Chapter 5

~ Wednesday the twenty seventh of November, mid afternoon although it feels much later ~

So much has happened, I do not know that I will have the strength to write everything today. I might break my wrist with so much to write. Where do I even start!

As the ball went very well, I think I will start with today instead and write about the ball after. It is upside down, but I like things that way better, they match my mind better.

This morning Mr Collins, our fool of a cousin, proposed to Lizzy. That is right, nine days after coming to Longbourn and meeting us all for the first time, Mr William Mutton-Head Collins, proposed to my sister, my clever, witty and beautiful sister at that. Nine days. Not that any of us would have accepted, but the bird-witted parson asked the most educated person I know to spend the rest of her life listening to his twaddle. I know it happened, I was there, and yet I still cannot believe the man would be such a nitwit!

And it is not like he asked nicely and then left when she said no, oh no, nothing like that.

He had a whole speech rehearsed, long convoluted sentences one after the other, ranging from empty platitudes spouted in his most condescending voice to full-bodied insults for my sister or our family. His patroness-tyrant wants him to marry, his exalted position required him to marry, whatever that means; his situation, so far above our own, so Lizzy should be grateful, that makes no sense as Papa is a landed gentleman and our cousin in only a parson, so not above us at all, even I know that. And then he had the gall to say that Lizzy would never get another offer, how dare he, my sister is worth so much more than any dowry, and a cleverer gentleman than he will know and offer for her, I am sure of it.

And when Lizzy declined, he just would not understand and kept saying he knew she meant to accept him, for he was so very desirable a husband. The whole thing was a disaster.

I know I should not have listened at the door from the music room, but I am so very glad I did. I do not believe I will ever hear so ridiculous a speech ever again. And no one saw me, so I didn't even get into trouble for eavesdropping.

Of course, Mama is upset with Lizzy, but everyone else is relieved. I would much rather live in the hedgerows Mama is so scared of than spend weeks, months and then years under the same roof as our fat-skulled cousin. Nine days and I already have had more than enough of him.

Papa has forbidden any further proposals from our cousin, so the man has gone to spend the day at Lucas Lodge. I will have to prepare a pot of apple butter for Charlotte, she loves apple butter and I make the best one, everyone says so even Cook. Charlotte deserves it for saving us from more whining from him.

I will take tea and come back.

LMB

~ just continuing so still Wednesday ~

After the hoo-ha created by Mr Collins calmed down, and that took a lot more time than I had patience for, we had visitors.

Mr Bingley came to take his leave for a few days, and his sisters and friend were there too. Mr Hurst wasn't but as it was only eleven on the clock, he was probably not awake. I might be a little mean, but he seems to dip deeper than old Mr Goulding used to, and he was always sleeping well past noon after any function. Isn't it odd that many men overindulge and no one seems to say much about it, yet when it is a woman, her reputation is destroyed almost instantly. That doesn't seem fair to me, even though I do not want to drink quite so much as Mr Hurst.

As usual Mr Bingley was talking only to Jane (dull, dull, dull – I have not changed my mind, but I do think they will make a dull match of it at some point nonetheless). Miss Bingley started to hint at them all removing to London for the winter, going on about how once he was in town her brother would forget all about Netherfield, which he might well do in truth if left to himself; but Mr Darcy said he was hoping to persuade Mr Hurst to hunt while Mr Bingley was in town as the weather was finally dry enough. Her face was even more lemon-sucking-like (I know that is not a real word, but it is so true, I could see her skin in yellow tones) than before.

I did not dare catch Lizzy or Mary's eye or we would have burst into laughter. Mr Darcy did look at Lizzy and he had a cough that sounded suspiciously like a snort to me, while Lizzy was shaking silently and biting her cheek. That nearly started me too, and I am so very proud I manage to stay silent. I could have hugged Mr Darcy for countering Miss Vicious as the lady was stuttering and trying to retract her previous words; I think he may prefer if Lizzy hugs him, she does give the best hugs, so warm and loving.

With his friend and brother-in-law staying, I expect Mr Bingley will be back, so Jane will be happy I suppose.

Lizzy has just asked me to walk with her as she needs to let out some energy after the day, well the week really, she has just had.

I will finish before bed or tomorrow first thing.

LMB

~ still Wednesday, last time today I hope for it is late ~

Now that was a good long walk, and not so cold as we walked fast today. That means my Lizzy was upset, but I think she is better now. And my calves will look wonderful after all that walking. I know Lizzy says I need more than a few hours every few days over only two weeks to see the changes, so I need to persevere, but I think she is wrong, and my legs are already more shapely.

Anyway, we mostly talked about the ball, she had a good evening mostly, and she said she was impressed by how well all the Bennets behaved. She did admit to enjoying her dance with Mr Darcy very well, although they talked about very unromantic things in my opinion, such as sketching characters and harvest celebrations. Mr Darcy had such a good opportunity to impress Lizzy, and he talks about tenant dances and the like, honestly I do not know what to do with these two. Although Lizzy was smiling and looking happy when she told me, so maybe he was not so wrong.

I guess I should write about what happened last night. Going with the points I had before may make it easier, but I might still get carried away, I usually do after dancing.

Deep breath.

My one did not work as well as I wanted. Mr Collins mutilated my poor sister's feet during the first dance and tried to stick to her between dances as well. At least Kitty and I persuaded him that it would be an insult to the neighbourhood to not dance with the ladies without partners. I don't think it would have been seeing how badly the man dances, in fact the neighbourhood would probably be upset at us for getting so many toes trod on, but it kept him occupied for many half hours. There was nothing we could do to stop him embarrassing himself, but at least he does not bear the name of Bennet, so we can say he is a very far away cousin and be done with him.

My second was a total success, and it was easier than I expected, I told Mary how much I enjoyed the piece I meant for her to play, as that is the type of thing Lizzy would say, Kitty was beside me and she agreed, saying it made her heart as light as a bird, and she would love to hear it in a larger room to see how it echoed, and that was all that was needed. I think Kitty really meant it too, for she smiled all the time Mary was playing, and then jumped up to hug Mary and dragged her away from the piano to discuss the piece with Anna Long, Susie's sister, who was apparently entranced by the performance. It was all very sweet really. I do not think Mary ever had so much applause at a performance, the poor dear was quite flustered by the high praise. Mary is prettier when she smiles and blushes.

Three and four ended up being just one big act of the three of us distracted and managing Mama and Lady Lucas, for Maria did not want to have to blush for her Mama either. We did very well, though I suspect Aunt Phillips had a hand in helping us – she is such a dear too, I really am lucky with a lot of my family members, am I not? I think my aunt slipped a little something, maybe laudanum, in Mama's and Lady Lucas' glass of punch soon after the dancing started as they were both much more manageable after that first cup.

Maria, Kitty and I took turn dancing and looking after our Mamas, which was far more fun than I thought it would be. We had plenty of partners, so Aunt Phillips sent some of the officers to ask other young ladies rather than the three of us. I think Lizzy spoke to our aunt as well. That is so like my sister, even while being hunted relentlessly by our hubble-bubble cousin, she took time to protect us from the prowling lions. She really is the best sister.

For number five, I tried to observe Jane and Mr Bingley, and I do think my sister is in love, yet without passion, can there be enough depth of feeling in either of them? I will not do anything to stop them getting engaged of course, as I do think that if he left, Jane's little heart would break, but I cannot believe Jane will ever be more than content with her life. Maybe that is all some people are allowed, contentment, but for myself I want so much more.

I did however help with the number six I had not committed to. As I was settling Mama at the side of the ballroom at the start of the dancing, I had no partner for the first set. I found myself standing next to Mr Darcy, who does not seem to like to dance, which is probably his biggest defect, poor man. Poor Lizzy.

We both saw Mr Collins step on Lizzy's poor feet, and I could not stop myself from muttering. I think I said something about the bumbling buffoon not being fit to dance with the pigs, let alone my sister. I don't recall exactly, but it was probably a little rude.

Mr Darcy snorted and did not try to hide it, so I apologised, but for some reason I could not stop there, and I told him how worried I was that the parson meant to propose to Lizzy, how hard her life would be with our mother once she rejected his suit, for she was sure to reject him. Mr Darcy looked quite relieved at that; I think I had seriously worried him that she might marry Mr Condescension-My-Lady.

I told him how unfair it was that Mr Collins would inherit Longbourn despite being a fool, while my Lizzy who was so much cleverer than him, and whom all the tenants and servants loved would be such a better choice to run the estate. I am certain he agreed with me, even if it would not have been polite for him to say so. He asked a few questions about what Lizzy does on the estate, and I told him the little I know.

I though about it today actually, as he looked more impressed than I have ever seen him. We all take it for granted, as Lizzy is just who she is, but I don't think it is usual for a girl to do the estate accounting, or plan the planting, or hire extra hands for harvest, or arrange repairs with the town tradesmen and skilled worker. Visiting the tenants, which she does too, often with Mary and I, is normal for ladies, but it should be Mama doing it, not Lizzy or us.

I think we all need to help her more. I do not know how we will cope when she marries. Maybe Papa will need to get a steward to help, although I do not know how one gets about to recruiting a steward.

Anyway, I will think about it later – I do that a lot, do I not? I write things and go back to them later, I will ask Lizzy if that is normal. Maybe she does the same, or maybe she is better at thinking things through the first time round. I wonder if her brain works like mine; does anyone's brain work in a different way as each others?

As I said Mr Darcy looked impressed by all Lizzy does. He said he would love for someone to teach all that to his sister – she is very shy he said, not at all like Lizzy or me, but she is kind and full of love and empathy for their tenants and servants too, so she is a bit like Lizzy.

Then he asked about Jane, as she is the eldest maybe she should do the work like Lizzy, so I told him she was the only person who could manage Mama, and by doing that, she gives Lizzy time to do all the accounting without Mama complaining that it is so very unladylike. Although recently, she has been so distracted by Mr Bingley that she has not helped as much, and the sighing and wool-gathering is wearing thin really. I told Mr Darcy he should tell his friend to make up his mind, as Jane is falling in love too much and it is not fair if he doesn't want her. Her way of being in love may lack colour and excitement, but she is a gentle person really, and her heart is more fragile than it seems. He did not reply, but he was looking at Jane later on, so maybe he will do something to shake his friend up a little.

He asked Lizzy for the third set as she already had partners for her other sets. They danced really well together; he is quite light on his feet for someone who does not like to dance, it is such a waste; Lizzy made him laugh during the dance. I don't think I had seen him laugh before, smile sometimes, yes, but not laugh. He has a nice laugh, and it sounds well with Lizzy's. Maybe he was more successful than I thought at charming my sister.

I hope he will not mind that we have no dowries, Lizzy deserves someone who admires what she does so naturally.

I think it was a very successful ball.

I hope Mr Darcy will ask to court Lizzy. Mrs Elizabeth Rose Darcy, how well that would sound!

I wonder if he has a younger cousin or relative, maybe a little less serious and who loves to dance. Now that I don't trust lion-soldiers any longer, I would really like to meet nice lively gentlemen who do not see Meryton as the African Savanna. Maybe someone who likes travelling, I would like to see the savanna one day.

I am so very tired, this was such a busy four and twenty hours.

LMB