SIRENS FLASHING* NEW CHAPTER!!
Heeey there! *covers face*
I'm aliiiive, for those of you who read my other SanSan fic you know this already haha. Anyways...this took forever huh? I hope you're still here for SanSan's modern love story.
And I really hope you are all well, what a scary, crazy year!
Warning for this chapter!
Joffrey is, well, himself in this chapter. It's kinda twisted, especially for how fluffy my fics are but the scene wrote itself.
I'll be honest, I am so so nervous to have you all read this chapter. I have struggled with it from the minute it popped into my head and literally the first draft was completed so quickly I swear Sansa did the writing her self. It's going to continue to be a tad bumpy in the next couple of chapters and it's definitely a meatier part of the story but we will get back to the fluffy and lemony parts soon. Stick with me!
I've been thinking of you all and miss you so much. Let me know if the come back was worth the wait. More to come!
All my love, stay safe ️
--
"Sansa." The smallest Lannister breathes, still sounding shocked.
When I turn my head to check on her, Sansa is frozen, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights or as if she's just been slapped across the face. I suspect it feels like a bit of both.
"What are you doing here?" She demands abruptly.
In that moment I don't know what surprises me more.
Sansa dropping the curtsies and manners to instead be honest and express her emotions. A rarity for her.
Or seeing the imp in person for the first time in my life.
Before this moment, I've only read about him on the Internet, either when the gossip rags would try and cover a story on him, until they figured out he was too normal and boring.
He was pretty much disowned at birth even though he was mixed in with his family up until a couple of years ago. Once he cut himself off, even changing his last name to that of his mother's maiden of Peters, he definitely held no interest for cheesy magazines and online websites.
Where I usually see him now is spread across business articles and the like that I am also a part of. Seeing as he's a lawyer in the industry and, I hate to say it, he's a damn good one who seems to reside on the right side of the law.
The half man at least looks slightly embarrassed or ashamed, but before he can answer her, something catches Sansa's eye. When I see what she's looking at, it all clicks into place.
Tyrion has a swipe card in his hand with Gendry's company logo on it, one just like Sansa's. This obviously grants access to the large glass rooms behind Everly.
"W-why do you have...? And why didn't he tell...?" Sansa starts stuttering questions, she's looking less like a deer and instead like a cornered wolf. She's upset but there's anger building there too.
Tyrion is taken aback by her reaction, everyone's used to demure, always there to please, Sansa Stark. He must not be used to this new side of her but she's told me she tries hard to bring it out of herself when necessary.
"Sansa, please let me explain." He says, hands raised in surrender.
He waits for her to give him an almost nonexistent nod before continuing.
"Please don't be upset with Gendry, I swore him to secrecy about this. I'm not proud of it, but I played the lawyer card, he can't discuss someone's employment with other staff.
Sansa sucks in a sharp breath. "So you are working here? You got the head legal position." She ends with a statement not a question
Tyrion nods. "I did. This isn't even my first day, I just came by to sign some papers. Gendry wanted to tell you right away but it was something I had to do myself." He looks at her pleadingly. "I wrote you, I told you everything that needed to be said. Someone here was going to make sure you got the letter so you didn't feel like you even had to acknowledge me."
One million emotions have passed over Sansa's face in the couple of minutes we've been standing here with him. Fright, anger, confusion and now she simply looks exhausted.
I don't know what I can do to help, so I have been running my thumb along the back of her hand since we spotted the man from her past. I don't think it registered that I was even standing here until now though. Not in a way as if I was being ignored. It almost felt like I had stumbled upon them in the midst of a private discussion.
Sansa finally feels my touch, looking up at me a second before her face falls. "I'm sorry." She says, placing her free hand on my chest.
I cover it with with my own and give her a squeeze. "You have nothing to apologize for little bird." I tell her almost sternly, holding her gaze.
And it happens again. We become lost in one another even with our company only mere feet away. Sansa breaks out of the spell first, turning back to Tyrion but not removing either hand from my body.
"Excuse my lapse in manners. Tyrion, I'd like for you to meet Sandor Clegane, my boyfriend."
When she turns her attention back to the peanut gallery I do as well. I find him taking in Sansa and I, standing against one another, fingers intertwined and then he follows our bodies up to where our hands rest almost over my heart.
He looks as if he wants to flinch, disappointment and something big, green and ugly, an emotion I wasn't used to but was starting to feel quite often recently about the same beautiful woman, burning behind his eyes.
Once Sansa introduces us, I slip my hand from hers, where it's still resting on my pec, and extend it to the shorter man in front of me. It's at this point he tilts his skull back, it almost touches his spine, just to see the top of my own head and to take in my face. It gives me the slightest bit of satisfaction. Okay fine, maybe a bit more.
Tyrion's eyes only linger on my right cheek for a beat too long. He doesn't break eye contact though and gives me a firm shake.
"Good to meet you." He tells me.
I nod back to him. "Aye, you as well."
Once we've let go of our handshake, he continues to talk to me.
"You're business partners with Bronn Blackwater, you both own Kingsguard Security?" He asks.
Shit, I'm surprised he knows who the hell I am. "That's right."
He raises an eyebrow looking impressed. "I've met your business partner a few times over the years, he's a good man. And I've followed your business a bit since you both moved to the city, it seems as though you're flourishing. Congratulations."
"Thank you." I respond.
Despite the situation, the look on Sansa's face makes me want to laugh. It's as if she's watching aliens have a conversation.
She speaks up as soon as we are quiet long enough for her to do so.
"Well, we were just leaving." Sansa announces, already trying to take a step towards the lifts. Only now does her hand slowly fall down my stomach until it's by her side again.
"Wait, please." Tyrion says, his gaze tracking the movement down my body. I'm surprised he hasn't literally turned jade. It looks as if he wants to reach out to her but he flicks his eyes to me and clenches his fists instead.
"I truly do want to explain everything. Can I email or call you?"
Sansa just watches him for a few seconds before taking another deep breath and digging in her purse until she pulls out a small card.
"My email address is on there." She tells him curtly.
Tyrion looks relieved as he takes the small peace offering and slips it into his jacket pocket.
"Thank you and I'm sorry we had to run into each other like this."
"Good night." Is the only response that Sansa gives him.
"Yes, good night to you both." He bids us farewell as he walks in the direction we had just come from.
As soon as the elevator doors close Sansa sags into me, her forehead resting on my upper arm.
"Little bird, are you all right?" I ask as my free hand rubs along her back.
Sansa doesn't say a word and the only answer is a nod of the affirmative.
"Did you want to go home? We can rain check dinner." Her head snaps up at that.
"No, I want to go. I've been looking forward to going out with you all day. And we have my book to celebrate. That family is not taking away from my life anymore." The fire in her eyes has me agreeing instantly.
We catch an Uber to the restaurant and Sansa is silent until we're seated, next to one another in a booth and our bottle of wine has arrived.
I didn't want to prod her but just as I was about to beg her on my bloody knees to at least let me know she's alright, Sansa thankfully speaks first.
"Tyrion is a good man." She states, quietly. I only nod in acknowledgment, knowing she's far from finished."It's just...the way I acted and how I treated him, well, it didn't come off as though he is." She peeks over at me, meeting my eyes for the first time since we left her building.
"You can act however the hells you want. And if you say he is then I believe you." I respond.
Sansa gives me a tight, brief smile before continuing. I'm not sure if it's adrenaline, the fact we're in public and how that perhaps makes it easier for Sansa to keep her emotions in check, or if it's simply word vomit, but she lays her entire history with the imp bare on the table for me.
"Tyrion tried to save me." She admits, sounding small. All I want is to hug her but she's holding her own. I do reach out and hold her small hand in my larger one.
The waiter comes to take our orders before either of us can say another word. When he leaves, our glasses thankfully full again Sansa picks up where she left off.
"He was always good to me. We were both the doormats of his family." She laughs and rolls her eyes.
"I wasn't even a full member but I guess that's part of being weak, or who they deem to be weak." I try not to interject and somehow end up being able to remain quiet. Instead, I keep Sansa's hand in mine. The way she grips me tells me it was a good decision.
Sansa begins with some background on the small man. Tyrion was never around much. He wanted to be, to be included, loved, but he knew he wasn't. He educated himself, worked hard and visited when he had the strength. I know about terrible families, or family members, and that no matter how shit they truly are, you still want to be a part of them.
Since his presence was sporadic, he didn't see the changes in Joffrey and Sansa's relationship. I find myself wishing he had noticed.
"If he had, I think everything would've been different." Sansa closes her eyes for a few moments, collecting herself.
"I tried to be as kind to Ty as possible, without being noticed. The Lannister's looked for any way to be cruel to him and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. If Joffrey knew that I had found somewhat of a friend in his uncle, it would've been ugly for both of us." She shakes her head at the incredulous ways of those shits.
"It helped to have someone to talk to, for that person to know first hand how they all were, even if specifics were never discussed. But to be in the Lannister space and to spend time with someone that actually cared if I lived or died, it made me keep going, keep living." Her words are a blow straight to my heart. She was so alone and scared. I want to kill them all.
"Last time I saw Tyrion was when he completely disowned the family, on his terms." Sansa closes her eyes and slows her breathing.
Sansa recounts how she had been with Cersei that day, doing gods knows what. But she was never as cold as her son so Sansa was glad when it dragged into the evening. She tells me she can still see Joff's bungalow when she closes her eyes. She even remembers there were hardly any lights on and it was eerily quiet by the time she got there.
Sansa grips my hand harder.
"My stomach is churning right now telling you this." She swallows hard. "When I made it inside, I almost collapsed at what I saw. It was the second worst confirmation I ever got of how sick and corrupt Joffrey truly was." Bile is rising in my own throat and she hasn't even said anything yet.
"His two bodyguards were simultaneously holding Tyrion up and beating him bloody. I could hear the drivel pouring from Joffrey's mouth as he sat in his oversized, ugly chair that he called a throne." Sansa looks like she's going to gag.
Sansa explains Joffrey did not need a real reason to hurt his uncle nor her. Tyrion literally could've breathed and he would've still beat the shit out of the half man. She said she contemplated trying to escape but wouldn't have even if it had been possible. The cunt had heard her entrance regardless and leaving would have made her own punishment worse. She also couldn't leave the imp.
That damned heart of hers.
Sansa is gritting her teeth as she recounts the shit Joffrey told her, about why he simply had to do it. The waste of oxygen was doing his job for the family and keeping everyone in line. Besides himself...
"I knew I couldn't cry, couldn't react at all, that it would be worse for us both but when I looked at Tyrion and our gazes locked..." Sansa stops to catch her breath, "it was almost impossible. I could see his face whenever I closed my eyes for months."
Sansa continues quietly, it sounds almost rehearsed. I'm sure she has gone over this with authorities, family and her therapist many times. Too many times.
Joff only left the Imp alone to grope and kiss Sansa obscenely before he sat once again in his throne and explained to the room that what he was doing was a necessity. How lucky they were to have him.
"I don't really remember exactly what he said. If I had listened that intently to his blabbering nonsense I might've snapped. And then he went silent after that for a while, like he was just taking it all in." I feel Sansa shudder, as if she's back in that room.
"I wondered if it was my turn. Would he let his uncle go and use the rest of his energy on me? A part of me hoped so. No one knew what I suffered, not in detail not even his mother and grandfather. Let alone Tyrion. He knew I deserved better and told me that all the time but I had become so good at covering my tracks, that until this trip he hadn't suspected anything worse than the fact I dated an asshole."
Sansa is lost in the story, I feel as if I'm not here but I'm her thoughts with her. But the torment behind her eyes let's me know that she is still grounded, she knows it's only a memory, albeit a horrible one.
"And then Joffrey snapped his fingers and his two servants were standing by his side in an instant, leaving Tyrion on the ground. I knew something was coming, my heart started racing immediately. When he spoke next, he changed his tone and pretended to feel sorry for his uncle. Saying that Tyrion has never been and will never be wanted by a woman he doesn't pay for. Joffrey thought it was so depressing and pathetic that he will never look like his nephew, that he will never have females flocking after him just for who he is. And then Joff turned to me."
Sansa seems embarrassed now as she goes on. She tells me Joff made a snide remark about how boring and inexperienced she was in bed (que anger resembling the Beast to spark inside me) but that no one could deny her beauty. He gloated that everyone thought he was so lucky to have the eldest Stark girl on his arm. Even if he didn't agree. Joffrey then looked between Sansa and Tyrion before telling the room he had figured out the worst possible torture he could ever inflict on his uncle, to truly make sure he learned his lesson.
I swallow the bile that's continually rising in my throat.
Sansa is picking at her napkin, looking worried and uncomfortable. It's almost enough for me to tell her to stop, that she doesn't owe me a damn thing. Especially not an explanation or a retelling of the worst times in her life. Somehow I bite my tongue and remain strong for her, she will stop when she is ready.
"Apparently the "lesson" was for trying to give Joffrey some business advice. Ty was going to attempt to help him with a lot of his problems. Like the money he owed to shady people and the hot water he was in. Instead of listening, Joffrey got pissed. He didn't want to be told what to do even if it would save him."
"Joffrey then said nothing could be worse than having a taste of what you've wanted, what you've craved and desired for so long, only to never have it again. He said to Tyrion that no one had missed the way he stared at me. He cackled as he told him how pathetic the imp was to long after what was his nephew's."
Sansa finally looks at me like she sees me again. And begs me with her eyes for something, I'm not sure what yet.
"I hadn't seen it though. It wasn't until after that night I even knew it was the truth and could think back on Joffrey's accusations." I nod, knowing now she wants me to understand, not to get upset. And I do understand as much as anyone can in this circumstance. As for being upset...I'm not mad or irritated or bloody anything else remotely negative towards her. But I have never felt hate this hot and all consuming. Not even for my brother. Not like I do for Joffrey fucking Lannister.
She studies my face before continuing.
"Joffrey laid out his plan for us. He told me to go and help Tyrion off the ground...and kiss him."
Sansa looks beyond embarrassed now. Not just about the kiss, but I suppose at having to tell me how disgusting Joffrey is. She should feel nothing of the sort. She didn't ask for any of this. I can tell she isn't finished so I don't interrupt her but I make sure to make note to tell her later.
I can hardly hear her now, she's speaking so softly. "And I did. I offered my hand to him and pulled him off the ground before wiping some of the blood off of his face. I even risked everything for us by quietly asking if he was alright. I knew he wasn't fully fine but he knew what I meant, if his health had been in real danger I would've taken the fall for us both and let him escape. But he just held my hands and nodded."
"There was no more stalling I could come up with, not as Joff screamed at us to hurry up. So, I knelt down to be closer to Tyrion and I kissed him." She practically spits out, as if the words could physically hurt her. "I'm sorry that I have to tell you this and that it happened. But after your meeting him I want to be honest. I wanted to be transparent before today, truthfully." Sansa rambles.
"Stop." I tell her firmly. "You have nothing to apologize for. What were you supposed to do in that moment? You knew how far that cunt was willing to take his power trips." I tell her.
She just looks at me, blinking, her mouth slightly open. I let her steep in my nonjudgmental and completely honest response so she can decide if she wants to finish the story or end it there. I'm glad that she goes with the former. I want her to be able to be open with me at all times about everything. I need to grow a pair and do the same.
Sansa blinks her watery eyes a few times and continues. "Well, you can guess that wasn't enough for him. He told us to keep going until he said otherwise. I don't know how long it went on, I only remember just being grateful that we were both alive at that point. And then I felt bad and so guilty because of the kiss. I could tell already that what Joffrey said about Tyrion was true, he did have feelings for me, of some sort." She finishes with a cringe.
"I had never kissed anyone else besides Harry years before as just a teen, a couple of other ones on nights out that meant nothing and then Joffrey in the beginning of our relationship. And I remember, suddenly I felt sick, because it was enjoyable. It wasn't harsh or forceful. Tyrion didn't say nasty comments to me. I could tell that he was happy in that moment, despite the circumstances. A-and I still count it as a good experience too, it taught me what a good kiss was. I weirdly felt, safe."
I'm still shocked, but I have been since the minute Sansa began speaking. Obviously I'm not clicking my heels together at the fact she kissed the imp and didn't hate it. However, it's not my place to have an opinion or feelings about this shit night. We are all lucky Sansa even made it out alive. And truthfully, I'm glad she doesn't hate the half man. Hate is heavy. Plus, it would make their current awkward working situation even worse.
She shyly elaborates some more. She confesses that was the first time she realized how it should be to be intimate with someone as an adult and held onto the feeling. No matter how twisted it sounds, she didn't think she'd find that ever again. Thank fuck she tells me she knew she didn't have feelings for Tyrion in that way. She realized you can have a subtle attraction for someone or even kiss them and not be soulmates.
"I'm glad to now know how it feels to be with someone you want, and trust." Sansa says looking at me and smiling. I return her grin and squeeze her hand tighter.
Her face falls again before continuing. Joffrey then interrupted them to say he was getting bored. His tone and pose didn't seem that way, but she knew where this was heading. He said that he didn't believe Tyrion had been put in his place yet and that maybe it's because they weren't doing enough...
"You can piece together where he wanted us to take things but before any of us could make a move, his phone went off, his face turned a sickly, grayish green color. He barked orders to his companions and they were all out the door in a flash." Sansa still looks relieved and surprised all these years later at the turn of events. They were both saved by the bell that night.
"I knew that look, he owed someone something and he was late as usual. Neither Ty nor I moved from our spot on the floor for a long while. Once everything was quiet and my heart had slowed down I started to get up to reach for the first aid kit for him. He was hot on my heels though, stopping me and begging me to leave, to go with him." Sansa looks pained now.
"He promised to protect me in any way possible. He would take me home or change my name, fly me to another country, anything. But I think that was when I was at my lowest. Not because of what happened that day just with our relationship in general." Sansa sighs.
"It wasn't long after that when it all fell apart anyway. But I couldn't go with him, it was as if I had grown roots and was part of the property. He cried and screamed, tried to almost haul me off of my feet. He must've seen something in my eyes because I had turned mute at that point and then he surprisingly, pulled me down for another kiss and finally gathered his things and started to leave. I knew he was scared, like I was, because Joffrey could be back at any moment and we didn't know what would happen. After he dealt with these types of situations, he was always in his worst moods." Sansa shakes her head.
Tyrion gave her every contact detail for him, he told Sansa he would come back to get her at any time. And then he was gone. She saved all his information under fake names of girls she went to high school with. She admitted to me that she even wrote and deleted and tried to send email after text message to him, but could not make herself do it. Gods, I wish she had.
"He checked in here and there but now that he had seen how bad things truly were with Joffrey, neither of us wanted to risk my safety and there was only so much hiding I could do of messages and such. Anyway, I haven't seen him since that night and I haven't heard from him since shortly after that. I have thought about reaching out to Ty and see how he was, thank him for trying to knock some sense into me and help me but I haven't been ready." Sansa furrows her brows.
"I wasn't mad at him or anything like that. I was shocked at seeing him and just a bit irritated. I guess I thought he might've given me some sort of warning before coming back into my life."
Sansa looks right into my eyes. "I just want to be honest with you." Brutally, is the word she leaves out.
I reach up and touch her face with my fingertips. "And you have no idea how much that means to me. I never would've asked or pushed you about it because you never have to tell me something you're not ready to. But I always want to hear what you have to say. And don't you dare be embarrassed about any of it." Sansa smiles at me as I continue.
"I have never wanted to torture and kill someone before but that is all I can think about whenever that cunt of a Lannister is mentioned. I have come too close to losing you before I even knew your name and it makes me sick." I press my forehead to hers for a moment, grounding myself that she is here with me, safe. "I will always treat you the way you deserve and I will protect you as well. With my life." I promise, staring straight into her deep blue eyes.
"I'm glad you're both alright, glad is a fucking understatement when it comes to you, and have grown from what you suffered through." I lean back over and whisper into Sansa's ear. "I am however, not happy about the fact the man still holds a flame for you." I attempt to lighten the mood before I start sobbing in a nice restaurant.
She pulls back and looks at me, surprised.
"How could you know that?"
"I have eyes, Sansa. And honestly, what sane, straight man wouldn't want you?"
She blushes and shakes her head as our food arrives before either of us can speak again, and we dig in.
When Sansa changes the subject I go with it, if she wants a break from the heaviness of earlier I'll give it to her.
The rest of the evening is lighter and even happy. When we finally get back to my place and I see the first draft of her book, my heart swells so damn much I think it'll pop out of my chest. It doesn't even seem strange to me how we can jump from an interaction with a Lannister to a celebratory night but I suppose that's trauma for you.
You learn to live with it, you learn to not let it consume you, to know you have to try and enjoy every moment that comes your way no matter what is preceded by it. The only difference is that we don't have sex. Not that we need to every night, hells if she told me she never wanted to fuck me again, well then, I'd have to reacquaint myself with my right hand.
No matter how mind blowing and important it is to have that connection it is not everything. It's not the reason that I'm with her and I know it's not the reason she's with me. Tonight was a night to talk and cuddle to flip through her book and talk about things excitedly.
We actually end up falling asleep on the couch and I wake up a short time later my neck extremely uncomfortable and carry her into my bed. I lay there like the creep I am and watch her sleep again. Her eyes barely blinked when I lifted her up and placed her back down.
We wake up really early and soak in every minute together. I know I won't see her until Friday probably. Arya flies out that day to go home and spend a long weekend with their parents. She hasn't seen anyone but Sansa since she left on her semi-secret trip.
Sansa has been really open and honest about her relationship with her sister as well. They had your typical as you see in the movies relationship growing up. They are, for the most part, polar opposites and would butt heads frequently. The fact that they were the only girls and had to share a lot of things including a bedroom didn't help the situation. Their age gap was also big enough that it was hard for them to be very close but my little bird remembers feeling slightly heartbroken and guilty when she heard that her sister had left the country and didn't know when she would be back.
Sansa regretted not having a closer relationship with Arya and wanted things to change whenever it was that she returned. Obviously their age gap hasn't changed but as you get older, the years don't seem to matter as much and the differences between two people can lessen. Or you can grow to understand the differences and be more open to them. And that's what's happened with them.
Sansa and Jon are the only ones Arya trusts right now, no one will know what truly went on during her year abroad. Besides me, which is weird to think about. The little wolf trusts me and since we will be working together, starting in the next couple of weeks, for who knows how long she wants to be transparent with me about her training.
She hasn't elaborated too much as of yet. Arya tells me that it would be easier to do so in person once her the facility is set up and she can explain why she's renovated it and added the tools she has. I'm still in shock that I'm even doing this, the where and when don't matter much to me right now. As long as our gym members don't find out and Sansa is happy I'll deal.
Somehow we force ourselves apart and I walk Sansa home a couple of hours later before heading into the office.
I need to keep myself busy. Not only because I'll miss her something bloody awful for the next couple of days but even more so because the nerves for my therapy session tomorrow. They're eating away at me.
Luwin is a great man and doctor. I have no issues with him and I know I healed and learnt better ways to deal with my past from him. He piggybacked perfectly off all the support I got from my shrink in the North.
It's just the fact I haven't been in to speak with him for so long and for once I have something new to say.
And I am fucking terrified for his opinion on my relationship with Sansa.
I doubt it will change my mind on being with her but what if he thinks it's unhealthy or it's not real, what if it is my fucked up family and my own trauma guiding me and our relationship and not my own feelings like I think. What if I'm wrong about us?
If it is unhealthy only for me, fuck it I'll handle the repercussions later. But if he tells me this is bad for her, that I'm hindering her in any way I'd have to take a step back. I want her to live a healthy, happy life and to achieve her goals. I cannot take away from any ounce of that.
So, I know what I have to do tomorrow. I must be as honest as I always was in the past with Dr. Luwin and I have to tell him that I'm falling in love.
--
I write (and talk) a lot it's my thing LOL
I think the beginning authors note was long enough but I did want to kind of give a disclaimer and explanation.
Not only did my writing in this chapter have me stressed out, I've been working on this for I don't know how long. I'm so grateful I had help in the beginning from an amazing friend (you know who you are).
But it's also the context and what I'm actually talking about within the chapter as I don't want to offend or step on toes.
I have experienced different amounts of trauma in my life and a few years ago my family and I survived the worst trauma possible when we almost lost someone. It was sudden, unexpected and completely out of our hands.
I still struggle very much with it, as well as anxiety which I already had and it added PTSD to my life. Its affected my physical health and it's a learning curve everyday, especially during certain times of the year, on how to get through it.
Even though this chapter did write itself I want to be careful with the honesty that comes from Sansa and how they go on with their day and lives after her admission.
This is how I've experienced the telling of our story and how I feel after.
Everyone is different, I might not be coping in the best way but this is is what has gotten us as a family through and I can only write from experience.
So please don't think that I am being insensitive, blasé or heartless and if anything is offensive or too diminishing please reach out and let me know as I would never want to come across that way.
And if you're suffering or have suffered please know that I understand and I'm here for you and if anyone ever wants to talk, my inbox is a safe and non-judge mental zone. ️