A/N

First, my apologies for making you wait so long for this chapter. I could give lots of excuses, but mostly it's just life, work, and a healthy dose of writer's block. I've got the story outlined, but still, it happens.

Second, thanks for nominating me as favorite newbie author in the Twific Fandom awards. I'm honored that anyone likes my stories.

As a refresher for where we left off last time … Edward was in New York to end things with Kate. It was long overdue, and his snow weekend with Bella made him realize he couldn't hide from it anymore. And *gasp* Kate slept with Garrett. Now Edward is returning to Chicago and plans to tell Bella everything … but we all know how that goes when they're in the conference room.

Unbeta'd, still for fun, ignore all my blatant mistakes.

S. Meyer owns all things, Twilight

Chapter 10

EPOV

I give the bartender an infinitesimal nod as I push my empty glass toward him, and he pours another shot. As I reach for it, I glance down at the flashing screen of my phone, where it sits on the mahogany bar.

Garrett again.

He hasn't stopped calling since I left Kate's an hour ago. I'm guessing it's not to confirm if I'm still staying at his place. I turn the phone over before bringing the glass to my lips and knocking back the drink. The warm liquid is a soothing salve as it goes down.

The bartender raises an eyebrow and holds up the bottle, but I wave him off. All I want to do is go up to my room on the fourth floor of this hotel and go to sleep. I pull out some bills and place them under the glass before leaning over, picking up my bag, and walking toward the entrance. A solo guitar player is setting up in the corner, and I put a five in the tip jar as I pass.

He looks up, startled.

"Thanks, man," he says.

I nod. "Knock em' dead. "

I push the button for the elevator, and as I wait, my mind goes back to earlier tonight and Kate's tear-stained face. Her words had been a whisper while her hands rested against the couch in tight fists.

"It was just once."

The shame and guilt that emanated from her were so palpable I could almost see it. I didn't say anything for a few seconds, and once the initial shock passed, I tried to process what I was feeling. It wasn't jealousy. I knew that immediately. And although justified, I didn't feel angry either. At least not as angry as someone should be when their girlfriend tells them she slept with their best friend. I should have wanted to rip Garrett's head off or smash some of Kate's pricey new artwork. But I didn't feel compelled to do any of that. Maybe it was because Kate and I hadn't been intimate in months, or maybe it was because I knew I didn't love her. Maybe the rage would come later when I thought about the level of betrayal from my so-called best friend, but as I watched her reach for a tissue, all I felt was relief.

Everything that was left silent and buried all this time was now lying on the carpet between us like something a cat barfed up. There was no denying it was ugly, but it was finally sicked up, unable to choke us anymore. So, relief was as good a descriptor as any. But the truth was, it could have been so much easier than this if we hadn't used work, Riley's death, or the distance as our excuse to avoid it. But here we were, doing it the hard way, with a tangled mess to clean up.

I watched her eyes dart around the room, looking anywhere but at me, and knew I played a part in this as much as she did. And while I may not have physically cheated, my feelings for Bella were real and strong, and I could have very easily been the one sitting on that couch trying to explain myself. I loved Bella. I knew that now.

"I know it doesn't make it better," she whispered. "But I want you to know, Edward …."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

"I want you to know how sorry I am, and I told Garrett that I couldn't –"

"Do you love him?" I asked.

Her eyes grew wide, and her mouth opened and closed as if she wasn't certain how to respond.

"Edward, I – "

I placed my elbows on my knees and leaned forward before running a hand through my hair.

"I'm not angry, Kate."

I looked up at her before letting out a breath, but her gaze was focused on the wall above my head.

"So, I'm asking you. Without judgment. Are you in love with Garrett?"

Silent tears fell down her face, and she didn't try to brush them away this time. And when she finally looked at me, I knew the answer before she even spoke.

"Yes," she whispered. "I am."

~!~

The elevator opens, and a group of young corporate types steps off, laughing with each other as they head to the bar. I enter and press the button for the fourth floor. As the car ascends, I pull out my phone and text Rose.

I'm catching an afternoon flight tomorrow. I'll be home by dinner.

The elevator stops on my floor and my phone dings with her reply.

We'll see you then. The boys miss you.

I put my phone back in my pocket. I miss them too. I walk down the hallway and pull out my key card. There is a slight beeping sound and a green light, and I turn the handle. Flipping on the lights, I walk toward the center of the room before opening the curtains and looking at the city skyline. I wish I were gazing out at another view, in another city—the one where Bella is.

I fall backward onto the mattress and stare at the ceiling, wondering what she's doing. The boys aren't the only ones I miss. I want to call or text her, but I won't. The next time I talk to Bella, I'm going to tell her everything, but I refuse to have that conversation over the phone. She doesn't even know I'm in New York.

I put my arms behind my head, realizing how awful it will all sound. Bella is principled and good, and I don't deserve anything from her, least of all her affection. Not to mention that I'm an arrogant asshole to assume she might have feelings for me in that way. And even if she does, after I tell her about Kate, I'm sure she won't want anything to do with a liar like me. Why would she?

I roll over, roughly pushing the pillow under my head before toeing off my shoes and shutting off the light. As I close my eyes and sink into the mattress, I let thoughts of home, my boys, and Bella's face lull me into a deep sleep.

~!~

I rush down the stairs on Friday morning and wave off Rose's offer of breakfast. I'm running late and know that Mr. Volturi will have more than enough food laid out for the presentation. I pull on my suit jacket and grab my briefcase before stopping at the table to kiss each of the boys' heads. George looks up from his pancakes.

"Aren't you taking us this morning Uncle E?"

"Not today, buddy," I say. "I've got to get to work for a big meeting."

"Is Bella going?"

I hesitate at the mention of her name and watch George shovel a large bite into his mouth. Syrup runs down his chin, and he looks at me while he chews.

"Um, yeah. Bella will be there."

"Tell her I said 'hi,' okay Uncle Ed?"

He holds a bite of pancake on his fork and offers it to me. I lean down, and he places it in my mouth. I make a show of pulling it from the utensil and he giggles.

I straighten before ruffling his hair. "I will."

Rose sits at the table. "You look like shit, Edward."

"Mom, language," Henry says before he spears a strawberry.

Rose looks admonished. "Sorry, honey. You're right."

I look at Rose, and she raises an eyebrow. "What?" she says. "Sorry, but you do." She reaches for her coffee. "Are you ready?"

I know she's not talking about the presentation. Bella and I know it inside and out, and the team's done a great job. Rose is referring to my plan to tell Bella the truth today. It will be the first time I've seen her all week, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

She places her napkin in her lap and levels me with a stare. "Relax. It's not like you're an axe murderer Edward. It's going to be fine."

It feels like it might be easier if I was an axe murderer.

She takes a sip and leans back in her chair. "Called Garrett yet?"

"Can I figure out one thing at a time, Rose, please?"

She doesn't respond. Garrett is not her favorite person right now. Kate won't make the top of her list anytime soon either, but Garrett seems to be facing most of her ire. I've had to stop her more than once this week from giving him a piece of her mind. I watch her profile as she picks at her food and have more of an understanding of what Riley saw in her. Aside from the obvious, of course. Rose Cullen is a fierce protector of the people she loves, and I'm lucky to have her in my corner.

I say my goodbyes and head to my car, trying to tamp down some of my anxiety. But it's hard because, for the first time since meeting Bella, I'm going to show her the real me: faults and all. But I'm determined and ready to lay it all at her feet because anything else isn't acceptable. No more secrets.

As I pull into the parking garage at work and exit the car, I try to psyche myself up.

"Get it together, Cullen. It's going to be fine," I say. My voice reverberates against the concrete walls, and I look around to make sure no one has witnessed me talking to myself.

I straighten my tie and head into the building, pumping myself up and thinking about what Rose said. She's right. I mean, how bad could it be?

~!~

It was a dumpster fire.

Before I even had a chance to talk to Bella about anything, it was a pure fucking shit show. Mr. Volturi had been praising us for the work we'd done, but all I was aware of was the woman beside me. She smelled like summer. Like the lightest fragrance after a rainstorm, and it swirled around me, creating a feeling of hope. Maybe even a promise of things to come.

And that's when the Universe decided to play the cruelest trick, to let me know I had control over nothing. That all my plans could be swept aside in an instant, and I was an arrogant fool. It was like a head-on collision, one you see coming but are helpless to do anything about. All you can do is watch the carnage as it unfolds.

And now, as I watch her retreating form through the glass walls of the conference room, my heart is beating so hard I think Carmen might have to give me CPR right next to her rolling black office chair. She continues to review charts on the Anderson account, but I can't hear a thing. It's just white noise as blood pounds between my ears.

Mr. Volturi watches Bella too, and his brow is furrowed when he turns back to me.

"Cullen, do you know what's wrong with – "

He stops suddenly and stares at me until his eyes widen slightly. I pull out the chair next to Carmen's and slump into it.

Axe murderer would have been so much easier.

~!~

"You're not even trying, Uncle Edward." Henry's voice sounds exasperated.

"If you didn't want to play, I would have had mom come in. She's not as good as you, but at least she'd be paying attention."

I look up from my phone and grab the video game controller.

"Sorry. Okay, I'm ready."

"Why do you keep looking at your phone?" he says.

"I was just checking to see if someone had responded to a text I sent. Sorry, you have my full attention."

He doesn't restart the game and instead just looks at me.

"What?" I say. "Go ahead. I'm ready."

"Is it Bella?"

His question throws me off guard, and I place the controller next to me on the floor. "What, I mean, why do you think it's Bella?"

He rolls his eyes and leans back against the gaming chair exaggeratedly.

"Jeez, I might only be eight, but I'm not stupid."

I bark out a laugh.

"I know you're not stupid, Henry."

He looks at me expectantly.
"So, are you waiting for a text from Bella?"

I lean back in my chair and turn my head to the side to look at him before sighing.

"Yeah."

"Did you mess up?" he asks.

I nod. "Big time."

He picks up the controller and starts the game again.

"Dad said everyone makes mistakes," he says. "He said the important thing is to own up to them and try to do better the next time. And the people that forgive you are the ones you want in your life."

He focuses on the game now, and I watch him shift in his seat while he concentrates.

My love for him is so big at this moment that I think my heart might burst, and even the pain of missing my brother can't overshadow it. I worry about George and Henry having to navigate their lives without him and hope I can be half the man he was.

I pick up my controller as player number two flashes on the screen.

"Your dad was a wise man, Henry."

He smiles at me.

"I know."

~!~

"Don't be a stalker, Edward."

Rose and I are cleaning up the kitchen after putting the boys down, and she hasn't been shy about how she thinks I should handle the situation with Bella.

"I'm not."

"You are," she says. "She didn't text you back last night. The girl obviously needs space. And from what you told me went down in that conference room yesterday, I don't blame her. Jesus, Edward, how could you not have told Mr. V that Heidi's drunk ass assumptions about you and Kate being engaged were wrong?"

"I didn't even know she mentioned it to him," I say. "I didn't think it was a big deal. Kate was freaked out, convinced she was becoming some kind of alcoholic –" Rose raises an eyebrow at me, but I continue, "I had more important things on my mind back then, Rose."

Her gaze softens, and I know she realizes it was right after Riley died.

"Well, it matters now, doesn't it?" She mutters before shaking her head.

I close the dishwasher and turn on the cycle before walking past her.

"I'm aware."

~!~

I'm lying in bed, staring at my phone. The light from the screen illuminates my darkened room. I ignore Rose's advice and send Bella a text.

Bella, I know you think I'm an asshole, but please, I need to see you.

And then I go complete, full-on stalker and send another one two minutes later. Fuck it. If I was going to hell …

Bella, I know you won't believe me, but I'm not engaged.

I wait five minutes, then ten. Nothing happens.

I'm an idiot.

I roll over to put my phone on the table and catch something out of the corner of my eye—the three bubbles on the screen. My heart starts to beat faster, and I can feel my adrenaline spike as I wait. She's probably going to tell me to fuck off. I sit up in bed and stare at the screen. The bubbles stop, and my heart drops. Then they start again. Then they stop.

Jesus!

I run a hand through my hair and drop the phone by accident. I scramble to pick it up and grip it tightly. The bubbles appear again, and then ...

I'm not sure what to believe, Edward.

I sit up straighter, my heart racing.

She didn't tell me to fuck off. That's got to mean something. I type out a response.

Just let me talk to you. I'll explain everything.

It feels like an hour passes, and then she's typing again.

Fine. I'll meet you tomorrow at that café around the corner from the office—10 o'clock.

I smile and do a fist pump.

The one with the hot chocolate you like?

She makes me wait longer this time, and for a moment, I don't think she's going to respond. But finally, my screen lights up.

Yes. Don't be late.