Author's Notes:
Thank you all for the birthday wishes! I had a great week.
Enjoy!
I gazed at her, at first with that gaze which is not merely the messenger of the eyes, but at whose window all the senses assemble and lean out, petrified and anxious, a gaze eager to reach, touch, capture, bear off in triumph the body at which it is aimed, and the soul with the body...
Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time (trans. C. K. Scott Moncrieff)
Our Affair
7. Christmas Love
"…I love you, so choose me. I don't want anyone else but you. So, love me. Choose me, Orihime."
Orihime
Life was enjoyable. Life was good.
Love was a part of life.
Love was complicated.
Ichigo held me pouring out his undying love for me.
I could only embrace the warmness of his body holding mine.
He was telling me his truth and all I could do was think how warm his body felt against my own.
"Choose me, Orihime."
His words echoed in my ears and bounced around in my heart. I should answer him. My lack of response to his heartfelt truth would hurt.
Swallowing the dryness of my throat, I found a steady breathing pattern. I blinked several times taking in my surroundings. The picture of my late brother staring directly at me. Urging for me to answer Ichigo. Tell him my truth.
Even though my truth will hurt him, tell him.
Say it.
Looking down at Ichigo with his arms still wrapped around my waist, I reached for his wrists to pry them off me.
He looked up at me. Hurt etched into his features, already preparing for the rejection.
I quickly shook my head trying to ease him, but it only did the opposite.
A sharp inhale of his breath proved my suspicions.
"No."
Shit.
Another wrong thing to do.
Ichigo dropped his arms to his sides and averted his eyes down to the living room floor.
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to focus on my next move. Ease his mind.
I dropped to my knees, cradling his face to look back at me.
"I didn't mean no in answering your question." The hope returned to his brown eyes. I smiled, but it quickly faded when I couldn't find the words that lingered at the tip of my tongue.
Instead, I brushed his orange hair. Tangling my fingers in the strands sending a breeze of his sandalwood scent toward me. He tilted his head into my touch as he closed his eyes. I licked my lips to prepare for my subsequent flow of words.
"Ichigo…" His eyes snapped open, and he gazed at my face. The intensity of his pupils burning for answers. I pushed on. "I… I love you too."
He smiled, leaning closer to me ready to kiss me. To seal the deal of our love. But I pulled back before we could connect. Confusion was replaced by my denial of reciprocating his endearment.
"I love you Ichigo… I do. I have since high school. A simple crush that had deepened with time. The first time we kissed when we were at Mizuiro's party. To our first time. Our talks when you went away. Everything. We didn't have much time to build up our relationship despite all of what…" I swallowed the disgust, dropping my hands from his hair. "… Ayako put you through. My heart even now, still beats for you too." His eyes searched my face for what more I could say.
"But?" He asked.
He knew what I knew. It was just a matter of putting it into words.
The words I failed to say once before being given the opportunity—the chance to say them to the person who should be the first to know.
"I love you Ichigo… but I'm in love with Ulquiorra… too."
There it was.
In the open.
Ichigo's whole demeanor changed. Not only was he hurt but defeated.
"You love me… but you're in love with him." He stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. "So, you choose him?"
"No." I stood up too. Steadying my balance, I continued. "I'm selfish. More than anything I am greedy. Choosing who I should love and be with isn't fair."
"Huh?" Ichigo looked at me confused.
I took hold of his wrist. His eyes went down to our connection then back to my face.
"I want both of you. Love both of you."
"Orihime, do you not hear yourself? You can't love two people."
"Why not?" I genuinely asked. "Why can't I love two people? Is there a rule stating otherwise, because if there is, tell me. I need to know. Why can't I have two people in my heart? To want you and Ulquiorra? Love both you and Ulquiorra."
Ichigo was stunned at my words. He looked away from my pleading.
"Please tell me how to stop," I begged squeezing his wrist. "I love you because you hurt me." He faced me again, intently listening. "You showed me romantic pain. What it feels like to be betrayed. What it feels like to have the person you love establish pain so broken they rather endure it in silence. When you told me the real reason you were with her, I raged with anger ready to defend you in any which way possible. Imagining how someone like her could hurt someone like you the way she had. You said to her she was forgiven. But I won't forgive her. I just can't. She took you away from me."
I felt the tears burning behind my eyes ready to fall from the tear ducts. "And the way she threw herself at you when we went clubbing for your birthday…" I scoffed. "Disgusting." He gave a small smile at my vocabulary, but I carried on with my rant. "I was no longer myself when I thought of you. I was consuming myself with this anger and bitterness… choosing to forget you. To move on with someone else. I shut myself down. My heart loving you so much, I had to tell myself it was unhealthy."
"Unhealthy?"
"Yes. My obsession. Wanting you. Craving you. It was unhealthy and it was consuming me."
Ichigo cast his eyes to the side towards my window. My confession was scaring him, but I had to keep going.
"It was a sweet love with Ulquiorra. With a hint of pain. One I never thought I would enjoy." A small smile graced my face. Ichigo had seen it when he glanced back at me. "Ulquiorra picked up the pieces of my broken heart and pieced them back together through pleasure. I embraced his words and knowledge. The pleasure in pain and the many things along with it."
"Orihime… I don't want to hear ab-"
"I know but you need to understand why." I pleaded, cutting him off. "Then you came back and told me you still wanted me." My teeth sank into my bottom lip. His eyes stared at the small motion. Letting my lip go, I continued. "You both brought out things in me and I liked it. Finding out things about myself I never thought I liked." I gazed up at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't want to let any of it go. I need both of you. Loving you two… so I can't choose."
Ichigo closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Using his other hand, he swiped it across his face. Settling his anguish aside, he reached out and brushed my bangs away from my face. His thumb then swept away an unshed tear.
"Does he know?"
I shook my head. "I was going to tell him the day he was leaving but was interrupted."
"Nice to know I had the opportunity to do that." He smirked.
.
..
…
Ichigo stayed the night before heading out early in the morning. We didn't have sex. We sat on my couch and just talked. Going further in-depth about our new relationship and what holds for our future.
He kissed my forehead when we stood in my foyer.
"It irks me to know you have another guy in your heart, but I knew what I was signing up for when I came back." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "How about we go out tomorrow evening? The bakery is closed right?"
I nodded, trying to hide a small yawn. "It's Christmas tomorrow."
"So?" He shrugged.
My tired eyes widen. "Isn't that day reserved for couples?" I whispered shyly.
"Okay…? Is that a no?"
I quickly waved my hands in front of me. "No! I would love to go out tomorrow."
Ichigo smirked. "Nice. I'll pick you up at 5." He kissed my forehead again before turning to leave. "Later."
I waved goodbye to him from my open door, with thoughts on what to wear tomorrow.
Locking the door after no longer seeing his figure, I snatched my phone from the table. Not feeling tired anymore, I immediately called Tatsuki to give her updates on my love life.
.
..
…
Ichigo
Late December
I slid on my brown trench coat over my grey cashmere sweater. Yuzu smiled as she handed me the small, wrapped gift.
"Ichi-nii are you sure this will be enough for Inoue-san?" She looked at the box slowly handing it over to him.
"The present yes," I made sure the bow on the box was still secure. "… but I have more planned for the evening."
"Maybe…" she glanced back down at the box. "How about some of the cookies I baked?" Yuzu turned around making her way back into the house. "Hold on I'll wrap up a few. Don't leave!" She called back.
I rolled my eyes. Yuzu always did this. Sliding on my shoes and wrapping a scarf around my neck, I patiently waited for her.
She emerged after a few seconds with a proud smile on her face. Karin was right behind her chewing on a cookie. "Let me know what she thinks after trying it." Yuzu gave me a wrapped box. "And tell her I said Merry Christmas."
"How about you just bring her by tomorrow for dinner?" Karin asked after a bite. She handed me a bag to put the two boxes in.
Yuzu nodded in agreement. "You know I always cook too much. Please ask her."
I groaned securing the boxes in the bag. "Come on guys. She might have plans."
"That's why you should ask," Karin mumbled finishing off her cookie.
"Fine."
Yuzu beamed with excitement. "Great. Have fun!" She turned around and grabbed Karin by the arm. "Come on Karin let's figure out what Inoue-san might like for dinner. Also, how big the cake should be…" I heard her voice trailing off.
.
..
…
I stood downstairs of her apartment complex.
The plans were simple today, but it was enough to hopefully ease her mind. Ulquiorra had her all to himself when I was away for college. Before he comes back in a week, I plan to further imprint myself into her heart.
Walking up the stairs and reaching her floor, I squeezed the bag handle with my gift inside. Hopefully, she will like the gift and will not be overwhelmed by it.
Knocking on her door, I patiently waited for her to answer.
There was a loud thud followed by a groan. I snickered. She must have tripped over something.
On cue, she opened the door holding onto her stocking cover toe.
"Sorry, I tripped over my boots." Orihime looked up at me giving me a grimaced smile. Standing up straight, she opened the door wider. "Come in. I'm almost ready."
"Sure." She moved aside for me before locking the door. My eyes roamed her appearance. Donned in a burgundy sweater dress that stopped right at her knees, and skin-tone stockings. Her hair was in smooth waves held together by a tie near the ends.
"Give me a few minutes. Make yourself at home." She rushed past me to her room. The scent of coconut and a hint of something sweet filled the air following her. Perhaps jasmine?
I reached for the bag after taking off my shoes. I decided to keep my coat on just in case she was rushing to leave. I placed each box on her kitchen table before taking a seat.
She came out of her room smiling at me after about 10 minutes. Her once pretty bare face was now elevated with a simple amount of makeup. Her eyelids were with iridescent glimmer eyeshadow, fair blush on her cheeks, and a tint of pink gloss on her lips. In her arms, she carried her white fur coat and a burgundy cross-body bag.
Beautiful.
She was vibrantly stunning. I couldn't take my eyes off her.
Noticing my staring, Orihime joined me at the table. "What's that?" she pointed to the two boxes between us, breaking my ogling.
I smiled at her cute curiosity.
"They're for you." I pushed the first box towards her. Her eyes lit up.
"Really?" Holding the first small box, she touched the cloth wrapped around it. "What is it?"
Leaning forward, I looked from the box back up to her. "Open it," I whispered.
She smiled at me. Unwrapping the cloth, she inhaled the sweet aroma. "Cookies?" Opening the container, she eyed the nicely decorated cookies. "Did you bake these with Yuzu-chan?"
I chuckled. "No. She made those all herself. Try one and tell me what you think."
Orihime giggled. "Okay." Taking one out, she brought it to her glossed lips. I watched her immensely as her lips parted to bite into the sweet treat. A moan followed after a few chews. "Wow. Yuzu-chan is amazing." I watched the pink muscle of her tongue sweep across her top lip catching any remaining crumbs.
A simple act had my dick rising for attention. I broke my hungry gaze from her lips and settled them on the next box. Sliding it towards her, I cleared my throat.
"Open this too."
Finishing off the remaining cookie in her hand, Orihime reached for the other box. "Is this from Yuzu-chan too?" She picked it up and shook it. "Or Karin-chan?"
"No, that's from me." She quickly stopped shaking the box.
"I'm sorry." She placed it back down. "Are these the cookies you baked? Am I to compare, because as much as I love you… Yuzu-chan is gifted." She shrugged softly pulling on the nicely presented bow.
"It's not cookies Orihime," I corrected.
"Sorry," she mumbled. Her hands gently removed the tied bow and unraveled the wrapping paper. A white box was left. Glancing up at me, I nodded for her to continue. Smiling, she pried the box open. A small gasp escaped her mouth. "Oh my. Did you make all of these? How did you find the time?"
She pulled out a jar full of origami lucky stars in a variety of different colors. Her hand turned the jar at different angles admiring the craft.
"This is beautiful. Thank you." Her hazel eyes glistened with tears. "Wow." She fixed her glossy eyes on me. "Thank you, Ichigo."
I stood up and kneeled before her. Taking hold of one of her hands, I kissed each knuckle before flipping it over and kissing the palm of her hand. I looked up at her.
"Whenever in doubt, lonely, or just in need of some joy, open the jar, unfold the star, and read the words inside."
She took a sharp breath. "Wha… what does it say?" She glanced at the jar and then back at me. "Ichigo… how? When?"
I kissed her palm again before standing up. "When in doubt, read one." She stood up in front of me. Looking up, her other hand caressed my face.
"I would never doubt you again."
"Then, whenever you feel lonely read one." I wrapped my free hand around her waist and pulled her closer to my chest. "Or to feel joy…
"Read one." We said in unison. I smiled before leaning down to capture her lips.
.
..
…
We were among a large crowd of people. Couples, families, and individuals roamed the busy street. Hand in hand we walked towards the huge gathering, but I wanted to find a better spot to look at the upcoming event.
Orihime followed without complaint. Spotting the little cart I needed, I knew we were close.
"Quick stop," I said glancing down at her. Her cheeks were red from the cold breeze. "It's not an ideal weather for our date, but once you see what I have planned it will no longer bother you."
"I'm fine." Her eyes landed on our interlaced fingers. I smirked, putting her hand into my pocket. Her face couldn't get any redder… surely, I was wrong. "Ichigo!"
"Come on." I pulled her along to the cart.
The owner smiled at us. "Two large cups?"
"One with extra." I turned to Orihime. Her eyes glowed with excitement.
"Hot chocolate!"
"A nice winter drink." She nodded watching the owner pour two cups. He reached for the basket full of fluffy cubes. In one cup he put three cubes. In the next cup, he put six. Orihime squealed with anticipation. The owner smiled. He added an extra cube to the cup. The milky brown liquid overflowing from large amounts of marshmallows.
Grabbing a few napkins, he cleaned the cup. With it fully cleaned and no longer overflowing, he inserted it into a hot cup sleeve. He handed the cup to Orihime, who gleefully took it after I let her hand go from inside my pocket. I pulled out my wallet and paid for the drinks. He handed me my own cup.
"You two have a Merry Christmas."
"Thanks," I smiled back.
Orihime beamed happily. "You too and thank you!"
I looked at my watch. We were cutting it close, but we have to keep moving before the event started. Taking her free hand, I intertwined our fingers again.
"One more stop before we can settle in."
"Okay."
We walked a few more minutes until we were in front of a large area. Many others stood around, but it was spacious, so no one was on top of each other. I glanced down at Orihime. Her eyes scanned everyone, wondering why we stopped walking.
I looked at my watch. It was about to start.
Pulling her in front of me with her back against my front, I wrapped my arms around her waist, carefully not to spill my hot chocolate on her white coat. Nestling my chin in between her shoulder and neck, I brought my lips to her ears. She stiffened at the closeness in public. How was she shy now when she kissed me in public when I first returned from college?
"Keep your eyes open and look straight ahead."
Orihime shivered at my warm breath hitting her ears.
The crowd started counting enthusiastically.
"10!"
"What's happening?" she asked looking around.
"What did I say about looking straight ahead?" I reprimanded her.
"7!"
"Sorry," she whispered back.
I kissed her cheek, settling my own eyes ahead.
"4!"
"3!"
"2!"
"1!"
"Merry Christmas!"
There in the middle of the spacious area stood a large tree. From the bottom bright luminous lights flickered on. Each level goes up illuminating the surrounding area. The crowd was in awe with delight at the large tree. Bells rang and music started playing, causing the crowd to join in.
The bright Christmas lights reached the middle when Orihime shrieked in amazement. After the tree was fully lit, the rest of the area brightened with its own flickering Christmas lights. The crowd snapped pictures and videos of the event while still singing.
Kids pointed at the tree showing it to their smiling parents. Couples kissed at the phenomenon. Two men on opposite sides of the large area got down on their knees to propose to their respective girlfriends. Those near them clapped and cheered at the teary replies of 'Yes!'.
A night to remember for those all around. Unwrapping my arms from around her waist, I brought my now warm hot chocolate to my lips to sip what remained.
Orihime turned around when I let her go. Her eyes glossed with a new set of tears.
I removed the cup from my lips and swallowed what I had in my mouth. "What's wrong? Did you not like it?" I ran my fingers through my hair confused about what I had done.
"Why?" her voice broke as the tears fell from her eyes onto her coat. "Why would you do something like this to me?"
"Huh?" I was even more confused.
"All of this." She sprawled her arm out before quickly dropping it to her side. Her other hand clenched her cup. "The cookies. A jar full of stars. The hot chocolate and now this?" Her hand wiped her tears, but a sob escaped her lips. People moving past us eyed our exchange.
"Did he seriously break up with her on Christmas?"
"What an asshole."
"Jerk."
Not liking the crowd we were drawing, I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the direction that was supposed to lead us to our next part of the date.
Before I could ask her about the sudden outburst of emotion, Orihime wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me tightly. Her face was buried in my coat inhaling and exhaling through her cries.
"How could you make me fall more in love with you in one night?"
I smiled relieved at what her tears really meant. My arms encircled her body, bringing her closer to me inhaling her sweet coconut jasmine scent. "That was never my intention," I lied. "…but I won't deny it either."
A hearty laugh escaped her muffled lips. She snuggled closer into my chest. "It was romantic and nostalgic seeing the lighting of the Christmas tree." She glanced up at me. "Thank you for bringing me here."
"No problem. But the night's not over."
Her eyes widen. "There's more?"
I winked at her. "It's Christmas so yes."
She stood on her tiptoes and planted a quick kiss on my lips. "Show me."
.
..
…
I took Orihime ice skating. The bright lights of all the Christmas lights, the music blasting from the speakers, and the laughter of those around us could not compare to the consuming smile radiating off her face. The blissful joy she had as we skated around the rink.
Her laugh as I would stumble and try to catch my balance. Even though I was making a complete fool of myself, I still enjoyed every minute of our time together.
Orihime planted small kisses on me and held my hand on the train ride back to her apartment. We talked about more fun adventures for the two of us to enjoy after the new year and to invite my sisters the next time -as a thank you for the cookies. I brought up Yuzu and Karin's invitation to tomorrow night's dinner. She greatly accepted the request.
Standing in front of her apartment door, she held her arms around my waist not letting go. Every few seconds standing on her tiptoes to place a small kiss on each of my cheeks and then my lips. I smiled at her gesture, kissing her back in response.
"I know you don't want to let me go, but I'll be back tomorrow to bring you to my house for dinner."
"But I don't want you to leave yet," Orihime whined.
"Don't ask for something you know you can't handle."
"Is that a challenge Ichigo-sama?" she purred provocatively.
I narrowed my eyes at her seductive proposal. Pinning her back to the front door, I gazed into her eyes.
"Open the door."
To Be Continued…
Author's Notes:
An easy short romance chapter between Ichigo and Orihime.
A steamy chapter next week.
Thoughts?
Until next time!
Songs
US – Moon Jong Up
LOVE? – PENOMECO, ELO, GRAY
Keep Me In Love – Alina Baraz
Still Falling For You – Ellie Goulding
Unbreakable – Crystal: Carole & Tuesday (Vo. Lauren Dyson)
