A. N. : My, my, Mai... Suddenly feeling emotions the way you're supposed to, when you used to suppress them all before, is really rough. And on top of that, there's the whole... everything else happening right now. Poor girl. Poor girls.

Mai is so tired.

First, Azula wakes up and Mai has to worry about getting shouted at or potentially murdered for not allowing Azula to die, and then, once it became clear that Azula was in no way capable of doing anything – at all, and isn't that messed up ? – Doctor Sekiji decided to send Mai and Qin to fetch groceries, leaving Ty Lee alone to deal with whatever Azula might throw at her – she can't, she's too weak right now, but Azula can't be weak and Ty Lee doesn't know how to stand up for herself and Mai said she wouldn't let Azula hurt Ty Lee –

Blaming Doctor Sekiji isn't even right. With six people to feed, one person alone isn't enough to carry everything they need. Azula is too weak and Doctor Sekiji has to watch over her and –

It was either Mai or Ty Lee going with Qin, is the point. Ty Lee is so much better at dealing with people, and wouldn't have to be alone with Azula or leave Mai with Qin, the way she is still reluctant to do. The choice seemed obvious. And yet…

And yet Ty Lee insisted on staying. She needs me, she told Mai in private, and not for the first time Mai got the impression that these words don't mean the same for Ty Lee than for her.

She relented, nonetheless. Even if it means having to worry about Ty Lee getting hurt when she isn't there to help, even if it means having to worry about Azula being held down by her own body the way Mai was by her parents, even if it means having to cross ways with that obnoxious merchant again.

Agni, Mai wants to shove that stupid fan down the woman's throat. She seems convinced that Mai will spend more gold at her stand if she keeps on making allusions to Azula and to how clearly Mai and her sister aren't actually related and won't it be trouble if word gets out ?

Mai crosses her arms. Toys with the thin blade hidden inside her sleeve.

If she waits for the end of the day when the merchant walks home alone, maybe she'll get an opportunity to shut the woman's mouth with steel rather than gold.

Fear is as good a tool as anything Mai carries with her.

Next to her, Qin leans forward, smiling softly at the woman. What would the good Master say, he asks, if he heard you ? He closes his eyes, shakes his head.

Ah. Right. The… healer seems pretty respected in this village, probably because he is the only one of his kind – his profession – around. His – the rest of him, it appears to take a backseat when the alternative is swamp fever.

Mai didn't think of that. Of using social pressure. Of using the name of this – this person, the way Ty Lee would use the Lee name.

The fact that she can't think about him for more than an instant before wanting to tear out her own hair doesn't help.

In any case, Qin's comment worked well enough, as the merchant deflates and lets them carry on in peace.

It eats at Mai, though. Qin thought to use this tool because he doesn't know, doesn't care, about pirates. Because he isn't burdened by emotions. Even when Ty Lee questioned him, he was…

If his idea hadn't worked, would he have been able to train the merchant not to talk ?

Qin looks at her, eyebrows raised. It depends, he says. Subtle work, the kind he did with Lady Azula and her, takes time he cannot afford to waste on this kind of trifle, not in their current situation. What would be a viable solution, in theory at least, would be to take that merchant away and work her day and night, the way dissidents were managed in Ba Sing Se. However…

Ty Lee would kill you, Mai concludes for him. He nods. Adds – most likely, making Mai's lips twitch. Yeah, kidnapping a random woman to bend her mind sounds like the sort of thing that would make Ty Lee decide Qin isn't actually worth keeping around, no matter the – literal – weight he can carry.

Will they have to carry Azula in the future too ? Or will she recover enough before they have to leave this place ?

Mai's nails scrape on the now full basket she carries.

Maybe she should have anticipated this. She opened the door, allowed herself to want and refuse and choose. It's not like when Zuko betrayed, when the shock and the – grief, Qin had called it, and maybe he was right – when it all tore through Mai's walls for a time, until she managed to build them back up at the cost of her own self.

These emotions are the result of her own actions, and so long as she remains free, she will not escape them. Not unless she teaches herself how to.

You were fine when Ty Lee took you down, she says like she isn't speaking to anyone specific. Did you train yourself too ?

Teach me, she says, like an order.

Like a prayer.