Hello my beautiful people! Ugh, I missed you, I'm soo sorry this chapter is past overdue. Real life and tough times just get in the way, ya know?
It didn't help that this is a heavy-ish chapter as well. And on that note...
WARNING:
There is mention of abuse and violence that could trigger or upset some, please keep that in mind before reading the whole chapter.
Good times and fluff are mixed in as well, of course and now that I'm feeling more like myself I'm ready to continue to share this SanSan journey.
As always, let me know what you think as I love hearing from each and every one of you. Lastly, I want to thank you guys once again for your love and support on this story.
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PS this bitch is looooong
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I don't go into the office at all. Sleeping in is too fucking good and I don't feel like the third degree from Osha and Bronn. Part of me wants a parade to celebrate my date yesterday but more than that, I want to protect my time with Sansa.
It feels as if this is all a dream, and what if I share as much about our day as I'm comfortable doing so, and then wake up? If Sansa disappears, I think I will too.
They both reply to the email about my absence immediately. Osha shows some sign of concern but Bronn just wants to know all about my day with Sansa.
I tell them both we had a fucking fantastic time and I'd see them tomorrow. I then compose a, new and separate, message to Osha thanking her for the basket and telling her how much Sansa enjoyed it as well. She comes back with a smiley face and says you're welcome, that she understands and to enjoy my day off.
Bronn messages me incessantly. Most of it's funny and teasing, the man is like my brother and I shouldn't of expected any less. I go back with a few middle finger emojis and then ignore him.
Luckily, my cleaner comes on Fridays meaning there's not much to do around the house. I still tidy the place up before working out and getting myself ready for Sansa, who messaged to say she would be over in the late afternoon.
I've never cared about what my flat looked like for anyone, besides me. But with Sansa coming over, I find myself wishing it had more of a homey feel attached to it. I have a few framed photos and canvas prints that Osha, Roz and even Tormund gifted me over the years. There's a bit of artwork as well. I go to auctions that benefit certain charities and I keep the ones I like and gift the rest.
I don't know why I am so bloody worried, she would never judge me or look at me differently because of my place. The one time she's been here, Sansa was completely comfortable and at home. Let's hope that repeats itself today.
I plug in my iPod, putting it on shuffle and keeping the volume low before I place two glasses to chill and begin pacing my living room. I'm like a teenage girl waiting for her prom date, what the fuck is happening to me? I doubt I'll ever have the answer to that question, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, I like the change. Anticipation of something good, it's rare and new and fucking wonderful.
Finally, I hear a soft knock at the door and have to count to three so I don't look like some loser or freak who was standing at my peep hole all day. I really wasn't, I only looked through it a handful of times.
It's such a strange sensation, whenever I first lay eyes on Sansa after not seeing her for a period time. I feel as if any tension or concern drains from my body in an instant but in the same moment, my pulse races and my heart skips a beat. It's fucking thrilling.
Sansa is, as always, her beautiful and happy self, her bright face splits into a dazzling smile when she sees me. Maybe the girl is crazy.
Her shoulders are bare again but instead of one, like the first time we met, they're both staring me in the face, taunting me. Her soft, beige sweater and black jeans couldn't be more simple and comfortable but she might as well be a model in the middle of a photo shoot she looks so damn good.
I've never seen Sansa's feet, and a small chuckle escapes me when I see she's wearing flip-flops, something I didn't think she would own. Her toes are painted a bright orangey, red color and it's very, her.
"Nice toes." I comment.
Sansa peeks down at them before looking back to me and then laughs. "Thank you. It's nice to be cozy and let's be honest, you can't wear these kind of shoes outside in London yet."
I just nod and move to the side to let her in. That's when I notice she has something in her hands, a plate of, food?
"What do you have there?" I ask her.
"I made you my famous cookies I was bragging about, let's hope they're as good as I said they are." She laughs.
Sansa removes their cover once she's set them on my kitchen counter and my mouth waters. These biscuits are going to be better than she boasted about, I can already tell.
"Well, I can't wait for dessert." I tell her and realize how it might have come across. Sansa just bites her lip as a small blush appears on her cheeks.
After an extra beat of silence she speaks again. "Are you going to give me a tour?"
I blink a couple of times, eventually snapping out of my Sansa haze and start walking towards the living room.
"Sure. So, this my kitchen and living room." I spin around in a dramatic circle making her giggle. "But you already knew that. Let's keep going."
We proceed to go through the whole place. All of the flats are deceptively large for being apartments in the city.
We begin with my office, which is almost identical to my one at work. I need it fully functioning for the days I don't feel like going in and dealing with people. I have a vast personal library in here too, it takes up an entire wall and Sansa trails her fingertips over every spine she can reach.
"It's lovely in here. I don't know if I'd get any work done though, not with all these in front of me." She nods towards my novels.
"Perks of being my own boss, I can do that if I want." I half joke. Sometimes I do choose to get lost in someone else's story instead of living my own.
We pass by the guest and half baths, poke our heads into my gym (nothing exciting there) and end up in my bedroom. Sansa is in my room. Oh gods, if she only knew the thoughts I've had of her while I lay in bed. She'd run for the hills. Good thing she's not a mind reader.
Once we finish looking at my flat, and she's complimented everything multiple times, in detail, Sansa pops onto a bar stool at the kitchen island while I pour our wine.
"Sandor..." The way she says my name is unlike I've ever heard and the hairs on my neck stand-up immediately.
I walk over with our drinks and sit on the stool besides Sansa and turn to face her. I force myself to remain calm. "Yes little bird?"
She takes a generous sip of vino before placing it back down and fidgeting her hands in her lap, watching them intently. "I want to be honest with you." Sansa says quietly.
Here it comes. She's going to let me down, gently, as only she could. The minute she begins speaking I wish that had been her original intention, that I could suffer and take away any of her own.
"You can tell me anything." I try to make her look at me to no avail.
Sansa sucks in a long, deep breath and then begins to break my heart. I never thought I'd feel emotional pain equivalent to what happened to me as a child but I also never thought I'd feel so strongly about another person in my entire life as I do for her.
"It's about my book. It isn't really fiction." She closes her eyes, looking as if she's in pain. "Enough details of the situations and of course all names were changed for safety and legal reasons, but it's not made-up." Her tone makes my stomach roll.
I was right. I never wanted to be, I would've done anything to be wrong.
Slowly, I reach over and hold one of her hands. Sansa finally snaps her head up to meet my eyes again. "I'm here. When you're ready." I tell her, trying to exude strength through our touch.
Sansa looks terrified. I know it's not of me, but if it's of her story or telling the truth to another person, I'm unsure.
She squeezes my hand, tight, and continues. "I'm sure you've heard of the Lannisters."
Of course I fucking have, who hasn't? They've been tangled in politics longer than I've been alive. Old man Lannister, Tywin, ran for office when he was young and failed miserably.
After that, he immersed himself in being the foundation of his political party and, surprisingly, did a bloody good job. The papers, the people, all thought that was it for him. Anyone who suffered through such a defeat and subsequent tabloid hells would find a steady career and live their life out quietly.
Not this man, nor his family.
As soon as the eldest of his two children was considered an "adult" he tried his damnedest to make a campaign for his daughter, Cersei. (Tyrion, her younger brother, is another story, the poor sod was disowned. He might be the lucky one really.) The broad however, was too busy fawning over, her now husband, Jamie and taking risqué photos that were leaked to the paps. Her priorities weren't straight and she was quickly another Lannister fail.
I'm not huge into the political world, they're all pretty much fuckers and I know my rights. I vote, then help where and when I can but I'm not paying a pence for gossip on it all. However, even I could tell we would be stuck with this family for a long damn time to come once the Cersei bullshit hit the fan.
I was right.
Tywin did what he did best, slinking slightly into the background but still being ever present in the support of his party's leader. Like a real lion, laying in wait for his next opportune time to pounce.
Cersei quickly left behind any motions her father may have had for her and married her golden boy Jamie. (I did read something on the Internet the other day, that old records have been released and the two are actually first cousins. The rumor is, Tywin paid to have his son-in-law's birth certificate changed so they could pretend he was only a family friend. Gross fuckers.) They popped out three glowing, bronze kids and then they waited, waited for Joffrey, the eldest grandchild to turn eighteen and shove him down all our throats.
It lasted longer than I thought it would. He was painted as a sweetheart. Photos of him at old folks homes and primary schools were all over the internet and the papers. He spoke eloquently and never ruffled feathers when in the public eye. Some of the country even began falling for him. Honestly, his pretty boy looks probably took him farther than any scheme Tywin had planned.
To no one's real shock, his Prince Charming mask fell off in a drastic way. Last I heard, he was locked up. Something about hookers and cocaine.
Sansa doesn't even need to say his name. I know it's him that hurt her. The mere thought of that scum near her makes my blood boil. I know I need to calm the fuck down, for Sansa, she deserves my attention and support.
I can tell she wants to look away as she continues to talk, but she doesn't, not yet.
"Well, I dated Joffrey for a while. For almost two years actually, and those were the worst months of my life." She laughs, but it holds not an ounce of humor.
Sansa goes on to tell me their entire sordid tale. The two met at a tea party held for families in their "circle" to celebrate the new year, back in the first weeks of 2016. Ned didn't usually like his family attending any events, he wanted them protected from the press and other party members. However, this was small, intimate and held by Robert. They had to join him.
Joffrey set his sights on Sansa immediately, even brining his grandfather into the mix. Over the next several months, between Tywin and himself, he would visit Sansa whenever he could. Apparently, the young cunt was important enough to travel the country for events and such.
By spring they were in a committed relationship and he spent most of the summer with her in York. Joffrey even invited Sansa on their end of summer family vacation to celebrate her entering her final year of school before university.
That's when the abuse began.
At first it was only verbal. A snide comment here, a cruel joke lacking any humor there. Joffrey always apologized or made it up to Sansa in some way. She was honest with me and said she was so infatuated with him she allowed more than she should've for far too long.
Between his traveling with his grandfather and their party, as well as the fact they were stationed far enough away that it made day impossible, plus Sansa was finishing school, they had a mostly long distance relationship for the first year and then some.
Even so, by that Christmas he started laying hands on her and fucking with her mind. He began by subtly reminding her and pointing out how good and honest her father was. And how his family was the polar opposite. This meant they each held different "connections" and she wouldn't want to upset Tywin. What would Ned even be able to do?
Whenever Joffrey got her alone he made sure Sansa saw something illegal or disturbing, driving home the fact he would retaliate if he didn't get what he wanted.
Sansa said she found herself dreading graduation. Not only was the University she'd been accepted to closer to the Lannister compound, but being away from her family and having a more open schedule, meant she'd have to suffer at his hand even more.
Sansa admitted that she almost told her family multiple times about what was going on. Not the pretty picture Joffrey and his family painted and made Sansa fake as well. But it was as if the blonde cunt knew what she was planning and would, without fail, say or do something a little darker and more corrupt in her presence as if to scare her deeper.
Sansa immersed herself in studying during her final months of high school and found that subconsciously she was drifting away from her friends. Joffrey was getting her all on her own, just where he wanted her.
Over that summer, Joffrey started asking Sansa to go away with him, just the two of them. Sometimes just to the country and other times they even went on short jaunts overseas. Initially, she was petrified of what could happen during days upon days of being alone with him. Thank fuck, the trips were simply alibis.
Joffrey had many illegal activities going on in his life and needed to get away from the questioning ears and eyes of his family. What better excuse than a "romantic" weekend with your girlfriend.
To not only Sansa's relief, but my own presently, he also stopped sleeping with her as much during those months. Apparently, Joffrey is the stupidest, idiot and is also blind because he told her she was not desirable and "sucked" in bed. Sansa whispered to me that even though she's working through those cruel lies, it did and sometimes still does affect her.
It broke her own heart when she realized he just wanted to do semi-non-consensual things as it got him off and those acts are better suited to hookers, in his sick opinion. People he can pay to be quiet.
Sansa's friendships were already strained, and she began to not even reply to her friends' messages. She also started to see the distance as a blessing, the less people who were close to her, the less innocents that could be hurt because of her decisions. I wanted to stop Sansa right there and tell her to stop blaming herself but I know that she has to do this in her time and in her way.
Joffrey might have left her alone intimately, for the most part, but during that same period of time, his violent outbursts and physical abuse increased at an alarming rate. It was so bad that she almost didn't see her family for the entire summer. She had to stay with him, behind closed doors to allow herself to heal.
Sansa was worried her family would guess what had been going on in her relationship. None of them are naïve, especially Jon being a cop. She noticed their glances turn worried and caught them having more than one hushed conversation when she wasn't in the room.
Sansa did finally look away from me then, hanging her head and squeezing her eyes shut. "I suppose, I had just become that good of an actress. Pretending that everything was fine."
It took every ounce of strength in my body to not pull Sansa into my arms and comfort her. To ensure she knows none of this was her fault and she never deserved any of this fucking shit that happened. But I can see myself reflected in how she's acting right now, like a scared animal who's skittish and one wrong move would send her running.
Instead, I hold the hand that she's allowed me to keep within my grasp, this entire time, even harder and stroke her knuckles with my thumb, giving her my silent support.
It takes a few minutes for her to seemingly gather the strength and energy to finish retelling her real life nightmare.
Sansa remembers that she had actually become a bit more like her old self in the month before starting university, when he had allowed her to leave his sight. She smiled as she recounted those days, just her and her family when she could almost taste what life could be like without Joffrey.
Then he showed up at her dorm, with flowers and a fake smile, telling her and the rest of the Starks that he was surprising them as he wanted to help her move in. Sansa said everything went dark in an instant.
The next three months weren't as bad as she had anticipated. Tywin had shortened Joffrey's leash and he was spending most of his time at the family home in Birmingham doing actual work. He did find a handful of excuses and pockets of time to visit her or take her away on one of their hellish getaways.
From then on, whenever Joffrey spoke to Sansa there were no jokes or nice conversations and there sure as fuck were no make up gifts or long drawn out fake apologies.
He did what he did to Sansa and took what he wanted and honestly thought he had scared her so badly, that she would never tell a soul. Sansa said to me that she believed that part of her life would last forever.
Sansa didn't know anyone at her new school and wouldn't dare to try and make friends, a fact Joffrey was well aware of. This made it not only easy for him to get her on her own, but it gave Sansa no one to hide behind, no plans to keep her busy. She was at his beck and call.
"And then something changed." Sansa says with more conviction.
"Joffrey, he- he stopped caring about anything that he couldn't snort, drink or fuck. He was getting too high, too drunk and doing too much dirt on the side. I could tell he wasn't keeping up with it at all." Sansa shakes her head, as if still wrapping her head around it.
"And since he liked to scare me so badly, I knew these people he was tangled up with were not to be forgotten or screwed over."
"I think what ended us came from a last ditch effort to make his own problems disappear." Sansa's face loses a bit of pain at the memory.
"Joffrey told our families, before even asking me, that I would be stopping at the Lannister estate on my long drive north to be back with my family for Christmas. His mother and grandfather replied to the message with over the top happy words of, I love you both, and told us to enjoy our few days together before we were separated for the holidays."
"My own parents and siblings reached out to me separately to make sure I was alright with the plan. I clearly remember typing out so many responses, telling them, no I wasn't fine it and that it was all a ruse and to please help me." Sansa hasn't shed a tear but I see emotion behind her eyes that's verging on them now.
"But then I remembered the phone call I had with Joff the night before. He detailed what was going wrong in his life, he told me it had to be it fixed because if it wasn't they wouldn't stop at him. These people would come for everyone he cares about, or who they believed him to give a damn about. Joff made sure to tell me he didn't give a shit about me but they were none the wiser of that fact."
"So, instead, I told my family everything was great and that I was excited to see them in a week or so. I had no idea it would be a lot sooner than that." More color drains from her beautiful face.
"When I began the long drive down the winding private road that lead to the Lannister grounds, I could tell immediately something was off. The main house was in darkness, save for the servant quarters. The only cars, lights and life to be seen were from the two guest homes, the ostentatiously large one for Joffrey and the other for his team of security and so called friends." I can see this is taking a lot of out Sansa to share this part of her life, the worst moment it seems. I feel my stomach clench with nerves and hate.
"Joff was off his head when I finally gathered the courage to let myself in. He was on the phone, cursing and yelling, his eyes were wild and I sensed immediately he was overdue for a hit of his drug of choice for the day." Her voice shakes slightly, but otherwise she's a fortress, stronger than I'll ever be.
"I had started to feel numb around him. The hate was always there, and the resentment, but it was as if it they were limbs, always with me but they didn't alter how I was day to day. But that night was the first time I had felt true fear in months."
"As soon as I knew it was only us, and his most trusted companions, alone on that huge piece of land, my heart sank and then raced too fast. For a moment, it crossed my mind that this could be the night he would kill me. A large group of alibis were just a few minutes walk away and they would cover up anything he did." Sansa scoffs
"I didn't know if I should feel relief or more terror at the fact he was not only stressed and trying to keep his head on his shoulders, but on top of all of that, he was going through early withdrawals. I clearly remember being surprised he let his personal stash at home run out."
Sansa closes her eyes as if she's standing back in the room with him all that time ago. "I can see him in front of me still. The moment Joff registered I arrived, he hung up and threw his phone down as his face turned from simple irritation and rage to disgust."
"He stomped over and gripped my arms so hard I could almost feel the bruises appearing as he cursed and scolded me like a child for being late. Never asking why, not caring either, it was just a reason to be mad at me. Not that he needed one." A pained smile tugs at Sansa's mouth.
"He switched quickly and told me how desperate he was for a release that I would have to do for the night. I was so distracted and concentrated on not throwing up everywhere, because I knew that might be the straw that finally broke him and then he would therefore break me, I wasn't paying attention and I didn't see him reach for his best friend and favorite "tool"as he called it. Pocket Killer, was the nickname for Joff's illegal, sick, take on a Swiss Army knife."
"He used it for anything and everything, another way to make my skin crawl, keep me on edge and at his mercy. He would cut fruit with it, clean his nails and even skin animals he caught and killed while hunting, all in front of me." Sansa cringes.
"I didn't know what was going on until I heard the first tear of my shirt. Joff had b-bent me over and was too lazy to even remove my clothing, that's what he said at least, I think he just liked a half assed excuse to put a knife that close to me."
"It wasn't the first time he had cut my clothes off, but between whatever he was going through and the need to quell his addiction, he wasn't paying attention. Or, worse, maybe he was. Maybe the lack of drugs in his system allowed him to really see what he was doing." Sansa gulps and squeezes my hand so tight it almost hurts.
"I guess I'll never know why he cut me so badly. Instead of just taking half of my shirt off, he also dug the short, sharp blade deep into my skin. It was so fast and sudden that I almost immediately went into shock. I did feel pain, searing, blinding pain for a few moments but by the time Joff realized exactly how bad he had stabbed me, I was already having an out of body experience."
"I remember him jumping away from me so fast, completely horrified and outraged that I dare bleed on his bed covers. He told me that he was going out for a while and I better be cleaned up and patched up by the time he returned." Sansa shakes her head.
"I didn't move, not even when I heard Joffrey on the phone, screaming at his maid to get over here and fix this mess, immediately. As soon as his car was driving over the gravel, screeching and speeding away I finally stood up and saw, for the first time what he had done to me." Shaky breaths leave her mouth and I vibrate with need to hold her.
"I couldn't really see the damage he had inflicted because where he stuck me was at an awkward angle. What I did see though, was blood, blood everywhere. It covered the tattered remains of my shirt, the jeans I still wore, his bed and even the floor were red. The shock put me on auto pilot and I somehow found anything and everything I had left there, which wasn't much, and I then grabbed a clean shirt of his and began applying pressure to my side."
"Everything else happened so fast it was a blur. Joffrey's staff were all good and kind people who are too terrified of him to ever report the goings on at that place of horrors. The maid however, did help me make sure I had all my belongings and got me out to my car so I could start the drive to the hospital. And that's when I finally told someone." A bit of lightness returns to Sansa's frame then.
"I called Jon, and he said later I sounded like a robot but there was no emotion left inside of me, Joffrey had sucked it all out. Anyway, I can still remember hearing Jon slamming his door, grabbing his keys and the feeling of being soothed by the purr of his engine as he began the almost day long trip to get to me."
"We hung up for a while so he could call the local authorities and have someone meet me at the emergency room. Jon then got in touch with my parents and Robb and they all came to me. Thankfully, Robb was playing in Sheffield and him and his fiancé, Talisa, reached me first."
"Luckily, Joff didn't really know what he was doing and where he stabbed me missed any organs or arteries. The area was full of blood vessels, plus he nicked a vein that's why the outpour of blood was so intense. I ended losing about five percent of my blood supply and needed transfusions and oxygen. Who knew how good shock could be, I didn't register how dire it was at the time." My throat constricts at the thought that I almost lost her. Before I even knew Sansa and she was able to make my life a better place to live. In that moment, I realize I won't rest until that cunt is dead.
"The nurses, doctors and police officers that saved and protected me, I swear they had halos and wings for how well they treated me and how safe I felt. "
"Before Robb could even get to me, the local authorities had found Joffrey in one of his many hotel penthouses that the family always has rented. He was unconscious, due to how much cocaine he'd been snorting, it covered the tables, his hookers and his face. They arrested him on the drug charges and when the cocaine was out of his system, they charged him for what he did to me."
It's as if Sansa had been in a trance and as soon as those words left her mouth she loosened the grip she had on my hand before meeting my eyes once again. Her own looked warmer and her shoulders seemed as if they cared a little less weight on them.
"It's an ongoing battle. I honestly don't know if it'll ever end, they obviously want to settle out of court but this has nothing to do with money. I want him to do time for what he did to me and I want him to hopefully be held accountable for other illegal and disgusting actions he's committed."
"And more than anything I want it to be public knowledge how he how he truly acts. I don't want another girl to go through what I did. My family and I are not giving up and the fact that he is on house arrest, cannot leave the estate, is subjected to random drug testing frequently and has a parole officer practically glued to his ass is a decent start." A grin tug at her mouth.
"The photographs that somehow got leaked to the press of him naked and halfway to overdosing in that hotel room is just a bonus." Sansa says with a raised eyebrow.
"Since then, it also seems as though I've empowered others to be honest, brave and to come forward. Did you see that headline about who Jamie really is? I doubt it will stop there, that family has many skeletons in their closet." I simply nod in response to her question, I don't think my voice can be trusted just yet.
Sansa is quiet for a few moments, her brow furrowed, seemingly lost in thought again.
"I've always been a writer. English was my best and favorite subject in school. I entered in competitions and was always looking over my friends' essays and homework to help them. I also already had some rough and final drafts of novels written prior to that hellish time in my life. But no matter how hard I tried to finish the incomplete ones or push for the finished versions of others to be published, I couldn't do it."
"The story of what I went through demanded to be written and shared. I warred with myself about it, not for long though. I quickly realized how much time I had lost and wasted on him and his family and I refused to let them own another moment in my life."
After a big sigh and small smile she continues. "And now here we are. I've grown and learned from what happened and I'm becoming who I am truly meant to be. I don't always like the fact that he helped bring my dream career to fruition but I can't bring myself to regret it either. I wouldn't have the life that I do and I would have never met you." There's the blush I love so much.
I finally cave, standing up and wrapping my arms around Sansa's body, she holds me back. "You're so godsdamn brave little bird. And strong."
I pull away enough to look into her eyes.
"Thank you for telling me."
"Thank you for being someone I could tell." She smiles at up me but it crumbles quickly and tears suddenly fill her blue eyes. "I don't know about being brave. That would've been leaving him as soon as the abuse began, not being weak and afraid, allowing him to treat me like that for so long." Sansa tells me through her soft crying.
I grasp her chin gently with my fingers, and wait until she picks her head up again before speaking. "I know my words can't fix what's been done or instantly make you see what I do. But that means I'll just have to tell you, all the bloody time. You are here, fighting for yourself and others. You survived that piece of trash and you're in front of me, full of life and light. You've made my life a happier place, no easy task that was, and you were open to me from the moment we met. You suffered at the hands of a coward, a shit excuse for a human and you did not deserve any of it." Sansa's tears have stopped flowing but her perfect pink bottom lip is still pouting.
"You did not let your past break you or change who you are and that Sansa, is strength." I finish firmly.
She studies my face for a few seconds and her own morphs from slight leftover sadness to heat quickly. And then Sansa is grabbing my neck and pulling me down into a long, sensual kiss full of tongues and lust.
I wasn't expecting this at all, let alone for it to be so fucking hot but I reciprocate her eagerness immediately. The hand on her chin weaves into her auburn hair, bringing her impossibly closer to me and tilting her head so I can deepen our kiss further.
We stay pressed flush against one another, our kiss just a tangle of tongues for a long time. It still feels as if it's over too soon however, when Sansa slowly pulls back to kiss the scarred side of my face and flash me a real little bird grin.
"Shall we order some pizza?" She asks? Her voice rough and low and sexy.
I must look like an idiot, staring at her a beat too long with my mouth open, barely understanding her question. "Uh, yeah, sure." Her responding giggle confirms my fool status.
Sansa moves to my couch with my iPad while I get us a refill. For such a slim woman she sure can eat, which I fucking love. I add my favorite to our order and then she takes over, doing the same and even adding in extra sides.
I know she wanted to pay because of our elevator meal but I was hoping to one up her, she never needs to pay me back for a damn thing. Sansa is too quick and smart for me and before I know it, the order is complete, paid for and being prepared.
"You didn't need to do that little bird."
"And you know what I'm going to say Sandor." She quirks back cheekily.
"Then next time is on me."
"This could go on forever." She smiles, bright.
"Sounds good to me."
I hardly realize what I'm doing, it's like instinct when I lean toward where Sansa is next to me in the sofa and kiss her again. When I break our embrace, she's having none of it and climbs onto my lap, straddling me.
"Is this okay?" Sansa asks quietly, her hands tangling in my hair.
"Fuck yes." I growl against her lips a millisecond before kissing her hard.
My response pulls a moan from Sansa and I tighten the grip on her waist with one hand and stroke her cheek with the other that's cradling her face.
When Sansa nibbles and sucks on my bottom lip I press her down on my crotch and I know she can feel what she's doing to me when a shocked, aroused breath escapes her.
Sansa recovers quickly, circling her hips over the bulge in my jeans and sucking on my tongue making me groan, long and low. I can feel her smile against my mouth. Minx.
I run my fingertips along her waist and hips until I reach her ass, grabbing it almost roughly, I bring her down onto me harder as I push up. Rubbing my erection over her hot core, causing Sansa to rip her mouth from mine to moan loudly. I repeat the motion a few times and then trail said hand away from her rear, back up and this time under her sweater.
As soon as I touch bare skin, I pause, allowing Sansa to stop me. She does the opposite, leaning into my touch and kissing me again, her tongue finding my own as her nails scratch my scalp, making me shudder.
I caress the softness of Sansa's taut belly, trace the length of her delicate spine and finally end mapping her torso, just under her bra. We're both panting at this point and in that moment, I've never been harder or wanted someone so fucking much in my entire life.
And then my intercom rings. The food is here. Ah, fuck.
We both jump apart at the sound, pressing our foreheads together and laughing. Sansa gives me another soft kiss before standing up on shaky legs.
Her gaze lands on my crotch and her eyes widen as she licks her lips. How I resist throwing her over my shoulder and taking her to bed is beyond me.
"I, um, better go get dinner." She says.
Obviously, we both know why but since she's still staring I look down too. Yup, even in boxers and jeans my cock looks threatening when I'm this hard. I hope it doesn't scared her away. I'd never fucking hurt her.
I have to clear my throat to make words even possible, and my voice is still like gravel. "Yeah, thanks, sorry."
My apology brings Sansa back to the present and she looks at my face again. "Oh gods no, don't be." She bits that damn lip and smiles at me and then she's slipping on her shoes, grabbing her keys and slipping out the door.
Throwing my head back against the couch, I take deep breaths and think about Bronn in the shower. I'm able to calm my raging hard on by at least half and I know in Sansa's company that's as good as it'll get.
I busy myself getting plates and napkins and Sansa returns before I can make my way back to the coffee table. She's laden down with boxes and bags and I feel like shit for making her go alone.
I must've made a face because she's putting me in my place before I even speak. "Stop that, I'm fine!" Her fake angry glare holds no heat and her dazzling smile stops my heart.
"Alright, alright." I throw my hands up in mock surrender as I cross the kitchen to take everything from her.
"Want to eat in the living room?" I ask, hoping she'll say yes. I want to be close to her again and in the spot where we were entwined just minutes ago.
"Sounds good." Sansa replies from where shes picking up the items I had forgotten for us in the kitchen.
We spread our meal out on the table and even I couldn't finish it all. "We could feed an army." I laugh.
Sansa chuckles too. "Or be greedy and have leftovers."
I turn the television on to some reality show that neither of us really watches, and we eat and chat happily. These simple moments with Sansa feel life changing and blissful.
Once we eat our fill of pizza and fried goods and somehow squeeze in the free ice cream they gave us I know I want to be honest with Sansa as well.
We clear our mess in silence and once we're back on the sofa with the remainder of our wine I decide it's time. I've never told anyone this quickly about my past and my stomach is churning my dinner around with nerves.
"Sansa."
She looks away from the television and her soft smile fades when she takes in my expression. "What's wrong?" Concern etches itself onto her features.
"I want to be honest with you as well. I don't want to come across as if I'm overshadowing what you told me. I don't take it lightly that you opened up to me but I feel like I need to be just as transparent with you. I want to be." Tonight may as well be "talk about your past" evening."
Sansa's eyes lose some worry and soften, as she mimics my earlier action and holds one of my large calloused hands with both of her delicate ones. "If you're ready for that, then I'm here for you." She tells me honestly.
That simple touch makes me feel stronger than I ever have. I suck in a breath and get on with it.
"My brother, Greg, was five years older than me and was always mean. I learned at a young age to avoid him whenever possible. Not easy when he's your bloody family." I scoff at how ridiculous my shit life is sounding already.
"I had a little sister too, Eleanor. I loved her so fucking much and worried about her every second of everyday, knowing Greg couldn't be trusted." The rage is still there, just under the surface and I don't think it will ever fully leave me.
"It was the beginning of February, the days short and the nights long and cold. I would be six in a few short months meaning I was bored out of mind not being allowed outside much due to the weather." My heart starts picking up pace.
"I had left anything Greg had been given for Christmas alone for well over a month, even though he hadn't been interested in any of his gifts at all. But that night, while he went out against our mother's orders, I picked up an action figure he had opened and promptly threw under an end table in the living room. It was dusty and never used and I was excited." I still feel stupid to this day and wonder what could've been if I had left it be.
"Greg came storming back in, our father had gone searching for him when mother began fretting. He saw me sitting there playing with his unwanted toy and his usually blank stare turned sinister." We both tighten our joined grasp.
"I don't know and will never know exactly why he did it. Maybe because he was unwell, crazy, was it the pure hatred he held for me, or hells, all of the above? Whatever it was snapped within him so fast no one could've reacted in time."
"In one fluid movement, Greg pushed the fireplace guard aside, chucked the toy away and then gripped the collar of my shirt and shoved my face into logs and flames." I swear I can still smell my burning flesh.
I hadn't realized my eyes were shut, lost in that horrific night until I hear Sansa make a strange sound. When I open them, I see tears falling down her cheeks and heartbreak and anger in her features.
"Sandor." She chokes out. "I'm so sorry. No one, especially a child should suffer through something so awful." She's full fledged crying now.
I hate pity but I know this runs deeper than that. She is feeling for me, on my behalf as I did for her. We reach for each other at the same moment and sit there, just hugging for several minutes.
Keeping an arm around her shoulders, I maneuver us so I can finish my depressing tale while keeping her close, we both need it. Resting my cheek on top of her head, her repeating her earlier grasp of both of her hands holding one of mine, I go on.
"My mom heard my screams and came running. My brother left the house and went on a long walkabout, avoiding the aftermath of what he'd done." I have to take a steadying breath, rage and hate threatening to consume me.
"I don't remember anything, not until almost a week later. The hospital kept me sedated which made the initial operations and efforts to keep infection away easier." Thank fuck our local hospital had a good burn unit, they were able to do much more than most places would've back then.
"The skin grafts took months. I had to be fully stable for those procedures and it was touch and go several times in the beginning, I was so young. I wasn't allowed to go home at all and only my parents were able to visit for weeks when I was in quarantine." I forget how hard this part is and I feel emotion trying to claw at my throat.
"The severity of my condition and the measures it took to save my life and then try and fix my face are what kept me alive, in the end." I see confusion cross Sansa's face, poking out through her steady stream of tears.
"My house burnt down while I was living on the burn ward. My mother, father and sister were all inside, dead from smoke inhalation and Greg was found on the lawn. He died of a heart attack from the smoke but had inhaled slightly less, that's why he made it out."
"The worst part of all of it was the fact my father covered up what happened to me, practically allowing that to then occur. An officer on the case told me our living room rug had caught fire while I played on it and that's how I was burnt. I was a child, a terrified child who played along." Sansa had sucked in a shocked breath at my admission of what one of my parents had done. I don't blame my mother, she had to protect Eleanor.
"That same Officer came to tell me what had happened to them all. And to give me the heads up as to how they believed the fire had started. Arson." Sansa nuzzles deeper into my side.
"I was distraught and lost for years. I was so relieved and happy Greg was gone forever but I mourned the rest of my family. Even my father." I still miss them.
"My godfather, Raymond, was a bachelor up until recently and became my guardian immediately, he was the only family I had left. Raymond and my mother were best friends their entire lives. He won't confirm nor deny he loved her as more than that but she chose another man." If only she hadn't...
"Anyway, I went to live with him in Liverpool, once I was fully recovered, and had the best life possible after what I had endured."
We sit quietly for a couple of minutes, letting my words soak into us both. Sansa moves to face me before speaking.
"Where's Raymond now?"
"The old man is finally married and living by the ocean in Brighton. His wife is a nice lady called Mary and the two of them travel as much as possible, making memories they tell me." I smile, thinking of two of my favorite people.
"That's lovely. Maybe I can meet them one day?" Sansa seems insecure about her request.
"Aye, I'd like that. So would they." I reassure her.
Cupping my ruined cheek, Sansa leans in to me. "Thank you for telling me."
"Thank you for being someone I could tell." I repeat her words from earlier.
"You're strong too, and so so brave." Sansa says and I scoff but stop any further protests at her hard glare.
"Sandor you truly are. You could've gone down many paths, horrible ones after what you suffered but you didn't. You're a successful businessman who helps others. And no matter how hard you'll deny it, you're kind and good. I told you already, I can read people very well now and you're one of the best I've ever met. I count myself lucky to have gotten stuck in an elevator with you." She tells me, proud and defiant. I can't even fight what's she said, hells, I almost believe her.
Instead, I close the gap between us for a kiss full of affection and appreciation. I need Sansa to know how much she means to me, even if I'm too mentally drained to find the words tonight.
We finish off our wine over talk about her week of preparations for Arya's arrival. The irritation is still lingering but Sansa is slowly becoming excited as well, she's missed her sister.
After deciding to have coffee in the morning, with her somehow forgotten lemon cookies, since we both have not only a busy day ahead, but an entire week, I walk Sansa home.
"Tonight was one of the best nights I've had in a long time." She tells me when we reach her flat.
I raise an eyebrow at her admission.
Sansa rolls her eyes and laughs. "I know it wasn't conventionally perfect but it was needed and meaningful. That's a good time to me."
I step towards where she's leaning against her closed door and rest one hand above her on the wood and hold her face with the other. "It is for me as well little bird." I tell her before pressing my mouth to hers.
Sansa responds immediately, popping up on her toes to meet my eager kiss, her hands grab fistfuls of my shirt to hold me close. Our bodies flush against one another, our lips and tongues licking, kissing, sucking and biting through harsh breaths is almost too much.
I have to force myself to slow down and painfully break away from her.
"Good night little bird." I murmur against her swollen lips.
"Good night Sandor." Sansa's breath becomes my own.
And one day, I hope all of her will be mine.