A/N: This story is set within the same universe as my fic: The Villain Wrangler. I highly suggest reading that first, but you can probably get by without it.

The prompt for this story came from post by dc-himbo on tumblr. TLDR: the Batkids make a Google Doc list of who they think Bruce may have slept with... and then the list is leaked to the League. Thank you so much to them for letting me write this.

This first chapter is the Google Doc that the Batkids made. FFN is a hellsite that doesn't do creative formatting, so if you want this chapter to be a bit easier to read, go check it out on AO3. More shenanigans to follow :) Follow me on Insta at lilhawkeye3 for sneak peaks!

The "Who Has Bruce Likely Slept With" List*

· Superman

· I once heard Supes say he could tell Bruce apart from others just by the sound of his heartbeat.

Comments:

· There's no straight explanation for that

· No two grown men could have that much tension and not be sleeping together

Comments:

· two bros sitting in the watchtower five feet apart cause they're not gay

· Wonder Woman

· I'm convinced the reason they're called the big three is because they've had a threesome

· John told me that she flirted with dadbats when they aged down in some magical world thingy

Comments: but they were technically like what, eight years old? Not sure that counts.

· BRuCE oNLY WISHEs HE COULD GET WItH HER

Comments:

· Jason, you're not hiding your jealousy well

· Jay are you blind?

· I saw him wrap her in his cape once after a battle. He done that to any of us?

· Flash

· Why beat the Flash when you can just fuck the annoying out of him?

· Definitely a "kiss to shut the other person up" situation

Comments:

· I feel like this applies to most of the League tbh

· Manhunter

· One word: shapeshifting

· If Bruce did Supes, I don't see why he would be against other aliens

· Hawkgirl

· Definitely got a wings thing going on between them

· Bat-to-hawk communication

Comments:

· you mean echolocation

· Black Canary

· I'm just saying, she's definitely a domme

· Their sparring sessions are 100% foreplay

Comments:

· Omg whoever wins the round gets to be on top for the day

· John Constantine

· I just think they'd hate-fuck

Comments:

· Based on what evidence? I mean, they would hypothetically, but what evidence that they already have?

· Equal amounts of self loathing

· Detective Gordon

· Ohhh definitely

· "Inappropriate use of the Bat Signal"

· That explains why he's the only cop datbats can stand!

Comments:

· I hate ALL OF YOU

· Aquaman

· Have you seen the man? Those tattoos? The tan? The hair?

Comments:

· Just because you would doesn't mean Bruce would

· Neither of them can fly. I think it's a point of bonding for them.

· Green Arrow

· "Don't worry, Bats: my wife said I could"

· I think it's likely that canary made him watch her and Bruce as punishment for something he said

Comments:

· Kinky

· Dick, shut up

· That wasn't me! That was Cass! I'm being framed :(

· Fire

· Supermodel + billionaire bachelor?

· He'd see the fire powers as a challenge

Comments:

· But what about Ice?

· Too similar to Mr Freeze

· Gotham City Sirens

· I'm pretty sure they all share

· Remember the other year when that video of him and ivy went viral? There's no WAY that was their first kiss

Comments:

· Lmao Bruce thought she was out of her special lipstick. He was wrong

· The Villain Wrangler (jeez, just say 'Danny' would you?)

1) He had Danny taken to the watchtower when the Joker shot him! Wonder woman was going to take him to the regional trauma center

2) Bruce literally gave! Him! A! Job! And he vets all the requests so Danny doesn't end up hurt like with the Joker again!

3) Bruce's girlfriend lives with Danny and he doesn't even bat an eye at that

· He also hasn't murdered Danny despite him knowing our actual identities

Comments:

· You're saying he's killed people over that before?

·Bet he got alfred to do it

· Bruce doesn't make Alfred do anything alfred doesn't already want to

·You know alfred was like james bond in ww2? Or maybe korea… or vietnam… i forget which but my point still stands

· Would you two shut up already? This is serious business

· Holy shit Danny totally slept with dadbats

*Father lacks the wherewithal to forge connections on the level of which intimacy would occur between any of the individuals listed.