Hi Everyone! Thank you to everyone who is following and/or has favorited this story and a big MWAH! to those who have also left me reviews and thoughts. I will tell you, I like Dr. Motorcycle Man. I like what he made Castle realize in the show - a jealous side of him that made him mature in his thoughts about a relationship with Kate. I would've liked to see a little more of Dr. Davidson in the show…but I'm happy his part helped lead Rick and Kate together.
Now, where did we leave off? Oh yeah…Castle has just walked out of the exam room after Dr. Ange expressed her concerns about Kate's previous, life-threatening bullet wound…
Again, thank you for reading!
KTCLF,
-adcg
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Moments of Always
Chapter 5: That Moment When …
"Can we talk about this?" Kate wasn't sure what else to say when she found Rick where he had said, in the waiting room, standing beside the office doors.
She had walked to him and tried to smile but he did little more than glance up to confirm it was Kate standing in front of him. He held the door open for her and then stayed a step behind her as they waited for the elevator.
Kate had turned to him once the metal doors had closed and they were descending to the parking garage. But she barely got his first name out of her mouth before he put his hand in the air stopping her.
He had again stayed just a step behind her as they walked to the car, silently. Kate realized she hadn't felt this separated from her husband since the whole Locksat debacle went awry.
Rick, ever-the-gentleman, no matter what, opened the car door for his wife and waited somewhat patiently for her to get in before he closed the door. Once he slid into the driver's seat Kate tried again.
"Rick, talk to me, please." She turned slightly in her seat and looked at his profile.
His jaw was set firmly. There was no hint of a smile on his face. His eyes were focused out the window and she could only imagine what was going through his mind.
"It makes sense, doesn't it?" Kate asked, trying gently, willing her husband to say something, anything, to her. "It's not something I thought about at all, did you? I mean scar tissue…actually on my heart? I didn't know that could be a thing but I guess it makes sense."
She paused and was disheartened that Rick offered no response whatsoever.
Kate turned back in her seat and looked out the passenger window. She knew why her husband had clammed up. It had to do with the scar tissue on her heart, but moreso, it had to do with the metaphorical scars left on his…caused by the entire situation surrounding her shooting, her recovery and the man who was Kate's boyfriend/cardiologist at that time.
She knew she only had to be patient and wait. Rick wasn't the kind of man who wouldn't talk through issues. He wasn't a man to hold a grudge, was he? At least twice he had tried to walk away from her, and yet the moment she needed him back he had been there. That was long before a marriage proposal…before even a thought of children had crossed their paths.
Kate blinked a few times and then inwardly cursed the pregnancy hormones as the tears welled up and spilled over her eyelids. She kept her face turned toward the passenger window, not wanting him to see her cry in this instance. She was determined not to use her emotions as a tool to get him to talk to her, although at the moment she didn't know what other option she had.
The rest of the ride back to their home was silent. Other than traffic noises and a few sounds of sirens or honking horns - including a couple of rare times when Castle impatiently sounded the Mercedes and let out a curse word - they didn't turn the radio on; Kate didn't ask him to talk anymore and Rick made no attempt to voice his thoughts.
As they pulled into the designated spot of the parking structure Rick shifted into park and sucked in a long breath. "Do you need me to help you get upstairs?" He offered, but obviously without any real intent or feeling.
Kate froze with his question. She couldn't read him at the moment and couldn't decide if she should be angry, upset or understanding. "Do I need help getting upstairs? … Are you not coming in?" She asked simply.
"No," Rick stopped short of saying anything more.
"Are you just gonna sit here in the car?" Kate pushed, quickly growing concerned, annoyed and frustrated all in a matter of seconds.
"No," he finally moved, shifted in his seat, shrugged his shoulders, but still didn't move his head to look at her. "I'm gonna go work on a few things at the p.i. office," he swallowed, licked his lips and then pressed them together.
"Rick," Kate tried to start again and he finally turned his eyes toward her.
She knew this man owned a husbandly glare. It was rarely aimed at her, but this time she saw it clearly in his dark blue irises.
"What d'you want me to say?" she started with an unhappy look and then a quiet, "Damn it," when tears overflowed again.
He didn't offer a word of apology. He didn't offer any other word at all, but he again, gentlemanly, got out of the car, came around to her side and opened the door for Kate to exit. Rick deliberately looked just beyond his wife as she took his hand, stood from her seat and stared at him.
Rick took a few quick breaths, closed his eyes to avoid her gaze and closed the door behind her before walking back to the drivers side and climbing back in. He waited just a moment for her to step away from the vehicle far enough that he could back out safely.
Kate watched as he drove off then she turned to go into their building.
There had been many times that she wished Martha Rodgers would get her own place, but on this particular afternoon Kate found herself hoping that her mother-in-law would be home. She needed to talk to someone and certainly didn't want to be alone.
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Kate heard a squeal from inside the loft as she turned the doorknob and stepped inside. Immediately she was met with Alexis's excited voice.
"You're home! Yay! Wait, I thought you had a physical therapy appointment after Dr. Ange. Nevermind, we made cupcakes!" The younger redhead picked up a plate from the counter and stepped toward Kate who hadn't made any move to come farther into their home.
"Gram and I thought we could do a gender reveal kind of thing. We just put plain white icing on the cupcakes. You guys can tell us if B.C. is a boy or girl by putting blue or pink sprinkles on them. What d'ya think?" Her eyes were truly sparkling with the idea.
Oh yeah, Alexis and Martha knew they were thinking about finding out the baby's gender at today's appointment. Of course they did.
The reminder made Kate suck in a breath and her shoulders slouched. She couldn't think of a word to say, which wasn't bad, considering her tear ducts shifted into overdrive at that very moment.
"Kate?" Alexis paused.
"Darling?" Martha put down the dish towel she had been using to clean up a bit of their baking mess and noticed the scene playing out at the door.
"Gram?" Alexis put the plate of cupcakes down on the end table and went directly to her stepmother while calling for the matriarch of their family.
"Kate, what's wrong?" The sparkling eyes made a quick turn to concerned, as did the younger woman's voice. "Where's dad?" Alexis reached for the door. "Oh my God, is something wrong with the baby?"
Alexis dropped her hand from the doorknob, turned back to Kate just as Martha reached her as well and the next thing Kate knew, she had been embraced by two sets of arms holding her up and guiding her farther into her home - but she still couldn't verbalize anything that had happened in the past hour.
And in the middle of it all, her phone buzzed in her pocket.
Kate welcomed both of the other women's arms around her at the moment but took a couple of long deep breaths and pulled away from them to fish her cell from her hip. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or stressed even more that she saw Rick's name on the waiting text message.
She wiped tears from under her eyes and looked at her daughter and mother-in-law. "Let me check this and then…" she let her thought drop as she looked at her husband's message.
"Forgot about your p.t. appt. Rescheduling for tomorrow at the same time. Ok to drive yourself?"
Kate's stomach twisted. She could care less about the physical therapy appointment. Right now she just wanted her husband but apparently he wasn't planning to be home until tomorrow evening - if then?
"Shit," Kate mumbled and tossed the phone toward the couch.
"Katherine!" Martha stepped away from her. "What is going on? Where's Richard? Are you alright? Is the baby alright?"
Kate again breathed deeply and then chanced looking at the other two women. "B.C. is fine," she nodded assuredly before more tears formed.
Alexis took the chance to step away from the huddled grouping and found Kate's phone that had landed, luckily, on the couch cushions. She looked quickly at the text message that was still on the screen before looking back at Kate.
"Where's Dad," she asked again and held the phone up. "Why didn't you all go to your p.t. appointment? And if he's rescheduling it, why is he asking you to drive yourself? Are you cleared to drive? Was everything okay at the orthopedist's checkup?"
The way the 20-something fired questions at Kate made the police captain feel like a suspect being interrogated…by herself.
She steeled herself as much as possible while still letting a few tears drop from her eyes. After a moment she looked more closely at Martha and Alexis who were still waiting patiently for answers. Kate pointed toward the couch and began moving in that direction with each of them at her side.
"The ortho visit was great," she breathed in a shaky breath to clear the tearful aftermath before continuing. "No more brace, all clear to get back to normal activities, continue p.t. for a little while longer until they give me the all-clear as well. The baby check up went great too…" she stopped and laughed lightly then took her phone from Alexis and flipped it over and over in her hands while staring at the device.
"I'm sorry. I can't add any decorations to those cupcakes until your dad's here. I think that's something we need to share with you, together, you know?" She looked sadly back at her family members.
"So what's going on?" Martha asked in her blunt, we are ready for some answers, kind of fashion. Kate knew there was no ill-will meant by her at all. The two other women just needed to know.
"Dr. Ange has apparently done a deep-dive, thorough reading of my medical files and history," again she chuckled with a touch of sarcasm. "At the end of today's appointment she mentioned the shooting…my…first…" Kate put fingers to her chest again to acknowledge the incident without more words.
"Rick and I hadn't even thought to say anything to her about it. I recuperated, I went back to work, I got shot again…" Kate added as Rick's mother and daughter both cringed but listened intently. "But apparently, pregnancy puts different stresses on the body? So Dr. Ange wants me to have a cardiologist on standby, I guess, just in case I have issues as we get farther into the pregnancy or during delivery. I don't really understand, but if she thinks that's what we need and that's what's best for our little…B.C., then, yeah, of course. Right?"
Martha and Alexis paused in thought for a moment letting the idea sink into their heads and waiting for Kate to continue.
"Does she have all the notes from your surgeries?" Alexis wondered out loud. "Does she anticipate some kind of problem?"
Kate shook her head. "I don't think so. She just said I'm the first mom-to-be that she's ever had who has survived a shot to the heart." She tried to make a weird face to make Alexis smile, but the fact that the then-teenager had also lived through the ordeal made Kate realize that it still wasn't a joking matter - even years after the fact.
"She just wants to take precautions and would feel better with some input from a cardiologist for my safety and the baby's." She summed it up as best as she could.
Alexis nodded. "So?" She asked simply.
Kate sat there waiting for more.
"So where is Richard in all of this?" Martha supplied, reading her first granddaughter's mind.
Kate closed her eyes for a moment and took a steadying breath. "We were both in shock, I think. Like I said, it's never even been a hint of a discussion. In the middle of the car accident and that recuperation, neither of us gave the shooting injury or scars a second thought…until now. But with Dr. Ange saying we should consult a cardiologist," Kate shrugged one shoulder and looked at Martha, "it just made sense to me that I should go to my heart doctor."
Martha leaned back, sitting up just a little straighter. As the pieces began fitting together she nodded slowly.
"Motorcycle Man?" Alexis creased her eyebrows together as she spoke the name her father had applied to Dr. Josh Davidson well-before Kate ever needed the medical help from her former boyfriend.
Kate nodded. "Josh operated on me. He's familiar with my case, the surgeries I had, the followup, my recovery and recuperation. Why bring in someone else when he was the one… the one…"
"The one who saved your life," Martha supplied.
Again Kate nodded slowly, without a smile. "The moment the thought of Josh even entered my mind, Rick completely shut down on me. He got up and left the exam room before Dr. Ange was finished talking to us. He didn't say a word on the way home, let me out of the car in the garage and then said he was going to the p.i. office."
The pregnant woman's lip quivered. "I asked him to talk to me. If he doesn't want Josh, that's fine, I won't even call him. But I," she shook her head as the tears started forming again.
"Alexis, call your father and tell him to get his pouting ass back home. He knows this is not the way to treat a pregnant woman - let alone his own wife!" Martha instructed.
Alexis got up to find her own phone but stopped when Kate reached up and grabbed her wrist. "No, no, don't do that. I know he needs to think this through," she put her fingertips to her mouth, simply trying to console her thoughts. " He… he won't talk to me until he's thought this through and formed his own opinion about it."
Kate sat up, stretching her back, and felt Martha's hand when she reached out and began trying to rub soothing circles to help Mrs. Castle relax. Alexis watched the two of them and then turned her hand around to hold Kate's.
"Do you need some water?" She offered, for a lack of other suggestions.
"Please?" Kate smiled softly at her stepdaughter and Alexis nodded before heading toward the kitchen.
"Katherine," Martha looked at the profile of Kate's face and could easily tell that the stress of these moments was altering her daughter-in-law's staunch facade.
"I know…" Kate nodded without looking at her mother-in-law, "I know Castle's not fond of Josh. I mean, my dad told me that Josh attacked Rick and they fought at the hospital when they first brought me in after the shooting. But this is for our baby, not for me. I just want the best and I know," she glanced over, "he is one of the best, Martha. Honestly, that's what was going through my head."
Martha pressed her lips together and nodded in understanding. "My Darling, Richard knows that as well, but that's exactly what scares the hell out of him."
"What?" Kate watched Martha's face closely.
"Richard wouldn't call Dr. Davidson by his name when he learned the man was your latest beau. It was always 'Beckett's boyfriend', or that awful 'Motorcycle Man' moniker. After their tussle at the hospital my son was convinced that it was his fault that you were shot - that Dr. Davidson was right. Katherine, Richard's heart was broken because he told you how he felt and yet in those moments he was convinced that his feelings didn't matter because that doctor was the better man for you." Martha pointed an innocent finger at Kate just to hold her attention. "And, as I'm sure you know, your husband doesn't take those feelings lightly. Even the thought of that particular doctor probably brought back all of that angst and heartache for him."
"But I didn't truly want Josh then and I certainly don't want him now. I married Rick because I love Rick. All that we've been through to get to this point… I'm pregnant with his baby. Josh can't take that away from him - can't take me away from him," Kate looked back at her phone and the message Rick had sent.
"You're right, you know, and we know you are…" Alexis handed Kate a glass of water and sat down next to her on the arm of the couch. "But it'll take Dad a little while to reach that same conclusion. Maybe give him a little time to come to terms with the fact that Doctor Motorcycle Man is going to make another appearance in your lives. Honestly, I'm not real fond of him either for picking that fight with Dad at the hospital. But I can admit he probably would be the best cardiologist for your case. And Dad will get there too. I mean, Josh obviously cared a lot about you. But who knows, maybe he won't want to be your doctor because you and Dad are married now." Alexis stopped to let her thoughts and words catch up with each other.
Kate sighed and Martha breathed in and out deeply.
The next moment Martha reached out again and patted Kate on the thigh. "Alexis, Sweetheart, go get the bubbly from the fridge. I think Katherine could use a little pick-me-up, even if we aren't having the cupcakes right now."
Kate looked around quickly. "Oh, no, Martha, I can't. I…no champagne or wine…I appreciate the thought, but-"
"Oh, My Darling!" Martha laughed "While I doubt one good, relaxing glass of fine wine would affect this child, what we have is sparkling grape juice. Just a little sugar rush for you, My Dear. And while you drink I'll debate calling my son to change his attitude."
Kate laughed for a moment and gratefully accepted the wine glass of juice that Alexis brought to her. "He will come home, right?" She asked after a few moments of silent sipping.
Martha saw her daughter-in-law's face slipping back into a touch of fear, worry and disappointment. She scooted closer to Kate and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, encouraging the taller woman to rest her head on Martha's shoulder. "When it comes to you, Sweetheart, he always does. Just give him time."
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Rick cursed himself for forgetting his wife's third appointment of the day. He did commend himself for keeping it together enough to call the physical therapist's office to reschedule the appointment. But when he texted Kate, basically telling her to go by herself, his willpower broke.
He knew he was overreacting but the only thing that made sense after he locked the door of his private investigation office was reaching for the bottle of Maker's Mark bourbon in the bottom drawer of his desk.
Kate knew as well as he did that there was nothing for him to work on at his office besides the alcohol. Alexis and Hayley took care of the cases. Rick dropped by to sign paperwork, check-in, because the office did hold his name after all, and have a drink out of Kate's presence now that she was pregnant.
He logged into the computer thinking he might figure out something to write. The novelist needed to focus on something besides the name that kept pounding in his brain…Doctor Josh Davidson. It was nearly as harsh as hearing the name Senator Bracken…or 3XK…
Wow, that's dramatic Rick, even for you. He thought. But it was true. Josh Davidson was a nemesis of sorts.
Doctor Josh Davidson was the man who had pieced Kate Beckett back together after she was shot in the heart. Josh Davidson had voiced the one thing that Rick had worked so hard to deny - ultimately it was his, Richard Castle's, fault that Kate was shot.
He should be grateful - he was grateful - for all that Dr. Davidson had done. The cardiac surgeon had saved his wife's life. Dr. Davidson knew more about Kate's body than Rick would ever know. That man's hands had been inside his wife's body, stopped the aimless bleeding, started her heart again when it had stopped and been at her side as she awoke and regained her strength.
Rick downed the glass of bourbon and poured another as the thoughts circled round and round through his mind and heart. The day he had told Kate he loved her, and watched her die, she had been the good doctor's girlfriend; and Josh had brought her back to life.
He wasn't sure when the tears had started streaming from his eyes. Was it because he was reliving the sight of Kate lying on the ground at the cemetery? Was it watching the life drain out of her body in the ambulance? That had been the moment that a piece of him had died as well. That was the moment he realized that he truly meant the words he had said to her. He loved her.
From the very depths of his heart, he loved her.
Or was he crying from the frustrations of hearing Josh tell him it was his fault that Kate was shot? The feeling of the doctor's hands pushing him out of anger for nearly taking Kate away from him at that point in time.
Rick would've thrown a punch if Martha, Alexis and Kate's father hadn't intervened. But it would've been a weak attempt because that whole debacle only made him realize that Josh loved Kate too.
And in the three months after confirming that Kate really was still alive, Rick Castle had spent each and every day convincing himself that she was happy with Josh…that he was the man she needed in her life.
He still had spent every possible moment trying to find Kate's near-assasin just to make himself feel better. Because being with her, loving her, just wasn't in his cards.
Rick replayed the overwhelming sadness he had felt. He realized, now, that he really couldn't remember what his daily life had been like for the months that she was out of it. He assumed - he had never asked - that Josh had spent that time helping Kate recuperate at her father's cabin.
When she talked about days spent alone he cringed, because he took that to mean alone…with Josh.
He wiped his eyes. He thought he had pushed all of these feelings away when she came back to him. As they sat on their swings and Kate told him that she and Josh had broken up; his heart sped up with just an ounce of hope.
Though it still took time and work and healing, their partnership grew again, even stronger because of all they had been through. And now his wife…his wife…was pregnant with his baby girl and they should be together celebrating life with their family.
But if Kate's former boyfriend came back into their lives…
Instead of writing, Rick spent the next few hours doing research. He Googled Dr. Joshua Davidson and wasn't at all surprised when pages of story links and biographical information popped up.
He rolled his eyes. Josh's story read eerily similarly to Kate's - well similar in that he was practically Doogie Howser breezing through med school, acing everything heart related. Rick scoffed, no wonder Kate fell for him, he probably knew some kind of jedi heart tricks about love as well.
And then his brain countered with, No, Rick, he mended Kate's heart physically and probably romantically as well.
The thought process continued with, He's a good looking man, smart, closer to Kate's age…tall, dark, handsome…world traveling, motorcycle riding, doctor…son of a bitch.
Rick tipped the square bottle over his glass and grunted, disgruntled, that there was less than half a glass dripping from his liquor stash. He took a quick sip, let the whiskey burn down his throat and clicked on the next installment of Impressive Dr. Davidson.
Doctors Without Borders listed the volunteer work that Josh did. Numerous trips to third world countries, months away from home spent helping people of all ages suffering from cardiac issues. Pictures showed him with families holding young children who were his patients. There were even a couple of snapshots showing him hugging children.
Rick moved to page four of the Google search and clicked on a random link. The New York Times article took him right back to that fateful day again. He could tell from the doctor's quotes that Josh hadn't wanted to do the interview. "We found where the bullet had nicked the ventricle; stopped the bleeding. She went into cardiac arrest but we were able to shock her heart back into rhythm."
Rick didn't smile but he could imagine Dr. Motorcycle Man talking in medical jargon and the reporter asking him to put it in plain English for readers to understand.
He skimmed through the rest of the article, not fully interested in putting his heart through all of this again but the last paragraph caught his attention.
"Detective Beckett's father, New York attorney Jim Beckett, is grateful for the life-saving efforts offered by the cardiac team and his daughter's team of co-workers. 'WIthout the quick work of Katie's fellow detectives, her civilian consultant - Richard Castle - and medical examiner Lanie Parish, the doctors wouldn't have had a chance to save her. I appreciate each and every one of them. Thank you.'"
"Thank you, Jim," Rick said out loud.
His head was feeling the buzz from the hard liquor and the emotional roller coaster. He pulled his phone closer to him and unlocked the screen. He spent the next few minutes looking at the picture of his pregnant wife that served as his screensaver.
When he clicked into his messages he was a little surprised that Kate hadn't answered his text about the p.t. appointment. But there was a note that had come in about a half an hour ago.
9:00PM Are you coming home tonight?
Was it really 9:30 already? He had dropped Kate off at home around 4:00…he thought. Had he really spent the last five hours wallowing in…was it self-pity, contempt or valid heartache and concern?
He still couldn't face his wife. After walking out of the exam room and the constant thought of Dr. Davidson being part of this most intimate part of their lives, their family, he wasn't ready to accept it.
He couldn't find the right words to talk to Kate about it because he knew there was nothing he could say. Other than his own personal issues against Josh, there was no reason Kate shouldn't reach out to him. As much as it pained him to believe, Josh was again the man that needed to be in Kate's life for this situation.
Josh would be the best option to potentially save both Kate and their baby.
Rick put his hands over his face and closed his eyes for a moment before picking up his phone and typing, "Be there later. Don't wait up for me."
A moment later his screen lit up again, "I love you."
He stared at her message for longer than necessary before answering with, "love you 2."
Rick put the phone face down on the desk, turned in his office chair and looked out the window.
He couldn't put together a coherent thought, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing at the moment. It meant the alcohol was doing its job and he was finally numb to the various ideas and memories that had been haunting him for the past quarter of the day.
He had to go home tonight. He told her he would and there was still that part of him that hated the thought of being away from his wife and child. But, he still wasn't ready for a confrontation or even a discussion about their need for a cardiologist.
The private investigator decided to put further investigation on tomorrow's agenda. He leaned his head back against the top of the padded chair and closed his eyes. He wanted something simple to think about for just a few minutes as his mind cleared enough for him to drive safely.
He needed something positive.
And then he remembered. In all of today's chaos one thing made him smile. They were going to have a baby girl. He felt his lips stretch upward for the first time in hours. For now, that's where his focus had to be. So he picked up his phone again and quickly pulled up his gallery of photos. He clicked on the grainy, black and white images that he had taken of the screen in that dark room of the doctor's office.
"We're having a little girl."
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Afterthoughts… I know some will say 'Josh didn't save Kate's life…he stepped aside when the other doctor got to the operating room.' BUT, he did play a role in saving her life…was the first surgeon to start working on her - even though he wasn't supposed to. And in Rick's mind, Josh IS the one who saved her. In this story, Rick doesn't know any differently - once Kate recuperated and came back to him, it really didn't matter until now.
And again, I know a lot of folks don't like Josh, but I'm glad he played a role in both Kate and Rick's character development and helped them get closer together.
Thanks again for reading - and please, toss me a word or two in the reviews or dm's! Your reviews feed my muse and I'm very grateful for them.
KTCLF,
-adcg
