A/N: Hey guys sorry for the abrupt ending it was just getting kind of long and I have a new focus for this part so welcome to chapter 4. As always I make no money from this work and I do not own Harry Potter. Trigger warnings for this chapter. Violence and referenced miscarried pregnancy. If you do not want to read I'd just skip the chapter and ill put up a quick summery with the next updated chapter. Review if you would be so kind?! Enjoy.
Chapter 4 Home and heartbreak, flashing back and back again.
"How was work boys?" she asked after welcoming her husband home with a quick kiss. Both men smiled. Sirius dropped a kiss on her forehead as they sat down at the table. The men shared a meaningful look while she turned her attention to the meal.
"Moody got a plan together. We will be moving in on the target soon." James smiled briefly. Sirius caught another pointed look and grinned as well.
"Might be a touch longer that I want but hopefully its in the next few days." Sirius said. He understood his best mate didn't want to worry Lily with specifics. Plus with Moody putting a gag order on the entire team he figured even Order members weren't meant to be made aware of the plan, or the date. After all, the last thing that they needed was for there to be a leak as Moody had already warned. Plus then his paranoia would be justified in this case… and no one wanted to live with a smug and vindicated Alastor Moody. They'd never hear the end of it.
Now obviously both men trusted Lily as well as the other two members of their small pack. They knew they could trust them and each other with their lives. They refused though to worry any of them any more then was necessary. The entirety of the British Wizarding world and the populace of the U.K. magical world were all ready constantly living in fear. They were in the middle of a war after all. Add in the fact that each of them were involved with an underground, vigilante-ish militia meant to fight on the front lines and bring down the 'Big Bad and Co" it wasn't statistically friendly. Add in that James and Sirius were fighting the front legitimately as Aurors as well and Lily especially was ready to jump out of her skin on a regular basis when ever one of her boys left the house. To her credit though she was no worse than the boys when she was the one leaving unescorted as infrequent as that may be. At this point the worry just never truly went away at this point.
Up until last moth the married couple had had one more reason then the others to be worried. With that fear though for the first time since their wedding they had had honest to Merlin Hope. It had been harshly dashed as it was crushed under fates unforgiving heel. Lily had miscarried the couples first baby.
After they had learned they were expecting the Potters' had a bit of a rough go of it at first. It had been weeks before the couple could get passed their quilt. Initially they had been horrified. 'Honestly what are we thinking?!' and 'yes we're barmy for even thinking of bringing a baby into the world in the middle of a bloody war!' Lily had sobbed her heart out into her husbands shoulder on many occasions. James had done his best to just hold his wife offering the only comfort he could. He shared in her thoughts and fears but voiced very few though she saw him struggle with it all he same.
They had spent so much time just feeling torn. Each feeling stuck between shame and guilt and hope and pride. Naturally they already loved the baby, and that alone pushed them to accept the situation for what it was. It was scary, but it was wonderful too. After reaching said conclusion they finally told Sirius and Remus their news. Though a bit shocked, both thankfully congratulated the soon to be parents. Each shoving their own fear to the darkest corners of their minds, never to be spoken aloud. Both men refused to cause their friends any more panic or fear.
Not long after Lily had started to noticeably show Lily, escorted for once by Peter, had been walking Diagon Alley on an errand run. Lily had been very nearly ready to leave only having one more stop to go when the two fell under attack. They had run for cover as best they could and managed to bed down in an alley where Lily had just enough time to send Patronuses to Remus, the Ministry, James and Sirius, and Dumbledore. Not a moment later Peter was felled by a stunner to the face and Lily was left to defend them both alone. Color of all shades and hues rained down and all around her. She'd held her own for nearly twenty minutes before help arrived. The help thankfully came in the form of the remaining set of Marauders. Now made to defend as well as attack the attacking group of Death Eaters were losing ground. Then suddenly they began apparating out. Once the last had left Lily turned to revive her fallen companion. James was nearly half way down the alley on his way to her when out of no where there was a flash and a boom. The cobblestones at Lily's feet blew up to meet her and pressure came from behind her and her world went black. Her husbands screams were the last sound to register in her ears.
The young Mrs. Potter woke to see white. Literally white was everywhere. With a groan she managed to sit herself up. She was then able to process more than the now offensive color. A mediwitch at the foot of her bed and a very distinct sanitary smell where all the more unwanted clues she needed. St. Mungo's…. just about the last place one wants to wake up in.
Suddenly the events leading up said wakening began to piece themselves and with a final click and a sob her hands and her eyes dropped to her stomach. Her once pleasantly rounded, now flat and clearly unoccupied womb. James having heard her sob rushed back into the room. His own eyes red and tears stubbornly leaving their ducts to fall freely down his own face. Silently he wrapped his arms around his distraught wife as he seated himself next to her on her bed. He held her firmly even as she wept and screamed.
Peter had been sent home to recover from his own injuries that had luckily for him been minimal. Remus and Sirius however waited in the hall comforting James until his wife had woken. At her cries they had watched James dart back inside. They quietly decided to creep in as well. They watched as their friends cried and after a few moments each took a seat in a chair on either side of the grieving parents, and placed a hand on each of their shoulders offering their strength and silent support. As a family they cried and grieved. As the men of the family the cuddled their distraught Witch in turns as was needed as they had eventually just enlarged the bed and joined their friends in a bit of a puppy pile of tangled limbs and tears. They grieved the loss of the source of their hard won hope as it was now just… gone.
No after all of that James and Sirius had decided Lily would never be burdened with information to worry over unless it was absolutely necessary. One or the other would send Lily a before they left for the mission. Neither were stupid enough to keep anything from her entirely. No they just didn't want to give her any more time to stress on things then was needed. Now usually it was damn near impossible to hide or keep anything from Lily, so their success so far was odd. Sirius and Remus privately thought she was actively choosing to allow it, on the off chance she had again fallen pregnant. Though they both knew their friends were not truly trying for a baby they did wonder if perhaps they weren't also 'leaving it to Fate' as it were. If so they figured Lily would do whatever it took to keep this one safe. Including trusting her boys to tell her things when she needed to know them and no sooner.
Now perhaps these attitudes were not the healthiest in response to their grief but the truth of the matter was incredibly simple. The Potters' were young and deeply in love. Having a baby previously forced into the equation before and… well while it scared them, a lot, it had left them with a deep longing. Neither could imagine not being parents. The realities of war and cruelties of life laid them both at Hopes' feet and Fears' doorstep. So perhaps Fate or Destiny would take the choice into its hands and save them from choosing just yet. Until then they consoled each other with the promise of someday. It would happen someday. Come Hell or High Water, they would see the other made a parent. They just had to get through the war in one piece first.
Messers. Moony and Padfoot had made a related vow of their own. Unspoken to the Potters they had vowed to do whatever it took to help their brother in all but blood and his wife have the family they craved. They didn't know what that would take beyond doing their best to keep them both safe but they were prepared for whatever may come. The two men would do whatever it took, nothing else was acceptable.
However, back in the present all any of them could do now was sit down together and enjoy the lovely, prepared meal in front of them. Throughout said meal the men were joking and laughing, all the while Lily would half heartedly try to keep them in line. A valiant effort was made to be sure but ultimately it was wasted and she found herself doing the same things. Fun was had by all. Dinner came to its conclusion and after Remus offer to clean up James followed his suddenly slightly melancholy wife to their room.
Laying in bed together with Lily lightly curled around her husband had her feeling safe. Safe enough to be vulnerable. A small sniffle and a few tears escaped before her dear husband snaked both arms around her to pull her tighter into his embrace. Carefully but swiftly he flipped them both his beloved wife trapped between him and their bed. Reverently he spent his time slowly and gently reminding her of his love and devotion. Eventually, late in the night both were spent and fell into a much happier sleep. There was so much yet to be done but there… together safely in bed with their dearest friends in their home, it all could be worried about later. Much, much, much later.