JPOV
Saturday morning arrived, the day of our 'date' was here.
After my extra day off I had gone back into work and tried not to think about what I was doing with Edward. It wasn't easy to switch off my mind and just go with the flow, even though I had promised myself that I would just see where everything went I still thought way too much about it.
The new temp at work didn't help matters when I saw her yesterday morning. She was in the tightest little V neck Tee I had ever seen, pushing her tits up and showing off her curves, adding the black tight pencil shirk she was wearing and most of the men, including myself were battling with a constant hard on all day.
This added to my thoughts.
I figured out that I still liked women, that I still liked to look at them and fuck, yes, that nice little eighteen year old could easily find herself bent over my fucking desk while I rammed into her.
This only made my confusion worse when I thought that if she offered would I actually say no? I know now Edward was on the scene but could I really turn down that ass?
I doubted it. I didn't cheat, if I was with someone then I was one hundred percent theirs's and no one else's, but could I really say that Edward and I were together? I guess we sort of were, but there was part of me that wasn't accepting that this was any sort of relationship because Edward was a man.
I'd came clean the moment I saw him when I arrived home. I expected him to be hurt maybe, or have a go, instead he laughed and said there was never any harm in looking at the menu as long as you don't go tasting.
I'd admitted that I didn't know if I would be able to turn it down if offered it.
Edward disagreed with me, which of course I knew he would. He said that even though I thought I was god's gift to women he knew I was no cheater and come face to face with little miss tight ass I would reject it because that loyal part of me would kick in.
I hoped he was right, and when his lips met mine before he left so much of me believed him, believed that part of me that wasn't like that. With his lips on mine I felt whole, complete, I felt like I had come home.
But being left with my thoughts made me doubt and second guess everything, even what I wanted, which I had doubted if I still really knew that this was what I wanted.
Pulling the covers back I decided that now was a good time to actually get myself up and out of bed. I knew I wouldn't see Edward for a few hours yet. I didn't know when he gets in, if he stayed at the club until closing or not, but the chance's of seeing him up now was small.
Heading down the stairs I made my way into the living room, flicking the TV on before wandering into the kitchen to start the coffee machine.
Watching while the machine did its thing I thought about tonight. Sure I wanted to go out, we had been out before, but tonight would be a little different.
How would I feel when we were out? Would I want to hold his hand? Kiss him? Would Edward want to do these things?
If he did how would I handle it? Would it freak me out? Would any of this actually freak me out, just being out in public with him, like I had done so many times before? But now, everything was different, we were sort of more than friends, was Edward now my boyfriend?
A chill ran down my spine at that thought. I had never thought about calling Edward a boyfriend, he was a friend and a boy, but a boyfriend as in being together?
I don't think I could ever call him that, so what would I call him?
"Penny for your thoughts." Edward's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked at him and blinked a few times bringing myself back into this world. He gave me a gentle kiss before opening the fridge door and sticking his head in it.
"What are we?" I asked pulling my bottom lip. He pulled the milk out of the fridge and placed it next to the mugs, he smiled softly and shrugged.
"What do you want us to be?" I frowned at the answer. "Jazz, I'm not the one here that has switched sides. I'm comfortable being with a man, you aren't...yet." He added in a whisper as if he was hoping that one day I would be comfortable enough to be out publicly with him like that.
" I don't know. I don't think I could call you my boyfriend." I felt so uncomfortable standing there, looking at Edward sigh.
"Well don't then, but I would like to think I'm a little more then your friend, Jazz." The filter was finished doing its magic. I poured out the wonderful black color liquid.
"You're overthinking things again, just relax. Everything will fall into place, it always does." He flashed me a smile.
"You know tonight, could we stay in instead?" I asked, he looked at me over the edge of his mug as he took a drink.
"Why? I thought you wanted me to take you out?" He placed his coffee cup on the side and ran a hand through his hair. "Please, I want to go. It's only the movies, we've been countless times before."
"I was thinking if we stay in we can cuddle and watch a film together." Edward shook his head at me. I pouted and sulked trying to push him into my way of thinking.
This would be the first time we had gone out together in public since we started... well, whatever this was.
Even though he had said it would be no different from when we have gone out before I still couldn't help feeling nervous over it and worrying about whether or not we would look different.
Would people would be able to tell? Didn't gays have like this sense of knowing if someone is gay or not? Or was that just something that people made up?
Yeah, I had seen a few guys who you could tell were gay really camp, but looking at Edward if I didn't know he was gay I would never have guessed. Women certainly didn't figure it out.
Edward moved towards me, his hands rested on my hips, his smoldering green eyes burning into me, making me feel lost and weak. His lips kissed my lips just once in a gentle kiss before kissing along my jaw toward my ear. I moaned tilting my head feeling his stubble rubbing gently across my skin.
"How about we catch an early showing and then come home and watch a film and cuddle, sounds fair to me, what about you?" He whispered in my ear making me shiver.
"How early?" My voice squeaked out higher than normal. His eyes met mine and I couldn't help but lean in and capture his soft lips.
Weaving my fingers through his soft locks I pulled him closer to me, my head tilted as my mouth opened deepening the kiss. Edward moaned gently as his growing erection pushed against mine.
I was shocked to find I was incredibly turned on and fucking hard as a rock. I moaned as I broke from the kiss and started kissing down his neck, his hips rocked slowly into mine causing wonderful friction. I reached the bottom of his neck and sucked slightly, Edward hissed in pleasure.
It was one of the most sexist sounds I'd ever heard. I couldn't stop myself from smiling knowing I was causing these sounds to come from him. Pulling away from his neck I looked at a very flushed looking Edward, a sexy sheepish smile on his red plump lips, his eyes darkened with lust.
I grinned almost childishly at him, feeling stupid of being so proud of making another man make those noises. He brushed his lips against mine once before resting his forehead against mine, his breath rough and ragged as he sucked in a few shaky breaths.
"Fuck, Jazz." He whispered, his breath fanned my face, my body was already running high with an electric current that was speeding through my veins.
"Do I turn you on?" A chuckle escaped my lips, had I really just said that?
He pushed himself against me. Feeling his rock hard cock made my breath hitch and catch in my throat.
"What do you think? The question is do I turn you on?" He cocked an eyebrow at me, his smoldering green eyes full of lust burned into mine.
"Fuck, yes." I growled out and thrust my hips forward into him making him moan with pleasure. Jesus fucking Christ, just what the hell was I doing? Considering you have already let him fuck you, I think this is perfectly normal.
"So shall we meet in the middle and go to an early showing?" He asked backing away from me, causing me to whimper. He smirked at me and picked up his mug of coffee.
Early showing then home and cuddle and watch a movie. The chances were good that if we went early enough there wouldn't be a lot of people around.
I needed little tiny steps at a time if we were going to do this.
I had realized that I needed to relax more at home with Edward. He wouldn't push me into anything I wasn't ready to do. He wanted cuddles and kisses from me without me freaking out, and in the safety of our home I could forget everything that was going around my head, all the confusion, all the crap.
Everything went away and I just focused on us at the time being.
"Sure, I'll jump in the shower now and we can head off." I turned emptying the rest of the coffee down the sink. Before I had even finished emptying it Edward planted a kiss on my cheek and headed towards the door.
"You'll have to wait as I'm in the shower first." He flashed a smile and shot up the stairs, I chuckled.
My focus seemed to stay on the window in the kitchen.
A few months ago I was planning on getting married to Alice. I couldn't have been happier being with her planning our future together, and then she just left, claiming she needed to go off and find herself, whatever that meant. It still hurt to think of her, thinking of what she said, what we had, the pain I felt to lose her.
Now here I was being turned on by my best friend. How the fuck did this turn out like this?
I walked up the stairs, my plan was to head to my room and find something to wear, but as I moved past the bathroom door Edward walked out, dripping wet, a towel wrapped around his waist, my eyes fell to the floor.
I had seen Edward come out of the shower a time or two, fuck I had seen Emmett and Seth like this, we all had, it was part of living together, but now? After that night I didn't know if I should look at him or not.
"Showers free, babe." He said while I focused on his feet. Did he really just call me babe? It was a term I had used on girlfriends in the past; it wasn't something that I thought I would ever hear from a man directing it to me. "Jazz?" He asked my eyes still looking at his feet.
"Yeah thanks, I'll have one in a minute." I went to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm pulling me back towards him.
"Look at me, what's wrong?" He asked the concern thick in his voice; his fingers went under my chin pushing it up. I kept my eyes everywhere but on him.
"I... I don't know where to look." I mumbled out. He chuckled at me turning my head more towards him, almost forcing my eyes to look at him.
"You have seen me naked; surely this can't be any more uncomfortable." My eyes drifted down his wet body. Fuck, I could feel myself getting hard by the sight of him like this. He smirked at me.
"Sorry... I... um... well..." I was mumbling like an idiot. Edward shook his head at me, a smug smile on his face.
"Don't be." He walked past me and into his room, closing the door behind him.
All I had to do was shower, get dressed and we would be out of here, out into the world, on our date.
Closing the door to the bathroom I stripped off and jumped in the shower. The hot water hit my body relaxing all the knotted muscles I had, shaving off the stubble and washing my hair I climbed out and brushed my teeth.
If this was to really work between us how would we go about living together? Surely normally you met someone, dated for a while then maybe move in together.
We were already doing that, so would one of us move rooms? Or would we stay as we were? If we moved into one room, who would move? Or would we move into a whole new room all together?
Fuck, I was thinking too far ahead. I still wasn't sure what I was doing and here I was thinking about us sharing a room together? What the fuck was all that about?
Deciding I was spending far too much time on my own I changed, pulling on a pair of light stone wash jeans and a white shirt. I wondered if I was maybe going a little over the top with the whole getting dressed thing.
What was Edward wearing?
For all I knew he could be wearing track bottoms and a hooded jumper then I would look like a twat for wearing a shirt. Though this was a date, wasn't it? Weren't you supposed to look good for your dates?
Taking two steps at a time I ran down the stairs and into the living room, my eyes falling on Edward. I had to admit he looked good.
The dark grey V neck jumper hugged his muscles nicely. My eyes looked at his ass, which was hugged by his black jeans, thoughts of me grabbing it ran through my mind before I quickly pushed them away.
"You look nice." I blurted out making him chuckle as he turned round, his eyes giving me the once over.
"Thank you, you look gorgeous." He gave me a kiss on the lips and smiled. "Ready to go?" He asked pulling his jacket on.
"Um... yeah. Edward, you know this date, you're not going to... you know?" He rolled his eyes at me.
"No, I won't touch you or anything. I will be good." He mocked grabbing his car keys. "I'm driving, come on."
Sitting in the car with Edward I felt like a little school girl all full of nerves. Fuck, I had been in the car with him countless times before so why now was I suddenly feeling like at any given second I was going to have a panic attack?
We didn't say anything to each other as we headed to pictures. The closer we got the more nervous I became.
As Edward pulled into the parking lot I noticed all the people walking in.
I groaned more inwardly than outwardly, why was it so fucking busy? Why did everyone want to come here at the same time as me? I thought now would be better than later. I was fucking wrong. At least later, I would have been under the cover of darkness.
"Are we getting out?" Edward asked looking at me; his eyes hopeful that I wasn't about to freak out at him and run a mile.
This had never bothered me before. We had done this loads of times before, we queued for hours together to go and see Lord Of The Rings when it came out. Fuck, we even went to see Ice Age together and I was fine, but now?
"I want to go home, I can't, all these people... I can't." I screamed at the top of my lungs at him, he blinked and shook his head before looking at me.
"And why not?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me questioning me with everything, wondering just what I was doing.
"Because I'm not ready to be out in public, this isn't fair on me, you're making me and I'm not ready." I whined out like a baby. Where the fuck was I going with the whining? I never fucking whined.
"I'm not making you do anything and I'm not asking you to be out, as you so wonderfully put it. We have done this countless times. What's so different between then and now? I'm not about to jump on you, Jazz, if that's what you're thinking." He snapped huffing and folding his arms across his chest.
"Because we're on a date right now and before we weren't." I matched his tone; I wasn't going to back down from this.
"And we're the only ones that know, for fuck's sake, Jasper. To everyone in there they will think it is just two friends who have gone to catch a movie together." Edward was getting pissed off at me; I could see the anger rising in his face.
"But we're not. I'm going home. You may be fine with this, but I'm certainly not. This is a confusing time for me and this sort of shit isn't helping." Was I being just a little harsh?
Fuck it if I was, I didn't fucking care.
"So now I can't take you out? Just what can I do? Please fucking tell me because I have zero fucking idea what I'm
supposed to do." Hitting the steering wheel with the palm of his hand he looked at me. "Jasper please, we have done this so many times before. I want to take you out, Jasper. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I know you're confused with everything and you're still figuring this out, but please get out of the car and come with me. You said you would, you said I could take you out. I've told you I won't do anything, not until you're ready. Please Jazz." He pleaded with me; I didn't move or say anything. He sighed in defeat at me.
"Fine, I'll drop you off at home." He started the car; he looked crushed as he wiped his face before pulling the gear into reverse.
"Wait, I'm being stupid. Let's go and watch the movie." He shook his head at me and sighed.
"It's okay. I know you don't want to. I'll just drop you off home and get out of the way for a while. I'm sorry I wanted to take you out and try and do something normal with you." I had hurt his feelings by being an ass and making a bigger fuss over this than was necessary.
"No, I want to go, I just freaked a little. Please, I don't want you to get out of my way, and I want to spend today with you. I'm sorry. Can we go see the movie now before it starts?" He cut the engine off and opened the door to get out.
"You sure?" He asked me, I nodded and got out of the car.
We walked into the cinema together and for a few seconds I thought people were looking, that they knew we were on a date.
Sucking in a few deep breaths I willed myself to calm down, willed myself to relax as Edward bought the tickets and walked back over to me. He flashed a smile and started to head off towards the scene two.
For the love of god and all things fucking holy will you get your god damn act together Jasper and follow him before he thinks you have bailed!
Jesus, why the fuck did I get put with you? What the hell, are you asking for a new body now? The fucking god who you're wanting so fucking badly has just gone that way and you're not moving!
Stop telling me what to do. I'll move when I'm ready!
Now I was arguing with myself, can we say insane? I walked on after Edward who was now standing waiting for me, he looked slightly amused as I approached, and I wondered if he knew I was arguing with myself?
The movie room was almost empty as we sat down watching the crap they liked to play before the movie actually starts. Do we really need to have the no phone sign every thirty seconds? Like hell was I going to turn it off, fuck that.
For a laugh, I put it on vibrate instead, the phone stays on, three hundred sixty-five days a year, seven days a week. It's never off, and this would be no different. As the light went out I relaxed clocking that there were only us and three other couples in there.
Darkness covered the cinema, only the big screen lighting up the room as it played the movie.
My eyes kept moving back to Edward who hadn't moved or looked at me once. I was slightly disappointed that he hadn't looked at me, but then he did say he wouldn't do anything so I guess I couldn't really complain, could I?
Halfway through the film I got bored. The movie wasn't great, meant to be some awesome scary film, Emmett was scarier hung-over and looking for food after a night out, this was shit! Paranormal Activity, my ass, no wonder it was fucking dead in here. We should have picked something else.
Without really thinking about what I was doing my hand landed on Edward's thigh. I heard his breathing hitch slightly, but his eyes never moved towards me.
My mind filled with thoughts of this morning in the kitchen as I moved my hand slowly up his thigh. I looked around to make sure that no one was watching. Thankfully no one had sat behind us so the coast was clear.
My hand trailed further up ghosting my fingers over his bulge in his jeans. His eyes closed as I lightly stroked him through his jeans, his breathing was ragged and shaky making me smile.
Becoming more daring I gently squeezed his cock, making him hiss.
"Jazz, stop please." He whispered grabbing my hand, I smirked.
"You mean you don't want me to touch you?" I whispered back, just where the fuck was this cockiness coming from?
He let go of my hand as I smiled in victory, before kissing his neck. I wanted to go home and explore a little more, the early thoughts and fears long gone. The dark room made it easy for me to touch him without us being seen but I wanted more right now.
"Can we go home?" I purred into his ear. Edward was up in a flash and making his way out of the cinema. I smirked leaving the cinema, feeling very fucking full of myself. I found Edward already in the car by the time I got myself together.
"Fuck Jazz, do you want me to go back on my word?" He asked slamming the car into reverse and pulling out.
"Just drive back home." I flashed a smile, that hadn't actually been that bad. In fact I enjoyed toying with Edward in the cinema turning him on like that.
I knew I wasn't ready to actually sleep with him, even though we had already done that, but fuck I needed some release from all this and I was feeling brave.
Would this braveness last once we made it home? It should considering I felt more confidant at home where no one could see us, where we were safe to do what we wanted.
As Edward pulled to a stop outside the house we shared I darted out of the car and towards the front door. I was surprised by how fast Edward was, ending up right behind me as I put the key in the door.
The moment we came through the door Edward's lips met mine hard, forcing his tongue into my mouth. My lips were on fire as he pushed me towards the living room. I pushed back and pulled away from him.
"I'm not ready to fuck, but can we go upstairs to your room and... Um do..." I didn't get a chance to finish which I was glad about as I felt a little stupid. His lips crashed against mine again before grabbing my hand and pulling me up the stairs towards his bedroom.
My heart was beating like mad in my chest as everything crashed through me, I was turned on and my skin was on fire from his touch.
As he closed the bedroom door I sudden became nervous. I gulped as he came towards me with lust-filled eyes. He smiled at me and licked his lips before kissing me again; I tensed up making him pull back.
"Jazz, what's wrong?" He whispered in my ear. I shook slightly as my nerves just went to pot.
I wanted to do something, but I wasn't really sure how. Other than being drunk when Edward and I had been together I had never done this before.
"I...fuck." Frustrated I pulled at my hair. He cocked an eyebrow and took hold of my hands stopping me from pulling at my hair. He let go of one of my hands and ghosted his free hand over my straining erection.
"Relax Jazz; let me give you the release you need." He kissed my neck lightly and then smiled at me.
"I don't know what to do." I said feeling stupid for admitting this. I was experienced.
Fuck, I knew just what to do with a woman, but that was the problem. I knew what to do when it came to women, but to a man? I had zero idea.
"Do what feels right." His fingers unbuttoned my shirt before pushing it off my shoulders.
"Do you know how sexy you are?" He purred in my ear as his fingers pulled gently on my nipple ring making me moan.
I tugged his jumper up, our lips breaking apart so it went over his head. He pushed my shoulders back making me fall backwards on the bed.
I kept myself up by propping myself up on elbows, my head rolled back as he kissed and sucked along my neck moving down my chest before reaching my nipple ring. I gasped loudly as he took it in between his teeth and tugged at it.
My hands found themselves in his hair pushing his head downwards to where I so desperately needed him to be, where I craved to find out just what he could do with that mouth of his.
Letting go of my nipple ring he looked at me and crushed his lips hard against mine hard. His tongue explored my mouth, every inch of it, sucking my tongue into his mouth. I broke apart from the kiss and kissed along his jaw.
"I think we need to slow down." He said suddenly. I looked at him shocked; he cupped my cheek with his hand, rubbing his thumb up and down.
"You're horny, Jasper, but it wasn't that long ago you were freaking out in the car park about going into the cinema. I don't want regrets, I don't want you to do something then push away from me. So I think we should stop." Calming myself down me looked at him.
"You're protecting yourself, aren't you?" I asked. I could understand him doing this; I had switched around so many times during our couple of days together.
"Yes, but I also want you to be sure. Jasper, I want you, I really want you. I just don't want regrets to be through our relationship." He gave me a kiss and lay down next to me. I rolled on top of my stomach and looked at him.
"I want you, it's just so scary." His arm went around me pulling me to him. I curled into him inhaling deeply as I kissed his chest. "How long will I be like this for? The being unsure of everything?"
"I don't know, Jazz. I guess over time you will figure it all out and become comfortable." He kissed the top of my head. "I have been there. When I figured out that I was gay the hardest thing for me was actually accepting it. I didn't want to be the odd one; I didn't want to be the one that would sooner go hunt the net for gay for porn so I could wank off to two men while my friends hunted for net for tits. I could have stayed in denial and pretended. Many people do it, go off, get married, have a couple of kids, but never truly feel happy, or I could accept it and be happy."
"You're struggling to accept this, to accept this feeling with another man. I have the easier side as I have already gotten used to it and accepted it. Once you accept it, accept what your body wants, the fears, the doubts, the confusion will disappear. Talk to me, Jazz. I won't ever be mad at you, I may laugh if you come out with something stupid, but I won't be mad with your questions or doubts. We will do this together, but you need to accept it. Maybe you should meet Peter." I lifted my head up and looked at him; he smiled and touched my face.
"Why Peter?" I asked, wondering why Peter would be the best person to talk to. I didn't even know Peter.
"He has been in a similar situation to what you're in. Peter was in a relationship when he met Garrett. He got that warm fuzzy feeling and went through all the emotions that you're going through. His mind told him to stay safe with Charlotte, but his body wanted Garrett. He had experimented with men before but nothing too serious. Anyway, cutting it short, he is now happy with Garrett. If you want we'll invite them over and you can have a chat with him, he's easy going, a little off and out there sometimes, but I think you and him will get along just fine." I was touched; he wanted me to speak to someone who has been through this.
"You'll do that for me?" He nodded his head and laced his fingers with mine.
"Yes, because I want this to be right, no mistakes or regrets." God, I could fall in love with him.
Fall? I think you're already falling, Jazz.