A/N: Good people, I am so sorry for taking so long to update. I wasn't happy with the plan I initially had for this story, so I've taken some time to re-work it. I promise updates will come much faster now.
Hope you enjoy! ; )
Rather than going home after dropping everyone at the airport, Santana decided to go to the studio. She'd spend every single one of the next four days working as much as possible, just to make sure missing the trip was worth it.
It was nearly lunch time, so she wasn't surprised when she didn't find Malek. She was actually kind of glad he wasn't there. It would give her a minute to think. She wasn't enjoying this album the way she had hoped, in fact since deciding to come back her life had been nothing but hard. Brittany kept saying that they just needed to adjust. She was convinced that they just needed some time to get used to the new normal. Santana wasn't so sure. Maybe it was the topic she was singing about, or the fact that it was the most emotional album she had ever written, but Santana couldn't say she was glad to be back at work. Before she'd taken the break, she'd at least had a sense of fulfilment. When she had to stay late, or had a particularly grueling day in the studio, as tired as she was, she always felt accomplished as she made her way home. In the three months she'd been back she hadn't felt that even once. Instead she felt like she used to in college, when she had multiple projects due and no time to do them. Even when she got one done she couldn't feel happy about it because she knew there were still others, like a never ending cycle of work.
It was tiring.
While she waited she played back the songs they had finished so far. There were about 10 complete songs, that were ready for recording, which she would do once she came back from tour. As she listened to the rough versions she and Malek had done, she tried to imagine herself performing them on stage. She tried to imagine what the guitars would sound like, where the drums would hit harder and where they would be soft. Would a violin fit here, or maybe a cello? For a few minutes she closed her eyes and tried to envision the songs in their finality. They were different from the ones she usually did, which Santana figured was fitting. She'd gone on hiatus with an album full of love songs, something she'd never done before, so it made sense that she would come back with an album full of songs she'd never done before either.
She just hoped the fans wouldn't think she'd strayed too far from her sound.
Her phone rang, jarring her out of her thoughts. She quickly paused the music and fished the phone out of her bag, only to roll her eyes and toss it back in.
"Stop calling me!" she yelled, kicking her bag under the table.
"Now those are some inspiring lyrics."
Santana turned to find Jade standing in the doorway.
"You know me." She paused the music. "I'm a poet."
Chuckling, Jade walked into the room, allowing the door to close.
"I'm surprised to see you here."
"Yeah, yeah, I know I spend a lot of time here-"
"No I mean I'm actually surprised. Aren't you supposed to be on a plane?"
Santana sighed, turning so Jade couldn't see her face and pretending to be adjusting one of the dials in front of her.
"Plans change."
"Right." Jade took the seat next to Santana. "How'd the kids take it?"
"They're disappointed." Santana shrugged. "Really disappointed. But, they understand, and I'll make it up to them."
"This one's different."
"This…?"
"Album." Jade pointed to Santana's laptop. "It's more personal."
"No shit Sherlock." Santana scoffed, fighting a smile.
"Whatever." Jade chuckled. "It's gonna be awesome."
Santana's smile faded slowly. "I hope so."
"It will." Jade gently gripped her arm. When Santana looked at her, she nodded encouragingly. "You're working your ass off, and I know from experience that means we're all about to be blown away."
"Thanks." Santana said sincerely. "Maybe if I could stop worrying about the freaking deadline, I could actually see the album…you know? See it as a whole, see its commercial potential."
"Yeah." Jade stood up. "That deadline's got me thinking the label's not as excited about your return as we first thought."
"I can't even think about stuff like right now."
"I'll leave you to it." She turned to walk away but Santana stopped her.
"Stay."
Jade frowned.
"You're taking a break?"
"No. Stay and help me." She gestured to her laptop.
Jade's frown deepened. She crossed her arms over her chest and broke eye contact. Santana knew what she was thinking. Last time she was in the studio with Jade, Santana had lost her temper and said some really awful things. Things that crossed the line. She'd apologized, but that didn't make it okay, and it was clearly something Jade was worried about happening again. In high school Santana had been free of this kind of guilt. She still said awful things, but she'd never cared about the people whose feelings she was hurting. The only person she ever cared about hurting was Brittany, which is why she never insulted her.
Once in a while she lost her temper with Emma or Eve, but she usually made it up to them but being extra sweet in their next encounter, and with Quinn and Puck, she never really felt bad because that was their language. But this time, Santana was feeling the full force of her guilt. Maybe it was because Jade had never experienced that side of her before, and Santana hated that she now had.
"I'm really sorry Jade."
"I know Sant-"
Santana held up her hand. "Just listen."
Jade sighed, pressing her lips together.
"The things I said to you were way out of line, and also just not true. I said them because I knew they would hurt you…." She shook her head. "That's something I've always been really good at and I never used to care how badly I hurt someone but now…look I know it's not an excuse, but the tears and…everything just caught me really off-guard. I was panicking and just lashed out. But that's never going to happen again okay? I promise. I never want to be that girl again, and I feel like shi- like crap for treating you that way."
Jade dropped her arms, taking a few steps towards Santana.
"You were hurting. Hurt people hurt people….or something like that right?"
"That's what they say."
"You're a bitch, I always knew that. I guess now I'm fully initiated in the family. Got a visit from Snixx and everything."
Santana chuckled. "That bitc-girl just won't die."
Jade laughed, retaking her seat. "You can't kill a part of yourself Santana. You gave her a different name, but Snixx is you. You are Snixx."
"You sound like my therapist."
"Oh are you seeing her again?" Jade raised her eyebrows.
"No." Santana scoffed, shaking her head. "Going through it all in here is therapy enough for me. Besides she's only going to tell me what I already know."
"And what's that?"
"My grandmother fuck- messed me up, and I need to forgive her."
"Do you?"
"Hell no."
"Will you?"
Santana licked her lips, narrowing her eyes.
"She's the one who taught me how to tear people down you know? That little rant I went on, all those horrible things I said to you? She would have proud." She clicked her tongue. "She screwed me up to badly that it took ten years for me to even realize that how she raised me wasn't normal. Ten years and weeks of therapy. Talk about Stockholm syndrome."
"Okay but…she's your grandmother."
"So?" Santana scowled. "That means I should forgive her for making me hate myself?"
"No." Jade shook her head. "It means she doesn't hate you. She loves you, in her warped way-"
"You know-" Santana stood up, holding up both hands. "I'm not doing this." She shook her head quickly. "I'm not talking about this." She backed away till she reached the door. "I'm going to go find Malek. Listen to the demos, so you can get caught up."
She pulled the door open and left, refusing to acknowledge the look Jade was giving her.
The next day Santana decided to work from home. With ten complete songs, and two partially done, she had three more song she needed to write in order to complete the album. Of course not all of the songs would be used, but she typically liked to have at least 15 demos. She figured the album would probably end up with eleven or twelve songs.
Though Malek had tried to convince her to go into the studio, Santana felt like she needed a change of scenery and tactics. The songs she'd written so far were about how hurt she was. How she still loved her grandmother so much and loving her was painful. But Santana had woken up that day feeling angry. Her conversation with Jade made her realise she was a lot angrier than she let herself admit. But why? Nobody could say she was wrong for being angry at her abuela, so why couldn't she admit it. Why did she feel like she wasn't allowed to be angry at her abuela? After all, her grandmother had been the one to kick her out. She'd turned her back on Santana first. She broke Santana first. Now that she wanted to talk, now that she wanted to try fix things, was Santana just supposed to let her back in? She was pretty sure her grandmother was the same. It wasn't possible for someone so set in their ways to change in the drastic way Santana needed her to change. So if forgiving her grandmother meant opening herself and her family up to the mean, judgmental upbringing that she'd had, if that was the kind of love her grandmother was offering, Santana could safely say she was better off without it.
These were feelings she didn't think she could properly express while simultaneously doing jumping jacks or squats. She needed to let her anger out without worrying about insulting the people around her when she did.
So after breakfast, she holed herself up in the studio in the basement of her house and for the first time ever allowed herself to hate her abuela.
"Lopez!"
Santana spun around, nearly toppling herself and her chair over. Her hand flew to her chest.
"Noah! What?!"
"I've been looking all over for you."
"I'm working."
"Yeah about that, I need to talk to you."
"Just because you have a key doesn't mean you can just use it whenever you want you know?" She bent over, picking the papers that had gone flying when she'd been startled. "This isn't your house. It's still breaking and entering if you don't have permission."
"I've come to talk some sense into you."
Santana paused, looking up. Last time someone had 'come to talk sense into her', she'd been accused of cheating on Brittany with Dani.
"Is this about Malek?" She asked, setting the papers on the table. "Because I swear to god if you imply that our relationship is anything more than professional I will-"
"Relax." Puck cut her off. "I don't trust the guy but I know you're not about to cheat."
"So this is about me not going to Tampa then." She crossed her arms. "Let's hear it. I'd love to know what you have to say about a decision that has literally nothing to do with you. One that I made with my wife, after several days of thinking and debating. Go on."
"You made that decision because Malek put the thought in your head."
"Oh my god." Santana rolled her eyes. "So now he's manipulating me."
"Tell me it was your idea." Puck challenged.
Santana frowned, clenching her jaw. "Say what you came to say or leave."
Puck sighed, leaning back against the door and stuffing his hands into his pockets.
"Just get on a plane and go-"
"I can't do this." Santana stood up.
"Santana."
"Move."
"Are you going to the airport?"
"Shut up." Santana snapped. "Deciding not to go was hard enough, I don't need you in my ear telling me it was the wrong choice."
"I'm not the one in your ear."
Santana's face hardened. She felt anger bubbling just under the surface, making her feel slightly out of control. She took a deep breath.
"Move out of my way."
"I never thought I'd see the day when you turned into your parents."
Santana felt the slap stinging the palm of her hand before she had registered the explosion of anger inside her. She heard it, loud enough to tell her that it hurt. She was breathing heavily, glaring, feeling like she could actually hit Puck again.
Puck licked the corner of his mouth, his eyes closed and head turned slightly to the side. Santana could see his cheek slowly turning red.
She couldn't bring herself to feel bad.
"Get out of my house."
Puck's jaw clenched powerfully, but when he turned to face her she was shocked to see he wasn't furious.
"Why are you so angry huh?" He asked. "Why're you so defensive?"
"You're talking about things you don't know anything about. Comparing me to my parents? That's such a fuck-freaking low blow and you know it."
"You're right. You're not your parents. Yet."
"For heaven's-"
"But you're wrong if you think I don't know anything about this. I may not know whatever you and Brittany told yourselves to make this seem…" He paused, "like the best option, but I know exactly what is going on."
"Oh yes, please enlighten me then, cause I for one have no idea what is going on."
"You made me their godfather. You chose me because I know what it's like to grow up with crap parents."
"I will slap you again." Santana warned.
Puck raised his hands. "I'm not saying you're a crap mother. You're a freaking amazing mother. I'm saying you chose me, because I got what it was like growing up the way we did. I was there Santana, the entire time. I watched you get hard and angry and sad. I watched you be so angry all the time that you hated everyone around you. I watched you get so sad that you teased anyone who dared to mention hanging out with their parents. You made it seem uncool and lame and childish to even think about watching a movie or going to a game with your parents. I was there." Puck jabbed at his chest, taking a step closer to Santana. "And I got sad and angry and hard too."
Santana's breathing slowed as she stared into Puck's eyes. Her anger slowly faded.
"I didn't make this decision lightly."
"And that's why it's not too late."
She scoffed, shaking her head.
"I am so happy for you, that you've been able to get to this place where you're healed and whole. You're not broken like me anymore, and I am happy for you Santana, I really am."
"But?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow.
"But you made this decision, because Malek put it in your head," he held up a hand to stop her interrupting, "and Brittany told you it was okay."
She frowned. "What?"
"Am I wrong?"
"Obviously Brittany and I talked about it."
"And god bless Brittany, but she wasn't there. She didn't meet ten year old Santana, I did, and I know that ten year old Santana would never understand that you chose work over your kids. Not for any reason."
Santana dropped her head back, her hands moving to cover her face as she groaned.
"I grew up Puckerman." She dropped her hands and looked at him. "I grew up and realised life isn't black and white."
"Sure. Life is complicated and messy. But we prioritize what is important to us."
"It's a football game that he isn't even playing in!" Santana yelled. Puck stared blankly at her. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to get your ass on a plane and go to that football game."
"I can't!" Santana cried. She spun around, kicking the chair so hard that it rolled all the way across the room and crashed into the wall. "I can't. I have to work I don't have a choice. I signed a contract."
"Find another way."
"My kids will be fine."
"They will, because like I said you're a fantastic mother."
"Then what the fuck is your point?"
Puck surged forward, gripping Santana's shoulders and bending so he was level with her.
"The point is YOU. I'm trying to keep YOU from making a decision that you're going to regret. I know this is eating you alive, because it's eating me, and they're not even my kids, and I'm not the one who chose not to go. This isn't you Santana. This isn't the mother you are, or ever wanted to be. You were going to the game before Malek said anything, because for you, choosing work over your kids is never an option. And I know, that ten year old is inside, begging you not to do this. It's not too late."
Santana felt a tear roll down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly, sniffing and pulling out of Puck's grip.
"Get out of my house."
Puck's eyes widened. "Santa-"
"GET OUT!"
He flinched, like he was anticipating another slap. Santana was sure a slap wasn't far away if he kept testing her. When her withering glare didn't waver, he sighed and walked out.
She couldn't slam the door behind him because of the soft-close hinge they'd installed so the kids didn't slam their fingers, but she closed it as hard as she could.
One thing was for sure, Santana had too many people's voices in her head.
Kyler walked into the bedroom where his siblings were with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, trying not to sulk.
"What did she say?" Mateo asked immediately, standing from the floor.
"She said she can't take us now, and that Jessie's been working a lot today so she doesn't want to call him back."
"He has been here since six am." Sophia said. "I guess he does need a break."
Kyler sat down heavily on the bed, then dropped onto his back with his arms spread to his side.
"We can do something in here." Jesús said, gently tapping Kyler's knee. "Come on we can play a game."
"I don't want to play a game." Kyler mumbled.
"Come on." Sophia said, walking to stand next to Jesús. "It could be fun."
Kyler looked up, momentarily distracted by the fact that Sophia was actually volunteering to play with them.
"Yeah see. We can play hide and seek or tag, or we can play musical chairs, or learn a new dance on YouTube."
"You know you're not allowed on YouTube." Kyler said, looking at Mateo.
"He is if we're watching with him." Sophia said. "Come on Ky por favor, te divertirás."
"Fun." Jesús reiterated, shaking his shoulders.
"No." Kyler dropped onto his back again. "It won't."
"You just have to try. Stop sulking-"
"I'm not sulking." He sat up. "Don't you get it? This was supposed to be my trip, now everything is wrong. Mama doesn't have time and mami's not here and we can't be upset about that but everything is wrong and everything is ruined! And I don't want to play a stupid game with you so leave me alone."
Sophia and Jesús both stepped back. Mateo pouted, looking at the floor.
"You're not supposed to say stupid."
"We're not supposed to say stupid around you because you're a stupid little baby who repeats everything he hears and gets us all into trouble."
Mateo's bottom lip trembled, but before he began to cry, Sophia had her arm around his shoulder.
"Don't listen to him Niki. He's the baby." She scowled at Kyler. "He's the one who cried when mami said she wasn't coming, and he's the one sulking now just cause we can't go to the zoo."
She steered Mateo out of the room.
Jesús watched them go, smacked his lips and turned to Kyler. "That was mean."
"Whatever."
"Are you really going to refuse to do anything fun all week?"
"I don't feel like doing anything."
"We promised mami we'd have a good time." Jesús reminded him. Kyler felt a pang of guilt.
He dropped his eyes to the floor. "I wish she was here."
"Me too." Jesús said. He sat down next to Kyler. "But we promised we'd have fun."
Kyler nodded. "Okay."
"Do you wanna go swim?"
He didn't. He didn't feel like swimming, or dancing, or playing a game. He wanted to be at the zoo with his mum like they had planned. He wanted to see a tiger, and penguins, and go to the museum because Sophia wanted to and be so bored he and Jesús had to try entertain themselves. But he couldn't do any of those things, and if he went home and told his mum he hadn't done anything she would feel so bad about not being able to come, and he already knew she felt bad because she'd cried at the airport. She'd hugged him tight and said she was really sorry and then she'd cried. He didn't want to make her feel worse.
"No." He said, shaking his head slowly. "But let's go anyway."
Brittany was yawning every thirty seconds. She was so tired she could fall asleep right where she was, which was probably a bad idea, cause she could drown. Forcing her eyes open, she stared at the pristine white tiled wall and tried not to think of how tired she was.
Today had been a long day. When her alarm had gone off at five she'd nearly burst into tears, because she was still on California time, and they were three hours behind. So she'd gone to bed past one in the morning. One of the facilitators' flights had been delayed so he hadn't been able to teach his session, so Brittany had needed to scramble to put out that fire. Mike had ended up being able to take it, but she had to sub Mike, which meant she taught two sessions rather than her one in the afternoon, on top of having to judge the final round.
And that was just all before four in the afternoon.
When she got back to the hotel it was to four kids who had been stuck inside all day. They had an abundance of energy and were sick of each other, so there was constant bickering and whining and then there was a broken lamp.
She took them out for dinner, just so they could all get a breath of fresh air, they walked along the Tampa Riverwalk, found a park the kids could play in which got them all tired enough to head back to the hotel and get ready for bed in peace.
By the time she'd kissed them all goodnight Brittany was ready to collapse. Instead she ran herself a bath with hot, hot water and decided to soak her tense muscles.
She stayed in the bath long enough for the water to get cold, and her skin to prune, then got out, wrapped a towel around herself and lay across the bed. She was so warm and loose she didn't want to move even to put on clothes.
"I'll just rest here for a minute…" She mumbled into the bed, letting her eyes drift closed.
She jumped awake, shivering violently as goosebumps erupted all over her body. The light was too bright for her, so she had to squint, her hand searching the bed for her ringing phone. She found it at the foot of the bed. Without checking who it was, she answered. Only one person would be calling her at this time.
"Hey baby." She breathed into the phone, her eyelids losing the battle against the bright light and closing. She was still tired, but the nap she'd taken had at least alleviated the exhaustion from her muscles. Now she could get up to change, and she really needed to because it was cold.
"Hey love." Santana's voice floated to her ear. Brittany smiled. "Sorry for waking you."
"S'okay. Did you have a good day?"
"I had a productive day…"
"Oh?" Brittany pushed herself up, cracking her eyes open. "That's good. Did you finish a song?"
"Yeah Jade helped today. I think I'll bring her in again."
"Oh yay." Brittany felt herself wake up even more. Her eyes were adjusting to the light, and her brain was alert enough to realise that wherever Santana was, there was a lot of noise.
"Yeah. She added some ideas to other songs I thought were done. I knew there was a reason I liked her."
Brittany giggled.
"Noah stopped by. I slapped him."
"What?" Brittany's eyes shot open. "You slapped him?"
"Yes but hear me out."
"Mmmmh?"
Santana paused. Brittany heard someone say 'right this way Mrs Lopez-Pierce.'
"He was being annoying."
"Santana." Brittany stood up, dropping her towel and moving to her suitcase.
"No he was being like….really annoying."
"Did you playfully slap him or really slap him."
"Oh I slaaaped him. Like a nice good open hand slap to the face. It connected really well."
"Oh my god." Brittany laughed despite herself. It was amusing how proud Santana was of herself. "You don't sound sorry."
"I'm not."
There was a ding that had Brittany pausing in her search for her pajamas.
"Where are you?"
"Huh?"
"Where are you? Isn't it like…." Brittany pulled the phone from her ear to see the time. One AM again. She sighed. Looked like tomorrow was going to be another long day.
"One AM."
"Yeah. Why aren't you at hom-wait." Brittany stood up straight. "No not one, it's…" she counted backwards. "It's ten pm for you."
"No it's one AM."
Brittany frowned, looking at her phone again. "Is my phone still on California time?"
"I don't know."
"Must be." She muttered to herself. "Anyway why did you slap Noah?"
"He was being an ass."
Brittany giggled, pulling out a sleeping shirt. "That doesn't tell me anything."
"Well open the door and I'll tell you properly."
"Open the door?" She looked at her door. "My door is open. Also what does-" She stopped, her heart rate picking up as her brain rushed to put the pieces together. "Are you here?"
"Where?"
She could hear Santana's smile through the phone. Without wasting time she dropped her phone onto her bed and ran to the door. She didn't think twice before throwing the door open.
"Santana?!" She shrieked in disbelief.
"BRITTANY!" Santana's body collided with her seconds before there was a loud slam. Brittany was too preoccupied by the fact that Santana was standing there to realise that Santana was removing her coat and draping it over Brittany's shoulders.
"You're here?"
"You're naked!"
"What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing answering the door naked?"
Brittany frowned, looking behind Santana at the closed door. "Is everything okay? Is something wrong?"
"BRITTANY?"
Her eyes snapped to Santana, who was frantically pulling at the coat to cover Brittany's front.
"What?" She asked, searching Santana's wide eyes.
"Why are you naked?"
Brittany looked down at herself. "Oh." She shook her head. "I got out of the bath and fell asleep…" she waved her hand dismissively. "Santana what are you doing here?"
Santana finally seemed to relaxed. Her grip on the coat loosened, her shoulders dropped and her eyes softened.
"Here is where I needed to be."
Brittany never got to sleep that night. She was too excited by Santana's surprise appearance to fall asleep, but Santana wasn't sleepy either. She'd frantically run to the room and put on clothes while Santana apologized profusely to the concierge who'd brought her luggage up and tipped him handsomely. Then they laughed about it for half an hour before Brittany had taken her clothes off again and shown Santana how happy she was to see her. After that, they laid in bed facing each other, holding each other. It was like she hadn't seen Santana in months.
"What changed your mind?"
"It didn't feel right." Santana said. "From the second I decided to stay it didn't feel right."
"What about the album?"
"I made other arrangements."
Brittany frowned, pulling her head back a bit.
"What arrangements?"
"I'm going to stay at home while you guys go to Lima."
"What?" Brittany sat up. She waited for Santana to start laughing, or tell her she'd misunderstood, but she didn't. "What? No-No." She shook her head.
"Babe-"
Santana reached for her but she pulled her hand away. "No Santana. No way."
"I have to find the time somewhere-"
"That's worse." Brittany cried. "That's worse Santana. No." She shook her head. "I won't allow it."
"It'll give me the time I need to get back on schedule. And this way, I'm not breaking any promises and they're not disappointed."
"Not disappointed?" Brittany moved away from her, scoffing. "You think they're not going to be disappointed that you're missing Christmas?" She moved to get out of the bed but Santana stopped her with a hand around her elbow.
"Wait no. No, no…I'm going to come for Christmas." Brittany stopped, looking at Santana over her shoulder. "I'll be there by the twenty second."
Brittany relaxed back onto the bed. "Are you sure you can get a flight?"
"Booked it with Eve while she was booking my flight here."
Brittany nodded. "Okay."
"I sat down with Emma and worked it out. I feel better about this, because this way I'm not breaking any promises."
"They're not disappointed…." Brittany said quietly.
"Exactly."
"What about me?"
Santana frowned. "Britt-"
"What about disappointing me, Santana?"
Santana sighed, resting her head in her hands.
"Don't you care-"
"Of course I care." Santana cut her off. She sounded so defeated. "It sucks that I have to do this, and I hate that I'm going to miss some of your twenty-five-days-of-Christmas plans, and I'm sorry."
"No I'm sorry." Brittany sighed. She bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I know this is hard for you, I know that, and I'm supposed to be supporting you-"
"You are." Santana took Brittany's hand, gently kissing the back of it. "You are, but you're also allowed to have feelings about it."
"Oh I have feelings." Scowled at the tv in front of the bed. "I have a lot of feelings. But it's not your fault, so I shouldn't make you feel worse than you already do."
"I think we might have underestimated how hard getting back in the business would be."
"It's just been a while since we-"
"You keep saying that…sorry." Santana kissed Brittany's hand again. "I didn't mean to cut you off, but you keep saying that and I don't think it's true."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean….i think a part of why this is so hard is that we keep waiting for it to get easier. You know, get back to how it was before I took the break?"
"Yeah?"
"But we've never been here before. Not successfully anyway. We've never both been working full time, with four kids. It's the whole reason I took a break in the first place."
"True." Brittany's brow creased as she thought. "I guess we actually need to learn what that looks and feels like."
Santana gently rubbed her thumb over the back of Brittany's hand.
"You know what I realised…why I'm here?"
"What?"
"When I was a kid, what hurt wasn't that my parents weren't home, I mean I didn't love that I was alone all the time…"
Brittany scooted closer to her, so close that their sides were pressed tight against each other and wrapped her arm around Santana's. She laced their fingers together, feeling Santana's ring press against her fingers.
"I know."
"But that wasn't what hurt. Making plans, and getting excited about those plans only for them to cancel….that's what hurt. The way they built my hopes up and crushed them every time, that's what hurt. It made me feel like I wasn't important until I couldn't trust them when they said they loved me."
Nodding, Brittany tenderly kissed Santana's shoulder, resting her lips there.
"There are going to be more times in the next year when I can't make it to stuff or spend time with them, or with you." She turned her head to looked down at Brittany. "Even if I want to, I might not be able to."
"I know." Brittany turned her head, so it was her cheek resting on Santana's shoulder.
"But I'm here because I never want to cancel on them, on you," She kissed Brittany's head, "for work. We'll have to plan for me to be around less, but if I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it."
Brittany looked up, a smile creeping on her face.
"I love you." She sat up, leaning forward to capture Santana's lips in a swift kiss. "I love you so much."
Before Santana could reply, Brittany was climbing into her lap, pushing her down onto the bed.
When Brittany's alarm went off, they were both still awake, sitting in the tv area of the room in the robes provided by the hotel. The curtains were open and though Santana was beginning to feel tired, she was perfectly content to just sit there, cuddled into Brittany and watching the sun rise.
"Let me go put it off." Brittany moved to get up.
"Let it snooze." Santana said, pressing Brittany back into the couch.
Brittany chuckled. "The kids will be up in a bit."
"Then they can switch it off."
Smiling, Brittany threw her hand back over Santana's shoulders.
"I can't believe we stayed up all night." She mused, refocusing on the sunrise.
"I know." Santana giggled. "We're going to regret it."
"At least you don't have to dance all day."
"You don't have to dance all day either." Santana ran her hand smoothly over Brittany's thigh.
"It's going to feel like it." Brittany pouted.
"What time is the game?"
"Eight"
"Will you be done."
"For sure." Brittany kissed her head. "But now Ky has someone to watch the other games with before."
"And NFL total access."
"Of course." Brittany kissed her head again. "I'm really glad you're here. It would have been okay if you weren't….I still think that, but I'm really glad you're here."
Santana looked up smiling. There was a pull in her stomach, the anxiety over the album and the deadline and the three songs she hadn't even started, but it was better than the guilt she had been feeling back home. She realised that as awful as it would be, she could live with herself for jeopardizing her career. She couldn't live with herself for jeopardizing her relationship with her kids.
When she stopped being mad at him, she would thank Puck for coming to talk to her.
"I'm just going to have to pack as much Christmas into the days before we go to Lima, so do you don't really miss anything."
"Sounds like a plan babe."
"Did Quinn tell you if she's coming to Lime?"
"She and Theo are yes." Santana nodded. "Apparently Theo thinks that since his parents are here and get to be more involved in the wedding, they should go see Quinn's mum for Christmas."
"He's so sweet." Brittany smiled. "When are they going?"
"Eighteenth I think…." Santana screwed up her mouth in thought. "You'll have to confirm-"
"Oh no!" Brittany sat up slightly.
"What?"
"I just realised we're leaving Mercedes all alone." She pouted.
Santana pushed herself off Brittany's chest, sitting up to face her.
"Well…now I'm going to be there for a week longer, and Sean isn't working on Christmas is he?"
"No."
"So she'll be fine." Santana assured. "We'll get Noah to keep her company if Sean is away."
"Okay." Brittany giggled. "Wow Mercedes and Noah…even after all this time it's still weird."
"Yeah I don't know what they're going to do together….maybe she'd be better off alone." Santana laughed.
"No. She shouldn't be alone. Being pregnant is hard enough, but she has Nathan. I wouldn't want you to be alone if you were pregnant."
Santana frowned as Brittany's eyes drifted down to her stomach.
"Well I'm never-"
The alarm going off cut her off. This time Brittany was free to get up. Santana watched her walk into the room.
"I'm never going to be pregnant." She mumbled, standing up as well and walking to the mini fridge. If she was going to survive this day she needed some red bull. She could worry about telling Brittany that there was no future where she was pregnant later.
At six thirty they ordered breakfast. Santana was halfway through her first cup of coffee when Brittany's alarm rang again.
"I thought you put that off."
"I did." Brittany stuffed the rest of the toast in her mouth and walked to the room. "That's to tell me I need to leave." She said round her mouthful.
"Mmhh" Santana hummed while sipping her coffee. "You should change while you're in there."
Brittany came out with her phone in her hand, still in her robe.
"What? You don't want to go to work like this?"
"A little too sexy." Santana said.
Brittany smirked, untying her robe and stopping in front of Santana. "I'd wear underwear."
Santana couldn't tear her eyes away from Brittany's chest. She let her hands slide up Brittany's legs, stopping at her hips.
"I like you better like this." She said, her voice low and sultry.
"I bet you do." Brittany husked, lifting her hand and combing her fingers through Santana's hair.
"So sexy." Santana leaned forward, placing a slow, soft kiss between Brittany's breast. Brittany moaned softly, her grip on Santana's hair tightening. "Come here." Santana pulled her forward until Brittany could straddle her lap, then tugged her down so she was sitting. Their lips connected instantly, with Santana's hands moving up from Brittany's hips to her breasts, cupping them both. Brittany moaned again, louder than before. She broke the kiss, taking deep breaths. Santana trailed her kisses from Brittany's lips, over her jaw, and down her neck, at the same time rubbing her thumbs over Brittany's rapidly hardening nipples. She felt Brittany shiver and smirked.
Suddenly her head was being yanked back by her hair. She hissed, but the pain barely lasted a second before Brittany was crashing their lips together. She opened her mouth to let Brittany's tongue in, greeting it with her own. She was getting more turned on by the second, with the way Brittany's nails were scratching her scalp, and Brittany's teeth were nipping her bottom lip making her groan loudly. She pinched Brittany's nipple, rolling it between her fingers.
"Fuck." Brittany pulled back, her hips rolling down into Santana. "Let's go back to bed."
Santana gripped Brittany's hips, guiding her as she ground down. She leaned forward, kissing Brittany's neck, her tongue snaking out to lick the skin.
"God Santana…." Brittany groaned.
"Let's go-"
"Mama?"
Brittany shot out of Santana's lap, crashing into the table as she frantically tried to retie her robe.
Santana blinked rapidly, trying to clear her head as she stood up.
"Mami?!" Kyler collided with her, nearly toppling her over as he jumped into her arms. His legs wrapped around her waist, his arms around her neck. "You're here!"
Her eyes locked with Brittany's who was red all the way down her neck. She smiled sheepishly at her, gripping the belt of her robe tight in both hands. Santana bit her lip to keep from laughing at how embarrassed Brittany was and hugged Kyler back.
"I'm here love."
"This is the best surprise ever! Now everything is perfect!" He pulled back to look at her. "Now we can do everything we planned and you don't have to just see pictures."
"Yeah that's what I was thinking too."
"When did you come? Just now? Is that why mama jumped on you too?"
Santana nearly choked.
Brittany cleared her throat. "I'm gonna go change." She said quickly, before turning on the spot and rushing to the bedroom.
"I'm so glad you're here mami."
"Me too Ky." Santana kissed his cheek.
It wasn't long before all the kids were awake. They all had basically the same reaction as Kyler. Brittany left soon after, running late, which was funny seeing as she had been awake literally all night. She kissed everyone and ran out.
Santana turned to the kids, all of whom were sitting around her on the couch.
"So what's the plan for today?" she asked them.
"The museum." Sophia said immediately.
"No, no." Mateo cried. "We can't start with the museum, that's boring.
"It is not!"
"It is!"
"We should go to the zoo." Jesús said. "We were supposed to go yesterday." He looked at Kyler, who nodded.
"The zoo is better than the museum." Mateo said. Sophia scowled at him.
"We're going to do both." Santana said, pulling Mateo into her lap. "We're going to do everything."
"What's everything?" He asked.
"There's an amusement park, with roller coaster rides-"
"Cool!" Jesús and Kyler said, with matching grins."
"There's a petting zoo, where you can do pony rides and there's a tree house and we can have a picnic." She saw a smile creep onto Sophia's face. "The aquarium."
"Yes let's start there!" Mateo squealed.
"No let's start with the roller coasters." Kyler said.
"Yeah!" Mateo agreed. Santana giggled.
"Soph?" She asked. Sophia was biting her lower lip, looking thoughtful.
"Um…We're going to do everything right?"
"Yes. But not all today."
"Yeah we need to be back here by five so I can watch total access."
"Urgh" Sophia rolled her eyes. "We're here to watch a football game, and you want to give up doing something fun to watch people talk about the football game you're anyway going to see?"
Kyler nodded proudly. "And watch the games before it. There's one at 5:30."
"We'll be back don't worry."
"But mami" Sophia whined.
"Soph." Santana chuckled. "It's half past seven. If we left right now, we would have eight hours to have fun before coming back to the hotel."
"Let's go then." She stood up.
"In your pajamas?" Jesús laughed.
"Let's go change." She said, rolling her eyes again and pulling Jesús off the couch.
As the four kids made their way to the room, there was a knock at the door.
"I got it." Jesús yelled.
"Hey wait." Santana got up. "Since when do you open the door? You don't know who's out there."
"It's Jessie"
"You don't know that."
"But it is him."
"Jesús" Santana frowned.
"Look." He ran to the door. "Who is it?"
"J man."
Jesús turned to smirk at Santana.
"Stop it." Santana pushed his head, ushering him behind her. "It's dangerous okay? When we're not at home, you let the grown up answer the door okay?"
"Okay."
She opened the door to find Jessie standing there.
"Santana." He said, smiling. "It's good to see you. They told me you weren't coming."
"I wasn't." She yawned. "Come in." She left the door open and walked into the kitchen, pouring another cup of coffee. "Do you want a cup?"
"Sure." Jessie nodded.
"Help yourself to some of these pastries." She waved at the spread before them. "I think I'm too tired to eat."
"Kids wake you up?" Jessie asked, taking a croissant.
"No. I never slept."
"Ooooh" He grimaced. "Sorry."
"It's my own fault." With her cup in hand she walked towards the bedroom. "I'm going to take a shower and try to wake up. You'll keep an eye on them?"
"You know it." Jessi winked.
"Thanks."
Just as she walked into the room, her phone chimed once, then twice, then three times. She picked it from the bedside table. Brittany had sent her close to ten messages. One was a picture of her with laying on the floor on her back, eyes closed. The message under it was ' I was supposed to be stretching. Fell asleep. Mike thinks it's hilarious.' Santana laughed, saving the picture. A new message came in.
'Don't regret it though.'
Grinning, Santana typed back a reply.
'Me either. Going to take a shower. Wish I thought of it when you were here.'
Brittany sent back a fire and tongue emoji.
'I'm coming back'
Santana laughed.
'I wish I believed that.'
'There's always tonight' Brittany replied with a winky face.
Santana was sure that by the time they were done with the football game both she and Brittany would be tired right down to their bones. She couldn't remember the last time she'd stayed up all night, and today wasn't exactly going to be a relaxing day. Still, she was going to make sure that no matter how tired they were, she would get Brittany alone in the shower.
'I'm going to hold you to that.'
"Mama let's go! Please! We have to get there early."
Brittany, who was sitting cross legged on the bed, turned to Santana, raising her eyebrows. Santana grinned innocently.
"Should I tell him you're the one holding us up?"
"No don't do that." Santana whispered.
"We'll be out in a second buddy."
They heard Kyler groan from the other side of the door.
"He's the one who insisted we watch the Giants' game. Now he wants to rush us? It's barely six, the game is at eight."
"He's excited." Santana shrugged, turning back to the mirror to finish applying her eye liner. "Did you charge your video recorder?"
"Of course." Brittany nodded.
"Good cause my phone is dying."
"MAMA!"
"No nos grites" Santana yelled. There was a moment of silence before a quiet,
"Sorry. But Jessie is here. Can we go with him and you guys come later?"
"No." Putting down her eye pencil, Santana walked to the door and opened it. "Ky take a breath. Calm down. We are going to get there with plenty of time to spare."
"But…the crowds and-"
"Pssh" Brittany scoffed, climbing off the bed. "Who do you think we are?"
"Britt?" Santana giggled, turning to look at Brittany in shock.
Ignoring her, Brittany walked to Kyler, draping her arm over his shoulder.
"We got VIP tickets love."
"Really?" Kyler asked, his eyes widening. "What does that mean?"
"It means we have parking, we have premium seats-"
"Where?" He cut in.
Brittany turned to Santana. Shaking her head in amusement, Santana went to her bag and pulled out their tickets. "Um…Lower level-"
"Center field?" Kyler cut in again.
"I don't know bud….where would it say-"
"Let me see." He walked forward and took the ticket from her. "Row 12, that's good." He said, nodding.
"Well I'm glad you approve." Santana laughed. "Uncle Noah helped us pick the seats."
"We're going to be able to see everything!" Kyler said, bouncing on the spot.
"That's not all." Brittany said, smirking. Kyler spun to face her. "You'll get to meet some of the team."
"REALLY?!" Kyler screamed, making both Santana and Brittany flinch.
"Yes." Santana laughed. "They have a little autograph signing….meet and greet kind of thing, for a few fans."
"And we get to go?"
"That's what we paid for." Brittany said, locking eyes with Santana. They had spent a lot on this little trip. The game day package for six of them, plus the hotel, plus the team jerseys Kyler had insisted they all get. It was a lot of money even by their standards.
"Who is going to be there? Will they all sign my jersey? Should I get them to sign this one or my other one?" He looked down at his white jersey with the large blue 99 in the middle.
"It'll be clearer on the white I think."
"Yeah." He nodded, quickly stripping the jersey. "They'll sign this one and I'll wear the blue one." He ran out.
"Well if he wasn't excited before." Santana laughed, walking back to the dressing table and picking her lipstick. "Do you think if we ditch them with Jessie, we can make it to the tailgate party?"
Brittany cringed. "I don't know…do we really want to leave them alone with so many people around?"
Santana smacked her lips, making sure the lipstick was perfect before turning to Brittany.
"That's why we got two extra security guys babe."
"I know, but I'll feel better if one of us is with them."
"Okay." Santana nodded. "At least we don't have to worry about lining up for food and drinks."
"True." Brittany nodded. "It was a lot of money, but it's going to be worth it."
"It was necessary."
"Totally." Brittany said. "Essential."
They grinned at each other.
"No one ever has to know how much we spent."
Brittany laughed, looping their arms together.
"That's between us and the bank."
"MUUUUM!"
"OKAY WE'RE COMING."
When they got there, it was to a parking lot so full you could barely walk. There were people standing all over the place, grilling burgers and hot dogs, others sitting in folding chairs with large coolers beside them. Almost everyone had a beer in their hands, talking and laughing loudly over the music blasting from different speakers.
Kyler was so enthralled he didn't blink once, and he wasn't alone. He, Jesús and Mateo all had their faces pressed up against their windows, trying to take everything in.
"Mami." Sophia called, sitting forward. She was sitting in the third row with Jesús and Kyler, while Brittany and Santana sat in the middle with Mateo, and Jessie drove with the other body guard in the passenger seat.
"Yeah?" Santana turned back to look at her.
"I don't…I don't think I want to go."
"Where?"
Sophia pointed out the window at the throngs of people.
"Oh honey." Santana glanced at Brittany. "It's safe okay? I promise. You can walk in between mama and I and we'll make sure no one bumps into you or anything like that until we get inside alright?"
Hesitantly, Sophia nodded.
Santana leaned over Mateo's head to whisper in Brittany's ear.
"We forgot about that."
"Yup." Brittany said, popping the P.
There were signs that directed them to the VIP parking. A staff member was standing there in a reflective vest. She walked up to the car as soon as Jessie had parked.
"Good evening and happy game day." She said cheerfully.
"Thanks." Jessie said.
"I'm just going to need to see your tickets. This is reserved parking you se-"
"Of course." Santana hoped out of the car with her purse and walked up to the lady, handing her their tickets.
The lady scanned them. "Okie dokie." She said, handing them back. "There are only six tickets with the clearance for the tour, autograph signing and on field access, so a colleague of mine will escort the six…" She trailed off, clearly unsure who had that access.
"That's me, my wife and our kids." Santana said, pointing back into the car. Brittany waved.
"Okay." The lady smiled.
"A colleague of mine will escort you to the holding area, while the other two gentlemen can wait here until the gates are opened."
"Great."
A man came out of a gate to their right, wearing a suit and a white lanyard around his neck with a nametag.
"Good evening." He said as cheerfully as the lad had and stretched out his hand for Santana to shake. "Mrs Lopez-Pierce it's an honor-"
"No, no, no." Santana quickly shook her head, noting the lady's eyes widen as she recognized her. "I'm just here as Santana, to bring my kids to their first big football game."
"Of course. I apologize."
One of the best things about being away from the industry for so long was that people had stopped making such a big fuss about her. She wasn't hounded by the paparazzi, people didn't crowd around her for autographs and even though they still recognized her, it was much less chaotic.
Santana supposed that was all about to come to an end. Once she went on tour and released the album, the madness would start up again.
"See Soph." Brittany was saying, hugging Sophia to her chest as Kyler and Jesús climbed out of the car. "We don't even need to be in those big crowds."
"For now." Santana said, knowing it was best to prepare Sophia early. They had decided not to get one of those VIP boxes way up in the stands, though Santana knew that would be far more comfortable, so that the kids, but especially Kyler could get the full experience of a game. Santana hadn't thought about how much Sophia would hate it at the time. "Eventually when we're going to our seats we will be with other people."
"Okay." Sophia looked nervously around.
"Mama can I have a hotdog?" Mateo asked. He was watching the tail-gating with a hungry look.
"We'll get snack inside okay?" Brittany said, taking his hand. "Now don't let go of my hand."
"Okay."
"Ky, Jesús." Santana called. They came up to her sides and held her hands. "I want you both to listen to me. You too Niki."
"Yes?"
"I know you're excited, and I know this is all new to you, but there are a lot of people here, a lot, and it's a big stadium."
"So you need to stick with us, all the time okay?" Brittany said, squeezing Mateo's hand. "You have to hold our hands, and if Jessie or Andrew here are around, then you just make sure you stick close."
"Okay." The three boys said.
"What about me?" Sophia asked.
"I know we don't have to worry about you." Brittany chuckled. "You'll be glued to our sides."
Sophia giggled, pressing further into Brittany.
"Everybody ready?" Santana asked.
"Yes." They all said.
"Okay." She turned to Jessie. "I'll call you when the tour and everything is done. You can meet us inside."
"At the seats?"
"No." Brittany was the one who answered. "I need you to be around before we get into the crowds.
"Okay." Jessie nodded.
It had been a while since Santana had seen Jessie in serious work mode like this, where he wasn't cracking jokes or laughing with them. She could see his eyes scanning the area around him, taking note of all the people and cars, the exits and dead ends. Andrew, the second body guard, was doing the exact same thing, though he kept talking into an earpiece. Santana assumed he was talking to the third body guard, who they had last seen at the hotel. It made her feel just a little safer.
"If you're ready ma'am, I can show you inside." The man said.
"We're ready." Kyler said, walking forward. Laughing, Brittany and Santana followed.
Inside they got passes, which they too had to wear around their necks. It made it much easier than having to scan all six tickets at every point. Instead they just flashed them to whoever needed to see, and they were let through. It was a half an hour tour and Santana seriously thought their guide needed a tip. Between Jesús and Kyler, he must have had to answer over one hundred questions, and he did so with the same pleasant smile and polite attitude as when they had started.
Once they were done, her led them to the conference room where a few of the players were signing autographs. This is where Kyler lost it. There was a short line outside the door, a staff member standing beside it told them that five people were being let in at a time.
"Who's in there?" Kyler asked eagerly.
The man smiled, crouching down to Kyler's level.
"You'll just have to wait and see won't you little guy?"
"But it must be Donald right? He's the best on the team, he has to be there right?"
"I don't know…"
"Of course you know, you work here."
"Ky, don't be rude."
Kyler merely glanced at Brittany before turning back to the man.
"Just tell me if Cam Akers is in there. I want him to sign my jersey cause he's a running back and so am I."
"Oh you play football?" The man asked, seeming genuinely surprised.
"Yes."
"Me too." Jesús piped in. "I'm a left guard."
"Wow." He looked up at Brittany and Santana for confirmation. When they nodded, he whistled. "You must be quite a team."
"Why?" Jesús asked.
"Is Stafford in there? And Puka Nacua? Wait how many are even in there?"
Another man came out of the door, calling out loudly so everyone could hear.
"Next five please!"
As the line moved forward, a second door opened down the hall, and a group of five men, looking like they were fresh into college, came walking out, jostling each other. Kyler tried to peep past the person in front of hem to see who was in the room.
"I saw Cam Akers!" He yelled. "He's in there, mami he's in there!"
"Excellent." Santana grinned. "So you'll get to meet him."
"Make sure you ask him what advice he has for you, since you play the same position."
"Okay." Kyler shifted from foot to foot, nervously wringing his hands together. "What…what else should I say?"
"Definitely don't tell him you're obsessed with him." Sophia said.
"Why not?" Kyler asked.
"Don't you want him to think you're cool?"
"I guess."
"Don't listen to her." Santana said, cupping her hand over Sophia's mouth, which made her giggle. "Tell him whatever you want to tell him."
"But not that Donald is your favourite player." Jesús said.
"Okay…" Kyler chewed his lip. "I should have brought my football."
"You would never want to play with it in case you messed up the autograph."
"Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah the shirt is better."
"Buddy relax." Brittany let go of Jesús' hand to grip Kyler's shoulder. "It's going to be okay."
"Yeah…"
The door opened again, and the same man came out.
"Next five!"
Kyler grasped Santana's hand so tight it actually hurt. He didn't move.
"Ky?"
He was staring wide-eyed into the room, his breathing fast.
"Come on love." Santana wrapped her around his shoulders and led him and Sophia into the room.
"Excuse me…" The man by the door stopped Brittany and Mateo. "Only five."
"But we're together…" Brittany pointed at Santana.
"Sorry."
"We don't want autographs, if that helps." Brittany said.
"Sorry." The man said again.
"She's his mother." Santana said, coming back out. "This is our sons favorite team, and meeting these players is dream come true for him. She wants to watch him have this experience, I'm sure you can understand that." He nodded hesitantly. "Right. And we can't exactly leave our two kids out here alone…"
"And I don't want an autograph." Sophia said.
"Me neither." Brittany said.
He eyed Mateo and Jesús sympathetically, then Brittany and finally Santana. He sighed.
"Alright go in." He said quickly. "But only five autographs."
"Thanks you." Brittany beamed. They all walked into the room.
Seven players were sitting at a long table, much like they did during press conferences, or the way Santana did at her meet and greets.
"You were asking about the little fans Evans." One of the players, Santana didn't know his name, called. Another player looked up from the jersey he was signing and grinned.
"Yes dude!" He said happily. "Hi." He waved at Kyler and Sophia, then Mateo and Jesús, who were behind.
"How old are you guys?" A third player asked, beckoning them forward. Santana had to nearly pull Kyler's hand to get him to move.
"Six." Mateo said.
"And we're all ten." Jesús said. "You're Jefferson."
"Yeah that's me." He laughed, reaching out to fist bump. Jesús happily obliged, then Mateo ran forward and did the same, even Sophia shyly tapped her knuckles against his. Kyler was frozen.
"So what's your name mister six year old?" The player who had spoken first asked Mateo. Brittany led him closer, her other hand holding the video recorder to capture the interaction.
"Nik…Mateo."
"You don't know your name?"
"I know m name." Mateo giggled. "It's Mateo, but sometimes they call me Niki."
"Who calls you Niki?"
Mateo pointed at the rest of the family in turn.
"And who are they?"
"My mums and brothers and sister."
Santana meanwhile was listening to Jesús challenge Jefferson to a race.
"Ten yards?"
"Twenty, even thirty."
"And you think you can beat me?"
"No, but I can keep up with you."
"Oooh, ooooh, ooooh" Two others players mocked, one shoving Jefferson's shoulders.
"Now if you don't accept you're a coward."
"And how do you know you're so fast? Have you ever even run on a football field?"
"Of course." Jesús said. "I play football."
"Flag football?"
"No, in the American Youth Football."
"No cap." Jefferson said, sitting forward. "Which division?"
"D1." Santana said. "12 and under."
"And you ten?" He pursed his lips and nodded. "Impressive."
"I don't play all the time. My brother is the running back."
"No caaaap." Jefferson pulled at the jersey of the man sitting two down for him.
"What?"
"This little man's the running back in D1 Youth football."
This man Santana knew. She knew him from all the hours Kyler spent studying his plays and runs. Cam Akers.
He laughed, beckoning Kyler forward, but Kyler took a step back, right into Santana.
"You okay little man?" Jefferson asked, his grin faltering. "Uh mum…" He looked at Santana, raising her eyebrows. Santana turned Kyler to see tears streaming down his face.
"Oh no." She chuckled, pulling him into her stomach. "I'm sorry." She told the players. "He's overwhelmed."
"No worries." The player next to Jefferson said. "We'll pretend we didn't see."
"Embarrassing." Sophia muttered, leaning into Jesús. As Santana turned to lead Kyler a few steps away, she smacked Sophia's head gently, but enough to let her know she'd heard her. "Sorry." Sophia said.
"Ky." Santana giggled, squatting so she could look at his face. "Just breath amor…"
He wiped furiously at his eyes, his chest heaving.
"Breath with me." She said, placing her hand on his chest. "In." She took a deep breath in, waiting for him to copy. "And out."
They repeated that a few times until his breathing was under control and he was no longer crying.
"Are you okay now?"
He nodded.
"Okay." She kissed his forehead and stood up. "Let's try this again."
Things went much smoother after that. Kyler got to ask for advice, got his shirt signed by all the players and a picture with them too. He was grinning madly as they walked out five minutes later, practically skipping down the hallway.
"He always makes a good recovery." Brittany chuckled as she tried to keep up with him since she was holding his hand.
"That he does." Santana agreed. It reminded her of what Sean had said about Kyler's anxiety, and how he needed to toughen up a bit if he was going to make football a career. Another thing she and Brittany needed to make time for.
"Whatever you're worrying about," Brittany said, slowing down so she could be beside Santana. "It can wait until we get back to California."
"Mama you're walking too slow! He said he's taking us to the field. We get to actually go on the field!" Kyler pulled Brittany forward.
"Yes." Santana said, taking a deep breath. "Yes it can."