Hi, so here is another Chicago PD story and I am so excited to bring you thins one, this one takes me to a world post Erin, to Season 5 and this is a new thing for me so I hope that you enjoy. Also this delves a little into the Al/Adam relationship that I have enjoyed so much and like the Jay/Hank relationship is often ignored.

This story takes place around the break that happened in Season 5 when Adam's duel role was discovered, I can confirm that Hank and Al are not the enemies in this story. I think we all know who the enemy in Season 5 was.

This story does deal with upsetting themes including murder, rape and child abuse and PTSD flashbacks. If this TRIGGERS YOU THEN PLEASE STOP NOW!.

Pairings are as follows, Kim/Adam, Hailey/Jay, Will/Conner (briefly) and Al/Meredith.

Just to confirm that Lexie is dead in this story as well.

Disclaimer-Nothing here but Vicky is mine.

This story is AU as well but does stretch over Season 5 and Season 5 alone.

Please Read and Review and I will update as soon as I can.

TRIGGER WARNINGS AS USUAL.

This story will now be about twenty two chapters.

Also I had to go away and deal with some personal issues which delayed this chapter. This is now over so I hope you enjoy the final few chapters when I can get them out to you.

The Spirit That I Have Seen

Chapter 19-Family Man

Adam and Al have a talk and Al cements Adam's place in his family. Kim tries to explain to Vicky what her past means.

He left Kim to explain to Vicky what it meant simply because he didn't want to speak to anyone or see anyone or do anything. He stepped outside and breathed in the cold air and tried very hard not to be sick.

It should have been typical that of course Al was the one to come and sit next to him on the steps of his house. Adam rested his head against the cool wall of the house and tried very hard not to be sick.

"You okay?"

Mutely he shook his head.

"Kevin and Kim are with Vicky. I thought you probably didn't mind they spoke to her—"

"No"

"Okay."

There was silence and then.

"I suppose…is it wrong…that I'm kinda glad nobody is gonna swoop out of the shadows and take her from me?"

Al was silent for a second and then.

"No it's not wrong" he said quietly. "She's your daughter. You love her like she's your own blood and that's all that matters. For what it's worth…I think…nah I know…you are gonna be a great Dad. And one day you and her are gonna look back on this and think it all just a bad dream"

Adam didn't know if that was incredibly naïve or incredibly optimistic neither of which before this moment he would have said were traits indicative of Al and certainly not after Lexie. That being said…here they were and suddenly the one thing that he really wanted to say spilled out of him.

"Al?"

"Hmm?"

"I really don't want this to go to trial. I know…I know the boss does, I know the brass are going to, I know…I know the public and all the politicians are going to want to make this into a big fucking deal but I don't want to make it into a big fucking deal. I don't want to be the poster boy for the shit show that is going to come my way. I don't want to see my Dad on the morning shows or become the cop that others whisper about. It's not me…and I know that is selfish because…but I can feel him…" he paused closing his eyes as a wave of nausea hit him so strong he felt like he was almost going to pass out from it.

"Al, I can still feel what he did inside my body."

He closed his eyes then trying to block out the onslaught of memories that were attacking him from all angles and he felt like he was going to be sick again. He leaned his head against cool stone and then he was gently pulled backwards and sideways straight into Al's embrace and Adam despite the fact that he didn't want to be touched found that he was melting into the touch simply because it was Al and it was good and it was safe.

It was always this way with Al. Family. It mattered.

"If you don't want to do it then I can talk to Hank okay?" Al said somewhere into his hair. "I will talk to Hank for you son and we can see what can be done. God knows we know a few lifers who want more visits so there's always that"

Carefully Adam chose not to think too much about what that meant.

Better for what was left of his ever increasingly fucked up sanity if he didn't bother to ask those kinds of questions…actually it was better if he didn't even think it.

Didn't change anything really.

"Adam?"

"Hmm?"

"You think you might need to talk to someone about this?"

"What like the Department—"

"Doesn't have to with the Department, Adam, you think there aren't guys who deal with the stuff that you have been through? Hell Will Halstead will find you someone if you don't want it to be Doctor Charles…you don't…no you shouldn't jump back into the job yet, take some time, get yourself healthy, get that girl settled and then and only then consider what you are going to do"

Adam looked at him then and unbidden came to mind a conversation from another lifetime ago when he was with Wendy and he was telling her that he was in the Ivory Tower sorting out paperwork. She had looked so relieved at the time and he had never understood why, he had told himself when the engagement had broken that he had understood it but in truth until this moment he hadn't.

The thought of putting his gun back on was enough to make his hands shake.

Hell—where was his gun? Had Woods taken that off him? Was it right now being used to shoot up a bodega in the East Village?

"Adam" Al said sternly. "Stop overthinking this"

"Al"

"I can hear you do it from over here. It's making my head hurt never mind the rest of it. Whatever you want to do is fine. You don't have to make all the decisions in one go, you can make some of them later on down the line. The only decision that needs making is the one that you have already made. And that is Vicky"

He nodded.

He had made that decision. That decision had been made a very long time ago.

"Okay then son—"

"Why do you keep calling me that?"

He didn't know why the question had burst out of him, only that it had.

Al stared at him completely non plussed.

"I don't—do you not like it or something?"

"No that's the problem" Adam said compelled to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. .

"I like it too much"

For a second Al stared at him and then…

"Okay, so I am really not seeing the problem here then"

Adam sighed.

"You just lost Lexie" he said and Al flinched in that habitual way that he had been doing whenever Lexie had been mentioned. It made Adam want to hug him again but there was always a very good possibility that with Al he would slug you if you did that.

"I know"

"But you…you lost Lexie…so why do you…why do you want to…I mean…I am not Lexie" he said and he was not making sense but there had to be something to the fact that he knew that right? He wanted to stand and go back in the house but at the same time he really didn't want to.

Al stared out over the yard his eyes on the garage where he had once lived just to be close to his daughter and he sighed heavily as if he could see her, seeing her without seeing her as she was before she had died and then…

"You know…I didn't realise it until I thought you were going to betray me. And when I thought about it I realised it hurt…it hurt like you were my own. And then you went missing and I had six months to sort through what that meant, what that meant for me and you because when you went missing it was like I was losing Lexie all over again, that raw kind of pain that kept you up at night. That sense of unfairness only with you it was worse because with Lexie I had a body, I had a funeral, I had a place to go and see her and I didn't know…I didn't know what had happened to you. Meredith could see that I was struggling, she could see that I was drowning with it and then one day she just…she knew why. And then two days later she told me it was okay. We've never needed much more than that, Meredith and I…we work without the words in the same way that Hank and Camille never could but…but she knew. Somewhere between that first meeting and this I came to consider you as my own. And when someone hurt you It was like when I saw Lexie all over again, when I saw the state of you it was Lexie all over again. It…I wont bury another child again Adam. And yes…that is what you are to me. And I wont repeat myself because it's too hard. But even before Lexie that is what you were to me. So unless you have a problem—"

He didn't get to finish that sentence because Adam had hugged him.

He tried to say all that he couldn't say with words and put it all into that hug.

He thought that Al understood anyway.

Dads often did.

"Kim?"

"Yeah darling?"

"Can I ask a question?"

"Sure" Kim said shooting Kevin a look from where he had not so suspiciously been peering through the blind. Honestly Kevin was as much as an old woman as the actual old woman peering through lace curtains.

Vicky was sat on the floor crossed legged. Dinner was pushed back.

"Sure honey what's your question"

"If I am the daughter of the man that hurt Adam…does that make me evil?"

"No" Kevin said flatly in the tone that Kim remembered him using whenever Vanessa and/or Jordan did something stupid and/or potential dangerous.

"No honey" she said brushing down some of Vicky's dark hair. "Because…because the thought of Adam in pain makes you hurt yes?"

She had no real idea what she was doing right about now but she knew she had to get this point across.

"Yes" Vicky said quietly.

"Then…then that makes you very good. No good person wants another good person to hurt. You wanted to protect Adam, he wanted to protect you. You saved him when you called us remember? So I think that makes you a very good person—"

"I know it" Kevin said firmly and Vicky looked between the two of them as if she was trying to see the lie in their faces and then she nodded.

Just at that moment the door opened and Adam his eyes red walked in. Vicky was on his hip before he could blink and the two of them fell onto the couch Adam wincing and then Kevin was mother henning.

"Dinner in ten minutes this time and I mean it" Meredith said as Al poured himself a drink and then took a phone call. She caught Adam's eye and he smiled at her and she smiled back before she stood up to help Meredith re-set the table.

"Your good with her you know" Meredith said she passed Kim the bread.

"She's a good kid"

"You thought about having your own?"

Kim stopped dead.

"Eh—no" she said truthfully. Meredith hummed and then…

"Kim…have you considered what getting back together with Adam is going to mean for you? If you don't want to play the role of Momma…and I do understand that, but if that is something that you don't want you had better decide it now"

There was a pause as Kim considered that as Kevin opened the door to the dining space and suddenly they were eating. She watched as Vicky sat next to her and she watched Adam spoon pasta onto her plate and when Vicky struggled she suddenly was there cutting up the spaghetti as if it was second nature.

As if she was a Mom.

It did leave something to be considered. Vicky didn't know if this was what she wanted…she really did not know if this was what she wanted but here she was. Maybe it wasn't in the plan that she had had for herself when she had started this job but it was here. She knew she wanted Adam, she knew she loved him, six months thinking he was dead had cemented the fact that life was too short with her. She had him back and that was that…she had not considered…never really considered what it was to be a mother.

Kim begged off after dinner claiming that she had to get home and sleep in her own bed for once since this thing had begun and she had hugged Vicky and smiled at him though Kevin noticed it did not meet her eyes. He was all for going to but Adam had asked him if he was okay to pop outside for a bit and get some air.

Al watched them with shrewd eyes but Kevin had grabbed his jacket and the two of them had walked to the garage breathing in the cold air and Adam had tilted his head upwards and had breathed in and breathed out before he had said it.

"I need you to do something for me"

"Anything bro you know that"

"I need to do something…I know I need to do something…I need it done off the books and I need preferably the Sarge and Al never knowing I did it. Or at least not knowing I did it until after you know?"

There was a pause as Kevin tried to dissect that sentence.

"Oh?"

Adam nodded and turned to face him and Kevin knew instantly that he was not going to like this.

Deep down he thought he knew what Adam was going to ask.

"I need you to get me in to see Woods, face to face, me and him. Alone."

And yeah, there we go, I hope you enjoy.

Next Chapter-Adam and Woods come face to face. Hank really wishes his team would be less stupid.