Downfall
Chapter 2: Grief
When Liara awoke from her sedative-induced sleep, it was to the noise of the ship's cargo bay. Activity buzzed around her as ensigns and marines flooded in and out of her vision. She was draped on a steel table at one end of the shuttle bay, which was noticeably larger than that of the Normandy. Easily twice the size of the Frigate's, she spotted a half-dozen Kodiak drop-shuttles in columns of hangar berths, in addition to three Makos that lined the back of the hangar. A lone Normandy escape pod sat unceremoniously in the middle of the hangar bay, its engines deactivated and its blast doors gradually being resealed by a pair of marines. Liara slowly shifted upright as she took in her surroundings. Her first guess was that they were on a cruiser – the size of the hangar bay suggested as much – but beyond that it was difficult to say. She couldn't see any of the other Normandy crew in the area.
"Excuse me," she called to the first ensign that passed her. The man was young – younger than Shepard – with short auburn hair and a few days' growth of beard on his chin and neck. His shipboard uniform was stained with oil and other liquids, and his face was dotted with several burn-marks. "Where am I?"
The man jumped slightly at her question, swivelling to face her. "You're awake lass – that's good. You gave us quite the scare when we pulled you out of that escape shuttle." He paused for a moment to wipe sweat from his brow, and quickly keyed something into his omnitool as Liara shifted herself forward on the table to bring her feet to the floor. "You kept shouting someone's name – I think it was Shepard."
Liara hesitantly shifted her full weight to her feet, sighing in relief when she didn't immediately collapse. "Yes," she responded nervously, "he was still on the ship when our pods jettisoned – he was on the last evac shuttle off the Normandy. Is he alright?"
The engineer's face dropped, and for a moment Liara was filled with utter panic. "I don't know. We haven't managed to track down all the pods yet – the force of the explosion tossed them everywhere in the system. The blast zone is a total mess – we've still got one pod to find though."
"Donnelly!" The ensign turned his head in the direction of one of his superiors, who was gesticulating wildly in his direction. "Two of the traction wave generators are malfunctioning down in the engine rooms. You and Daniels need to get down there and fix them! We're still looking for one or two more evac shuttles; we need those generators back online!"
"Yes sir," Donnelly turned to go.
"Wait!" Liara called after him as he entered the small porthole that led to the engine room, "where am I? What ship is this?"
Donnelly looked back at her for a moment, "this is the SSV Perugia, Alliance Fifth Fleet." With that, he disappeared into the bowels of the cruiser, and Liara was left again to contemplate what had happened.
They were still searching for the last of the escape pods, that much was clear. She could only hope that Shepard had managed to make it onto the pod. He must have – she was sure of it. He was too resilient, too determined to live, to fight, and to survive not to.
"Liara!" She turned to see Dr. Chakwas running towards her off of the cruiser's elevator. She looked well, though her cheek sported a large bruise that Liara guessed as a result of the violent evacuation from the escape pods. "You're finally up. You had me worried. You were taking far longer to recover from the sedative than most do. Are you alright?"
"Yes doctor, I'm fine," Liara shivered as she remembered the moments before she had hit her head, "a little shaken though."
"Yeah, you were in rough shape when the pods started getting dragged in," Liara turned to see Kaidan move towards them in the hangar. He still sported his dark grey light armour, though a bandage had been applied to his neck.
"Kaidan, you're alive!" Despite her worry, Liara couldn't help but be delighted to know that the Lieutenant had survived. "How many others made it out?"
Kaidan shook his head, "too few. Adams was one of the only engineers to make it out – Crosby and the others got trapped below. Pressly died in one of the first hits, as did most of the bridge staff."
"The extra trainees just added to the panic," Adams noted as he joined them, "there wasn't enough room for a lot of the crew to manoeuvre – particularly on the lower deck. The elevator jammed after the first party got up. If they ever make more Normandy-class frigates, they'll have to fix that. It cost us too many lives today."
"What about Joker and Shepard?"
"The last escape pod fired, which means at least one of them managed to get out. They don't auto-fire, and I specifically wrote extra protocols to stop them from doing so. Someone's still out there."
Despite his reassurances, Liara was skeptical. "What if the pod was destroyed in the blast?"
"Unlikely," Adams shook his head, "the reinforced armour is thick enough that a blast that strong would have killed us too."
"They'll find him," Chakwas put a reassuring arm across Liara's shoulders, "there's nothing we can do to speed it up. We just have to wait."
Two hours passed in near-total silence, with each of them unwilling or unable to say anything to one another. The occasional survivor from the Normandy would pass them by, saying a handful of words of hope before moving back to their resting area or on with their work. Many had already offered their services to the Perugia, and quickly filled the necessary tasks in diagnostics or tech. Liara was dismayed to see that so few of the Marine detachment or engineering corps had made it out – they had been so young and full of life and promise.
"Who attacked us?" Adams finally spoke, "whatever that ship was, it certainly wasn't Geth – nothing we fought at the Citadel or elsewhere was anything near that powerful."
"I'm not sure," Kaidan replied, "I didn't get a very good look, but it certainly wasn't like any ship I'd ever seen. It tore through our stealth grid and shields like they weren't even there."
"You weren't down in engineering to see the readings. One minute the stealth was working fine, the next the entire ship was on fire. It caught us completely off guard."
The emergency lights in the cargo hangar began to go off, and the tension and speed of the crew increased noticeably.
"We've got it! All hands on deck. Richardson, prepare the cargo door barriers for activation!"
"Donnelly, get the radial gravity beams active. I want to make sure this is it!"
"I'm sure of it sir, it matches the signatures. We've got the last escape pod within retraction distance!"
Liara's heart leapt at those words; they had found it! Shepard and Joker were surely aboard – there was no way one of them would leave the Normandy without the other. Her pulse began to climb. "They've found them. They've found them!"
The massive cargo door of the Perugia slowly swung open, a powerful mass effect field maintaining the pressurization of the compartment as the traction beams on the exterior of the hull worked to bring the escape pod towards the opening. The manoeuvre took some time, with a great deal of swearing from Engineer Donnelly at the controls, but he finally managed to bring the escape pod into view. The cylindrical pod was slowly positioned parallel to the cargo bay, and Donnelly and the other engineers carefully guided the pod through the barrier and onto the deck. The move was agonizingly slow, but after five minutes of careful positioning they managed to bring it inside the field. The engineers cheered in unison as they brought the pod down onto the floor, and they quickly began to retract the door into the vacuum of space.
"Richardson," the voice over the comms unit blared, "Get that pod open. Get Shepard out of there."
Richardson and the other engineers complied enthusiastically, quickly moving to finish the final series of atmospheric and pressure checks on the escape pod before activating its external unlocking mechanism. Liara, Chakwas, Adams, and Kaidan gathered expectantly a few feet from the door, while more survivors of the Normandy congregated along the edges of the cargo bay.
Liara could feel herself becoming excited and elated as the sets of blast doors slowly began to open. The first set was painfully slow, the second rapid. A rapid gush of air was let out as the escape pod depressurized; amidst the steam, a lone figure slowly drew himself out of the occupied seat and into the doorframe.
Joker.
Alone.
Liara blinked, not certain that she had seen right. The Normandy's helmsman shifted himself carefully over the threshold of the escape pod, in noticeable pain as his brittle legs touched the floor for the first time. The colour had drained from his face, and Liara could tell almost immediately that something was very, very wrong.
"Liara," was all he could manage before he collapsed to the floor, overcome by pain and emotion. "I'm so sorry."
"Joker," she asked apprehensively, dreading the answer, "where's Shepard?"
"He-, he'd just loaded me into the escape pod when another blast hit the ship. He got caught in the explosion and pulled away from the pod. The last thing I saw was him hitting the evacuation code on the master control panel on the bridge. The ship was destroyed a few seconds later." Liara's head began to shake rapidly as tears formed in her eyes; Joker hung his head before regarding her sorrowfully, "I'm sorry Liara, he didn't make it."
Liara's knees gave out as her vision dissolved in tears. She felt Kaidan's arms wrap around her as she fell to the ground, the tears freely flowing in front of the whole surviving crew of the Normandy. Chakwas fought back tears as well, while Adams simply stood in stunned silence, unable to say or express anything other than shock. Liara alone wept openly, her shoulders shuddering as she let her grief pour out around her. She wept for all that might have been, all that never would be. But above all else, she wept for Shepard, the man who had been her salvation and her redemption, who had rescued her from the mines of Therum, who had saved them all from the Reapers.
The man she had loved.
The man they had all lost.
Presidium – Citadel, Widow Nebula – two Galactic Standard Days later
Liara stared blankly out of the tinted windowpane of the skycar as it skimmed along the waterline of the Presidium. She was dressed in a simple silver dress that Shepard would have said made her eyes sparkle radiantly. She could hardly bear the thought now – not after what had happened. Instead, she was only half aware of the still-ruined skyline that blurred past her. Kaidan and Adams sat in silence as well, clad in their Alliance officers' uniforms and wearing the same morose and stoic expressions that they always wore. No one spoke to one another; they had no need to.
The past two days had been a blur for Liara, a hellish whirlwind of grief, disbelief, and loneliness. She had sobbed for hours as the Perugia returned to the Citadel. When they returned, there had been no respite from the isolation, as each of them had been taken – separately – through a forced debriefing by Alliance Command to try and establish what had happened in the Normandy's last moments. In the few minutes she had seen him, Admiral Hackett had expressed a similar bewilderment at the predicament as they had when waiting on the Perugia: the ship was supposed to be undetectable, equipped with the newest shields and armour the fleet could construct, yet it had been torn apart in a matter of minutes. The Admiral had sworn in front of her to see to it that her questions were answered.
The next part had been even harder – telling those who had not been on the Normandy what had happened. Garrus Vakarian had been waiting for them at the Citadel docks when the Perugia arrived, and had been distraught at the news of Shepard's death. Shepard had been a guiding mentor for him these past months, transforming him from a cynical and disgruntled C-SEC specialist to a decorated hero of the Battle of the Citadel. His newfound purpose, his potential induction into the candidacy for the Spectres – he owed all of it to Shepard, and he knew it. Those unable to be present were even more moved by the news of Shepard's death. Tali had been beside herself in the brief broadcast they had made into Quarian space, her outpouring of grief nearly as great as that of Liara. Even Wrex had been moved when he learned, sending his condolences from the wastes of Tuchanka. They found solidarity in their grief, even across thousands of light years of space.
Liara glanced over to Kaidan, who was focusing intently on the opposite window. "How many people do you suppose will be here?"
Kaidan shrugged, "probably not too many. Hackett indicated in the official communique that he wanted this to be a private affair – probably him, Anderson, us, Garrus, Chakwas, and a handful of others."
Liara pulled her silver shawl over her shoulders as the cold air caused her to shiver, "you'd think there would be more."
"It's been strange," Kaidan pondered aloud, "other than the official debriefings, the Alliance has been very quiet about Shepard's death – no investigation, very few press releases or official statements…nothing."
"The Alliance probably wants all the answers before they say anything – they're cautious, especially given the political environment around the new Council seat right now."
"We're here."
Kaidan motioned to both of them as the skycar slowed to a hovering stop and slowly parked on the surface of the Presidium. Kaidan thanked the Alliance driver as they exited, and Liara stepped out into the stunning sky-blue of the Presidium. The gradual dimming of the skylights had just begun, though true Citadel night was still far away. She looked out and saw the regal obsidian marker of the miniature Mass Relay in front of them, the hidden Conduit that had been Shepard's backdoor into the Citadel a month ago as he strove to defeat Saren. It had become the site of a makeshift memorial to Shepard, one which had seen its share of visitors in the past days. The glass panes that lined the walkways of the Presidium were covered in flowers, models, badges, medals, and the odd piece of Alliance armour or photograph. Daily at noon, a group of Alliance cadets had gathered in front of the relay to offer a silent vigil to humanity's fallen hero, their presence a hallmark of the high regard so many of the rank and file held Shepard in.
Those crowds were long gone at this late hour. As she walked towards the Relay, Liara saw Admiral Hackett, his face sombre and grave as he stared outwards at the Relay. Garrus stood beside him, silent with his head shaking as he stared intently at the floor. David Anderson was also here, his features a mask of grief for a soldier he had known for close to a decade. It had been Anderson who recognized his potential in Rio at the N7 Academy, Anderson who had stood with him throughout the internal investigations into the disaster at Akuze, and Anderson who had gifted him with the opportunity to serve as the XO of the Normandy mere days before the fateful voyage to Eden Prime. Two Alliance lieutenants were also there – envoys of Admiral Coryn. Several of the other survivors from the Normandy also gathered with them, though Liara was dismayed at every reminder of just how few had lived.
"Is this everyone?" Anderson glanced around at the assembled few, many of them choking back tears. "Right," he sighed, "let's not waste time – Shepard wouldn't want that."
Shepard's former commander reached into his uniform and withdrew a small wrapped item from his pocket. He gently placed it at the foot of one of the glass panes, shifting it so that it lay directly in front of the Mass Relay monument. Kneeling in front of it, Anderson pulled off the cloth to reveal a simple plaque of perfect obsidian – to match the black steel of the Mass Relay – with a handful of words enscripted on it.
In Memoriam
Commander John Cameron Shepard
N7, SPECTRE – ST, PS, GUC
23 April, 2154 – 26 June, 2183 (KIA)
Saviour of the Citadel
"It's good to see you all here," Anderson began, his voice choking up already, "in a few days, many of us will have moved on – for some of us, that begins in the next few hours. But I thought it appropriate for us to meet here to pay tribute to the great man that we lost two days ago."
"I first met Shepard when he was training at the N7 Academy, fresh out of officer's training. He was young, bright, and flush with tremendous potential. He was one of the finest soldiers I've ever trained – deadly with his biotics, and a gifted tactical mind. When Admiral Coryn and Nihlus Kryik approached me four months ago about considering human soldiers for Spectre Candidacy, Shepard was the first name to enter my head."
"Each of you standing here today left some mark on him, and he on you. It could be said that joining forces with Turians, Asari, Krogan, and Quarians was nothing more than a shrewd political move by an aspiring leader of humanity, but it was more than that." Anderson surveyed those present, his gaze falling for a few moments on Garrus and Liara, "he saw something in each of you – something that drew you to his cause, and him to yours. Each of our lives has been touched by Shepard in some way – we admired him, we respected him, perhaps we even loved him." Liara choked back tears as they began to flow freely again. "We all need to keep that with us in the coming months. Those that wanted Shepard gone from this world are still out there, and we will need those qualities he so exemplified – dedication, devotion, compassion for each other and no mercy for our enemies – if we are to build the galaxy he hoped to work for."
Anderson knelt to rest his hands at the edges of the plaque one more time, bowing his head in silent mourning as the dozen or so assembled joined him in his vigil. "John, we will miss you."
A long silence passed before the crowd began to disperse. Anderson was the first to go, bidding Liara, Garrus, and the others a quiet farewell before he caught an Alliance shuttle back to the Human Embassy.
"I'm so sorry for you Liara," Adams said as he and Chakwas made for the Citadel shuttles. "This isn't easy for any of us, but I don't want to even imagine what you're going through right now." Chakwas hugged Liara for a long time, each of them feeling the tears fall onto their shoulders as they embraced.
"We'll be here for you if you need us," Chakwas whispered as she broke off the embrace. Liara nodded silently as she and Adams departed.
"Dr. T'Soni, I'm sorry for your loss," Admiral Hackett was formal, but he had the air of someone who was genuinely concerned for Liara's state of mind, "if there is anything that the Alliance can provide for you, say the word."
"Thank you, Admiral. That's very generous of you."
"Shepard meant a lot to a great many people in the Alliance Navy. His contributions – and those of his crew – will not be easily forgotten."
Liara stood against the glass railings of the Presidium, staring out at the Mass Relay monument until only she, Garrus, and Kaidan remained. Other than Joker, who was still recovering from his injuries in the hospital, none had been more impacted by Shepard than them. A fellow Marine, Kaidan had learned impressively from Shepard's powerful biotic abilities, and had grown as a field commander under his guidance. Shepard had taken Garrus under his wing, turning him from a disgruntled C-SEC detective into a potential Spectre candidate. Even their mere presence together served as a buffer against the inevitable onset of grief and loss that would hit all of them once they left this place.
"Why were we the ones?" Kaidan finally asked after another long period of silence. "There must have been – what, fifty, maybe sixty Alliance people on board the Normandy when we were attacked." He shook his head and folded his arms against the railing, "barely twenty made it out." He regarded Garrus thoughtfully for a moment, "why us?"
"It's just chance," Garrus mused brokenly, "I should have been there."
"But then we might have lost you too," Liara countered, "I've lost enough friends in the last seventy hours without you, Wrex, or Tali dying as well."
"But still, I'll always wonder – would my presence have made a difference? Would Shepard have made it out?"
The three of them lapsed into silence again, none of them wanting to break the small community of mourning they had so serenely formed. Those who passed them by paid them thoughtful notice, yet said nothing to disturb them.
"Will you be at the reading tomorrow?" Liara asked Kaidan.
He shook his head, "I'm needed by Hackett – high-level Alliance business. Wish I could join you two." He glanced to his right, where an Alliance Kodiak shuttle was lowering itself to ground-level. "Speak of the devil. That's my shuttle. I'm really sorry Liara, but I have to go." They embraced one more time, and then Kaidan departed for the shuttle, flanked by two armoured guards.
"That's not standard Alliance," Garrus observed as the Kodiak took off and darted through the Presidium, "black-out windows, reinforced armoured doors, black paint – definitely N7. Whatever Kaidan's up to, it isn't standard."
"Do you want to join me at the reading?"
Garrus nodded, "spirits know this isn't easy for either of us. I could use the distraction from C-SEC and Spectre Training."
"I appreciate it." Liara looked down at the plaque, and felt tears return to her eyes unbidden. She clenched her fists and felt biotic energy course through her momentarily. "Dammit Garrus! Why did he have to die?" She slumped against the glass railing, curling herself into a ball at the foot of the glass, "This wasn't supposed to happen! We were supposed to drive the Reapers into Dark Space! We were supposed to win!" She felt tears return, and she wept openly as Garrus shifted to sit beside her, "we were supposed to be together, at least for longer than this."
"I know," Garrus said simply, "I don't have the answers, Liara, but-," he shifted awkwardly, "I'm here, if you need anything from me."
"That means more to me than you know."
Alliance Offices, Citadel Zakera Ward – one cycle later
Liara and Garrus sat nervously in the cramped alcove outside the Alliance official's office, waiting with a handful of Alliance NCOs – lawyers, analysts, financial officers, and other desk personnel within the military structure. The door swung open, and a tall, dark-skinned Alliance Staff Lieutenant bade them to enter.
"I will now be seeing those connected to the late Commander John C. Shepard, N7 and Special Tactics and Reconnaissance."
Liara and Garrus glanced at each other, and then filed in to join the assembled officers. The office was more spacious than the narrow antechamber would have suggested – a large conference table dominated the room, with nine spacious chairs spaced around its elliptical frame.
"My C-SEC office was maybe half the size of the alcove," Garrus muttered to Liara as they took their seats, "why does the Alliance get all the nice things?"
"Hey, you get perks when you save it," the alliance lawyer to his right whispered.
"If we are all here, then we can begin," the officer seated at the head of the table cut in. "Lieutenant Commander Hannah Shepard sends her regrets that she cannot be with us here today – the Kilimanjaro is on combat duty at a classified location." The assembled officers nodded, though Liara wasn't sure what the gesture was for. "Joining us here today are Colonel Antella – Alliance Internal Affairs, Staff Lieutenants Peterson and Russo – both from Alliance Procurements and Requisitions, Warrant Officer LeDain – Alliance Legal Affairs, and Operations Chief Ling – Special Representative of Vice Admiral Hackett." He glanced around the room again, his eyes falling to rest on Liara and Garrus. "We are joined by Dr. Liara T'Soni of Thessia and Agent First Class Garrus Vakarian of Palaven – formerly C-SEC Investigative Division and the Turian Hierarchy Blackwatch. Both served on the SSV Normandy during the Battle of the Citadel." The assembled Alliance officers seemed to note this with approval, with Garrus returning the nod. "With that concluded, let us get to the business at hand – the reading of the Will of Commander John Shepard."
Liara swallowed sharply to avoid having to choke back tears.
"At the time of his death, Shepard's assets totalled a prefab apartment on Intai'sei and 15,463,400 Cre-," the Alliance lawyer paused for a second, examining the holopad again, "I'm sorry, is that correct?" Garrus nodded, "that seems awfully high for an Alliance Commander – especially given that his promotion from Staff Lieutenant was rather…recent. Where on earth did he accumulate such sums?"
"Mostly in the Traverse," Garrus responded, "mercenary accounts were transferred by our programs, and we killed an awful lot of Geth."
"So it was, what, some sort of bounty system? I'm not aware of any such standard within the Alliance, and the Procurements and Requisitions staffers will back me up on that." Both Peterson and Russo nodded in agreement.
"That's the really weird part," Garrus quipped back, "whenever we killed Geth they were just sort of…there. Not really sure how else to describe it." His flanged jaw clicked with amusement as the assembled officer chuckled, "bottom line – we killed a lot of Geth."
"I see," the head officer noted skeptically, "well, regardless, Commander Shepard has split his assets, with the division last updated ten days ago." The officer cleared his throat, "I leave assets totalling seven million credits to Dr. Liara T'Soni, in addition to the dwelling on Intai'sei."
Liara could feel her heart beating in her chest – the thought that Shepard would leave so much to her overwhelmed her.
"To Agent Garrus Vakarian, I leave assets totalling three and a half million credits, on the condition that it be used to further his goal of leaving the lawless edges of the galaxy a better place than he found them." It was difficult to tell what Garrus's reaction was, but Liara detected a noticeable increase in his breathing. "Of the remainder, half is left to Lieutenant Commander Hannah Shepard, with the rest to establish an emergency fund for the family of casualties on board the SSV Cairo and – if applicable – the SSV Normandy, to be overseen by David Anderson." The officer paused again, "that's all there is."
The Alliance officers gradually filed out, a few of them taking time to lean in and talk to Garrus or Liara. They were mostly empty platitudes – expressions of regret or sorrow that flowed off Liara like dust in the wind. Garrus quietly exited the room, and she could hear the wide bay doors into the Alliance complex open and shut rapidly.
She found the Turian outside the entrance to the Alliance offices, leaning against the railing that overlooked a spectacular vista of the Zakera wards. The skyline was still dotted with the scars and burns of Sovereign's attack on the Citadel a month ago, and the air was dotted with a mix of skycars and repair vessels that scurried about the Citadel's massive arms. Liara joined Garrus at the railing as he looked out into the purple expanse of the Widow Nebula.
"It's strange, isn't it?" he asked simply, "to think that that's the entire legacy of Commander John Shepard. The man who saved the Citadel – saved us all from the Reapers. Reduced to a few million credits and a house in the middle of an Argos Rho desert."
"It's too much to bear," she said simply. She turned to look up at him, "why us Garrus? He could have left that to anyone, but he chose us; why?"
"You're the obvious one," Garrus replied, "he cared about you – loved you, even. He would want to make sure that you never wanted for anything. But me," Garrus paused for a moment, shaking his head as he lowered it into his hands, "I'm not sure what he meant for me to do, or what he thought I might do with it."
"You've always wanted to save the galaxy. Won't this help?"
Garrus scoffed at her. "Can't see how it will, other than buying new weapons."
"But you're about to be a Spectre – that's got to count for something."
"I wish it did," Garrus sighed, "it just doesn't seem as bright and brilliant as it once did. In spite of my father – or maybe because of him – I always wanted to be a Spectre. That only increased once I joined Shepard's team. I saw him lead us all, inspire us all, and I thought 'damn, that could be me someday.' But now," he shook his head again, "now it's all just come apart in my head."
"What do you mean?"
"The universe is a lot darker with Shepard gone."
Liara nodded, desperately trying to hold back the tears again. "When my mother died, it hurt for a while, but the pain eventually died. We were already dead to each other – we had been for many years. But this…I know the Asari are supposed to value the time we have with those we care about, but how do you get over this?"
"There's an old Turian saying," Garrus responded, tilting his head as he looked out the bay windows at a set of repairs going on further down the Zakera Ward. "The pain only lasts until the next battle. The wounds are raw, but that's only because we have time to feel them."
Somehow, the notion didn't comfort Liara.
Next - Chapter 3: Questions
