Amy hummed to herself as she walked home from the store. She'd been running low on supplies lately and was going to need more if she wanted to keep everyone fed. Her arms full of grocery bags, her mind wandered as she walked, envisioning just how she'd restock her kitchen when she got home. The pink hedgehog stopped when she saw something odd in her path—that odd something being Cubot in a cowboy hat.

"G'day, madam," the yellow robot said, his voice taking on a bit of a country twang. "Lovely weather today, isn't it?"

"Uh…"

While Amy debated whether she'd bother calling Cubot out on his poorly executed disguise, someone grabbed her from behind and covered her mouth with a cloth. Struggling in her attacker's grip, Amy managed to turn and get a good look at him. It was Orbot, just as badly disguised in a top hat, a monocle, and a fake handlebar mustache.

A few long moments went by, but nothing happened.

"Um, I'm still conscious," said Amy, her voice a bit muffled.

"Huh. I may have forgotten to soak this rag in anything," Orbot admitted finally. "Cubot, Plan B!"

Amy looked back at Cubot, who was already swinging a crowbar at her face.


Sonic grinned as he ran. Man, he loved going fast—and there was nothing better than running with friends, if they could keep up. Heading back to his house, he turned around and opened his mouth, only to discover that there was no one else with him.

"Huh. Must've gone too fast and left Joe behind," he speculated. He was about to backtrack and go looking for his friend, but he stopped.

Why did he stop? Because there was a chili dog sitting on a plate on the ground.

'Well, that doesn't look normal, but it smells delicious.' The blue hedgehog briefly considered picking it up before he came to his senses.

"Really, Eggman? I know you can do better than this," he said, heading off to look for Joe.

As Sonic left the scene, Orbot and Cubot emerged from their hiding place in the bushes, still in disguise.

"In retrospect, perhaps that was a bit too obvious," Orbot said.

"So, Plan B again?" Cubot suggested, tapping his crowbar in the palm of his hand.

Orbot held up a hand. "Sonic is too fast for that. Plus, Dr. Eggman had a couple other ideas in case this one failed. I'll fill you in on the way. Onward!" And so, the two robots began following after Sonic.

Sonic ran through the woods to find Joe, only to skid to a halt when he saw a Moto-bug in his path. Orbot and Cubot quickly caught up and took their places on either side of the ladybug-like robot.

"Surrender now, Sonic, or we'll sic this Moto-bug on you!" Orbot threatened, gesturing to the Badnik in question.

Unimpressed, Sonic spin-dashed the Moto-bug. This proved to be a mistake, as upon destruction, the bot released a cloud of gas, which Sonic couldn't stop himself from inhaling.

"Alright, that was actually…kinda clever," Sonic admitted as he flopped on his back, unconscious.


"Hm, somethin's not right here," Sticks surmised. Granted, she always thought something wasn't right, but this was especially bizarre. Cubot was hovering before her, having traded in his cowboy attire for a martial arts headband.

"Alright, little lady. If I take you out all on my own, I bet Dr. Eggman will give me a promotion or something!" the yellow bot declared.

Sticks frowned. There was no way this was all there was to his plan. She scanned her surroundings for snipers, reinforcements, and insane clown posses. Even though she saw none of those things, the brown and orange badger made a run for the bushes, knowing she'd feel better with some cover.

Cubot put his hands on his proverbial hips. "Hey! You can't use your time out already! We haven't even started fighting yet!"

"Ah, please. You make it sound like you guys ever fight fair," Sticks muttered to herself. Playing it safe, she pulled out her boomerang and threw it, hitting Cubot square in the head.

"Ow, cheap shot!" Cubot yelled out.

Catching her boomerang as it returned to her, Sticks wound up to throw it again, figuring one more strike would teach him his lesson.

"I shall help you, Cubot!" Orbot declared, charging in with a crowbar. The little red robot threw his weapon with all his strength, sending it spinning toward the badger.

Sticks was so shocked that she forgot to dodge. She gave a shout as the crowbar hit her in the head, knocking her out.

"How'd you do that?" Cubot asked as they ventured out to find her. "I couldn't even see where she was."

"Neither could I," Orbot explained. "I used a heat-seeking crowbar, so it just homed in on the nearest heat signature."

"Cool…Wait a minute. What would you have done if there'd been other animals around when you threw that?" Cubot pointed out.

Orbot stood silently, having no answer for that surprisingly logical inquiry. "…Let's just get her back to the lair."


"Annnnnnd done," Knuckles announced as he finished his last rep. He set down his dumbbells and wiped his brow before he heard someone call out.

"Hey, buddy!"

The red echidna turned around to see Orbot and Cubot approaching him, both holding crowbars. Before he could say anything, the yellow bot beat him to the punch. "I bet you'll be out cold after one hit from these things," Cubot taunted, pointing at his crowbar.

That taunt put a cocky grin on Knuckles's face, "You're on."

You can guess what happened next.


Tails whistled as he tinkered with some miscellaneous invention. He was getting quite into the tune, but his song petered out when someone knocked on his door.

"Telegram."

Recognizing the voice as Cubot, Tails wisecracked, "Nobody uses those anymore!"

Trying again, Cubot said, "Candygram."

This time, Tails just ignored the trick altogether.

"…Mint-o-gram."

That got Tails's attention, "Okay, that's worth the risk."

The kit walked over to the door and opened it, and Cubot hit him in the head with a crowbar.

The yellow robot looked at the crowbar in his hands. "Wow, this thing is really handy. Why haven't we been using it more?"

Orbot came out from behind the door. "Perhaps the doctor has been trying too hard. Creative plans take a lot of time and energy. It's a lot less bothersome to just use violence. Now, all that's left is the human. Where is he, anyway?"


Waking up from a pleasant dream, Joe picked himself up off the ground, feeling slow and groggy.

"Ugh, what happened?" Taking a second to collect his thoughts, he remembered, "Right, Sonic was putting me through my rounds. I must've pushed myself too hard and passed out… Wait a minute. If that's what happened, then how come he didn't wake me up, and why isn't he here now?"

Making sure his knee brace was still fastened firmly, the young man jogged back to Sonic's house, only to find no one was home. Confused, he headed over to Tails's place.

"Hey, Tails, I'm home!" Getting no response, he figured his roommate was out doing something in his workshop or hanging out with some of their friends.

However, after hours of lounging, Tails didn't show up, causing Joe to suspect that something was wrong. He checked his other friends' houses and found the rest of them were missing too. Either they were all planning a surprise party for him, or they were in serious trouble.

Joe frowned. "I really hope this doesn't mean—"

"Oh, it does mean." Joe turned around and saw a robot crab carrying a tablet which showed Eggman's face on it. "I don't know how you evaded capture earlier, but no matter. You want them back?"

"You know I do," Joe glared at him through the screen.

"Well, you'll have to come and get them, because I'm not letting them go!" Eggman taunted him. "Also, you may want to hurry. Who knows what might happen to them in the meantime?" With that, the picture faded, and the Crab-bot left.

Now all alone, Joe muttered, "Fuck." He lowered his head, saying, "Sorry…Oh, right, they're gone."


Sonic's eyes fluttered open.

"Oh, good, you're awake."

"Knuckles?" Sonic looked around to see that he, Knuckles, and the rest of their friends were all stuck in a giant cage.

"Did they get you with a crowbar too?" Sticks asked.

Sonic raised an eyebrow. "What? No, they used knock-out gas."

"They hit mewith two crowbars," Knuckles informed everyone.

"What does it say about us that we were all beaten by Eggman's lackeys?" Sticks wondered aloud.

"Nothing," Amy assured her. "At least, I hope nothing. And besides, they didn't get all of us. Joe isn't here, so he must still be free."

Tails interjected with some bad news. "Um, I hate to rain on everyone's parade, but did we ever show Joe where Eggman's base is?"

As everyone groaned, Eggman himself entered the room. Having overheard their conversation, he laughed at their predicament.

"Hahah! I guess your little friend might be a while." He put a hand to his chin. "Hmm, maybe while we wait, I'll subject you all to a lovely little thing called torture." As Team Sonic gasped, Eggman wondered, "But just what type of torture should I implement? I suppose it will depend on how long it takes Joe to get here!"


"What the fuck do I do?!" Joe shouted in a panic. "I don't know where Eggman's base is, and even if I did, I can't fight all his robots on my own!"

Joe began pacing back and forth, laughing nervously as he tried to come up with a plan.

"Hehehe… Hehehahaha—" He quickly slapped himself to stop his laughing fit. "Get ahold of yourself, dammit. Just calm down and think."

Taking a deep breath, Joe closed his eyes and thought for a moment before coming to an obvious realization.

"Right, I could just ask someone to show me the way to Eggman's lair. Preferably someone who could also back me up when we get there. But who? From what the guys told me in the history trial, practically everyone in town is a moron."

Still, there had to be someone who was qualified for action in the village.

"Unless they don't have to be from the village," Joe realized. "I can call the cyber team!"


"Except I don't know how to call the cyber team!" Joe yelled in frustration as he sifted through Tails's many inventions. He'd gone to his friend's workshop, hoping to find a way to contact the robot versions of his friends, only to realize that he didn't know which device, if any of them, would let him do that. He was tempted to start pressing buttons at random, but he was afraid that might make something blow up in his face.

"Come on, one of these things has to be able to help me somehow. Why didn't I ask Tails how any of this shit works?" Joe asked himself. "You'd think I'd have been more curious."

Sighing, he started weighing his other options, "Okay, who else could—" He stopped himself when one other individual crossed his mind.

"Maybe not the best idea I've ever had, but hey, I'm feeling kinda desperate right now," Joe muttered as he exited the workshop. "I've just gotta think of a way to talk him into helping me."


"And here we go!" Eggman spun the wheel, eagerly awaiting the result. Written on each slice of the wheel was a different form of torture, from boiling oil to waterboarding to making them wear pants. The team was on the edge of their figurative seats, dreading whatever option the wheel might land on.

Finally, the wheel came to a stop, landing on "nails on a chalkboard." Everyone covered their ears in preparation.

"Hmm, that's a nice idea, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood for it," Eggman said with a hand on his chin. "Guess I'll just spin the wheel again."

Team Sonic sighed in relief, only for them to gasp in horror all over again when the wheel landed on "pulling teeth."

"Okay, closer, but still no." Eggman shook his head. A thought then struck him. "Hm, maybe I should use a different method to decide."

Sonic sighed once again, but this time in annoyance. "This is gonna go on for a while, isn't it?"


"Hopefully he's around here somewhere," Joe muttered as he reached the canyons. "He shouldn't be too hard to spot. All I have to do is look for a big red—" He was cut off as a streak of red sped by right in front of him. "—streak."

Springing into action, Joe dashed after the streak, quickly thinking of a way to get its attention as it flew farther and farther ahead. "Sonic's faster than you!"

That made the red streak do a U-turn and stop in front of him, revealing itself as a black hedgehog with red accents in his fur, gloves, and shoes.

"Say that again. I dare you." He glared at Joe.

"You're Shadow, right?" Joe asked.

"Indeed, I am," Shadow said, his glare not fading. "I am the ultimate lifeform. My abilities are unmatched by all, especially that blue—" He stopped when he saw the look on Joe's face. "What are you smiling about?"

Joe couldn't wipe the grin off his face, despite himself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I hear what you're saying and all, it's just that your voice is…"

Shadow leaned in, making Joe step back even though he was taller. "What about my voice?"

"It's…cheesy," Joe admitted. As Shadow reared back for a punch, the boy flinched and quickly spat out why he'd come, "WaitIneedyourhelp!"

Shadow stopped mid-punch. "You need my help?"

"Yes!"

"I refuse," he said, and began to walk away.

"Wait, don't go!" Joe called after him. "Eggman captured Sonic and the rest of my friends, and I don't think I can rescue them alone."

"I still don't care," the black hedgehog shrugged.

"Oh, really?" Joe snarked, preparing his first argument. "You don't care that Eggman is gonna be the one to finish Sonic instead of you?"

Shadow stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around.

Joe grinned. Now he was getting somewhere. "Come to think of it, don't you wanna take Eggman down anyway? Show Sonic how it's done?"

Turning around fully, Shadow approached Joe again. "Keep going."

Joe's grin faded as he realized he'd have to use his third argument after all.

But it did the trick. Upon hearing Joe's third reason to get him to join, Shadow crossed his arms and smiled. "Alright, human, you have a deal."

Relieved that Shadow had accepted his offer after all, Joe extended his hand, which Shadow shook. "So, you know the way to Eggman's base, right?"

"Of course I do." Shadow nodded.

"Then lead the way, partner," Joe gestured.

"Don't call me partner," Shadow said. "Follow me."


Eggman continued producing new methods of torture, only to decide each one was too boring to engage with. He wasn't in the mood for racking, flaying, or even tickling, so he kept on trying.

As he did, Team Sonic sat around with bored expressions on their faces. Amy and Tails were playing rock-paper-scissors, Sticks was sawing pointlessly at the bars of the cage with her claws, Knuckles was about to fall asleep, and the eponymous hedgehog crossed his arms as he tapped his foot impatiently.

"What do we have this time?" Eggman asked as he drew from a raffle, a new method of decision-making which worked about the same. "Keelhauling? Why is that one even in here? I don't own a boat. I mean, I could always build one and use it to keelhaul them, but still, I—"

"Ugh, this is worse torture than the actual torture," Sonic complained.


"So, if I'm getting this right, it's a show about an edgy girl with a scissor blade?" Joe summarized.

"That's about right," Shadow confirmed.

"Huh, I'll have to check it out," Joe nodded. He soon spotted Eggman's base. "Is that it? We're finally he—"

Shadow cut the young man off by grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him behind a boulder.

"What the hell?" he complained. Shadow jabbed a thumb in the direction they'd just come from, where the sight of a swarm of Badniks made him rethink his protest. "Oh. So, what's the plan, partner?"

"Here's the plan: First, stop calling me partner," said Shadow. "Second, you go and create a distraction. Then, while you're being shot to pieces, I'll sneak in and rescue your friends."

Joe gave him a blank stare. "I don't think you tried very hard with that plan."

"That's because I didn't," Shadow admitted shamelessly.

"I've got a better idea. How about I slash up a few bots, you break down the door, and then we charge in guns blazing," Joe pitched.

"You didn't try very hard with that plan either," Shadow pointed out.

"Was that an objection?" Joe asked, crossing his arms.

Shadow grinned maliciously. "Not at all."

The two erupted from their hiding place. Sticking to Joe's plan, the young man began chopping up robots with his sword while Shadow curled into a ball and spun in place to build momentum.

After a few seconds, he had enough power to bust down Eggman's door, which he did using a red version of Sonic's spin dash. The two took the opportunity to run inside.

"You're not that great with a sword, are you?" jabbed Shadow. "You should trade it for a gun."

"If guns are so great, why don't you use one?" Joe shot back as they ran through the hall. Laser turrets popped out of the walls as they went by. Joe blocked the shots with his sword.

"I'm the ultimate lifeform. I don't need a gun," Shadow boasted as he evaded the laser fire. The black and red hedgehog busted down another door, leading them to the main room of Eggman's HQ.

"Joe!" The team was naturally relieved to see him.

"You're here!" Sonic smiled. That smile immediately faded when he noticed Shadow. "Oh, come on. You brought him?!"

"I needed backup! I'm not a one-man army!" Joe defended himself.

"Well, I wasn't expecting Shadow, of all people," Eggman noted, reminding everyone he was there. "But no matter. I can work with this. Orbot, Cubot! Ready the crowbars!"

At his command, the little red and yellow robots drew their weapons from hammerspace and advanced on the duo.

Joe and Shadow stared at the two bots, then exchanged a glance. The two of them began roaring with laughter.

"Okay, they do look silly. I admit it," Eggman conceded. "Fortunately, I have something that'll make you take this seriously."

A large robot with gigantic crablike claws and small legs clambered out from an opening in the wall up to the cage. As it aimed its claws at the team, Joe recognized it from the history trial. This was Burnbot, a robot which, ironically, didn't have any fire attacks.

Joe threw his sword. The weapon spun almost like a buzzsaw, cutting through Burnbot's arms before returning to him. Burnbot gave them all a blank look and moved no further.

Growling, Eggman glared at Orbot and Cubot. "Get them!"

As the two robots moved in on Joe, Shadow spin-dashed the cage Team Sonic was trapped in, only to bounce off it harmlessly. "That thing is tougher than it looks," he remarked.

Sonic gave him a flat stare. "Why do you think we didn't break ourselves out?"

"Sucker. The only way to open that cage is with these!" Eggman bragged, holding up a set of keys. In a blur of red, the keys disappeared from his hand.

"Thanks for flaunting them out in the open," Shadow chuckled, holding the keys.

Gawking at his own mistake, Eggman quickly pulled himself together. "Burnbot, attack!"

The literally disarmed robot fired lasers from its torso. Shadow dodged all the blasts as he made his way toward the robot. When he got close enough, he somersaulted through the air and hit it with an ax kick, followed by a punch for good measure.

With his enemy vanquished, he flipped through the keys to find the right one and used it to unlock the cage. As Team Sonic exited, the black and red hedgehog addressed Eggman, "Call in any more of your toys, and I'll grind you into powder!"

Meanwhile, Joe was still engaged with Orbot and Cubot. The fight was somewhat awkward as it was clear none of them really knew how to wield a weapon properly. Deciding to intervene, Knuckles punched out Orbot while Sticks smacked Cubot with her boomerang.

"Aw, come on! I totally had that!" Joe complained.

"Good for you. Now let's go!" Sonic ordered.

The group ran out of Eggman's lair and made it back to the main island. Once there, the blue hedgehog glared at Shadow. "Don't expect a thank you."

"I don't need any thanks to lord this over you." Shadow grinned smugly. Then he looked at Joe. "I'll be seeing you later…partner."

As Shadow left, Amy asked, "What did he mean by that?"

Joe rubbed the back of his head. "I may have promised him something in return for helping us."


"Where's my drink?" Shadow asked as he lounged in a lawn chair.

"Right here, sir," Joe said, annoyed, as he handed him one of those fancy drinks with a little umbrella sticking out of it.

Shadow smiled as he took the drink. "Lovely." He jabbed a thumb behind him. "Now give me a shoulder massage."

"I don't know how to give massages," Joe pointed out.

"Did I stutter?" the black and red hedgehog asked. Sighing, Joe walked behind him and began rubbing his shoulders. As he did, Shadow thought aloud, "A whole week of this? I should make deals more often."