Chapter 9: Vacations.

Li Shou had decided to use Lenny's vacation days to take him and me on a little tour through space, visiting some of his facilities outside of Phellus, to then end up resting a few days on Li Shou's "capital planet", which I might add, was possibly the place most jealously guarded by him: as far as he knew, none of his infiltrated agents or his contacts on every planet or enemy faction knew its exact location; not even the address of his portal. Which was logical, considering he must have kept himself hidden from the System Lords, the To'kra, the Free Jaffa, the Replicators, the Ori, and of course, the Lucian Alliance and Earth; he even went to the trouble, over the years, of erasing all mention of himself or the location of his planets in every Goa'uld record he encountered.

So far, none of his enemies had discovered it, and he hoped it would stay that way. And now I would have the privilege of getting to know that world.

First we went to an orbital facility where we saw Hephaestus working as an overseer in a fully automated shipyard, whose workers were the "ushebtis", robots with limited AI that did all the work: while I learned that the Goa'uld preferred slave labor for both practical and megalomaniacal reasons, Hephaestus and Li Shou preferred robots that did much more precise and efficient work, but that they were unable to use them because of the refusal of the System Lords and the latter's fear that such robots would turn against them: now that almost all the System Lords were dead, their opinion was worth shit.

Several Ha'tak were built over a period of a few weeks, but there was also a new type of fighter, similar in appearance to the Death Glider: everything looked in order from the observation dock where several finished ships rested.

— "The new generation Death Glider will be ready for a few months, Li Shou."

— "Excellent, Hephaestus."

— I noticed something: these don't seem to have manned cockpits.

— "That's because they'll be fully automated, Hard Drive." -the cyborg Goa'uld commented to me- "We'll dispense with pilots altogether."

— "I don't plan to trust the Jaffa again." -Li Shou growled- "It's time for us Goa'uld to do things right."

— You mean they'll be robots all the way?

— "Not exactly: they'll be half cybernetic and half organic, with metal armor on the outside and an organic organ system and life support, with the intelligence level of a trained animal: enough to be quite automaton-like. They'll even be able to learn and improve through experience."

— Sounds amazing. -I blurted out after Hephaestus' explanation- Where did they get something like that?

— "From the same star system and civilization where I discovered FTL jump technology thirty years ago. And yes: every fighter will be able to have that propulsion system apart from the sub-lights. By the way, did you make sure to install the telencephalic inhibition system, Hephaestus?"

— "Of course, Li Shou. However, I want to discuss something with you: the fighters are hardware ready, but they require software to operate: I must design a flight and combat program. Unfortunately, we can't rely on the Jaffa's skills."

— "Don't worry: I already know what we need. And I know where to get the best flight program in the galaxy: you'll have it in no time. Get on with the job here."

— "Understood, Li Shou."

After that visit, we went to an orbital station whose design was the same as the old Hassara Station, except that this newer version was outfitted as a defense station armed with plasma cannons, laser beams, railguns, missiles and an FTL device that would allow it to travel several light years away. As in the space shipyard, the ushebtis were in charge of construction, and I was even more surprised to learn that there were two other stations under construction and one more to be started: all thanks not only to the robots, but also to Asgard matter conversion technology.

Li Shou was preparing for a future war against Minos, and for our own sake, for the sake of our business, and for the rest of the galaxy, we had to win.

After our inspection, which lasted about three days, we went in the direction of Li Shou's planet where we would spend about four days, which has no fixed name, but is sometimes referred to as "Kathay", which was the same name of the continent where the Mishima Empire was settled on my planet. Coincidence? Who knows? It's worth saying that to get there we went through at least three planets through the gate; Li Shou's precautions might have been exaggerated, but with Minos lurking, it was better to be safe than sorry.

When I crossed the gate to that planet for the first time, I was greeted by spectacular scenery: the gate was on a platform near a mountain path; rugged cucumber-shaped mountains partially covered by vegetation could be seen in the distance, a vegetation made up of temperate forests and partially covered in cold, damp mist; in the distance, a city could be seen perched on the slopes of a nearby mountain. The sky was partially covered by fluffy clouds and some fog, but the sky that could be seen through the clouds was a splendid blue. The air was cool and moist, laden with the scent of damp earth, fresh grass and fragrant flowers.

In fact... next to the gate and in the distance there were pink spots, which were from a blossoming tree that when I saw one of the flowers on the ground, and one of the trees nearby, were cherry blossoms! And it smelled sweet too!

It was all so... relaxing, peaceful... beautiful.

Those landscaping details, together with a nearby wooden roofed gate and some stone ornaments reminded me of Celican architecture in Phellus, or Chinese on Earth. Not strange considering that Li Shou pretended to be a god of that human culture.

— "Welcome home, Kevin. I trust you'll keep everything about this place a secret." -said my host- " Tell me, what do you think?"

— If I may say something corny, boss... You've got a nice planet here.

— "Thank you. And I'll let you, because you're right."

— So, shall we spend our vacation here?

— "Of course. In fact, they'll be coming for our luggage shortly." -he commented with his travel bag over his shoulder; I had brought mine, too- "Do you like cherry trees?"

— Huh? Oh, yes: they're very... pretty. Like the ones on Phellus or Earth, but I don't remember them having a scent like this.

— "That's because I created these millennia ago." -he explained, leaving me stunned for a few seconds- "The original variants of sakura don't have aromatic flowers, or produce fruit, so I used my knowledge of genetics to create in just under a decade a more profitable ornamental plant: beautiful, aromatic flowers in spring and sweet, juicy fruit in summer."

— Oh... Well, they look great on you... although I doubt I'll be able to taste the cherries during our stay. And why would you do such a thing?

— "Mmm... It will sound silly to you, but I've always found it pleasant to frolic under those trees, and more so in their flowering season. Even in the legends of China something similar is mentioned about me."

— Who knew my boss had a sensitive and innocent side?

— "I recommend you keep that information to yourself, Kevin. Unless you want to suffer." -he replied; he sounded threatening, but I knew he was only joking when I saw him smile- "Here comes the welcoming committee: let me get it."

The "committee" was a couple of young humans with Asian features -I had become familiar with the human races- led by a much older one. They were all dressed in very traditional elegant silk clothes of red and black with gold accents, as well as looking impeccably groomed. The young men were probably in their early twenties, but the old man was probably over a hundred considering his gray hair, wrinkled skin and slow walk. One detail was that unlike the young men, which I noticed when I got closer to him, he was not Asian, but Caucasian and blue-eyed.

That caught my attention, but since the Goa'uld did not pay attention to human racial and ethnic groups when settling their slaves on their planets, I didn't think much of it at the time. The other thing was that it didn't surprise them that we weren't human: maybe Li Shou had accustomed them with his kat appearance.

— Welcome home, my lord Li Shou. -said the old man bowing and kneeling next to the young men. Curiously, he spoke fluent Mercian- You please us with your presence.

— "The pleasure is mine, Camit. Tell me, is everything ready?"

— The palace is ready to receive you, my lord. We have arranged the gardens, the guest room and the onsen. -he turned to see me- Is this your guest of honor?.

— "That's right, Camit: his name is Kevin, but you can refer to him as Lord Hard Drive." -damn: which I did so I didn't choke when I heard that or laugh at the title- "I trust he will be well received as you do your god."

— Have no doubt, my lord: he will be treated with the highest honors. -he gave two claps- Cheng, Feng...

He must have told them in Chinese to take our luggage, because they did just that without saying a word; then we descended a stone staircase to a well-paved path with a rather large rickshaw waiting for us: it was not like the ones I knew, but larger, almost like a traditional carriage, except that instead of horses, it would be the two young men who would drive the vehicle after arranging the luggage in a rear compartment in the manner of a car or cab luggage rack: Camit sat in the lower seat in the manner of a coachman and Li Shou and I in the back as passengers.

The trip took almost half an hour - the young men were strong and fast, but they would not outrun a horse or a motor - passing through stony landscapes, a bridge crossing a river, forests and agricultural fields. Li Shou told me a few things about that planet: it was barely smaller than Phellus but with a similar gravity, 28-hour day, a pair of moons, 40% covered in water, extremely fertile land, rich in mineral resources such as precious metals and naquadah, a temperate climate and vegetation, and a human population of just 60 million people scattered in various villages and cities across the planet in the midst of the post-medieval era, similar to the early Renaissance. I learned that this was one of the planets where he cultivated kassa and from where he exported it to trade with the Lucian Alliance.

Li Shou also told me that while he detested pre-industrial societies, he found this planet a peaceful place to rest and take a break, as well as "relive" times gone by. At a certain point, Camit excused himself to his master by reminding him that due to his arrival, a procession would be held in the capital city in his honor, which Li Shou politely thanked by nodding silently, but from what I could see out of the corner of my eye, the procession thing was something he detested. I found it strange that we were traveling in a rickshaw and not in some ship, but it was part of the "folkloric charm" of the place, according to my boss.

We chatted between the two of us about trivia and admired the scenery until we reached the palace.

Holy Kats, Li Shou's palace...

The Imperial City of Katanaga in Phellus and the Forbidden City of Beijing on Earth were my first comparisons, but they didn't even come close: the place was on a plain next to a mountainside and a waterfall, and it was extremely large, with several wings, blocks, galleries and rooms, and all surrounded by a great wall. When we crossed it, I saw splendid gardens and fountains in Celican and Mishimese styles perfectly manicured. And of course, I saw several servants tending to them, as well as... cats. There were many domestic cats running around there.

I knew I was in for something impressive and luxurious, but I didn't think it was on that level. If this was what Li Shou's palace-sanctuary that was an Underlord was like... What would the System Lords' be like? The most surprising thing is that he himself told me that he would rather live in a suburban house in Megakat than in such a palace, was he crazy? Well... maybe not, but it still seemed incredible to me.

The interior was just as amazing: black, red, gold and jade green were the dominant colors on the wooden walls and partitions, stone columns, roofs and paper chandeliers. Guided by the servants and Li Shou, I saw corridors and rooms with splendid furnishings, decorations and paintings; arriving at the throne room, which sometimes served as a prayer shrine and even an audience hall for Li Shou, I was perplexed: there was a richly carved stone throne with two guardian lion figures on the buttocks, as well as beautiful landscape paintings and Li Shou's emblem behind the throne, made not of gold, but of polished jade of an intense green.

After the sightseeing tour, quite long by the way, I was escorted next to Li Shou by one of the young servants who carried my luggage to my room: it looked like a hotel room combining Celican/Chinese culture with modern comforts; in fact, I learned that despite its traditional appearance, modern technology was present in the palace: electric light, temperature and humidity control system, internal plumbing... there was even a clock with hands adapted to the hours here. The young man left the luggage next to the bed, bowed to Li Shou and left quietly, leaving us alone.

— "What do you think of my humble home?" -asked my boss ironically leaning through the door- "Do you like it?"

— Are you kidding me, boss, it's unbelievable! This place is a veritable imperial palace!

— "I'll take that as a yes. Don't be surprised: we Goa'uld have lived like this for centuries." -he took a few steps towards me, looking at me in a complicit manner- "Although just between us here, I have no problem living in a simple apartment like yours or in a house like Lenny's."

— Let me guess: you're the typical rich kid who comes to suffocate from all the luxury around him and prefers a simpler life.

— "Something like that. But it's best to have access to both worlds, don't you think?"

— Yes, I think you're right.

— "It's sixteen o'clock now; it will be dark at twenty-one and we'll have dinner at twenty-three. You can take a nap if you wish, or wander the gardens while I attend to matters of planetary bureaucracy."

— And divine business.

— "Agh, see... that shit." -he grunted somewhat jaded- "THANK YOU for reminding me, Kevin."

— You're welcome. Hey, boss... people here don't speak my language, what will I do if I need anything?

— "There's a mini-fridge and a bathroom in the room; but if you need anything else, use the control on your bedside table to call Camit and he'll take care of you. By the way: if there's time to spare, you might want to join me in the onsen before dinner. And maybe a massage."

— WHAT?

— "Obviously we'll be getting massaged by women, Kevin."

— But... Onsen? You mean those traditional hot springs where you...?

— "Do you feel self-conscious or something? Come on: you don't have anything I haven't already seen." -he mocked me; I frowned somewhat annoyed- "We came here to relax and have fun, Kevin. I think you deserve it."

— Oh... Thanks, boss. I'll think about it.

— "I'll be back in a few hours. Try not to get bored."

After my boss said goodbye, I was left alone in the room; I lay down on the bed and after a couple of minutes admiring it in silence and fiddling with my cell phone, I took a little nap on that comfortable bed with silk sheets.

I woke up extremely refreshed about two or three hours later judging by the clock in the room, and since I had nothing to do, I went out to the gardens to get some fresh air. I strolled through the gardens with beautifully manicured plants, water fountains with koi fish and garden ornaments in silence, clearing my mind and avoiding the curious glances of the gardeners, who despite their curiosity, went on with their work.

I sat down on a stone bench to frolic, only to have seconds later one of the garden's many cats climb onto my lap and settle down to sleep. It was... initially uncomfortable for me to have an animal -and pet- that was a distant relative of my species so close to me, but I ended up accepting its company; now I understand why humans -and some Goa'uld like Li Shou- liked cats as pets.

I stayed like that for a while until I saw Camit approach me with his cane. Carefully, I took the cat off my lap and invited the human to join me; as he was the only person I could talk to because of the language barrier, I decided to have a conversation with him. It wasn't too fruitful a conversation though; Camit was a high-ranking servant, but he was still just that, a servant: a type of person instructed to listen, take orders and obey his superiors without complaint. He didn't show much curiosity about my home and my family, limiting himself to asking about the name of my planet, if I found the palace facilities comfortable and if I was having a good time; I answered him affirmatively as much as I could, although I admit I was a bit bored: I was a simple city man in an almost country setting but equally luxurious and with few to talk to and entertain me... And besides, I belonged to a different species than the one that lived there.

On the other hand, Camit didn't give too much information about himself either: he claimed to come from a planet which had no name, and that Li Shou adopted him as a servant almost seventy years ago, keeping him faithful and obedient since then, helping him to keep things in order in the palace and on this particular planet: in short, he was almost a kind of vizier. Something didn't quite fit me about the old man: it wasn't just that he was of a different race than almost all the humans here, but that he spoke perfect Mercian/English. It was... curious.

Anyway, I was able to get something out of him: he told me about how Li Shou ruled this planet. Basically, he acted more like a divine emperor than a god, and because he stayed here so little, almost all the government rested with the governors of the provinces into which the planet was divided; when Li Shou was present, he would receive the governors in long audiences to catch up and approve -or disapprove- their actions; when he stayed on the planet, he dictated the orders and his governors enforced them. It was not exactly a democracy, but everything indicated a relatively fair government considering the technological level of that planet... and more so coming from a Goa'uld.

He also told me about the famous processions, which were a type of popular festival of religious nature in honor of Li Shou, who had to participate when he was present wearing ceremonial costumes. Camit gave himself the liberty to laugh a little when he mentioned that his "god" did not like to participate because of the complex preparations and how long the celebrations could be. I imagined the scene and couldn't help but laugh.

After Camit left, saying he had to attend to the palace kitchens, I went back to my room to take a shower and lie down; by twenty-three o'clock, Camit had me called to meet Li Shou for dinner. After a somewhat casual change of clothes though without looking like a slob, I followed the elderly human to the dining room, where Li Shou was waiting for us wearing slightly more traditional dark-colored clothing with gold accents-including his emblem on the chest-consisting of black pants with a sleeveless jacket. As for the dining room...

Holy... Kats...

The dining room was quite large: it had a polished floor of green and black stone, similar to jade and onyx, the walls were red with golden touches and everything was illuminated with artificial light disguised in traditional paper lamps. There were two tables, both made of black lustrous wood and with red tablecloths; a small one for Li Shou and me with the corresponding cutlery, and another long and VERY large one -in front of which the servants were in stoic position- where there were all kinds of plates, trays and porcelain and fine silverware containers full of food: spring rolls, steamed dumplings, vegetable fried rice, roast duck, fried mantou, shaoimai, soups and various other dishes, among them traditional desserts and some more modern ones consisting of fruit and pastries... plus four porcelain bottles: two had sake, and others I would later discover had beer.

All that food was for the two of us? IT LOOKED MORE LIKE A RESTAURANT OR HOTEL BUFFET!

Li Shou said something to Camit in Chinese; he bowed and withdrew with the other servants leaving the two of us alone after closing the heavy wooden doors.

— "I hope you're hungry... and that you like Celican/Chinese food in a more traditional style. Well... as traditional as possible since in some cases creative liberties were taken by using some local spices in the way of meat, vegetables, fruits or spices."

— Are you sure we can eat all of this?

— "We could try." -he scoffed- "Besides, may I remind you that I eat for two: for me and Lenny. I hope you won't mind if I get rid of the butlers; the last thing I want to do is spoil you."

— Ha! Yes, of course. But that's all right: then we can talk to each other straight.

— "On that we agree." -he poured himself a white porcelain plate and walked over to the big table; he closed his eyes for a moment- Go ahead: help yourself, Kevin.

It had been a long time since Lenny had shown up since the vacations began: that made me feel less self-conscious and I went straight to the table, helping myself first to what I knew, and then, encouraged by my friend, to eat what I considered more exotic. In between bites, as well as sips of sake and beer, we chatted like any duo of close friends over a casual meal about anything trivial, leaving aside the alien stuff and so on...

After the meal, dessert came, and then we continued drinking for a while longer and ended up getting drunk, burping and laughing uproariously; by this time, Lenny had regained control of his body so he could have fun, as Li Shou could appear to be more sober and not cause a scene in front of the servants. Late at night, Lenny returned control of his body to Li Shou and escorted me to my room before returning to his rooms so they could both go rest without attracting attention; I for my part, ended up lying on my bed, sound asleep from drunkenness.

After almost ten hours of sleep in one of the most comfortable beds I have ever been in in my life, Camit came to wake me up to tell me that Li Shou required my presence for breakfast; after a brief shower and change of clothes, I followed the human to Li Shou's private garden, an exclusive place but equally or even more beautiful than the palace gardens, where the terrace with a large cherry blossom tree and a spectacular view of the waterfall stood out. After a simpler breakfast at a small table for two, and with less exotic dishes, accompanied by pleasant conversation, Li Shou told me that we would prepare for the procession this afternoon.

— Wait, I'll come too?

— "Of course; you'll be something of a minor god. Don't worry; you won't have to say or do anything special: just look important and serious."

— Ah, okay...

— "You'll have to wear more... traditional clothes, though.

— Shit.

For the next few hours, Li Shou went through baths, massages and an entourage of servants dressing him to look spectacular for the procession; in another part of the palace, the same thing was happening to me. Fortunately, Camit was there to help me: he had managed to get me some privacy at bath time, I declined the massage for the moment, and the old man had brought me some clothes he thought would be more to my liking: a black silk men's hanfu, with wide sleeves and an ankle-length skirt instead of pants. I didn't like it, but I had no choice.

The procession was... interesting, but above all, LONG, lasting almost all day from noon until the afternoon hours, staying inside a large palanquin carried by young men, together with Li Shou and other servants starting at the palace, passing through the roads, the farms, the rice fields until reaching the city.

On the one hand, it was impressive to see the devotion of these people towards my boss, seeing him as a benevolent emperor and god every time they saw him "blessing" the fields or thanking the gifts and festivals in his honor: the music that sounded in the city when our caravan arrived was impressive and quite joyful. The city was decorated with red paper lanterns, banners, and people wore their best costumes. Really impressive and magnificent.

On the other, it was amusing to see Li Shou in a traditional emperor's attire made of silk and full of jewels and precious stones, plus the ridiculous hat, trying to disguise how tedious he was finding the whole god-like role he was playing in front of these people. This made me wonder if my boss really appreciated or at least took a little consideration of his subjects, or viewed them with indifference or even contempt. I don't really know.

For my part, the duration of this religious spectacle annoyed me: I stood behind Li Shou in complete silence going almost unnoticed trying not to fall asleep from boredom; luckily, parts of the festival and the views of the city entertained me enough. Not to mention the final fireworks display.

# # # # #

At sunset, we were returning to the palace, ready to rest. After changing clothes, Li Shou invited me to spend the rest of the day in the onsen to relax; although I was uncomfortable with the idea, I did not deny that I needed to relax after hours of standing, so I accepted.

I had to learn the rules of an onsen, as I had never been to one, or something like a spa: I only knew that I would end up being in a kind of hot water pool next to Li Shou/Lenny... totally naked; now I knew that I had to wash before entering the hot water, the towels, the yukata to wear after the bath, etc... After going to the changing room, passing through the washing area, -doing this without looking at my boss, who had gone ahead- I went to the hot springs.

There Li Shou was already there, quite comfortable and relaxed...

Oh, shit.

— "Are you coming in, Kevin?" -he asked, watching me out of the corner of his eye as I still had my crotch covered by my paws- "Or are you going to continue to be embarrassed?"

— Mmm... Boss, I imagine you're familiar with the showers they usually have in middle or high schools.

— "Of course."

— Then you must know I've always hated those places. Damn: I feel so... ridiculous.

— "Agh... For Apep; you guys and your modesty."

— It's easy for you: you're an asexual being inside someone's sexual body!

— "Sigh..."

— Sorry, boss.

— "Bah, it's nothing: that's technically true. Anyway, I admit that as a Goa'uld, it takes some getting used to seeing the host's private parts, and even more so when you've seen those of several different species." -he paused, resting his head on the edge of the pool- "It's a little uncomfortable, but you get used to it. Well, are you planning to join me?"

— Uh... well...

I went in being careful not to slip or fall abruptly into the water and splash my boss; all the time I kept feeling embarrassed. Once inside, I tried to relax: I must admit that the water was great, at a good temperature and scented with natural herbs; that helped a bit. I put myself at a good distance from Li Shou and leaned my head over the edge of the pool, letting it do its job. I didn't know whether to remain silent or say something; I didn't want to talk about anything that would worry or bother us, nor did I want to look under the water.

It ended up being Li Shou who initiated the conversation.

— "I find it funny that you're so modest considering how many times you've gone to whorehouses with Lenny and me."

— Hey...it's not the same getting naked in front of a woman as it is in front of a man.

— "What do you mean?" -he asked showing intrigue- "Is it the sex?"

— Well...

— "Are you afraid that if a man sees you naked, he will be attracted to you?"

— Uh...

— "Do you think Lenny and I are gay?"

— Holy Kats, no! -I exclaimed, almost jumping out of the water- No way, boss!

— "Just kidding, Kevin. Although... technically, since I'm biologically asexual, that doesn't matter."

— What? -I looked nervously at Li Shou; he gave a sly grin- You're kidding me, right?

— "It's so easy." -he laughed cheekily- "Although if I think about it again, I find it absurd that you feel ashamed of your body now than before you met me, taking into account the months of training you've been doing. You've improved your appearance and physical aptitude."

— I guess you're right. Thanks, boss.

He just nodded and stood there, silent and visibly relaxed; I tried to do the same and seize the moment: I was thousands of light years away from home, enjoying luxuries I had never before imagined within my reach. Little by little I was getting used to the onsen, downplaying my modesty.

I was encouraged to start a conversation, trying not to touch on topics such as Minos, the SGC or the Swat Kats, and we talked about the procession: I told him my impressions of it, which seemed to satisfy him; he confessed to me in turn that it is one of the things he hates most about his divine pantomime, because of the traditional attire and how long and uncomfortable the procession can be, although he accepted the gifts gladly and liked the festival music and fireworks.

When I asked him about whether he felt anything for those people, he looked at me like I was a weirdo and just blurted out "they are my subjects; I must take care of them." I think maybe he cares a little bit about them, but he doesn't want to admit it; and I don't know if he cares about being sort of like "his people," or sort of like his pets just like his cats or those spiders in his giant terrarium in one of his living rooms. I don't know, and I didn't know if I wanted to find out; anyway, I think Li Shou noticed that discomfort of mine and asked about my earnings.

— Ah... They're doing well, boss: selling naquadah and kassa is making me rich. Good thing you have those hidden exchange houses in Megakat to exchange it for dollars.

— "Cash is more useful than payment in kind; at least on Phellus and Earth." -he commented before exhaling a sigh of relief- "So far our business with the Lucian Alliance is quite fruitful, and it's good to see you're making progress in the galactic black market business."

— Yes, but I can't spend my money just like that, or I'll attract attention. I think I'm richer than Mayor Manx now."

— "You don't have to worry: when Phellus is officially under my control, you can spend your money however you want and even have apartments and luxury cars. If you want to, of course."

— I'll see what to spend it on, boss. Hey, I have a curiosity, if you don't mind me asking.

— "Go ahead."

— I remember you're an aquatic being. Doesn't being in the water bring back memories of when you... well... didn't have a host?

— "It's my understanding that most mammalian species have a sort of "nostalgia" for the maternal womb after birth, and they reminisce about it by being in the water. I guess it's the same with me: this place is... soothing; at least there are no predators."

— Ah...

— "To tell you the truth, I think I'll rest and cede the body to Lenny: it's been an exhausting day. Talk to you later, Kevin."

Without telling me more, he closed his eyes, then opened them... only at that moment it was Lenny, visibly surprised by the suddenness of Li Shou's withdrawal: seeing where we were, he almost jumped out of the water, which made me laugh. He clearly felt the same embarrassment as I did at being naked in public.

— Hehehehe... Dude, are you okay?

— I hate it when he does that without warning. -he said, covering his crotch underwater- Holy Kats!

— I thought even with Li Shou having control of your body, you were aware of what was going on outside.

— I am! But I would have prepared myself in advance! It's uncomfortable enough knowing that an alien sees your parts... Now you...!

— I understand you perfectly, Lenny. Don't worry: I won't laugh.

— Sigh... Anyway. -he settled back down on the edge of the pool- So far, I know you're having a good time.

— Yes, although it will take me a while to get used to it.

— I felt the same way: it was very strange to be here. Now I admit I like it: the massages, the onsen, the gardens... and let's not even talk about the food. -Lenny frowned- But...

— Yes?

— Tomorrow Li Shou has numerous private audiences with peregrines seeking his "blessing".

— And that's bad because...

— I don't like that job.

— Why is that?

— You know Li Shou is like a fertility god because of all that stuff about associating with cats as a control for mouse pests plaguing crops. -Lenny looked into the void with disdain- Well... not just the fertility of the fields.

— I mean... -I was quick to connect the dots- Oh, shit. You mean he...?

— He has sex with... human... women. Yes.

— Oh... It must be... weird.

— I'm still not used to it, but it's not so bad: here he has a harem of young women to please him sexually. They and he don't care about the difference in species. The problem is that the girls coming tomorrow... are underage.

— WHAT?!

I almost jumped out of the water at the sound of it; between the surprise, disapproval and indignation that came over me. I could be a criminal, and I liked sex as much as any man, but I had limits. I was about to walk out of there, but Lenny held me back to hear the explanation, again pointing out that he didn't like that detail at all:

As expected, in pre-industrial societies like Kathay's, young people were engaged at young ages, practically in their teens, so it was normal for girls at 15 or 16 to be married and beginning to give birth. Families would go to Li Shou to bless their daughters at marriageable age to ensure their fertility and thus have a good marriage, not to say, raise their status before such honor. How? By having sex with the girl.

That's right: the parents allowed their daughter to have sex with their "god," who was much older than she was. Lenny was 26 years old, but Li Shou was about fifteen thousand... Still, Li Shou kept his word, subtly supplying his bedmate with a drug that stimulated female fertility.

Although, from his perspective, almost everyone must have seemed like children to him, -including me- it still sounded unfair to Lenny, and quite... repugnant to me, the whole sex with minors thing, even if he kept his word. In the end, it seemed all a ploy of his to sleep with young girls when he might as well give them the drug by more conventional methods; although that didn't sound too "divine" and mystical like sleeping with a god, did it? I debated with Lenny about it, but we were at an impasse; not because we had opposing views, but because we couldn't see a way out of it.

— He was right when he told me there were things I wouldn't like about him.

— I know... But I had to tell you, especially since I'll be at it all day tomorrow.

— But you don't want to, Lenny.

— It's one of the few things where I don't have a choice.

— If he knows you don't like doing it... Why did he let you tell me?

— Because sooner or later you would have to know: I wanted you to know, and Li Shou wants to trust you. And compared to other things he did in the past, this is very little. -He looked back at me, crestfallen- Are you angry with me?

— No... I can't, and I don't want to: you're my friend, Lenny, and it's clearly not something you want to do.

— But with Li Shou...

— I'm upset, yes, and more so now that I know he's making you do those things. -I replied; Lenny still looked disappointed and guilty- But I can't hold it against him; not after all he did for me. Damn it: we're in his house, the place he fights hardest to keep hidden in the whole galaxy. Shit, I feel like garbage.

— If it makes you feel any better... I think he's starting to consider our point of view.

— Why would you say that?

— Think about it: it was obvious you wouldn't want to know, and that's why he left it up to me to tell you. Maybe... he thought you'd be upset with him.

— Are you saying that... he wants us to continue to get along?

— I've told you before: he'll never say it openly, but I'd venture to say, he sees us both as more than just partners, but as... fr...

— Friends? Really? -I asked somewhat incredulously, though not as much as I thought- But he... is a Goa'uld.

— That's why he won't say it openly; he may not even believe it himself or want to accept it. I share body and mind with him, Kevin: his not hiding it from me is a good sign.

Or I might be lying to you, I thought. It wasn't something I wanted to mention out loud, or even think about, but the idea was there. After all, what I knew of the Goa'uld backed it up: treacherous, manipulative, egomaniacal... Why would Li Shou have to be any different? And then I thought of the Tok'ra: if they had abandoned many of the Goa'uld's bad habits, why shouldn't Li Shou? After all, the Goa'uld no matter how parasitic they were, were intelligent, and could learn.

And change.

And on the other hand, I liked the idea that Li Shou was really my friend... who at the same time was my boss: I wanted to believe it. Maybe Lenny was right after all: maybe he was different.

He might not change some of his habits, but the possibility was there.

— I'm sorry I ruined the onsen night with this discussion.

— Forget it, man. -I replied to Lenny a little more calmly, trying to forget about it- Let's try to make the most of our vacation and enjoy the moment. How often does one go to a hot spring bath like this?

— Good point. Thanks, Kevin: you seem to feel more comfortable here than before.

— I'm getting used to it. Dark Krud didn't even buy me a glass of milk when I worked for him. And now I'm here in a palace with a sauna.

— Did you expect to see Dark Kat naked?

— HOLY KATS! LENNY, DON'T SAY THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT!

My friend laughed his head off, to which I responded by splashing him with water; in a few seconds we ended up playing water war like little kids at the beach. That helped me relax and I had a lot of fun, besides feeling, for a moment, quite free.

We stayed for another hour until we decided to change clothes, have a light dinner in the dining room with our yukatas on, and then go to sleep.

The next day was somewhat boring: apart from breakfast with Li Shou on his terrace, I didn't see him until the afternoon hours; he had clearly been very "busy" with those young girls. Although at breakfast he offered me his private harem, full of women ready to please me, I kindly declined: I was still not used to the idea of having sex with human women. I spent most of the day in my room, the gardens or in the recreation room - where there was a TV, video games, billiards, etc. - and even in the gym: in that palace there was everything, although not within reach of the servants; if I needed anything else, that's what the trusty Camit was there for. When I went back to see my boss, we were in the recreation room without touching the subject of his "fertility treatments", having fun with Play Station 3 games and DVD movies like "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" and "2012". I love disaster movies, and humans are great at making them.

Already on the third day of our stay, there were more interesting things: a tour by ship to the main provinces of the planet where Li Shou would first see how things were going; although I did not do much, it was interesting to see the varied landscapes of that planet. On the way back, my boss proposed me to visit the city in the company of Camit before returning to the onsen; I accepted without hesitation: I was curious to see it.

Camit served as guide and translator: in addition to showing me the wonderful city and its streets, if I found something in the stores that caught my curiosity, he provided me with it. I ended up with some interesting souvenirs on that tour, and the city left a good taste in my mouth for its traditional architecture and the warmth of its people; they may have looked at me with some fear as a kind of god, but they were always friendly. After that tour, I went back to the onsen with Li Shou and we had a good time without touching on controversial topics again.

Before going to sleep, he took me to the basement of the palace, where he kept his biggest secrets: a huge room that served entirely as a computer and holographic room with a highly detailed map of the galaxy and the locations of all or almost all the planets known to the Goa'uld and the SGC; through a console at one end of the room, which he showed me how to use, you could access the map. It was so complete that it showed basic data of each planet such as its physical profile, demographics and even the covert agents -if any-, profile, mission and location; among them, there were Earth and Phellus. That map, besides being incredible and interesting, had a valuable source of information, being one of the most complete in the galaxy and one of the few that showed the location of the planet where we were now.

— I didn't know the Milky Way was a barred spiral... And somewhat twisted.

— "Astronomical observations over long millennia, and information I obtained from the Atlantis Expedition confirm that this is what it looks like in intergalactic space. As for the deformation, it is possibly due to interaction with satellite galaxies or ancient collisions with them. Anyway... What do you think of the map?"

— Impressive, boss. And you did it all by yourself?

— "Yes, and it took me a while: years actually. From gathering the equipment, the programming to the data and star charts of almost all the System Lords; that last one took me centuries thanks to my spy network. It also has SGC locations on record, and others that I've discovered on my own and kept secret, like where I found the FTL jump technology or some of the planets I've visited with you."

— Great.

— "That's how I control my spy network, consult my star charts, among other things."

— You really have a treasure here.

— "That's why it's here underground, and with highly restricted access: only with my permission. If the System Lords had discovered it, they would have executed me... maybe even eaten me after extracting me from my host. In fact, there is an almost exact copy in my sanctuary on Yu's planet, but its information is much more limited: the one you see here is much more complete."

— Don't you think it's a bit risky?

— "Yu stopped paying attention to me after I proposed that reform in the Goa'uld polity almost ten thousand years ago: we barely and barely crossed paths since then. In fact, after my failure to reform, he gifted me this planet and two others with their human populations for the sole purpose of keeping me busy and away from 'Goa'uld politics'."

— He basically exiled you leaving you a bunch of pets in his care.

— "Exactly, and incidentally kept me in his servitude, being forced to give him tribute in specie of whatever my subjects produced, such as food, minerals, slaves, etc. Anyway, this map is not the only interesting thing I keep here. Follow me, Kevin."

After turning off the holographic map, he took me to another underground room where he showed me one of his greatest treasures and keys to his plan of conquest: in a kind of aquarium, there was a Goa'uld queen, which unlike the others, was huge, like a huge slug prostrate on the floor. The curious thing was that she did not move.

— Who is she?

— "She is Nuwah, an extremely ancient Goa'uld queen: I managed to steal her from Yu years ago while he was distracted with his wars with Ba'al. Yu and I were born from her millennia apart."

— You mean she's technically your mother?!

— "We Goa'uld don't possess those kinds of familial relationships, Kevin: We only use them as a kind of military title or rank." -he tapped the crystal gently with his claws, sounding a tinkling- "But yes: in a way you're right: Yu imprisoned her and other Goa'uld queens to secure his power, depriving them of hosts. A smart move, I must admit."

— Right... You told me that Goa'uld queens are among the most treacherous and manipulative of queens because of that power to conceive larvae. Bah... like all women with power.

— "Exactly. When Yu died, I managed to get hold of one of his queens, but I had no luck with the others. I use the queens to breed my new modified larvae; I even managed to clone Nuwah. At the moment, she's in suspended animation, but she's too old, and at any moment she could die."

— I see.

— "I thought you'd find it interesting; especially since we're leaving tomorrow." -he heaved a sigh of obfuscation- "Unfortunately I had to take care of my 'divine' business here and didn't have much time to relax as I had hoped."

— There'll be other days, boss: besides, we've got things to entertain ourselves with at home... At Phellus, you know.

— "You're right." -he answered before letting out a sigh- "I don't know if I told you before, but sometimes I think Phellus is more my home than here; I don't know." -he remained thoughtful for a few seconds- "We'd better go to sleep."

— Sounds good to me.

After leaving that basement, we went to our rooms and lay down to sleep.

# # # # #

The last morning was accompanied by a brief light rain, breakfast in the garden and a last tour of the palace before lunch. In the afternoon, Li Shou gave final instructions to Camit, his servants and the provincial governors in the throne room before retiring to their rooms to prepare their luggage; I did the same with my things. Camit and his welcoming committee took us shortly thereafter in the rickshaw to the location of the gate, bidding us farewell after dropping us off before the mountain path that led to the gate. I admit I liked Camit, but I still thought there was something off about him.

After climbing the stairs, I left my luggage on the ground for a moment to enjoy a few more minutes of the planet's beauty while Li Shou prepared to dial.

— "Taking in the landscape, Kevin?"

— I want to keep as much as I can as a souvenir. I took a lot of pictures and videos with my cell phone, but it's not the same.

— "Something tells me you liked it here."

— Actually I did: maybe I didn't have much to do, but I think it's good to relax once in a while.

— "You mean get bored." -he scoffed- "But you're right anyway; now we must get back to work."

— I hope to be back here soon.

— "We will, Kevin. You bet we will." -I was half dialing, when... - "Kevin..."

— Yes, boss?

— "I know Lenny told you about my 'fertility treatment on young girls.'" -I pretended not to frown or purse my lips- "And as I calculated, your reaction was negative."

— Boss...

— "Don't expect me to change a habit I've had for millennia overnight. But... I might take both of your opinions into consideration and do something about it."

— Really?

— "I can try: there are things I've already changed. After all... you know I'm not a god."

I just nodded silently as he finished dialing and activated the gate. We left Kathay and its wonders to pass through at least three more planets before returning to our ship on Stern and heading home. Would I return to that planet? I hope so.

As for my boss's answer, I figured as a Goa'uld, it was the most sincere thing he could say to me, and the greatest show of humility I could expect from him. At least he admitted that he would try to change, and that he wasn't perfect.

And in that detail alone, he already surpassed Dark Kat by far.