Wow, so… longest wait between chapters yet, right? Yeah. I wish I had some sort of excuse (besides work and making payments on a car for the first time) but for a while there I just wasn't in The Hobbit mood, you know? Gotta take breaks from even the best of things. But anyway, I'm back! Can't stay away from this fandom for long. It's too good. :D

Also, I'm going to be adding my tumblr to my profile, since that's the website I use most outside of this one.

Also ALSO, the dearest Durinsdottir made a collage for TLS! Isn't that the coolest?! It's the coolest. She's amazingggg. I'll throw that link into my profile as well. (You should totally check out her Hobbit fic here on ff when you get a chance!)

To Julie: Haha I could actually use all the inspiration I can get, but thank you for having so much faith in me! And don't be too concerned. I'm alive and well, as you can see. LoL

Anyway, you guys have waited long enough. :)

*EDIT* I was in too much of a hurry and forgot like, one sentence that needed to be in here for continuity sake, but we good now. lol


The Loudest Silence

Chapter Nineteen


Rivendell would have been great, were it not for the downward spiral back into depression.

In hindsight, I should have seen it coming. Zapping to Middle Earth didn't magically change who I was or what kind of chemical imbalance I had in my brain, and having a dude get mangled right above me, on top of being kidnapped, was just too much. We hadn't even crossed the Misty Mountains and I was throwing in the towel, calling it quits.

After my breakdown in the cave, I couldn't sit there and listen to Thorin and Gandalf argue about the Valley of Imladris. I had just spent the entire run for our lives telling myself to wait for Rivendell, so like hell if I was going to prolong it any more. Thorin called to me as I walked to the tunnel, of course, a warning to stop, because he did not want anything to do with Elves, but I couldn't even look him in the eyes for more than two seconds before I realized he was going to die. I mean, like, actually die.

Yavanna was an idiot for choosing me, because I wouldn't be able to do shit for these guys.

That's what I told myself after my freak out, anyway, and that's what I told myself as we descended into the Valley, as Fili and Kili asked how I was doing and I shook my head. They were hurt and a bit confused at my refusal to interact, so I shot them an apologetic look before we stepped up to the small stone bridge. It wasn't just an apology for my cold shoulder, but they didn't know that.

Lord Elrond was already there in the entry courtyard, due to our delay in the tunnel, at least sparing us from the drama of getting encircled by the worst welcome committee ever. Some still mounted on horses, the Elves were a little on edge, but not so much upon seeing the way Elrond greeted Gandalf with their word for 'friend' (one of the few Sindarin words I could actually recognize in conversation). Our Company was obviously not here to cause any trouble.

I was still looking a hot mess regardless, and earned a few odd stares from the locals before Elrond saw fit to inquire about my paint job. Not in so many words, exactly, though after the brief interaction between Thorin and Lord Elrond, which led to the offer of dinner for the Company, the issue of my appearance came forth.

"Might I ask what happened to the Lady…?" Elrond paused, waiting for someone to speak up.

"Hollander. Jenna Hollander," Gandalf answered, meeting my tired gaze briefly, before turning back to our host. "An unfortunate run-in with Wargs, I'm afraid. Scouts for the Orc pack you came across, no doubt, though she was separated from us by a pair of scoundrels from Bree at the time. A kidnapping, you see."

Elrond's brows furrowed slightly as he looked to me. "I am sorry to hear of such an incident, so close to our Valley, no less. Though I do wish to know more, I am sure this tale can be told over dinner. A bath and a bit of rest would not be out of order, I assume?"

I shook my head a little, probably looking like a zombie. Good first impression, I tell you what.

Lord Elrond seemed to get that I wasn't in any state to "converse", and looked over to two Elf maidens waiting nearby. He gave a nod as some kind of unspoken signal, and they stepped over to us gracefully and carefully, understanding my less-than-ideal mental position.

"This is the Lady Lieren," Elrond said, and the tallest of the two, with light brown hair, dipped her chin a bit, "And this, the Lady Nadri." The second Elf dipped her head as well. She had darker hair, closer to the shade of the norm here, and looked familiar for some reason I couldn't place. My autopilot mode didn't allow for recognition, so I brushed it off.

Elrond continued, "If you would allow, they will show you to a room you may use."

There was a weird tension from the Company at that, but I was too afraid of meeting three specific Dwarven gazes to really look around and figure out why. During this, Bombur came up beside us, my backpack in hand. Honestly I had forgotten all about the damn thing, and I forced a smile that was lackluster in every sense of the word, as a pitiful thank you. It was all I had.

I kept my eyes lowered as Lieren and Nadri led me up the stone steps and around some pillars, out of the Company's sight. There had been a small hope in my chest that I would relax once I wasn't around any Durins, but of course, my body wasn't having any of that.

We wound our way up through the airy halls and the beautiful architecture, with me trying to force myself to enjoy it. The sights were amazing, with paths looking out over gardens and all kinds of courtyards and walkways, but I just found myself thinking of the same depressing thoughts, over and over.

The two Elf women finally reached the door and led me inside. The room looked about like I had expected, and while there weren't any free pillow mints, it was definitely a step up from the Prancing Pony. For one, it smelled better, and two, the furniture looked like it would cost me a kidney if I broke anything. One wall of the room was mostly open, with decorative wooden vines snaking their way around the giant glassless window, and it made me uncomfortable for a moment until I realized there was no way for anyone to see inside with the way the building was positioned.

The bed in the center was mostly simple other than the headboard, which was as intricate as everything else, and it matched the two small tables on either side, as well as the longer, slim table against the opposite wall. There wasn't any chest of drawers or wardrobe or anything, which cemented the look of 'guest room'. The other decorative window, positioned above the bed, let in enough natural light to keep it lively though, and that light bounced off a well-placed mirror above the table against the wall. They really knew how to make the most of a space, for sure.

"I shall find you a change a clothes while you bathe," spoke the Lady Lieren for the first time, glancing at my ruined sweatpants, then looking to her companion. "Nadri will show you the way."

Though all the Elves looked eternally youthful, Nadri seemed young on her own, and not simply because of immortality. She gave a slight nod, meeting my gaze for a second to make sure I was going to follow and made her way out. I set my backpack down on the long table uncertainly after taking my whistle from my hoodie pocket and putting it in for safe keeping, and shuffled after Nadri.

The small bath wasn't that far away at all, only a few windows and a left turn between it and my temporary room. While the walls of the bathroom were only comprised of a swirling stone lattice pattern, it was so overgrown with climbing plants that nobody would be able to see through anyway. The room itself was maybe half the size of the bedroom, with the in-ground tub taking up half of that, and a small nook off to the right that I could only guess held the toilet.

"The towels," said Nadri, gesturing to a neatly folded pile of cloth on a waist high shelf (well, waist height for her, almost boob height for me), then moving her dainty hand slightly to motion towards a shelf on the other side of the room. "The soaps."

I looked at the bars of whatever-the-fuck-they-make-their-soap-out-of and wondered briefly if they had any lavender in that pile. Mine was almost gone.

"Should you require assistance, I will be just down the hall," Nadri said with a departing bow of her chin, stepping out of the room and closing a velvety curtain behind her. I supposed these guys had never had problems with peeping Toms or anything, considering how lax their doors and walls were… Either way, it wasn't like I could afford to be nitpicky.

There were birds chirping just on the other side of the not-quite-walls, and the light of the lowering sun filtered through the plants and latticework, giving the room a pleasant, green and golden glow. I worried for a second that if I stayed in here too long, the sun would go down and leave me without light, but then I noticed two lit sconces above each toiletry shelf. Did they light that on the way here or what? I really hadn't been paying attention, so it was very possible.

Before I could bathe, I went to take care of my business in the weird toilet nook, realizing with a numb sort of aggravation that I was still – in fact – on my period. My escapades over the course of the night had left me no time to change anything, so of course there had been… uhh… problems with containment. By some truly demented, upside-down coincidence, there was already so much blood splattered on my pants that nobody was able to tell anything had gone awry with my lady times.

What kind of morbid luck was that?

I really tried not to think on it too much. Once I slipped out of my boots and peeled off the blood encrusted clothing, I realized the air temperature was just right, despite the whole room basically being outdoors. I chalked it up to Rivendell's inexplicable magic, hoping the same could be said for the water temperature. Washing in chilly creeks gets real old, real fast.

There was nothing to worry about though, I knew, as I approached the tub and felt the warmth radiate upwards. I had grabbed a washcloth and a bar of the strange soap – unfortunately not lavender, but instead a very odd blend of rosemary and something else I couldn't place – and dipped a toe in the water. There was a small step inside the tub, and eventually I slid all the way in, basically melting as the cozy heat soaked into my tired body.

I flinched as my arm stung, and I remembered belatedly that my wound had opened again. That dumbass, tying my arms behind my back like that…

For a few blissful minutes I had forgotten, or at least ignored, what had happened. As I blinked around at the water, watching it tinge pink with Gavin's blood, I suddenly didn't want to be in this tub any longer than I had to. It was a shame, really, since it was the first warm bath I'd had in a month, but it just wasn't sanitary. Even in death, that bastard had to ruin everything.

I wound up getting back out of the tub, sitting on the edge and using the washcloth to deal with the worst of the mess. My cut, once the wet bandages were peeled off, was revealed to be bleeding again. Not nearly as bad as that initial gash, but enough to tell me the healing had taken a step backwards. I simply bit my lip in frustration, ignoring the slowly oozing blood for the moment as I washed the rest of myself. There were a few bruises on my arms where the Men had grabbed, I noted with irritation, and it felt like there were some small ones along the crook of my neck, though I would have to wait to look in the mirror to know for sure if they were noticeable. Judging by the tenderness of my face and how much it hurt to make most expressions, there was surely something visible on my cheek by now, too.

When it came time to clean my hair, I just kind of laid on my back next to the tub with my head over the edge. It wasn't comfortable, and I almost slid back in head first, but I was not, under any circumstances, catching some disease from that creep.

During all of this, my brain felt like it had gotten anesthesia from a dentist, and that numbness was trying to wear off as I casually thought about some guy's lifeblood as if it were no big deal. I didn't want my brain to work again honestly, because I knew that would mean yet another breakdown, but what did I expect? To walk away from this completely unfazed? To get through this with the composure of an experienced warrior like Thorin? Uh, yeah right.

I was still lying on the ground next to the tub as I stared at the curved ceiling, my throat feeling thick with tears again. I wasn't a fighter. I wasn't used to this.

Being on my back was a mistake, as I was only reminded of the Warg, hovering over me. Fangs, dripping blood… yellow eyes… I jolted upright, getting a slight headache from sitting up too fast. This was… not okay. I was not okay.

"Lady Hollander?"

Already tense, I started at the voice. When I realized it was nothing to worry about, I sighed and made to stand, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself before the curtain was pulled back by Nadri.

"Dinner will soon be ready," she told me, a small crease appearing between her brows as she added, "And we have found a few dresses that may be suitable for your… figure."

I frowned slightly at the pause.

Nadri picked up on this, returning her face to a softer, neutral expression. "I do not mean offense, my lady. Your shape is simply different to ours, and finding an appropriate dress took longer than we had expected."

My frown loosened a bit, knowing she was just being honest. It wasn't her fault that Elves apparently didn't have reason to invent plus sizes, so I went to go pick up my clothes and bring them with me.

"If you will leave those, we shall have them cleaned and returned to you," Nadri interrupted before I could grab them. I hesitated, really wanting my bra and panties at least, but knew that the blood would bother me if I didn't have them washed. Here's to hoping Elven magic included getting horrible stains out of sweatpants?

As I turned, Nadri's sharp brown eyes locked onto my tattoo with interest. I paused, trying to casually shift my body again to put the map out of her sight, though I wasn't sure why exactly I didn't want her to see it.

When the tattoo was no longer visible, she blinked and met my eyes for a moment before turning on her heels, letting go of the curtain with a short, "Come."

Leaving the clothes as instructed, we came back to the original room to find the Lady Lieren standing beside the bed. There were three dresses laid across the bedspread, two of them laughably incorrect for my body type, and the third barely doable. They really expected me to fit my XL ass into that?

The two Elves seemed to sense my doubt, and while Nadri glided over to gather some weird undergarments for me from the table – I guessed they were brought in with the dresses – Lieren came to inspect my injured arm. Of course, she stilled upon recognizing that my tattoo was more than just a tattoo, her intrigue just as plain as Nadri's had been. She said nothing, however, wandering off and coming back with a small collection of items, some of which included feminine products. I wanted to ask how they knew, but I also didn't want to know how they knew, so it was probably for the best that I couldn't talk and make a fool of myself.

Freshly bathed, with clean undergarments on, period protection in place, and a new bandage around my arm, I almost felt human again, if a little uncomfortable with the foreign bra setup. Despite my breasts being relatively small, we still had problems getting them to settle just right with the corset, but I was not waltzing out there without some kind of support or coverage. My ladies did not want to say hello to every Dwarf and Elf within a mile, so with some determined lace maneuvering on Nadri's part, it was eventually adjusted correctly.

We had ruled out the first two dresses as much too small. One was a pretty maroon thing I really wished I could have worn and the other one a deep green that would have matched my eyes perfectly, so I was pretty salty about my… er, curvaceous figure by the time we reached the third one.

The color was nice enough – a light blue that reminded me of the sky – but it was still obviously made for a more slender woman. The only reason it fit was because the long sleeves were loose and flowy, and the waist flared out further upwards than the others, giving an almost, but not quite, empire cut. It had a neckline that was almost straight across though, causing the sleeves to rest off the shoulder, leaving my tattoo exposed. I suspected the other Elves would have similar reactions to that of Nadri and Lieren, and so tried my best to keep the sleeves up, not wanting to be stared at any more than necessary. The two ladies insisted that's how the dress was meant to settle, but I stubbornly kept pulling the shoulders up. After it became clear I wouldn't stop fidgeting with them, no more was said of the matter.

Nadri excused herself about then, leaving Lieren to figure out which pair of slippers I could actually wear. Once again, it was a hit or miss, with several misses that left me agitated and kind of wishing I could just go to bed and forego dinner altogether.

Sleep wasn't in the cards just yet though, and finally we found a pair of the silky shoes that worked.

I glanced over to the mirror for the first time, so I could fix my hair, cringing a bit when I saw how gigantic the bruise on my face was. Holy shit, no wonder it was so sore! At least the tiny bruises on my neck were pretty faint… Hopefully the dismal zone of reds and purples on my cheek would be enough distraction from the mess atop my head, since I couldn't seem to get my hair to lay down just right without any modern products, and it had grown slightly fluffy since the start of all this, making it ten times worse.

Lieren glanced at my hair as well, deeming it a lost cause without actually saying so, just as I had. Instead, she walked towards the door and said, "Follow please, and I will show you to where your companions are dining."

So, I followed.

Meeting back up with the Company was simultaneously a relief and a curse. On one hand, walking up and seeing all their faces safe and sound was great, but on the other hand, I had already told myself I was done with this quest, so I had this little guilt monster eating away at me. Coming around the corner, with Lieren veering off and leaving me to enter the large dining balcony by myself, was just as awkward as I predicted.

All thirteen Dwarves (and one Hobbit) paused, growing silent when I stepped into view. The music provided by the Elves was the only saving grace, otherwise I'm pretty sure I would have heard crickets. I didn't want to meet any eyes, but I was too curious to know what they were thinking, so I finally lifted my head a bit to take in the Company at their two tables, with Gandalf and Thorin sitting off at a special table with Elrond. (I took particular care not to look that direction.) Was it too much to hope they were simply awestruck by my newly-revealed sex appeal, like so many fanfictions I had read?

I was too busy cringing to laugh at my own internal joke. Yeah, no, they were definitely not staring at any curves, except maybe the slight swell of my bruised cheek.

"Lass, ye look, well… Ye look well!" Bofur tried, turning to give a meaningful look to the others, like I wouldn't catch onto what he was doing.

"Yes, very nice color on you!" Kili said reassuringly, then backpedaled to amend, "The dress, of course, not the… um." He tapped his cheek awkwardly before realizing he was just making it worse, and finally dropped his hand and his gaze with a wince. Fili, from the other table, gave his brother a head shake of disbelief.

I tried to give a smile, but both my cheek and my mood were having none of it. The sight of Fili and Kili did nothing to alleviate my guilt as I was waved over by the eldest prince to sit at the end of the table where they had saved a seat.

"You look fine, so no need to fret about it," Balin said as I passed by and sat a few seats away, probably mistaking my awkward sleeve readjustments as self-conscious fidgets. The table was small enough for him to continue, "Though, are you holding up well enough, lass?"

Ha.

I did give a very short, actual laugh at that, because I found it genuinely funny. Was I holding up well enough? Was I holding up well enough? Honestly, I had no idea how I was holding anything together without duct tape and super glue.

Seeming to understand that I was not doing so hot, Balin pursed his lips and gave a small nod, also understanding I didn't want to speak of it right now.

After a moment, conversations started up again, and I could tell the Company was trying to get back in the rhythm of normalcy, at least partially for my sake. Bombur passed me some wine – ridiculously strong wine that I only took like, two sips of – from my left, and Fili passing me some veggies from my right. At the other table, Bofur and Kili kept glancing over, sending telepathic messages to their brothers to check on me. It was very touching and all, but I really didn't want the attention to be on me just then, and I kept gradually slouching to try and disappear until they got the picture.

At the other table, I could barely hear some hushed conversation about Elf maids, knowing that Kili was probably mistaking a male for a female right about then. Surely enough, there was a bout of laughter, and Bofur gave Kili a pat on the back in good humor.

I glanced around at our hosts to spot the Elf guy that had been confused for a woman, kind of able to see how they would be confused by the effeminacy. My eyes went past him and I was surprised to spot Nadri across the balcony, playing the large harp, finally understanding why she looked so familiar the first time I saw her. She gave me a nod and continued playing, much to the distaste of the Dwarves.

Unfortunately, a little after I began trying to nibble on some vegetables, Thorin stood from his table and walked over to join his friends and kin, bringing him despairingly close to where I was seated. He pulled out a personal flask, taking a few drinks and watching the others slowly become more and more rowdy. Their impatience with a traditional Elven dinner was enough to stick a bit of a smile on his face, and my appetite was suddenly missing in action.

Nori, being seated the closest to Nadri, complained in her direction that he felt like he was at a funeral. I felt slightly bad for her. The music was actually quite relaxing, to me at least, but this Company was just not the 'Day Spa and Meditation' type.

After enough moaning and groaning about the tunes, good ole reliable Bofur took matters into his own hands. Off and away he went, up onto the table, singing about an Inn that had excellent beer.

And off and away I went, unable to stomach their optimism and their smiles and their… and their… just everything!

As sneakily as I could, I rose from my cushion at the table and crept off past a few of the Elves, who gave me curious glances, but said nothing. I was already trying to navigate the halls with vision blurred by tears, and I didn't want anyone to ask questions, so I veered off quickly to an empty balcony I spotted on my way to dinner. It was getting dark, but I saw no sense in getting a light when I was trying to be discreet.

Of course, I hadn't been quite discreet enough.

I was crying when Thorin found me, only able to stop for a moment as he sat down beside me and asked what happened, then I was crying all over again when he corrected that he wasn't asking for how the map got destroyed, as I had assumed. He was asking about me. What happened to me.

Exiled Dwarf King, Thorin Oakenshield, Son of Thrain, Son of Thror, rubbed my back as I sobbed. It was a combination of his caring and simply remembering what happened that triggered the tears. The bad thing was, I actually liked having him this close. It didn't make me nervous, like our Q&A sessions, because this wasn't Q&A. This was me freaking out and him being there. I didn't want him to stop, and immediately wanted the warmth of his hand returned when he ceased contact.

Lo and behold, the very reason I was trying to get away from everyone, had found me. Not only did he find me, no, of course not. He came and he comforted me. Of course he decides to be selfless and kind to me after I've chosen to ditch the mission, after I realized I would have to leave him and his golden-fucking-hearted nephews to their fate.

In the short time we'd known each other, Thorin had never been truly mean to me. As a generally severe person, it should have been easy for him to be annoyed by my constant hesitance and fumbling. He was impatient at times when it came to the quest and the map, especially at the beginning of things, but never downright mean, even bothering to curb his intimidation tactics so as not to scare me. In fact, he was only getting more used to my presence, becoming more certain that I was harmless, and becoming nicer to me because of it. I didn't want him to be nice. I liked nice. I didn't want to like Thorin at all! In any capacity! I already liked his unyielding morals and his courage. I already liked his determination and his concrete resilience, so unlike myself. I already liked his rumbling voice and, obviously, his blinding good looks.

How dare Thorin Oakenshield be nice on top of all that?

How dare he, when I was looking for every excuse to stay in Rivendell and be a coward? I wanted him to be abrasive for five seconds, to give me any reason not to stick myself in front of a Warg's jaws again, but no. Of course not. That would have been too easy.

Thorin was patient, and told me not to apologize for crying. (The stabbing guilt arose.) He asked me carefully to make sure I hadn't been molested. (The guilt stabbed a little harder.) He apologized for not coming to my aid sooner, when I was still floored that they had risked their lives to get me back at all. (I was utterly impaled by guilt at this point, let's be honest.) With no idea that the map had been all but incinerated, they had genuinely just come to rescue me, myself, because they were good people who cared whether this weirdo lived or died.

Then my sleeve slipped, drawing Thorin's eyes to his grandfather's map, and he tried to pretend he wasn't curious. Obviously he had a right to be interested, and I told him as much, realizing that I was – in fact – the last entire copy of that stupid map. The remainder of the hope for this quest was hitching a ride on my arm, and I knew Thorin wanted to see it, even if he was trying to be polite about it. So I let him.

Remaining calm just then, as I allowed him to look over my tattoo and felt his fingers brush against my skin, was a proud moment for me. I suppressed a shiver that had nothing to do with the night air, thankful that the candelabra's light wasn't quite enough to show my blush. Somehow, despite my inner turmoil at simply being near this Dwarf, my 'hot guy proximity alert' was still running at full capacity. Go figure.

I knew he would see the Moon Runes, but I also knew he was meant to discover them that night anyway. Really, I wasn't changing much by letting the information go ahead of schedule by a few hours, however, I wasn't certain how Lord Elrond's role was tied to everything. Would the quest be altered if Elrond didn't see the runes? Would the White Council still meet regardless? Or did Galadriel show up due to telepathic information from Elrond about Thorin's map and thus, Thorin's mission? Or did she just see it in her fancy psychic bird bath?

It was a lot to worry about.

Even if I wasn't continuing on with the Company, the entirety of Middle Earth still depended on the Quest for Erebor. If I couldn't go home, God forbid, then I was stuck with whatever this world would become, and I preferred if it wasn't a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It was a selfish thought process, but I wasn't thinking straight. I had just experienced some shit that day, and I was scared, growing more depressed with my position by the minute.

I didn't have too much time to think on this though, as I tried to explain about the Moon Runes to Thorin, forgetting that my hand was holding up the front of my dress when I started to sign. Flashing my corset to a King wasn't exactly on the top of my To-Do list, an agonizing reminder fluttering through my head that he had seen most of my torso before anyway.

Ever the well-timed interruption, Gandalf found us sitting on that balcony, me with the top half of my dress still in a questionable arrangement and embarrassment rolling off in tidal waves. Thorin was too focused on the discovery of the runes to dwell on the potentially inappropriate situation – thank all that is holy – and brought up the hidden runes with the Wizard.

Thorin was obviously not happy that Elrond was already made aware of the map's existence. The choice to share that information about his personal quest was taken out of his hands, and I could see why that would be irksome, but it needed to happen. Were it not for Gandalf divulging news of the map before permission was granted, I wasn't sure we could have convinced Thorin to let Elrond have a look. I had the knowledge already, so why let an Elf in on this, was probably his thought process.

What I told Thorin about the wording, about how important it was to get it just right, was true. However, it wasn't 100% accurate to say I was uncertain about my memory; I had that shit memorized impeccably. It was tattooed on my arm, for Pete's sake, different language or no!

Since I had sworn truthfulness, I felt bad for the grey area I took advantage of, but I really, honestly didn't want to sign it wrong. Just because my memory was fine didn't mean my Iglishmêk was perfect just yet. I could absolutely see myself accidentally signing 'flamingo' instead of 'thrush'... Somehow.

I met Thorin's eyes on that balcony, pleading with him, and regardless of what finally tipped the scales, he agreed.

"So be it," Thorin finally said, still not happy, but going with it.

I felt my shoulders relax, not bothering to readjust my sleeves this time when they slipped down.

"Very good," said Gandalf, though I think it was more to himself than to us, and turned to exit the terrace. "If that's all sorted, Lord Elrond is waiting for us."

Thorin tilted his head for me to follow our companion first before trailing after as well, a small show of his manners that made me want to crawl under a rock. Stop being nice!

We passed through the same hallways I had come from on my escape from dinner, and I heard a few Company members somewhere, their laughter echoing down one of the lit corridors. A little further down, we spotted Balin investigating some bookshelves with Ori and Bilbo. Thorin stopped momentarily to inform them of what was about to go down, wanting Balin to be present for the whole thing, and Ori scuttled off, probably to go tell his brothers the interesting development. Balin wasn't super happy about Thorin's choice to show the Elf, but only voiced his doubt once before he knew the decision was already set. Meanwhile, Bilbo stayed put while awkwardly shuffling his hairy feet, until Gandalf noticed.

"Come, Bilbo. As our official Burglar, you will need this information as well," he said without pause.

Thorin's brows lowered more than they already were, but instead of voicing any displeasure, he continued on and ignored the addition.

I rolled my eyes and waited for the Hobbit, who spotted my display, and he gave me a tight-lipped smile before walking after the others. Maybe I should get pointers from Bilbo on how to get Thorin to be rude, and then I really would have an excuse to stay in Rivendell.

We entered a familiar room, though I hadn't actually been in it since we arrived, leaving me to assume I remembered it from the movie. The ceiling was relatively high, with pillars spaced intermediately around a low platform with steps leading up to it. The platform itself was actually another large balcony, I realized, noticing the moon was bright enough to extend its light all the way in our building, but that wasn't where we headed.

The other half of the room consisted of archways holding up a second floor, railings visible from our vantage point, and Lord Elrond was waiting near one of these archways. There were a few desks with books lying open on them, some oil lamps for each one, and a few candelabras stationed around, making me wonder if this wasn't a study of some kind.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd changed your mind," Elrond said, glancing between Gandalf and Thorin, seeming to understand there was some previous disagreement.

"Of course not," replied Gandalf as he gave a tense smile, trying to adjust the mood back to casual. "Though now that we're here, I feel we should tell you the map is not of the, ah… traditional variety. The original was rendered useless during our run-in with the Men I spoke of, but fortunately, we had another copy, so to speak."

At this, my friends' eyes turned to me, causing Elrond to focus on me as well.

I had not bothered to readjust the sleeves of my dress, so the Lonely Mountain poking out on my shoulder, just above the blue fabric, was a giveaway for anyone with eyes. Of course, Elrond was also an Elf with sharp vision, and he was not exactly a dummy either. Awkwardly, I stepped forward, slipping my arm back out of my sleeve, very careful not to let my dress fall down again. I don't think I could have handled the extra embarrassment that night.

Elrond's expression became a cross of confusion and intrigue as I shifted my arm around slightly, allowing him a better look at all angles. He wasn't reading anything yet, simply taking in this anomaly for the moment, eventually pausing to glance back over to Thorin, then Gandalf, with a look of concern.

"Erebor?" Elrond questioned, disapproving already. "What is your… interest in this map?"

Thorin opened his mouth the tiniest bit to answer or possibly tell him it wasn't his business, but Gandalf got there first. "It's mainly academic," the Wizard said, glancing at the Dwarf King with a silent plea to be quiet, before looking back to Elrond. "They simply wish to know the translation for archival purposes. To keep an important hold on their history, as it were."

"These runes are indeed ancient Dwarvish," started Elrond after some thought, "But might I ask why this clearly Dwarven map is held by a woman of Men?"

Gandalf was quick to respond with a question instead of an actual answer, though I wasn't sure if even he really knew why it was tattooed on me. "Quite strange, is it not?" he said. "It is in my opinion, at least, but regardless of oddity, you are the only one we know of who can read it. Miss Hollander is having trouble remembering the exact words, and we would prefer an accurate reading."

Smooth dodging there, G. I waited tensely, taking a peek over to Thorin, Balin, and Bilbo. Thorin looked like he wanted to speak very badly, but understood that Gandalf was pretty skilled at weaving words in a way that would get them what they needed. Balin seemed to be in the same boat, and poor Bilbo just looked perpetually concerned.

Like I said, Lord Elrond was not exactly a dummy, and he could tell the question was evaded all together, but by the grace of the Valar, he let it slide. In place of pursuing that topic, he stepped closer to me. "If I may?" he asked, with his hands held in a patient, hovering fashion, similar to what Thorin had done.

I shrugged, holding my arm up more. There was still a significant height difference, despite my best efforts, forcing Elrond to bend slightly. It was awkward, and I was nervous because of who it was, but it wasn't the same nervousness that came with Thorin's touch. This felt more clinical, like a visit to the doctor. Not that Elrond wasn't attractive or anything. Immortal DILF just wasn't my cup of tea at the moment.

"Curious," Elrond murmured, turning to the others. "If I could see what remains of the original as well?"

There was no point in saying no, Thorin knew, since the whole map was already exposed, though he was still a bit defensive of the small surviving piece. With a sigh through his nose – like sharing this much with an Elf was physically painful to him – he pulled out the scrap of paper and handed it over.

Elrond gave a nod of courtesy (which was infinitesimally returned by the other party), unfolding the sheet to its triangular best. He looked it over as he took a few thoughtful steps towards the platform, into the light of the moon.

I shifted slightly, trying to see what could possibly be showing with half the map gone, but then a tiny, faint shimmer on the edge of the paper caught my attention. My brows drew together as I tiptoed slightly to get a better view, realizing with surprise that there had been one, singular rune that survived the fire. It was so weak in the dim moonlight that if you weren't looking for it, you would undoubtedly miss it, but it was there, nestled next to the charred edge.

Elrond breathed some words in Elvish, glancing back to my arm as Gandalf quietly confirmed, "Moon Runes. Of course."

The two Dwarves and our Hobbit waited for elaboration on this.

"Were these normal circumstances, Moon Runes could only be read by the light of a moon the same shape and season as the day on which they were written," Elrond explained, staring at me with interest. "Lady Hollander has managed to inscribe these hidden runes on her arm, with white ink, leaving them visible to any regardless of the moon's phase."

I became mildly uncomfortable. When you say it like that, it sounds like I'm just waving Ereborian secrets around for all to see.

Thorin was obviously of this mindset, glancing over to meet my gaze with a slight frown. I twitched my lips in the weakest of split-second smiles, and his chin inclined slightly, telling me this was definitely going to be brought up later.

Elrond continued though, appearing almost amused at the coincidence as he said, "These runes were written on a midsummer's eve, by the light of a crescent moon nearly 200 years ago. It seems you were meant to come to Rivendell with or without the original map, Thorin Oakenshield, for the very same moon shines upon us tonight."

Bilbo stared out the large archway of the balcony, to the moon, then turned to glance back and forth between Thorin and Balin, who were surprised at the news. There was a pause as they soaked in this clear demonstration of fate, with Thorin meeting my eyes again momentarily and noting my lack of surprise. Had I been firing on all cylinders, I would have pretended to be shocked, or raised my eyebrows at the very least.

Returning from the moonlit half of the room, Elrond passed the map fragment back to Thorin and came over to me once again. I raised my arm and tilted it accordingly one more time, allowing him to read the passage in white letters that all were waiting for.

"Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the keyhole."

A pause radiated through the room as Elrond's reading soaked in.

"Durin's Day?" Bilbo asked, first to break the silence.

Gandalf responded, saying, "It is the start of the Dwarves' New Year, when the last moon of autumn and the first sun of winter appear in the sky, together."

I glanced over, noticing the sudden tension in Thorin's stance as he paced, one hand at his chin and the other supporting that arm's elbow. The whole thing was bizarre, as once again dialogues were playing out in places they weren't originally meant to.

"This is ill news," Thorin said thoughtfully, growing concerned for their quest. "Summer is passing. Durin's Day will soon be upon us."

"We still have time," Balin spoke up.

"Time? For what?" Bilbo questioned, not super clear on things just yet.

"To find the entrance," answered Balin, stepping forward and closer to Thorin, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. "We have to be standing at exactly the right spot, at exactly the right time; then – and only then – can the door be opened."

"So this is your purpose? To enter the mountain?" asked Elrond with a certain amount of dissatisfaction.

Thorin dropped his arms, becoming defensive. "What of it?"

Elrond didn't rise to argue his case with the Dwarf King, simply stating in a low tone, "There are some who would not deem it wise."

"What do you mean?" Gandalf interceded with a small frown.

Elrond began to walk, the Wizard following after him, as he said sternly, "You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle Earth." Then they were gone down the hallway and out of sight.

Now irritated that Elrond knew of their plan, Thorin tucked away the small map segment and looked to me. "Durin's Day?" he asked, as though he still didn't quite trust Elrond's reading.

I nodded the tiniest of nods.

He exhaled heavily, turning his gaze to Balin.

The older Dwarf sighed as well, giving a nod of certainty. "We have time."


As soon as the rune debacle was over, and Thorin and Balin began conversing more thoroughly about their plans, I bid them an awkward goodnight right after Bilbo did and made for the spare room the Elves had leant me. I wasn't sure if I was actually meant to sleep in there and away from the guys for the sake of propriety, or if I was just given use of it to change clothes and bathe, but either way, I was exhausted and needed to think things over in solitude.

Thorin and his Company were finally aware of the deadline – Durin's Day. They would first take their short rest in Rivendell for a few days, though I wasn't certain how many, and then they would be gone. In the book, they stayed an entire two weeks, and in the movie, it seemed like barely two days. Then again, a lot of things in the movie were condensed, time-wise, so I couldn't really be sure of anything at this point.

It hardly mattered how long they stayed, I realized as I reached the guest room. I wasn't even going with them, was I? The Valar had made a mistake, yeah?

Yeah.

The two sconces on either side of the room were lit, and I silently thanked Nadri or Lieren or whoever came in here earlier to do that. Moonlight was great and all, but I wasn't an owl. By the light of the fire, I was able to find my newly laundered clothes folded in a neat pile on the bed. I contorted myself out of the Elvish dress, and unlaced the insanity that was the corset, taking a quick look over my stack of clothing. Most of the blood stains were gone, leaving only the worst as vague dark blotches that could have been mistaken for simple travel stains (of which there were plenty of anyway), with my black hoodie and maroon shirt mostly unaffected, thankfully, and my underwear in a similar state.

I put on my t-shirt, but held off on the undies, keeping the cotton ones I had been loaned for now. They weren't terribly uncomfortable, just odd and different. (You know how trying new underwear is.) I didn't bother with my bra either, since I'd had to wear the thing for a month straight, and frankly, it looked like it was on its last legs.

After slipping my sweats back on and carefully placing the dress and corset on the table, I stared at the sconces for a minute before deciding to leave them be. I wasn't even sure if I could blow them out, to be honest, since they were a.) too high up, and b.) a lot bigger than a teeny candle.

This was probably a good idea on my part, considering how many times I woke up that night.

I was so, so fucking tired, yet it felt like sleep only came for minutes at a time. The bed was comfortable, the sheets fluffy, and it was like a grand hotel compared to sleeping on the ground, but between my restless thoughts and my detailed nightmares – because oh, yes, there were certainly nightmares – I couldn't stay asleep.

The majority of the nightmares were exactly what I thought they would be; Jean hovering over me with that knife at my throat, the image melding into Gavin slipping his hand up my shirt, followed by, of course, the Warg. The enormous Warg, looking down, baring its fangs… Most of the time, these nightmares didn't end with Kili's arrow landing in the nick of time or with Thorin saying my name to snap me out of my stupor. No. They mostly ended quite poorly, causing me to wake in a sweat and stare at the sconces I had left flickering.

That wasn't even the worst of it. The worst had to be the nightmares that came with my decision to jump ship and abandon this insanity that I was never meant to be a part of. When I wasn't stuck in a bad dream about my kidnapping, I was stuck with images of Fili falling to his death. Of Kili, impaled so soon after. Of Thorin, facing down his mortal enemy on a frozen river…

Nightmares or no nightmares, I still didn't believe I was the right person for this job. I was not going all the way to Erebor only to watch them die anyway, because Yavanna stuck their fate in my useless hands.

It wasn't even light outside when I decided to give up on sleep, wiping half-dried tears off my face for what felt like the hundredth time. There were birds making a racket in the gardens, but the sun had yet to rise completely, and the sky was still a dim grey hue. I would have given my left kidney for some overpowered Starbucks right then.

Putting on my bra and the silky slippers, I glanced at the mirror with a cringe and left the room for the time being. I stopped off at the bathroom, dealing with my morning routine and taking extra care to wash my face, even though my eyes were still puffy as hell.

I assumed breakfast would be in the same area as dinner was the night before, and I was right, but I figured it was too early for anyone to be out and about. This was not the case.

"Goodmorning," greeted Balin warmly from his seat at the table. Beside him, Dwalin was making a face at a chunk of cantaloupe he was holding, stopping for a second to nod my way.

The dining setup was left out for us, though it was significantly cleaner than the last time I saw it, with the vegetables and lettuce no longer strewn about, and the tables set to rights. New food was out, consisting more of fruits and bread than the evening selection had been, and thankfully the absurdly strong wine had been replaced with milk and water.

The Elves themselves weren't congregated like they had been the night before. I had only spotted two or three on my way to the balcony, and there were none that I could see around the dining area.

I meandered over to Balin and Dwalin, only partially happy to see the familiar faces. Regardless of the rain cloud above my head, I gave them a small smile as a return greeting and sat down two seats away, on the other side of the table.

There was a long silence where nothing was said, only the birds and the nearby waterfalls making any noise. Thought I heard a flute somewhere as well. I wasn't looking their way, focusing instead on the food that I probably wasn't going to finish.

Balin paused as he was about to take another bite, lowering his hand to ask me softly, "Rough night, lass?"

I tried to give a crooked smile as I slowly signed, 'How can you tell?'

Dwalin scoffed through his nose with a smirk, giving a slight shake of his head as he went back to his food.

His brother only glanced at the reaction, turning back to me with a kind stare. "We don't expect you to be completely unshaken after what happened," he said, still relatively quiet. "We're just glad to see you safe."

Please don't make me emotional right now, Balin, I begged internally. It was too early and I was too tired. I was liable to cry at the drop of a hat, so any talk of the Company worrying over my safety yesterday was definitely off the table. I gave a smile that was part 'thanks' and part 'not right now, please'.

Balin got what I was saying, as he always did, replying with a short nod, and we ate in peace for a bit.

I only say a bit, because the rest of the Dwarves began waking up soon after, when the sky began to lighten further and the activity around Rivendell increased. Oín and Gloín joined us, sitting in the two empty seats to my right.

We were pretty much finished eating by the time they came around. As they dined, Balin scooted down a seat to work with me again to better my Iglishmek and, though he never stated as much, to get my mind off of things. There were a few exchanges of boring sentences, and some previous corrections that had completely slipped my mind in the midst of the drama.

During some grammar adjustments, the Ur family arrived, with Bofur managing to get a real smile out of me with his jovial, "Goodmornin'!"

Of course, that smile got doused in some cold water when Fili and Kili came bouncing in, taking seats beside me and Balin.

"How are you doing this morning, Jenna?" asked Fili as he began filling up his plate, showing less hesitance with the fruit than some of the others.

I shrugged, pretending to focus really hard on a strawberry I just picked up, even though I was clearly through eating.

"You look more comfortable, at least," Kili supplied from beside me, trying his best to be casual and get me out of my funk.

It sort of worked, as I raised an eyebrow, finally lifting my eyes enough to meet his.

"Wearing your own clothes again, I mean. You look more comfortable," he explained, offering me a dish. "Blackberries?"

I shook my head, awkwardly putting the strawberry back, and said, 'I am full. Thank you.'

Kili stared at my hands momentarily, and I realized my mistake, opening my mouth to sound the words instead. He stopped me though, putting a hand up slightly.

"No, wait, I've got it. Maybe. Part of it – you said 'thank you', I believe..?" he trailed off, glancing at Balin like he was going to get in trouble if it was wrong.

The old Dwarf smiled a bit. "Yes, that was part of it. We were actually in the middle of another lesson, if you'd care to join?"

"That might be a good idea," Kili murmured, giving me a smile of embarrassment.

The smile was borderline painful. We started signing again, with Balin showing us both different combinations and shortcuts. A few small sentences were exchanged before I realized I wasn't soaking anything in, only thinking about the two princes at our table and the images from my nightmares. Oh god, was I going to throw up? I felt like I was going to throw up.

"…Jenna?" Kili addressed when I'd stopped signing back to him, giving a concerned look that caused a few others to pause, too.

I couldn't find it in myself to respond, standing from the table and nearly tripping over the round cushion as I hurried away. Everything was clammy and gross and I couldn't breathe. I almost ran smack into Nori as I turned a corner, only pausing in my escape long enough for him to steady me with one hand on my shoulder.

"Woah there," he chuckled, amusement fading when he got a better look at me, letting his hand fall. "You alright?"

I shook my head, moving on quickly and heading for that stupid guest room where I was going to lock myself up and never come out.

No, Nori, I am most certainly not alright.

I wasn't part of Bilbo's great adventure, I wasn't meant to be in this fantasy world, and I sure as hell wasn't going on a quest to reclaim a mountain from a fire-breathing dragon while being chased by Wargs and Orcs and Elves and giant Spiders, just to save these three dorks who by all means shouldn't exist. I mean, I definitely, certainly, absolutely wasn't...

…was I?


Things are looking a bit dismal, but they won't stay that way forever, guys. ;)

Fudging it a bit with the moon rune placement on the map, since they were actually a bit lower, but I think we'll survive. Not the only thing I've fudged, but my lips are sealed. XD

(Fun Fact: Nadri is named after a brand of jewelry we sell at my job. lmao just like Hollander is a brand of pillow.)

Anyway, thank you guys for being so patient and for leaving all these fantastic reviews. Like, you don't even know how many times I go back and read over those things and try to figure out how to respond, and then just wind up procrastinating the response until it's time for an update, and by then I'm just like, "they'd probably rather have a chapter than a message." lol I'll try not to procrastinate this time, and (hopefully) it won't take me another two months to get the next chapter out.

Until next time! xoxo