A/N HERES AN ALL NEW CHAPTER!
Today was Janurary 5th 2011 which marked my return back to Rosewood parents insisted on me going back to finish my senior year otherwise i would regret. i wasn't sure if that was true or not. I have not been at the school since September, i missed half of my senior year and to be brutally honest, i did not miss it.
It was a new year; a new year of change. I sent in my early admission application and was accepted into UCLA on a full ride scholorship just a few days after christmas. i was going to California in the fall like i had orginially planned. But without Paige. It was a hard pill to swallow and it was something i working through in therapy. I thought i finally worked out my feelings until i got my college acceptance letter.
I told myself i could do it, i mean i had only 4 months left and then this chapter of my life would be over. I rolled myself out of bed, showered, brush my teeth and dressed into my UCLA hoodie and sweatpants and tied my hair in a bun. This outfit was going to mark a statement.
The truth was; i was scared of facing my best friends and Ali. i ghosted everyone and said really harsh things to Ali. I felt bad but i needed to do what was bet for my mental health. i run downstairs, grabbed an apple, threw my backpack over my shoulder and yelled out. "Bye mom & dad"
I jumped into my mom's car and hit the road. She finally trusted me to drive her Mercdez Benz. Usually, i got a ride from the girls to school. But i haven't spoken to anyone in over 3 months. i pulled into the school parking and took a deep breath. I could it, i could face them.
i jump out of the car and made my way inside the school buliding. Everyone looked me, stared at me and whispered towards each. i felt numb, i was used to this. I've dealt with this shit for over a year now. I catch a glimpse of Alison, Spencer, Aria and Hanna huddled together talking; they didn't even notice me.
Out of the corner of my eye, i see Paige's mother talking to the school principal. i easedropped on their conversation and found out that that they were planning to do a anti-bullying assembly. I slowly walk up to her and say. "Hi, Ms.P, how are you-"
SLAP
"How dare you speak to me after what you have done to my daughter, have you no mercy," shouted at me. i place my hand on my hand and felt the sting. i winced in pain. i guess i deserved it after what happened 3 months ago.
The kids in the hall became so silent and watched the scene happen in front. of me. She continued to yell. "You don't even deserve to go to UCLA"
Suddenly, i felt a pair of hands whisk me away. i was still in shock. i could feel the tears well in my eyes. I realize it was Spencer who looked just as gulity for pulling the trigger She moved me towards the group. Alison cleared her throat and whispered. "I'll catch you later."
Hanna and Aria looked at each other knowing that there was unresolved business between me and Alison. "Come here," Spencer says softly as she pulls into a hug, i started sobbing like crazy. I wasnt the one that pulled the trigger on her. i didn't deserve that slap and Paige didn't deserve to die but she put herself into that predicament. Suddenly, i felt so bad for blaming Ali when she didn't even do anything. It was sort of Paige's fault, she played her cards and got the wrong end of the deal.
i slowly calmed myself to apolgize for ignoring them these past 3 months "I'm sorry for leaving you high and dry these past few months"
"We know" Aria and Hanna said in unison.
"We understand, you dont need to apolgize." Spencer said stroking my hair.
"But hey, congrats on getting accepted to UCLA,' Hanna says cheerily. "Your hoodie says it all."
"Thanks" i mumbled wiping the tears out of my eye. "i need to apolgize to Ali. i told her i wish she was dead instead of Paige. i feel so awful. She played no part in her death. When it was-"
Spencer nodded sadly. "I'm sorry"
"Don't be," i interjected. "You protected us, you saved us and even though you come across as annoying. We wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you."
i smiled. "i miss you guys."
We all hugged each other. No matter what went on between us, we were still going to be friends and that included Ali
When the bell rang, i immediately sprinted out of school. It was overall a weird day, Ali kept her distance whenever i was with the girls and whenever i saw her, i also kept my distance. So it wasn't that much of a eventful day other than the stares and gossip. I was in a hurry to get to downtown rosewood, the news forecast confirmed there was to be a snowstorm tonight. All i wanted was a nice hot chocolate on this cold winter day.
Upon arrival, i jumped out of the car and started my walk down the streets of rosewoood. The christmas decorations and lights have been removed just yesterday, but nevertheless still beautiful with the snow blanketing the ground.
Out of the corner of my eye, i saw Alison sitting on the gazabo across the street and she was taking pictures of herself for her Instagram. i chuckled at the sight of this and made my way inside to The Brew Coffee Shop. Instead of just one hot chocolate, i opted for two as i was going to work up the courage to talk to Alison. i didn't understand why i was so nervous like i had been in years past. i was grew up and changed myself for the better. i slowly walked to the gazabo to talk to her.
"Hi," i said nervously. "Do you mind if i join?"
Alison looked up with suprise written on her face. She scrunched her nose examining the expression on my face and the two hot beverages. "Sure"
"I got you hot chocolate, i saw while i was on my way to the brew." i handed her a cup of hot chocolate.
She grabbed the hot beverage and laced her fingers over it and smiled warmly. "Thank you."
It was silent when we sipped our beverages slowly. The awkward was evident, we both wanted to say things to the other person but couldn't find the words to. Finally i muster up the courage to say how i was really feeling. "I'm sorry Alison for what i said. I didn't mean it-"
She looked at me and shook her head. "No its okay. You are right, if i did things diffirently then maybe i would-"
"No, it was Paige's choice to do what she did and suffered the consequences of her actions. It was no one's fault but her own. I mean what did she think we were going to do? Stand there and take it. Just like you Ali, you made your choices and suffered the consequences, maybe not as tragically what would have happened." i replied back.
"No, i would have died if you didn't come for me, so thank you for that," Alison admitted. "If i didn't go there, it wouldn't have happened."
"Ali, shut up," i tried to reason with her. "She would have kidnapped us eventually. The most important thing is that we are all alive."
"Yeah except for Paige," She laughed bitterly and then realized what she said and corrected herself. "I'm sorry-"
"Don't be," i placed my hand on her hand. "You have every right to say what you just said. Honestly, as much as i'm pissed at her for doing what she did. i still love her, nothing can change that. Paige's feelings are also valid. We all played a part in her death so i do feel gulity which is why i couldn't back to school and face everyone and including you girls. To be quite honest, this a trauma for me and i'm sorry for pushing you guys away. You didn't deserve it. You have always been nice to me even when i wasn't nice to you."
Alison looked at me and said softly. "It is all my fault, i can admit that. And i can't blame you for pushing you away when i did the same."
My eyes shifted at her and i moved closer to her to hear what she had to say. I realized she never told me the truth and even if she never will. i couldn't stay mad at her, after all she was my best friend that i was also in love with.
If theres anything that i'm proud for myself is that i see the good in people. Everyone has a past and everyone has a reason for being why the way they are. I could not identify Ali's hot and cold demanor nor could i find a reason for why she wanted to be Rosewood's most popular girl in school and the biggest bully ever to exist in Roswood High. But there's a reason why i loved Alison. She was fearless, she was bold, beautiful and didn't care what anyone thought. She was also headstrong and was a natural leader. The way she presented herself to others which was something i always envied. She was someone who i wanted to be one day. i loved girls that were strong and knew who they were.
i broke out of my thoughts and remembered i was searching the answers to my question that i wanted answered. Even if they weren't, i could never get rid of Alison DiLaurentis out of my life, no matter how much she pisses me half the time.
"So why did you push me way?" my chocolate brown eyes laces with her beautiful bright blue ocean eyes.
She swallowed her throat and spoke confidently. "I don't know."
"Oh"
She looked hesistant for a second and proceeded to continue with what she had to say. "Paige tried to get me to say it when she cornered me in the bathroom months ago"
i gasped in shock. "What did Paige say to you?"
"I love you," She said firmly. I could feel my heart beating faster. "I've always been in love with you. I just couldn't fathom myself liking a girl. I was always into boys and have had many failed relationships. I made excuses as to why but the truth was, they weren't you. You have always protected me ever since the day i met you, i knew i could count on you. My feelings grew strong for you the more we continued our friendship back in freshmen year. i tried to ignore it, but i chalked it up to you being my favorite best friend because it was easy for you listen to me. But you grew up Emily. You don't listen to me anymore, you are stronger and more confident in what you have to say. You aren't shy anymore and you don't my shit, that's been kind of sexy. I dig it. But to be quite honest, i was scared, i didn't know how to handle it so i pushed you away every-time we came close to being something more than friends. But i'm still trying to figure it out and my own sexuality. i don't know what i am but what i do know is you are the only girl i love and it's always been you. I don't know what that says about my sexuality but it's true."
"Ali," i tried to interject.
"I'm not finished with you yet," Alison continued. "The reason why i bullied Paige because i was jealous that you liked her back. So i taunted her and made her life miserable at school even though it bit me in the back. i couldn't help but feel angry every-time she was around so even when i came back, i couldn't help myself but taunt her again. i tried to make her think that you didn't love her anymore. But i also knew it was wrong because i'm ready to explore my sexuality and act on my feelings. But now, i'm ready to be with you. I love you Emily and i always have.
She ran her fingers through my hair and placed her lips on mine. I swore i could feel fireworks. The snow fell faster and the wind became heavier. But i didn't care. She was mine and i was hers.
Alison DiLaurentis was mine and no one elses and that to me was my dream come true
8 months later (Labor Day Weekend)
i never thought this day would come. It was Labor Day weekend and all of 5 us were gonna go our seperate ways. These past 8 months have been beautiful and memorable. In part because Alison and i started dating and September marked 8 months of our relationship. Our friendship with each grew stronger than ever. We all went through so much and even lost our way with each other but we came back into each others lives and it was meant to be that way. If there was anything i learned in high school was that life changes at the speed of lightening. But what remains is our love for one another. The way we came together and the reason for it was not an idael way. But no matter how we ended in each others lives, our love remains the same.
It is rare to find a group of friends that would risk our lives and love each other unconditionally even when we make mistakes, big mistakes. I really do feel like the luckiest girl. Now we are in Alison DiLaurentis front lawn and 4 cars were scattered in it. It was time to say our goodbyes. i was headed to UCLA in California, Spencer was moving to New Havan Connetict to attend Yale University, school of law, Aria was moving to New York City to attend NYU to major in English, Hanna was set to attend College Of Arts in San Fransisco which was approxmiately 6 hours away from me. Being that she's the only one that will be close by me. We both promsied each other to drive 6 hours once a month to go see one another for a weekend and well as for Alison, she decided to take a gap year from college and decide what she wanted to do. She planned on staying here through Christmas and hightailing it to Miami Florida at her family beach vacation home during the winter months to work on herself and heal from all the childhood trauma she endured. But in her year of self-discovery, she promised she would fly to California to be with me for a week every month as much as she possibly can. We planned on seeing each other during holiday breaks and summers is where i would have her the most. We know that it was be gonna hard to maintain a long distance we have survived all the things we endured duing junior and senior year. We'd figure we could surive a four year long distance relationship. When college was over, we planned on moving in together, but we weren't exactly sure yet. I knew i was gonna be the one to graduate first so i said, i'll follow her wherever she goes as long as i had her. We were Alison and Emily, we could make it through anything and that i was of.
I threw all the flip-flops into the back of the car and slammed it shut. Hanna sneered. "Got enough flip-flops Em?'
"Not enough," i grinned and i pulled her in for a hug. "Ali and i will be with you on Halloween weekend." Alison promised to fly to LA in October to spend Halloween weekend with me. Since Hanna and i were close by, we decided the 3 of us should be together.
"And i will be with you at the end of the month," Hanna grinned cheekily.
We moved ourselves closer to the other girls. Spencer gave me a hug, Aria gave Emily a hug and well Hanna just grabbed us all for a group hug.
Tears fell out of Spencer's eyes as she examined the four of us. "How lucky am i to have something that makes goodbyes so hard?"
"Who said that?' Aria's eyes narrowed back at her.
"Winnie the pooh," She laughed in her little dorky way. We all laughed in unison.
We all then began to tear up as we hugged each other. I made my way over to Alison and gave her the most cuddliest hug i could ever give. "I love you."
She cupped my face with her hands, placed a kiss on my forehead and whispered. "i love you too."
Hanna sniffled. "I don't know we are all crying. We will be together on Thanksgiving!"
"i don't know," Alison choked out in between tears. "This just feels like it's the end of something."
i wrapped my arms around Alison and stroked her hair and gave her gentle kisses on the forehead. "I guess it's time for us all to go."
Both Ali and i began to makeout as if we were underwater gasping for air, not know what was gonna happen. I let my lips go and i grab her hands as i led her to my car. "I'll call you." My fingers twiddling with hers.
i threw the car door open as i looked at the 3 other girls who were about to jump in. Alison stepped back quivering as she held her hands to signal her goodbyes. "I love you guys, goodbye!" She called out.
i smiled and then looked at the other girls to signal our last goodbye with our eyes. I jumped into the car and slammed it shut. i placed the keys in it's ignition and started the car. I backed out of the driveway, moved my rearview and i could see Alison in her front yard staring at us ours cars pulled out.
My heart leaped for join when i passed the sign that said "You Are Now Leaving Rosewood. Come back soon!"
This was the start of something new. A new chapter in my life and i didn't know what was gonna happen in my life at california or my relationship with Ali. I knew that everything was gonna be okay.
Life is beautiful, messy and never goes according to plan. But what i do know is that love, real love is choosing each other. i know what most people are thinking that is that two kids that are thousand miles apart for four years. But we are not like those other couples. We are Alison and Emily
A/N THANK YOU GUYS. I'M SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED THAT THIS STORY IS FINALLY OVER. i'm happy with the way it turned out.
