Episode 2: Megan's First Blood
[The screen square intro]
"My life is very inconsistent," said Drake.
"Everything jumps around like nonsense," said Josh.
"One minute, I love my stepbrother, and the next, he does something very stupid and dangerous and we fight," said both brothers at the same time.
"Right now," said Josh. "Even our sister is confusing. What is her deal?"
"She abuses us, then she's nice to us," added Drake. "She doesn't care that we're in a crashing helicopter, then she rescues us from criminals."
"I haven't had the most normal life, and that's not just because I am an affluent white male in southern California," said Josh.
Suddenly, the whole screen shook. D&J's squares shrank considerably and a new square with Megan in it took up half the screen. She was laughing wickedly.
"No, Megan! Don't torture us! We've been nice to you," cried Josh.
"Yeah," said Drake. "Like that time we told you your ex-boyfriend Corey was cheating on you."
"Hmm... Corey," said the evil brunette. "I remember that. I wonder when he'll get out of juvie."
"He went to juvie?" asked Josh.
"Oh, yeah. He beat us up with kung fu moves," said Drake.
"I know he can defend himself well..." said Megan ominously.
[Screen square intro ends]
"Drake," said Josh. "Who is it that we're talking to every morning?'
"I think we're doing webcasts," replied his brother. "Megan probably hacked in to our chat session and added herself."
"That was awfully smart of you," said Josh.
"Thanks," said Drake, before picking up his shoe.
"I'm gonna see if there's gum that I stepped in that I can chew," he said before licking the underside.
"Never mind," said Josh, gagging.
[Arrow transition]
Audrey was speaking to Megan.
"You've been looking very happy and very angry recently. Is there any reason why?"
"I don't know, Mom," said Megan. "I may be going through a change that I read about in one of Drake's biology textbooks that he never reads."
"My little girl is growing up," said Audrey, hugging her daughter.
Megan whispered to herself, "Actually, it's because he's out."
[Theme song]
Well, I never thought it would be so simple, but
I found a way, I found a way
If you open up your mind (See what's inside)
Gonna take some time to realign
Over your shoulder, you know that I told you
I'll always be picking you up when you're down
So just turn around
Hoo!
Drake was sitting in his room alone. His sister then walked in.
"That's my personal guitar. You can't touch that," he said, for Megan had picked up his guitar.
Megan ignored him and moved her fingers accross the strings, playing badly. She sang the chorus of Used to Love Her by Guns N Roses, but using male pronouns.
"Woah, you know GNR?" said Drake, surprised.
"Yes," said Megan, dissapointedly, before switching to Die, Die, My Darling.
"You also know Metallica?" Drake asked incredulously.
"What? This song is by the Misfits," she said.
"Who are the Misfits?" asked Drake.
"I am tired of this," said Megan. "I don't even like this music. Go listen to Dissection, or whatever you listen to."
"What's Dissection?" asked Drake.
"Search it on the internet," said Megs, before dropping Drake's guitar on the ground and leaving the room.
[Arrow transition]
Josh was watching TV in the living room. The look on his face slowly grew to more confused.
How long has it been since Audrey and Dad got married? he said to himself. How old was Megan then? How old is she now? How old am I? What grade am I in?
Suddenly, the TV went to static.
"Oh no!" said Josh. "Oprah was almost on."
Josh pressed the buttons on the remote to no avail. The static got louder.
"Mom, Dad, the TV's not working," said Josh Nichols.
His parents entered the room and began to look at the television.
"What could be wrong with it?" asked Audrey.
"My opinion is that it's not working, honey," said Walter.
"I know that, Walter," said Audrey, exasperatedly.
Walter then picked up a phone book and the house telephone. He opened it to a random page and started dialing.
"Hello," said the voice on the other end.
"Hello, is your TV working?" asked Walter.
"Who is this?" asked the guy that Walter was talking to.
"That doesn't matter. Is your TV working?"
"What do you want?" he asked.
"To know if your television is working."
There was a pause.
"It does," said the voice from the phone. "Now, will you get out of my face?"
"What was that all about?" asked Audrey.
"It's only for us, and not the whole city."
"Good. Let's call the repairman," said Josh.
"I hope he's not the guy I just dialed," said Walter.
[Arrow transition]
"Now it's Drake time," said Drake, sitting on the couch in his gigantic bedroom.
He turned on the TV with his remote. The TV went to static.
"Hmm..." said Drake. "So this is black metal like that band Megan told me about."
He continued watching.
"I didn't know MTV would play music this heavy. Or any music these days. Wait a second. I think the TV's broken."
He got an irritated look on his face.
"Josh," he called. "Josh, Josh, Josh!"
A little bit later Josh came up.
"What is it, Drake?" he asked.
"The television's not working."
"I can tell that, Drake!" said Josh exasperatedly.
"So, do something. I'm lazy," said Drake.
"I am not a repairman of electronics," said his stepbrother. "The TV downstairs isn't working either. Mom and Dad are going to call a repairman."
"I hope it's Mr. Wilkinson because his daughter is hot," Drake said.
"Do you think about anything other than girls?" asked Josh.
Drake did not pay attention to him.
"I tried to date Kimberly a little while ago. She was always so sad, though. She never shut up about her brother being in juvie."
Suddenly, the TV became clear and a man with a large head appeared on the screen and shouted "Twelve thousand monkeys on the Empire State Building!". The screen went to static again.
[Arrow transition]
A man in a baseball cap was in the house talking to Walter.
"Mr. Nichols, I think this job will be difficult, but I'll be able to do it."
"Thank you, Mr. Wilkinson," said Walter.
"What is it you do again?" asked Mr. Wilkinson.
"I'm the weatherman on Channel-"
"You don't look like Bruce Winchel," interrupted the repairman.
"I'm not him; I'm one of his competitors," Walter said.
"Oh," said Mr. Wilkinson. "He's the only weatherman I ever watch."
Walter looked dejected.
'What is your wife's name?" asked Mr. Wilkinson.
"Her name is Audrey," said Walter. "That's strange," he continued. "It's been so long since I heard her name said out loud. It's like we live in Afghanistan."
"Oh. Is your wife single?" asked Mr. Wilkinson.
"Just fix my flippin TV!" Walter snapped.
Drake walked into the living room. He noticed the repairman and got a big excited smile before walking away with a spring in his step. Then Megan entered the room. She, too, noticed who was fixing the television and let out an evil laugh. Her stepfather and Wilkinson looked at her confusedly.
[Arrow transition]
Mr. Wilkinson was addressing the family.
"If your electronics are ever having trouble again, just call me. I hope they break a lot so I can have your money. I mean, I hope they work a lot so you can have your money. Here is my card with my address and phone number."
He produced a business card from his shirt pocket and gave it to Walter.
Drake opened his mouth, but Megan interrupted him.
"Ooh! Can I have one, too?" she asked.
Confused, Mr. Wilkinson gave another card to Megan and then left the house.
There were a few seconds of silence.
"Hey, I wanted that card!" said Drake.
"Oh well, boo hoo," replied Megan.
"I want it!" Drake cried, charging at Megan.
"No!" yelled the girl as she ran away with Drake in pursuit.
Walter and Audrey started chastising Drake while Josh muttered "Step-siblings are weird".
Josh was walking towards his room when he saw Drake and Megan in front of the door. They were shoving each other. Drake pushed Megan down, grabbed a small rectangle from her and stormed off into his room. To Josh's amazement, Megan did not retaliate, but walked back down the stairs.
[Arrow transition]
Megan sat on her bed. She pulled out a laptop.
"Frickin Drake," she muttered while typing on the keys. "Does he ever think with his brain?"
She typed some more.
"Time to get my tools from the deep web again. I'm so internet savvy I should make the web my lifestyle."
Josh was at his job at the theater again.
All of these zany incidents I've gotten myself into and I haven't got fired thought Josh. How long have I been working here? Two weeks? Four years?
Suddenly, a familiar blond boy walked up.
"Josh Parker," said Corey Wilkinson coldly.
"Actually, it's Josh Nichols," said Josh. "Drake Parker is my step brother."
"Whatever."
"Are you going to see a movie?" asked Josh.
"I went to juvie because you and your brother tried to beat me up. I hope it hurt when I hit back."
"How many girls have you dated since you got out?" said Josh to the prepubescent boy. "A googolplex?"
Corey bluffed a swipe at Josh, who ducked and screamed.
"Josh!" called Helen. "Would you quit fooling around and show that boy a movie?"
"Yes, Helen," said Josh.
He turned to Corey.
"What movie do you want to see?"
Suddenly, there was a scream in the theater. Crazy Steve ran down to where Corey was standing.
"Excuse me," Steve said softly. "Are you the boy who was hanging out with that small girl with long black hair?"
"Yes," said Corey.
"WELL, NO ONE TOUCHES HER!" Crazy Steve roared.
"What is going on?" asked Corey.
"I think you should meet me outside SO I CAN KICK YOUR BUTT!" said Steve.
The camera zoomed in on Josh's confused face as Dragon Ball Z sound effects played.
[Arrow transition]
Drake was sitting in his room, playing his guitar.
"I'm gonna be a star," he said. "I got a record deal and I got my song played at the Super Bowl. The only thing that could stop me is if another musician with my name became way more famous than me."
Drake put his guitar down and walked towards his door. An unwelcome surprise waited for him.
"Why are you always coming in here, Megan? Why are you never in a hallway?"
"Do we have hallways?" asked the dark-haired girl.
"What are you talking about? We've always had hallways," said Drake.
"No, it seems like we just have rooms that aren't connected to each other like we're on a film set or something."
"Megan, what are you talking about?" asked Drake. "Will you tell me that no one in this family is related and that you look more likely to be Josh's sister than mine?"
"Drake, you're weird," said Megan.
"I'm going out to the garden, which I don't remember ever seeing before, but I'm sure exists," Drake said.
"You've been living here fifteen to nineteen years and you don't know if... wait, when was the last time I was in the yard?" said Megan, starting snarky and ending confused.
"All I know," said Drake. "Is that I have the number and address and you don't."
He walked out of the room.
Megan turned towars the camera and laughed. She pulled out a business card and said "Walter's a bit careless with small things."
Then, she said "Wait, is there a camera crew in this room?"
[Arrow transition]
Audrey was sitting in a chair in the living room looking worried.
"Why is Drake always going out at night? He can be so irresponsible at times. And after he left, Megan said he's going with him. I hope he doesn't put her in any danger. I may have failed as a parent."
Josh walked in to the living room.
"Hey, Mom. Who are you talking to?" he asked
"I was talking to myself," said his stepmother.
"So, have you seen either of your biological children?" asked Josh.
"Well, I thought you'd know where Drake is off to. You and he are always doing weird things together."
"I am not involved in everything he does. If he wants to go out on Sunday night and not do his homework, I'm not part of it," said Josh, and walked off.
Audrey hadn't told him that Megan was out too.
"How old is Megan?" said Audrey to herself. "I gave birth to her, so I should know her age. I think her height is fourve foot thrine."
[Arrow transition]
Drake was walking down a San Diego street that was not his own. He pulled the business card out of his pocket and looked at it. He then put the card back into his pocket and picked up the bouquet of poorly cut flowers he had put on the curb.
"This seems like something weird is gonna happen. Every time I do something important, something awful but kinda funny happens," he said.
He walked up to a house and stood on the porch. Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice say "Hey, Drake".
"Kimberly?" he said. "You sound just like my sister Megan."
"Turn around, you boob!" shouted the voice again.
Drake turned around and saw Megan standing there. She was also holding flowers, but they were a funeral wreath. She was also wearing gloves.
"Megan?" said Drake incredulously. "What the heck are you doing here?"
"I was just going to this house to talk to uh... Kimberly. Yeah, that's her name," said the young brunette.
"You're carrying flowers?" he said.
Upon hearing this, Megan ripped the bow that said REST IN PEACE off the wreath.
"Yeah, I... I discovered something about myself," said his sister.
"You're way too young for her. Just go away."
"You're saying I have no chance with her?" asked Megan.
"Yes, that's what I'm saying," said Drake indignantly.
"Well, if you don't go home now and try again tomorrow," Megan said. "I'll ring the doorbell now and ruin every chance you might ever have with her in the future."
Drake backed down. He walked away grumbling about his bratty sister ruining everything. Megan put the wreath down, rang the doorbell, and ran away.
[Arrow transition]
The two boys were home.
"Josh," said Drake. "I didn't do my assignment. Can I copy off you when I turn it in late?"
"You know you're supposed to do work honestly, Drake. You should have done it ontime and now you should do your own work."
Megan entered the house. She looked rather tired.
"Megan!" shouted Audrey. "What happened to you? You should have been home from oboe practice one hour ago."
"Who cares?" asked Drake, prompting his mother and sister to look at him disapprovingly.
"Oh, mommy, something happened to me," she said, motioning to her skirt, which had blood on it.
"Oh, my dear, you're getting older," said Audrey softly. "You're growing up so fast, but it's probably been about thirteen years since you were born."
Audrey tried to hug Megan, put she pushed her mother away and went off to her room, smiling widely.
[Credits scene]
Josh was watching TV in his room as Drake sat on his bed. A news anchor was talking.
"In a shocking local crime, probably thirteen year old Corey Wilkinson was found murdered yesterday afternoon. He was sedated with chloroform and then decapitated."
"DRAKE! DID YOU HEAR THAT?" shouted Josh.
"I know. Maybe I should ask Kimberly out when she stops sobbing about her brother," Drake said.
"DRAKE, THAT IS NOT THE KEY ISSUE HERE!" shouted Josh.
