Heads turned when Sam walked through the main entrance of the high school on Monday morning. The usual number of heads. That was fine. She strode down the hall, bopping her head gently to a song that she had heard from someone's car window on her walk to school. She had no idea what the song was. It didn't matter, she liked the beat. There had been no lyrics for the bit that she had heard and that meant that she could enjoy the music without the distraction of words. She rounded the corner to find Eddie with his hair tied in a low ponytail. She almost stumbled to halt but her body was so used to encountering things that surprised her that it went into autopilot mode and kept her moving even as her eyes stayed on him. He was wearing a t-shirt with sleeves that stopped midway down his forearms. He had nice forearms. The collar was a little loose, showing off his collarbones and the top of his spider tattoo. She filed the image of him away for future consideration. He was standing next to Jeff at the water fountain, talking animatedly about something. They both looked at her when she walked past, Eddie with a little smirk on his lips, Jeff looking annoyed. Was he annoyed that his friend hadn't learned from his actions on Tuesday night? That he was still showing interest in Sam? She looked away. She didn't care. Jeff seemed ok in a disinterested way. Like the rest of Hellfire, he had never made fun of her so that was a definite point in his favour. But she didn't care about his opinion. If Eddie liked her, if he wanted to date her, that that was up to him. Jeff would have to figure out another way to dissuade him because Sam wasn't going to let his annoyance upset her chance.
It was shortly after second period that she noticed the whispers. More looks than usual too. She was probably imagining it. She ignored it and considered the day ahead. One more class before lunch. It was raining today. She tried to remember the last time she had been to the cafeteria. It was at least a week. And that had been a Wednesday. That day, there had only been a few teachers there who would have seen her. Mondays were better. More teachers in attendance on Mondays and that meant more of them to witness her doing normal things like eating in the cafeteria like she was supposed to. Not outdoors or in the library. She sighed in resignation. Though she didn't want to, today would be a good day to make an appearance there. She would bring her lunch and her book and find a quiet spot where the teachers could see her, and she would eat and then she would leave. Duty done for another week or so.
The cafeteria was bustling when she arrived but there were a few tables at the back that were empty. She felt relief. No empty tables meant that she would have to sit on the end of one that was already partly full and that meant having to figure out whether she was taking someone else's seat that had been implicitly reserved. This way was much easier. She walked to one of the empty tables and sat in a seat at the end in case others joined her. The last thing she wanted was to get stuck in the middle of a group conversation, awkward and unsure if she should attempt to join in or just let it carry on around her. She laid her book out open on the table and unclipped the top of her lunchbox. Fresh fruit today. She had squeezed lemon juice over it this morning to keep it fresh and now she fished out a second wedge from the corner of the box and squeezed that over it too. She licked the tips of her fingers. The acidity sparked on her tongue. Wiping her fingers on a napkin, she let her hand drop to her knee as she picked up the fork with her other hand and stabbed a chunk of apple. She glanced up around the room quickly.
People were staring at her. Damn. She dropped her eyes back to her book. What was she doing that was weird? With the hand on her knee, she stroked her thumb against her fingertips. Swirling. Trying to grasp that soothing feeling. She struggled to find it. It didn't help when there were this many people staring at her. Maybe she was imagining it. She looked up again. Nope, half the cafeteria was staring at her. The cheerleader table was whispering to each other behind their hands while they were staring at her. She took a deep breath, straightened her spine and pushed her shoulders back, opening her lungs to the air. Posture was important. It was a shield. It let people think you didn't care about what they thought of you even when you did. As her eyes flickered around the room, she caught sight of Eddie. He was sitting at his usual table and he was looking at her too. At least his looks were ones that she welcomed. He caught her eye and went to stand up but as he did so, Jeff laid his hand on Eddie's forearm. Leaned in to say something to him. Eddie turned to him and said something in response. Jeff shrugged. Eddie slumped back into his chair.
Sam sat back against the chair and pulled her book towards her as she dropped her eyes to it. She stared intently at the page in front of her. The words were not going in. She gritted her teeth, careful not to let her facial muscles move in a way that would show it. She would have to just pretend she was reading. She popped the chunk of fruit into her mouth and chewed. It tasted good. Sharp. At least that was one good aspect of lunch. Bringing her own meant she could have foods she knew she liked.
She considered what she knew of social hierarchies... She knew they existed. Knew that some people understood them innately but that they could be tricky to navigate for others. And they were impossible for her. Still, impossible though they were, she knew she was at the bottom of the Hawkins High junior year's hierarchy. Probably also at the bottom of the overall high school one. Eddie was near the bottom, as were the others in Hellfire, but they had friends and a club. So, they weren't totally at the bottom. She was lower still. It was possible, very probable in fact, that Jeff's annoyance was concern for his friend's standing in the hierarchy. As she understood it, being friends with or dating the wrong person could impact your social standing. And it didn't seem to work in a balanced way. Befriending or dating up could raise your standing but only while that relationship lasted. Once it finished, you were back to your original level. Befriending or dating down, however... That could impact your standing even afterwards. She had witnessed that from afar with a couple of groups in middle school. So, Jeff was likely worried that Eddie dating Sam would pull him even further down if people found out about it. She stabbed at another piece of fruit. But Eddie didn't seem to care about social hierarchy. If anything, he railed against it. Who was Jeff worried about that would look down on Eddie if he was dating her? The guys in Hellfire? If that was the case, they didn't seem like very good friends. Her head hurt. Eddie seemed to understand this stuff better than she did. Not that that was difficult. Everyone understood this stuff better than she did. Besides, he was an adult. He could make his own decisions about who he wanted to date. Sam decided it wasn't her responsibility to own that particular problem. She had enough of her own to keep track of.
Why did people keep looking at her? Did she have something on her? She went to the girl's bathroom to check. Nothing. She looked acceptable. There was nothing to draw attention to her. So why were people whispering about her and looking at her? She checked her watch. The break after fifth period was a longer one and there was still ten minutes before her last class. She didn't want to go back out there, with the looks and the whispers. Hiding in a toilet cubicle was the easiest option. She crouched on the lid, balancing on the balls of her feet, her arms wrapped around her legs. Laying her head on her knees, she breathed. Slowly. Slower still. Push the worry down. Let your lungs fill. Let your muscles relax. Slow. She ran her fingertips over the seam on the leg of her jeans. It was raised like a scar where the denim was folded and stitched.
The door of the bathroom banged open, making her flinch. "I can't believe he went on a date with her. Like... her!" Sam recognised the voice. A senior girl. One who really disliked her for some reason.
"Kelly's little sister saw them on Friday and she's hardly one to lie about something like that. Not when she's got a chance to get onto the cheerleading team next year. So yeah, apparently The Freak is fucking The Weirdo now." The other voice was also a senior.
"Uck," the sound of gagging. "I mean, I know he must be hard up but Jesus Christ. I don't know who I feel sorrier for, him or her. They're both terrible." A pause. "You know... I heard another rumour that Nick asked her out. But like, that must be bullshit. Right?"
"I dunno... He does have a reputation for being a cherry hound. And it is pretty slim pickings amongst the sophomores this year."
"Jesus..." The sound of water running as the faucet was turned on.
"Yeah. Can you imagine though...? Like, she'd just lie there. Frigid."
"Maybe that's the kind of shit that Munster's into. Complete and utter fucking disinterest while he ruts into her. Assuming she even understood what he was doing." The girl affected a nasally robotic voice, "What is this thing that humans call emotion?"
A sharp laugh from the other girl. "Come on. Time to go. Your makeup looks fine. If you keep touching it up, you'll just fuck it up." The door slammed behind them.
Cherry hound. Sam hadn't come across that phrase before. But knew what 'popping one's cherry' meant and she was a smart girl, she could extrapolate from that. It would certainly explain Nick's motivations. Still, it would be good to get confirmation of the phrase's meaning to be sure. She'd ask Eddie later. He'd tell her. The other words didn't bother her. Those girls didn't know her. Their opinions didn't matter.