"The next thing on our agenda…"
Sometime during this meeting that's been going on for at least an hour now, Otto's voice trails off as Subaru's attention span reaches its saturation and he stops listening to whatever they're discussing.
With his elbow on the table, and his chin resting on his hand, he stifles his yawn, lest Ram complains about his lack of manners again.
He has a piercing headache and he would love for this meeting to end as soon as possible so he could get some sleep. Unfortunately, the desire to sleep and being able to fall asleep are two separate things, and Subaru's certain he won't be getting any rest today either.
"Subaru," a lovely voice calls out to him all of a sudden. Subaru can't help but feel disappointment about how less than thrilled he feels to hear it. A few months ago, he would have stopped all his work, simply to listen to that voice, but now he feels… tired.
"…Yeah?" Subaru responds and slowly lifts his head up to meet her gaze. Somewhere along the line, those brilliant amethyst orbs that he used to admire have lost its shine. The glistening silver hair is nothing more than a dull white.
"Die!" She says as a barrage of ice crystals materialise at her fingertips.
Subaru's breath hitches and he struggles to get up and run away, only to find his hands cuffed to the armrests of his chairs. He's stuck, he's unable to move and he's about to die. He starts hyperventilating as his back pushes against the back of his chair, and shuts his eyes tight. He knows death isn't going to become any less painful if he closes his eyes but it's a reflex and amidst his heavy breathing, he waits for the end to arrive.
—It never does.
"…ru?"
When nothing happens after a few seconds, he opens his eyes, his vision all blurry with tears and there are no ice shards in front of him.
"…baru?"
What just happened? Didn't Emilia try to kill him right now? How is he still alive?
"SUBARU!"
A shout of his name brings him back to his senses as he blinks his eyes open wide and his vision clears. His teeth still chattering, he looks around in a daze to find Emilia and the rest looking at him with concerned eyes.
It takes a while for him to throw the overwhelming fear that's been built up in his chest to die down and once it does, it's replaced by another emotion.
"Subaru, are you alright?" Emilia asks and at her question, Subaru dresses his face with a wide smile, resuming the role of the fool, though his fists are clenched tight underneath the table out of everyone's sights. It seems the insomnia's hitting him harder than he expected.
"Why wouldn't I be alright? That's a weird question to ask unless… it's you who isn't alright! Are you alright, Emilia-tan?" He says, a little too lively for that matter, turning the question back at her.
"I'm pretty sure I'm fine but that wasn't my question, Subaru," she sighs, unconvinced by his poor attempt at deflection.
"Subaru, if there's something wrong, please tell Betty…" His sweet spirit pleas almost make him consider spilling the beans on everything.
—Really? Her? Are you sure you want to trust her?
His own mocking voice stops him and his mouth shuts close, a sharp pain rings in his head from his teeth suddenly clattering shut.
If push comes to shove, these people are the ones more than willing to off him, and even if he keeps telling himself that it all happened in another loop, his mind still doesn't know how much faith to put in them. It doesn't help him that everytime he counts, trying to search for a reason to defend them, the number of times he's been hurt by his own allies always outnumbers that of his enemies.
"There's nothing wrong, Beako! If something happens, you know I'll be sure to come running to you begging for help!" He winks, putting on his usual plastic smile.
The members of the Emilia camp sigh, for this has not been the first Subaru to have clammed up this way in the last few days. And while Subaru does feel guilty, he can't bring himself to trust the others either. Not until he can find a way to calm his tumultuous mind.
The meeting adjourns not too long after, but his desire to sleep does get delayed when Otto and Ram drag him away to talk later.
"Natsuki-san, are you absolutely sure you are fine?" Otto asks, his hand clutching his hat tightly. Subaru can feel the frustration simply from depths of the creases.
"Fit as a fiddle as you can see," is Subaru's curt reply.
"Barusu, stop joking around and answer seriously for once!" Ram demands, stomping her feet and clenching her fist as her bangs sway in front of her eyes.
"I am serious. I am fine."
Otto sighs in sadness. "Natsuki-san, I can't deal with your nonchalant attitude any longer. Especially after how terrified you looked during the meeting today. Please answer me honestly. Did we do anything to hurt you in any way?"
—Oh, you've done a lot more than you think, Otto!
Subaru closes his eyes and shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the annoying condescending voice inside his head, even if the voice is his own. He turns his gaze to the prideful Ram, who he is certain must have had contrary opinions, who will never admit she has been wrong in any manner. To his utter surprise, she too has her gaze to the ground as she's gritting her teeth.
"Why would you think that?" He asks, inclining his head at Otto and Ram.
"…"
Otto stays silent but Ram asks. "What is your aim, Barusu? Why are you trying to distance yourself from us?"
Subaru almost chokes on his own breath when he hears her question. It's the last thing he wants to do. Sure, he is finding it difficult to see them in the same light he used to before everything came to pass, but he thought he has been doing just fine in ensuring the status quo remains unchanged. However, it seems he's been doing a rather poor job at it.
"It's all in your head," Subaru replies to them with a melancholic smile.
Past loops are just that, past loops. They never happened. So he needs to suck it up and behave normal again. He's bound to forget all about it sooner or later, because thinking about it won't solve his dilemma in any manner, so he wishes better sooner than later. Because in the end—
—It's all in your head.
Subaru has never had much trouble disregarding the actions of his friends in the failed loops before. Unfortunately, it's proving to be just a tiny bit challenging this time.
Ultimately, everything that has happened is all in Subaru's head and… it never really happened. So he's stupid for getting so caught up over this.
He honestly believed that things would work themselves out the more the time passed and he would soon forget all about it. On the contrary, it seems the more the time passes, the more it's stuck in his mind.
But even if Subaru denies it, it's a given. One does not simply recover from an incident like this. And it's even worse in Subaru's case.
Subaru wouldn't call himself strong, neither his physical strength, nor his mental fortitude are anything remarkable. The only reason he's even been able to last this long without succumbing to despair is because of his friends. And when it's his friends who are the ones responsible for his despair, it's definitely going to leave a lasting impact.
Even if such a thing never actually happened in the true timeline, and only exists as a failed loop in his mind, Subaru cannot forget it. When Rem tortured him in the forest in that first week, he was hurt but they barely knew each other and when he did become closer to her, it was what allowed him to get over it.
But when his friends who he had gotten close to for over a year now tortured him to near death, it's not easy for him to take it with a grain of salt anymore.
Around two months ago that they'd been engaged in battle with Roy Alphard after he had escaped confinement back then. A slight misstep on Subaru's part and he was greeted with a tragedy he had never dreamed of even in his worst nightmares.
"Natsuki Subaru. Thank you for the meal," Roy Alphard locked the palm of his hand as Subaru watched in horror.
"You! What did you just do to me?" Subaru asked, and all he received in response was a strange question.
"Onii-san, you have an Authority, don't you? Are you Pride?" The Sin Archbishop of Gluttony asked in bewilderment.
Subaru's eyes widened. This was probably the third time he'd been asked that question by a Sin Archbishop. He shook his head and dismissed the question and decided to keep his attention on the matter at hand. Little did he realise how greatly those words were going to change his life.
"What do the two of you think you're doing, I suppose?" Beatrice shouted, drawing both their gazes at her.
"We have to leave now, tsu~! We'll talk to you later, onii-san." Roy Alphard jumped back and decided to retreat.
"Hey, wait! Just where do you think you are-" Subaru turned around him and tried to give a chase but was stopped in his tracks.
"Stop right there, I suppose!" Her hand was outstretched, there were teardrops threatening to escape the corner of her eyes and she was looking at him with rage.
Subaru's eyes widened as he realised his name was eaten. The thought of all the precious memories he had with them gone hurt him a lot, but he still stopped himself from falling to the ground and bawling and instead, took a step forward to try and explain himself.
"Beatrice, you may not remember me, but I'm your contractor and-"
No sooner than he began speaking, "Don't you dare try and fool Betty, witch cultist! When the vile scent of the witch wafts so thick around you, do not assume even for a second that you can fool Betty with your lies, in fact!" Beatrice glared at him in clear hostility and everything began going downhill from then.
No matter how much he begged and pleaded, not a single one of his friends believed a word he said. Beatrice broke off her contract in a fit of rage believing it to be Pride's machinations and while Reinhard did confirm Subaru had not lied even once, no one took Reinhard's words seriously.
He was arrested, he was beaten and tortured by the Royal Knights, primarily Ferris and Julius, who wished to find a cure to save their loved ones and had become desperate for a solution after the previously captured Sin Archbishops had managed to escape their clutches before they could get their hands on any information.
Emilia refused to believe him, and screamed at him to stop associating himself with her. Otto refused to believe him and Rem didn't waste a single moment beating him up the moment his miasma touched her nostrils.
For what he believes an entire year, although time does dilate under pain, he was held captive, refused the right to live or die by the excellent healer who also served as his interrogator, one that he had once called his ally.
Once they were done with him and the knights decided that he could provide them nothing more than what he already has—he was executed in a grand procession in the central square of the Capital as the people celebrated his death with jubilous screams.
Here is where Subaru's dilemma began.
—He Returned by Death.
And he returned back to the battle with Roy Alphard and Sirius Romaneé-Conti. And although disoriented for a few seconds, he regained his bearings as the call of his allies snapped him out of his trance and he evaded it.
He managed to evade the ugly future that awaited him where his own allies turned against him after forgetting his existence and he was tortured for information for an entire year.
It was strange enough for Satella to have returned him to a savepoint a year back, but he supposed she did not wish for him to suffer any longer and it was the most she could do to save him in her situation. And he was grateful to her, for a savepoint any later would have put him in grand trouble and got him stuck in an endless cycle of torture.
But now a new problem presents itself before him.
How is supposed to behave with his friends now after experiencing all that? How can anyone expect him to go back to normal after experiencing all that hostility?
He has lost his sleep, his appetite, his peace of mind after the loop.
Everything that happened… was it a result of extenuating circumstances or would history repeat itself every single time?
Was that loop a one time thing or would his own friends condemn him again in case he got his name eaten again? And it's not a distant possibility as Roy Alphard is still out there and he really might get eaten again. So the question remains, how much faith and trust should he put in his friends? Will they give him the benefit of the doubt, the next time something like this happened?
He knows they care for him, but if he gives them his heart and they break it again, he does not think he can recover from it.
If only he could find an answer, it would put him at ease, but the answer doesn't come to him anytime soon.
"So you were here, I suppose! Betty has been searching all over for you, in fact," Beatrice says, trotting over to him.
He looks back in surprise and backs away from the railings he had just been leaning against while gazing at the stars from the balcony.
"I'm sorry. I really wanted to see the stars right now so I came here. Guess I should have told you," he says regretfully.
Beatrice narrows her eyes and steps closer to him, thoroughly inspecting him.
"W-What?" Subaru stutters at her intense gaze and Beatrice lets out a sigh.
"Is there something wrong, Subaru? You can tell Betty," she tells him with a gentle smile on her adorable face as Subaru's eyes widen and he looks at her in surprise.
"W-Why would you think that?" He fumbles on his words, but she shakes her head at his poor attempt at keeping his heart's troubles to himself.
"You're not quite behaving Subaru-like, I suppose," she replies and he frowns.
"Subaru-like?" He asks, raising his brows at the strange statement made by his spirit.
"You did not tease Betty even once ever since she came here, I suppose."
Hearing her reply makes him chuckle. "Do you want to be teased, Beatrice?"
"Of course not! But when you remain all quiet like this, Betty can't help but worry, in fact," she answers and his eyes widen. Almost immediately, he turns his head away, to face away from her and directs his eyes back on the stars.
"Subaru?" She calls out, and he can hear the concern in her voice. He wonders if he should tell her.
Or maybe not tell her, but ask her the question on his mind. Maybe it can somehow calm him down…
"Beatrice, I have a question," he begins and she nods her head, asking him to continue. "Do you think I'm a suspicious person?"
"What…!?" Subaru's question baffles her and catches her off-guard.
"Say if a situation ever arises where you've forgotten about me, what would you think of me?" He asks, completely serious, because he needs to know. Any other person without a name, they're able to deem as innocent, so why was he the only one condemned?
"Where is this coming from, I suppose?" She asks, lifting her hand up to hold his, probably in an attempt to comfort him.
Subaru sighs, shaking his head. "It's a stupid question, isn't it? Forget I asked-"
"Your smell does make you suspicious, I suppose," she points out and Subaru's lips quiver in sadness at her confession.
Of course. In the end, it all comes back to the Witch's scent. It seems there's really nothing he can do. Maybe if he had been given more time, he might have been able to prove his innocence, but they were so strict in arresting him, the opportunity never arose.
Subaru heaves out a tired sigh. That loop is gone. There's no point in thinking over it again and again. All he has to do now is live a happy life with his current friends who care about, or at least that's what he hopes.
He shuts his eyes and prays to whatever deity is out there to just let him forget.
"But even if Betty forgets, she will still trust in Subaru, I suppose," she continues resolutely and Subaru's breath hitches. "Subaru is Betty's precious contractor, in fact."
—Empty words and nothing more.
How she would react in that particular situation is not fixed in stone. But still, simply to put this incident behind him, he holds out his little finger at her. "Promise?" He asks and she glances back and forth between his hand and his face before lifting her own little finger up and intertwining it with his.
"It's a promise, I suppose."
Promises are important. Everyone keeps saying that, but if the memory of the promise were to vanish with his name, would she really uphold it?
He's made her promise for his own satisfaction, but ultimately, it changes nothing.
"Subaru, there's a huge festival in Costuul today. Roswaal and Otto-kun and even Ram said it's alright to take a break for today! Shall we go?" Emilia asks one day, rushing to him and grabbing his hands as her eyes sparkle in childish excitement.
Subaru jumps back, startled by her sudden approach and breaks his hand free from her grasp as he takes a minute to process her words.
Basically… Emilia's asking him on a date?
Emilia looks at him in surprise at his reaction but Subaru doesn't give her a chance to dwell on it. "Sure, Emilia-tan! That sounds fun!" He responds with a smile and Emilia's overjoyed at his words.
"Alright! Let's go!" She says and and grabs his hand and begins pulling him with her.
"Wait, now!?" Subaru exclaims and Emilia inclines her head, wondering what the problem is.
"I still haven't completed my work for the day," he informs her. To his surprise, she presents him with a bright smile.
"Don't worry, Subaru. I have talked it out properly with everyone and they said it's fine if you take a break today," she says and Subaru sighs as he smiles at her.
"If it's fine with everyone, I don't see why not?" Subaru says as he walks beside Emilia. She looks at him, her eyes happier than he's seen in a while. "You look happy. Did something good happen?" He asks her.
She shakes her head with a sad smile. "It's just… your eyes look reaaaalllly lonely these days so I wanted to cheer you up."
Subaru gives her a look of a surprise. "No, you are…"
"You don't have to hide anything from me, Subaru. Even if you don't tell me, I'll try to cheer you up. Because you are my precious knight."
"I have no knight. Even if I had one, it would certainly never be you! Please stop trying to call for me. I am not the Witch you love and I hate being mistaken for her."
"Emilia, I'll be right back!" He backs away from her all of a sudden and begins rushing to find the nearest bathroom as tears begin rolling down his eyes at her words.
"Subaru?" Emilia runs after him in worry, but he shuts the door behind him, refusing to let her see his tears. He falls to the floor trying to stop any more of his tears from falling out while Emilia knocks on the door behind him.
Once he's sure his tears are all dried up, he washes his face and tries to convince Emilia that nothing's wrong. Needless to say, she doesn't believe him.
Subaru didn't even realise he had developed that habit until Ram pulled him aside to point it out to him.
He flinches or in general, shows a great degree of nervousness whenever in the twin's company.
"Barusu, what is up with you these days? Are you afraid of Ram and Rem?" Blunt and to the point as always, Ram questions him directly leaving him no escape.
"What are you talking about? You must be imagining it," he responds, trying to get her to leave him alone.
"Don't lie to me, Barusu! Rem is really hurt by it, so kindly stop it!" She demands, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pushing him against the wall. That action itself causes him to shiver when memories of being beaten up by them in prison resurface in his head and he looks at her in horror.
Ram's eyes widen as she releases her grasp on his shirt and he falls to the ground. "Barusu, do you really think Ram would hurt you?"
Subaru tries to shake his head and refuse, but his body freezes, leaving him immobile on the ground. What flashes across Ram's eyes at his silence is clearly betrayal and she takes a step back. Her fists clenched and her eyes filled with pain, she turns around and runs away, leaving behind the words, "Don't talk to Ram or Rem again!"
Silents sobs fill the lonely hallway as Subaru cries. He isn't doing this on purpose. He doesn't want to hurt those who have never hurt him. Why is it so hard for him to forget?
"Satella, help me…" He unknowingly cries out to the only person who he believes will save him.
"Subaru, it's been a while," the purple-haired knight greets him with a smile.
"How have nyaa been, Subaru-kyun?" The cat-eared knight asks.
Subaru almost chokes on his own breath upon seeing Julius and Ferris. It's an alliance meeting and if the incident with Ram was anything to learn by, he shouldn't allow his fear to rule his current friendships.
'I'm fine. How are you guys?' He practises inside his head, around ten times before opening his mouth. All his practice proves useless when the only sound he gets out is, "A-Ah…" while he nods his head like a fool.
The two knights look at him strangely but to his fortune, do not press him any further regarding his reaction and simply dismiss it as Subaru being strange again.
During the meeting, he's silent, unusually so, to the point that Anastasia actually points it out to him.
"What's the matter, Natsuki-kun? Cat got yer tongue?" She asks him casually and all the members of his camp are looking at him with sullen faces. There's a limit to how supportive they can be, and he's not giving them much to work with.
"It's nothing. I suppose I'm just overwhelmed," he answers sheepishly with a dry laugh, which was technically not a lie, considering every single person in this room has been directly or indirectly involved in his torture. So it doesn't trigger Crusch's lie detector divine protection.
"It's been a while since we had a large meeting like this. Though I didn't take you to be the kind of person who'd be nervous in gatherings," Crusch chuckles and Subaru doesn't respond and instead, looks down with a weary smile.
The meeting continues and it's after that's over when Julius walks over to him, a little concerned about Subaru's unusual behaviour.
"There's nothing wrong. I'm fine," Subaru responds and Julius sighs.
"If there is nothing wrong, I believe you should express it clearly. It does not bode well for a knight to behave this way," Julius advises him to which he simply gives the knight a small nod.
Eyebrows raised, he looks at him, finding his reaction queer. "This is perhaps the first and only time you have not argued with me even once. And I must say… It's a strange feeling, and not a pleasant one. Are you certain you are alright, Subaru?"
The more Subaru's ex-torturer talks to him, the more it's talking all of his willpower to remain calm. He's clenching his fists so hard that his nails are digging into his skin
The first to notice the bleeding is Beatrice, standing beside him. Ferris rushes closer to heal him and to his utter surprise, "Don't touch me!" Subaru backs away in horror in a reflex.
The two knights look at him in bewilderment, and as does Beatrice. Subaru realises what just happened and he apologises. "I'm sorry. I'm just… on the edge right now, I guess. I'll be fine soon," Subaru says and looks away.
Subaru believes he must be the most terrible person in the world right now. He's hurt most of his camp with his behaviour but despite it, he really can't seem to change his attitude.
Otto has punched him—twice. Roswaal has taken him to his study to have a talk with him. Beatrice tries to get him to open up every night. Emilia tries to cheer him up so desperately, it hurts. Ram avoids him because she doesn't want to hurt him and Rem simply cries. Garfiel tries to get him to train with him but is unsuccessful. Frederica and Petra try not to give him too much work, believing maybe some rest could get him back to normal.
Even though Subaru thinks he's behaving normally, they still catch on to him and they're sad they can't do a thing about it.
Capella Emerada Lugunica has been cornered. After the devastating attack of the Witch Cult on the Capital city, things are looking bright as the plan they had drawn out to capture the Sin Archbishop seems to be working.
Capella is in her dragon form and her wings have been set on fire by Roswaal's magic. The more she flaps her wings, the more the flames spread. She screams and screeches in pain as she falls to the ground, half burnt.
They let their guard down seeing her burn and that proves to be their fatal mistake.
"Mama! Mama, we will save you, tsu~!" The only remaining Sin Archbishop of Gluttony, Roy Alphard jumps out and begins attacking them as a one-man army. With the number of people Bizzare Eating has consumed, he begins destroying them with an incredible myriad of abilities and Subaru regrets letting Roswaal leave too soon to help with the other battles. Reinhard is busy in a different battle too.
The army of knights is struggling against the Sin Archbishop's display of skills and Emilia, Beatrice and Ram are barely holding him back with their magic. As they're battling, Subaru notices Roy's eyes drift over to Meili, shivering in one corner of the battlefield as she's watching Capella burn.
Subaru's eyes widen, understanding exactly who Gluttony is about to target.
"TRAITOR!" Roy screams, jumping back and lunging over towards Meili while the others watch in horror. Subaru wastes no time pushing Meili out of the way and shielding her from the attack.
Subaru's actions cause the Archbishop to stop in his tracks. Seeing Subaru before him, Roy flashes a creepy smile. "Onii-san, you're the one who killed our sister, didn't you?"
Subaru knows exactly what is going to happen. He's already lived this when he had just returned from Vollachia. He's going to get his name eaten. He must move out of the way. Everyone who's once tortured him before is screaming at him to run. As long as he tries to run, he can ensure that the failed loop remains only in his head.
No one will know it ever happened, and he can live his life in peace, pretending it never happened.
Roy's hand barely misses grazing Subaru, who moves out of the way and a shot of ice crystals fire through the air forcing Roy back. He turns to Emilia, begins zooming towards her when Ram's wind attack throws him back as he hits against the wall of half-demolished building.
However, even after their best efforts to immobilise the Sin Archbishop, to their utter despair, he stands up once again. Almost immediately, "Al Clauseria," a chant reaches his ears as the magic hits Roy and he's finally knocked out successfully.
As the others celebrate their victory, Subaru's eyes drift to the place where Capella's body had been previously burning.
—She's gone.
Tied up firmly in a chair, all battered and bruised, the knights continue to interrogate Roy Alphard, all while Subaru watches from a distance.
Roy Alphard is a monster that has destroyed thousands of lives and deserves every bit of the treatment he's being given. Even so, Subaru can't help but avert his eyes away from the brutality. Especially when Subaru himself could have easily been the one tied up in that chair right now.
His hands shake every time the screams of the Sin Archbishop rings out in his ears and he feels like he's going to be sick. Being given a third person perspective of the failed loop doesn't help him trust his friends any better. He doesn't have an answer to his dilemma yet and watching this is just making it worse.
"Don't avert your eyes, Subaru," Julius says, walking close to Subaru after he's completed his part of the interrogation.
"That guy is scum of the earth and he does deserve it but… do you have to be so brutal?" Subaru asks, drawing a look of surprise from Julius.
The purple-haired knight frowns at Subaru and soon changes his expression to a more serious one. "Subaru, I will admit, your kindness is what I admire most about you, but it would do you well not to sympathise with a Sin Archbishop."
"I'm not sympathising…"
"There are too many people in the world who escape punishment despite their crimes. It may not be the prettiest option, but sometimes, things like this are necessary to ensure that justice is provided to the ones wronged."
Subaru frowns at Julius's words and bites his lips.
—Did you receive punishment for your crimes Julius? What about justice for me?
Everything's not always as fair as Julius believes. Since Subaru was never tortured, neither Julius nor Ferris deserve punishment, but Subaru had been tortured nonetheless. So who needs to be punished here?
It's easy to blame Roy Alphard here because he ate Subaru's name, but that's all he did… eat his name. The decision to condemn him and torture him was all his friends'. Is it fair that they escape their punishment while only Roy does?
"I understand he deserves the treatment he's getting," Subaru sighs, his melancholic gaze still resting bloody Sin Archbishop. "But is it alright for us to stoop to their level?"
Julius's eyes widen as Subaru turns and walks away, out of the prison.
It's the dead of the night and Subaru walks through the silent corridor of the prison. While he thought it would have been much harder to sneak in, he's grateful to the irresponsible prison guards, asleep during their duty.
Walking forward, he finds the cell Roy is imprisoned in and with a key he had pickpocketed from one of the sleeping guards a while earlier, he clinks the lock open and opens the door. The Sin Archbishop of Gluttony is asleep, albeit painfully.
Subaru inhales and exhales deeply, preparing himself to do what he's set out to do. He walks closer and shakes Roy, whispering, "Roy! Wake up!"
Roy wakes up in a daze and once he's fully awake, he almost attempts to scream, and all of Subaru's attempts at secrecy would have been foiled had Roy not been gagged.
Roy struggles as he sees Subaru in front of him, but Subaru places a finger on his lips, requesting him to stay quiet as he moves to remove the gag. Roy nods as Subaru frees his mouth.
"Onii-san, what are you doing?" The perplexed Sin Archbishop asks.
"I'll let you go, Roy," Subaru says as Roy's eyes widen. "However, I have a few conditions."
Roy listens, wide-eyed as he nods his head eagerly.
"Promise me you'll return all the names you've eaten and you'll never eat another person ever again as long as you live."
For a moment, Roy appears confounded by Subaru's proposition, but immediately begins cackling like the madman he is. Subaru sighs, well aware that this would be the end result, but had still come here with the tiny hope that he would agree in exchange for freedom from his torturers. He knew how important promises are to the people in this world, how even Sin Archbishops would fulfil theirs, but right from the beginning Roy has refused to do so.
"You're funny, onii-san!" Roy continues to laugh and Subaru turns away in indignation, preparing to leave.
"Onii-san, wait!" Roy stops laughing and Subaru turns around asking, "What?"
"Have you ever been hungry… so hungry that no matter how much you eat, you can never fill your stomach?"
Subaru shakes his head, but he does remember a certain witch who has. She asked him those same words back then, and then broke out into a speech, giving him a peek into the distorted lens through which she views the world, due to her hunger.
"Onii-san, Gluttony is the only sin that can kill you, tsu~! Asking us to stop eating and stay hungry is unfair! It's unfair, it's no-good, it's bad, it's hopeless, it's risky, it's painful, it's terrible, it's dreadful! It's death!" Roy goes on a mad rambling, while Subaru watches in revulsion.
"Don't look at us in disgust, onii-san~! We are only doing what it takes to stay alive and we doubt we can do anything about the names that we've eaten. Did Louis or Ley's deaths save everyone?" He asks, genuinely out of curiosity, and Subaru looks at him in surprise, taken aback by the question.
"…" Subaru stays quiet because Roy knows exactly what Subaru's answer is. It's at least confirmation for Subaru that Roy has no idea how to reverse the effects of his authority.
"Even if we leave, we'll still be punished by mama. Ley and Louis are no longer with us either. We don't care if we are going to stay here forever, tsu~" Roy answers, his voice filled with sorrow. Subaru stays quiet and realises staying here will neither fix the unease in his mind, not will it help the others either. Disappointed at the outcome, he turns around to leave.
"There is one thing you can do for us, onii-san," Roy stops him for a second time and Subaru turns back to look at him again. "Kill us," the Sin Archbishop requests as a smile grows on his face.
Subaru's eyes widen in horror and he takes a step back, shaking his head with reluctance.
"Killing us would be the same as freeing us, and ending our suffering but if you walk away, that is fine with us too. We won't tell anyone you were here. So what will you choose onii-san?"
"W-What makes you think I'm here because I want to end your suffering…?" Subaru argues but Roy laughs.
"Why else would you be here, onii-san?" He points out and Subaru's got no defence.
Why is Subaru here? Does he feel sorry for Roy? Does he hate watching his allies wash their hands in blood?
—Or is he here simply because the torture bring back less than pleasant memories for him?
"I-I can't kill you. We will have no way to save your victims if I…"
"Everything you say are excuses onii-san, because you're a coward, tsu~"
Subaru doesn't deny it. He doesn't want to take a life so he's denying responsibility by trying to walk away instead.
"Onii-san, you are here in the dead of the night trying to help us break free. Don't ignore us. You are no longer innocent," Roy states as the shaking Subaru tries to ignore him and walk away.
"Find mama, and mama knows someone who might be able to tell you how to save everyone we've eaten," Roy explains all of a sudden and Subaru turns around in shock at the information. "There! We told you everything we know," Roy laughs maniacally as Subaru watches in shock.
"Who is that person and how can they-"
"We don't know, onii-san. We have never met her, but mama has and that is all the information we have," Roy answers and Subaru realises he really does have nothing more. "What will you do now, onii-san? Will you kill us now and put an end to our suffering? Or will you keep quiet and allow the torture to continue despite having obtained all the information we could have possibly given you?"
"A-And how am I supposed to know you're telling me the truth?"
"We promise it is the truth," Roy answers firmly. "Now choose."
What will Subaru do now? Walking away cannot be an option. He cannot tell the others he was here at night and even if he did manage to somehow get it across to them the information he has obtained, they won't believe him because they won't believe a word that comes out of the Sin Archbishop's mouth, like they never believed Subaru back then.
Keeping silent is also bad as that would mean Subaru is the one needlessly prolonging Roy's torture despite having received all the information he needs. And Subaru, who's already been on the receiving end of that pain, knows how bad it can get. How can he expect the answer to trust his friends if he himself remains quiet and allows this to go on with another being, if he himself remains complicit in the crimes of his friends?
"Onii-san, choose!" Roy urges Subaru again and Subaru takes another step back, trying to turn away. "Onii-san, please!" The desperate cry for help reaches Subaru's ears and he shuts his eyes close, backing away.
"The Sin Archbishop of Gluttony has died from blood loss from several open wounds," Julius informs them with a dejected expression as Subaru and the others listen to the news with grave faces. Subaru thanks this world's lack of development in the forensic analysis department to be unable to probe any deeper than that.
"When did this happen?" Otto asks and Julius replies, "Last night. Ferris believes he had healed the Archbishop; however, it seems he was mistaken." Julius sighs. Then with his hands clenching into a fist, he says in anger, "What is even infuriating is the smile he had on his face as he lay dead in that room. He escaped too soon."
Subaru cannot forget it either, the haunting whisper that said, "Thank you," as he lay dying in that prison cell.
With hollow eyes, he listens to the others discussing their next course of action, like this event is completely insignificant to them. And why should it be? It's a Sin Archbishop that deserves everything he got and even Subaru believes so.
He just wishes he hadn't let his distrust for his friends carry him to the prison last night and it had been someone else who fulfilled Roy's desire.
Hello everyone. These two fics are my first fics, so I hope you don't mind any mistakes in my writing. It's an idea I have had for a while, but wasn't entirely sure which way to go with. In the end, I decided to go with both routes and publish both of them. To everyone who read my other fic, the one I call side A, thanks for the feedback.
For now, I've written these two as one-shots, but after reading both, do you think any of them are worth continuing? If so, which one would you like to see continue?