Warning: Mature themes ahead (this chapter contains smut). If you're not into that, feel free to skip ahead. For those of you who are into that, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. I only own my OCs and the plot.
Enjoy and let me know what you think! Thank you to those who followed and favourited, it's a bit surreal but very much appreciated!
Emi POV
I stepped inside one of the Haninozuka dojos, ready for my first martial arts lesson with Honey. I was barefoot and already dressed in a keikogi. The blonde bunny-loving ninja materialized before me, hair mussed up and cheeks slightly flushed. He'd clearly already been training but my mind supplied me with a list of alternative actions that could have led to his current appearance, a list that was less than innocent.
"Hi Emi, are you ready?" he asked, using the deeper voice I'd only heard him use when he was serious and when he was in what I had dubbed as 'sexy angel mode'.
I felt heat crawl into my cheeks as I realized I'd been staring at him unabashedly. "Oh, h-hi Honey. Um, yes, I'm ready."
"Good. Come here," he ordered, beckoning for me to come closer.
God, that voice. I felt a thrill run through me at the mere sound of it. At this rate I had no idea how I was going to make it through this whole lesson.
I wobbled over to his side and looked to him for further instruction. To my surprise (and pleasure, if I was being honest), he began gently moving my body into position. He stepped back and looked me over, then shook his head.
"Hmm, that's not quite it. Try to copy me." He proceeded to step into what I assumed was some sort of basic karate stance and then looked at me expectantly. I awkwardly tried to emulate him, feeling extremely self-conscious standing in front of the gorgeous man before me.
"L-like this?"
"Nuh-uh, that's not it either Emi… Here, maybe it'll be easier if you can see me better."
"Wha-," I began, wondering why he thought I couldn't see him when I was already wearing my glasses. But the sentence died in my throat as I saw him reaching for the black belt around his waist and loosen it. It slowly came undone and he tossed it to the side. Then the front of his top was opening, revealing his smooth chest. His skin was practically glowing, only adding to his angelic appearance, if angels had smouldering eyes that had the ability to instantly dampen your underwear. And then his top was completely off and I was gazing at his lightly toned abs and the nearly invisible trail of fine golden hair that led my eye down to the waistband of his pants, before I caught myself and snapped my eyes back up to his face.
His lips were quirked into a smirk and if his eyes had been smouldering before, they were positively on fire now.
"Why don't you try touching me Emi?" he proposed, holding his hands out in a casual shrug.
"E-eh?!" I squeaked, hiding my embarrassment with my trembling hands. Surely I had misheard him.
His calloused hands reached out and tugged my hands away from my face. He guided one of my hands to his abdomen and the other to one of biceps, then positioned himself into the formation he'd been trying to get me to do earlier.
He sparkled innocently, "Maybe if you touch me, you can feel what my muscles are doing."
"A-ah, right! Like in dance. Right. Of course."
"Mhm! So? Do you feel it?" he asked me.
I certainly felt something. I felt the softness of his skin and the firmness of the muscle beneath it. I felt the way my fingers longed to roam and skim along the planes of his body. I felt the way my breath hitched and my-
I snapped my eyes open and stared at my ceiling as I noticed how horny I was. I squinted, trying to remember what I had dreamt about that had affected me this strongly. It had been a while since I'd felt this turned on, with the exception of that moment at the beach house with Honey…
Honey! In a flash, the content of my dream came back to me and I bit back a groan. Fuck… I had a provocative dream about Honey… and I wish it hadn't ended.
My pussy throbbed demandingly, reminding me that it had been far too long since I'd met that particular need. Slowly, I trailed my hand down past my stomach, parted the curls that resided between my legs, and circled my clit with my forefinger. I tilted my head back into my pillow as I felt my body respond to my ministrations. But it wasn't enough. Nearly without any conscious decision to do so, my mind conjured up an image of Honey shirtless. I remembered laying underneath him at the beach house, his eyes raking down my body.
I ran my other hand up my stomach to tease and pinch one of my nipples, as I imagined it was his hand between my legs. I moaned lightly at the tension I felt building in my abdomen. It was his hand dipping into the juices accumulating at my entrance, his finger sliding inside of me. I squirmed, bucking up slightly, wanting more. Wanting…
I huffed in frustration, moving my other hand to rummage through my drawer before I lost my momentum and my imagination faded. My fingers found smooth silicone and I pulled out the pink dildo that I kept for occasions such as this. After a second's thought, I also pulled out my vibrator and slipped out of bed to settle on the floor. I pushed the suction base of the dildo against the floor, shut my eyes, and resumed my imaginings.
Now it was Honey who was below me on the beach house bed. I imagined him lying there, blonde locks splayed across the pillow as his hands gripped at my hips and guided them down. Knees on the floor, I lowered myself down onto the dildo, gasping at the feeling of fullness that left me wanting more. And then it was Honey I was riding as I slowly slid up and down. It was his cock that was becoming slippery with my juices and his hand gripping my breast.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I whispered, eyes clenched shut as I pressed the vibrator to my clit and felt my inner walls spasm warningly. I imagined the blonde guiding my hips up and down, higher and deeper, faster and faster as I got closer to release. I saw his heated eyes become clouded as they looked into mine. I imagined him groaning, telling me he was close. I saw him sitting up to take one of my breasts into his mouth and I tilted my head back and I was so close so close so close and he was whispering for me to cum and I was, my inner walls clenching almost painfully and my body shuddering to a stop as waves of pleasure crashed through my body and my heart pounded.
…Fuck.
I waited for my body to stop pulsing and twitching, then opened my eyes. Slowly, the lustful haze retreated and I sighed as I got to my feet, heedless of the headrush, and began cleaning up myself and my toys. As I did, I felt guilt begin to gnaw at my stomach.
Is it wrong to masturbate to someone? To a friend?
And it wasn't just guilt I felt but confusion. Overwhelming confusion.
I mean is he just a friend? I clearly think of him as a bit more than that…But maybe I'm just fantasizing about him because he's really fucking attractive! I mean there's no disputing that fact and I do have functioning eyes!
I heaved another sigh as I went around and around in my head while I showered and dressed. I had absolutely never fantasized about a friend, regardless of gender. But I'd also never even been attracted to a friend. I knew it was possible for people to find their friends attractive, but that had never been the case for me (I mean, beyond being able to tell objectively that someone was attractive). In some ways I was rather all-or-nothing when it came to romance.
Romance?! Whoa, I need to back up on that. We were just talking about simple attraction… Right? Right… But am I capable of simple attraction?
I took a moment to pause, trying to remember if I'd ever been attracted to someone without having romantic feelings.
Yeah, I've definitely been physically attracted to people before without actually wanting to pursue anything either physically or romantically… Is that what's happening here?... It doesn't really feel the same… I don't want to just fantasize in passing. I want more… But I've never been into casual sex and I'm still not… So does that mean…
"WAIT. Do I want to be in a relationship with Honey?!"
Oh my god, what? But… women! Non-binary people! And he's my friend! A friend that's part of a big group of friends!
I began pacing around my living room, tugging on my braids as I thought about my newfound dilemma. But no matter how much I paced I couldn't seem to slow my mind enough to make sense of my thoughts.
I need to call Avery.
Checking the time and seeing that Avery would probably still be up I hastily initiated a videocall. I sat down and tapped my toes on the floor as I hoped for her to answer.
As soon as she answered, and before she could so much as say 'hello', I began word-vomiting everything on my mind in a frantic jumble.
"Oh my god Avery, hi by the way, I know it's a bit late there but I have a huge problem! You remember Honey, right? You know he's super attractive and cute, right? Well, I-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" she cut in, blue eyes wide at my unusually verbose greeting. She held out her hands as if trying to calm a spooked horse. To be fair, I was a bit spooked at the moment. "Start from the beginning. This is about Honey?"
I took a breath and did my best to gather my thoughts. "Sorry, um yes, it's about Honey. I think I…I think I might like him. Romantically." Even just saying that out loud had my heart galloping ahead.
I jumped as a loud squeal came through the phone and stared in bewilderment at a victory-dancing Avery. "Um, Avery?"
She paused, lowering her arms and righting herself in her seat, "Right, sorry, it's just that I SO called it. I knew it!"
I gaped, "What? How could you possibly have known I would end up liking him?!"
She shrugged, "Well he has the whole somewhat androgynous thing going for him and you always were a sucker for pretty men and masc women. Plus the way you talk about him… Like, you always seemed most excited and nervous to spend time with him, compared to the other hosts."
"Hmm… well I guess that's true…"
She leaned back in her chair, tilting her head as she peered at me in confusion, "So, what's the 'huge problem'?"
"Uh, well, for one I'm Queer. And yes I know the whole reason I identify as Queer is because it expresses the fact that sexuality is fluid but… I haven't had a crush on a guy since… well, since I realized I was into women!"
She stared at me as if I had grown an extra head, "…But you like him right?"
"…yeah…?"
"So what does it matter that this is the first crush you've had on a guy in a while? You know you like him and you know you're physically attracted to him…"
I slid my hands down my face dramatically as I groaned, "Because! What if my brain hasn't fully processed what him being male would mean? I mean.." I blushed slightly but forged ahead in an attempt to appear mature. "I know I'm jumping ahead but…I've always been sort of repulsed by penises and, as far as I know, he owns one of those! Like, don't get me wrong, I AM physically attracted to him, and if I ignore the anxious and insecure parts of myself, the idea of having sex with him is… extremely appealing to say the least. But, what if my brain just isn't putting two and two together? Can you imagine if we did start something and then it turned out I couldn't bear the idea of- of penetrative sex with a real penis?! Or giving a blowjob?! I don't know how to do that!"
Avery nibbled on the tip of a nail as she considered my mini rant, not at all phased by my talk of penises and penetration, "Well first of all nobody knows how to give a blowjob the first time. But putting that aside…if it turned out you really didn't want P-in-V sex, would that be a deal breaker?"
I was quick to reject the idea, "Of course it wouldn't be a deal breaker for ME! I mean I've never had P-in-V sex and I don't at all feel like I've been missing out. That's what fingers and toys are for! But… I'm pretty sure it might be a deal breaker for most guys…"
She pursed her lips, nodding slightly, "I'm not gonna lie, you might have a point there… But Honey also isn't 'most guys'. And you can't know what would and wouldn't be a deal breaker for him without asking."
I pouted, crossing my arms as I acknowledged her reasoning. "You're right, once again. So irritatingly rational as always."
"Yep," she said, popping the p and mockingly flipping her hair over her shoulder. "So, so far it seems like you just gotta give it a go!"
"But… he's also my friend and all the friends I have here are friends of his! Couldn't that complicate things? Or make things awkward? Especially if he finds out I like him and he doesn't feel the same way!" I wailed.
"I mean it could be… but you're all adults. And I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself… In the worst case scenario, if he finds out or you tell him and he doesn't feel the same way, Honey seems like the type who would handle things with compassion and discretion. But! There's also the possibility that he DOES feel the same way!"
I scoffed, "Please, Avery, c'mon. He's fucking GORGEOUS! He could have literally anyone he wanted. Statistically speaking, why the FUCK would he choose me?"
Avery slammed her hands down on her desk with a resounding 'SLAP' that made me wince. She stared me down through the camera, eyes blazing. "Girl, SHUT THE FUCK UP with your 'statistically speaking' bullshit. You're gorgeous too! And you're FUCKING awesome. I have impeccable taste and I chose you as my best friend so that should mean something."
My extreme difficulty accepting a compliment decided to rear its ugly head, leaving me to glance around awkwardly and find a way to move on as quickly as possible, "Um, well, yes, you do have impeccable taste, and I take your point… But, there's also the fact that his family is like from a whole other class, with completely different expectations. I don't even know if he'd be allowed to date me!"
"Okay, well that one I know nothing about but Takashi-"
"Ouu, 'Takashi' is it?" I grinned, "Sounds like you two are getting close!"
I was surprised to see her blush slightly, "Yeah well he's also gorgeous, and he's a super sweet and honourable guy. What more could I ask for? Except for us to be in the same physical location, of course. Not that it matters cause we're just talking."
I raised my eyebrows skeptically, "Yeah, yeah, sure. Just talking, I'm sure."
"ANYWAY, back to what I was saying before, Takashi makes it sound like he and his cousin's families have expectations but do give them a certain degree of freedom of choice. I don't really know exactly what that means… but I guess that's another thing you'd have to talk to Honey about," she shrugged.
"Ugghhhh, why must all the answers lead back to talking to him?!" I groaned, flopping back onto my sofa and banging the back of my head against its cushioned surface.
"Hey, nobody ever said romance was easy!" she pointed out way too rationally.
"I know but… I don't know if I can do it… Just go up to him and tell him how I feel? It just feels way too vulnerable and risky."
She hummed, grimacing sympathetically, "Yeah I'm definitely with you on that one. That shit is scary! But, hey, what if you started small?"
I perked up, peering at her hopefully, "Small?"
"Yeah, like start dropping hints!"
I leaned forward as I considered this. "Like what sorts of hints?"
"I don't know, like be more flirtatious! Invite him to more things. Find more opportunities to be alone. Stuff like that."
I hopped back up off the sofa, pacing as I took in her words. I nodded, "Yeah. Yeah, okay. I think I can do that… Yeah! Okay! Avery, you're a gem! A queen! The bestest friend ever! Thank you so much!"
Avery sat back in her chair with a self-satisfied smile, folding her hands behind her head, "I know right. I'm an interpersonal genius. You're welcome. But it's not like you don't do the same for me every time I get myself into a situation! Anyway, it's getting late so I'm gonna hop off but I expect regular updates!"
"Yeah, you were gonna get updates whether you wanted them or not, don't worry. But seriously, thank you Avery! Sleep well!"
After exchanging another set of 'love yous' and air kisses, we dropped the call. I sat back, mind whirling with all the conclusions we'd just reached. Every time I thought about actually trying to flirt or otherwise take steps toward showing Honey my feelings, my heart would start speeding up, leaving me slightly breathless.
Yet, I knew I had to at least try. Now I just had to hope the right opportunity would come along and that my anxiety wouldn't prevent me from using it.
