to join me?"
"Of course."
I honestly never thought I would meet a victim I wanted to save. She was more kind than others who felt uppity for whatever nobility they held and acted snobbish in Carmilla's presence. I couldn't let myself get distracted but I still had to get close to Elle. After changing into their clothes, I decided to familiarize myself with the manor and its history by roaming the halls. There were landscapes on the walls and between the windows were small portraits of people with gilded labels of every family member who occupied the Schloss.
I came upon two tall oak doors which opened into a grand room with full-length windows. The view was immaculate as it overlooked the surrounding town miles below and a dense forest that encroached upon the building's walls. Yet at dawn, the intimidating trees were inviting as the sun peaked ever so slightly over the canopy and spread yellow rays rolling up into the quiet room. Tall bookcases lined the room and against the wall was a wealthy hearth with a few chairs and benches to rest and ponder. I approached one of the looming shelves and pulled a book from the wall which was titled, 'Die Elixiere des Teufels; E. T. A. Hoffmann'.
"Interested in the macabre?" Elle's soft voice echoed.
I nearly jumped at her sudden presence. "Fräulein Elle, I didn't expect you. I hope you don't mind me looking around a little."
"Of course not. I understand. When my parents first sent me here, I spent the nights wandering this manor before I could sleep soundly." She approached me. "I never understood why we had that ook, my uncle is a very superstitious man."
"What is it about?"
She confidently took it from my hands to thumb through the pages as she paced to the other side of the room. "A young and reckless monk who makes a deal with the devil and faces the consequences." She looked at another bookshelf and pulled a new novel from the bookcase. "I enjoy this one, though." Elle brought it to me, holding it out for me to take.
"What is this one?"
"Dream of the Red Chamber is a series of poems by a Chinese woman, but we only have this copy in English."
"Well, then it's good that I'm fluent."
"It is a book unlike most others," she began to explain. "I hope you enjoy it."
"Thank you." I tucked the book into the crook of my elbow. "Would you like to take that walk?"
"I would very much enjoy that," she confirmed and led me out of the house. "You are very intriguing, Carmilla."
"How so?"
"It's so odd how you came upon our little castle in the middle of Europe."
"I only follow my Mother's orders. I never question her."
"Why not?"
"I haven't had to."
"Maybe you should?"
Baffled at her opinion, I asked, "Why?"
"I have learned in my life that it is okay to question our society. I always seek to learn more from our ancestors and promote those who strive to create a better future." We exited the manor and took a stone path within the confines. "Is there anywhere you'd like to explore?"
"North America."
"Fresh from war, I hear they're going through a tough time but are culturally becoming more enriched since their westward expansion."
"What about yourself?"
"I have always been interested in New York. I know they have a museum that opened a few years ago."
A few quiet moments passed as we passed a pond where ducks flew into so we sat at a bench to watch. I looked at the book in my arms and began to read while Elle looked at me. I could feel her eyes regard my movements and judge the speed of my reading and comprehension. She studied my emotions as I read through the poems. As I read I honed in on her nearly silent breathing and the quiet thump of her heart.
"I have noticed some problems between the translations," she finally informed me.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the poem you're currently reading was not meant for a lover in the navy as they've inferred, but one she could never have."
"What do you mean by that?" I innocently implored.
"When she says, 'I could not see you across the sea, but in my heart above all else I persisted but failed', she means that she and her lover were torn apart by a permanent force that prevented them from meeting again."
"Is she a modern Sappho?"
"Sappho? I do not recognize that author."
"An old friend told me about her. She was a Greek storyteller lost to time and man."
"Shame."
"Truly," I agreed.
Elle let me read as she walked around the pond and picked flowers. Lunch was served and we talked the day away. It felt superficial as I always tried when I spun my tales but Elle was just too interested in me. She was much more perceptive than most and while the queries weren't invasive, I felt vulnerable to her in a way I hadn't with any other target. As the sun reached its evening position, she reached out to take my hand.
"Would you like to walk back?"
"I would, thank you." Without thinking, I placed my hand in hers.
She held on tight in shock, "Your hands are frozen. Are you sure you feel okay?"
"Yes," I promised and pulled away. "My hands are always cold."
She took my hands again in protest, I thought, to press her lips against the palms of my hands. I felt my throat close when I tried to speak and Elle proceeded to lock eyes with me to gauge my reaction. It all moved too fast but I felt bereft of that kind of attention so when she made a move to head back to the manor, I took had hand and stayed put. She looked at our physical contact and I could feel her heart beat wildly under my fingers. Her cheeks went flush and I kissed her.
Elle pulled away instantly, making me feel like a fool, but when I tried to apologize, she only closed the gap. She kept her hands at my chin and neck while mine wandered to her cinched waist. I wanted to tear her stays apart so I could feel her heart against my chest and I could tell she was equally as frustrated with our layers as she gently pawed at the hooks on my dress.
She pulled away first to place enticing kisses against my throat and clavicle. "You are like ice," she whispered.
Her warm breath made me flustered and my stomach stirred at being found out somehow. My body tightened and clenched as her teeth found my still artery. Once she elicited a soft sigh, she pulled away to give me one more chaste kiss. When she finally pulled away, I couldn't help but feel the sudden loss at our whirlwind moment.
"I must leave for a meeting," Elle explained. "But we can continue this later if you would like?"
"I would very much enjoy that."
Looking back on our time together, I had never been caught by a victim before. I saw them as my ticket to survival but Elle was so different. I was entranced by her intellectual prowess and in a way, she intimidated and challenged me and her outward kindness made her all the more unassuming until she would prove how well she read me. Only days passed but we were quick to accelerate our relationship. We would steal away to the corners unseen by maids or servants for a moment alone and any second we got would be spent in our shared desperation for any kinship.
"I want to see the world like you have," she suddenly confided in me one night.
I was shocked but immediately agreed. "Where do you want to go?"
"To the Western World. I want to travel across the plains and see what's there!" She was a vision in her excitement and sat fully up in bed. "I want to start in France and England then travel to New York." I pulled her onto my lap and nodded along to her dreams while I began to put together our grand escape. "I'll ask to bring you along to one of my meetings then we can rent an apartment until we can get a ticket out of here."
I captured her lips in ecstasy fuelled by my genuine amazement in her. I could have never thought of leaving Mother or Matska, but for the first time, I was caught up in our dreams, in my own dream, of living with someone I could viably see as my partner. I had forgotten my true nature or how little Elle really understood about me. We followed through perfectly with our plan. Although resistant at first, Otto allowed me to be her companion to Germany where we caught a train to France and took the ship to England where we had a place to stay. I was the one who found our ticket to New York but it was all for naught. Mother was quick to intervene once she discovered our plan and turned my first love against me. Elle lashed out and I was suddenly alone in a room we had made for ourselves as I waited for my next task.
Mother dragged me home far from her where she could properly reprimand me. She then tasked our latest addition with watching over me until I could be trusted again. He mocked and derided me when he saw fit but I was all too heartbroken to fight back until he finally crossed the line.
"You were a fool, Mircalla." Valerijs taunted.
"I know."
"Muļķīgi slampa."
Matska glanced at us and huffed, "Stop fighting, idiots. Mother needs us at our best."
"Can not get distracted now."
I glanced at him and scoffed. "Kush arsch."
He lunged at me, his teeth bare, but Matska held him back.
"At least I do what I am told!" he yelled. "You screwed us over and I had to clean up your dievbijīgs haoss!"
"What do you mean?"
"Val," she warned.
He pulled away and puffed out his shirt before turning to me. "Your little prize tasted like debesmanna."
Unbridled rage filled my soul and I lunged at Valerijs with all of my might. My sister backed against the wall as I slashed mercilessly at his face, snapping my jaws around his neck to pry open his throat. Once I was finished, his body slumped in a bloody mess on the floor. Matska stood back in terror as Mother watched on, a hand out to hold me still.
"Mother," I tried to plead.
"No, Mircalla. You have let me down and now your brother is dead by your hand."
"I-"
"SILENCE!" she boomed. "You are to suffer for eternity alone."
She closed her hand into a fist and the world went dark. When I finally awoke, I had been placed into a coffin filled with blood. My sister gazed down at me with somber eyes unable to help anymore even as I cried for her. The cover was nailed shut and I was buried. For years I sobbed and slept and drank in suffocating pitch-black nothingness and in an eon, I tried to stay hopeful for a chance at seeing the light again.
I knew then, that I was lost. Whatever innocence that had carried over from my life before this could never resurface. I grew cold and unbreakable.
Time passed slower than before and blackness filled my sight while the life drained from my soul. In the endless torture, a crashing explosion filled my ears, then another, and another. It seemed endless and finally, a sliver of light blinded me. I began to claw at the coffin until another explosion shook the confines of my prison. I heard yelling and crying echo from high above before I began to hear German.
"What is this?" one asked.
"Wood. A coffin?"
"I think so?"
A scraping noise rattled the coffin before another explosion occurred.
"Fuck that, we don't have time. We still got these fuckers to deal with!"
"Fine, let's go," he agreed.
They jumped off and left me behind as more explosions and gunfire carried over into the late hours of the day in an endless battle. At that time, I punched and pushed my way out until the coffin finally gave way. I found myself in a crater with a shell mere meters from my prison. I clawed my way out to find the ground beaten and decimated by war. I saw soldiers in the distance and corpses all around me. As I approached a camp, I could tell the speakers were German as they spoke a nearly unrecognizable dialect with some Italian fellows. Their speech was lazy and had new words I had never heard. They spoke of tanks, planes, mines, and cars. I stumbled around until they saw me. A soldier raised his rifle.
"Who are you!" he barked.
"Relax, Ridscht, she's hot, cool it," his friend tried to convince him. "We haven't seen a lady in months. How'd you get here, princess?"
"Countess," I corrected. "What day is it?"
"November 20th."
"The year?"
"1940," he shrugged. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, but you, I'm not too sure."
I quickly attacked him and began feeding on his corpse, terrifying his comrades into fleeing from camp. He was my first fresh meat in decades apparently. As I thought of my independence I grew somber and laid flat on my back once I had finished. Time had passed and even if Elle hadn't been murdered, she would have been long gone, too. She died believing me to be a monster, which I became because of meeting her, and alone at the hands of that terrifying monster I called a brother.
I was so broken and lost.
Mother succeeded and now there was nothing for me.
I eventually left the active battlefield with only the clothes on my back and no destination. War-torn Austria pulled me back to its comforting embrace where I killed when I felt hunger and time passed in odd increments as I became a murdering machine. I moved from town to town until I found my way back home. I hadn't been there in over two hundred and fifty years and what was left was now a decrepit palace lost to time and wars. Cold walls greeted me and dark hallways unchanged since they had been abandoned drew me into the heart of the compound where dreamy memories from ancient galas and lessons haunted the walls.
My family was long gone and so was I. The Karnsteins were extinct and now only a dusty and macabre memory remained. My room had been repainted over the years and any memory of Mircalla was lost to mythos. I passed by familiar ancestors down the winding hallways until I got to my family portrait. I stopped and stared at it. When it was finished I would have been sixteen. I looked at my siblings and finally, my eyes laid upon my birth mother. She was so beautiful and I was a spitting image of a much darker and corrupted version. My father stood strong in his royal regalia where the artist had taken the liberty of perfectly replicating his icy stare that would bear into us if we disappointed him.
I found a knife which I used to cut out our portrait and I tenderly rolled up the painting before escaping through a broken window toward Silas. I knew that if I just kept heading west I could get there. Although, another part of myself didn't care whether I got there or not.
I checked maps between feeding at night and only got turned around a few times. It took time to grow accustomed to the new technology. Being trapped for seventy years meant missing out on how the future came to be. Cars were everywhere and roads paved in fused rocks replaced the dirt and cobblestones I remembered. I saw the rise of women's rights and a drastic change in fashion which I appreciated. Cities rose from towns and villages and Austria, still recovering from that devastating war, began thriving once more.
Years passed as I waited for the next sacrifice but with the 50s in full swing, I learned about a terrifying dean with two adopted children who attended the new university. I guessed correctly that it was Mother, Matska, and a replacement.
I remember asking around about the campus until someone steered me in the correct direction. The place they called home was the same place we had sacrificial feasts years ago. I knocked on the door of that ancient establishment to be greeted by a moody young man with uncharacteristically black eyes.
"Good day."
"Good morning," I returned. "I'm looking for the Dean?"
"Do you have an appointment?"
"A surprise visit. Just tell her that an old friend came to talk."
"May I have a name?"
I paused for a moment and smiled at his cocky face. "Elle Sheridan."
He nodded, leaving the door open as he ran up the stairs. I walked in and explored the lobby. The wallpaper was still the same, but certain designs were unfamiliar like pictures on the wall and the furniture was more modern.
"Mircalla Karnstein." A slithering voice greeted.
I turned around, face to face with this amazon of a woman. She had that thin creeping smile and those narrow amber eyes that once terrified me into submission as a child. I smirked back at her, no longer affected by those features.
"Did you miss me?"
"I missed your smile, but by the look of you, I will always miss it. Did you learn your lesson?"
Silence fell and tense air filled the room. I finally laughed and nodded. "Of course." I meandered around the room to circle Mother and picked up a book. "In the twentieth century, do people no longer treat their guests?"
"How uncivilized of me." She smiled. "Will, could you please give Ms. Karnstein a glass of our special liquor?"
The man nodded and walked away.
"So when did you get him?"
"The thirties. It was so hard to find another as curious and loyal as Val, I just hope you don't kill him too."
I didn't respond to her jibe and instead asked, "How did you land this job?"
"Friends with connections."
"Oh, yes. How is Nanaya by the way?"
"Nana is fine. She sensed you were free, but I didn't think you would find your way here."
"How sweet of her. Tell her I am sorry to have missed the party, and I'll make it up to her soon."
"Tell her yourself, that is if you are willing to work with us."
"Of course."
"Good," she smiled.
Will returned with two glasses of blood which he handed to us.
"You will have to work soon."
"Why?"
"Do you even know what year it is?"
"Lost in the fun."
"You have four months to get a new sacrifice, Mircalla."
"What year is it?"
"1954."
"Well, a toast to our new partnership and a drink for good luck." I smiled reaching out with my glass.
She accepted my offer and we drank. I may have lied to my Mother, but I did get a virgin to sacrifice when asked. I would, however, become judge and jury for whomever I gave away. I would scare away those who did not deserve that fate and bring her people I wanted to subtract from the population. If I ever tried to leave, Mother would send Will on my trail and if I could give him the runaround, Matska would be quick to follow and eventually succeed in bringing me home.
The only time I felt anything was over half a century later when I roomed with Laura. No one lit me up like her. She loved me through every moment of my life no matter what I did in my past or how often I tried to scare her away. Inadvertently, she reminded me how precious life was and I slowly became someone I wanted to be.
She made me laugh and cry and despite crossing or hurting me, I couldn't help but forgive her trespasses and it gave back to me my mortality, something I had dreamed of for years.
