A/N: This whole backstory/origin is a work in progress. I will be rearanging scenes and adding more in-between, so you will find there's a lot of time skips. If you want to be the most up-to-date on everything related to this series, I would recommend going to /jenhunter :)

26.06.2009

The night went by, then the day went by and as she circled back to her camp she found prey once again laid out on the stone. She closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, making up her mind.

After nightfall she made her way to the church, half of the day's gained goods safely packed in a bag. She switched off her flashlight as soon as she closed the door behind herself.

"Kurt?" she called out softly.

She heard a stir above.

"Ja. I'm here."

She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly as she walked across the room. "I brought your share" she said low and placed the contents of her bag on the altar.

"Thank you."

He sounded sad, and she could imagine why.

"Listen, about yesterday… I'm sorry" she turned around and hopped onto the altar to sit on its edge, facing the vast empty room and all of its darkness swallowed corners. "I snapped- it was a full blown overreaction. I thought about it a lot today" she sighed and lowered her eyes to the floor in the distance. "It's probably because I was always so sick when people treated me like I don't know what's going on, what I want and what I feel, and refused to acknowledge that my shitty relatives caused me to grow up way too fast. I should be playing with dolls when I already read about survival in the wild. I spend so much time and effort making sure I know exactly what I'm doing to run away from home, and all they could ever see was an angry child throwing a tantrum."

She took a moment.

"They thought I didn't understand the shady business, shady people coming through our doors, they thought I didn't know the house was bugged and computers monitored, or that not a single stack of cash I saw handled in the hallway was clean money, and that I'll just forget police raiding our house and confiscating tons of shit for evidence, twice. I was followed by police cars and they listened to my conversations with friends to get any information on shit my father was up to. They acted like I'm naive enough to overlook how toxic, self-absorbed and manipulative my relatives are. The few people who saw anything beyond the fake front of a perfect family, they sugarcoated my reality and thought I'll eat it up like candy because I'm just an innocent kid. Your family loves you, your parents really try their best, your grandparents mean well, they all just do it differently then you want them to. Bullshit like that" she grimaced. "So now I just get SO angry SO easily when I feel like someone's not completely upfront with me. And maybe you refusing to come face to face with me triggered something in me. Anger issues, I don't know. But I'll try to keep myself in check next time. Again, I'm sorry."

He was quiet for another moment. "...I'm sorry you had to grow up in that environment."

She scoffed. "Let's not pretend like it's the worst thing to happen to a kid. I just had very little patience for shitty people acting like they're better than everyone else" she stated. "By the way, I'm pretty sure you had it worse. Considering how you point-blank refuse to show your face now."

He seemed to chuckle sadly. "I had amazing parents. But everything else was a disaster."

She waited for him to elaborate, and eventually he realized that.

"Looking so different affected every aspect of my life. I grew up as my parents' secret. No friends, school, not even extended family. There were a few instances where I'd leave the house and someone would see me… Before I knew it there'd be a mob chasing me down screaming something about demons" his voice lowered to a whisper, and even with the way it carried she had to listen extra carefully to make out his words. "My father died trying to protect me from the locals and nobody wanted anything to do with my mother after that, even though they didn't even know I was their son" he admitted shakily.

"I'm sorry" she whispered back.

For a lingering moment she could just hear his shaky breath. She waited quietly.

"And then" he started again, snorting. "Next time a mob situation happened, some stranger offered to help but ended up selling me to a Freak Show" there seemed to be fear creeping into his voice, and he needed a moment. "Even at the Institute- that was made for people with mutations like mine, people I thought of as friends avoided being too close to me. And when I found a girl I thought looked past how different I am, it turned out I was basically just a fetish for her."

The bitter sadness in his voice was the rawest emotion she ever heard.

The following few days she kept coming back after dark, and they kept talking. It seemed like each night went on longer, edging closer to dawn by the time she'd leave the old church. Most of the time they'd discuss lighter matters and recall funny or interesting memories from their respective lives. But every time their conversation would stir towards these more personal, emotional matters, the same need for warmth resonated from the boy's recounts of his encounters with people and failed quests for being accepted.

And every time her heart broke a little more, as she developed a little more understanding of the faceless voice and his deep-seated fear of evoking the same emotions in her that caused other people to reject him in the past.

"Is there anything I can do or say to convince you that it's okay to show yourself?" she asked one night.

He hesitated before answering with what she could assume to be a sad smile. "I think I heard it all before."

According to his recounting there were many promising claims people made about not judging, accepting and feeling comfortable with the way he was, all of which fell short of being fulfilled and built this impenetrable wall of doubt. She could imagine he's especially not going to want to risk losing the only person he knows around here.

She found herself biting her tongue on a few occasions to stop herself from asking about the holowatch she knew he had on the show. But asking it would not only reveal her suspicion to the oblivious boy, but also would be acting under the assumption that the suspicion is correct. She promised herself to not bring it up until she sees him for herself and confirms she's dealing with a Nightcrawler-look-alike.

It seemed like she still had a long way to gain his trust enough that he'd let her confirm or debunk her thesis.

"What do you need the most that you never felt like you had because of all this?" she asked that night.

He didn't think for too long before answering; "I think just this warmth of being close to someone without being judged" he said faintly.

A short moment later she stood up and headed to the spot filled with the darkest shadows she could find in the church.

"What are you doing?" he asked, confused.

"Come here" she said, blindly finding the wall and sitting down against it in thick darkness. She could see his light eyes in the shadow of another pillar, a dozen feet away. "You said you can see better in the darkness than other people. I don't. We don't have to stay a mile apart and have objects between us. I won't see you if you come right here either" she said low.

He was very hesitant when he eventually started moving in her direction, very carefully inching his way through the shadows. All she had to indicate his position was the pair of eyes glowing softly in the darkness. He came to a stop a few feet away from her.

She urged him closer with a gentle move of her hand. "You can see what I'm doing, can't you?"

"...Ja…"

"All I see is your eyes" she tried to make her voice sound soft, just to make sure he doesn't think that's too much already. A rustle told her he shifted uncomfortably anyway. "Come on" she urged low.

He stepped forward, almost as if in slow motion making his way to the front of her and cautiously crouching or kneeling down just out of reach.

She grimaced with sad compassion. She didn't know if he can see that well to know.

"What are you so scared that I would do?" she asked.

He seemed to drop his eyes to the floor. "I'd rather not think about all the options."

His eyes shifted and she had a weird conviction they were now on the knife strapped to her thigh. Without much thought she shifted her hand to it and the boy was up on his feet that instant, stepping back from her.

She felt a fresh crack creeping over her heart.

"Do you really think I'd draw my knife on you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time someone did after seeing me" he whispered with something all too close to shame.

"Kurt, I didn't even see you" she insisted.

"I don't know that" he shook his head. "We're living in the same area, and you know exactly where I sleep."

"What, do you think I caught one look at you at some point and decided that you need to die?" she asked, only to realize that it's probably how it went more than once when he dropped his eyes to the floor between them. "I bring stuff for you every day, and you help me, too. And call me crazy, Kurt, but I want to trust you" she lowered her voice to an intense whisper. "Can you please trust me, too?"

He lifted his eyes to her, but remained hesitant.

She sighed. "Look" she slowly moved her hand to the knife on her thigh and he budged. She unstrapped it and held it between her fingers by the blade. "I'm going to throw it away from me, alright?" she warned before pushing it across the floor and into the light at the center of the nave. "See? I'm not going to try to hurt you, Kurt."

"...Thank you" he said faintly.

"Don't thank me for something like this, silly" she sighed. "Just come here" she said softly.

He stepped back closer and crouched just out of her reach again.

"Not there. Here" she spread her arms slightly.

"What…?"

"You said you need to finally feel the warmth of being close to someone without judgement. I don't even see shit to be judgemental about it" she smiled sympathetically. His glowing eyes were wide and confused. "Come on, don't make me beg. I could use a hug, too."

After a moment she heard the rustle as he moved closer to her. "Just don't… don't touch my- skin… please?" he said faintly.

"I'll try" she promised low.

She avoided any sudden movement as she watched his eyes come closer, and for the first time she had such a clear glimpse into them. They were honey-yellow, with a pale glow that made them the only distinguishable feature in the darkness. The innocence and fear seemed clear even in that small, brief glimpse before his eyes disappeared from her line of sight and she felt the warmth of his body ever so slowly settling between her arms. She waited for him to settle down before gently wrapping arms around his back. He shuddered nervously.

"Relax" she whispered. "I won't do anything."

He inhaled sharply and let it out slowly. He started to shift back.

"Stay" she urged, although left him the freedom of movement. "We can just sit here as long as you need it. And we both know you do need it" she smiled sympathetically at his glowing eyes.

He closed his eyes and dropped back into her arms, clearly cautious of avoiding skin-to-skin contact but ever so slightly desperate for a hug, too. It was a few seconds before she felt wetness soak through her shirt and realized the shivers working down his back aren't just from nervousness. She ran her hand up his back, over a hood and to the back of his head. She could feel his shoulder-length hair coil around her fingers and she smoothed them, running her fingers through the strands gently.

She rested her head against his and stayed like that, avoiding much more movement to not run the risk of breaking her promise not to touch his skin.

"We've got all night" she assured softly.

He needed this. But maybe so did she. She closed her eyes and just let herself absorb the feeling of warmth from his body. For the first time embracing someone didn't feel like a chore, even if there were so many rules to it.

It was a long time before Kurt spoke up;

"Do you ever forget what it's like to simply… touch another person?"

She closed her eyes and held him a little tighter. "No. But I forgot what it's like not to force it for whatever reason."

He seemed to shift back ever so slightly. "Are you forcing yourself to-?"

"No" she said before he could finish. "For the first time in forever, I'm not."

They were quiet for a while, neither of them willing to let go.

"It'll start dawning soon" Kurt said finally.

"We could just sit here until the light of day" she suggested.

He shifted back, shaking his head. "No, Fallen-..."

"Alright" she said simply. "I'll go. Don't worry."

3.07.2009

She made it back to her camp and slept for a few hours, again woken up by nightmares of all roads leading back to her old family house. She couldn't fall back asleep afterwards, so she took what she needed and went down to the lake. It must have been late afternoon; she spent the night at the church and only left at dawn. Maybe not the smartest decision, considering she should use daylight for life-saving chores and not sleep through most of it. But it felt good to have someone she actually wants to spend time with.

She exhaled deeply as she dropped her clothes on the shore and went into the lake. The water wasn't very cold, considering the lake wasn't very big and recent months were quite warm all around the clock. She used a cheap shampoo-plus-shower gel combo bought from men's section of a convenient store and washed herself. Mother nature will need to forgive her for contaminating this lake so often, but she knew how important it is to keep up appearances of not being homeless if she wants to go under the radar during her trips to the town.

For the same reason, once she was done washing she combed her hair with a small comb and washed her teeth with a toothbrush and toothpaste that she left on the the shore. Then she opened a compact mirror and used the lakewater and a little bit of the shampoo-and-gel combo to wipe off makeup that was smeared under her eyes. She wasn't going to carry an extra makeup remover on top of everything, so whenever she'd go into town she'd just reapply a fresh coat of dark eyeshadows around her eyes.

This way she was able to keep her hygiene products to a minimum - one product to wash her entire body, toothpaste, small brushes for teeth and hair, one mirror and one eyeshadow, and of course a box of tampons back at the camp. She was able to fit it all in a small pouch along with a small, glass container with painkillers that were also good for fever and infections. That left more than ⅔ of her bag empty for other useful stuff and food that can't expire in a long time. She found it reasonable, as people paid much less attention to her if she went into towns and cities looking fresh and with a layer of makeup to fool people as to her actual age.

Her eyes shifted from the darkening sky to the woods when she heard a rustle. She watched for a few minutes, but couldn't see anything. She got out of the water, waited a few more short minutes for water to drip and evaporate off of her body before putting her clothes back on, they could do without washing for another day or two, and she didn't have time to wait for it to airdry since it was a rather late hour already. Also there were dark clouds coming in over the sky, so she wouldn't expect for it to dry by the end of the day.

By the time she was done, the dark clouds were over her head, and rain started falling. She cussed under her breath and started in the direction of her camp. By the time she made it there, it was like the sky broke open. Rain was pouring so much it felt like she could drown by just opening her mouth and looking up, and a storm came out of nowhere; lightning bolts were deafening and way too close for comfort.

She made a quick decision, picked up her bag and quickly headed for the old church.

She was soaked by the time she arrived there, but the lack of wind and heavy rain inside gave her instant relief.

"Hey, mind if I wait out the storm with you?" she asked out loud, but there was no response. Rain was playing against the stained glass windows and the sounds of storm were muffled behind the thick walls, but other than that the cathedral was quiet. "Kurt, are you there?" she asked again as she walked down the aisle.

She arrived at the front with a certain, surprising worry in her gut.

Just as she put down her bag on the front pew and was about to climb up to the nook where Kurt was usually sleeping to check for him, the door of the church creaked open. She turned to the door alarmed, and in a flash of lightning saw a black shape of a slender male with a tail enter the church. The flicker of light was gone in a fractal of a second and everything went dark again.

"Kurt…" she said, relief slowly settling in her guts.

She could hear him yelp with surprise. "Fallen…!"

There was a sudden BAMF by the door and again far to the left corner of the church. His voice came from the new spot;

"I was just out looking for you but found your camp empty…"

She smirked to herself. "No need to worry about me, I was smart enough to come here on my own. I hope you don't mind if I hang out here until the storm is over?"

"No, of course… I was going to ask you to stay here. I don't want you out there in this weather… In fact I'd rather if you didn't have to be out in the forest at all."

She sighed. "Most days I'm fine in the forest. As long as it's summertime anyway, and then… I don't know" she grimaced. "Anyway. Can I have a random question?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"I started to wonder today how you deal with stuff like getting showers etc. because you clearly manage to take good care of yourself… If I can judge after that one hug."

There was a small chuckle in the darkness. "I teleport to public showers downtown after closing hours."

"Convenient" she nodded with approval. "I opted for just washing in the lake nearby on most days. In fact, I just did that before the rain started. Now it's wasted because I will smell like rainwater again" she shook her head but there was a smile on her lips.

"Yeah, try being soaked with rain when you have fur, now that's-" he cut off, suddenly realizing what he'd said. She could sense his terror in the air before he even started stuttering; "I didn't- I didn't mean to say that- I…"

She felt something stir in her own gut at the accidental confirmation of her own theory about him - one that, mind you, was pretty solid by now even without him admitting anything at all. But she could hear it in his voice that he was spiraling into panic after saying what he did.

"Don't forget to breathe" she said, trying to keep her voice calm and unimpressed. She ran through many things to say and none of them felt right. "You have fur, then. No big deal."

She walked towards the altar, but cautiously kept her ear out for Kurt; she could hear his heavy breathing somewhere in the back, off to the side. Maybe the best thing to do would be to push past this moment before he spirals further.

"Do you know if there are any candles left in this church?" she asked, looking at empty candle stands.

It took him a few seconds to regain composure but eventually, he responded faintly; "...I saw some in the back, around where the building is collapsed."

"Awesome" she nodded and pulled out her flashlight. "I'll go look for them."

She went through the door behind the altar and spent the next ten minutes examining the backrooms, leaving Kurt to catch a breath after the accidental confession. Meanwhile, she was wondering about her own intent towards him, for that matter. She had never before depended on gaining someone's trust, or being able to trust them.

Well, never after her mother failed that inherent trust she was born with, anyway.

She came back with a box of yellowing candles that somebody left behind and settled in on the altar. She placed the candle holders on top of it as well and put the candles inside. When she started lighting them up one by one, she could hear a rustle in the darkness.

"Does it make you feel uncomfortable?" she asked softly, "The light?"

She heard him swallow. "Ja."

"Why?"

"Because… it allows you to see me if I don't hide completely."

"And why is that such a bad thing?" she asked, finishing with the last candle and coming around to the front of the altar. "Help me understand. What do you think would happen if I saw you point-blank?" she rested back against it with her arms crossed.

It wasn't the first time she asked this question, but this time she sounded calmer and more compassionate, which made Kurt more comfortable voicing his thoughts rather than feeling put on the spot.

He was quiet for a short moment. "...You wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore."

She scoffed sadly. "And you know that how exactly?"

"Because it happened before…"

"With me?" she asked. There was confused silence in response. "It never happened with me. Why don't you give me a chance to prove you wrong?"

"I gave chances to a lot of people" he said, his voice shuddering. "And then I always ended up alone or kept at arms' length."

Fallen's arms unfolded and she sighed. "Boy, I swear. Your paranoia is through the roof. And we've got a pretty high one up here."

"It's not- paranoia" he huffed with frustration. "It's- what I know from experience…!"

"And what I know is that you will need to trust someone, someday, eventually" she said low. It hit her that maybe the same applies to her, and she was quiet for a moment before picking up her thought again. "For some reason talking to you makes me feel like for the first time in my entire fucking life… I am talking to an actual human being and not just another empty, soulless shell… So I want to be the person you can trust. I want you to…" she struggled for words for a second. "I want you to be the first person I can trust, too. But it takes a goddamn lot of opening up to have mutual trust and… it just won't happen if you keep resisting."

There was a low noise in the darkness, much like muffled, low crying.

She sighed low. "I have never… ever offered someone a hug before like I have to you. So if nothing else, I'm trying to be open-minded with you, I am."

"That hug… Can we do this again?" he asked faintly.

She smirked briefly before her face dropped in confusion at the odd feeling in her chest. She chose not to dwell on it and just nodded her head, unsure whether he can see it or if he was even looking in her direction.

"Of course" she said and made it over to a dark spot, albeit a different one than before. She didn't think about it at first, but this one didn't have such an easy access - meaning there were no other shadows adjacent that he could use to walk over to her.

She was curious how he will handle getting there.

She stood there for a moment, listening to the anxious stir somewhere further away. She rested her back against the wall and swept the room with her eyes. "You coming?"

"Um… Do you mind if I teleport over to you?"

She scoffed under her breath. That's how, she thought, amused and at the same time - disheartened. "Sure, I guess."

She waited for a moment, a little tense and unsure of what to expect of being so close to his teleportation spot.

Then there was the noise - BAMF! - somewhere up in the corner, and again - BAMF! - this time close and loud, with a gust of air caressing her skin. Her next inhale brought a series of violent coughs and a gun-poweder-like, thick smell that took a few seconds to clear out.

"Shit" she cussed, clearing her throat. The coughing fit seemed over but her throat still felt irritated.

"I'm so sorry!" he said, shame and worry in his voice. "I should have warned you."

"You think?"

The golden eyes glowing in the darkness a few solid feet in front of her shifted down. She sighed.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this…" he whispered nervously.

"No, it's fine" she stepped a bit closer. "Lesson learned. Next time I won't get a lungful of this… smoke?"

"It's, um, sulfur fumes" he explained shyly. "It's what gets out from the atmosphere of the dimension I go through when I teleport… or something like that, I don't fully get the science of it…"

"That makes two of us" she scoffed humorlessly. "I'm not gonna lie, you're challenging everything I thought I knew."

"Because I can teleport?" he asked unsure, lifting his eyes to her again. "Or because I told you I look so different?"

She thought about her thesis about him being the same person as the character on a made-up show, and she thought about how she never thought she could feel any shred of genuine sympathy for another person. She wasn't sure what was the most unusual thing about this situation, but it was definitely one of those two factors rather than anything Kurt himself was concerned about. Although the teleporting and looks were definitely challenging what she thought she knew, too.

"Among other things" she responded quietly. She saw the confused squint of his eyes, but before he could ask any further questions she waved it off. "Anyway, where were we at? Let me remove my knife…"

She reached to unstrap the knife from her leg like the last time, when his faint voice stopped her; "You don't have to."

Her fingers pulled back and her eyes trained on the golden orbs hanging in the darkness.

It was a two-way street. A knife within the reach of one is a knife within the reach of both.

She shifted her hand away, letting the knife remain against her thigh.

Instead, she lifted her arms slightly and let them hover in a welcoming position. "Come on then" she whispered.

There was a glisten in his eyes that she didn't have time to identify before his eyes closed and he found himself between her arms, much quicker than the first time, but still very gentle and cautious. Her arms wound around him, his ever so delicately wrapped around her.

He exhaled nervously but with some relief.

Her hands gently wandered his back, soothing but also exploring. A part of her still felt like it was all a fever dream - it should be. But a more grounded part of her knew otherwise, and the sensation of being so close to him solidified everything that felt so vague when he was just a voice from the darkness.

They pulled apart.

"You seem to trust me more now" she whispered.

He scoffed. "I want to."

"You can" she said without giving it much thought. But then she realized there was more truth to it than just her not having any malicious intent regarding the boy. She had nothing to gain from betraying his trust, but even if she did, she didn't want it.

She stepped out of the deep shadows and into the moonlit space. She turned around; the boy's shadow was a deeper black against the already dark corner of the hall. It would be so easy to lose sight of him if not for the eyes watching her with the same old worry that was in them every time she looked.

"Come on" she whispered, reaching her open palm in the direction of the shadows.

He inhaled shakily before shaking his head. "No, it's… not a good idea."

"You said you want to trust me" she tried to sound reassuring. "Here's your chance to trust me."

He stepped back, further away from the faint light. "I'm sorry…"

Her hand dropped loose by her side.

Maybe to him, it just felt like he had everything to lose. Maybe it was his survival instinct telling him not to go down the same old routes that lost him friendships before, just like her survival instinct drove her into a forest where no one could send her back home.

She found herself unable to blame him for this extreme self-preservation, even though it got on her nerves the way he was stubbornly refusing to confirm or debunk her hypothesis about him. And the way he kept refusing to trust her.

Why do I even care if he trusts me? She asked herself, and yet there was no denying it - she did care.

She let the air out of her lungs and the tension out of her shoulders then stepped back into the shadows with him.

"Alright" she whispered softly. "Baby steps, then?"

His eyes shifted to her, unsure as ever. "What do you mean?"

She sat down cross-legged. "Sit with me" she said softly.

He swallowed nervously and sat down facing her. She shifted closer - it made him draw a sharp breath, but she stopped just short of contact. There was but a tingle of warmth against her knees from where they almost touched his own.

She lifted her hand and slowly reached out toward where she presumed his upper arm would be in relation to his eyes. He shifted back, because of course he did.

"Don't move away" she whispered, and he listened.

Her fingers gently traced up the sleeve of his hoodie, over top of the shoulder and it just edged on the folded hood when he nervously whispered;

"Fallen…"

There was no particular question or request, but somehow his voice conveyed a lot of fears and doubts and most of all - pleas.

"You can trust me, Kurt" she assured softly.

Maybe it was the sound of his name, or maybe something in her voice, but he didn't say anything more. His golden eyes were open wide, filled with emotion to the brim, completely focused on her.

All she could see of him was the worried shifting of his eyes from her left eye to her right one when her fingers slid past the hood and onto the side of his bare neck. She involuntarily looked away from his eyes and to the darkness swallowing her hand when she felt his skin, or rather the soft hair covering it. No, not hair - fur is the right term. It teased her fingertips as his flesh moved underneath when he swallowed nervously and shifted his face slightly away from her hand, tense.

Her eyes shifted back to his own, altering between left and right like she wanted to read his thoughts as much as he was trying to read hers.

Her fingers gently slid up his neck, through his jawline and her palm gently cupped his cheek. His eyes were still wide open, shimmering and restless.

"You can trust me" she repeated even softer than before.

He still stared back at her, unmoving, but a short moment later she felt wetness at the top of her fingertip. She gently wiped the wet smudge in the fur on his cheek with her finger. His pained eyes closed for a few short moments before he opened them and inhaled deeply. She removed her hand from his face.

"Baby steps, huh?" he scoffed with a sniffle. The movement of the glowing orbs and a rustle told her he wiped his own eyes.

She smirked softly. "Have you ever started your reveal like this? Letting someone to feel you in the darkness?"

He laughed humorlessly. "Never even crossed my mind. Direct touch is usually that late stage I rarely reach with people."

She scoffed before the briefest of smiles ghosted her face. "I must have done something right, then, if you let me this close before even letting me see you."

A few moments and sniffs later Kurt seemed to throw his head back, covering his face with hands as he groaned in frustration. He stayed like that for a moment, collecting himself before removing hands from his face with a deep exhale.

"My god, why is this situation making me such a mess?" he asked the high ceiling.

The girl scoffed again. "Tell me about it."

She could see his eyes shift to her with questions.

She shifted her position from cross-legged to sitting against the wall that was another two feet behind her. "Do you want my honesty?" she patted the ground beside her, pretty sure by now that he can see it even if she can't.

She could see his eyes move towards her as he sat down arm in arm with her, a few inches of distance between their elbows. "Honesty would be preferable" he scoffed humorlessly.

"I'm a little bit terrified of you" she said, staring ahead into the darkness. It made him flinch so much she could hear the rustle. Before he made up his mind about whether to leave the situation, she blindly found his leg and gently squeezed on his knee. "Let me finish."

He settled back down, but she could feel the nervous shivers working through his body.

"I'm not used to giving a shit about anyone. It feels like it conflicts with every fiber of my being… And now I'm suddenly feeling all types of ways. It's subtle, but it grows every day. I'm terrified of you because nobody ever made even consider making room in my life for a friend, for trust, for vulnerability… and you have me making more and more room for it every day, and it's more power than I would usually be comfortable giving to someone. And maybe it's even more terrifying because I'm giving it to someone who's so scared of claiming that space that he's always one foot out the door of my life."

"I'm not one foot out the door" he whispered shakily.

"You are, Kurt" she squeezed his knee gently. "You're not here, nor there. But it's alright" she swallowed, nodding to herself. "Usually I want everything to be instant- that's part of why I ran away from home. Instant freedom, no waiting until I come of age. But I would rather wait for you to come through than push so hard you push back, get the other foot out the door and leave."

She could feel a faint sensation over her palm, like Kurt came very close to taking hold of her hand, but withdrew at the last moment.

"I'm terrified of you, too" he said low. "You're building my hope so much, I'm afraid to see it go down in flames more than I've been afraid with anyone else in a very long time."

"A hope of being received well when you stop this charade?" she asked.

He swallowed. "Yeah. And if that went well, there are other things that could go wrong later down the line. I'm…" he inhaled and held his breath in for a few seconds. "I'm just so exhausted of losing people."

Her head rested back against the wall, she shifted her face in his direction. "You mean everyone left behind wherever you came from?" she worded it carefully, not to allude to the cartoon, but merely sticking to the information Kurt provided by himself.

"That, too" he agreed, turning his face to her as well. "But before that. It all started with my father dying, and everything went downhill from there. After I was at Xavier's, if I didn't lose someone by showing myself, then I lost them by my own stupid choices, and they all came down to being scared of one thing or another."

"Like what?"

"Like being scared to stand by my friends who were exposed as mutants, when I was still anonymous. It happened on multiple occasions and then some people who were okay with me or merely kept me at a small distance resented me. I can't say they were wrong, either… I deserved it for acting like a coward."

"Correct me if I'm wrong" she said, once again carefully picking her words not to allude to anything Kurt haven't told her. "From what I understand they blended in more than you, right?"

"Yeah."

"So maybe it's not that crazy to think that you had the right to be more scared if you were more affectedby being exposed. I can imagine throwing away the safety of anonymity comes harder when the contrast between being hidden and exposed is as drastic as you say."

He held her eyes for a change, looking rather calm if she could tell.

"The idea of throwing it away felt like the end of the world to me, to be honest" he admitted. "I had this…" there was a rustle like he was trying to convey something with gestures she couldn't see, "this crushing sensation in my chest whenever I came close to going through with this. I couldn't breathe, and I don't know, it was just…" he inhaled looking for words but then let it out in resignation without finishing the thought.

Fallen shifted to rest against the wall with her side, rather than her back. "I believe that's called a panic attack" she said softly.

The boy's golden eyes shifted in surprise for a moment, clearly taken back by someone addressing his state with those words.

"You seem to have a lot of unaddressed shit build up" she stated low.

Kurt didn't deny, just dropped his gaze a little. She observed him quietly, the glistening orbs hanging in the darkness, blinking in and out of existence. It was the first time he stayed just sitting quietly so close to her, giving her time to peer into the faintly glowing irises with pupils that were an ever so slightly darker shade of warm yellow.

"Your eyes are quite mesmerizing" she whispered honestly.

Wagner lifted his gaze to her with visible confusion, then looked away. There was a nervous swallow reaching her ears. "I was wondering if they made you feel unsettled or anything."

She slowly shook her head against the wall. "No. I mean- maybe at first when it was just those random eyes of a disembodied voice in the darkness. The more we talked the more it was comforting to be able to at least tell where you are by your eyes" she smirked. "And now that I'm looking up close… I love how deep and expressive your eyes are. Besides" she chuckled, finally shifting back to resting against the wall and looking ahead. "When I was younger, my favorite color was yellow."

"Oh, so I get extra points there, nice" Kurt seemed to find that amusing. "And now? What's your favorite color?"

She was glad to hear his chuckle be more relaxed.

"If you count black, I like black. But red it a close second."

"What a drastic change."

"Yeah, well" she sat cross-legged and looked back at him. "I'm a drastic measure kind of person. Oh, and between then and now there was a moment when my favorite color was green. I don't know what I was thinking."

"That's my favorite color" he also sat up straighter. "So tell me again what's wrong with it?"

She lifted her hands. "Absolutely nothing. I just don't get the appeal anymore."

"It's the color of nature. Trees and grass and other plants…"

"You're so cheesy, you know that, right?"

"Because my favorite color is the color of plants?" Kurt chuckled amused and baffled.

"Yeah, it's so… Kumbaya."

"Kumbaya? What is wrong with you?"

"The short answer is probably… a lot?"

They both laughed before falling into what initially was a short moment of comfortable silence. But by the time Kurt spoke up, it felt like a part of his comfort already evaporated.

"How do you feel about blue?"

The hesitance was unusual for such an innocent question on a surface level, but Fallen immediately knew why, a clear cartoon-based image of her secretive friend flashing in front of her eyes. She felt her heartbeat alter in some way in response to the actual heaviness of the question.

"Yeah, I guess blue is fine" she said, trying to keep her voice light. "You can either like it or not care, but I can't imagine someone actively disliking blue."

"And you?"

She wanted to give an honest answer, and the honest answer was a shrug. "I feel pretty neutral about it" she stated and let the silence hang for a minute before she decided to prompt him; "Why do you ask?"

There was a rustle as Kurt got up from the ground. "Just curious" he said nervously. "I, um… I think the rain stopped. I'll go check your snares now."

"I don't think anything got caught during-"

*BAMF*

"...the storm" she sighed and fell back with her head resting against the wall. Her eyes shifted to the old candles burning on the altar as she once again contemplated the brand-new sensation of giving a shit about someone.