Title:
The boy that forgot to die
Author:
evil minded
Date:
November, 24th 2011
Timeframe:
Second year at Hogwarts
Summary:
AU / Harry Potter comes back for his second year at Hogwarts, but something is not the way it should be, and Severus Snape seems the only one able to help the boy that forgot to die … will he manage to really help the Gryffindor before it is too late?
Disclaimer:
I don't really care about Lockhart, Quirrel or Umbridge, nor about most of the other characters in HP … I, however, would like to own one particular Severus Snape – regrettably I do not, Rowling does … but well – I'm borrowing him for a while … just to torture him a bit … I am evil minded after all …
Rating:
M – Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16
Author's Notes:
Uhm … alright … I have to admit … English is not my language by birth … so … please do not kill me while reading … neither for the – perhaps – sad language, nor for the subject of my writing …
Also, this is a story written for NaNo, a story written within thirty days only and even though I go over the chapters before uploading them – I do apologize if it might not have the same quality at one point or another than those stories of mine you are used to by now … thank you …
Warning:
Story contains bad language and swearing.
Don't ever use such, it's neither good manners nor proper use of language and never mind how 'cool' it might sound, it surely isn't a sign of intelligence. It won't get you anywhere and people will think less of you if you are unable articulating properly.
Story contains references to child neglect.
Child neglect is a really, really serious thing, and there are a lot of children in our world that are neglected, children that lack food, clothing, often love, and perhaps even a roof over their head – and closing our eyes, and pretending it does not exist – is no solution …
Story contains references to child abuse.
Child abuse is one of the most evil things, and there are a lot of children in our world that really would need help but have to live without hope – and again, closing our eyes and pretending it does not exist – is no solution … instead show sympathy, and understanding … and handle people, children as well as adults, which are showing any signs – whichever – of once having been abused … with understanding and with help …
What does not mean I am not as evil as I pretend to be … ^.~ … believe me – I am …
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
Previously in "The boy that forgot to die"
"Will you be a Snape at the end of it or a Potter still?" Draco then asked, frowning at him and for a moment he frowned back at the blond boy.
Not because it was Draco who asked such a personal question of him that would hold Ron's place, and it definitely was a personal question, but because – well, earlier he had been totally sure about keeping his name, but now, after living with Snape for the last weeks and already feeling so close to the Professor, he wasn't sure any longer. He would be proud to be a Snape, and he feared he would never really feel as if he belonged to the man if he remained a Potter. On the other hand, he didn't know if he was allowed, if it would be alright for the Potions Master if he took his family name, he didn't want to take too much, didn't want to take anything that wasn't his. He had no right to get as far as …
"You have to tell him, Severus!" He heard McGonagall's voice and looking over at the head table he could see the Transfiguration Professor looking at the Potions Master in pure shock while the dark wizard only lifted his eyebrow at her in his typical Snape manner, a sight that actually was – kind of amusing, Snape looking at McGonagall like he always looked at them, the students.
The boy that forgot to die
Chapter twenty-four
Please, sir, I'm fine
Or he's the only one I trust
"You have to tell him, Severus!" Minerva called out, outraged, and he lifted his eyebrow at the transfiguration teacher.
"And pray tell, why would I do such a thing, Minerva?" Snape asked, getting off his chair before he turned and left the hall.
"Because Albus has to know about it!" The deputy headmistress said getting off her chair as well.
"I don't think so. Harry is my son and Dumbledore has no say in this!" Severus said, frowning by now and he waited until the older woman had caught up with him before they both left the great hall.
"'Till later!" Harry gasped, getting off the bench and racing towards the double winged doors of the entrance hall, not hearing the startled "wouldn't do that" Draco called after him, not even noticing that his feet barely touched the ground anymore while he – floated through the wall beside the doors and then reappeared in a corridor that was close to the kitchens, and he frowned. The kitchens were down there, below the great hall!
"I do not care, Minerva!" He heard his father's voice and the older wizard sounded angry. "Dumbledore won't play the same game with my son as he did with me, just because he is a Snape!"
Creeping closer he peered around the corner into the next corridor and could see his father standing there, with his back to him and facing the deputy headmistress.
"Severus, please." McGonagall sighed. "I ask you to not go openly against Albus. Just tell him about your plans for Harry and let it be then. If you keep this from Albus, he will take it that you went against him openly and he might do something to get you arrest- …"
"I suggest you come here, Harry." Snape's voice fell into McGonagall's words, the Potions Master not even turning around, and he couldn't help flinching startled. How had that man known that he was here? Merlin! He should have known! He'd never been able to keep something secret from Snape, even back last year, he was sure that Snape had known about them knowing about the philosopher's stone! They'd met him at every corner back then and he was sure that he'd been following them.
Slowly he straightened and stepped into the corridor the two teachers were standing in. Why did he have to have a teacher as his father? Merlin! Slowly he came closer to the man and then stopped at a few good arm lengths.
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
"I said come here, Harry." The Potions Master growled when his son stopped in considerable distance, his dark eyes piercing the clearly scared ghostlike form when the boy took a careful step closer and then another one. Frowning he lifted his hand to place it onto the child's shoulder so he could pull him closer, but barely a second later the child was two steps away, his arms lifted and his shoulders tense – and he, Snape, took a deep breath.
"Come here, I said." He growled deeply, not lowering his hand but simply turning it palm upwards to show – he didn't mean harm.
And slowly the boy again came one small step closer, another one and finally a third one, but his arms did not go down completely, were still held in front of his chest somehow so that he would be able bringing them up as soon as necessary to defend himself.
He knew that Harry still didn't trust him, not completely at least and he also knew that the child was scared of him still, never mind how often he had reassured the boy that he wouldn't hurt him – but he hadn't gotten such a bad reaction from the child for some time yet and he was more than just a bit worried.
Slowly he turned his hand to place it atop a bony shoulder, ignoring the ghost form flinching, and suppressing the sigh when his hand went through the ghost form.
"Harry." He quietly said, his dark eyes still on his son and he waited, watching how those particles reformed, and reformed, and again reformed, as if the child wasn't sure if he really should trust him, as if the child wasn't sure if he could allow him to touch his form in this particular situation, seeing that he had done something wrong, seeing that he, Snape seemed angry, seeing that he easily could be hurt.
But then the change of the translucency stopped and at the same time the boy averted his eyes, as if being ashamed of having been scared a moment ago and it was a small miracle that there was no quietly whispered "'m sorry" coming from the child.
Slowly he drew out the movement he had started a moment ago and placed his still outstretched hand onto the child's small and thin shoulder, pulling the small form of his son closer, relieved that he – in the end – could always touch him.
"I would not have hurt you." He quietly said, bending low to the child so that only he, but not Minerva could hear his whispered words.
"Mr. Potter!" The deputy headmistress at the same time chided, causing him to roll his eyes at his colleague. "Eavesdropping is extremely rude!"
"I know, Professor." The boy answered, quietly and not looking up at his former head of house. "But sometimes it might save your life as it's the only way to find out things that no one is telling you about." He then added and from the look at the blasted woman, she definitely seemed stunned, unable to give an adequate answer – and he had to admit that he was impressed. Years of teaching and ruling over the most unruly house of the school had made it nearly impossible to confuse, surprise or shock Minerva McGonagall. She had stared down all the Weasleys, the Potters and the Blacks of three generations and even the Malfoys or the Diggories and not even Snape could make her backing off easily.
But it seemed that Harry had managed that unheard of deed without really trying – because still Minerva McGonagall was simply looking at the boy before taking a deep breath and then shaking her head.
"It is nearly time for classes, Harry." He quietly said. "Go to the potions classroom, I will be there shortly."
"Sir?" Harry asked, looking up at him with large green eyes.
"We will talk later, when we are back from the ministry." He quietly said. "Go now, before you are too late and I have to deduce points from my own house."
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
He had taken a deep breath and then he had nodded his head with an "of course, Professor" before he had turned and gone along the corridor that would lead to that part of the dungeons where the potions classroom, Snape's office and their quarters were, all the while unsure about not only what Snape and McGonagall might have talked about, but about what to do concerning his name also.
Draco had asked if he would take the name Snape or if he would keep his own name, but honestly – he had never thought about that! He hadn't even known that he could chose! He had thought he would give his signature at the parchment and then he would be Snape's son again, officially, so no one could do anything against it, but that he still would be – Harry James Potter.
But now? Did he have a chance of changing his name? Really? And should he do so? What would the Potions Professor say if he …
Potions had been some kind of blur, he had to admit that.
He had managed to brew the potion flawlessly, yes, but even so he hadn't been able to banish those thoughts about his name completely and at the end of the class the Potions Master had called him back with an "a word please, Mr. Potter. Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Nott, wait outside please" and he took a deep breath, knowing that he was in trouble again, without knowing why.
Nervously he went to the front desk and the moment all students were out of the room, the man behind looked up from grading papers, looked up at him with those dark black eyes that always had held so much coldness, but held so much warmth lately whenever they were directed at him, that it was already startling.
As it seemed – as deeply as Snape could hate – as deeply he could love.
"Are you well?" His father then asked, caused him to take a deep breath.
"Will you ask this after each class?" He carefully asked back, unsure of how the Potions Master would take his words, if he'd think they were cheeky, but well, anything was better than having to admit that – no, he was not alright, that no – he was far from being alright actually.
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
"No." Severus put his quill down and glanced expectantly at Harry, waiting if maybe the boy would – for once – admit that he was not well. "No, I won't, but I will ask this question after those classes that you do not seem to pay attention in. So, what was wrong during class?"
"I was just a bit lost in thought … please, sir, I'm fine." The blasted brat assured him, at least he clearly hoped that he had assured him, but the boy radiated nervousness and worry.
But well, they would meet with Harvest soon and he knew – if anyone at child services would be able handling an overly worrying and nervous pre-teenage wrack, then it was Elsa Harvest. He would leave the boy alone for now, because he knew that most likely he would do more harm than good if he tried to calm him right now.
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
And now he was sitting in a small room that led to the office of Madam Hanson, nervously playing with the hem of his cloak and his limbs jerking every now and then, waiting for someone to come while the Potions Master was sitting beside him, calmly and ever so stoic, only laying a calming hand atop his knee from time to time when his jerking limbs seemed to move more violently than before.
How could Snape be so calm?
And how could he be so damn nervous?
And why wouldn't his limbs stop jerking!
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
Severus at the same time had a hard time keeping as calm as one Harry Potter was believing him to be at the present time, while he inwardly nearly died a thousands of deaths – because at the entrance he had been informed about Elsa Harvest being ill – because he was worried over the child that in a few moments hopefully would be his son again, rightfully and legally, without Dumbledore or anyone else being able to do anything against it – and while he still was worried how long he would have said child at his side, how long the child he was claiming rightfully today would live, if he even would survive the next few days.
Once more he placed his hand onto the child's knee when his arms came up in another jerking movement and he frowned, trying to think back to the past few weeks and to last year. Never before had he noticed the boy making such jerking movements and he didn't like them. Not because he was irritated by them, he was far beyond irritated at the present time, but because he was worried. Those jerking limbs made clear that the boy was not alright, that he was suffering so much emotional strain, he simply needed an outlet. And neither did he place his hand atop the boy's knee to keep him from making those movements, because he knew that this wouldn't be possible even, but to give him a sense of calmness, a sense of reality, to keep him on the ground and to show him – he wasn't alone.
"It will be alright, Harry." He said when the boy looked up at him with large green eyes.
"Mr. Potter." There was a call, and looking over at the door that had opened, he noticed Madam Hanson sticking her head out of the room. "If you would come, please."
The boy looked over at him, Snape, pleadingly, and he was about to get up from his chair as well, but the woman's voice, saying "Mr. Potter only", made clear that – he had to stay, and the boy had to go in there alone.
A moment later Harry had been gone, into the office, alone and reluctantly, looking back at him, Snape, more than once, and then the door was closed, while he, the darkest, coldest and toughest teacher existent on this earth was sitting there, inwardly dying with nervousness.
Taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his own nerves he remembered their conversation earlier in the morning, after potions.
Flashback
"If you are not absolutely sure about the adoption, you can still back out of it if you so wish." He barely was able to finish this particular sentence and he had to place his hands consciously atop the desk to keep them from running nervously over his face. "You do not have to …"
"I don't have second thoughts." The boy quietly said, looking at him shocked and he frowned. The boy had been so strange all morning, more scared than he had been lately, more unsure and doing things he wouldn't do normally – and it hadn't even gone better after he'd had breakfast and hot chocolate that normally lifted the child's mood and spirit. "How can you think that?"
"Normally you are not as inattentive in my class as you have been this morning." Severus said and eyed Harry closely. "Not after we have come to live together and surely not since you have found interest in Potions after all."
"I'm just nervous, that's all." The child said and he sighed. Of course, the child was nervous. As was he, Snape.
"Everything will be fine." He said, not really believing it, but smiling at the boy ghost. "Don't worry, child."
End flashback
'That blasted boy is more than just nervous!' He couldn't help thinking when he noticed the child looking back at him, scared, the small face paler than ever and the small form trembling – he would give anything if he could go in there together with his son, but he understood that Hanson needed to speak with the boy alone, without his presence and influence.
And then the door to the office was closed, and he sat alone, worrying and fretting over something that could chance his entire life.
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
When Harry went into the room and closed the door, he began shaking while his insides started to squirm with coldness, his lungs seemed to work double speed, and his heart worked louder than ever.
"Very well, Mr. Potter, I would like you to tell me why exactly you would want Professor Snape as your father." The woman said and he looked up, unsure of what her question meant. Snape was his father! Wasn't he? Why would she ask? They surely knew about Snape being his father?
"Because he … he is my father, ma'am?" He carefully asked, not sure what the Lady wanted of him.
"That surely is not a valid reason." Madam Hanson said and he frowned, thinking. If this was not a valid reason, Snape being his father, then what might be? What did she want of him? He didn't understand.
"I … I don't know what you want, ma'am." He quietly said. "I don't understand. This is a valid reason. I mean … I've never had a father, but now I have one and now … this is … I don't wanna lose this now … and …"
"You do know that Professor Snape is a Death Eater, Mr. Potter?" Madam Hanson asked and he frowned. "That he has been the cause for your parents' death? That he is a follower of that same dark wizard that has killed your parents? You do realize that he is a criminal?"
Of course, he knew that Snape once had been a dark wizard, he wasn't stupid after all and he could read – and think, by the way. He didn't know what exactly Hanson meant with a 'Death Eater', but he knew that Snape had been a spy, his father had told him. And he also knew that Snape was his father, so he couldn't be responsible for both his parents' deaths, because his father was still alive. He also knew that he had loved his mother, even back then when he had not remembered that they'd been married, so he was pretty sure that Snape wouldn't have done anything that would have killed his mother. And he also knew that Snape had not followed Voldemort but Dumbledore, just secretly in form of spying on Voldemort. He couldn't go out openly telling people that he was working against Voldemort, spying on him, he surely would have been killed by Voldemort, too, and then he wouldn't have a father now, then he still would have no one and …
"Don' care." He murmured. "Can't I just sign those papers? That's what I'm here for an'way, innit?." He asked, feeling close to crying. Surely that Lady would not forbid him to live with his father? Surely that Lady would not separate them? Where would he go? He would have to go back to the Dursleys then and he would have to … he couldn't do that! "I want this." He quietly said. "Please, he's the only one I trust and … I just want this …"
"Very well, Mr. Snape – if this really is what you want – I couldn't change it without an official inquiry anyway." The Lady said and he quickly took the quill from the table and then signed the papers that lay there in front of him suddenly, without thinking, without considering what name he should use but using the one that came – and with the help of Madam Hanson as she had pronounced the 'Mr. Snape' so well – to his mind, with Harry Snape, his only wish that he could leave soon now.
"I hope you do realize, Mr. Snape, that you just have officially become the son of a criminal that has done terrible things." The woman asked and he took a deep breath. Why couldn't she just stop and let him go? He didn't care about what Snape had done and he wasn't even sure if it was true to begin with, this Lady had lied to him a moment ago after all, when she'd said that his father had been the reason for his parents' deaths and that he was a Death Eater and a follower to Voldemort. He knew that this wasn't true, that he was a spy. They'd talked about that after all!
And so, he didn't give an answer just tried to not listen as good as possible while his shoulders threatened to burst with the strain he felt in them. He tried to loosen them, tried to think of his room at home, with the fire and the soft carpet where he could lay on, in front of the fire, especially now when it got colder outside, he tried to ignore the pain in his tense shoulders and back that became worse and worse and he tried to keep his breathing as even as possible, his fingers from shaking – but only when a hand was placed on his neck did he relax a bit. It was as if this particular hand was his anchor to reality, and looking up Harry could see his now officially new father standing there suddenly – and the always so calm face of his father calmed him down completely while the dark black eyes that could look so cold and harsh went soft for a short moment before they were back into a blazing cold fire when the older wizard looked up at the Lady.
Breåk· … ·~†~*~*~*~*~*~†~· … ·Łine
To be continued
Next time in "The boy that forgot to die"
I wanted to make you and the boy happy
Added author's note
thank you for reading - and yes, I would be glad if you took the time to review this chapter, thank you
also, like in the past, I have installed the house cup – with each review, please state your house, so that your house can get points. There won't be loss of points, only gains … may the best house with the most reviews win …
Please also note that I have done a 'go over' concerning the house points as I have lost track over the years. I have them now saved in a chart where I can keep them easily updated – I have also installed a new category: Hogwarts, as one reader or another (Jostanos, just for example) prefers to review for Hogwarts itself instead of one of her houses … and who knows, perhaps one day a reader might come from another wizarding school to add their review … thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing …
House Cup:
At the present time it looks like this:
Slytherin 59
Gryffindor 32
Ravenclaw 25
Hufflepuff 07
Hogwarts 18