The hot-water bottle was still tucked down the front of my shorts held up by the waist band, t-shirt protecting my stomach from the hot rubber, as I stood in front of the mirror as per my usual bedtime routine.

I'd already washed my face, brushed my teeth and flossed. I took my hairbrush out the top drawer unit and quickly brushed out any tangles, then dropped it back into the drawer and started searching for the blister pack holding my hay fever tablets.

I popped one out and dry swallowed it.

And as I closed the drawer and looked up, Nick caught my attention through the mirror.

He was standing by the bed in his flannel pyjama pants and chest bare, shirt clutched in his hand like he had every intention of putting it on but was currently preoccupied by something on the floor.

I couldn't see what was down there. The way he was staring immediately unnerved me because his attention didn't falter even to blink and I started to think there was something in the room with us before it then occurred to me that he had just zoned out.

I said his name to try and pull his focus but he didn't appear to hear it. I moved to my side of the bed and pulled back the duvet, hoping the movement would catch his eye but that didn't seem to have any affect either.

After another couple of seconds he blinked, turned sort of towards me but didn't look up and his arm fell down to his side.

'What are we doing?' He said.

'Going to bed,' I replied. 'It's half 11.'

'No.' His voice was low, his tone a mix between reverent and fearful. I instantly got goosebumps– a terrible omen– and had to fight the shiver that ran up my spine. 'I mean what are we doing…' he clarified. A cold flush washed over my body like I'd just been doused in ice water. 'Are we crazy– are we out of out minds to think that we could work– us?'

I had to swallow. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I wouldn't have had much of a chance either though because he quickly continued.

'– as a couple?'

Despite all the thoughts suddenly racing through my head all that managed to come out of my mouth was 'What?'

Nick sighed. 'I just…'

I gave him more than long enough to continue but it seemed that was the end of his sentence. 'Do you think we aren't working?' I asked. I tried to keep my tone as level as possible.

He went still. His chest rose and fell a few times before he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. 'I think you should leave.'

I couldn't even breathe for a second. My lips parted as though my body was aware that I had something to say but my mild was completely blank.

'What?'

His blue eyes opened again and locked onto me. 'I think you should leave me, and I think you should find someone else.'

I could barely exhale my relief of my misunderstanding before I was replying so quickly I almost interrupted. 'But I don't want anyone else, Nick. I want you.'

'What if we don't work out?'

I stared at him for a second trying to figure out what sort of question that was and how he expected me to answer it. '…is there a reason why you think we wouldn't?'

He shrugged. It was a meaningless gesture because of course he had an answer. 'Because you're 20 something. I don't know what the next number is but I bet it's low, isn't it?' I moved across the room, walking around the edge of the bed to stop in front of him as he continued 'Mine doesn't start with 2. It doesn't even start with a 3.'

This was the exact reason I had kicked Connor in the shin that afternoon. This was the exact same reason I had wanted him to stop talking– to not put any ideas in his head that being younger than him meant I was too young for him.

The notion was ridiculous. It might have been unusual but that didn't mean there was anything wrong with us being together. The truth was I had been terrified waiting the whole time Nick and I had been seeing each other for this to happen and all the while hoping it never would.

I reached up, looping one around his shoulders and resting a hand on the back of his neck to pull his head down so that he was looking at me.

'I don't care.'

He sighed. 'But you should.' He seemed confused that I was confused. 'You're wasting your years– your best years-'

'Nick,' I said instinctively, interrupting him. 'No.' I wasn't. I wanted him to know it. I needed him to know it and realise that I wasn't wasting anything by being with him if that was what he thought. These wouldn't be my best years if he wasn't here to share them with me. 'No. What did she say to you out there?'

'What?'

'Helen,' I clarified. 'What did she say to you?'

He didn't say anything. I was in two-minds about whether that meant it wasn't what she'd said but how she'd said it, or it was something he didn't want me to hear because it would affect me as well. I decided it didn't matter; all I needed to do was quash his doubts. I rose onto my tiptoes and pressed a lingering kiss against his mouth that he chased as I pulled away.

'I love you,' I said. His arms came up around me, holding me to him and in a tight hug. 'I love you so much.' I kissed his chest over his heart. 'I've never been happier.'

'No!' I jolted awake and wrenched myself up, fighting against the resistance of a weight around my waist until I was upright and panting.

'Anna?'

I was too panicked to think logically. It didn't matter that I could feel him in the bed beside me or that I could hear him breathing and hear his voice; I didn't know where I was.

His hand ran across my back. I looked around, desperately trying to remember why– where I was and why I was here.

Then it clicked in my head.

I was home. I was in our bedroom and I had woken him up for no reason. This was ridiculous.

I rubbed my eyes in frustration, my breathing starting to level as I drew my knees up to my chest. It was too much. I was exhausted physically, mentally. I couldn't take much more of it, it was starting to feel overwhelming when I couldn't even sleep through more than a couple of hours without some kind of nightmare or episode of PTSD. If it wasn't the creatures it was the gunshot. If it wasn't the gunshot it was the freezer. 'Sorry.' I sighed. '…sorry.'

'Don't be daft,' Nick said softly as he sat up behind me and shuffled closer. 'Come here. It's okay. I've got you.'

I didn't know I was shaking until I felt how stable his chest was as he pulled me against it.

I was home.

I couldn't stop myself from crying. All of a sudden I was breaking down and overloading, weeping like some kind of kid as Nick wrapped his arms around me and tucked my head under his chin and I just sobbed.

I just smudged them when I tried to wipe them away.

By the time I had got myself back under control there was a wet patch on his t-shirt.

'Not fair,' I mumbled.

'What?'

'Not fair for you,' I repeated a little louder. 'This. Let me go.'

But he didn't move. 'And where are you going?'

'Spare room,' I replied. 'Can leave you in peace and sleep in there.'

He huffed out a breath of laughter. 'Yeah right,' he said like it was some sort of joke.

'You need sleep,' I said.

'So do you,' he returned because he knew I couldn't get any without him. 'Did you have a nightmare?' I nodded. 'A creature?'

'Night before I got stuck.' I closed my eyes to stop anymore tears from leaking out of them. But it was hard. I didn't have enough strength. I had replayed that conversation over and over in my head a thousand times. I had quite the talent of finding what I was trying so hard to avoid. 'Don't know. Don't know…'

'What?'

'Don't know how old I am.' a tear fell from my eye, I quickly brushed it away. 'Never told you how old I was in case you thought I was too young and now I don't know.'

I had no idea how long I had been out there.

'None of that matters,' he said. He lay back, dropping his head back onto his pillow and pulling me back with him so that my head was against his chest. His arm wrapped around me, his thumb tracing patterns against my skin. 'I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere.'

He reached out to his bedside table and picked up the upturned book that was resting there. His free hand combed down though my hair, I heard the pages fluttered before his chest started to rise and fall.

'Oh, open the door, some pity to shew,

Oh, open the door to me, oh,

Tho' thou hast been false, I'll ever prove true,

Oh, open the door to me, oh.

...

Cauld is the blast upon my pale cheek,

But caulder thy love for me, oh:

The frost that freezes the life at my heart,

Is nought to my pains frae thee, oh.

...

The wan Moon is setting beyond the white wave,

And Time is setting with me, oh:

False friends, false love, farewell! for mair

I'll ne'er trouble them, nor thee, oh.

...

She has open'd the door, she has open'd it wide,

She sees the pale corse on the plain, oh:

"My true love!" she cried, and sank down by his side,

Never to rise again, oh.'